#stuff like stats and appearance

[arolesbianism]

I was Going to work on some more nugget stuff but then my game got all fucked up and I had to replace a file I hadn't even touched and now I'm having to replace all the equipment I lost by doing so which I don't technically have to do since I have to reason to keep my guys properly equipped since I beat the game already but I Want to and also if I don't I will inevitably forget what they're supposed to wear and then I'll cry and scream

[leviiackrman]

I plan on designing a character sheet specifically for OCs of any media (picture dnd stat sheet but like, inclusive to other games/shows etc) and wanna make one for each of my OCs so:

Interact with this post if you’d be interested in using it!! (Ie if I should make it publicly accessible)

[halcyoncyrus]

youtube music recap and my top 5 songs are all marlon williams for another year !! no one is surprised!!

[sainztropez]

✧ mr. wrong - smau ✧

⋆° summary: in the spotlight of Formula 1 and heartbreak pop, yn and charles leclerc’s whirlwind romance spirals from “first and last love” to cryptic posts, bitter lyrics, and emotional fallout. love burns fast on the paddock but heartbreak burns faster.

⋆° pairings: charles leclerc x verstappen!singer!reader x ? ⋆° genre: some angst, some fluff (it'll come). lots of drama and mainly musical. ⋆° warnings: cheating, swear words.

2020

liked by charles_leclerc16, maxverstappen1 and 1.524.000 users

yn he finally grew a pair and asked me out. my 1st and last. tagged charles_leclerc16

maxverstappen1 please leave me this yn you were my cupid maxverstappen1 lying like that? ❤️ liked by author

user so no one's gonna talk about the age difference

user cuties

user hope to see yn around the paddock sometime! ❤️ liked by author

lando mf finally did it yn stooooop charles_leclerc16 get over it i'm her first love

liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc16 and 2,000,000 users

yn Sports Car single out now! Check out.

charles_leclerc16 my yn ❤️

charles_leclerc16 love you babygirl maxverstappen1 gross charles_leclerc16 love you too babyboy ❤️ liked by author yn thats the lestappen i ship charles_leclerc16 you're not for real

lando cool car ❤️ liked by author

carlossainz55 charles_leclerc16 i'm in your walls charles_leclerc16 what's with the jealousy? last time i checked her last name was verstappen not sainz... yn stop it you two!!!

user i'm so jealous of charles... why does he get to have her all to himself he doesn't deserve yn

user leclerc i wasn't familiar with your game

user "we can uh uh in it while you drive real far" wheres my baby yn? that sang about being "Enchanted to meet her prince"? user she's always been a lowkey freak with charles... user wait am i behind on chayn lore? user girrrrrl she used to be a bug about him, saying he was her first and last crush. even max got tired of it and eventually set them up lmao user a woman that years is a woman that earns!

liked by user, user, user and 125,002 users

f1gossip Legendary singer Y/n (born Yn Verstappen) talks about her relationship with Ferrari's golden boy Charles Leclerc. "So... How do I start it? I mean, since my first album it's pretty obvious that I'm in love with Charles for a really long long time. I started bugging him about going on a date with me since last year and he wasn't being really easy — eventually he gave up and asked me out. I've never been happier." — says Yn to Jimmy Fallon in a interview last night. The singer also explains some of the songs that appear on her latest album and claims Charles as her inspirational muse. "To be really honest he's always been my muse... ever since Enchanted and You belong with me, which is a song that I'm kind of shy about now that everyone knows I was being petty. So, well... if you ask me about the songs in my new album, I'll probably have the same answer."

user how's this any related with racing?

user i can't believe people complain about this account... there's lots of accounts that only posts race stats and stuff like that. this one is for gossip bitches like me... ❤️ liked by author

user am i the only one that thinks yn is kinda the giver in this relationship? i mean she's always supporting him and i don't see the same user ngl i kinda agree user atp i think shes obsessed with having him

february 2024 - almost 4 years into the relationship

liked by user, user, user and 154,000 users

f1wagsnews Trouble in paradise? Charles Leclerc spotted with mysterious brunette woman in Maranello. Is our Yn suddenly capable of being in two places at once? Has our Yn ditched her signature golden locks?

user charles leclerc is just a man anyway

user ughhh I swear she'd still stay with him even after he cheated user you dont even know if its him user regardless i aint wrong mmhm

comments section closed

texts between yn and charles

march 2024

♪ Like a tattoo - yn

liked by carlossainz55, iamrebecad, oscarpiastri and 4,254,449 users

yn best four years of my life (ps. leo loves me more)

charles_leclerc16 j'taime bébé (ps. he doesn't) yn he knows mommy charles_leclerc16 i know too yn stop... pr's gonna catch us.

maxverstappen1 love you baby sis ❤️ liked by author yn love you baby bro

lando be safe buggy ❤️ liked by author user even lando is fed up with charles bs

carlossainz55 you'll have to stop hanging around ferrari's garage you knoooow ❤️ liked by author

iamrebecad cutieeees <3 ❤️ liked by author

comments section has been limited

liked by yn, iamrebecad, alexsaintmlux and 1,022,544 users

charles_leclerc16 one and only

yn love you babyboy ❤️ liked by author

maxverstappen1 watch out

alexsaintmlux 🔒 couple goals ❤️ user whos this and why does only charles follow her ? user rumour has it they met in Maranello last month user yall dont know these people bffr

carlossainz55 they grow up so fast charles_leclerc16 stop acting like you're her dad carlossainz55 she's my daughter for real

lando cute bugs ❤️ liked by author

june 2024

liked by lando, oscarpiastri, carlossainz55 and 5,665,899 users

yn New album "Chemtrails over the country club" out now! Check it out, everyone! Love you all forever.

user are they even dating anymore?

user baby girl dropped a whole breakup album and didn't even break up

user its giving chayn ending soon... but i cant prove

maxverstappen1 gag it! ❤️ liked by author user help who teched max that word??

lando waiting for it!! yn its already out???? lando you know what... user PLEASE LET ME KNOOOOW

tatemcrae SEATED ❤️ liked by author

taylorswift my dearest little blonde, this one is magical! ❤️ liked by author

liked by lando, oscarpiastri, user and 500,444 users

f1gossip Spotted: our favorite Monégasque heartbreaker tangled up with a mysterious brunette (again!). For legal reasons, we won’t be revealing the name of his elusive flame — though Saint surely rings a divine bell. 😇

Now, while we’re still clocked into this tea shift, let’s unpack the romantic rollercoaster that's left us clutching our pearls. Judging by yn’s latest album, things weren’t exactly smooth sailing. In How to Disappear, she writes:

“I know he's in over his head but I love that man like nobody can.”

We’re sensing some toxic devotion energy…

And then there’s Happiness is a Butterfly:

“If he’s a serial killer, then what’s the worst that could happen to a girl that’s already hurt?”

Sound the alarms — that is not what Leclerc’s PR team had in mind when marketing the Perfect Couple™.

To top it all off? Yn swerved every relationship-related question in her latest interview, avoiding any mention of Leclerc like she was dodging Monaco’s turn 6.

Breakup confirmed? Not officially. But this silence screams louder than an engine rev on race day. 🏁💔

user girl’s been obsessed for years… called him her first and hopefully last. and now this?? rip chayn nation

user lando and oscar watchu doin here ? user they're messy...

user kinda chocked how max hasnt kicked his ass yet

user this bitch

user honestly? she has been my fav wag for years... i hope she's okay.

user can’t believe y’all are still riding for her… she’s been out here for years saying she might be a lil toxic and obsessed, and you still act like she’s always in the right?? Maybe the guy just wants peace user yeaaaa she's literally admitted to have a bit of a problem. let charles breathe omg. user okay charles burners accounts

user lets hope this new one is less obsessive with him

user yall charles fans are just boymoms i cant

texts between yn and charles

♪ The only exception - Paramore

liked by iamrebecad, alexsaintmlux, pierregasly and 1,221,555 users

charles_leclerc16 my alex <3 alexsaintmlux

user cant believe you even got leo into this bs

user remember when it was "my yn"? comment deleted by author

lando foul one mate charles_leclerc16 let's focus on our own business mate lando sure

alexsaintmlux je t’aime, mon bébé ❤️ liked by author user girl read the room user cant believe now her insta is open lmao

iamrebecad couple goals ❤️ liked by author alexsaintmlux my cupid user the nerve

♪ Silver Springs - 2004 remaster - Fletwood Mac

liked by carlossainz55, iamrebecad, oscarpiastri, lando and 5,025,555 users

yn Deluxe album is out now! I poured all my love into this album and I truly hope you adore it. I’d also like to take this moment to say that I’ve received so many kind messages over the past few days (P.S. I tried to read every single one). Thank you for the support — I’ll always be here.

user i'm pretty sure her team wrote that last post… she don’t talk like that

user poor yn… hope ur okay (if u somehow see this 💔)

user "time casts a spell on you but you won’t forget me’ like HELLOOO the emotional damage he did to her? user bffr she didnt even wrote this post

lando you're the greatest

oscarpiastri whos this DIVA

maxverstappen1 love you babysis

carlossainz55 coolest verstappen out there!

user she's not even replying to her friends or brother :( user not even liking their comments :(

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

it was december 2024. every trace of you on charles’s instagram was gone. posts, comments, tags — wiped clean like you’d never existed. his feed had turned into a glossy shrine to his new girl, every image meticulously curated by his pr team. even your most innocent comments on random posts, from before you ever dated, had mysteriously vanished. it was that bad. but the world would move on… or pretend to.

since the day charles ended things, you’d struggled to breathe. not metaphorically — literally. each inhale felt like dragging yourself through quicksand. you couldn’t eat. couldn’t smile. couldn’t pretend everything was fine. your closest friends, lando and oscar (by force of proximity), tried everything: junk food binges at 2 a.m., sunrise runs you reluctantly joined, desperate late-night calls. even max once attempted to bribe you out of bed with an all-expenses-paid spa weekend. nothing worked.

charles was your one and only. you’d genuinely believed you were just “going through a rough patch.” then he ghosted — no explanations, no texts, no calls — leaving you dissecting every laugh, every shared sunrise, hunting for the glitch. were you too intense? did the age gap finally become too much? was your career somehow to blame? questions piled up with no answers. charles was gone, and he made sure never to look back.

under full management control, your own instagram had turned into a digital puppet: recycled smiles, staged captions, nostalgic throwbacks with no real emotion behind them. your calendar swelled with appearances, promo shoots, album updates, and vague tour hints — others writing the chapters you’d lost control of.

then came the apex of absurdity: a performance booked for the fia’s 75th anniversary. as if forcing you to share the same air that still smelled faintly of charles’s cologne wasn’t enough. but maybe it was time. sooner or later, you’d have to wake up.

somewhere between late december and the jagged start of january, you did something you hadn’t dared in weeks. you opened instagram explore page. and there they were — post after post of charles and his new girl, smiles you’d once worn, now repainted by someone else.

shit.

you didn’t want to see it. you didn’t mean to. but you did.

and something inside you snapped.

