#when in doubt turn to queer theory

[llynwen]

i figured it out. I think the reason for the landslide of hate and scapegoating and overall rancidity of vibes is because all of you are fucking straight. I've been trying to understand Why y'all are so convinced a man and a woman cannot have a close, intimate friendship without it just Having to turn romantic and my best idea is that y'all have never heard the term queerplatonic. this makes perfect sense to me because if you ask any queer person if they cuddle their bestie on occasion and maybe even smooch a little sometimes they're very likely to respond with a hell yeah but that Does Not Mean any of them have the intention of pursuing a romantic relationship with said bestie. I'm gonna need my fellow faggots to tell me if I'm onto something but this might just be a key to this whole debacle. the heterosexual mind cannot comprehend befriending a member of the opposite sex because they automatically see them as a potential partner. for us queers befriending other queers is as natural as breathing, and does not imply any romantic and/or sexual intent. you guys are simply too cishet for AMCs medium bad spin off

[ms-spkhd]

Part one

Admittedly, Eddie feels really fucking stupid about it in retrospect. Jeff tells him, in that soft and placating way he tells him anything, that he should stop worrying about his hindsight bias. Yeah, right. Hindsight bias doesn't apply for Steve Harrington dangling himself in front of Eddie's face like the metaphorical carrot on a stick.

It feels like a kick in the head, if anything. One that rattles his brain against his skull like the ricochet of a bullet. Or a maraca with a single, tiny bead in it, if he wants to be more technical about it.

But that's beside the point. What's important is that Steve Harrington is, like, into Eddie--which definitely throws all of his preconceived notions about boy wonder with serial monogamy problems of the heterosexual variety out of the fucking window and past the goalpost--and Eddie's been farting around for the past few months twiddling his fucking thumbs about it.

Well, it's not definitive.

The more that Eddie ruminates on it--and he spends several nights ruminating on it--Jeff's theory that Steve might be tipping the Kinsey scale sounds like...well. A theory.

It's the doubt that comes rearing its head that stops Eddie in his tracks from actually doing anything.

("Wow," Jeff grumbles as they hotbox in the back of Jeff's hand-me-down olive green Pinto a week after their stunning revelation, "trust Virgin Supreme to self-sabotage when someone is begging for you to climb on his lap and--"

"I told you that in confidence," Eddie spits as he digs through the glove compartment for a cassette to replace the oft-abused Kill 'Em All tape that's been blaring on repeat for the past two hours. "You're really mean when you're high, you know that, right?"

Jeff shrugs and takes a hit of the blunt they've been sharing. "I'm releasing my inhibitions. You can't silence me.")

Eddie trusts Steve. Of course he'd lay down his life for the man that dragged him out of hell without a single look behind like a preppy fucking Orpheus. But there's always the lingering thought that, despite everything they've gone through together, Eddie loving Steve would be the tipping point that ruins everything.

He finds himself balancing the line of keeping it in, too scared of the risk his heart will pose on their friendship, and fully committing to the pipe dream of Steve Harrington possibly wanting him back.

And, in Jeff's wise words, Biblically.

"Hey, Bird," Eddie asks Robin one night at the drive-in theater when Steve's out buying their snacks--medium popcorn loaded with cheddar powder and butter for Eddie, since he just popped a Lactaid ten minutes beforehand, and Milk Duds for Robin--"What would you do, hypothetically, if you think someone is really into you--"

"Here we go," Robin sighs, leaning back in the passenger seat. Eddie can't help but feel miffed at her dismissive attitude, but he knows for a fact that she's all ears.

"--And you, hypothetically, really like them back, but you don't know for sure if they actually, hypothetically, want you, or if it's just wishful thinking on your part?"

"Any you mean this totally hypothetically?" Robin says as she turns to face the rear seats where he's sitting and chewing at his cuticles.

"Yeah. This is a theoretical situation that I want your input in. Think of it like a...thought experiment."

Robin nods with narrowed eyes, like she sees through the bullshit with an all-seeing eye. "Right. Thought experiment. Is this hypothetical person a queer or not?"

"It never crossed your mind," Eddie confirms. "She looks like the posterchild of suburban heterosexuality, but she's gotten very invested in your very gay sex life out of the blue recently."

"So which one of you is the man invested or tell me about what eating out is like invested?"

"Tell me what eating out is like invested."

Robin hums in thought, tapping her index finger against her chin like the situation is really vexing her. "That sounds pretty gay, Eddie."

She is right, that does sound pretty gay. But it doesn't help him in his predicament at all, since Steve seemed to back off about the 'so do you play rock paper scissors to find out who gets it?' questions after Eddie frustratedly admitted that 'DnD club president and metalhead virgin at almost twenty' wasn't exactly a hot item in Indianapolis, much less Hawkins.

"Okay, new layer," Eddie says, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "What if, say, instead of asking you out--which you think is her next move--she starts trying to set you up with a bunch of girls you don't know."

There's muffled chatter from outside the Beemer's windows. Cars rev in the distance as they pull into the lot. Eddie watches Robin in contemplative silence as she thinks through her answer.

"That is difficult," she concedes, and Eddie is feeling more desperate than ever. "Can't imagine that ever happening to me."

Eddie mumbles, "Thank God it's a hypothetical."

"But if you think about it, it's either some misguided attempt to put me out there, or it's a Hail Mary to get me to realize I like her."

"Okay, well. Both options seem pretty hard to differentiate when you don't know what the fucking context behind the action is."

"For what it's worth," Robin says, her expression softening ever-so-slightly, "I think it's the Hail Mary. It's not my place to tell, but you should really give up the idea that it's wishful thinking and give it a shot."

Eddie's a millisecond away from asking, is it that obvious? before there's a sharp knock against his window. He yelps, head whipping around to find Steve with that sly grin slapped on his stupid, handsome face.

Eddie rolls down the window and tries to school his expression. He doesn't need to, really, because Steve shoves the popcorn into his hands and declares, "A medium sized popcorn with cheddar powder and lots of fucking butter for you, my friend. Bone of a teeth."

"Just fucking say it regularly," Robin groans as he yanks open the drivers seat door and tosses her a box of Milk Duds. "I know you can, you jackass!"

Steve laughs, full and hearty, as he turns to look at Eddie in the rear seats. He's like bottled-up sunshine contained into the shape of an American heartthrob. He's like Venus as a boy.

Eddie feels like he's staring down the barrel of a gun.

Another week of ruminating goes by, this time with Robin's words echoing in his head like a reverb pedal, and Eddie keeps that yellow pick near his heart the entire time. It's a real push and pull type situation, he realizes. His heart goes one way, his brain goes the other, which is fucking typical.

He doesn't talk to Jeff about it, because he knows he'll get the same answer, and he doesn't dare talk to Robin about it again. He feels she knows too much, and he has know idea how much she's accidentally telepathically transferred to Steve.

Eddie is about halfway through debating shaving his hair off as a way of regaining control when he finds Steve standing on his doorstep like a fucking Mormon.

"Eddie, man," Steve says with zero preamble, "my cousin's boyfriend has a roommate that I think you'd like."

"Nice weather we're having," Eddie responds blankly. Frankly, with the way things are going, he's getting sick of it.

But he can't help the way that Steve still looks beautiful as his eyebrows bunch together and pretty pink lips pinch into a thin line.

"Come on, man. I think this'll be a good start for you. I think he's into the same bands as you. I think Kathy said he was a Skid Row roadie, or something like that."

"I'm not that big of a Hair Metal guy," Eddie admits, and Steve deflates a bit.

"Well, if it helps, he kind of looks like me.' Jesus Christ. "Devastatingly handsome and all."

Eddie's damn near about to snap like a worn-out Stretch Armstrong being mauled by two pitbulls. He feels like he's about to blow a fucking gasket in front of the guy he's been holding very ill-advised affection towards since his sophomore year of high school. The very same guy who's been trying to set Eddie up with literally everyone with a functioning penis with exception of himself, the only guy Eddie has wanted. Ever.

There's no way Steve is that dense, right?

Eddie knows that the guy's smart, despite everyone telling him otherwise. Steve can definitely do mental math better than Eddie can dream of doing--since Frankie Gershwin passed down the sacred Hellfire DM calculator once Eddie took over Hellfire after he graduated--and he actually graduated on time, unlike yours truly.

But Eddie doesn't fucking get it.

"Steve," Eddie blurts, rather unceremoniously, "what are you doing?"

Steve blinks. His smile wanes dangerously low. "...I'm setting you up with a handsome dude."

"I don't understand why you're doing this though. Are you fucking with me, or something?"

"No, dude, I just..." Steve's expression shifts. His shoulders sag and he rakes a hand through his hair. He looks devastatingly earnest. "I just want to see you happy."

"If you want me to be happy," Eddie snaps, "then just ask me out yourself, since I've fucking been in love with you since April."

Steve freezes, hazelnut eyes like full moons on dinnerplates.

Eddie's hand flexes on the doorknob as he resists the white-hot urge to slam the door shut on Steve's shocked face. Maybe he should take a vacation down south to Mexico. Perhaps change his name and never come back. Hopefully there'll be sweet and earnest boys with olive skin and luscious hair waiting for him on the beaches of Cancun. Holy shit this is a fucking disaster.

"Oh," Steve says.

"Yeah, oh."

"You love me?" Steve asks, eyes sparkling like the rural sky. He draws closer to Eddie, raising a hand that begs to touch him.

"When have I not?" Eddie admits as leans into Steve's touch against his shoulder and laces their fingers together.

I guess I was, uh. I wasn't expecting it." Steve smiles softly and gazes at their intertwined hands.

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Love me too?"

"Oh God." It's like Eddie's staring straight into the sun, with the ways Steve's smile grows more intense with each second. He wants to have it burned into his retinas. "Of course I do. It feels so stupid how much I'm obsessed with you."

"You know, you have a weird way of putting it, what with all the setting me up with guys I don't know," Eddie chirps. Steve chuffs and shakes his head like a guilty dog.

"I guess I wasn't expecting you to want me back. I wasn't sure you'd go for guys like me."

For jocks hangs heavy and silent in the air between them, as if Steve hasn't quite jumped over that hurtle of guilt over the person he was in high school. Sure, he was king of the letter crowd, but he's nothing like the douchebag from '83. Steve would never shove him into a locker or be a general chest-beating moron around Eddie, because he's not a moron. He's sweet and dorky and a little misguided, sometimes, but he has the heart of the size of a mack truck and a kindness to show it.

