#this doesnt apply to everyone obviously

[antisocialsharky]

ASPD - Reduced To Being Subhuman

Do you know whats its like to be categorically excluded from being human?

Do you know how it feels to know, that no matter how much you work on yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how much you contain your urges and no matter how desperately you try to belong, your entire fucking species has already decided that you are not a part of them?

Its rejection on an uncomprehensible scale. A repetitive slap in the face at every corner. Barely being permitted to walk among them and never more than that.

Fake promises of letting you in, while never stopping to cast you out. Demands of your action and care, while keeping the possibility of actually doing it out of your reach. Its fucked.

"What seperates humans from other animals, is their ability to form deep bonds with others, work together on a big scale, feel deep empathy and care for one another and go against ones survival instinct to protect others out of love"

"If you don't feel empathy, you're not human"

"Art is what connects people, the deeply embedded emotions in it, that can only be felt and understood, if you have what it takes to be human. The ability to feel with others"

"The most important thing for humans is connection and community. Caring about each other, feeling for each other and not having any intentions to harm others"

"Those who harm others are sick and don't belong. They're not human, cus if they were, their empathy and guilt and morals would prevent them from doing it"

If the core of being a human is to feel with others, to care, to connect, to subscribe to morals and to experience all of these things on the regular, that suggests, that those who do not feel that and cannot do that, aren't human.

This would only be an assumption, if it wasn't fucking proven to us in every goddamn moment of our existence.

The world is full of the insistence that without empathy, without connection, without morals, you're not human. It starts with music and books circling around the concept and ends with people using a lack of empathy as an explanation for any depraved thing they can think of.

Its impossible to exist, to consume, to live, without being assaulted by lines and images that question your very right to exist and be a member of this species.

If your love isn't an emotional care for others, its not human.

If your friendship isn't based on deep emotional connection, its not human.

If your care isn't based on genuine distress at seeing the other upset/in pain, its not human.

If your activism isn't based on being emotionally appalled and angry and distressed about what you're seeing, its not human.

If your actions aren't based on morals that are important to you, they're not human.

If you cannot understand art and do not feel moved by books and songs and movies, you're not human.

If you wouldn't go out of your way to save others, you're not human.

If your apology isn't motivated by genuine remorse, its not human.

If your behavior change isn't motivated by genuine care and guilt, its not human.

Not human. Not human. Not human. Never fucking human.

Do you know that they call those who they perceive as not human? Monsters. Sick. Deranged. Insane.

Do you know what things they classify as monstrous and sick and deranged and insane?

• not feeling empathy

• not feeling remorse

• being aggressive

• feeling pleasure at other peoples suffering

• feeling pleasure at your own suffering

• making reckless impulsive decisions

• living in a different reality

• being able to handle and look at topics they find morally wrong

• being obsessed instead of feeling love

• lying and being manipulative

• breaking laws

• not thinking about other people's safety/health

• being self obsessed or grandiose

• mood swings/erractic mood

• and basically every other symptom of all the mh conditions

Its not just behaviors that could cause harm, that make you a monster in their eyes. Its your brain. Its who you are. You will never actually be human in their eyes, because you lack everything they require in order to see you as human.

They make that clear by defining healthy relationships with these human qualities.

They make that clear by having them be part of job descriptions.

They make that clear by having them as community guidelines and rules.

They make that clear by inserting them into laws and judging you based on them in court.

They make that clear by defining their prosocial society based on them.

Without the human qualities, you will never be their equal. You will never get to experience what they do, you can always just watch from the outside and imagine what it might be like.

They make fake promises, telling you, that if only you went to therapy, if only you changed, if only you took those meds, if only you just followed what they told...you would finally get to be human.

But no. They may pretend. They may accept the show you put on as barely passing, but their requirements will not change and you're still not meeting them. You're tolerated, not accepted.

And they still don't want you there. If they did, they wouldn't make therapy so hard to access, they wouldn't continue spreading the stigma in psych lectures, they wouldn't continue refusing you treatment, they wouldn't continue telling you that you're destined for prison, they wouldn't demand for the d*ath pentalty to be brought back for people like you.

If they truly wanted you there, they would change the requirements for what makes you a human being. They don't.

So you do the only thing that is left for you. Your only option.

You find comfort in sickness. You make yourself at home in your deranged insane mind. You embrace the monster.

You adjust to being aggressive first and anything else later. You grow comfortable with the demons in your brain suggesting violent ideas. You get used to your fascination with the morbid and wrong. You learn to tolerate the loneliness and absence of others and your own emotions. You grow okay with recklessly and impulsively ruining your and other peoples lifes every now and then.

You embrace who you are and maybe you push the boundaries and delve deeper into the sickness of your own mind. Cuddling up under blankets of new levels of violence. Resting on added defenses and removing yourself further and further from other peoples idea of what and who you should be.

It doesn't always stop the longing. You might still catch yourself desperately hoping that maybe you can change, maybe you will get to experience those things as deeply and humanely as others do. You might grow frustrated and angry with yourself when you can't. You might lie in anguish, tossing and turning while your brain throws insults at you and repeats how much of a failure you are for being subhuman, not wanted, not perfect.

But maybe the longing becomes less. Maybe you don't need to be angry with yourself quite as often. Maybe you can be understood by other monsters, by others who are sick and insane and deranged. Maybe you can finally talk freely about your thoughts and your emotions and your urges.

Maybe you didn't need to be human afterall. Maybe being a monster is enough.

first posted on my instagram (same @)

[chiquilines]

more.. more shokoyuki.. pleekk..