“what do i gain from crying over him?” you thought, your mind a blank echo chamber. “did the world stop spinning?”

it didn’t. and maybe… maybe you needed to start spinning again too.

you’d stayed quiet long enough.

as the final grand prix of the year approached, a current of defiance surged through your veins. maybe it was the sound of engines. maybe it was the way the world kept turning without you. maybe you simply craved your moment back. whatever it was, you woke up and chose war, not peace.

you arrived at the track dressed to kill —not for him, not for pity, but for yourself. your signature stilettos, designed by the one and only christian louboutin just for you clicked like punctuation marks across the paddock, each step trailing confidence you didn't know you still had and chaos, 'cause theres no way you did not go there just to put gasoline into the fire, in equal measure.

down in the mclaren garage, laughter echoed off concrete walls. you slid into a seat between lando and oscar, leaning in as the three of you traded insider jokes that felt like home. oscar — someone that stepped up for you in a way you couldn't quite understand why, but he was there, trying to make you be you again; maybe it was the fact that he knew how awful is the feeling of being cheated on... or maybe he just wanted to see you happy — dared lando to something quite stupid that made lando nearly snort it out when you whispered: “loser buys dinner.” mechanics and engineers paused to watch the scene, the marketing team already having their phones out.

lando sneaked up behind you and draped a safety helmet over your head, making you shriek and punch his arm. oscar seized the moment, teasing “careful, danger’s cooking here.” you shot him a wicked grin, traced a finger along the helmet’s visor, and quipped, “i’ll take my chances.” they howled, crowning you “chief troublemaker.”

then the reporters swarmed. flashes erupted. one finally asked, their tone sharp as a thumb screw: “are you having an affair with one of them?”

with a malicious smile you raised an eyebrow and smirked, your voice low and playful: “they’re just good friends. very good friends... i wouldn't dare to choose between them so we'll have to stay like that”

lando feigned indignation, oscar dramatically clutched his chest, and you let out a clear, ringing laugh that scattered any pity in the air.

you waved at fans as you passed and paused for quickfire interviews, your eyes glittering with mischief. then, like sprinkling salt over an open wound, you dropped the final line: “i was invited by my dear friend carlos sainz—but let’s just say i’m saint-fully banned from entering that holy garage.”

you turned to the camera, lips curled in challenge: “carlitos, if you’re watching this… buena suerte, mwaaa!”

you didn’t simply walk the paddock. you owned every square inch of it, like you used to do before. maybe you were back to yourself.

you greeted team principals with a mischief expression, acting like you owned the place, cracked jokes with ferrari engineers — not daring to enter their garage —, and of course slipped into the red bull garage to plant a quick hug on max’s shoulder. “good luck, babybro,” you whispered, your voice warm and supportive. and before you left: “my heart’s orange today... you know”

red flags waved like flames on your way back to mclaren's garage.

somewhere in the blur of flashbulbs and engine roars, you felt it again.

the light shot diamonds from his eyes — as you once stated in your song Like a tattoo.

charles. watching. still.

you didn’t flinch. didn’t look back. didn’t break. he doesn't deserve me, you repeated like a mantra.

liked by lando, oscarpiastri, carlossainz55 and 5,885,666 users

yn just 3 bitches tellin each other exaaaaactly. btw very proud of my (big) babybro, also carlitos last podium with ferrari! everyone. lets just love each other. xx

lando missed you bug oscarpiastri you literally knock on her door everyday lando shut up yn love yaaaaaalllllll my pals mates

user omg THE REAL YN IS BACK IN TOWN

user she was kinda shady towards alex/charles today.... lmao user well.. they deserve it.

carlossainz55 never ending beef with ferrari? you look soooo good in red user why he's flirting with her, mate you have a gf user they are very good friends. why are you trying to imply a fliting ?

oscarpiastri exaaaaaaaactly diva

maxverstappen1 please tell me you wore a jacket over that dress . please tell me you were not alone with those two. yn well i wont maxverstappen1 say sike rn

lando posted a story oscarpiastri posted a story

caption(1): they're forming a duo now @/oscarpiastri @/ yn

caption (2): did lando just outcunt yn

𖡡 monaco

liked by alexsaintmlux and 1,558,665 users

charles_leclerc16 coming back home to have some rest, may 2025 season be greater. thank you for always being with me, my alex <3 love you, my one and only.

alexsaintmlux j'etaime <3 ❤️ liked by author

iamrebecad stop stealing her away from meeeeee alexsaintmlux lets runaway becs ❤️ liked by author

pierregasly you were great mate! ❤️ liked by author

you step out of the car feeling a familiar flutter in your stomach. you look incredible, but nerves are twisting like roller-coaster loops. of course you have studied the seating plan like it was a final exam —he’s front row, eyes going to be glued to you when you perform. the thought is part thrill, part panic.

two weeks ago you sat cross-legged on your living-room floor with coffee and headphones, refining your set list with your manager, trying to decide what to go for with this performance. obviously, two of your heaviest hitters, Sports car and Like a tattoo, plus a surprise mash-up of fan favorites. it felt just right: enough to light the room on fire with a twist only you could pull off.

the red carpet stuns as your gown flows behind you. cameras erupt, microphones thrust forward. you tilt your head to laugh at a reporter’s question and keep moving, slipping past the velvet ropes into the hushed grandeur beyond.

when it’s your time, the opening chords of “don’t blame me” roll out and you can’t resist a genuine, full-on smile. your cheeks flush at the memory of how deeply you once fell, every lyric felt like a whispered confession. by the second chorus, you’re lost in the melody, head tipped back, soul bared to the crowd.

the beat shifts into “sports car” and dancers carve around you with perfect precision. you ride the rhythm, that mischievous grin tugging at your lips as you sing every word like a private joke. it’s pure pop perfection and you dare to remember the scenes that inspired the writing process of this song. you smile.

to close, you pour your heart into “like a tattoo.” when you sing “the light shot diamonds from his eyes” your smile becomes electric, unmissable from any corner. you raise your hand like you’re reaching for him but let the moment hang there, deliciously unresolved, the way he let things end.

afterward, you drift through the crowd of staff members, torn between choosing to sit at your brother’s table with red bull and the your duo at mclaren. you shrug and think, why not add more fuel to the fire? and slide into the seat between lando and oscar, instantly feeling their buzz.

the host spots you three and leans in, voice smooth, you didn't know what was coming: “look at this little setup: two ripe papayas and one pop princess. with all that heat, who needs a safety car? guess y'all are going to need some serious lubrication…”

you and oscar burst into stifled smile. lando leans back, uncontainable smile that hang ear to ear. and a few feet away, charles leclerc watches with tightly pressed lips, not even a flicker of a smile. yes, that was caught on camera.

as the night caves in, you don't even know if you wanna head home or if you just wanna hang around those two a little more. they just accept it.

liked by lando, oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 8,999,544 users

yn not every single song is about you. happy to be here today! (omw to buy some lub, someone say i might need it)

maxverstappen1 if i could choose one of your songs to disappear forever it probably be sports car… lando why mate thats my fave ❤️ liked by author maxverstappen1 know your limits, norris

lando you're kinda cool ❤️ liked by author yn only cool? oscarpiastri no funny business today for you ❤️ liked by author

oscarpiastri i voted for orange dress ❤️ liked by author user your fashion taste sucks... glad she choose it herself maxverstappen1 not you too piastri

carlossainz55 blue suits you sm more ❤️ liked by author yn thats not the versainz i ship btw carlossainz55 get over it, please.

iamrebecad divaaaaa

user (redacted) doesnt read the room lmao

user glad to see you glowing yn! ❤️ liked by author

sabrinacarpenter gagged. lysm my bbgirl! ❤️ liked by author

liked by user, user, user and 1,669,314 users

f1gossiper Throuple sighting?? More trouble in paradise?? Yn Verstappen, Lando Norris & Oscar Piastri were spotted cruising the streets of Milan last night, and word is the blonde bombshell was trading kisses and cuddles with both mclaren boys 👀💥

Did anyone see this coming? Is it just a wild friendship or full-on #trisal energy? D rop your thoughts — who’s ready for this love triangle meltdown?

user shes a lucky bitch omg

user honestly couldnt care less

user ferrari's golden boy for two newbies in the game... it aint the upgrade yall think it is. but who am i right?

[mostlysignssomeportents]

How much (little) are the AI companies making?

I'm in the home stretch of my 24-city book tour for my new novel PICKS AND SHOVELS. Catch me in LONDON TODAY (July 1) with TRASHFUTURE'S RILEY QUINN and then a big finish in MANCHESTER TOMORROW (July 2).

If there's one area where tech has shown a consistent aptitude for innovation, it's in accounting tricks that make money-losing companies appear wildly profitable. And AI is the greatest innovator of all (when it comes to accounting gimmicks).

Since the dotcom era, tech companies have boasted about giving stuff away but "making it up in volume," inventing an ever-sweatier collection of shell-games that let them hide the business's true profit and loss.

The all-time world champeen of this kind of finance fraud is Masayoshi Son, the founder of Softbank, who acts as the bagman for the Saudi royals' personal investments. Remember last decade when the tech press was all abuzz about "unicorns" – startups that were worth $1b? That was Son: he would take a startup like Wework, declare its brand to be worth $1b, invest an infinitesimal fraction of $1b in the company based on that valuation (sometimes with a rube co-investor) and declare the valuation to be "market-based." A whole string of garbage companies achieved unicornhood by means of this unbelievably stupid trick:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/27/voluntary-carbon-market/#trust-me

Of course, every finance bro is familiar with Stein's Law: "anything that can't go on forever eventually stops." Sure, the Saudi royals could be tapped to piss away $31b on Uber, losing $0.41 on every dollar for 13 years, but eventually they're going to turn off the money spigot and attempt to flog their shares to retail and institutional suckers. To make that work, they have to invent new accounting tricks, like when Uber "sold" its failing overseas ride-hailing businesses to international rivals in exchange for stock, then declared that these companies' illiquid stock had skyrocketed in value, tipping Uber into the black:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/08/05/a-lousy-taxi/#a-giant-asterisk

Even companies that are actually profitable (in the sense of bringing in more revenue than it costs to keep the business's lights on) love to juice their stats, and the worst offenders are the Big Tech companies, who reap a vast commercial reward from creating the illusion that they are continuing to grow, even after they've dominated their sector.

Take Google: once the company attained a 90% global search market-share, there were no more immediate prospects for growth. I mean, sure, they could raise a billion new humans to maturity and train them to be Google customers (e.g., the business plan for Google Classroom), but that takes more than a decade, and Google needed growth right away. So the company hatched a plan to make search worse, so that its existing users would have to search multiple times to get the information they sought, and each additional search would give Google another chance to show you an ad:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/24/naming-names/#prabhakar-raghavan

But that was small potatoes. What Google – and the rest of the tech sector – needed was a massive growth story, a story about how their companies, worth trillions of dollars, could double or triple in size in the coming years. There's a kind of reflexive anti-capitalist critique that locates the drive to tell growth stories in ideology: "endless growth is the ideology of a tumor," right?

But spinning an endless growth story isn't merely ideological. It's a firmly materialistic undertaking. Companies that appear to be growing have market caps that are an order of magnitude larger than companies that are considered "mature" and at the end of their growth phase. For every dollar that Ford brings in, the market is willing to spend $8.60 on its stock. For every dollar Tesla brings in, the market is willing to spend $118 on its stock.

That means that when Tesla and Ford compete to buy something – like another company, or the labor of highly sought after technical specialists – Tesla has a nearly unbeatable advantage. Rather than raiding its precious cash reserves to fund its offer, Tesla can offer stock. Ford can only spend as many dollars as it brings in through sales, but Tesla can make more stock, on demand, simply by typing numbers into a spreadsheet.

So when Tesla bids against Ford, Ford has to use dollars, and Tesla can use shares. And even if the acquisition target – a key employee or a startup that's on the acquisitions market – wants dollars instead of shares, Tesla can stake its shares as collateral for loans at a rate that's 1,463% better than the rate Ford gets when it collateralizes a loan based on its own equity:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/05/07/rah-rah-rasputin/#credulous-dolts

In other words, if you can tell a convincing growth story, it's much easier to grow. The corollary, though, is that when a growth company stops growing, when it becomes "mature," it experiences a massive sell-off of its stock, as its share price plummets to a tenth or less of the old "growth" valuation. That's why the biggest tech companies in the world have spent the past decade – the decade after they monopolized their sectors and conquered the world – pumping a series of progressively stupider bubbles: metaverse, cryptocurrency, and now, AI.