The thought of Steve talking Eddie's ear off about Sportsketball and the works sends an excited little shiver down his spine.

"I would," Eddie says, completely and utterly honestly. "God, I would for you."

He brings Steve's hand to his lips and smacks a wet kiss over the soft skin. "And the necklace..."

"That was my Hail Mary," Steve admits with a bashful shrug of his shoulders.

"I haven't taken it off since you've given it to me."

Steve releases his grip from Eddie's spindly hand and brushes his fingertips against Eddie's collarbone, tugging at the chain of the necklace until it untucks itself from underneath Eddie's shirt. Eddie watches the way that Steve lights up like a fucking electrical surge at the hint of sunshine yellow against his pale skin. It makes Eddie flush a bright red.

And when Steve's palm flattens against Eddie's chest and pushes him inside Eddie's new government loaned trailer, he lets himself be pushed against the wall and kissed.

And kissed, and kissed, and kissed.

Sufficed to say, when Eddie wakes up the next morning with Steve drooling against the back of his neck and his warm hand splayed against the skin of his naked chest, Eddie vows to always take Jeff's word for it.

____________

holy shit i was not expecting for part one to get that much fanfare. to be honest, i was totally intending for it to be a one and done to explore eddie and jeff's friendship, and believe me, my heart is so warmed by the reception it got. i recently have gotten myself out of a months long slump and have been swamped with college work, so i apologize for my writing being so few and far between. thank you all and i hope this is the resolution you were waiting so patiently for! :)

@grtwdsmwhr @eyehartart @bananahoneycomb @notasmoothman @colidamae

[horrorsboyfrie]

Loser!Zandik being crushed on by Popular!Reader

(masc terms on reader+ it's the typical corny social butterfly × weirdo shit, queer edition, honestly + Zandik displays traits of autism + a little murderous♡)

Zandik, as per usual, was spending the night's time in the library. It was quiet, for the most part. While a lot of his fellow peers were focused on finding answers for their own satisfaction, even those who viewed their values and research to be above everyone else's had someone to keep them company; for that reason, they often chose to borrow the necessary books and study in their respective dorms, or the dorms of their friends. Some did indeed prefer the setup of the library's sections and desks, but even so, the peaceful atmosphere was not interrupted by them.

Zandik sat on a table at the very ends of the room. He had a pile of books to his right; some half opened, and others neatly stack on top of each other. He had his notebook and pens nearby, taking notes of anything he deemed crucial knowledge for his personal projects.

Not long had he been entangled in his theories when a specific group of students decided to make an appearance. They could be heard from miles away— and it just so happened that they chose to sit on a table to his right. Malicious intent, no doubt. These people tended to act as if Zandik was some foreign species to be studied; as if he was a sort of a subject that needed constant supervision.

Of any day to endure the constant speculations and disgusted or concerned expressions towards him, today was not the right one. Nothing too horrific had happened to him, not something that would matter to an average person, at least. It's just that he slept wrong, causing him to wake up with slight neck pain, which played a role in worsening his already short temper, which in turn made his sensory issues towards his clothes, especially his socks, far more insufferable than they had to be. He was one unexpected move away from having a meltdown.

Yet again, he managed to ignore the obnoxiously loud 《whispers》 that sprouted out of those filthy rat-filled mouths of theirs, as Zandik's already-overwhelmed mind decided to call them.

Unfortunately for him, the multiple different voices started chanting even more nonsense as you walked towards the table— he could see that you were dreading it. Was everyone so damn bothered by his existence? You were known to be such a sweetheart— contrast to majority of boys there— by those who've interacted with you, but to be fair, none had a reputation quite like Zandik's, so it's no wonder you resented him, as everyone else did.

"Why'd we have to sit here?" he heard you emphasize. He looked your way; he could see the grins on the faces of your friends, the way they seemed to be picking on someone, hushed whispers, mentioning his name time after time, as if he wasn't barely three chairs away. Gods, his patience was running thin.

"Can we just switch seats?" He listened as you practically begged your friend, who was sitting on the complete opposite end of the table. As much as he may have claimed (to himself, seeing as he had none to actually confide in) not be a man driven by emotion, his worse sensory days were tempt to be a catastrophe in every way possible. He left soon after he heard those mumbles; he was too sensitive for his own good, even if he dismissed that fragile soul of his with walls of anger and apathy.

Your friends seemed to notice before you, the fact that he was no longer in the room. All you got was endless teasing about how you've missed your chance or about the fact that you probably 《intimidated》 him. Bullshit, no? You sighed as the group split up again, each going ahead to do their own thing. The only true reason they decided to meet up here was to force you into talking to him. That did not quite work out, it seems.

You hurried to leave as well, when you noticed a small pen on the ground. That must be his; you always see him writing with that specific shade of blue. It's not like nobody else in the whole Akademiya owned the same one, but he was sitting on the table you found it under. You decided to hold on to it. Perhaps it would be an opportunity to finally have a conversation with the guy!

On your way back to the dorms, you noticed him nearing his own room. Maybe now's the time to return him his belongings— especially considering how he seemed to be searching his pockets. His face was indifferent when he realized he didn't have the pen on him, but his hands were trermbling; a hint of anxiety perhaps? One could only speculate. You decided to leave him on his own. He probably wasn't up for company or conversation anyway.

The following few days weren't quite like you expected. Usually, you'd manage to get at least a glance your way by him; laughing at stupid jokes, bumping into people or objects that you could have easily avoided, accidentally saying things a bit too loud. Nothing worked this time. It's as if he purposefully was avoiding you; a fact that got confirmed after you tried walking towards him. He saw you—he made sure you saw his look, he held it for a couple of seconds— and then he walked away. Fuck, there's no way this guy wants anything to do with you.

Weeks later, you had grown to forget ever owning that pen of his; actually, you started using it for yourself. If you can't give it back, then why not use it for yourself?

Zandik, despite trying his hardest to keep his stares away from you and your friends (and pretty much everyone else in that damned building), couldn't help but notice that his long-gone favorite pen is under your possession.

After the very last class of the day, he decided to give you a visit; your fate had been decided by him already. He's done what he's done in the Eleazar hospital and got away with it. It wouldn't be hard to add another body into the endless pile of disappearances; he knew how to keep suspicion off his shoulders.

Perhaps it was a bit too far. He was letting his rage get the better of him; but gods, he really hadn't felt at ease writing with anything else. "His death would make no logical sense to my goals," he sighed as he reminded himself. "What sort of researcher puts his emotions above his values?" He groaned— frustrated both at himself for considering such a solution to his problems, and at the situation itself.

Times like these, he'd go to his special place to sit and think; it was a big tree, near a lake. Children would often talk about their encounters with the Aranara there. At first, he only ever visited that place so he could find one creature and take it for himself, but he grew quite comfortable being there.

He grabbed the opportunity by its hand once he spotted you all alone; sitting with your back against that very same tree that he favored. As if you had a seventh sense, you turned around to see him. He wasn't quite prepared to be greeted with a smile. It caught him off guard; why were you, of all people, showing any form of sympathy for him?

"I was hoping you'd be here" you said, handing him the pen that he has been desperately trying to get a hold of again.

[ewingstan]

Take the following observations:

Taylor kissed Rachel to cure bonesaw's miasma (wildbow 2012, part 14.11)

Taylor could have spit on a bug and had it fly into Rachel's mouth to cure the miasma (@ty-bayonet-betteridge, 2023)

Wildbow has stated numerous times that neither of these characters are supposed to be taken as queer.

Taylor kissing a girl on the lips in a scenario when there were other options she likely would have thought of to cure her is Gay

These three observations all seem to contradict with each other, such that we cannot take them seriously without one of them giving. Most would place their doubt on 3, claiming that wildbow intentionally created a yuri moment for his readers and then backed away from the implications this would have on the larger story. However, careful reasoning reveals that there is no necessary contradiction:

A normally gay action isn't actually gay if all your alternatives in the situation would be more gay.

The most-often stated alternative for what Taylor could have done involved flying a bug down Rachel's throat.

Taylor's swarm is noted numerous times to be an extension of her body.

We can thus conclude there is no contradiction between are initial quartet of observations as long as we accept the following: Taylor having a bug fly down a girl's throat is more gay than simply kissing them.

With this out of the way, we can turn our attention to a section from 19.7:

We have an instance of Taylor doing what she was fully capable of doing in the miasma incident, and sticking a bug down her teammate's throat—in this case in order to stop talking. Based on our above reasoning, we can conclude that Taylor did the equivalent of dipping Lisa into a surprise kiss sloppy style to shut her up. The fact that this strategy worked and Sundancer did in fact nuke those guys is an important piece of evidence for my ongoing theory that Worm acts on the logic of a romantic comedy—

[nobylerdoubt]

I'm having doubt because of the overall rejection towards byler, ppl that I know irl ship them or at least consider the possibility (without me saying anything) but ppl on the internet don't seem to? I'm surprised that queer people ship mileven, and they are totally allowed to ofc, but it surprises me a bit, is byler really that bad and forced or are ppl just haters?

My dear anon, the reason so many people don't think byler is gonna happen has nothing to do with the likelihood of byler, and everything to do with homophobia and heteronormativity.

This is actually a really great question for Pride Month, so here's some queer media history for you.

Queercoding and Heteronormativity

Let me introduce you to the Hays Code:

The Motion Picture Production Code was a set of industry guidelines for the self-censorship of content that was applied to most motion pictures released by major studios in the United States from 1934 to 1968. It is also popularly known as the Hays Code, after Will H. Hays, president of the Motion Picture Producers and Distributors of America (MPPDA) from 1922 to 1945.

Wikipedia

The code was made to regulate the moral content of films. It regulated films to showing only "correct standards of life" and not showing audiences that could tempt them to sympathize with "crime, wrongdoing, evil, or sin". The "crime, wrongdoing, evil, or sin" in question including abortion, ridiculing religion (read: christianity), nudity, premarital sex, a love triangle including married characters, interracial marriage, prostitution, and of course homosexuality.

While the code was technically voluntary, it was mandatory for any filmmaker who wanted their film to show in American theaters. For 30 years, almost every film produced in the US adhered to the Hays Code.

