#working with ADHD

[meow-iv]

the adhd symptom which perhaps negatively impacts my ability to work the most is rejection sensitivity. Like I can set up strict schedules, organize my workspace, use timers, etc to manage my other focus-based symptoms.

But when someone critiques my work in a harsh way, I want to quit my job and die in a hole. Suddenly I hate my work and my company and everything is pointless and doomed.

I don't know what to do about this, except for cbt style talking myself off the ledge, but even then, I still feel unmotivated and bad about myself. And it lasts for a few days, depending on the severity of the "rejection".

[ambre-gris]

my boss says no when i suggest learning coding as a part of my self-development plan (i guess it's about me having difficulties completing projects rather than the topic itself)...

so i code at night, trying to find ways to make my favourite stardew valley mods work with one another. lol. i work with system to system integrations at work and this is like how to make mod x talk to mod y and jive with the game. it's fun because you also get to test it! at work you confirm whether stuff is being received and read into the receiving system correctly, then leave it the hell alone until something goes wrong.

woke up with a slight case of tachycardia tho (heart rate was pretty close to 100, yikes). but that was due to a wizard event sneaking into my dreams :D i officially love jellonip's romanceable rasmodius redux + revamp mod xD i started a new farm just to explore it fully and did not install the 1.6 update in order to not lose focus (wow, foresight and long-term planning applied, thanks meds).

word >.> i feel like i need to investigate this portraid mod too, there are some hiccups that i feel are not intentional. these random hair colour changes are kinda cute, tho. cannot contain the fuzzy feelings -> randomly changing appearance. makes sense imho.

mild-mannered system specialist by day, code monkey afflicted with wizard-moe by night - sounds about right when it comes to the story of my life xD k, back to the desk!

[enetarch-working-w-adhd]

Suceeding w Adult ADHD

While reading the book, I marked various paragraphs of interest and made several notes in the margins. Where I'm quoting the author, I will put those comments in quotes. My comments will follow.

Page 18 .. "Every day, all of us encouter and engage in hundreds, if not thousands, of events, small and large. And, every day we have a choice as to how we are going to interpret each of those events. How we choose to think about these events impacts whether we feel positively or negatively toward ourselves and others."

This is a classic DSM mistake most therapists make about ADHD, that Dr. Barkley talks about in his video "30 things you need to know about ADHD", available on YouTube. The mistake, is that the author ignores how these events trigger an emotional response. The reason why the DSM doesn't like the emotional classification with ADHD is that you can't quantify an emotion .. Happy, Sad, Upset, Extatic .. But, you can quantify 3 specific types of emotional responses .. positive, neutral, and negative .. When therapists and authors ignore these 3 emotional responses to events, tasks, inner monologue, thoughts, and memories, they create extremely long winded explanations on why ADHDrs do things they do, and provide NT based tips and tricks - which are next to useless.

So, again positive, neutral, negative emotional responses to events .. (+), (o), and (-) .. respectively. ADHDrs emotional states swing per event. An external event can kick an ADHDr into a positive mood or negative mood. I will demonstrate this repeatedly as I discuss the various topics she brings up.

Page 20 .. "Thinking errors of ADHDrs". I'm not going to go into the errors here, but I'm going to use them as an example of to describe ADHD Negative Thought Storms. ADHDrs ignore the good things that occur to them, and focus on "things that are going wrong or are negative about a given situation rather than what is right or going well." The Negative (-) Thought Storm arises when a negative (-) event happens, and triggers negative thoughts, memories, and inner monologue. ADHDrs not trained to recognize this event, are also not trained how to exit it, by using 1 single positive (+) external event. Thus, the other 6 categories described on page 21 and 22 are must manifestations of a Negative (-) Thought Storm.

Page 23 .. "Now that you have gained some awareness and insight into your destructie thought patterns, it's important that you learn how to challenge or reframe them. Remember, positive thoughts leads to positive feelings, positive behavior, …" Again, the author neglects to show how a physical external event triggers the positive thoughts, feelings, inner monologue, and memories.

Page 50 .. Increasing your Motivation .. "Because we know the adult ADHD brain will seek out and work toward immediate rewards (and avoid immediate penalties), this idea should be used to help individuals power through less stimulating or emotionally challenging taks that will ultimately help them reach their goals."

Let me describe a better way to motivate an ADHDr. Every taks you have to do, is an event. Every time you think about it, it's an event. Does it cause a positive (+), neutral (o), or negative (-) emotional response. Another way you can figure this out is to draw an emoji (smiley face). Or, select one from your phones keyboard of emojis. Does the emoji represent a happy, sad, or neutral character. If it's a happy character, do the task. If it's a sad character, do the task later. it's that simple.