Tech companies don't need these ventures to be successful – they just need them to seem to be plausibly successful for long enough to keep the share price high until the next growth story heaves over the horizon. So long as Mister Market thinks tech is a "growth" sector and not a "mature" sector, tech bosses will be able to continue to pay for things with stock rather than cash, and their own stockholdings will continue to be valued at sky-high rates.

That's why AI is being crammed into absofuckingloutely everything. it's why the button you used to tap to start a new chat summons up an AI that takes seven taps to banish again – it's so tech companies can tell Wall Street that people are "using AI" which means that their companies are still part of a growth industry and thus entitled to gigantic price-to-earnings ratios:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/05/02/kpis-off/#principal-agentic-ai-problem

The reality, of course, is that people hate AI. Telling people that your product is "AI enabled" makes less likely to use it:

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/19368623.2024.2368040#d1e1096

People – who have had an infinitude of AI crammed into down their throats – are already sick of AI. Policymakers and financiers – credulous dolts who fall for tech marketing hype every! fucking! time – are convinced that AI Is The Future. This presents a dilemma for tech companies, who research the hell out of how people actually use their products and thus must be extremely aware of how hated AI is, but whose leadership is desperate to show investors that they are about to experience explosive growth through the miracle of AI.

The reality is that AI is a very bad business. It has dogshit unit economics. Unlike all the successful tech of the 21st century, each generation of AI is more expensive to make, not cheaper. And unlike the most profitable tech services of this century, AI gets more costly to operate the more users it has.

You can be forgiven for not knowing this, though. As Ed Zitron points out in a long, excellent article about the credulity and impuissance of the tech press, the actual numbers suuuuuck:

https://www.wheresyoured.at/make-fun-of-them/

Microsoft

Spending: $80b in 2025

Projecting: $13b in 2025

Actually: $10b comes from Openai giving back compute credits Microsoft gave to Openai, bringing the true total to $3b.

Meta

Spending: $72b in 2025

Receiving: At most $600m in gross revenue from selling "smart" Raybans, which might not actually be loss-leaders, meaning it's possible that they're making less than $0.00.

Amazon

Spending: $100b in 2025

Projecting: $5b in revenue in 2025

Google

Spending: $75b in 2025

Projecting: They won't say, possibly zero.

As Zitron points out: this industry is projecting $327b in spending this year, with $18b in revenue and zero profits. For comparison: smart watches are a $32b/year industry.

Now, what about Openai? Well, they're one of Masoyoshi Son's special children, of a piece with Wework and Uber. Openai is projecting $12.7b in revenue this year, with losses of $14b. Add in a bunch of also-rans like Perplexity and Surge, and the revenue rises to $32.3b. But…if you chuck them in, you also get total exenditure of $370.8b.

These are by no means the only funny numbers in the AI industry. Take "Stargate," a data-center initiative with a price tag of $500b. Actual funds committed? $40b.

These are terrible numbers, but also, these are some genuinely impressive accounting gimmicks. They are certain to keep the bubble pumping for months or perhaps years, convincing gullible bosses to fire talented employees and replace them with bumbling chatbots that will linger for years or decades, the asbestos in the walls of our high-tech civilization.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/06/30/accounting-gaffs/#artificial-income

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[infamous-if]

✭INFAMOUS UPDATE IS HERE ✭

238K -> 457K WORDS

Please read this post before playing! It's finally here! After five months of writing and rewriting and salvaging and crying and sweating and bleeding I finally finished sort of kind of! Firstly, I want to thank you for your patience and understanding over this duration of this rewrite. It was stressful at times but I'm happy with the end result and I hope everyone else will be too :)

This will be the last chapter I release without beta testers/other sets of eyes so expect errors. I can playtest until my fingers turn blue but I'm just one person </3 I'm bound to have missed stuff.

Please let me know of errors! I tested it a few times with no problems but we know how it goes lol

IN THIS CHAPTER THREE UPDATE:

drama

mayhem

chaos

some betrayal

some surprises

just...read it lmao

PROLOGUE - CHAPTER 2 CHANGES:

**chapter two was too large of a file to upload on dd so I had to split it last minute and I uhhhh dont know how that translates in the demo but it should work lol please let me know if its wonky!**

fixed up grammatical errors and typos

expanded some scenes and added some more choices

you can now choose that your mc has "changed" in some way (drinking, no longer drinking, partier, no longer a partier, negative, positive, attached, detached, or a general default. I was asked to add an MC who "gets around" or hookups a lot but I'm still debating on whether I'll add that since there's already quite a bit lolol)

you can choose to have changed your band's genre before/after seven

TECHNICAL CHANGES:

you will be able to explicitly state your sexuality in the beginning. this was a big ask and I apologize for not doing it earlier! I wasn't good at coding when I started and I knew I always wanted to make the genders separate from MC's sexuality but I didn't know how to do that at the start :) So you can still choose the genders of the ROs for story purposes and variety. IF YOU DO NOT SEE ROMANCE OPTIONS THAT IS NOT A BUG. You simply chose a RO gender that doesn't correlate with the sexuality you chose for your MC. Having said that, if you do see a romance option available and it's not supposed to be there please let me know! That means I may have missed it coding-wise.

the stats have been all fixed! I've added all the necessary variables and such. The stat portion of the game has been updated with the appropriate pages but they're not finished. Still, the stats should be fine.

You will now have confessionals in the stat page! The feature still isn't a thing yet because I haven't come up with the confessionals lolol but you can click on it to see what it's about. Essentially, as you progress through the story you will be able to see confessionals from the cast of Infamous throughout. They disappear and appear periodically so if you miss it, THAT'S IT! You won't get a chance to see them again until MC watches an episode where it's relevant.

There is now a: Discography page, Infamous wiki, botb cast and staff page, and other characters page for organization. Those are not finished but they're there!

I changed a few stat names but their functions remain the same.

You will be able to choose how you would like to be described (masculine, feminine, neither, both).

O is officially gender-selectable.

You can set the genders of the ROs at the start or wait till you meet them.

PLAY HERE

[brucewaynehater101]

Mafia AU with the batfamily, but it starts when Jason comes back as the Red Hood.

In this AU, Dick is the first one to find out about Jason being a crime lord. He finds out that his little brother is alive and running a gang and says "fuck it."

Is Dick currently a police officer and vigilante? Yes. Does he also immediately quit his day job to join Red Hood's gang as soon as finds out? Also yes.

Dick has a second chance with his brother. Is this brother a little murderous? Sure. Dick's tried to kill people too, though. Also, Dick is 83% sure Tim's got a kill count. It's fine.

So Jason is confused why Dick is willing to join a gang. The oldest brother says some cringe worthy stuff about family and Jason takes the action as the proof of love and loyalty it is (also, somehow Dick is just as terrifying to their enemies as Red Hood, but Dick doesn't kill them).

Tim, upon seeing Dick join a gang, instantly researches the hell out of this group. He finds out it's Jason, runs the stats for how crime has dropped in Crime Alley, and instantly starts working behind the scenes to create a smoother path for them. Without meaning to, Tim becomes the shadow boss for Jason's gang. The brothers are not aware that the other gangs, mobs, and rogues are wary of whomever it is that's smoothly guiding Red Hood's gang to success.

Red Hood is the face, Nightwing (though maybe a different moniker) is his right-hand man, and there's someone steering them to victory.

The startling efficiency of the gang and quick ascent drives Bruce into a paranoid bender. The man also has no clue where Dick wandered off to and why he's ignorning Bruce. Tim, as Robin, pretends to try to help Batman take down this group. This causes mass amounts of confusion because no one is aware that Tim is helping Hood besides Tim himself.

When Damian first appears in Gotham, he doesn't immediately go to Wayne Manor. He stalks it first. And what does he find? Tim is apparently shadow controlling a major mafia in Gotham.

As some convulted plan to dethrone Tim from Robin (and also because Damian is not aware that shadow controlling a gang is against Bruce's rules [like how he doesn't know murder is a big no no]), Damian decides to infiltrate Jason's gang. At first it's rocky cause Jason doesn't want kids in that line of work, but Damian being Talia's kid (and the chance to provide Damian a better childhood) has Jason and Dick adopting the child. They try to keep the runt out of the work as much as possible.

They all (minus Tim) grow closer until one night Damian overhears Jason lamenting to Dick about how the Joker is still alive. Jason hates that his father never avenged him.

Damian decides to fix that by killing the Joker.

When Dick and Jason confront Damian about this, he reveals Tim is controlling their entire mafia from the shadows.

[secretsnowclub]

Building a Time Machine to Review Lancer

This article begins with Snow completing a time machine and traveling back to the year 2006. Snow appears in her childhood bedroom with her Fourteen-Year-Old Self [from now referenced as 14].

Snow: I’ve come from the future to ask you some questions. I’m struggling to review this book.

14: I become a girl?

Snow: We don’t have time for that. I’m only here for the book.

Snow holds up Lancer, the 2020 Mecha TTRPG from Massif Press. Funded on kickstarter in 2019 to the tune of $432,029 on the back of a long beta-phase, facilitated by the Lancer subreddit, and the vibrant illustrations of Tom Parkinson Morgan, creator of Kill Six Billion Demons, the wildly successful web comic.

Snow doesn’t tell this to 14 because it would take too long to explain that, in the future, people could have a job like that and make that kind of money. And if 14 knew, then the entire trajectory of her life would change.

14: Makes sense. It’s really big. What’s a Lancer?

Snow: Like 500 pages, but It’s not important. It’s like a Gundam.

14: Like Gundam SD? Zaku Zaku hour?

Snow: No.

14: Like G Gundam? With the horse guy?

Snow: No. I thought you were cooler than this.

14: Shrugs. So it’s just a mecha thing? Mechs are cool. That art’s really sick. Can I be that guy on the front?

Snow: Ideally. It’s like 4th Edition. Has that come out yet? Never mind, you’ll like it. Here. Hands 14 the book. I want you to read through it and tell me what you think.

14 opens the book, flipping a few pages, then cuts the book in half, flipping quickly through the front and middle.

Snow: What’s that? What’re you doing?

14: I never read the front stuff. I tried with D20 Modern, but it’s all just kinda boring. I wanna make a mech. In the Naruto game we played, making your ninja was the best part.

Snow and 14 sit on the floor with some paper and make their mechs.

Snow: It says here that all new players start with the same basic frame, the Everest.

14 flips to the Everest.

14: There’s no picture for it.

Snow: Well, my guess is that they let you make it look however you want since everyone starts with it.

14: The others have pictures though, and look how cool they are. The Blackbeard, the Drake, the Nelson. I wanna be the Nelson. Look at the cape!

Snow: Can you make sense of the stats and stuff?

14: I mean, it mostly makes sense. I don’t know what Repair Cap is. Or Heat or anything like that. But the traits are cool. Boost is probably an action. Immobilized or Slowed make sense as conditions. And the Skirmisher ability is so cool. I’m like, gliding through the battlefield with a spear, cutting down mechs and backflipping away.

Snow: Okay so…

Snow bookmarks page 140 with a finger and flips back to page 30. She does this several times before reading through to page 36.

14, bored, tries to draw a mech.

Snow: Um, ah, I see. So these things are your stats, like in Star Wars or Pathfinder.

14: What’s Hull?

Snow: That’s like your strength. It says “Roll Hull when smashing through or pulverizing obstacles.” But you won’t know what your Hull bonus is until you make your pilot. They get mech skill points to put into your mech stats. We need more bookmarks if we’re gonna do this..

14: Mom’s got the printer. A lot of books are big and confusing, so I just print off the important pages. You really only need like 20 of them to figure out the game I bet.

Snow: Speed is movement, Evasion is kind of like Armor Class, Sensor is your range to detect enemies and use hacking things on them, and E-Defense is Armor Class for hacking, but Heat is like HP for hacking, and then Stress is like Structure but for hacking, so, like, Structure and Stress are, like, if you drop to 0HP, you lose a Structure and regain all HP and kinda do it all over again, so it’s like extra lives, except you might get a scar or something, same for Stress–

14: Mom’s got the printer.