Ask and ye shall be given

[sonknuxadow]

originally had a super long multi paragraph ramble about this written out but then realized i did not have to say all that . anyway . i think that the reason some little animal guy sonic characters have last names while most others just go by (name) the (species) has to do with cultural differences... the fact that the characters with last names are also the same characters who have more human sounding first names makes me think that they were born in an area that had a large human population, or that their parents or grandparents were, so their family was influenced by human naming practices

[gratisfaction]

CAN EVEEYONE STOP MESSAGING ME OR ASKING ME FOR HELP LEAVE ME ALONE

[w3tlettuce]

“Guilty”

Projecting my anger towards my siblings stealing my clothes onto them because I have free will (here’s more doodles of my boys below)

I really like drawing the turtles just doing everyday boy things + I love family tropes a lot (they’re so dear to me omg my sons my sonssss) so just have the brothers taking articles of clothing from one another because they’re just like me and my siblings fr

Under the cut is a big rant about this trope because I have so much to say FHFJFJ

Here’s the meter because I’m so serious about this you have no idea. This is basically just headcanons I feel very strongly about but here’s my take

Raph: literally just cannot wear anyone’s clothes except his because he WILL rip them + they don’t fit (obviously) so he resorts to stealing specific items instead. Plushies, food, blankets, comics, you name it

Leo: partakes in the thievery a lot because he feels more secure having something that belongs to one of his bros on his person at all times ykwim? He’d carry around a piece of them for safe keeping so they feel close by—this applies to the future timeline too, when he has his brothers’ masks on his sword

Donnie: isn’t too big on it just because he’s more used to HIS clothes. He leans heavily on texture and feeling and scent when it comes to his belongings, and all of HIS clothes are tailored to his exact preference and he has strong emotional connection to them, like his signature purple hoodie. He gets PISSED when one of his bros takes his shit without asking cause THEN HE DOESNT KNOW WHERE IT IS + it’s HIS.

Mikey: the ultimate clothes thief. He is the final boss. This bitch will never be wearing his own shit, his entire closet is just clothes he has obtained over the years from EVERYONE ELSE. He has his fair selection of his own stuff but what’s the appeal in wearing anything if it isn’t your siblings??? Similar to Leo’s reason, he just finds more comfort in having something of his bros on him at all times

I have a lot to say cause im very passionate about family tropes and AGHHHH they are like my irl siblings omg. I fw disaster twins HEAVY because I’m a twin irl and me and my twin brother are LITERALLYYYYY them. They are just like me fr anyways bye

[thecatspasta]

Btw to the people going 'Well Hamas is bad and Palestinians voted Hamas in therefore Palestinians deserve to get killed'

That happened in 2006. 17 years ago. Any Palestinian who is 34 and under COULD NOT HAVE PARTICIPATED IN THAT ELECTION, and this is INCLUDING the children currently being slaughtered

Along with that Hamas isnt every person in Gaza, thats like saying every American is Donald Trump and supports his actions because they voted him in. Its so obviously wrong when you apply it to literally anything that isnt Palestine

Shut the fuck up and stop supporting actual literal genocide, from river to sea, Palestine will be free

Edit: To the people saying 'Even if everyone supported Hamas that doesnt justify genocide' I absolutely 100% agree. Nothing justifies genocide, however this post is directed at people who try to "excuse" Israels actions by saying 'Well Hamas would do the same thing if they could and Palestinians voted them in so obviously theyre also bad so dont try to support Gaza because theyre just as bad as Israel'

Absolutely nothing justifies genocide, but the people who trying to need to be told they are wrong

Edit 2: In this post I am not comparing Trump and Hamas and saying 'Look how similar they are omg' I am pointing out the hypocrisy of people who try to use Hamas to excuse genocide, while also believing that civilians arent responsible for the actions of their government just because they were voted in

[anubisthe1]

The only character these boys should like in Naruto is kakuzu.

[cherrysgf]

my yellowjackets oc !! ⋆.ೃ࿔🌸*:･

(note: i’ve never made one of these before sooo shh sorry if its bad)

name: adriana martinez

relationships: lottie matthews (romantic) travis martinez and javi martinez (siblings) natalie scatorccio (best friend during crash)

face claim: dafne keen (teen timeline), aubrey plaza (adult timeline)

about her: oldest martinez sibling, a little bit self absorbed, lottie’s on again off again gf, currently alive in adult timeline, tries to be positive, tries to be motherly figure to her brothers, sarcastic, protective, kind of obsessive, would listen to lana del rey if teen in modern timeline, kind of a mix of jackie, nat and lottie

pre crash (tw - sex work mentioned): 18, apart of the student council and volleyball team, dealing with undiagnosed anxiety and bpd, typical ‘overachiever perfectionist’ stereotype, had applied to columbia and got in on full scholarship, hides the fact that she’s broke from people, formerly worked at strip clubs before crash to get her family some money, had sex/relationships with a lot of shady/older people,

during crash: wasn’t as good as hunting as travis and nat but could still do it, so whenever one of them wasn’t up for it/couldn’t do it, adriana would step in, would usually pretend everything’s okay and would try and keep a smile on her face but when javi died, and travis wouldn’t talk to her, adriana started breaking down and isolating herself, sad cause she lost both of her brothers

relationship with lottie during crash: they got together between s1 and s2. once everyone started worshipping lottie, she would give her less chores and special treatment since adriana was her gf, which pissed off plenty of people (especially mari since she wanted lottie’s attention and shauna since she wanted leadership), lottie was very possessive of adriana and adriana was very possessive of lottie, but their personalities clashed often, and in between lottie and nats leadership, adriana took over after a fight with lottie, and she was one of the people who suggested the ‘drawing cards and hunting’ in the first place, so she blames herself for javi’s death, and when adriana was obviously in no place to lead, everyone suggested they follow lottie again, which is when lottie suggested they follow nat instead, which strains her relationship with nat but ultimately adriana still supports her in hopes that’ll get her and travis back together

post rescue: after the rescue, she also got sent to a psych ward, but a different one then lottie, nowhere near as exotic as in switzerland, she still gets horribly treated though, adriana and lottie don’t really keep in touch but occasionally they do get involved, she tired sending adriana money as well since lottie knew adriana’s financial situation, but adri declined, she tries and keep in touch with nat and travis as well but they’re dealing with their own problems so she’s kind of alone, found out about lottie’s death through misty separately/before the other yjs, even though she doesnt trust misty really she immediately agreed to help mistys investigation of lotties death(travnat is canon for the majority of the teen timeline but i imagine right before nats death her having a convo with adriana that implies her and misty are sort of a situationship)

sorry about the length!! i kind of got carried away lol (btw adriana was based off of these hcs i made last month)

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

OMG WAIT holy shit.... your mind.... omg.....