Now, how do you motivate someone to do a hard task that makes them emotionally sad or triggers negative (-) emotional response .. find ways to make the task generate positive (+) emotional responses. This may mean you need to reframe the task. Or, you need to invite someone over to help with the task. Or, maybe you need to do a bunch of smaller positive (+) tasks to get into a "Can Do!" attitude. These are just 3 ways to generative motivation, that actually work for ADHDrs.

Page 96 .. The author suggests creating a list of your daily routine with average times to complete each part of the routine. This is a good idea as long as it generates positive (+) emotional responses. I would extend this idea further to doing a specific task where people routinely ask you .. "So, how long will that take?" If you time how long it takes you to do something, you will be able to answer confidently, vs shrugging and trying to guesstimate your answer on sketchy knowledge of your past work habits.

In addition to using a tasks list, I would include a circle for an emoji per task. If you want to know how to you feel about doing a task, draw the emoji. Boogie boards or electronic note pads are great for this, because you can erase the emoji and redarw it, each time you see the task.

Page 100 .. do not break your day into 15 min or hourly segments, instead give yourself 10 to 15 spots for appointments on a sheet of paper for that particular day. The reason why, is ADHDrs with OCD will constantly fiddle with the calendar defeating the purpose of the calendar, which is to remind you of appointments. This will require you to build your own paper calendar, and I recommend using a 3 ring binder and self designed sheets that suite your purpose. (maybe some day I'll publish all of my templates.)

Again, in your calendar, only write down the appointments you have for that day, and any Todo's you need to get done. I also create a seperate sheet for all the Todo's that I have to do, so that if I have free time, or am board, or just want to remember something, it gets put there.

Page 111 .. Chapter 6 - Enhancing Social Relationships .. I have no notes on this chapter, but I'm going to say this in general .. What works for an ADHDr, works for NTs as well. If you like positive events, so do NTs. If you generate positive events for an NT, you will have a good relationship with an NT. The converse it true as well. If an NT is annoying you (negative event) you won't want to be around them anymore.

Page 122 .. Better Communication Skills .. here is my motto for speaking to people, "5 Words or Less!" Communicate what you want to say in 5 words or less. Or, be as brief as you can.

Something else that popped up while writing this is .. "You don't have to tell someone the whole truth!" What this means is that while there is a whole story to be told about a true event, you only need to tell the person what they need to know about that true event.

Page 135 .. Chapter 7 - Organize Your Space .. Let me just say .. out of site, out of mind. If you can use clear pastic containers to organize everything into, and elfa shelving to store it on. (This is an OCD Hack) And, use glass cupboard doors in your kitchen! Things can't hide that easily when you can see them.

The other thing i will say about this chapter is that ADHDrs have projects. So, keeping various projects in containers will help you remember what you were doing, and where you were in doing it. I have shelves with labeled 3 ring binders displaying all the projects I'm working on. As I have a thought or idea, I take a sheet of paper, write down the idea and put it in the binder. When the binder is full, it's time to write a book.

Note, this concept can also be applied to email and blogs. Do you find yourself finding wonderful articles that, if saved, would enhance something you're working on. Send it to yourself in an email and later store it in a folder, or post it to a blog. Not only does the blog save it, but others can see your progress and comment on it.

Page 157 .. Chapter 8 - Effective Study Skills .. The material is good here, there are a few things I would add, and an entire subject that I would like the author to research. The first thing that I would add is to use a 3 ring binder to write down topics. While ADHDrs lack skills to know how to capture class notes and study properly, creating their own book on the subject is actually a helpful way for them to capture what is important in the class and study. Each topic would be written like an article that focuses on a specific aspect of the instruction and how the ADHDr would have taught the it. This does a lot of simple things really fast .. but most importantly .. it helps the ADHD see where their gaps in understanding are. If they can't explain the topic, they need to fill that gap to continue building knowledge on the topic.

The area that I would like the author to research and expound on is math. Not just simple addition and subtraction that is taught in K12 schools, but higher math in colleges for engineers, mathematicians, statisticians, and physicists. You see, Math is not processed in the same place that language is. In fact, where most ADHDrs get lots is when trying to memorize relationships between variables (equations). They can't see the same relationship when written with different variables, because the language center of their brain has stored the equation as a picture. If you think that's odd, you're not alone. But, language is processed as a picture not as individual letters. Look at the various type fonts you have access to, each font creates a new picture of the word. (FYI .. psychologists have proven both concepts are true .. language as pictures, and math and language are processed in different parts of the brain.) In fact, math is a guessing game of .. "Am I right?" .. the more times you get the math answer right, the more confident you become in using it as the answer. Does 1 + 1 = 2? Is 2 - 1 = 1? What about - 2 + 1 = -1? Are all these equations saying the same thing?