14 sits at a buzzing Dell computer on the enclosed front porch while the bulky printer spits out some pages in jagged black and white ink.

Snow reads about combat.

Snow: Do you still have the old gundam figurines? I think we put them in the basement. I don’t remember when.

14: I’m not sure, why?

Snow: First of all, don’t let mom throw them away. She’s gonna throw away a lot of your stuff and you’ll wish you still had when you get to where I am. Secondly, we can use them for combat. It’s grid-based, so we’ll have to figure that out. Get a map or something.

14: I hate grids.

Snow ignores 14 and continues to read.

14: Figure all that out yet?

Snow: Yeah, I think so. I think it’s actually really simple, just that everything’s spread out. You’re just rolling a D20-plus-stuff against the static numbers to see if you hit. Then your attachments can raise the static numbers. Accuracy and Difficulty are like additional modifiers that can happen with cover or if you’re affected by a status. It’s just like D&D. But with mechs.

14: It does just kinda give you a buncha numbers.

Snow: We also just flipped to the mechs though, so–

14: But that’s why we’re here though, right? I don’t want to read about all this random stuff. I want to take the mechs and play the game in as little time as possible. If I have to sit and explain all this to the guys, they’re gonna be so bored. They’d rather play Star Wars or something.

Snow: You think it would be better if you opened the book and it was just mechs right up front?

14: It sounds kinda silly when you say it like that. It’s more that, it being a big book you already know it’s going to be boring, right? They always are. I feel like the good version of such a big, mecha book is that it would be filled with mechs. It should be filled with pre-built pilots and just, like, the rules for making your own if you want to. The art is so cool, why would you want to start by building your own mech when you could pick this cool gunslinger one? If I opened this book and it was just like “pick a pilot and pick your mech, here’s a grid so you can fight and here’s the one page with all the basic rules on it,” then I could play it right now and we wouldn’t be sitting here waiting for these pages to print.

The printer stutters.

Snow: Would it make you feel any different if I told you this was made by just two people?

14: What? Really? Why?

Snow: Well, not only two people. Miguel Lopez and Tom Parkinson Morgan wrote and designed the whole thing. Tom and a bunch of others did the art. It was edited by Melody Watson and the layout was done by Minerva McJanda.

14: I don’t know who any of those people are.

Snow: It was a small team, is what I’m trying to say.

The printer whirs to a stop.

14: But look, I just put together the important parts so that we can actually play. And I’m fourteen.

14 and Snow continue talking, sitting at the dining room table.

Snow: What about the GM section? Won’t you need it to run the game?

14: No. I’ve seen Gundam Seed and Patlabor and Appleseed. I’ll just do that but with, like, a Death Star or something.

Snow: Just take a look. I want your opinion on it.

14 skims the section.

14: GM Principles. Facilitate fun, no duh. Renounce control? That’s a no brainer. Just last week the group killed the big bad in the Star Wars campaign in the first session. Funniest shit that’s ever happened.

Snow: Haha, I remember that.

14: Consider your players… I’m sorry, but what is this? Is this book trying to teach me how to be a good friend to my friends?

Snow: Well, maybe you’re not playing with friends?

14: Why would I do that? And why would playing with strangers make me act like a jerk all of a sudden?

Snow: Shrugs. Remember that game at the card shop when that new worker ran a game and was killing everyone’s characters for fun?

14: Yeah…that sucked. But that guy was just a jerk. He got fired for stealing Magic cards or something, I think.

Snow: Well, maybe the idea is that if this is in the book, stuff like that won’t happen or can be stopped. Y’know, like a kid reading this might feel comfortable enough to speak up.

14: The only reason we didn’t speak up was because he was an adult. We knew he was a jerk the whole time, we just wanted it to be over so we could go do something else. Maybe if adults weren’t assholes things would be better.

Snow: I understand.

Beat.

Snow: I kinda like the questions here under Eliciting Responses. Those are actionable and could be nice for awkward pauses.

14: Yeah, those are alright.

14 and Snow sit at the table having just finished making pilots.

Snow: How’d you like that?

14: That was kinda fun. The pilot portraits are really cool. There’s a lot of cool art in here that makes me really want to be those people. The backgrounds remind me of D20 Modern, but they’re actually useful here. I like the Triggers and I want to make a bunch of them. I can’t wait to see what the group ends up making.

Snow: My favorite part is that all skill checks are just trying to beat a 10. I’ve stolen that for some of my own games.

14: Wait, you make games?

Snow: Yeah. It’s sort of why I’m doing this interview with you.

14: Oh, so this is your job?

Snow: Thinks for a moment. No, this is just sort of a compulsion. But my job is making games. I’ve made a few.

14: That’s really cool. I didn’t even know that could be a job.

Snow: You’re gonna like it. It’ll be a while before it happens though. You’ve gotta go through some things first.

14: Ignores her. But yeah, I really like the pilot stuff. I could honestly see us using that for its own game. I don’t know, my mind has like six different ideas for a campaign right now. You could use this as like pilots for fighter planes, or race cars, or like even some kind of Code Lyoko situation.

Snow: Is that important to you? Being able to reuse ideas or think of new ways to use what’s in the book?

14: Well…I think it’s more that the book showed me an easy way to make ideas I already had into a reality. Like, we always wanted to run a zombie game, but with D&D it didn’t feel right. After we read D20 Apocalypse though, it felt more natural.

Snow: That’s a good thought. What about Section 2: Missions and Downtime?

14: I probably won’t use any of it.

Snow: Why not?

14: I don’t know. Like I said before, I’ve seen Gundam. I already know the stories I want to have. I think that’s the easiest part.

Snow: What’s the hard part then?

14: Um, maps, enemies. Cool rival pilots. Things that give me more ideas. I don’t really need it to tell me how to do a mission or whatever. I’ve watched Saving Private Ryan and I’ve played Medal of Honor, so… the only thing missing is the inspiration. Stuff I couldn’t think about by just sitting and watching T.V.

Snow: And what about the downtime actions?

14: I don’t know.

Snow: No opinions?

14: Shrugs. Same answer, I guess.

Snow: Do you think the rest of the book is used well?

14: I don’t really know what you mean by “used well.” But it’s a lot of information to parse. They can’t expect I’ll read this all at once, or even read it all before I play the game. There’s so many templates and different types of NPCs. Tons of symbols for weapons and attacks. It’s just a lot of information that my brain can’t really make sense of right now.

Snow: Do you wish it were simplified?

14: I think we both agree that the game is rather simple, the actual rules are easy to learn, but the way it’s presented makes it hard to grasp.

Snow: Yeah, I agree. But when I actually stop to read any of it, the ideas are pretty good and usable. Like, reading the Sniper NPC gives me an idea for an encounter. But you’re right, it is A LOT. But I don’t think it’s any more or less than, say, what the Monster Manual has, for instance.

14: Yeah, but there’s so many optional things. The Monster Manual really just gives you one instance of a thing, so you can take out, like, a dragon, and just use it right then. You don’t have to build it or be selective about it. I don’t really know if one way of doing it is better, I just know that I feel overwhelmed by the book right now and will probably just make a lot of stuff up on the fly as we play.

Snow: I understand.

Beat.

Snow: I wish mom would take you to the doctor.

14: Huh? Why?

Snow: It’s nothing. There’s so many things I wish I could tell you–so many things you’ll learn between now and when you become me–

14: A girl?

Snow: Unphased. And you’ll wish that maybe someone paid more attention. So many things that would help you make sense of who you are and how your brain works.

14: Wait, are you crying?

Snow: No, no.

14 and Snow run a few rounds of combat, just the two of them. 14 pilots the Nelson, decked out with a Custom Paint Job, Expanded Compartment, and Manipulators. The last of 14’s SP is spent to get the Type-1 Flight System. So now the Nelson counts as flying while it boosts towards enemies, War Pike at the ready. Sides strapped with two pistols and a shotgun in case things get hairy.

Snow builds out Horus’s Pegasus model but doesn’t use it for the combat. Instead, they control a few squads of infantry and an Archer NPC with the Flier Ship Template.

Snow sets the scene: 14 is sent behind enemy lines to take out a ship that holds a nuclear armament. It’s set to leave the atmosphere this evening and must be grounded.

The fight is slow and methodical. They listen to the Halo 2 Movement Suite the entire time.

Snow: That was fun.

14: Yeah, that was epic. I don’t normally like grids, but it kinda makes sense with mechs. It’d be really fun to, like, be the pilot and do Gundam Wing stuff before getting into this big conflict that’s, like, really intense.

Snow: I bet it might get a little monotonous with all the guys here.

14: Naw. They love it when combat takes forever. I think it’ll be even better with more people. You can use strategy and talk to each other about where you’re gonna go and who you’re gonna attack. Coordinate stuff. I’m sure there’s a limit to how many people you can add before it’s too much, but that’s true of everything.

Snow: Good point.

14: I can’t wait to play some more tonight.

14 and Snow sit quietly for a moment.

Snow: Well I should really get back. Do you think I should leave the book with you or take it back with me?

14: If you need it, you can keep it.

Snow: It’s your choice, kid. I came here for you.

14: I’ll definitely keep it then.

Snow hands over the book to 14. They don’t hug or anything. They just stand there as awkward reflections of each other.

Snow: So…you like it after all?

14: Yeah. It’s really cool. I’ll probably read it all some day. Or not. I’ll probably just make up the stuff that makes my brain all fuzzy.

Snow: Good plan.

Snow says goodbye to 14 and steps back through into the present.

When they return, on their desk is a beat-up copy of Lancer. The pages are torn, some removed completely. Spine bent. Water damaged. Notes written in the margins. Black marker crosses out enough to make it look like poetry.

And atop it, a solitary Gundam figurine sits waiting.

You can find lancer on itch.io.

If you enjoy writing like this, consider supporting my patreon and following my substack, where this and many more articles have been available already~

[thesharktanksdriver]

Devils may love?: MARVEL vs CAPCOM

Thought I’d make this as a fun what if? And addition to devils may love?. Also dedicated to my sincere love of fighting games that I suck at playing

Links: masterlist, part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

You’d long accepted that working at devil may cry but especially under a boss like Dante meant you’d be in for a lot more than you initially signed up for

From being kidnapped by his evil twin brother

Almost dying via a jester demon

The raccoons in the back

And not to mention the entirety of mallet island

Not much you could say really phased you anymore unless it was Dante related or your parents

But even then, this was plane ridiculous

You think this to yourself staring at a mixture of super hero’s and many other oddballs

Apparently the multiverse exists and it’s in danger or something

And Dante was dragged into it and by extension you

God your life was complicated as it was before this

Now all this multiverse bullshit is just making it worse

Character profile

Weapons: given to them by their friend Lady, Honeypie carries around a steel briefcase that can be both used to attack and carries a variety of weapons they half hazardly packed into it. From Agni and Rudra to Nevan and many more goodies like firearms. They’re armed to the teeth to make up for lack of demon heritage that a certain someone has.

Profile: Honeypie also known as y/n- is the secretary of devil may cry and quote “the person keeping this place from burning down”. They were a normal person who when needing cash turned to the place that would eventually be named “devil may cry”. Though now being a decently trained person due to two devil hunters they prefer not to be involved in the madness unless necessary but keeps getting dragged into it whether due to Dante’s shenanigans or due to an intense worry for their friends safety.