This is so real! Yes!

Just saw a “assign prev an eeveelution” poll, and while it’s a lovely concept that I would like to participate in… I already know the answer. Like, obviously there is no single right “answer”, but I already know the option that every single person would give out. There is only one eeveelution with fins and a fluke and bony plates down the back and a built-in white collar and mermaid-related lore and it sure isn’t espeon, you get me?

[reddthekingg]

Turns out I don't CARE. Have my big-ass Byler post:

Mike and El were never romantic. Let me explain. (Seasons 1-4)

Big Byler-centric Mike/eleven analysis from my slightly media literate ass.

(disclaimer: this is all just my opinion!!!!! you dont have to agree with me at all, and if you have any suggestions/edits or points you think are wrong for X Y Z reasons, tell me in the comments!!!! I like hearing other peoples views on things :D also my apologies if this doesnt read well, ive been sitting on it for a couple weeks now so ive been writing in little blips every once in awhile)

Season 1

From the beginning, Mike had pressures to be with El. He never began to exhibit romantic behaviours towards her until after Lucas suggested he has feelings for her. He only kisses her after Nancy assumes he has a crush on her.

Children, especially at such a young age, are impressionable. This applies to both Mike and El.

Mike is being told by multiple people in his life to pursue a romantic relationship with a girl he met only a week or so prior. A girl, mind you, he only wants to keep around when she proves herself useful to him when searching for Will. Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm pretty sure Mike calls her a machine at one point. Doesn't exactly seem like the basis for a crush, does it?

As for El, she's just escaped the lab she was raised in and has met the first people ever outside of that environment (excluding Benny, of course). I don't like comparing El to an animal, but she's reminiscent of a baby duck. Baby ducks imprint on the first people they see. For her, it's Mike. El does not have the same pressures from everyone else to be romantic with Mike, in fact she's quite ready to be his sister, as she so states. The only pressure of romance she gets is from Mike himself with the kiss.

There is one whole scene before they kiss that implies a bit of romance where there in a bathroom together and Mike says she's still pretty without hair + makeup. However, neither party really seems interested in it.

(Little thing to note about this scene! The use of the word pretty. It can be argued that Mike meant it romantically, but I'd say otherwise. In Stranger Things, specific words have meaning and we're told that they do. Think about the word crazy. Through lines in the show and posts from people who have worked on it, we know that crazy = love. Where am I going with this?

El calls Billy's mother pretty. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the word pretty hasn't been used anywhere else other than here and with El and Mike. We can safely assume El doesn't have feelings for Billy's mother, so if the assumption that crazy = love, can we assume that pretty does not have romantic connotations? Maybe it's a reach but I thought it was worth pointing out.)

All of this to say, in Season 1, their "relationship", and I use that word sparingly, is built off of pressures from Nancy and Lucas on Mike's side, and El assuming that's just what happens since it's what's happening to her. This is on top of the trauma bond El and Mike have.

Season 2

I think what solidified their decision was El going into the Upside Down. If all was well and El didn't have to leave the group and Season 1 was the whole story, I think their relationship would have played out very differently. Think about "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all that bollocks. I think that because of the year apart and how much they missed one another, they became closer for it and mistook it for a romantic longing. That leads to their reunion in Season 2.

However, think about it. Typically with romantic couples in media and all it's different forms, when reunited after a long time being apart, they normally share a kiss? Or... at least just seem romantic?

Look, maybe it's just me, but this doesn't read as romantic.

Obviously, the two are bonded together, so the scene is emotional. I don't like when a lot of Bylers imply that Mike doesn't care about El at all, because he clearly does. The two have an incredibly strong bond due to trauma and just trusting one another. Doesn't mean it's romantic.

Then the Snow Ball. Not much to say on the matter because, yeah, I definitely think there is analysis to be done on it, but personally, this is a scene I don't have an explanation for. Other than Mike pining yearning and longing for Will.

(Very quick and not important thing to note. I started reading Darkness on the Edge of Town, Hopper's book, and it's set right after the Snow Ball, after Christmas, and I noticed something.

''You manage to raise Mike yet?'' El sighed ... He watched as she headed back to the couch and picked up the hefty rectangle of her new walkie-talkie, holding it out to him, like he could somehow conjure up her friends out of thin air.

Just thought it was interesting how Hopper mentioned Mike and then went on to say El's friends, considering this was after the Snow Ball and after their kiss.)

Fast forward to:

Season 3

In terms of El, this is where my view point of her romantic feelings becomes more disprovable, but I'm going to push forward anyway.

In the story now, everything is normal. No more monsters, the gate is closed, all is well and our kids can go back to being normal kids. Enter Mike Wheeler and El Hopper making out. Actually the most uncomfortable scenes to watch in the whole show. Let me talk about why it's happening.

Mike and Eleven, up until now, have not had your usual relationship. They've been seperate, battling monsters and have not had a moments peace since meeting. My opinion on why they're so close at the start of this season is because it's expected, same as most things about their relationship.

I know I sound like a broken record using that excuse for the majority of aspects about their relationship, but I'm doing it because the majority of aspects about their relationship can be explained with that reasoning.

For Mike, his attempt at living up to the expectations set for him is a lot easier to think about in terms of why he's doing it.

He was raised in your typical nuclear household, a mother and a father and 2 sisters. Think about the time period. The AIDs crisis was at a peak, there was a massive stigma around it all. I've spoken to my mum before about it all (she would've been the same age as the main 4 ST kids during that time) and she explained that there was this huge fear around AIDs. Being openly queer was not the norm, nor was it socially acceptable, nearly completely frowned upon. Films, TV and books portrayed romances about men and women and nothing else. Think about a young boy who has even the inkling that he might be gay. Everything at the time presented to this hypothetical boy tells him that he is wrong. Think about Will, his own father calling him slurs because he's not like every other boy.