During this period of time we see the invention of queer coding. It was a way to acknowledge a characters LGBT identity, while still adhering to the code.

Some coding meant borrowing from some of the coding for straight sex (which was obviously also censored) like lighting each other cigarettes. Other hints a character could be queer could be that character wearing lavender colored clothing, handkerchiefs, or scented handkerchiefs. Calling a man a "confirmed bachelor" for example, was queer coding.

Anything more explicit then that had to give the character's "moral conflict" "the proper frame of reference". Meaning, If a character is more obviously gay they are punished for it. They're villains, and/or they die. They most certainly don't get to have a happy ending. This is where you get the bury your gays trope.

The code dissolved in 1968, instead becoming a rating system to warn audiences about a film's contents rather than outright blocking them. However, queer coding stayed.

There's a theory that I couldn't find a source for, but one that I remember from my Pop Culture class where I first learned about this stuff. It's called Inoculation Theory. The idea is that if you slowly introduce a top into pop culture and film, such as queer narratives, the general public will build a tolerance to it - like a vaccine. So queer coding slowly started to turn into queer storylines and queer storylines.

(A really great documentary to watch on this subject is called The Celluloid Closet, which discusses LGBT people in cinema and how that have evolved up until 1995 when the documentary was created.)

However, as a side effect of inoculating the public to queer narratives, they have grown tolerant of queer narratives in a different way... They have seen queer coding so much, they have grown less sensitive to it. They fail to see the signs of a queer narrative because it doesn't matter - that character will probably be killed off. They won't get a happy ending, and they certainly won't get to be in a relationship with another member of the cast.

Now... it's not that overt. I doubt a lot of people are thinking those exact things, but it's so ingrained in our collective society - people don't see queer storylines as ones that tend to get fully realized, or get happy endings, based on the media they've consumed.

Now this is all assuming the best of people, but there's a nefarious flip side to all of this:

Queerbaiting and Homophobia

Where queer coding is a way to get a queer narrative into the world without pissing off the censors, queer baiting is the opposite. Queer baiting involves the marketing of the show or movie alluding to LGBT representation without actually giving that representation - at least not in a meaningful way. They're trying to bring in a broader audience to watch their show or their movie without alienating their straight, homophobic, conservative audience members.

Famous examples of this include Sherlock, Supernatural, and Voltron.

Queer baiting is homophobic and cruel and common.

So with queer coding and queer baiting combined, the general audience doesn't see queer storylines as viable. Queer characters are expendable, and their stories aren't as important as they stories of straight characters.

Now, there is queer representation out their in the world, but it's less likely to happen, in the eyes of the conservative, heteronormative public, in a normal show or movie. A visual media that isn't explicitly "for the gays", like Heartstopper, Love, Simon, or Red, White, & Royal Blue. (Those shows and movies are great - but they're explicitly queer stories.)

The idea that a ship like Byler could show up in a wildly popular non-queer (to them) show, is frankly unheard of.

But more than just general skepticism and denial - we are in a period of conservatism and homophobia. People are just homophobic, and the idea that a gay character could "tear apart" a straight relationship... they're afraid of it.

And even more so because it's plausible.

You wanna know why people don't worry about Robin/Vickie - because it's not breaking up an established straight couple. Ronance? Steddie? Because it's not gonna happen. Let the gays have their "silly little romances" because they don't stand a chance of becoming canon. It's just fanfiction and headcanons.

But Byler is real, and it's threatening. That's why they hate it.

Hays Code sources: 1/2/3

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi, if it's not too much trouble, could you tell me who you think each guy's ideal woman is? I know that in theory they could be with anyone, but I need something more specific. I need this information for a fanfic I'm writing.

Sorry this took me a few days to answer but I've been struggling with a prolonged migraine. But, I know I've answered this question before a long time ago, though it might've been phrased differently back in the day.

See, I have such a hard time saying, "Well, this would be the ideal type of man or woman". When I imagine someone who is their type, I don't see a specific gender in mind which makes it difficult to answer this question the way it's worded.

Like, you're right, their partner can be anyone out there, but... I can't limit the notion down to things that are specifically gendered. I read the RFA as so largely queer that the idea of trying to wrap my brain around what they might like in women or men makes my head spin! This might also be because of the way I view romance? Because, I'm attracted to pretty much anyone and it's defined by personality first and foremost. People definitely do have preferences for more than just personality, aesthetic, style, hair color, etc, but I guess it's hard for me to imagine some of these preferences being limited to woman they might like when so much of it could apply to men, non-binary folks, pretty much anyone of any gender or of no gender.

So, I am sorry for not being able to answer this ask in the way you're asking it, LOL, but I did my best.

Yoosung wants a partner who respects him. He wants someone who sees him as he is, and doesn't pinch his cheeks whenever he doesn't know something that other people do. He's inexperienced because he is coming into his own but that doesn't mean he's immature or a kid. A huge part of his route is built upon someone... recognizing him for who he is as a person. A kind, compassionate man who is exploring a world that's just opened up to him and he isn't sure where he wants to turn yet.

That's really what he wants in a partner. A nice person who sees him as their equal and doesn't mind letting him call the shots sometimes, because he would relent and let you take the wheel, too. He wants to be treated his age and enjoy silly relationship cliches. Can he take you to the carnival? Win you a few prizes? How many a simple date at the movies? A picnic? An amusement park? He is the relationship of what I would like to call "firsts". There's a first time for everyone and there's no doubt he wants all of his special firsts to be with you. Someone in his bubble who listens and doesn't speak over him when he feels like something's amiss. A good listener and advocate, that's his type.

Zen is the kind of person people assume has a cliche type. He wants to be the hero who saves his partner in distress. When, in reality, he's coded himself as Cinderella and wouldn't mind being saved, too. He's dreaming of the day he meets someone who looks at him and knows he's more than his pretty face. He wants to be seen as someone who is more than just something to gawk at. He's spent his entire life with people constantly poking and prodding him without his consent. He's desperate for a partner who waits and listens to him.

Someone who knows he's humble, and sometimes he just wants to lay in bed all day and cuddle with his partner. His life might filled to the brim with work but that doesn't mean he doesn't want the works. He wants to take you out on dates, to the movies, to watch the stars, to take a ride across the city, and what have you. He wants someone who talks just as much as he does and isn't afraid to hold back. He's dreaming of a partner who isn't ashamed of being who they are!

Jaehee's perfect partner is someone who wants to see her succeed in life. That person who listens to her spill her heart out and doesn't hold back for a minute when they say she can do whatever she puts her mind to. Someone who knows she is worthy of everything she's dreamed of and is willing to say it's worth the fight. That's the hard part of her route, the fact that she's resigned herself to living a life that doesn't make her happy because she thinks that's the only way to life.

You are the color in her dull world that honestly says to her, "You are capable of anything you want to do in this world, Jaehee. You have to be willing to try. Even if it doesn't work out, wouldn't you be happier if you said you gave yourself a chance? I'll follow you no matter where you go, so... will you take my hand?" Believe in her so much that she finds the strength to believe because she believes in you. That's her kind of love.

Jumin's dream is a partner who empathizes with him. Someone who knows where he's coming from when he says he wishes people would listen to him when he speaks about the things he loves. He wants so badly to be heard. The problem is that people do listen to him but they only listen to the things they WANT to hear, they don't actually care about what he's saying unless it pertains to them. It's why he doesn't have a lot of close friends outside of the RFA. It's why being able to speak his mind and share his emotions with you matters so much in the first place.

He wants his emotions to be respected. He wants a partner who can read him just as well as he can read them. Do you know how long he has waited to find someone who won't think of him as a wallet or an unfeeling robot? You don't have to have lived the same experience as him to get it. But, it is crucial for the ideal partner who tries their best to understand his plight because he deserves to be heard. Anyone in this world can struggle with loneliness and having you there helps his heart feel complete.

Saeyoung's ideal partner is someone who not only respects his boundaries but pushes them, too. You need to be willing to stand by his side when he's facing a mountain but also brave enough to be honest with him when he's doing something wrong. He's prone to destroying himself even when he wants to live a happy life, too, so having a partner who puts their foot down for his sake is important. Fight for him because you know he wants to be fought for, too. He can try to throw himself away all he wants but it's not what he really wants. He wants to be selfish, too. He wants to experience life with you.

Challenge him... and not only that, have fun with him, too. He's not just the clown he pretended to be in the chatroom. He's a serious guy who has a lot of love to give. Listen to him when he talks about his hobby and let him unload things he's buried away for years because he was forced to deny himself simple pleasures. A partner for him is someone who smiles and fights for not only their happiness, but for his, too.

V, first of all, has to heal from his relationship with Rika before he jumps into any new relationship. But, for him, the best partner would be someone who engages with his zest for life and explores what it means to be passionate. Someone who speaks their mind but also doesn't talk about him when he speaks his. Someone who can talk a mile a minute and make goo-goo eyes at him when he's knee-deep in a conversation about some deep philosophical topic. He can talk for hours, mind you, so I imagine any partner of his loves doing that just as much.

Have you ever wanted support from someone to follow your dream no matter what it is? Someone who is patient and willing to wait for you because they know you're the one for them? That's the kind of person who is perfect for V! You know what you want and you don't want to settle for anything less. Even if life is a challenge, you know you're happy with him and he knows he's happy with you. Oh, and it's okay if you poke his buttons a little, he doesn't mind being tested in a debate! He's not a pushover when he's at his best, mind you!

Saeran's ideal partner is someone who not only listens to him when he's at his lowest but helps him figure out what he wants to say when he isn't sure how to communicate it. Someone who has known life at his worst but still came out of it with a smile on their face because life is a challenge but that doesn't mean you'll let it destroy your belief in happily ever after. A partner who is truly his equal in every way and is quick to not only jump to his defense but hold him accountable when he makes a mistake.

A partner who is so innately human, both flawed and honest in every way imaginable, because that's who he is. You don't have to be a saint to be his perfect partner. You just have to love him as he is and know he'll brave every storm with you because that's what life is about. He isn't afraid because he's realized there's no such thing as perfect and trying to imagine perfection would put him back in a fantasy. Trust me, he doesn't need a fantasy to be happy. He wants real life and he doesn't mind if it's messy.

[lightningbreath]

I want to make it clear from the outset that having headcanons or theories is not a problem. Getting frustrated when they don't come true is not a problem either. But it is when people treat these headcanons as if Nintendo had an obligation to fulfill them.