First appearance: devil may cry (2001)

Power grid

Intelligence: 5/7

Strength: 2/7

Speed: 4/7

Stamina: 4/7

Energy projection: huh? Dante what the hell does that mean- 1/7

Fighting ability: 5/7

(Tacked on with a sticky note onto the stat screen is) Effectiveness in making a broom a weapon: 7/7

A few Character interactions

With Phoenix wright

“Can I get your card? With how much trouble Dante gets into I might need a defence attorney on stand by”

With Morrigan

“Oh are you the same Morrigan that Nevan mentioned? She asked me to invite you to movie night if I ran into you, plus she has some gossip that “is so juicy that it’s to die for” apparently”

With rocket raccoon

“Dear god, please tell me you’re not from the same pack behind the shop. I can deal with demons but not that”

Deadpool

“You’re paying for the damages to dmc that you caused this isn’t up for discussion….also please stop calling me a “reader insert” I don’t know what that means nor do I care that apparently god is a shark tanks diver”

Chun-Li

“Would you be up for potentially training me? My friend lady showed me some hand to hand but I’m really lacking in that department still”

Chris redfield

“Redfield? Sorry thought you said Redgrave for a second there. Similar last name to me and Dante’s hometown….Though I guess there is also that journalist Antonio Redgrave”

Jill Valentine

“You and lady would get along, maybe I should hook you two up sometime. I’m sure she’d be up for drinks”

Wesker

“Uhh please stop looking at me like you’re dissecting me…it’s fucking weird”

Professor X

“Since your a mind reader can you confirm for me if Dante has pizza and sundaes on his mind 24/7? Because I don’t know what else could be going on in there anymore”

Mephisto

“Stop trying to rope me into a deal unless you want Dante, Trish and lady on your ass buddy”

Amaterasu

“Aww you’re a good girl! The bestest girl Ammy!”

Dante interactions

Intro 1 (when equipped with Honeypie as a teamate)

“Cmon! say it please”

“Really?”

“I’ll finish the stack of stuff on my desk when we get back”

“ugh fine…..Featuring Dante from devil may cry”

Intro 2 (when equipped with Honeypie as a teamate)

“Hey! Stay back this time! I don’t want you hurt again!”

“I’ll be fine Dante, just get this over with already”

Intro 3 (when equipped with Honeypie as a teamate)

“Oi! Get back here Dante! You still have the bills to pay!”

“Sorry but Duty calls Honeypie!”

“Duty my ass! You can wipe the floor with them any day! Now finish this quick”

“Aww I’m touched honey~”

Victory (with Honeypie as a teammate)

“Say it with me honey!”

“….fine”

“Jackpot”

Loss (with Honeypie as a teammate)

“Ughhhhh Honeypie can you kiss my wounds better?”

“Dante your already healing”

“My heart isn’t healed though”

“Seems like your brain hasn’t either”

Intro 1 (when fighting Honeypie)

“Cmon honey! No need to be so upset”

“Dante I’m going to make hell look like a cakewalk unless you pay the electricity”

“Uh…so about that, I may or may not have spent that money on pizza-“

“I’m going to kill you”

Intro 2 (when fighting Honeypie)

“Don’t worry honeypie~ I’ll be gentle with ya”

“That’s it! Get over here!!”

“Woah hey copyright-“

Intro 3 (when fighting Honeypie)

“Is this about the raccoons?! I swear I didn’t mean to teach them how to use guns”

“What?!? No!! This is about you tracking blood on the carpet and now apparently i have more than just one reason to be mad at you!!”

“Oops”

Victory (against Honeypie)

“I wasn’t too rough with you, was I?”

“You better give me a bonus asshole…”

“Ok that’s pretty fair. I did try to be gent-”

“Dante stop talking right now”

Loss (against Honeypie)

“That was a dirty trick bringing out the broom and spritzing me”

“Alls fair in love and war Dante”

“God I wish that were true”

“Huh?”

Vergil interactions

Intro 1 (with Honeypie as a teammate)

“Next time can you please just ask instead of grabbing me and dragging me here? I would’ve said yes”

“I shall…keep that in mind for my next encounter”

“Thanks, that might be sooner rather than later considering I already hear Dante”

Intro 2 (with Honeypie as a teammate)

“Stay back, I shall handle this quickly”

“Uhh ok? That doesn’t answer why you brought me here though-“

Intro 3 (with Honeypie as a teammate)

“Show me how you’ve gotten stronger than when we last met, I’m curious the devil arms you’d acquired”

“I’ll do my best, but a quick warning is that I’m not on your level”

“You have more power than most other humans”

“Thanks, I can’t tell if I should take that as a compliment since your saying this knowing there are a bunch of superhero’s around us or a jab about humanity…I’ll choose the first option”

“Wise choice”

Victory (with Honeypie as a teammate)

“The arrows of almighty god are drawn, angels of death louring in the heaven”

“Thousands of souls must seek the realms of light, and walk together on the clouds of heaven”

“Prepare, prepare”

Loss (with Honeypie as a teammate)

“Don’t look at me with such pity”

“There’s a difference between pity and sympathy Vergil. Now, Heal your wounds instead of throwing yourself into another battle let alone hell again”

Intro 1 (when fighting Honeypie)

“Would you stop with repeatedly kidnapping me?!?”

“Must you be so difficult and just follow me?”

“Why you can’t you just ask like a normal person?!?”

Intro 2 (when fighting Honeypie)

“Please don’t slice my arm off or something in this kind of friendly practice fight”

“I’d never harm you in such a way…”

“That was both ominous and reassuring”

Intro 3 (when fighting Honeypie)

“Please don’t be too rough with me, I can’t walk off being impaled like Dante”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle”

“Wow…you two really are twins”

Victory (against Honeypie)

“Come now, I’ll show you the true power I’d attained”

“You really could have just taken a minute to ask Vergil”

Loss (against Honeypie)

“What?! How!”

“Wow even I’m surprised here. I guess the broom and spraying water trick works well against demons like their disgruntled cats”

Trish interactions

Intro 1 (when equipped with Honeypie as a teamate)

“Good to see you honey~ things certainly got more interesting”

“I’d say it’s good to see you too before I heard that nickname”

“If you help me win I’ll stop calling you it-“

“Deal!”

“-For the day”

“Damn it, I forget your real devil sometimes”

Intro 2 (when equipped with Honeypie as a teamate)

“Be sure to wear something rubber, things might get a bit electrifying”

“Uhh I’m in leather right now,”

“Even better”

“Huh? Well Uh, I’m gonna keep at least 5 feet away”

Intro 3 (when equipped with Honeypie as a teamate)

“I like the new pants Trish!“

“I dress to impress. I’ll take you shopping when this is over and show you where”

Victory (with Honeypie as a teamate)

“Wah~ hey! You shocked me on purpose there!”

“I plead the fifth honey-”

“What about our agreement!”

“Fine, Darling…doesn’t have the same ring to it though”

“What is with all of you and that god awful nickname?”

Loss (with Honeypie as a teammate)

“Well looks like your still my sweet Honeypie for now”

“Nooooo! Damn it!”

“Better luck next time honey. Now let’s go shopping to feel better”

Intro 1 (against Honeypie)

“Uh, you won’t fry me too bad right? I’d rather not have electrical burns on me”

“As if I could ever burn that pretty face of yours”

“Uh we sure that I’m the pretty face here?”

“As sure as I am that hell will freeze over when Dante settles his tab”

Intro 2 (against Honeypie)

“Don’t look so nervous honey, I won’t spark you too hard”

“I’m Moreso worried about having a motorcycle chucked at me”

Intro 3 (against Honeypie)

“This is reminding me a bit of mallet island”

“Don’t worry Trish, *ahem* I’ll fill Your dark soul with light!”

“Pfft- I’m gonna tell Dante you quoted that”

“Oh please don’t-“

Victory (against Honeypie)

“ you good there Honeypie?”

“Note to self…I’m never taking the risk of pissing you off in any way possible”

“Don’t worry, I’ll rub some salve on your wounds”

Loss (against Honeypie)

“Colour me impressed, you’ve gotten a lot better”

“I just still can’t believe broom worked”

“I’ve seen Dante use much worse as a weapon and succeed, anything is possible”

@galaxylibella @dragon-lord-lysander @idleviewer @rosvaline @superbfuryfest @localegdealer @mellophoned @justanotherweeb666 @her-majesty-horiko @treelogirl @angstylittleb1tch @coinduck @living-my-best-life5

[munsonssweets]

౨ৎ critical hit - e.m

something something finding eddie alone in the drama room after a game of d&d whatever i haven’t written anything in three years and this is my first time writing anything for eddie sorry if it’s short

-

nervous and kinda a little bit subby!eddie x popular-in-high-school-and-still-pretty-popular-now!reader, post s4, eddie lives but he’s still in school

-

The low level lighting Eddie keeps the drama room under for Hellfire night is working against him as the candlelight flickers across your features. He doesn’t think he’s seen anything as beautiful as you in this moment, and he takes advantage of the fact that you aren’t looking at him to admire every slope and plane of your face in the near-darkness.

As you examine the character sheet splayed out on the dark oak table in front of you, a few familiar words jump out at you.

“I don’t know…I feel like your Charisma should be higher than this.”

You run your finger over the stat before looking up at Eddie. Hip bumping against the table, you twist your mouth to one side before huffing a laugh through your nose.

“Y-Yeah?”

You nod slowly, eyes scanning the page again.

“These ones seem right though. Intelligence…Dexterity.”

Your eyes flick to where Eddie’s fingers are curled around the arm of his throne, knuckles white and rings glinting in the dim lighting. As you watch, the tendons in his hand flex subconsciously and your mouth fills with spit at the sight.

Eddie notices your stare and abruptly moves his hand, interrupting your gaze. He’s skittish and for some reason you find yourself desperate not to spook him, to keep him near you for longer.

“Well, I don’t really play with this character anymore. I’m DM so I mostly just guide the campaigns along…world-building, stuff like that.”

“Oh, I get it. You’re the master.”

Your words visibly affect him. His mouth opens as though to say the next thing, but as his brain registers what you’ve said his breath hitches in his throat. He stutters over a few syllables for a moment, mouth opening and closing as his eyes flick to yours then back to the character sheet.

“Y-You know what DM stands for?”

“Henderson talks a lot. Like, a lot.”

He laughs lightly and shifts from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

“He does…he does.”

A silence stretches between the two of you as you continue to examine him. He knows you're watching but chooses to pretend like you’re not, anxiously shuffling some loose papers and readjusting figurines.

“So do you, usually.” You push.

“Apparently not tonight.”

You had expected him to deny his sudden shyness, laugh it off, tell you he didn’t know what you meant. Not this. Now you had both acknowledged that there was something different about him tonight.

“Apparently not.” You echoed. “Cat got your tongue?”

His eyes dart to yours before falling to where your tongue traces the corner of your parted lips. He shakes his head slowly, a shaky intake of breath rattling in his lungs.

“No? Then, what?”

You were just teasing him now, but you couldn’t help it. Not when a light dusting of pink appeared on the apples of his cheeks, breaths coming out stuttered and shallow, fingers fidgeting with whatever was closest.

“I-It’s just…I’m just-”

His eyes widen slightly as you take another step closer, hip sliding along the table toward him as you force eye contact with him.

“Nervous? What are you nervous for, Munson?”

“M’not nerv- no! I’m not nervous!” Definitely nervous. Adorable.

“You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

“I don’t know what you’re- that’s crazy. No. I’m not-”

Your warm hand comes to rest on his bicep over the leather of his jacket, and Eddie’s eyes immediately follow the movement. You take his moment of distraction to fully encroach on his space, taking one final step closer so that your chests brush making it so that you’re forced to tilt your head right back to look at him.

“You’re not? S’that why you won’t look at me?”

He scoffs slightly as you bring your other hand up to his chest, sliding it over the crude logo printed there and over his shoulder before reaching its final destination behind his neck. When he moves his head to the side to avoid looking at you, you follow, determined to maintain eye contact.

“Eddie.”

It’s the sound of your voice saying his first name, not your usual ‘Munson’, that makes his eyes finally meet yours for good. Your gaze flicks down to his plump, slightly chapped lips for long enough that he has no choice but to understand what you’re about to do next.