Taking the assumption that Mike is in fact gay rather than bi or straight and placing him in the position of said hypothetical boy, what do you think the outcome would be? Because despite what some Milevens will say, it is not that Mike would accept himself fully and never would have dated El in the first place. It leaves us with a boy who is forced into a life of lying to himself and others, making moves to conceal his true identity in hopes of fooling other people and most importantly, fooling himself.

I am a firm believer that Mike suffers from compulsory heterosexuality, or comphet.

''Compulsory heterosexuality, often shortened to comphet, is the theory that heterosexuality is assumed and enforced upon people by a patriarchal, allonormative, and heteronormative society.''

I completely disagree when people say Mike used El as his beard (a person who is used, knowingly or unknowingly, as a date, romantic partner [boyfriend or girlfriend], or spouse either to conceal infidelity or to conceal one's sexual orientation) from day one. I believe that, while it may not be true, both parties did believe they shared romantic feelings for the other, because it was expected of them that they did. Mike, his whole life, saw his parents, kids at school, people in shows, games, everywhere, be a boy and a girl in love. And he met a girl. So, logically, he should like her. Right? But he doesn't. And because he's never had any past experiences, he can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction. All he knows is what he's ''supposed to do.''

El is a bit easier to explain.

Think about the baby duck analogy from earlier. Mike is the first (technically second after Benny but shhhh) person out-with the lab to show her kindness. She has bonded to him, and Mike initiated a kiss between them. Romance is, obviously, not something she's ever dealt with in her life. It is a concept entirely foreign to her and it continues to be after her and Mike separate. So think, once she gets to Hopper's in Season 2, what is the only thing she has to entertain herself?

Television.

It can be pretty safely assumed she watched her fair share of trashy teen romcom movies as well as dramatic romance movies, all pieces of media that showed her the ''traditional'' route that a girl and a boy will take in their romantic journey. At this point, her and Mike have kissed, so in watching these movies, they teach her brain what are the ''natural next steps'' for her and Mike.

I don't think I'm explaining my point well, so if you need further clarification, let me know. It's difficult to explain but it's generally the same logic I applied to Mike (assuming he is, in fact, gay). His whole childhood, he see's boys and girls being in love and assumes thats what he should be doing. It's similar for El. She sees couples in love and being happy and assumes thats what her and Mike should be doing.

When you apply all this to Season 3, things become a little bit clearer in why they're so (uncomfortably) close. Their whole ''relationship'' was taken up with saving the world or saving each other and other people, this is the first time things are normal and they're expected to be, well... normal.

This really applies to the whole season. There are only 2 more key Mileven moments I want to touch on from this season which means I'll be excluding the rain fight. I'm doing this because while obviously the scene offers a huge insight into Mike's character, the focus this post is specifically around his and El's feelings about each other, so I want to focus on scenes in which they're together.

Now:

Oh boy! I'd like to point out 2 major points here.

One, just because Mike loves El, which I do not doubt at all, no where does he or the show specify that in this scene he meant it romantically.

Two, who are the only other couple that said the L-word?

Yeah.

Not only were Stancy the only other couple to say ''I love you'' to one another, they're the only other couple to use said ''I love you'' as a driving force in their relationship ark. And that driving force drove their relationship... into the ground!

We have multiple canonical couples in the show that have never uttered the L-word to each other but we have scenes between those pairs that leave no room for doubt about how they feel.

Just saying, it's interesting that arguably the biggest couple of the show are paralleled to one of the weakest and worst couples in the show. Meanwhile Mike and Will have parallels with Jonathan and Nancy, a couple which value one another and work better than Stancy could have ever hoped.

My last analysis about Season 3 is one of my favourite in terms of Mike.

El tells mike she loves him, and kisses him.

I'm sure every Byler has heard this scene been picked to pieces about Mike, so I'll keep it brief.

Mike has his eyes open, and as another user pointed out (I can't remember who, sorry!!), seems to be pulling away from the kiss, he is very clearly not kissing her back, and just seems... confused and disinterested. All great signs that he absolutely loves his girlfriend back, right? ...right?

As for El, cast your minds back to what I said before about her watching cheesy romcom movies. What is the most common trope in almost all romance movies? The big love confession. El knows Mike loves her (romantically or not is to be debated, I made my side clear) and her primary source of knowledge of what happens in relationships is through what she sees in movies and television, which in my mind is what lead her to give Mike this grand declaration of love (well, not grand, but you get the gist). In her mind, it is what's expected.

El is creating a relationship out of idealistic movies and (saying this very bluntly) has not stopped to consider if it's something she actually wants rather than what she thinks she wants. Obviously, I'm assuming a lot with that statement, but the evidence to back it up does exist.

Max is a wonderful influence on El during Season 3, teaching her to think for herself and be someone that she wants to be. And what is one of the first big decisions El makes during this journey? To break up with Mike. I'll concede in the fact that, yes, the breakup was influenced by Max's advice, but it's a decision El made herself, even if she ended up going back on it.

Time for Mike's gayest season of all!

Season 4

(I'm going to concede slightly here, I don't really know how to explain most of El's feelings here. So, this section is going to be centred around Mike's feelings towards El. Please drop some El analysis in my asks/DMs/comments to include and I'll make sure to credit you in the post!)

The season begins with a letter from El to Mike and we see him reading it. When called upon by Nancy, Mike crumples up El's letter and throws it to the ground. Compare this to all the letters Mike has sent El, kept away in a box. He's careless with her love, as it were. There's definitely more to be said here, but I'm more knowledgable with the rest of the season, so I'll focus on that.

Let's fast forward a bit to the airport scene.

We see Mike in unusual attire. Colours his character has never worn before in a style he's never been dressed in. Red flag number one. The two share the only kiss they have for the whole season and embrace, with Mike holding a bundle of flowers for El. She looks at the tag attached to said flowers, see's Mike writes from rather than love, and the camera focuses on her face while she falters.