I find it genuinely funny how some fans got so deep into their headcanons to the point of getting angry at the existence of Yona (poor girl) and the fact that Sidon is in a straight relationship, but that doesn't surprise me coming from people who claim to fight against stereotypes but are the ones who live and propagate stereotypes the most (the amount that most of the queer people I've met have been bugging me about being bisexual and aromantic is unbelievable).

I mean, as if canon would stop fujoshis from turning all the men in a series gay, no matter their sexuality, way of behaving or if they're in a relationship or not, so I don't understand why they say that Nintendo "removed the queer coding" when this was just a hc, Nintendo never implied that Sidon was queer, if they had said something like "a Zelda character will be queer" I could even understand, but that wasn't the case.

Now, in my opinion, the way Sidon talks and treats Link reminds me a lot of how my sister acts with the BTS boys, I think Sidon has a very idealized vision of Link, he talks about Link as if he were his favorite Marvel superhero and if we take into account that Link doesn't even seem to have frequented the Zora Region much during the time between Botw and Totk and that his ring doesn't even go on his ring finger.... anyway, it was cool to see Sidon's maturity, although his behavior is adorable, he's not a baby anymore.

I admit that Yona's introduction came out of nowhere, but honestly, TOTK introduces and disappears characters out of nowhere, Kass simply disappeared from the map, NPCs forgot about Link and the whole story of Sonia and Rauru also came out of absolutely nowhere. If Yona was the only one in this situation I would give her the benefit of the doubt, but that's not the case.

Not to mention that for a game ""with a hetero code"" I wonder why Nintendo didn't confirm right away that Link and Zelda are a couple instead of just saying this, I swear, how hard is it to formalize them? People will complain about anything, but no, Nintendo is afraid of I don't know what.

I will never forgive Nintendo for taking away the possibility of Zelda being a companion in the adventure or at least having a more constant presence. Thanks to that, I am living off of fanfics and fanarts.

P. S.: I wonder, if we ever get a remake of OoT, if Nintendo gives Malon a husband or canonizes OoT Zelink, how the fandom will react to that?

P. S. S.: Also, since people still complain to this day that TotK didn't turn Ganondorf into a "uwu boy who's just a poor victim of circumstances", a theory fueled by the appearance that the 10,000-year-old Hero had on the tapestry is because Ganondorf is a sexy man.

Although, on this last point I have to be honest, I was disappointed with the fact that Nintendo basically threw away the cinematics from the first TotK trailer and basically ignored the Sheikah technology, everything that Botw had hinted about the Zonai and the whole story of the Calamity from 10,000 years before Botw.

Anyway, it's just a question of how this fandom takes headcanons as if they were an absolute truth, and this ends up causing unnecessary fights because no one wants to admit that their hc may be unlikely to happen.

But that's just my opinion. Thank you for reading.

[creamco]

—inferiority complex in queer relationshipsᝰ.ᐟ

let’s talk about inferiority complex in lgbtqia+ relationships; i struggled and am still struggling about this so i felt like i needed to, y'know... self-awareness i guess?

like, we all know relationships can be messy, complicated, and full of overthinking. but when you add the whole society constantly judging your existence factor, things get even messier. feeling "not enough" in a relationship is already a tiring thing, but for queer people? yeah, it fucks different.

first, let’s get the basics down. inferiority complex is basically when someone constantly feels like they’re less than others— less attractive, less lovable, less worthy, less smart, basically less. alfred adler, a psych dude from the early 1900s, came up with the term, and it’s still super relevant.

now, combine that with lgbtqia+ struggles (internalized homophobia, heteronormativity, body image issues, societal rejection, etc.) which even you are confused about what you are sometimes and boom. you’ve got a perfect recipe for self-doubt and unhealthy relationship dynamics. viola!

why does this matter? well, relationships should be a safe space, not a battleground for self-worth. but for queer people, there’s often an extra layer of insecurity that comes from growing up in a world that tells them they’re less than everything "normal". this entry is gonna dive deep into why that happens, how it shows up in relationships, and what we can actually do about it.

we’ll be looking at the psychological roots of inferiority complex, the external pressures that make it worse, and the ways it messes with lgbtqia+ relationships— whether it’s one partner feeling "not good enough" or both struggling with their own self-worth. also, spoiler: it’s not just about self-esteem. it’s about power imbalances, jealousy, validation-seeking, and how society shapes the way we see ourselves and our partners.

so yeah, let’s get into it. because queer love deserves better than this cycle of self-doubt. i deserve it.

╭┉┈ psychological foundations

alright, time to get into the nerdy stuff. (that one purple-gray sonic being freaky type nerdy)

inferiority complex is basically when someone constantly feels like they’re not good enough, no matter what they do.

and surprise, surprise— this happens a lot in queer relationships because of all the external and internalized bullshit queer people deal with. let’s break it down.

alfred adler’s inferiority complex theory (why we feel like shit sometimes)

so, alfred adler (big psychology guy from the early 1900s) came up with the whole inferiority complex idea. he said that as humans, we’re all born with some level of insecurity because we start off as weak little babies who need to figure out how to survive. over time, we try to overcome these insecurities by proving ourselves— through achievements, relationships, or whatever makes us feel valid. sounds normal, right?

except, when someone constantly feels like they’re failing or being compared to others, that insecurity turns into an inferiority complex— you can call it a deep-rooted belief that they’re never not good enough. this can make people either shut down (avoid relationships, isolate, or self-sabotage) or overcompensate (act super confident but secretly hate themselves). and if this sounds familiar, yeah, a LOT of queer people deal with this, thanks to a lifetime of being told they’re "less than" by society.

self-esteem, social comparison, and why we always feel like we don’t measure up:

low self-esteem and inferiority complex go hand in hand. and in the lgbtqia+ community, self-esteem is often shaped by:

- how accepted (or rejected) someone was growing up

- representation in media (do i have to explain? it’s usually unrealistic or toxic or heteronormative IF IT IS SHOWN AS ACCEPTED. i don't want to get into the homophobia in media.)

- dating culture and queer beauty standards (which can be brutal and really depressing, now don't start with everyone is beautiful, some of you guys DISCRIMINATE BY LOOKS)

- comparing themselves to straight/cis relationships (which society calls "normal" lmao what does even "normal" mean?)

- comparing themselves to pasts of their love interest (i can't even bring myself to talk about this)

this constant comparison can make someone feel like they’re failing at being queer enough or attractive enough or successful enough which all play into inferiority complex in relationships.

minority stress & internalized oppression (why society fucks us over)

there’s also this fun little concept called minority stress, which basically means that just existing as a different person adds extra emotional weight to your life. lgbtqia+ people deal with:

- discrimination (subtle or straight-up aggressive)

- fear of rejection (by family, friends, partners, society, etc.)

- internalized homophobia/transphobia (believing the negative things people say about them)

- constantly having to *prove* they’re valid

- thinking your love interest's past lover/interest was less "less" than you or your love interest feeled them more

this constant stress creates a cycle where people start believing they’re not worthy of love, success, or happiness. and if they do find a relationship, they might overthink everything, self-sabotage, or settle for less than they deserve because they don’t think they can do better.

so yeah, inferiority complex in queer relationships isn’t just about personal insecurities— it’s built on years of societal messages that make people doubt & hate themselves. and that’s exactly why we need to talk about it.

╭┉┈ causes of inferiority complex in lgbtqia+ relationships

okay, so we know what inferiority complex is and how it connects to lgbtqia+ experiences. but why does it happen so much in queer relationships? well, a mix of internal struggles, societal expectations, and past trauma all play a role. let’s break it down.

internalized homophobia/transphobia: when society’s bullshit becomes your inner voice

growing up in a world that constantly tells you there’s something wrong with you? yeah, that sticks. internalized homophobia/transphobia is when queer people start believing the negative things said about them. even if they fully support lgbtqia+ rights, deep down, they might still feel like they’re less than, unloveable or undeserving of love.

in relationships, this can show up as:

- believing they’re not "worthy" of a happy, healthy relationship

- thinking they have to "prove" their queerness or masculinity/femininity/nonbinarity/etc.

- feeling like they’re never good enough for their partner

- pushing their partner away out of fear of rejection

basically, it’s like carrying around an invisible weight of self-doubt, and it makes relationships way harder than they need to be.

heteronormative pressures: feeling like you’re doing relationships ‘wrong’

heteronormativity is the idea that straight, cisgender relationships are the default and everything else is weird or lesser. even if you’re fully out and proud, these expectations can still mess with your mindset.

this can look like:

- wondering if your relationship is "valid" because it doesn’t look like the traditional model

- feeling pressure to fit into the generally unrealistic "masc/fem" dynamic in same-gender relationships

- struggling with public displays of affection because of fear or discomfort

- thinking your relationship is "less serious" because society doesn’t treat it the same way

all of this builds up and makes people feel insecure, like they’re failing at relationships just because they don’t fit into the mold society expects.

social marginalization: being excluded, erased, or treated like a ‘phase’

another big reason inferiority complex shows up in queer relationships? society loves to ignore, fetishize, or straight-up erase lgbtqia+ love.

- bi & pan & similar people get told they’re "just confused" or "going through a phase"

- ace & aro people are treated like they’re broken

- trans & nonbinary people face constant invalidation about their gender and relationships

- queer relationships are often left out of family conversations, media, and even legal protections

when you constantly have to fight to be seen and taken seriously, it’s easy to start questioning your own worth in a relationship.

body image & gender expectations: the queer beauty standards struggle

yeah, body image issues affect everyone, but the lgbtqia+ community has its own set of impossible beauty standards.

- in gay & lesbian spaces, there’s often pressure to be super fit, masc/fem, or "high-value" (i have no words)

- trans people deal with dysphoria, passing expectations, and unrealistic beauty ideals (while some trans people look "ugly" post-transition or for pre-transition phase "doesn't look like trans enough for a person who wants to be a *gender")

- even within the community, certain body types & gender presentations are favored over others (i hate, yes i hate all of you. having preferations and favoring is different, search it up.)

when people don’t feel like they fit into these standards, it can seriously mess with their confidence in relationships. like, why would my partner want me if I don’t look like the "ideal" queer person? this causes people feeling less than other people in community.

comparison & the ex-factor: needing to be "better" (i wrote this a bit longer than others because i experienced this)

okay, let’s be real— comparing yourself to your partner’s ex or past crushes is already bad enough. but for people dealing with an inferiority complex, +being queer, it doesn’t stop at just feeling less than— it turns into a full-on need to prove superiority.

like, it’s not just "what if they were better?" it’s "i have to prove MYSELF that i’m better than them in every possible way."

this can turn into:

- constantly searching for things you have that the ex didn’t (better looks, better personality, more interesting life, whatever helps your brain cope) this sometimes includes making your partner talk about their ex to get yourself assured, no matter if your partner wants or not.