Remember, ADHDrs have to externalize everything. And, we work best when we are generating positive events (+). So, listen to music that makes you happy, watch a movie that makes you happy, and keep your professor on speed dial, or someone else who knows the subject matter who can help when you get stuck. Nothing will suck your time away faster than a negative event (-).

Page 187 .. Chapter 9 - Job Satisfaction .. I skipped this chapter. But I will impart some wisdom I've found concerning this subject. I do keep a blog on "Working with ADHD" after all. So, as mentioned above concerning friendships .. positive events (+) make for better working relationships. Negative events (-) will make you hate the job. There is a difference bewteen management and leadership. Managers track metrics.. training, productivity, performance, and quality .. Leaders follow the definition of leadership .. Guiding Intent w/Integrity .. (Mind you there are 1000's of styles of leadership ask described by this definition, not all are positive). A good leader and manager will use Project Management 101 .. Manage Expectations .. and the 2nd law of Project Management .. Mind the Gap! .. (I spoke about this earlier in the chapter concerning education.)

A good community is one that supports each other. A bad community is one where people are decisive. (Aka, they create constant tormoil and back stabbing between department and team members.)

Overall, I think the book provides a lot of good information. I just wish it were re-organized from the perspective of how positive (+), neutral (o), and negative (-) events cause respective emotional responses that cause you to seek out or avoid things. I also wish more ADHD coaches and therapists helped ADHDrs to look at life from this perspective as well. For me, I have started curating a constant stream of positive events. When a negative event crops up, I can easily catch it and push it out. When I get depressed .. lost in an ADHDrs Negative Thought Storm .. It has been hard, because I keep trying positive events (+) until I finally get out.

[mbrainspaz]

Your employee/contractor/business partner has ADHD so you

DO NOT SAY: "Sure you can have more time. Take as much time as you want! We're actually way ahead of schedule."

DO SAY: "Okay. You said you needed one day and that won't put us behind schedule. Can you get it done by close of business?"

[The first eliminates all sense of urgency, which the person with ADHD must have in order to get the work done. The second gives some leeway while also adding a fresh challenge—a race to a clearly visible finish line!]

NEVER SAY: "Here is your whole day's schedule with every minute accounted for. Make sure you stay on task or you'll be punished."

INSTEAD SAY: "Here is a list of tasks. Once you've finished them impress me by finding something else productive to do with your time."

[People with ADHD are creative problem solvers by nature and need a little room to go off the rails and build a random shelf or reorganize a storage room from time to time. It'll happen whether you want it to or not.]

SHOULD NOT SAY: "I trust you to get this done so I won't check on your progress for months at a time."

SHOULD SAY: "I will check daily/weekly that the tasks have been completed because they're that important to me/the business/the customers."

[Work that is never noticed or appreciated, however necessary or rewarding, will quickly start to feel like meaningless drudgery, leading workers with ADHD to cut corners, slack off, and lose interest.]

ABSOLUTELY NEVER EVER SAY OR IMPLY: "You should care/try/do less."

SAY: "Wow, you've been doing the work of 3 people and fixing problems I didn't even know we had? Here's a massive raise!"

[drumlincountry]

Why do they even make apps for ADHD. You want me to use my 24/7 handheld immediate distraction device? To manage my 'gets distracted too easily' disorder? Ooooh we developed the perfect tool for managing your anemia. Its hosted in Dracula's castle. 👍

[melissazpd]

The five tech tools I actually use every week to stay organized, manage ADHD, and juggle work, side hustles, and real life without burning out.

[dailydivergent]

There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

[359midnightburgers]

I need new focus/work music because if i listen to that one Celtic instrumental playlist I have been listening to for 3 months one more time I might puke.

Rec me instrumental music styles that are nice for focus! If you have a specific playlist, even better, because there's allegations of Spotify using AI to generate lofi stuff and I don't know enough about music to identify what is human and what is not.