There's a couple things to analyse here, so let's start with Mike's outfit.

One of El's primary colours in the show is purple, confirmed later on by Mike when he mentions he picked purple flowers since it's her favourite colour. This shows us the colour of Mike's shirt is intentionally supposed to reflect El, especially since he has never worn this colour before. Interesting to note that it's a t-shirt he's wearing, since Mike's wardrobe is composed of button downs, sweaters and polo shirt primarily. Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the first time we've seen him in anything other than that.

Argyle points out later in the scene that Mike's shirt is a ''shitty knock-off.''

In a GQ interview with Stranger Thing's costume designer, we're told the following about Mike's costume in Season 4:

''So Mike Wheeler's outfit was written into the script that way... So we knew we'd wanted something that felt like an outfit maybe he would've bought at the airport before he got there... It's not a colour Mike normally wears.. We had made two colourways. We made orange and teal, and he's worn teal before, so it felt orange was the best colour that was different that felt he was trying to make it work in California.''

This is really interesting! There's another interview moment which ties in with this which I can't find at the moment so I can't quote it word for word, but I believe Finn says something along the lines of Mike acting unlike himself this season.

The costume choices in this scene are meant to reflect Mike's feelings.

When in California, more specifically when in this outfit, Mike is not acting like himself. He is trying to make things work by changing himself to be more attuned to what El wants, and more importantly, putting on a persona, arguably a heterosexual persona. Mike, of course, is not alone in the fact he's acting like someone else, because El is doing the same.

By choosing to omit the bullying and struggles she experiencing in Lenora, going so far as to outright lie to Mike by telling him Angela and Stacy are her friends, El is trying to act like the ''perfect girlfriend'' for Mike. She is presenting herself as happy, that her life is wonderful in all it's facets, in the hopes that Mike will finally begin expressing his love to her if she's good enough (I know that analysis does diminish El a bit, but it is my personal opinion on why she's acting the way she is.), as well as wanting to be the picture-perfect couple she wants them to be perceived as.

Of course, this vision shatters at Rink-O-Mania when El shmacks Angela in the face with a roller-skate. It's from this point on that their relationship falls downhill over the course of the whole season.

After they get home and everyone is eating dinner, Jonathan and Argyle speak about how Angela will be fine. Mike's reply is ''She didn't look fine'', and El storms off from the table. This scene is a parallel to one between Karen and Ted in Season 1(?) in which Karen storms off and Ted takes a sip of his drink, and Mike and El do the exact same.

Curious to parallel the shows ''leading couple'' with a failing marriage.

Then, we have Mike and El's big fight.

The fight starts on the basis of Mike mentioning the night before with Angela.

Mike knows that El has been lying to him for a long time about her life in Lenora and has seen first hand how she's been treated. He's upset and confused and El is shutting him off.

And... that's all I got done. I'll probably revisit this post in the future when I have time, but dear god, I have a lot of coursework right now, so now is not the time.

[lobefinnedfishes]

i think the church should have a ceremonial and holy position only second to the supreme pontiff. a position in which a candidate chosen by the newly elected pontiff serves as the manifestation of the pope's tender love for humanity. it's a great honor to be chosen.

there are a lot of lacy outfits and leashes of course. all in papal white

late holy father didnt do this because of his ascetic values but innocence wants to show that love is the holiest thing we can devote ourselves to.

obviously innocence picks thomas. immediately. thomas begs him to reconsider (he's too old and undeserving) but eventually accepts.

Everyone is always being so reverential to lawrence who feels like he's in the twilight zone, hes so awful at accepting kindness, and now his literal job is being a vessel for it

tedesco comes from venice for the leashing ceremony (theres a leashing ceremony it's very king david and jonathan) (EVERYONE comes to the leashing ceremony you gotta be there it's like your chance to see mary crowned on earth) and lawrence is sooo relieved that finally someone will be around that sees the FARCE that this is, hes a old hideous man!!! he's gained some weight ever since he was chosen (people are always shoving food at him) and his skin is glowing (he has handmaidens that wash him and apply all sorts of skincare products) he looks RIDICULOUS

tedesco comes up to him in the hallway while he's wearing his ridiculous flowy gown with chiffon and lace that he DEFINITELY doesnt look hot in, WHAT are you talking about but tedesco only vapes consideringly at him for a long moment. he tugs at lawrence's new collar. "you look good, tommaso. i am glad to see it, eh?"

i am shot and killed for heresy

[corviiids]

sparknotes for my souyo fic 'going on and on and on'

happy year of the souyo in 2025. it's souyo year everyone! (as always don't read the post if you haven't read the fic it won't make sense)

i feel like this is even less of a sparknotes and more of a stream of consciousness than usual but whatever. it's word vomit about interalised homophobia now

first of all the timeline, which fucked with me initially because p4 came out in 2008 and in my head i was like oh, it's set in 2008. it's NOT. it's set in 2011-2. anyway, i did some hurried bad math about it. basically yu and yosuke are a year or so post-college and are roughly 23-24 years old in this fic. nanako is 14-15. the title comes from signs of love because after i outlined the fic i checked out the lyrics to the song and was like hey. i think i just wrote that.