- lowkey feeling like you’re competing against a ghost—someone who isn’t even in your partner’s life anymore, but still exists in your mind as an "enemy"

- stalking that ex/exes over and over, finding similarities between you & ex while comparing yourself to the ex

- violating your partner's privacy by going through their phone/messages/photos and convincing yourself that your partner felt/feels them more. (felt as in felt emotion and/or physical pleasure)

- needing your partner to verbally confirm that you’re better— like fishing for reassurance or trying to get them to rank you above their ex

- feeling weirdly defensive if your partner ever says something neutral or positive about their past relationships (even if it has nothing to do with you nor that spesific ex/exes)

- going out of your way to *be the best partner ever*. not just because you want to, but because you feel like you need to outdo whoever came before you

this mindset usually comes from a mix of insecurity + fear of being replaceable. if you already struggle with feeling "not enough," the idea that your partner used to love someone else can feel like a direct attack on your worth. even if they’ve moved on, your brain is like,

- but were they happier with them?

- did they love them more?

- am i just the second choice?

- am i a replacement?

- did partner love ex more?

- does partner think of ex when they are near me?

- what about intimacy? does partner think of ex while we are having intimacy?

- was ex better than me at sex?

- were ex more attractive? sexy? do i even look sexy? am i pretty enough for partner, better than ex?

- am i even good at sex? do i turn partner on?

- am i even worth dating let alone having sex?

goes on and on and on and on. (these are actual questions i wrote on my diary when i was having trouble about my gf's ex.)

but here’s the thing: love isn’t a competition. your partner didn’t pick you because you’re "better" than someone else— they picked you because you’re you. trying to "win" against someone from the past isn’t just exhausting— it also stops you from actually enjoying the relationship you have now.

economic & social disparities: financial struggles = self-worth struggles

money problems can trigger inferiority complex too, and lgbtqia+ people are more likely to face financial struggles because of:

- workplace discrimination

- mobbing

- lack of family support

- fewer job opportunities in certain industries

in relationships, financial insecurity can make someone feel like they’re not "bringing enough to the table," which can lead to power imbalances and self-doubt. i have literally zero experiences about this and i couldn't find anything online, so i am sorry about lack of information and examples.

past trauma & rejection: emotional baggage that doesn’t just disappear

whether it’s family rejection, a toxic ex, bullying or any other kind of trauma, past experiences stick with people. hair hold memories kinda shit, but in this case it's your brain. if someone has been told that they’re unlovable or not good enough, they might carry that fear into their current relationship. this can lead to:

- overcompensating (constantly trying to "earn" love)

- self-sabotage (pushing people away before they can leave or the behavioural things caused by inferiority complex ruinin your relationship)

- trust issues (assuming their partner will eventually hurt them)

so yeah, inferiority complex in queer relationships isn’t just a random thing— it’s built on years of external and internal struggles. and if people don’t recognize it, it can seriously mess up their relationships.

╭┉┈ how inferiority complex shows up in lgbtqia+ relationships

so we’ve talked about why queer people struggle with inferiority complex in relationships, but how does it actually happen irl? like, what does it look like when someone’s self-doubt starts creeping into their love life? it’s not just overthinking and feeling insecure— it can shape the entire dynamic of a relationship.

1) comparison obsession: the ex, the crush, the imaginary competition

we already touched on this, this is one of the biggest ways inferiority complex messes with relationships. it’s not just a casual "oh, i wonder what their ex was like," it’s a full-blown mentality of jealousy and hatred in a 'non-jealous + no-hate' way.

and then, of course, comes the need to be "superior." suddenly, it’s not just about existing in the relationship, it’s about winning. you start analyzing everything, trying to prove yourself that you’re better, prettier, sexier, more loveable than the ex. maybe you start manipulating, maybe you get defensive anytime their past is mentioned, maybe you just sit there in a mental cage-match versus a person who doesn’t even know you exist.

it's exhausting.

the worst part? this mindset turns the relationship into a self-competition instead of a mutual connection. the focus shifts from enjoying the love you have to trying to prove your worth to yourself— like you have to have an assurance. and that’s just sad, because if they’re with you, they chose you.

2) validation addiction: needing constant reassurance

inferiority complex can make someone crave validation like it’s a survival necessity. not just casual complimentary— constant proof that they’re loved, desired, and valued. this can look like:

- asking their partner to rank them compared to their ex/crushes

- needing frequent "i love you"s just to feel secure

- getting anxious if their partner doesn’t compliment them enough

- reading way too much into neutral comments (like, "what do you mean my hair looks ‘different’ today? different in a good way or a bad way?!")

- even in a slight inconvenience, thinking that their partner doesn't love them like partner loved ex.

this isn’t just about wanting affection— it’s about needing external proof of self-worth because they don’t fully believe it themselves.

3) fear of abandonment & self-sabotage

when someone deep down believes they’re not enough, they start expecting their partner to leave. sometimes, this turns into toxic clinginess— constantly checking in, overcompensating, never wanting to be apart:

- prohibiting their parner from doing basic daily activities (meeting friends, having alone time, constantly sending too much tiktoks/reels about love, overreacting to everything, etc.)

- when partner chooses something above them (like going to school, doing homeworks first, showering, etc) being uncomfortable that they are the second choice

- getting jealous over everyone including family members

- being obsessed about winning the "i love you more" competition

other times, it leads to self-sabotage:

- picking fights over small things just to test if their partner will stay

- distancing themselves so they don’t get too attached

- assuming every small issue means the relationship is doomed

- shutting down emotionally because "they’re going to leave anyway, so why try?" or "if i tell them this, they will get bored and leave."

it’s like the brain is trying to protect itself from heartbreak by causing problems before they even exist.

4) power imbalances: feeling like the ‘lesser’ partner (dangerous one)

inferiority complex can make someone feel like they have to earn their place in a relationship. like, instead of seeing themselves as an equal, they feel like they have to "keep up" with their partner— whether that’s in looks, intelligence, success or even just personality.

this can lead to:

- feeling like they’re "lucky" to be with their partner, instead of believing they deserve love

- putting up with toxic behavior because they think they can’t do better than the current partner

- never expressing their needs because they don’t want to "cause problems"

- agreeing with everything their partner says just to avoid conflict

- quitting things because partner already does is better and why would they bother ("my partner is so handsome even without a mustache, so why would i grow my mustache out? i'd look ugly even if i had a mustache.")

over time, this turns the relationship into a one-sided dynamic where one person is constantly trying to prove their worth while the other just… exists. and that’s not fair to both of the people.

5) imposter syndrome in queer relationships: ‘do i even deserve this?’

for lgbtqia+ people, there’s an extra layer of relationship imposter syndrome— especially if they’ve been told their whole life that queer love is "less real" or "less serious" than hetero relationships. even in a happy, healthy relationship, there’s sometimes this nagging thought of:

- am i actually good at this, or is my partner just settling?

- do we actually have something real, or am i just fooling myself?

- if society doesn’t see our love as valid, is it even real?

this kind of thinking isn’t just annoying— it can make people hold back from fully embracing their identity, yet relationships. like they’re waiting for something to go wrong because deep down, they don’t think they deserve happiness which is caused by society's disapproval.

6) so what’s next?

okay, so we’ve established that inferiority complex can absolutely wreck a relationship if left unchecked. but the good news? it’s not permanent. in the next section, we’re gonna talk about how people can actually break this cycle, build confidence, and have relationships that aren’t driven by insecurity and comparison. queer love deserves better than this self-doubt spiral.

╭┉┈ breaking the cycle: overcoming inferiority complex in lgbtqia+ relationships

so, we’ve talked about how inferiority complex shows up, why it happens, and how it can lowkey ruin relationships. but here’s the good news: it doesn’t have to be like this. nobody is doomed to feel like they’re not enough forever. breaking the cycle takes work, but it’s 100% possible. let’s get into it.

stop the ex-obsession: shifting the mindset from ‘better’ to ‘different’

okay, let’s address the biggest energy drain first: the ex-comparison spiral. it’s time to stop thinking in terms of better vs. worse and start thinking in terms of different.

- instead of "was their ex better than me?" → try "their past relationships were different, but they’re with me now for a reason."

- instead of "do they still have feelings for their ex?" → try "if they wanted to be with them, they would be. but they’re here, with me."

- instead of "i have to prove i’m superior" → try "i don’t need to compete with someone who isn’t even in the picture anymore."

relationships aren’t math equations. there’s no ranking system where one person wins and the other loses. different people bring different things to a relationship, and just because someone was loved before doesn’t mean you’re any less important now.

also, be fucking for real— sitting around mentally wrestling an ex you’ve never even met? a waste of energy. your relationship is happening now, and that’s what matters.

breaking the validation addiction

if you constantly need your partner to reassure you that you’re enough, the real issue isn’t them— it’s you not believing it yourself. external validation is nice, but if you rely on it to feel secure, it’s never gonna be enough.

- recognize when you’re fishing for reassurance. before asking "do you really love me?" for the 10th time that day, ask yourself— am i asking this because i actually need to hear it, or because my brain is spiraling?

- practice self-affirmation. sounds cheesy, but telling yourself "i am enough, i am valuable, i am worthy of love" (yes, out loud) actually rewires your brain over time.

- sit with discomfort instead of reacting. when the insecurity kicks in, instead of immediately reaching for validation, try to just feel it. let it pass. remind yourself that your feelings don’t define reality.

your partner’s love is a beautiful thing, but it shouldn’t be your only source of self-worth.

unpacking past trauma & internalized beliefs

a lot of inferiority complex issues aren’t even about the relationship itself— they’re about deep-rooted self-worth struggles. maybe you grew up in a homophobic environment, maybe you had an ex who treated you like you weren’t enough, maybe you were bullied. whatever it is, those experiences don’t just disappear— they shape how you see yourself now.

