2ammilkshakes-blog

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so the 1975 and arctic monkeys are both releasing an album this year and the neighbourhood just released an ep… 2013 grunge tumblr is making a comeback in 2018 

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3.21.18

there is something beautifully pretentious about the way I view myself in relativity to everything else

In what I lack in confidence, I gain in my self-perception that I am more than ordinary

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Call Me by Your Name (2017) dir. Luca Guadagnino

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― Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

“Please just let me keep this memory, just this one…”

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8.14.17

He left my life But there is no pain to feel As he walked out the door My heart shed the bulletproof vest My soul was liberated The weight on my chest ascended At this point it was confirmed He held me down I was light again And god do I shine now

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I thought that i was dreaming when you said you loved me

Frank Ocean - Blonde (hatin)

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game of listening

i would say i’m sorry i no longer have a reason to talk to you but that would be a lie.

small talk is a waste of breath, waste of space, waste of life

for so long i have given my energy freely and for even longer i have been left empty by those who give nothing for free

no longer will an apology fall from my lips if not earnestly in need

those i wish to talk to, truly and honestly talk to to bear my mind, my heart, and my soul will be those that wish to listen as much as talk

the bare truth is that i am tired i am tired of being your sounding board, your validator, your therapist

i wish to be my own person not a reflection of you

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8.11.17

is today the last

at first glance I recognize objects in the room 

that I could use to bring my sadness to a cease

it’s a nasty habit to see a medication and wonder

how many pills until peace

to see a knife and debate 

whether you would have the strength to cut deep enough

the smell of bleach makes my skin crawl

because I so vividly remember the taste as it went down just to come back up

I have seen my funeral

I can hear forced sympathies being choked out

as they stand on a pedestal for a god I don’t believe in

while people fight down their guilt 

for being relieved

but here I am alive and breathing

and maybe one day I’ll see the beauty in that

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I am clothed in flesh and filled with many insubstantial memories. Who am I, I ask again and again, drifting through life like a leaf upon the wind or am I the lily pad, or the flower itself? I am weighted down with bones and flowing with passing storms of emotions. Who am I, I ask again and again, staring at reflections in pools, wondering am I the pale moon or am I the golden sun, giving life, giving light, wondering who am I?

Who am I? ciel knight (via cielknight)

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3.13.17 (sonnet for bri)

loud music trembles through warm beating hearts,

with windows down strong breezes brush my hair,

parking lots run race tracks for shopping carts,

never thinking I could enjoy fresh air.

driving late at night formed deep profound love,

screaming laughter belts from romantic friends,

glasses glare reflecting bright lights above,

her midnight cruises seem to never end.

slushies taste better during A.M. hours,

ignoring smells that come from cigarettes,

getting home I’ll surely have to shower,

when looking back I shall have no regrets.

blowing oxygen forces me to sigh,

feelings like those will seldom ever die.

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I had my first cigarette today. On the balcony. When no one was home. Because I was freaking out. Sitting in the bathtub. So why not. The smoke was so calming.

Just so calming.

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7.23.17

the only fire that gleams in your eyes is the one from the end of the blunt

maybe you’d love me if my name was mary jane

the only high I can give you is when our lips touch

do you even feel it?

or do you only feel the nicotine

i’m afraid to let you spend the night

because I want you to reach for me in the middle of the night and not a cigarette

When there was smoke between our lips at the hookah bar

you wanted to taste the flavor of it more than you wanted to taste me

why do you not inhale me?

breath in my affection because i’m trying my fucking best

I can’t give you more then I am

that’s not a lot but you could try to pretend

it hurts that I am envious of a plant

did you know that i could kill you faster than drugs?

if death is what you want we can do it now

because every drag will end you slowly

and I refuse to watch it

I want to your addiction but I cannot make you want me

the smoke fills your head when my love cannot even reach your chest

i’m sorry i’m not enough

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I remember driving out of the city in the middle of the night with the Moon as my only companion. I was a living carcass of a love that was not meant to be and everything that failed to be complete. I remember driving endlessly, only to find myself atop a hill. The night was breezy and strangely peaceful. I did not know where I was, but it felt like I was still on track, like I had been found. I was all alone, all by myself without a shoulder to lean on, but I was not lonely. That was when I came to realize the beauty of solitude.

Lukas W. // The beauty of solitude (via somepiecesofmyheartandsoul)

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5.13.16

The thing about feelings is no matter how hard you try to hide or bury them, there will still always be that one person who can pull on the heartstrings you forgot you still had.

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9.26.16

So I went to a concert that reminded me of you,

There was a time we still have music too.

I think we still do, but maybe in spirit,

I was tired of waiting on you to finally hear it. 

I don't know what I could've done to make you choose me,

But after you my love is no longer free.

I would've offered you absolutely anything on earth,

but for the first time in a while I see my self worth. 

So please there anything in the universe for some other girl,

Because one day I'll be able to give someone the world.