He said, "I'm the one who's got to leave", I said "Nobody's really got to leave 'cause I don't hear enough explanation All I need is admiration" Big frustration, bro, he goes "Life is short, we gave a shot But didn't work, honey, 'cause we had A whole lot going on and on and on"

so this idea of a post-canon souyo has been plaguing me for about a month, then i got sick and at the peak of the sick i rewatched p4a in its entirety so that was that. i think yosuke with internalised homophobia is rightfully a cornerstone of p4 fandom but lately ive been yearning for a quieter and slightly more insidious form, beyond the old standby of 'yosuke overcomes his visible bigotry, one of them confesses, and the relationship starts'. i was like, what if yosuke IS over his bigotry insofar as it applies to other people, and yu's already confessed, and that's still not enough for the relationship to start because yosuke hasn't overcome the mental block it's created for himself without his knowledge? it's harder to overcome that, because yosuke's not aware that he has any qualms left about liking guys, so he doesn't even notice he's in denial. but yu notices, and it hurts him. and go from there.

i really like yosuke a lot. i think he's the most nuanced take on the best friend character out of 3/4/5 even though i obviously have a lot of love for ryuji as well as junpei - it's not necessarily that yosuke is a better or more complex character, but that he plays more with the trope. it's sort of novel because as well as being the fun and fresh bestie (with baggage!) he is also kind of the brains of the outfit and incredibly shrewd, which is rare for the best friend trope. also, all the best friend types are insensitive at times by way of being happy-go-lucky and sort of indelicate, but yosuke also says fucked up insensitive shit in a more blase and less clumsy way, at least as compared to characters who are openly crass - it reads less as rudeness from being unthinking and more as the consequence of an undercurrent of unconscious social biases, which again is more subtle and insidious. pair that with the fact that he's a legitimately reliable, kind, and clever guy, and that makes him a really fun character to write because he never says the obvious thing. pair HIM with yu, arguably the most good-natured and patient of the three protags, and you get a super fun dynamic with the potential for a lot of heartbreak. i know im not saying anything everyone doesnt already know because souyo has been around since the stone age, but listen. souyo is one of those things that's so obviously good and popular it becomes underrated again. it's like shakespeare. yeah souyo is like shakespeare i stand by that. justice and goodness demands that every now and then you sit down and re-realise how good souyo really is.

anyway! that led me to think about, like... if yu confessed before yosuke was ready, yosuke wouldn't shun him but definitely would make it extremely obvious that this was something he wasn't ready to confront. and those socially learned biases would come out in a way that yosuke means totally innocently and even kindly, but which would nevertheless hurt as much or even more as if yosuke had openly shunned yu. the events in my head are that yu confesses to yosuke a couple of years into living together and yosuke promptly compartmentalises that shit and refuses to reflect on it any further and represses anything relevant to thinking more deeply about it. yu, my best friend, is into me. [that's something i can't think about too much.] when i waved him off, he accepted it, so it can't be that serious. [yu is the type of person to shutter his own feelings away instead of bringing them up if he thinks he won't be well-received or might upset someone else, because he's an independent person who cares about others and fears being alone, which means i can't trust him to tell me honestly if he's upset.] i'm safe to assume this is behind us and move on. [i won't think about this again unless it's brought up again. i know yu won't bring it up again.]

"... Back in second year uni—yeah, he told me he was, I dunno, interested, or whatever. I told him I'd never thought about him like that. He said that was okay. And I guess I just—I mean, I never thought about it again.” Rise considers this. “That’s kinda a weird thing to never think about again,” she says. “Your best friend confesses his love to you and you’re just like, OKAY! Really?” When she says it like that, it is kind of weird.

the comment attached to this section in the working doc: "yosuke: am i really a chill guy or is it repression"

in the fic yu mentions he kissed yosuke at least once while drunk. yu being drunk means yosuke has a perfectly good excuse to dismiss that event as a one-off and ignore it too. this is brought up in like one sentence in the fic and neither character addresses it directly or goes back to it to discuss it, and that was very important to me. i think in a lot of pining fic the focus is on the knowledge of whether or not feelings are requited. once it's clear that both parties have feelings for each other, or even that one party has feelings for the other, the major roadblock is cleared and they're able to pursue a relationship, which is why in a lot of 'getting together' fics the climactic event is, understandably, the confession! in reality things can be a lot more complicated than that :( yosuke doesn't know how he feels about yu, but is aware he feels strongly. but yu confessing and even kissing him or doing other things that make his feelings undeniable isn't enough to overcome the difficulty that yosuke is facing internally - it's not enough to make him sit down and go, yu has feelings for me, so should i think about how i feel about him?

on that note, another thing i really wanted to avoid is the idea that yu just moves out because yosuke doesn't reciprocate:

"... And if you really never felt that way about me… if we were only ever going to be friends, I would’ve been fine with that. But if you refuse to face yourself, it’s different. It hurt too much. ..." -- "... You don't want to be ready. You don’t want to confront this about yourself, the idea that you might feel that way about a guy. You want to keep living this way forever, just having fun and hiding away. And I just—I can't do it anymore, okay, Yosuke? I can't keep helping you hide. I can't keep sleeping in the next room, making you breakfast, helping you pretend away the fact that I—” He stops and sighs. “If I'm wrong, and you never felt the same, then I'm wrong. I can live with that. I just need to know you're not running away. I can't keep being your accomplice in that.”

yu's pain doesn't come from his feelings being unrequited, it's that yosuke doesn't respect himself or yu enough to be honest with himself. if yosuke had done his reflection and come to the genuine conclusion that he either doesn't like guys or does but doesn't feel that way about yu, then yu would have accepted that. in another universe i would've written a fic about genuine unrequited love where yosuke just does not feel that way about yu and yu is okay with it because he loves yosuke as his best friend and partner and would be completely fine living with him as his roommate and standing by him as his friend, content to spend time together. the only reason i can't write this fic is just because i personally think yosuke DOES reciprocate... lol. anyway as naoto brings up:

“No… Well, not really,” says Yosuke. “I mean, I guess it does, but it's not him, exactly. I just don't know how to react to this. It's a lot of pressure, you know? Him saying he's serious about me, and that he can't live with me unless I feel the same, or whatever. It's kind of too much. I know Yu likes guys, but I never even thought about that sort of thing, so it's… kind of a blindside.” Naoto seems to pick his next words carefully. “I don't believe it was ever Yu’s intention to present you with an ultimatum,” he says. “I can't imagine he would want to make your friendship contingent on reciprocating his feelings. It's none of my business, but I would encourage you to reevaluate his meaning.”