[minjimunji]

Obligatory battle of the labyrinth kiss scene

Bonus:

[ambre-gris]

day 3 of being back at work. deadline tomorrow for an integration. lol, i hope the backend guys hurry up.

i'm kinda getting into the groove of things but also getting distracted and completing 5 minor tasks while trying to investigate an issue.... maybe it's the lack of sleep and playing stardew valley expanded (and working on some mods) to make up for lost alone time >.>

i just couldn't help it, the other night i finished the volcano dungeon and met lance! i have managed to hold off marrying the wizard bc i've been scoring hearts with lance and trying to finish the monster crop quest xD but the highlands are weirdly bugged for me, there are no monster spawns atm. hmm. well, things will surely be interesting this weekend xD i should pay more attention to ginger island and grind for golden walnuts, tho. i also made it to level 57 in the skull cavern, my personal record! 🤠

(btw: been also trying to take care of sleep issues by starting a 5-htp regime but no effects as of yet. even regular sleeping pills don't work for me, aside from zolpidem but no one likes to prescribe it anymore. it's a shame, if you were responsible and used it only for worst bouts of insomnia, it'd be great. it didn't give me a hangover due to the short half life and just made me sleepy. i didn't experience any euphoria/hallucinations that it's infamous for. i always half-jokingly say that i'd need horse meds for these issues.)

[enetarch-working-w-adhd]

Is mindset the key to living life without limits? Or is it something else?

As a Buddhist, ADHDr, and Scientist, I have been studying this question from a different perspective, Happiness and Trust, for example.

Many people claim that happiness is a perspective, but I have learned that it's not a perspective, it's a practice of curating positive external events.

Many people claim that trust is a perspective, but I have found that trust is built when people ask me for help, and I am able to help them within the bounds of their expectations.

You mentioned the practice of patience, which is taught in all Buddhist schools. We sit and meditate on matts and patiently wait for our perspectives to change. From one that wants what we want to one that is OK with what we have.

But all of these have a common theme to them, we are practicing a specific routine in order to build greater confidence in the process. With patience its meditation. With trust, it's asking others for help. With happiness, it's learning to curate positive events. With physics, it's learning strategies to answer difficult questions.

Even reframing a problem is a practice that takes time to learn and implement into ones life. I use reframing as an ADHD anger tool and a Rejection Sensitivity tool, which I took from my studies in Project Management and Psychology.

There is an equation for change, which states that people are more likely to change when the resistance to change is lower than the 1st concrete step to their goal can be articulated, they have a better vision of what their life could be like, and they are no longer satisfied with the status quo.

With this in mind, we can look at the two goals you had for yourself: Weight Loss, and Recovery from Injury. Both, of these goals, have a long term affect on the quality of your life, and as a fellow ADHDr, it drove your motivation to focus on them.

Long term goals, are not necessarily a perspective, but a vision of a better future for yourself and others. With project management, the goals were broken down into easy steps that needed to be repeated through time. Every time that you succeeded at completing these steps you were 1 step closer to attaining your goals. And, what kept motivating you was the vision of a better future, the support of friends watching you struggle and seeing you improve, creating happy events / dopamine hits, using the buddy system, talking about your struggles to build more support and empathy, …

In this end, I don't think mindset had a role in this, but what did is your faith in and confidence of your practices to improve. Now if you consider that mindset, then know that a casual causal relationship doesn't build confidence in ones ability to achieve a goal. There is no ground from which you can build a repeating routine that says you will be successful after completing it. However, practice of a routine that does have a cause and effect relationship doesn't necessarily require the mindset to be in place first. The mindset comes after evidence has been acquired that the routine is working.

Therefore, I submit that mindset is not a requirement to achieve success, but a bi-product of seeing your routines working successfully, seeing you slowly move towards your goals, and overcoming the obstacles one at a time, while remaining in a happy state of mind.

[wafflesrisa]

Reblogs appreciated to increase sample size!

[eridan-ampora]

i love it when characters are codependent. i love it when losing someone feels like losing a limb. i love it when two people "complete" each other so wholly and terribly that one can barely function without the other. i love it when the fear of losing the only person who understands them is so all-consuming they'll destroy anything to stay together, including themselves.

[grison-in-space]

this reminds me to ask. Hey, folks who get stuck with executive dysfunction, specifically movement initiation (like when you're trying to get up to, idk, get the ice cream you want for dessert)?

Can you do me a favor? Next time you're stuck, try wiggling your toes and then trying to Get Up To Do The Thing and tell me whether or not it helps?

I have some half assed ideas about why this might work revolving around the possibility of being able to use smaller motions to build up the dopaminergic tone in the striatum of the brain. That's a major structure involved in both motivation and movement, both of which dopamine interact powerfully with. And it does seem to be useful for me, at least. But I can't figure out if that's some internal belief thing on my end or something more generally applicable, and I would love some help figuring out if this is useful for other people.

[canisalbus]

i know we all wanna see vasco's ears flapping in the wind when he drives his beautiful yellow car but consider: he wears one of those wraps women from the 50s would wear when driving like this

get in losers we're breaking my boyfriend out of the Vatican

[lazylittledragon]

what if i broke all the bones in your legs actually