- therapy. im not shitting with you, for real. if you have access to it, therapy is a game-changer for unpacking self-worth issues. a professional can help you reframe your thinking and break toxic patterns.

- journaling. write down the thoughts that come up when you’re feeling insecure. where do they come from? are they actually true, or just old fears resurfacing?

- self-compassion. seriously, *be nice to yourself.* imagine if a friend came to you with the same insecurities— would you tell them they’re not enough? no? then don’t do it to yourself either.

stop making your partner the ‘judge’ of your worth

this is a big one: your partner is not the person who decides if you are worthy of love. you already are, no matter what. the goal of a relationship isn’t to prove you’re enough— it’s to share love, support, and experiences *as equals.*

- you don’t have to earn your partner’s love. they chose you, and that’s enough.

- their past relationships don’t change your value.

- being in a relationship doesn’t make you worthy— you already were, even before this relationship existed.

once you start believing this, relationships stop feeling like tests you have to pass and start feeling like what they’re actually supposed to be: partnerships.

building confidence outside of the relationship

self-worth shouldn’t only come from your love life. having a strong sense of identity and confidence outside of your relationship makes you feel more secure in it.

- find passions that make you feel good about yourself. creative projects, fitness, learning something new—whatever makes you feel accomplished.

- surround yourself with supportive people. friendships, chosen family, online communities— having other sources of love and validation helps take the pressure off your relationship.

- celebrate your wins. every time you challenge a negative thought or feel secure without needing external validation, that’s growth.

╭┉┈ final thoughts: queer love deserves better than insecurity

inferiority complex can make love feel like a competition, like you have to constantly prove yourself. but real love isn’t about proving anything. it’s about connection, trust, and showing up as your full, authentic self.

so yeah, breaking the cycle takes time. some days will be harder than others. but learning to let go of comparisons, validate yourself, and embrace your own worth? that’s how you create relationships that feel good.

and every queer person —every person in general deserves that.

you are valid, you are loveable, you deserve to be loved, you are sexy, you are handsome, you look beautiful, you are gorgeous.

you are fucking queer. embrace that.

[pictures are from pinterest, some about the entry some just funny to me + purple/gray sonic freaky meme]

[wolfertinger]

I have a couple of words on this. /srs

Wis, if you're reading this, no, I'm not criticizing Salem's words based on the fact that he's black, queer, or neurodivergent. I'm criticizing Salem's words based on... Well, his words. And not, this isn't hate, I don't encourage the harassment of anyone involved in this. This is called criticism. Criticism of another person's words. /srs

There are several things I can extract from this one single post. First, the image. That's called a panopticon. /srs

I want to start saying that maybe Salem doesn't know the origin or significance of the structure he posted. I can make this assumption based on how Salem once posted the book "Fearing the Black Body: The Racist Origins of Fat Phobia", without knowing what he was talking about. This book doesn't say nor imply that: /srs

"Fat phobia = Racism"

The book did talk about how fat phobia historically intersected with other systems of oppression such as anti-black Racism and slavery. Unlike what Salem said, Fat Phobia doesn't equal Racism. They are both different concepts, after all. Can they intersect with each other? Are they related to each other? Of course! That's what this book is about! But they are not the same thing. /srs

The panopticon is a style of architecture intended to be disciplinary. The basic principle of the panopticon's architecture was to observe and monitor the greatest number of inmates with the minimum number of guards, this gave the guards the advantage of watching the prisoners at any time without them knowing. Soon, the prisoners would become aware that they were being watched, and this would lead them to behave better. /srs

In the field of social psychology, the panopticon is a metaphor for the social control to which all citizens are subject. Citizens internalize the authority of laws and norms in society, which leads them to behave according to them. Power comes from observation. /srs

I understand this topic, since I studied this in college, and the theory regarding the panopticon, made by Michel Foucault, is more complex and nuanced than this. I tried to explain it in the easiest way so everyone could understand it. /gen

Whether Salem understands or not the meaning behind the image he posted (although you can understand or infer the image by itself is about vigilance and observance), he wants to defend himself. /gen

He wants to imply something like "Actually I AM the victim. Actually YOU are the ones misinterpreting MY GOOD INTENTIONS" /srs

I don't want to imply this is gaslighting, since it's a big accusation and I really hope Salem doesn't keep going on this behavior, but this can definitely be considered manipulative behavior. /srs

I was a follower of Salem. Did I try to give him the benefit of the doubt? Yes, I really tried. But his words and actions by themselves spoke more about him than Salem himself. And for that, I'm really disappointed by how Salem turned out to be. /srs

I'm sorry but I can't believe Salem has good intentions when he has done the following actions: /srs

Being friends with a transmisogynistic abuser (station/haupkmn). /srs

Being incredibly rude and toxic with people who dare to disagree with him. /srs

Supporting a groomer (majora), by reblogging their "ask for help". /srs

Supporting her partner (or at least, being an accomplice, in the best of cases) in the harassment towards Sawyer. /srs

Supporting her partner (or at least, being an accomplice, in the best of cases) in the supporting of criminals and covering up crimes. Rape and grooming minors in the internet are crimes for a reason. /srs

Keeping in mind all of these situations have actual evidence, it's understandable that a certain group of people (all the people who interact with this blog), gets worried by how awful the actions of a popular person in the queer/furry community are. That's why we're so vigilant. We don't know if there are more awful things Salem wants to support, we don't know if there are more awful people Salem actively associates with. We don't know, but we prefer to remain vigilant so we can call them out too as soon as possible. /gen

No one in this blog has criticized other queer artists as long as they behave well. And by "behaving well", I mean not supporting rapists, abusers, harassers and groomers. You know. The bare minimum a human being can do. /srs

Also, this isn't about people's sexual desires. This is about no longer supporting non tolerating real-life people's real-life and online awful behavior. /gen

.

[annamariehamilton-unofficial]

Random Ghoulposting: A Gay Ghoul?!? Followup, part I

So, my little "No gay ghouls? hold my coffee" joke post seems to have gone a bit viral, which I was not at all expecting; anyway, I just wanted to post a little followup with some of my personal thoughts and theories apropos of Tokyo Ghoul and the lgbt community. I wouldn't consider myself to be queer, but I do know a bunch of people in that community, so, idk, hopefully this is insightful.

Obviously you are welcome to disagree with me, this is just my specific interpretation.

The Fandom

As I've deep-dove into the TG fandom in the last few months, I've discovered this really interesting paradox in that Sui Ishida, the author, has a really unfortunate tendency to rely on negative stereotypes and tropes for his characterization of queer characters. And yet, at the same time, TG seems to deeply resonate with (some) members of the lgbtq community because its themes of being an outsider in greater society and the importance of learning to accept those who are different from you. Like I don't think I've ever seen a work be both so riddled with homophobic/transphobic stereotypes and also so beloved by people in the queer community (at least so far as I can tell on Tumblr, which is, admittedly, a microcosm).

A couple of reasons for this, I think. For one, I've noticed a lot of queer people really resonate with horror and fantasy. And not just queer people -- people of any minority/marginalized identity, really. But it is a pretty pronounced trend among queer folks as far as I've seen. Fantasy and horror are this really great venue for exploring feelings of alienation and "otherness" in ways that can honestly feel more authentic expressed with "unreal" elements than in a more strictly realist fashion. Like instead of it being like, "ok, here's this gay/black/disabled/autistic/whatever character, you're supposed to relate to them because you share an identity," it's more like, all right, this character is a werewolf/vampire/ghoul/whatever, and this story shows viscerally how it FEELS to be "other," and THAT is what makes it relatable.

So, even though TG does have some homophobic aspects to it, the premise, of a group of people who are marginalized by society for something that isn't even their choice, but who are still shown to be complex *people* just as much as the human characters, would really resonate with anyone from any marginalized background, queer people included.

(I mean, I'm an Autistic somewhat-acespec Christian girl with anxiety and a certain amount of religious trauma who has a special interest in dark fantasy and classic literature, and TG hits me RIGHT in the identity-specific feels, so I can see how it would for others too).

The other thing is that, even though Ishida relies pretty heavily on problematic queer villainy tropes, I think he does just good enough of a job of giving all of his characters some shred of humanity or relatability, that ... well, I won't say that it's *okay*, because it's still not, but I think readers like myself are a bit more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Like yes, Nico is kind of a walking toxic gay stereotype. But let's also not forget that he stood up to an *extremely* physically and emotionally abusive partner to try to protect Kaneki and two other innocent victims, just because he thought it was the right thing to do. Tsukiyama also falls into the predatory gay man stereotype, at least at first, but he was just so enjoyable and fun (and, despite all his weird cannibal obsessiveness, he did seem to genuinely *like* Kaneki as a person) that he became a fan-favorite even when he was still the stereotypical queer villain of the week. Ishida also gave him something of a series-long redemption arc, turning him into a complex and lovable character who is, still, a fan favorite. Uta is a legitimately cool and nice guy, even if he does do some *very* morally questionable things with the Clown Masks later on. Even Jason is a monster plain and simple, but he became that way because he himself was abused, and his reminisces about his mother remind us that even the worst people still have someone they love.

I haven't read all the way through :re yet, and the negative queer tropes apparently get even worse there ... Mutsuki's descent into mental illness and jealous rage plays into a number of uncomfortable transphobic and misogynistic tropes, but I guess it sort of makes sense in the context of their past and struggles with mental illness, and the themes of the story with the relationship between trauma and moral decay. And prior to that really unfortunate arc, Mutsuki was genuinely a super cool character. Matsuri Washuu's profession of love to Urie was ... real weird, and the way he did it was gratuitous ... but you do kind of feel bad for the guy for being basically forced into marrying a woman he isn't attracted to for the family honor.

Then, of course, you have all the characters who aren't canonically queer, but are so relatable in more positive ways for queer folks that many fans headcanon them to be queer. Hide's unconditional love and devotion for Kaneki comes to mind. Or Hsiao and Saiko coming across as being queer but in a good/cool way. Or Juuzo's ambiguous gender expression, and Juuzo being completely unhinged but also one of the most well-loved characters in the series.

So I guess what I'm saying is ... yeah, the portrayal of queer characters in TG is problematic, and I don't mean to be defending it, exactly, but I guess what I'm saying is that even when the author is being awful with the tropes, he's still somehow able to write characters who feel human enough to occasionally transcend those tropey boxes he pushes them into.