Lifting yourself onto your toes, you push yourself against him, chest to chest, hips to hips, and plant a featherlight kiss to his parted lips. It’s barely there, and you hardly shut your eyes during it, but it does the trick. Before you can even lower yourself back down to your usual height, Eddie has kicked himself into gear.

From there on it’s all hands and teeth and tongues; Eddie kisses like he does everything else, untamed, wild, a little feral. He eliminates the space between you with a tug of your hips to his, so close you can feel the warmth radiating from his body, warming his clothes, warming his skin, hot like a furnace fuelled by the noise of relief you make as he presses his lips to yours.

Your skin feels like it’s on fire and your lungs burn, screaming for air. As soon as you make the slightest movement to pull away, Eddie moves quickly. One of his hands ceases its bruising grip on your hip to wrap around your back and pull you flush against him as the other moves to grip your face, fingers curling around the base of your skull as your cheek is pressed into his palm.

You make a slightly strangled ‘Mm!’ sound against his lips as they stop moving against yours in favour of simply pressing tightly. Closed lips to closed lips. Deep breaths through noses. A giggle bubbles up from within you and finally breaks the connection between you as it escapes against his lips. Pulling apart with a soft click, you finally breathe full, deep, huffing breaths as you gaze up at him with glassy eyes.

Eddie’s not in much better shape. You can feel his hand tremble as his fingers scratch against your scalp, his thumb running tentative lines back and forth across your cheekbone. His eyes can’t stay focussed on one spot for too long. They dart across your face, from eyes to lips to cheeks to chin, erratic but never leaving you. His lips are slightly parted, kiss-bitten and tempting, as stuttered breaths escape him.

“Yeah?” You both know what you mean when you crane your neck back slightly and find his eyes with yours. He knows you can feel him, already tight denim stretched even tighter as it brushes your stomach. You can’t help but be smug.

Eddie’s wet eyes follow every slow movement you make. He could stop you at any moment, but he doesn’t. Just lets you trace patterns on his abdomen, occasionally dipping lower but course correcting every time. You don’t want to give into him that easily-

“Please-“

Well, fuck.

It can’t even cross your mind not to give him what he’s asking for when he whimpers against your lips.

Not when he’s looking at you like that. Wrecked. He’s absolutely destroyed, come undone by one kiss.

Your fingertips, which have been nothing but gentle until now, extend until they’re splayed out over the zipper of his jeans, then they curl to cup the bulge there.

It’s Eddie’s undoing.

As his knees buckle he falls into you slightly, slamming his hand down onto the table behind you to catch himself. The movement presses your backside into the ledge of the tabletop as you sway with him while he rights himself.

You giggle as his lust-blown pupils refocus on you and your sly grin; he can’t help but mimic it as the flush on his cheeks extends down his neck. All this, and your hand hasn’t even moved yet.

“I’m really hard right now.” Hoarse. Croaking. Honest.

“Yes,” You huff a quiet laugh. “I know.”

The blush is back, and this time it paints the tips of his ears a pretty pink. Eddie’s head drops forward as he exhales, wild curls falling to hang around his face. Well that just won’t do.

“Don’t hide from me.”

The speed with which his head snaps up to make immediate eye contact with you has your breath hitching. Oh. Oh.

Your hand - the one not currently cupping the front of his jeans - comes up to trace a fingertip across his cheekbone before brushing a rogue curl from his face. The texture of his hair and the friction it seems to create simply from rubbing against itself keeps the curl exactly where you want it; out of his breathtaking face.

“Wanna see you. Wanna see what I do to you.”

Eddie’s lips are parting and pressing together in a wordless cycle, unable to conjure any coherent noise or draw in a full breath. You think that you may as well put another nail in the coffin, and flex your fingers again. And again. Then you press your palm downwards. Then back. Palm down, fingers flex, cup, palm back up. Again. Again. He whimpers. Whimpers. Eyelashes fluttering, breath hitching, fucking whimpers.

“C-can’t- I can’t…”

Not what you wanted to hear. Immediately, you retract your hand, palm tingling with the after effects of rubbing it over taut denim, but the sudden absence of your touch just seems to elicit a more distraught reaction from him.

“No!” His protest is the loudest you’ve heard him all evening.

You’re stuck standing before him, arms suspended out to the sides of your body like some kind of marionette awaiting your puppet master’s next command. The sting of rejection tightens your chest, but you push it down for Eddie’s sake.

In his defence, there hadn’t been much discussion before you’d started feeling him up after cornering him in the limited space between his makeshift throne and the head of the table. Finding him in here alone when you’d come to pick up Dustin Henderson, only to find out the little shit had hitched a ride home with Wheeler and neglected to tell you, had seemed like all the stars aligning. You’re only now realising that maybe you should have tried conjuring up, like, a single coherent thought before rubbing yourself all over Eddie Munson like some animal in heat.

“S-sorry!” Your apology is more of a squeak as your eyes round, startled gaze looking up at his flushed face.

Eddie’s ring clad fingers lurch forward to circle your wrists, squeezing so tightly you feel your fingertips thrum with your own pulse. Your fingers flex, this time around the thick air between the two of you, and not the hard, hot length of the boy you’ve been daydreaming about for months. It seems a waste of your fine motor skills, but with Eddie’s big, brown, afraid eyes staring down at you the only thought running through your brain is “make it all better, you colossal imbecile!”

He’s shaking his head now, back and forth, curls swaying with the movement as he squeezes his eyes shut, mouth tightening into a firm line. He’s trying his best to form words, something, anything, but with you standing so close to him he’s not sure he has a hope in hell. You’re more than happy to help.

”Eddie, I’m so fucking sorry. I got carried away, I should’ve checked. I just thought that maybe-“ A sharp inhale so that you can continue your rambling, “But no, it makes so much sense, and of course you wouldn’t want that, I feel so fucking stupid-“

”What?”

The only thing you wanted was to get away from here immediately, turn heel and run and never show your face to anyone ever again, but with Eddie still clutching your wrists like his life depended on it you had to settle for the next best thing in letting your gaze fall to the floor. Avoidant. Ashamed.

”No, now you look at me.” Eddie bends his knees slightly to tilt his neck and attempt eye contact with you, “What?”

Oh, you were not going to cry right now. All those years of work you’d put into perfecting the art of flirting with airhead jocks to get them lovesick and pliant for you, and you were going to pout over one boy rejecting you one time? Granted Eddie was, in your eyes, the only boy, so yeah, it was going to be a tough one, but c’mon man.

“Eddie, just let me go. Please. I’ll go, just please let me-“ Small, tiny, timid voice. So unlike anything he’d ever heard leave your mouth.

”No, hey come on…look at me, please?”

There was something about the way he said it, the way he pleaded for you to look at him that had your eyes shifting to reluctantly meet his.

”What are you talking about?” His voice was practically dripping with incredulity over your reaction.

Okay, now you were just confused. Why wasn’t he looking at you like you were some kind of kicked puppy? Like some baby who’d never been told the word ‘no’?

”W-what?” The question on everyone’s lips tonight, apparently.

”You thought I was telling you I didn’t, what? Didn’t want this?” Eyes still incredulous, calloused fingers still encircling your wrists.

”You weren’t?”

“Baby…” One whispered word had never had as much of an affect on you as that one did. Thank goodness for the lip of the table sitting under your ass, otherwise the swoop in your stomach at his utterance would’ve had your knees giving way.

Eddie’s shaking his head, smiling, laughing to himself. His fingers finally unravel themselves from your wrists and you find yourself hoping the slight irritation to your skin would stay forever. He doesn’t go far. In fact, there’s barely a second between him releasing you from his clutches and his fingers finding a new home on your hips, bruising grip resuming as though you’ll disappear if he doesn’t hold you close to him.

”I was trying to tell you, and fuck I’m only now realising how it sounded, but, baby I was trying to tell you that I couldn’t keep going like that because if I didn’t get my hands on you in the next ten seconds I was going to fucking lose my mind.”

Oh. Well. You’re realising a little too late that you hadn’t prepared a response for if he’d said something like that. An apology, something self-deprecating to make him feel better about the whole thing maybe, but nothing appropriate for this moment right here. And now you’re standing there, mouth agape like a fish out of water, just fucking staring.

And Eddie’s laughing. Not at you exactly, but definitely at your fucking boner-killing outburst back there. He’s moving one hand from your hip to your cheek, and he’s gripping tightly, and he’s moving closer to you with an affectionate grin on his lips, and he’s kissing. He’s kissing you softly, reverently, like he’s got all the time in the world for you here in this moment. And he’s pressing closer again, encroaching on your space like before, and- oh. So maybe not boner-killing.

“I can’t believe this is happening…” Whispered hotly against your lips, Eddie’s words have the tingly excitement from before reigniting in your stomach. How he’s managed to revive your confidence with a couple of words of praise is beyond you, but you guess that’s why you like him so much in the first place.

A smile spreads across your face until the skin of your lips pulls tight, and Eddie doesn’t hesitate to kiss it with his own matching grin. It’s mostly teeth and dry lips gnashing together, but you think it just might be the most romantic kiss you’ve ever partaken in. It gets even better when Eddie’s lips go slack against yours as his jaw drops open, lips parting, brows furrowing, lashes fluttering; he’s discovered that it feels even better if he grinds that infamous bulge against your hip bone.

”F-fuck, you feel so good…”

”Yeah?” It sounds just as confident and taunting as before, but you and Eddie both know you’re seeking a little reassurance this go around.

”Mmhm…” His lips are tucked into his mouth, eyes clamped shut, head nodding rapidly as his hips stutter against you again, and again, and again. His eyes flutter open and take one look at you before clenching shut again, head hanging forward with a groan. “Oh my god, you’re so fucking pretty.”

Your stomach swoops with arousal at the realisation that he can't even bear to look at you right now for fear that he’ll do exactly what you’ve imagined him doing a hundred times before. In his jeans. Against your hip. Practically untouched. Fuck.

He whimpers again, like before, but there’s a sense of urgency to it that wasn’t there last time. Almost like he’s wounded, almost like it-

“Hurts…” God, he pretty much whines at you, sniffles, almost like he’s begging to be put out of his misery.

”Mm?” A condescending hum of agreement from you. “Want me to make it all better?”

You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone nod their head faster. Glassy eyes, blown pupils making already dark eyes even darker, flushed cheeks, bangs frizzy with the heat radiating off his own forehead.

You’d dreamed about plenty of different versions of Eddie Munson since you’d first realised the depth of your attraction to him; sometimes he was commanding, domineering, in control but always letting you have what you want. Other times your mind would conjure up an image of a mean Eddie, one who took what he wanted from you and showed no mercy, but one that was always attentive and in tune with what you needed from him.

Your favourite, however, was a version of Eddie that your mind would only let you have on very late nights, usually after having spent an evening in his company. In group settings, it seemed as though the only person Eddie had eyes for was you. He would follow you around like a lost puppy, laughing too hard at all of your jokes, tripping over his Reeboks to open doors for you, carrying shopping bags, paying for your food. The others laughed at him for it, made jokes about his lack of subtlety, but he never got mad at them, never brushed them off, never denied it.

On those nights, you would slip between your silk sheets, prop yourself up against your headboard, and imagine a version of Eddie Munson that was so needy, so eager to please, watery-eyed and responsive. Pathetic. He’d beg for you to let him have what he needs, but only if that’s what you want to give him because he would never be disobedient. He would pleasure you in any way you asked and would check that he was doing the right thing, making you feel good, over and over again. And when he’d been so good for you, done exactly what you’d asked exactly when you’d asked it, without complaint and to the best of his ability, that’s when you’d get your hands on him.

And that version of Eddie that your mind let you have all to yourself would sob. He’d thank you over and over in a high pitched, breathy whine. Those tears would finally fall and he would hide his face in your neck and he would worship you. That was your favourite version of him, and never in your wildest dreams did you think you would actually have him standing in front of you.