this maybe feels like a fine distinction, but it's really important for me to make!! yu's never going to hold his friendship hostage because yosuke doesn't reciprocate. this fic has almost nothing to do with how yosuke feels about yu and everything to do with how honest yosuke is with himself, and how THAT affects yu. yu is aware that every moment he spends with yosuke in this state is more time that he's enabling yosuke not to be honest with his own feelings, which forces yu not only to live in a hurtful lie but to be actively complicit in doing so. this is p4 after all! the entire theme is facing yourself and the strength of heart required to face oneself being made manifest. yu endures it for like five years and then eventually realises he can't do it anymore, either from a values perspective or from a self-care perspective. this distinction matters so much to me because of course it's a ship fic and romance tends to be at the heart of ship fic, but yosuke's romantic feelings for yu really aren't at the heart of this conflict at all. i don't want the message to be that yosuke has fixed himself via being gay for his partner. rather, his love for yu in whatever form, and the idea that yu represents the truth for him, forced yosuke to accept the truth about himself and finally enables him and yu to live in an honest way.

ok let's like briefly talk about the other ships and characters. sorry to yukiko who got almost no screentime it just happened that way.

this fic kinda has... every ship?? in it?? which was sort of intentional. i was really trying to push hard with that 'small town' thing of everyone knowing everyone, because this was what yosuke ended up using as his shield against what he was actually avoiding. he thinks it's just that inaba's world is too small and that he doesn't want to be like his friends just dating within their circles, but as yu points out, it's really not a problem to date within your friend group if that's what's working for you. i wanted yosuke to have this easy excuse to start with before eventually realising his problem isn't inaba and the solution isn't tokyo - the problem is inaba when yu isn't there, because it lost its appeal once yu left, and the solution is only tokyo when yu is with him, because tokyo loses its shine when yu leaves there too. the point is that yosuke is looking in completely the wrong direction for what's actually making him happy. his problem wasn't inaba at all, and there's nothing wrong with dating your best friend. ok i said i was gonna talk about other characters but it's yosuke again. let's talk about other characters. my point was that it's kind of a 'and they all lived happily ever after' stereotype to pair all the main characters off, but that was a Literary Decision. ok it was a Choice. i Meant to do that. probably

chie and yukiko to me are just an obvious pair. i actually initially thought about dating yukiko when i did my first p4 run but after doing her dungeon i abandoned that idea entirely because her and chie go through an entire romance arc in about four seconds flat. i dont need to sell anyone on those two. ive always had a real soft spot for kanji and naoto, but i also really like naoto and rise together, so i thought, this would be a fun way to complicate things even further for yosuke by instead of just pairing them off having them all be involved with each other in this web of casual relationships. i didn't tag any of the other ships because to be frank it's just not really about them since yosuke's mostly just focused on himself, so there's not a lot of detail in the fic about what's going on there, so here's like... a chart... btw seven months pass from the beginning of the fic until the end. at the three month mark chie and kanji go to visit yosuke. ok we go

at the start of the fic kanji and naoto are in an on-again-off-again situationship. when kanji visits yosuke at the three-month mark they're still in this state. sometime between this and the point where yosuke visits inaba, kanji and naoto settle and solidify, so by the end of the fic they are in a serious committed relationship.

naoto is bigender because all detective princes are bigender. yosuke didn't ask her pronouns but they're he/she interchangeably. she can be referred to as kanji (and rise)'s boyfriend or girlfriend but usually prefers partner. the others sometimes fumble around with this so sometimes (most often with chie and yosuke) he will just be referred to as kanji and rise's... (confusion) naoto???

rise and naoto get involved while kanji and naoto are still figuring their shit out and aren't exclusive. they are strictly casual and are not looking to be in a long-term relationship.

kanji and naoto are technically open but neither of them is seeing anyone else except for naoto seeing rise. kanji is okay with this but as naoto says in the fic he is still getting used to it. naoto and rise are prepared to end their involvement if at any point kanji decides he's not okay with it anymore. kanji is a little insecure because he isn't sure how much naoto really likes him, but once he realises how serious naoto actually is about him, he will settle down and i think he'll be fine.

rise is not interested in a long-term committed relationship right now at all. she is exceptionally chill about the interconnected relationships and is jealous of nobody. after yu and yosuke get together she and yu will shake hands and go back to being normal friends.

she gets involved with yu after yu moves back to inaba. they refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend but it's not that serious. yu is earnestly trying to move on from yosuke (hasn't yet) but is not attempting to do so with rise, they are just having fun. (rise calls herself yu's rebound but this is a joke)

chie and yukiko are each other's girlfriends but might come out of their holiday as fiancees. unclear

teddie is single

so that's the soap opera part of all this

i was personally really fond of the naoto and rise scenes in this, i just liked writing them a lot. naoto really suffers from being the last character added to the party and so just doesn't get the same amount of time to develop her relationship with the group or with any individual party members, which is such a shame, because she is SUCH a fun character. she and yosuke are really interesting because i would argue that (maybe outside of yu) they're the smartest characters in the party and until naoto joins the group it's yosuke filling the niche of the detective, so it's sort of a shame that they never really get to bond. this section also has one of my favourite lines in the fic which i keep expecting someone to call me out on

Whoa. Naoto’s getting more than him? Pint-sized, gender-ambiguous, awkward turtle Naoto Shirogane?

remember when everyone was saying awkward turtle? i just wanted to be true to this being a game from 2008.

anyway, there are two bits of advice to come out of the naoto and rise sections that i thought were most important to yosuke's development in this fic:

Naoto leans forward. “Yosuke,” he says gently. “I know we don't know each other particularly well, but for my part, I’ve always considered you a good friend. Would you accept a bit of well-intentioned advice?” He waits for Yosuke to jerk his head. “It's not a failure of self to admit that you want something. Just remember that, okay?”

and

Yosuke furrows his brow. “You realise it sucks, right?” he asks her. “It sucks people keep talking to me like they know me better than I know me.” Rise shrugs. “Isn’t that what friends are?” she says. “S’not like not knowing yourself makes you a dummy. That’s life. We haven’t got the TV anymore, so you gotta have friends you can count on to… to switch on the Yosuke show and spot your Shadow self when you can’t see it. Persona!”

the latter to me is about the mortifying ordeal of being known or whatever. it's about being vulnerable to others in a way you yourself aren't aware of and accepting that that isn't a bad thing all the time. i kinda want to offer yosuke some grace here as well - as irritatingly oblivious as he is, it IS kind of disconcerting and upsetting to be constantly told things about yourself like everyone thinks they know better, and it can be really uncomfortable to have a relationship with a friend reframed by finding out they feel a way about you that you weren't aware of. the stuff he has to overcome in this fic is more complex than just 'accept he likes guys' - there's a lot of introspection and acceptance required in looking inward and finding out you don't know yourself as well as you thought you did, especially if there's external pressure.