I will also note that most of the queer or queer-ish characters are still alive in the final chapter. So, of all of the terrible tropes TG engages in with its queer characters, at least "bury your gays" isn't one of them.

IDK just my thoughts. I'll be posting another follow-up with some of my in-universe headcanons later on, I think.

[queercodedangel]

Cishets doing Gender Theory be like

"The gender stereotyping enterprise cannot tolerate the idea that when two people—straight, queer, or anything in between—bring their eccentric personalities, motivations, and histories of traumatization into an intimate encounter, things are likely to get messy. Instead, it insists that gender differences explain why our attempts to relate to one another can be so convoluted, why even our most devoted loves can be so fragile. Essentially, it tries to neutralize love’s power to ravage us by turning it into yet another rational endeavor; it offers a reassuring illusion of control over love’s illogical passions. Yet a moment’s reflection should reveal that this is a moronic way of going about relating, for obsessing about gender differences covers over the idiosyncratic doubts, desires, anxieties, insecurities, and aspirations of others, thereby making it all the more difficult for us to build meaningful relationships with them; it causes us to assume that we understand others when in reality we don’t."

- Mari Ruti, Penis Envy and Other Bad Feelings

[chevelleneech]

Was going to watch The Amp Theory’s reaction to the Are You Sure? trailer, and had to click away.

I’m not going to complain about whatever they said about not shipping, because I don’t know what they said and that is not a problem for me. Shipping is fun and doesn’t really mean much if you’re someone sane, but I don’t like their comment section being filled with people praising them for “shutting shippers down”.

It tells me they chose not to entertain the thought, and that’s fine too, but this fandom overall is full of hypocrites and liars. People who pretend to agree that all shipping is bad, yet will secretly ship their faves or believe every heterosexual dating rumor that pops up. That’s what I dislike.

I dislike reactors who cater to that crowd, because it’s disingenuous. Not saying the guys over at Amp Theory ship in secret or anything, as they have a ton of kpop content on their channel and likely have zero time to care. But, if their comment section is anything to go off of, their views likely align with the idea that Jimin and JK aren’t dating simply because. No real reason, because reactors who claim to be against shipping (in this fandom specifically) only do so for as far as heteronormativity exists.

Not enough people in this fandom are willing to use gender neutral pronouns when talking about the group’s gender neutral lyrics. Not enough people in this fandom use he/him pronouns when talking about lyrics written by the members themselves that insinuate they have been in relationships with men. Not enough people in this fandom are even willing to acknowledge things said in interviews that insinuate the members have already been through their coming out stages in their personal lives. So why is it that inner band shipping is so often made out to be a joke or something a reactor refuses to engage with, when they do it already? They already believe all seven members like women, so what’s stopping them from thinking they like men too?

Again, I don’t know what was said, and I’m not complaining about them choosing to make it known they won’t tolerate ship discussions. But I always think of it like this, if shipping is disgusting to you or something you will never talk about, what would you do if the members being shipped actually turn out to be queer? Or in a relationship with one another?

It is obviously a hypothetical, because we’ll likely never know if any of them are queer outside of our assumptions. Based on many things, yes, but still there is no confirmation technically… kind of.

Point is, no one has to react to ship content. No one has to talk about ships if they don’t want to, but imagine spending years curating a BTS centric channel, and not once thinking about who they might be outside of their public images.

Imagine claiming to be a fan who supports them no matter what, yet the second you react to a video where two members who are often the target of hateful rhetoric are hanging out and having fun, and the entire aspect of their dynamic is almost completely rooted in their bond being much more couple-like than any of their friends, yet you choose to say, “We won’t entertain ship talk, because it’s not real no matter what.” (Again, not what the guys of Amp Theory said, I’m referring to reactors as a whole, because they aren’t the only ones.)

Reactors want attention, it’s how they make their money, I get it, but the members are in fact real people. They will not always match up to our expectations of them. Meaning, maybe they aren’t queer and we’re all just misunderstanding things. I doubt that though, and it truly irks me to my core that people will entertain just about anything except queerness. They will react to damn near whatever video is available to them that allows them to milk BTS for views, and Army will eat that shit right on up, making these channels huge, but the second any of them ask about or choose to watch Jikook content specifically, they have to either disclaim not believing JM and JK could have feelings for each other, or they ignore it entirely.

Then if Jikook antis are loud enough, they apologize and react to every other pairing a million times and Jikook never again. Because Jikookers are often painted as the worst within the fandom, because this fandom has a hard-on for Tkk. Which I would argue is because they’re not as questionable in their actions, so the reactors themselves don’t end up feeling any type of way, and they get to benefit off of the views.

Anyway. I was hoping to see more reactions to the trailer and I wish I hadn’t read their comments first, but I did so it is what it is.

[andacherrycoke]

do you think interpreting things with a shipper lens is only ok if the ship is going canon? it’s like you only liked buddie because you thought it might go canon someday, and now that it’s not you just disavow all your previous feelings about it, like there was never anything there. i know this sounds combative and i’m honestly not trying to be, i just really don’t get your perspective sometimes.

Of course not. I’m gonna try to explain all my complicated thoughts and feelings on this. It’s probably going to get long and unwieldy, and I’ll probably inevitably skip around and/or be redundant, and I’ll likely overshare. So brace yourself.

The quick and dirty answer? Of course it’s ok to interpret things with a shipper lens regardless of canon. I have ships that were not and never had a chance of being canon, and varying degrees of feelings on that depending on the source material. My issue is not people interpreting things with a buddie lens, it’s the way that, even before bucktommy came around a big swath of the buddie fandom has always been extremely hostile towards anyone that interpreted anything differently, or just didn’t believe hard enough in buddie canon.

I definitely did not like buddie because of its canon potential. I’ve shipped buddie at least in a lowkey way since Eddie Diaz showed up on my screen

And then actually joined the fandom after the shooting. And the thing was, before I joined the fandom, I had no expectations that buddie would ever be canon, and I shipped it anyway.

But then joining the fandom, especially post 4.14, I started seeing so much talk about slow burns and comparisons to Bones and Castle (shows I had not watched at that point in time) and long, well-written, highly convincing meta all telling me what I wanted to hear: that Buck and Eddie were in love, not just in fanfiction and daydreams, but on the show, and it was just a matter of time before it happened.

Now, this is not me trying to blame the fandom for convincing me. I let myself be convinced. This was 2021, the pandemic was still raging—in fact that summer my dad got covid and was very sick, as well as other things happening in my personal life that had me in a very bad place, but buddie, and the idea of both this ship I love becoming canon and queer people actually getting the kind of slowburn network television love story we have been denied at nearly every turn was the thing I clung to. Is that healthy? Of course not. But it’s what I did.

And, from that point on, it clouded the way I saw everything on the show. It didn’t matter what was going on with Buck or Eddie, someone on tumblr would always have a way to spin it to explain how actually it’s just more proof and another step towards buddie canon! The fandom accepted narrative would be set up, “buddie canon in 5.01” “buddie canon in 5.04” “they’ll have to talk about the shooting and the will after 5.06!” And so on and so forth. Which to be clear! Is normal. I’m not going to pretend like making theories and having hopes is weird or bad because of course it’s not.

But again, this is where the toxicity that is rampant would come to play. If anyone voiced any kind of dissent to whatever the popular narrative was, well they just didn’t have media literacy. They don’t understand long form storytelling. They just want to be a hater, a negative Nancy.

And well, I have media literacy! I understand long form storytelling! I didn’t want to be a hater or a negative Nancy! So when doubts crept in I’d just read more meta. If I read enough I’d be back on that buddie canon 2k21234 wagon soon enough, because, to be fair, once upon a time believing in buddie canon did make a lot of sense. The well, the shooting, the will, Buck breaking down Eddie’s door, fucking couch theory which I will remind some bucktommy fans that shit on it now as being a ridiculous fandom thing, was a real thing based both on Buck’s ideas in canon and based on interviews with Oliver and Kristen Reidel. Buddie canon was easy to believe back then because it really did seem like what the show was selling.

But then, season 5 ends with no Eddie sexuality arc. 6a sees Buck and Eddie largely doing their own things and not really having anything particularly noteworthy to go on.

6b hits and we get the lightning strike. We finally get Eddie’s version of the well collapse. We get, “Do more!” And it’s great

And then Eddie isn’t even in the coma dream.

And the fandom spins it, of course, “absence is presence” and all that. And then we get the poker episode which is incredible! We’re so back and all that!

Followed by. Well, the rest of 6b.

And the thing is…that’s when it all really kind of started to crumble for me. Not my love for buddie, but the idea that for me it would ever be canon. I kind of turned around on that with the lead up to season 7, because we could all tell something was going to happen, and we were getting interviews where Ryan was saying shit like “this goes beyond friendship, I love you to the core.” Of course the potential for buddie canon was something to get excited about again! Even once the rumors that Tommy was returning to incite Buck’s discovery of bisexuality, well! That just felt like even more of a confirmation that buddie would eventually be canon, right?

And then it actually happened. And, for the first time, I actually really, really liked one of their relationships. And that was fine, because I’ve always been a multishipper, so I’ll just ship both!

Except, as we all know, that shit didn’t go over well in the fandom. I’ll not rehash the next few months because we were all there, we all remember.

But the results were that I took a big step away from buddie. At the time, I still loved it, even still thought it was probably going to be canon. But I stopped interacting with buddie content almost entirely, with the exception of a small handful of trusted buddie and multishipper mutuals that hadn’t decided to become raging homophobes or harassers. But otherwise? I couldn’t bring myself to interact with things when for all I knew I could be interacting with the people that were saying godawful things to me and my friends.

And stepping away from it meant I started to look at it differently. I’d always been able to look at things for myself, but I won’t pretend other peoples’ opinions didn’t influence me. So not seeing it anymore? Coupled with the fact that there was something else I actually saw as a viable, non buddie path forward for the show? Yeah, I stopped believing in buddie canon, and then slowly lost interest in buddie as a ship.

But it wasn’t actually because I didn’t believe in it becoming canon anymore. It was because I wasn’t immersing myself in it anymore. It was because there was something else I was actually happy with. It was because I looked at the things Ryan was saying, about examining seeing men being vulnerable with each other and thinking that must mean they’re gay, and I took that into Buck and Eddie scenes and started questioning if that’s what I was doing. I started to see the friendship more than I could see a romance.

