#source: texts

[incorrect-bridgerton-family]

Eloise: Theo made me feel things.

Penelope: What things?

Eloise: Feelings.

Penelope: He made you feel feelings?

Eloise: Yeah.

Penelope: What a bitch.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Kate: You ever realize humans cut down bird’s houses to make birdhouses?

Yelena: How high are you?

Kate: 5’7

[textpostmemespksp]

Meme #838

(Image description in ALT text, original images below the cut!) 

[incorrectstanleyparablequotes]

Stanley: On a scale of 1-10, how annoyed with me are you right now? The Narrator: 8. Stanley: I can do better than that

[charmingradiobelle]

Charlie: is pink panther a lion?

Vaggie: say that again, but slower.

Charlie: I don’t understand?

Vaggie: he’s the pink PANTHER.

Charlie: okay?? But is he a lion?

Vaggie: Charlie. Babe. He's a panther.

Charlie: is that a kind of lion?

Vaggie: no, it's a fucking panther.

Charlie: I just googled.. they're not pink?

Vaggie: AND LIONS ARE???

[selfship-quotes]

F/O: I love you so much. I wish I could build a giant maze in a parking garage or perhaps an abandoned factory and put you in it and watch you solve various puzzles in order to receive peanuts and seeds.

S/I: What.

[hitchell-mope]

Claire: you’re a hand model for bourbon? Are you insane?

Luke: its 100k a year.

Phil: I would like to apologise for your mother’s earlier comments.

[incorrect-starbula]

Nebula: If you tell anyone about this, I'll skin you alive, but... Quill makes me feel things.

Rocket: What things?

Nebula: Feelings.

Rocket: He makes you feel feelings?

Nebula: Yes.

Rocket:

Rocket: What a jackass.

[hawkinsincorrect]

Argyle: You ever realize humans cut down bird’s houses to make birdhouses?

Jonathan: How high are you right now?

Argyle: 5’10

[aropride]

ok fine maybe community notes was a good idea

[spooksier]

passages that make you whisper "oh my god"

[textpostmemespksp]

Meme #821

(Image description in ALT text, original images below the cut!) 

[incorrectstanleyparablequotes]

Stanley: I apparently have 'behavioral issues' and I'm 'too defiant'.

[charmingradiobelle]

Luigi: is pink panther a lion?

Mario: ..say that again, but slower.

Luigi: I don’t understand.

Mario: he’s the pink PANTHER.

Luigi: okay?? But is he a lion?

Mario: Lu. Bro. He’s a panther.

Luigi: is that a kind of lion?

Mario: no, it’s a fucking panther.

Luigi: I just googled.. they’re not pink?

Mario: AND LIONS ARE???

[selfship-quotes]

F/O: I thought you said you liked me?

S/I: You told me you stabbed someone!

F/O: Awww is someone scared?

S/I: Yes.

[bruciemilf]

Harvey representing the Batkids in court for whatever reason is so funny to me.

“Your honor, my client was simply standing on business.” (Jason)

“Your honor, respectfully, you weren’t fucking there.” (Damian)

“Your honor, it’s pride month.” (Tim)

“Your honor, my client ate with that. “ (Cass)

“Your honor, my client is literally just a girl.” (Duke)

“Your honor, my client would like to plead “daddy issues” (Dick)

“Your honor, my client can name three songs.” (Steph)

“Your honor, my client locked the fuck in.” (Terry)