”Please…please, make it better…”

Jesus H. Christ.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Mark Grayson 💕 kissing somewhere other than lips

send a heart - 💕 kissing somewhere other than lips

[sort of a part ii to this request x]

-------------------------------------------------

After your workout and a quick shower in the locker room, you were finally done for the day and allowed to go home. You sigh as you heard the automatic doors open & shut for the last barrier to your freedom. This new training Cecil and his team had you on was murder.

You smile despite your sore muscles as you see Mark waiting for you in the hallway. Dressed in his casuals as well. No longer Invincible but Mark Grayson who was going to walk you home. Maybe stay and watch a movie. Maybe do some other stuff…..

“Good work today you two.” You turn to look over your shoulder just as you link your fingers with Mark to see Cecil behind you. How did the man always seem to appear like that? “Stats like that and we’ll be ready for the Super Bowl in no time.” You weren’t sure what the Super Bowl was in this scenario, but Cecil seemed certain it was going to come. “[Y/N], a word?”

Though it was phrased as a question, you knew as well as anyone that it wasn’t. You growl in your throat and squeeze Mark’s hand. “I’ll be back.”

“I’ll be outside.” He promised. Squeezing your hand back before he went out the doors.

You smile wistfully at your sweet boyfriend, before you clear it from your face and turn to Cecil. “Yes?”

“How is the new training going for you?” You arch a brow at Cecil’s question. He knew how it was going. You went over the stats report with the science guys personally with him in the room. So why the question?

“Fine.” You answer cautiously. “Why?”

“I just want to make sure my top players have the resources they need.” There was a pause as you and the older man stare at each other. Finally he added, “how’s Mark doing?”

‘Aahhh’ You thought as you realize you had come to the crux of this line of questioning. This wasn’t about you. It was about Mark. “Mark is fine.”

“You sure about that?” You arch your brow again. Was he questioning how well you knew your boyfriend? “Mark’s been through a lot. His dad tried to kill him, along with half the planet. He had to get his bones and skin stitched back together. People depending on him to save the world.”

“If you’re so worried he can’t handle it, then why don’t you take a little off Mark’s plate so he can.”

Cecil’s frown let you know that he did not like that suggestion. “I’m not saying Mark can’t handle it. I’m saying that I want us to be vigilant in case the boy wonder starts to crack.” It felt like there was another show about to drop. You don’t remember Cecil being this soft or altruistic with the rest of you. “I know you and Mark are close. I’m asking that you help him if he starts to buckle. And, let us know so we can manage it.”

You were shocked. “You want me to spy on Mark.” That’s what all of this was about.

“I’m not asking you to spy on him, [Y/N]. I’m just asking you to keep an eye on him and report back if you notice anything.”

“You literally just said the definition of spying.” You grit your teeth. Disgusted at the mere suggestion you would betray Mark’s trust. “I’ve done a lot of things ‘for the cause’ Cecil. But I’m not doing that.”

“So you would rather get blindsided again like the last time if Mark ever cracks?” Cecil argued. “I’m not asking for State Secrets on him here [Y/N]. I’m just asking for a head up on his mental state.”

“Get him a shrink then if you’re so worried. But I’m not doing it!” This conversation was over as far as you were concerned, so you turned to leave and meet back up with Mark.

“Everything ok?” Mark asked when he saw you. Immediately noticing your annoyed and angry expression.

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” You tell him. Quickly schooling your features into something softer. “Just some new thing Cecil wanted me to do for training. And I was like ‘agh…oh my god…enough already…I yield’.” Mark laughed at your joke and kissed your cheek as he re-linked up your hands.

Your smile back to him was a little jilted as you debated on telling Mark what actually happened. It would hurt his feelings to know that the people he was working so hard for him didn’t trust him. That, in the end, despite everything he had done, they still thought he was like his father. But didn’t he deserve to know that the people he was working for didn’t trust him? You weren’t sure what the right answer was.

In the end, you left it alone for now. You weren’t sure if it was the right answer or not, but you just didn’t want to deal with it. You weren’t going to spy on Mark, so what else could they do?

[cephiro]

also like. ive kinda thought this since round 6 but. how is till the most like. well-adjusted out of all of them

update: i cried and then infodumped fr like an hr im so normal abt them

[soundwavesconjunx]

🎭 His Dear Witch ~ 🎭

It's unknown why do you even exist. The SCP Foundation doesn't know what to do with you. You're a confusing paradox that they do not understand and most frustratingly—uncontainable in a conventional sense.

#TAGS: Nothing Time Twins related, SCP Fandom is slowly drawing me back, It includes SCP! Reader, The Herta! Reader, Honkai Star Rail x SCP Crossover, Potentially OOC, Reader x Canon, Witch Reader, Short Writing, The Herta! Reader x SCP Character, More stuff like this would be included if interested, SCP FANS ARISE. 🔥🔥🔥

— TW?: Possesive Themes, Be Warned, 035 Being 035 As Usual, Potential Yandere Themes, He Calls You His 'Wife'.

A/N: After hitting maxed pity on Herta's banner along with her LC, I decided to make an interesting crossover because I thought it would be interesting to see how this goes for The Herta! Reader Insert. (Huge bonus that I'm blessed with good stats while I'm building her. 🙏)

You’re the definition of an enigma. A literal spacefaring, unknown anomaly wrapped up in an elegantly appearance, self-aware, and untouchable persona. The Foundation doesn’t know what to do with you, and SCP-035? He’s utterly entranced.

And Who Exactly Are You in the SCP Foundation?

You are Anomaly [REDACTED], a Level 6: CTS entity classified under Euclid. They don’t fully understand what you are—just that you exist, that you have an unsettling level of influence, and that you are playing the longest of long games.

You don’t act out. You don’t cause destruction. You don’t try to escape. Instead, you watch. You let them wonder why you haven’t done anything drastic, knowing full well that the moment you choose to tip the scales, everything changes.

They don’t imprison you because they can’t. They simply keep you in containment because you allow them to.

And then there’s SCP-035.

SCP-035 has never met someone like you before.

He’s charming, cunning, and manipulative—but none of it works on you. Not because you’re immune to him, but because you let him think he’s in control before flipping the script entirely.

You’re his perfect counterpart. The ultimate tease, the unattainable yet tangible anomaly that keeps him guessing.

At first, he tries to toy with you, flirt with you, unnerve you. And then, he realizes.

Oh.

You’re not like the others.

You understand him. You see through every little act, every trick, every calculated play. But instead of rejecting him or trying to outmaneuver him, you do something infinitely worse.

You indulge him.

You let him speak his flowery words, you humor his charm—but it’s clear who the real player is in this game. He’s used to being in control, but you? You make it so easy for him to fall under your spell instead.

And it drives him insane.

The Foundation is uneasy. Not because you’re violent, but because they cannot predict what you’re doing.

Why do you allow SCP-035 to get so close?

Why does SCP-035, a master manipulator, seem to worship you?

What is your endgame?

They want to separate you two, but the problem? 035 actually behaves when you’re around.

If anything, he’s less volatile, less inclined to escape, more… cooperative. But only because he knows that if he behaves, he gets you.

035: (mocking, but with an underlying threat) “Oh? You want to take my darling away? My wife?” (chuckles darkly) “Now, now, let’s not be hasty. You wouldn’t want to see me upset, would you?”

The researchers watching? Having war flashbacks.

The Real Question is...Why You Haven’t Given Him a Permanent Host (Yet)?

Because you’re playing the long game.

You could give him a permanent body. A perfect, indestructible vessel crafted specifically for him. A host that would never rot, never decay, never fail him.

And he knows you can.

That’s why he adores you. That’s why he’s obsessed.

But you? You wait.

You let him yearn. Let him crave it. Let him wonder if today is the day you’ll finally grant him that final gift.

035: (grinning, tilting his host’s head at you) “Tell me, dearest… when will you finally stop teasing me?”

You: (smirking, brushing a hand over his mask, whispering) “Would you love me the same if I gave you everything at once?”

035: … (soft chuckle) “Ah. I see. You do know me too well, don’t you?”

And the Foundation? Losing their minds. Because whatever the hell this is? It’s not normal.

They don’t know if it’s love, obsession, or something far worse.

But they do know one thing:

SCP-035 is yours.

[lxcke]

My Hancock Headcanons

Some of these are a little OOC from the game but I'm rewriting the Commonwealth to have darker and more realistic overtones. 1.9k words.

Can't bring himself to take Daytripper anymore. The euphoric effects hooked him hard for a while and it's one of the reasons why he used to do benders so much.

Doesn't wear the red frock coat while out adventuring because he can't bear the thought of getting it burned up or ruined.

Some hair follicles survived on the top of his head and there are tiny tufts of platinum silver hair that grow in. He lost his hair pigment in the ghoulification process, and they fall out or break off before the strands can get very long as it's very brittle.

Tries to one-hand his double-barrel shotgun like a flintlock pistol and regularly messes up his wrist joint because of the kickback.

His eyes appear pitch black, but if you look closely or shine a light on them, you'll notice that his eyes are actually just a really, really dark red from burst blood vessels (radiation poisoning side-effect). In some areas where the black hasn't taken over, there are broken flecks of grey in there.

Hancock is a caffeine junkie.

He deals with fatigue and arthritis from ghoulification (his bones did not take kindly to the radiation.) The pain lessens during radstorms, where he feels incredibly rejuvenated, and often hyper.

Favors Mentats and Jet because they're "less heavy" chems. He takes the Mentats to help himself properly fulfil the role as a responsible mayor. Long-term use has led to him learning a lot in a short time span, leading to his extremely high INT stat.

He favors Jet because it helps sooth the fire in his brain after overdoing work on Mentats. They balance each other out.

Used to wear a lot of jewelry and had piercings in his youth but found out the hard way that they snag during a fight, so they had to go.

Keeps his switchblade(s) in his boot.

Was taught how to sew by his mom as a kid and is now the guy everyone goes to when they end up with holes in their clothes. He keeps his John Hancock getup in good condition.

Isn't a huge fan of swimming. He can swim but it makes him feel incredibly uneasy. He needs his boots on the ground.

Bad temperature regulation. He gets cold at a slight breeze and hot on a sunny day. His tricorn hat keeps the sun off of him.

Some people headcanon that he has heightened senses, but I beg to differ. The dude has bad vision. He uses a shotgun so it's harder to miss. You'll often catch him squinting at documents and terminals. He knows the smell of specific chemicals like the back of his hand, but he doesn't necessarily pick up scents "better."

E.g. you'll both catch a whiff of something weirdly metallic, and he just pops off with, "ah, yes, Psychojet with a little too much jet saturation and a smidge of black mold in the container. Feelin' bad for whoever just took that; that's some low-quality stuff."

Back in his human days, he was a degenerate junkie back in Diamond City. He was a sleazeball with high charisma; let's just leave it at that.

DC guards would regularly sweep him off the curb near the Dugout Inn or bust him selling chems to the locals behind the stands.

As alluded to in the game dialogue, Hancock would go on benders in Goodneighbor and would often shack up with the locals. He used sex as an escape almost as frequently as chems. He has a lot of experience due to this, but he also has his fair share of "horror stories."

He's now a lot pickier about who he shares a mattress with, but whoever gets lucky with Hancock? Say goodbye to your dignity because he will systematically destroy that shit just because he feels like it.

Gave the player character chems so they'd get hooked and be dependent on him to provide. He was buying insurance so they wouldn't betray him if push came to shove. He also just wanted a smoke buddy for the road.

Hancock is a selfish person. He wears the "easygoing helpful stoner friend" persona to try and make right for his previous sins. "Hancock" is the good guy face. "John" is a cynical bastard.

Only his closest, most trusted friends will ever call him John or see that side of him.