I haven’t rewatched the show since before season 7, but if I rewatched it now I think I would still see what I used to see but also see what I see now. So I’m not disavowing anything or acting like there was never anything there. I doubt now that the intention to make it canon was ever there, but not that there wasn’t chemistry, or the makings of a good ship.

So ultimately it’s not that I stopped being interested in buddie because I stopped thinking it would become canon, it’s just that both things happened around the same time and with some of the same causation. But one did not happen because of the other.

Editing to add: I brought up the Bones and Castle comparisons early on this and then never circled back around to it, so I’ll say on that subject that I have since watched both shows, and I think the fact that so much of this fandom swears up and down that buddie is a slowburn just like those shows is…flabbergasting and misguided. From moment one of both shows you know those two couples are inevitable, because they’re the male and female leads and that’s what shows like that do. And sure, you can argue that it’s not fair for me to say that because I watched both after they ended when I already knew they get together, but in that case I’ll point you to High Potential, a show very much in the vein of those two shows. I have exactly zero doubts that, unless it gets the axe with no warning, Morgan and Karadec will end up together. Because it’s the formula. That…is not Buck and Eddie even if they do end up canon. If they actually made it canon? The more fair comparison to make would be Chenford on the Rookie, in my opinion.

[dailyanarchistposts]

How do anarchists define “identity politics”?

dot

I define identity politics mostly negatively—ie, I think that most people who use identity to mean something, tend to drastically simplify and over-generalize what it means in a person’s (and/or a people’s) life (whatever “it” might be—usually race, class, sex, sexual preference, physical ability, etc). So I get very wary when people talk about identity. Also I think people talk about identity (or use identity-coded language) as a way to identify themselves and each other as belonging to a particular group (we are the people who use these words and by doing so indicate that we care about the following things in the correct manner...)

That said, I do think that socially created/understood markers do mean something. I do think that being poor, rich, paraplegic, queer, able-bodied, brown-haired, balding (etc) means *some*thing. I just don’t think that people know what it means, or have figured out a good way to think about what it means, much less to talk about what it means.

enk

Answers to this question will be determined by what anarchists mean by “politics” which is a weighty question unto itself. Some answers to that have been attempted on this site. To focus on the identity portion of the term: Like dot, I tend to use the phrase as shorthand for certain unfavorable approaches. These approaches tend to focus on a particular identity group to the (near) exclusion of other subjects for analysis, theory, and practice. The epitome of identity political analysis views a specific form of oppression as the main oppression from which all others stem. It then becomes hard to arrive at coherent analysis of other forms of oppression. Even much of economic analysis can turn into identity politics in the form of fetishization of workers.

Of course, identity is important. First of all because it is socially enforced. Second because it is often internalized. For the foreseeable future people will continue to distinguish themselves based on all sorts of identity components, and our social experience will thus be informed by vast categories of wildly diverse individuals. There is useful information to be gleaned from the theorization about different identity groups to which people assign themselves or are assigned by others. There are tens of thousands of years of history based on identity concepts like Woman or Slave or Deviant. Even if it is desirable to move away from using such stock categories for the individuals that compose society, these concepts are highly embedded in the culture and are therefore important touchstones in any good analysis.

It is when we submit to essentialist thinking about these groups that we limit the potential for our own identity-creation. For my whole life I have taken it for granted that because I have certain sex characteris-tics, I am a man. Everyone I have ever encountered has treated me like a man (or boy), and yet there has always been some nagging doubt. It is only recently that I am able to express that, though I am easily categorizable biologically, that I have no affinity to any gender identity. Though I now understand this, I am still stuck in a society that wants to pigeon-hole me in the male gender. This is just as disconcerting coming from leftist feminists as from aggressive men.

So as an alternative to the extremes of identity politics and attempted identity-blindness I try to understand peoples’ own self-identity constructions.

To clarify a bit, I find that identity discourse is often interesting and worthwhile. As an example; I know a twin who has developed their own unique discourse about the prejudices and stereotypes of “singlets” toward “multiples”. They have actually been asked such things as “How do you know which one you are?”!

It’s the subsumation of all other discourses about oppressive behavior to one particular identity discourse that I would disdainfully call “identity politics”.

[manic-pixie-aquarius]

Rambling about other potential queer pairings in ST

Ronance would be soooo good and make so much sense because Nancy and Robin are both so intelligent, I mean practically on the same level. Steve we know is looks>brains love him to death but it's true. and Jonathan is smart but more creative minded, or, right brained instead of left brained. I love both Jonathan and Steve ofc but neither one of them really gives Nancy what she needs/deserves... (DON't HATE ME- I still have faith in Jancy!! I'm just saying!!) but Robin is like so in tune with understanding other people I feel like. And nobody understands a woman better than another woman. And they'd be so cute guys😭

Well, initially I had doubt about Ronance even being a possibility, and then now being reminded of the 'people might be mad at us this season' quote.. people already have been complaining that 'Will is taking Mike away from El!' or whatever, and that 'there can't be that many gay characters in stranger things, there's already two' and I did have that latter thought for a whiiiile until the queercoding of Mike became even more evident. But now i'm thinking...this is the final season, there's gonna be massive viewership for this finale, it's gonna consist of casual fans and dedicated fans (like us on tumblr) alike, so what's there to lose? And typically a lot of shows with gay characters choose to have the gay couple come together in the final season to avoid having their show ridiculed or cancelled before they finish telling the story. So maybe we could get Ronance and Byler. Or maybe i'm being too optimistic, but i've seen the light with the theories on Rovickie being an essential "queerbait" plotline.

Either way, I still vehemently believe that either Steve or Jonathan could be ☠️ this season. SORRY! So that really affects a lot.

Or maybe we seem like we're getting another Steve/Nancy/Jonathan love triangle, just for them to all turn out friends? (along w Robin) Since there was that interview with Maya about centering friendships and how she feels unsure about Robin dating Vickie.

Personally, every so often I do have the thought... what if they just made everyone gay? That would piss people off for sure. Especially the crowd that's like 'there weren't that many gay people back then' or 'there would only be one gay person per small town'. Genuinely a LOT of the characters scream queer coded to me. Max and Eddie are no-brainers for me. Some less obvious choices would be Lucas or Steve, but I still feel like they could be bi or something. Nancy and her friendship with Barb, also queer coded. Some have pointed out the possibility of Jonathan + Steve, though that would be cool, I don't see it happening, haha. But honestly all the Byers give me queer vibes (including El, the girl who has to be hidden away).

Regardless, it will be so cool to have this Finale air in 2025 when politics are so against the queer community, and to have the main character be a gay man and the main couple be a gay couple, that's just so significant and impactful!

[ingravinoveritas]

hi again! you might already know about this, but i really felt like bringing it up to you!

turns out michael's mom is pretty active on twitter and these past few days she's been engaging nonstop with tweets talking about aziracrow being in love. she's definitelymichael's #1 fan, but i couldn't help noticing the amount of not-about-characters stuff she seems to engage with too. Among tweets talking about Aziraphale's loving stare, queer fans making our usual queer jokes and remarks about them, michael reading fanfiction, miles maitland gifs, there's a good amount of... this. She surely has liked random stuff among the 14.6k rts/likes she has, so i'm attatching some examples of what she's been liking and rting because-- what the hell (i even spotted one of your tweets in the mix!) she even liked a tweet calling AL and GT innefable wives ??

my first thought was how embarrased i'd personally be if my mom was seeing comments online about me and my best buddy being madly in love, let alone engaging with them, but after it settled i'm just... in awe that this probably +70 y/o woman is being this supportive over social media 😭 so heart warming (btw i'm sorry for randomly popping up into your questions twice today- i have literally made this account after finding yours, feeling a bit less alone in the world)

(Grouping these two Asks together since they are related.) Ask #1: Hi there! No need at all to apologize for being in my inbox twice in same day. I'm so glad that my blog has been helpful and meaningful to you, and that you felt compelled to write in as a result. Welcome aboard!

So, Mama Sheen. She's been doing this for years--at least since 2019, when I first started following Michael on Twitter--but I will tell you my slightly crackpot theory, which is that for a while back in the day, I thought that maybe her account was actually Michael's secret alt account. (What better place to hide than in plain sight, after all...). I'm not so sure about that now, of course, but it's been really interesting to see her retweeting so much shippy stuff involving Michael and David, and as both you and @tamose pointed out, she especially seems to have ramped it up since GO 2 came out.

I also wanted to touch on you describing Mama Sheen as Michael's #1 fan, because although I wholeheartedly agree, it's a curious thing to me that we can more easily see her as Michael's number one fan than his own girlfriend. It's Mama Sheen--not AL--who has been retweeting all of this, who's been cheering him on, engaging with fan content, and retweeting all things Ineffable Husbands/GO 2. I've written on my blog previously about how I've never really seen AL be supportive of him (and how she spent much of 2020 and 2021 making fun of his appearance/fat-shaming him), as well as how she is not at all part of that polyamorous/throuple dynamic with Michael, David, and Georgia. And while I know the lack of engagement and carefully calculated interactions/posts could be chalked up to her not being able to promote the show due to the SAG strike, that doesn't really excuse her tepid support of Michael himself.

(Also, don't even get me started on the cringeyness of Georgia and AL as Ineffable Wives, not to mention how insulting it is to David and Michael personally and to their work as professionals to suggest that they are replaceable/that Georgia and AL (or anyone else) could play Aziraphale and Crowley and give us the same dynamic and chemistry we saw on screen...)

But yes, going back to Mama Sheen, I have long thought that she seems to ship Michael and David, and how sweet and heartwarming it would be if Michael brought David over for tea or dinner--especially because his own mother passed away several years ago--and no doubt Mama Sheen would dote on him and make sure he's fed and happy. It's especially interesting to contemplate when we see this picture from the Bright Young Things UK premiere in 2003, which almost looks like Mama (and Papa) Sheen posing with Michael and his kilt-wearing Scottish boyfriend:

Beautiful. Well, it's certainly something delightful to think about, at any rate. Whatever the case may be, I fully agree that it is lovely to see Michael's mom being so supportive and accepting of her son, particularly in the midst of such a hostile, anti-LGBTQ climate in the UK. We love you, Mama Sheen! ❤️