"hey rook, why didn't anybody kiss in this fic?" i personally really enjoy making you read twelve thousand words of pre-relationship and not rewarding you at all. that's the reason.

when i was first outlining the fic, i got to the confrontation that yu and yosuke have at samegawa and thought, okay, this is the part of yosuke's social link where yosuke (atlus?) fumbles his shit hard, because that entire rank reads as leading towards a love confession until yosuke is like "YOU HAVE TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE."

so in my head i was like, this fic COULD be a fix-it for that. it could be. a different man would end the fic there and have yosuke realise his shit after yu chews him out, and it resolves by yosuke going "this time im going to ask him to kiss me instead of punch me" and then it resolves with a kiss and they live happily ever after. obviously i couldn't do that. it had to be a lot messier than that because of who i am as a person. so i dragged the outline on for another 1.5k or something after that point and the fic itself runs for another 6k.

LIKE THIS POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THOUGHT I WOULDN'T HAVE THAT MUCH TO SAY AND THEN IT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aromanticofficial]

this is all i ever end up talking about but im still mad so i gotta get it off my chest to people who will understand. my friend made a post at the start of pride month basically comiserating with fellow aspec people who would only be seeing 'love is love' for the whole month, which the implication that obviously it doesnt apply to us because yk aspec

and every. single fucking reply was someone desperately claiming that 'love is love' applies to platonic love too!! it applies to self love too!! despite how many times me and the friend in question reiterated that a) that still excludes aplatonic people and b) thats not the point! our queerness is defined by the lack of love, not what we can 'still do' and so the phrase is kind of meaningless to us. the worst response was when some random person called my friend homophobic?? which i can only assume was either a misinterpretation of the post or an aphobe trying to make a big deal out of nothing.

this happened half a year ago but it still makes me so mad that people dont seem to think we ever considered 'love is love' actually means something it was never meant to mean. it doesnt need to apply to everyone!! there will never be a phrase that can apply to everyone because humans are so different but that wasnt the point of the post though, it was saying that we only see 'love is love' and nothing else which excludes not only aspec people but trans and intersex people whose queerness is unrelated to love!! it wasnt even meant to be a discourse post it was meant to be sympathetic omg

yeah it's easier to defend a half-baked slogan than it is to actually listen and learn. hang in there anon

[officer-lockstock]

yall can shoot me dead if you disagree but i dont think caboose is confusing to the other characters. (small rant/character analysis(? can it even be called that) warning)

like i know that doesnt make sense but obviously while he has his secrets (ykow hes the switch antag ofc hes got those) everyone trusts him. they dont doubt hes nice because he is nice, at least up until the big reveal. he offers help in his introduction, he comforts dinah, he teams up with rusty when no one else would. every mistake he makes just looks like a genuine accident (ex. not paying attention -> train crashes) that anyone else would make.

even during his reveal he explicitly states what hes going to do, even if hes lying about it. his words are clear. depending on the production, he'll give an explanation to what he does and although it may not be entirely true, hes able to put his words together well enough to make it convincing. he gives reasons for his actions (why he called electra over in person rather than over radio, tells greaseball hes talking to electra over the radio because of course he is, he talks to everyone!) ((last one only applies for older productions)) and he does it all with a smile.

he holds himself with confidence and makes himself trustworthy. caboose seems transparent and honest to the others because thats what he wants to be seen as. he tells greaseball how great he is because thats what greaseball wants to hear. he tells dinah he'll always be there for her because thats what she wants to hear. he tells electra how he'll help him in the race because thats what they want to hear. he tells rusty that he's got his back because thats what rusty wants to hear.

and they all trust his word because why wouldn't they? he obviously hasn't done anything before this to show he might be a liar. he may not be the most good-hearted guy, but he won't go back on his word.

is of course, what they think, because obviously he crashes rusty and electra + greaseball in the final race.

but before this, you can trust him. he holds himself with friendly authority thats hard to doubt. so why would he talk in riddles? why would he be hesitant to talk about information on himself? he wouldn't dodge the question, he'd tell you a simple white lie that seems legit so he could get on your side. we don't know his name, but surely that doesn't matter because everyone just calls him caboose, right?

he works for his benefit and achieves that by keeping everyone happy. he's the person everyone can talk to. even after he crashes rusty, electra begs for him to help in the final.

anyways thays just a theory a game theory #gottem

[raviollies]

I struggle to find friends IRL and the major thing I have a hurdle with is like....connecting? Genuinely feeling something? Obviously this doesnt apply to everyone and there are people i feel comnected to but for vast majority i just feel like its surface level social etiquette.

I will go through the motions of comforting someone, of lending a hand, paying for lunch or getting them drinks, but I don't feel any emotional connection. I enjoy my time out, and I want them to like me, but somehow it just doesn't find a place to stick around within me. I move away and I don't feel any desire to talk to them again, even if I spent a significant amount of time together. I struggle with finding FRIENDS because most relationships have felt empty, even though I've always had "friends", they just feel space filler and I don't know why, because I earnestly try to connect with them, and do the things a friend would do, but it's just the motions. I don't feel anything by doing those things. I don't feel anything from their reaction, and it makes me feel horrible just even saying that lowkey.

I been thinking of how to bring this up to my psych because it's a major contributing factor to my loneliness but I also don't know how to word it.