1-8oo-anarchy

[1-8oo-anarchy]

gorgeous dress for a gorgeous thing!!!

you’re so welcome!!

@1-8oo-anarchy got me such a gorgeous dress ;//; thank you aaaa

[1-8oo-anarchy]

[1-8oo-anarchy]

fuvk why sm i gettting foggy now?? i donnt wsnt thus. i dobt wsnt to br this rn! fyck! tgis is sll too mich. fuck this.

[1-8oo-anarchy]

father saw my scars. im in so much trouble. he wont evrn looj at me. hes msd. i csnt stop shakinf.

hrs goinh to trll mothrr and thst wkll be way worse. ii m so fuvkrd.

[1-8oo-anarchy]

i fucking hate it here. my parents keep misgendering me and making excuses and treating me like a fucking hysterical tranny. fuck off.

she said “yessir” to me and then immediately tried to grab my face. then got annoyed when i said “please stop calling me that” and proceeded to explain why she is allowed to call me that.

then my fuckhead father says “soon we won’t be able to say anything to you! we’ll just look at you” when i’ve only said anything about the misgendering once.

i want to rip my fucking veins open and bleed out in their living room. live up to their view of me, the hysterical delusional fucking tranny.

[1-8oo-anarchy]

i hope you do better. your posts make me feel seen but I hope you're okay (or be okay one day)

(ps: I'm not trying to be like a saviour or something I just wanna say that you help me sometimes when I'm sad and I'm too cow to actually message you privately)

thank you for saying this, i needed this today. please feel free to message me! i am so glad i help you sometimes <3 no need to be nervous, i promise <3

[1-8oo-anarchy]

spent an wntire fucking hour long therapy session crying and talking about stuff. i made my therapist cry 15 separate times. that’s gotta be a new record.

anyways. my birthgiver won’t stop stomping above my bed and i am getting a little shaky about it. going to be a long night. :)

[1-8oo-anarchy]

i hate this. i fucking hate this. they painted over it but it’s still here. he isn’t here but he is here. i see him. so fuvking much.

i see him in the wobble of the ceiling fan.

i see him in the way the closet door clicks on its track.

i see him when the bed frame smacks into the wall a little too hard.

i see him in the way the lovked door handle feels in my palm. feels smaller now, but it’s the same

i see him in the wall dents made with my skull years ago.

i see him in the mirror some nights.

i know he’s gone, but i swear to god i still see him.

[1-8oo-anarchy]

[1-8oo-anarchy]

Leigh Bardugo // Walker Percy

[1-8oo-anarchy]

Dorothea Lasky, from "Misunderstood," in Thunderbird

[1-8oo-anarchy]

Mary Oliver, from a poem titled "August," featured in White Pine: Poems & Prose Poems

[1-8oo-anarchy]

Imam Al-Ghazali // Tennessee Williams

[1-8oo-anarchy]

Elton Glaser, from a poem titled “And In The Afternoons I Botanized,” featured in Parnassus

[1-8oo-anarchy]

there is something so uniquely shitty about moving into the room of someone who really fucked you up. like. the walls are pink now, the bed is different and it’s been like a decade but this is still that fucking room.

and i live here now. i live here. with parents who seem like they are trying to be better but still misgender me, make fun of me and do stuff that annoys me for fun.

they feel the same. the room and my parents. the pink paint doesn’t cancel out what happened to me in here and the weird compliments over family dinners don’t cancel out the beatings or death threats or anything else.

they both ruined me. and they are both under the surface. waiting to strike again when i get too comfortable

[1-8oo-anarchy]

i wish i could just reach out and that i didn’t implode like this. i’m glad i kept it petty instead of lashing out but i still feel like shit. im sorry.

[1-8oo-anarchy]