Often can't sit still and has sensory-seeking tendencies (just a smidge touch of the ADHD. Could be a side effect of chem-usage as well.)

As a young child, he grew up in a waterfront cabin with his older brother and mother. His father was a drifter and was rarely seen. John can't remember his name or face well, but his mom is a shining star in his memory.

John falls back into the Daytripper habit after finding out his brother was replaced with a synth. The player character pulls him out of it if they're close enough. If not, he keeps it quiet. Nobody will notice, right?

His eyes are very mirror-like and have that "red-eye glow" effect when a bright light is directed at him. Sometimes, in the heat of battle, one can literally see the fire reflected back in his eyes. It's high-key freaky.

Has the subtle air of inhumanity about him. He sometimes moves in a way that makes you question if he's real or not (e.g. standing way too still, movements too rigid or too fluid.) He's probably just really high when this happens.

Riffing off some dialogue from the game, Hancock has been dealing with hallucinations all his life. He blames it on the chems, but he's too afraid to admit he's probably just a tad psychotic from wasteland living. This is also a known PTSD symptom, which he won't touch on the subject of with a ten-foot pole.

"You see 'em, too?" he says jokingly whilst sweating bullets.

When he gets particularly high, one might catch him listening to some very strange experimental jazz. He'll never admit to this.

Riffing off of Danny Shorago's beautiful musical performances, this dude can absolutely slam out vocals like a pro. Isolation in the wasteland leads to completely useless talents. He absentmindedly sung along to Diamond City radio to himself one too many times and well, one thing led to another...

Took over for Magnolia at the Third Rail on one of her off days. Never did it again. Will never mention it happened.

Attention whore and heavily ashamed of it. He stabbed a guy in the first ten seconds of meeting the player character, but if you tell him he was showing off, he'll deny it.

Will happily bum a preserved cigarette off of the player character if they have any.

He has nine toes and walks a little funny because of it. Jack Sparrow with a limp.

Was not raised in the era of soap. Due to the game labeling soap as junk, Hancock will ridicule the player character for picking it up. He doesn't understand what it is; it just looks like a stick of lard to him.

Doesn't use soap (dirty wastelander behavior.) He keeps two pine-scented car fresheners hanging on the inside of his coat. He calls them "coat fresheners."

The sweat glands in his skin were burned off so he doesn't smell incredibly bad, there's just this weird dusty ozone smell to him... he'll take a dip in the river to get the grime off, but he doesn't like how cold it makes him afterwards.

Standard sex-education does not exist in the wasteland. It's incredibly rare to meet a wastelander who views sex as recreational, and not a clinical way to make as many babies as possible. It's also incredibly rare to meet a wastelander with any kind of clue of what they're doing in bed. This makes Hancock a literal gem, and it's probably why he has so much sway with the people. Per Bobbi No-Nose: "Everyone is so damn afraid of him or so damn in love with him. He thinks he is invincible."

Slams Dirty Wastelanders like they are water. He has a specific taste for mutfruit and sweet drinks.

Fahrenheit is indeed Hancock's daughter, but she was a bastard "oopsie baby" he didn't find out about until she was well in her adulthood. She's not inclined to tell him, nor does he want to acknowledge it. He was never a father to her, and she knows he doesn't want to be... not that she cares. They stick together out of an awkward unspoken need to make sure the other stays alive, though. Neither of them have the willpower to bring it up to each other.

Her mother was a fling situation with a cute ginger in some small settlement miles from Goodneighbor back before he was a ghoul. Count on his surprise when a particularly fierce ginger girl shows up on his doorstep many years later sporting his bright grey eyes looking for a job. What was he supposed to do, tell her to get lost?

Has an under-the-table deal with the Railroad and allows them to operate in Goodneighbor. Has a disdain for Deacon though, because his first language is bullshit, and Hancock's first language is "rooting out bullshit."

Food of choice is wherever the munchies lead him. The few things he can't stomach usually fall into the category of "200 years old." He'll eat bug if it's cooked well enough; anything that can be hunted or picked as a crop is on the menu. Salvaged food, though? Like the dusty remains of Sugar Bombs or unrefrigerated Salsbury Steak? He couldn't be paid to eat those.

Leave it to the player character to introduce him to spices and seasoning. Like any wastelander would, Hancock sort of turns into a rabid, frothing dog at good cooking.

He spends his leisure nights at the Third Rail among his people.

Reliving his memories at the Memory Den has led to some rather intense experiences. His frequent usage of Mentats has led to a rather interesting side-effect of being able to hyper-analyze what he has seen while using one of the machines. He has used this to his advantage by going over encounters he's had with various gang leaders or political interactions with settlement leaders.

He's able to catch details using this method that many others fail to. He is frequently one step ahead of the game.

Liver failure was beginning to catch up to him before he went ghoul. Now, the symptoms have miraculously vanished... he takes full advantage of this.

In a particularly bad moment in his life, Hancock once seriously considered cannibalism. It's made him weary of the dangers of hunger, so he always has some sort of snack on-hand or at least nearby. He's a very, "you do what you gotta" person, but it personally scares the shit out of him when the scarcity of the world corners him.

He made a pact with Fahrenheit to shoot him if he ever showed the warning signs of going feral. It gives him a little peace knowing he won't end up wandering the streets in a confused, violent stupor one day, but the looming deterioration from his ghoulish nature keeps him up at night, sometimes. He knows the day will come eventually.

"No warning, no fuss. Don't tell me, just do it. Got a plan to keep your name clear in the event my peeps want to know why you eighty-sixed their beloved mayor."

[oneknightstand-if]

One Knight Stand Update 4

Chapter 2 Part 3 - The Forest & the Warehouse

Featuring...

Merlin's Guide to Minor Neutral Parties

New text messages and phone calls from non-dead people you haven't ghosted. And maybe some not-so-living ones too.

MC may appear on TV! This might not be a good thing. And they aren't the only one, cameo appearances from a future RO

Duel of AoE spells while frolicking through the magical forest. Your past decisions totally can't bite you in the ass here.

Attempt to summon Cthulhu. Dance the macarena. Have I mentioned posterior-biting consequences here?

Also an abandoned industrial warehouse is the best place for a leisurely stopover.

Icebreaker games stop staring at the noises with mini stat boosts as prizes!

Oh yeah, RO #4 finally joins the crew.

Before you play the game with an old save, you'll want to clear your cache for the oneknightstand.co website and then check that the game's frontpage is displaying Version 0.23. Then after loading the save, check the Status Page to make sure that your stats haven't reset back to the default ?¿?¿?¿.

If your variables have reset back to the default, then unfortunately that save file has corrupted (it happens to the best of us for unfathomable reasons) and you'll have to reload another save file. It you try to play the game through a corrupted save, you'll just get a bunch of non-existent errors. Please do the entire clear cache + confirm non-corrupted save file before reporting any potential errors. Then report the errors... all the errors!

Play the Updated Beta Test

(Since there were bugs & typos still reported & fixed throughout Chapter 1 & 2, your current saves are probably going to reset to the beginning of each section of the game. If things get too wonky, you might want to try restarting from the beginning. )

Additional Word Count (Sans Code): 84,000+

Additional Word Count (With Code): 107,000+

New Total Word Count (Sans Code): 900,000+

New Total Word Count (With Code): 1,227,000+

Average Playthrough: ~70,000+ words

Note: You can view the game code on my site the same way you do on Dashingdon just add /scenes to the end of the URL.

Link to New Polls on the Update (Which don't auto close in a week like the Tumblr ones)

Next Update

Merlin's Guide to Minor Unavailable (the final part of the guide! 🥳)

The first appearance of the Free Time Hub (god help me) Featuring...

Getting romantic with Merlin

Having The Relationship Talk with Adrian

Doing stuff with RO #4 because they're totally here now

Getting help with that entire changeling, amnesiac, lucid dreamer thing

Researching suspicious things you've noticed up to this point

Boosting those stats (with the help of the ROs if you can't bear to be away from them for a few minutes)

Also quick reminder that the Alpha Build of the game on Patreon updates as I complete each section, so the first part of Merlin's Free Time section is already available.

[glowettee]

hey mindy mindy its me again (after that chaotic love poem lmaolmao) mwah mwah can u do like a notion guide post ?? like what would be helpful to add and also how you set yours up?? that would be so so helpful ilyily have the best day and sleep tight mwah mwah kiss kiss love xoxo, emily

hey emily! ✧

omg hi again!! (the love poem chaos was iconic btw, never apologize for that) you truly are my biggest fan (and i'm yours <3)

✧・゜: my notion setup: organized chaos but make it cute :・゜✧:・゜✧

so you asked about my notion setup and i'm soo excited to share because i've gone through approximately 500 iterations before finding what actually works for me! and by "works" i mean i've stuck with it for more than 3 weeks which is honestly a personal record.

the thing with notion is that it's so customizable it can be overwhelming?? like, i spent more time watching "perfect aesthetic notion tour" videos than actually using the app for the first month. classic me behavior.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ getting started (without spiraling) ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

first things first - don't try to set up your entire life system at once! i made this mistake and abandoned notion for 2 months because it felt too overwhelming.

start with ONE area that's currently chaotic in your life. for me it was school assignments because i kept forgetting deadlines until 11pm the night before (and then panicking while eating peanut butter straight from the jar… not recommended).

my biggest tip is to not get caught up in making it pretty right away. i know that's like, counterintuitive coming from me, but functionality first, then we make it cute!

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ my actual setup ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

homepage: i have a super simple homepage with links to my main dashboards (school, blog, personal) and a little daily quote that changes. also a tiny photo of my cat judging me for motivation.

school dashboard: this is my most used section! i have a calendar view of assignments, a database of all my classes with linked notes, and reading tracker. the best part is the assignment database where i can filter by due date and subject.

blog dashboard: where i keep all my post ideas (like this one!), content calendar, and stats tracking. i also have a section for brands i want to work with someday (manifesting!).

personal dashboard: this has my habit tracker, journal prompts, and goals. i also keep recipes here because i was tired of screenshots getting lost in my camera roll.

reading nook: where i track books i've read/want to read with little ratings and notes. sometimes i write embarrassingly emotional reactions to plot twists that no one else will ever see.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the actually helpful stuff ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

okay so beyond the basic setup, here are things that have made notion actually useful for me:

templates!! i have templates for everything - blog posts, class notes, weekly planning. it saves so much time not starting from scratch.

linked databases are literally magic. i can have the same information show up in different places filtered different ways. like my assignments appear on my homepage as "due this week" but in my school dashboard i can see everything.

embeds are underrated. i embed my spotify playlists, google calendar, and pinterest boards so everything's in one place.

toggle lists for anything lengthy. they keep things looking clean but you can expand when needed.

color coding that actually means something. i used to just pick pretty colors but now each color has a purpose (red = urgent, blue = school, pink = blog, etc).

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ making it pretty (because we still care) ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

once the functionality is working, THEN we make it cute:

i use a consistent color palette across all pages (mostly soft pinks, lavender, and sage green)

custom icons for each page (there are free packs online or you can use emojis)

cover images that are cohesive (i use pinterest)

font consistency! i stick with the same headings and text styles

little decorative dividers between sections (just search "aesthetic dividers" and you'll find tons)

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ my honest thoughts ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

the truth is my notion isn't instagram-perfect all the time. some sections get messy when life gets busy, and that's fine! the beauty of it is you can always clean it up later.

the pages i actually use daily are pretty simple. it's the ones i rarely visit that look the most aesthetic (because they're not battle-tested with real life, lol).

start simple, find what actually helps you, and then make it pretty enough that you want to use it. that's the real secret!

let me know if you want more specific details about any part of my setup! i could literally talk about this forever (as you can probably tell from this novel of a response).

sending you the most organized vibes! hope this helps!!

xoxo, mindy 🤍

p.s. sleep tight to you too! currently writing this at 1am because i have no concept of proper sleep schedules