2riskywhiskey

[2riskywhiskey]

“To be loved means I put the gun in your hand and point it at my heart. I do not blame you for pulling the trigger, I blame myself for thinking you were better than that.”

[2riskywhiskey]

In the depths of my sorrow, I find myself torn between love and fury. I miss the softness of her touch, the sweetness of her taste that once brought me so much joy. Yet, with every thought of her, anger wells up inside me, a reminder of the pain and chaos she left in her wake. My heart aches for her presence, even as it rages against the wounds she inflicted, caught in a relentless storm of love and resentment. In the quiet moments, I am consumed by the memory of her touch, the lingering taste of her kiss that haunts my every thought. My heart aches with a longing so profound, yet anger simmers beneath the surface, a constant reminder of the turmoil she brought into my life. I am caught in this cruel paradox, loving her with every fiber of my being while hating the chaos she left behind. The pain of missing her is only matched by the fury of knowing she is gone, leaving me stranded in a sea of sorrow and rage.

[2riskywhiskey]

Because of you

I double knot my shoe laces

Because of you.

I also double look in the mirror

Because of how you made me feel..

Just when I had finally started to get familiar with myself..

With the way I love;

With the way care so deeply;

With my own self confidence…

Even with the shape of my own face,

I had grown accustomed to my being..

And everything i had created in its name,

I had began to love even the things

I thought were unlovable.

But then I started double checking to make sure,

that the front door was locked

Before I laid my head on the pillow.

I did a second take when i knew i had forgotten

To take my shoes off at the front door;

and I double checked to make sure the stove was off like you had done twice before.

I tried to pick up a book because of you.

Only to remember the reason why I put them down in the first place.

Still I forced the words to straighten and I read page after page,

Until the migraine overwhelmed me..

Yet another book I thought I could read,

Only to get a few pages in and notice

That i could only get so far,

Before it had no choice but to advance its ending..

I don’t look in the mirror anymore..

out of fear I’ll have to face the girl I was

before I met you.

Again I began to tie my shoe laces once,

because I know stopping to tie them

when they always come undone

will pass the time I am dreading so deeply.

I don’t lock the door and I don’t check the stove,

Out of hope that maybe my bad luck

would choose to continue.

I walk around my house and I spread dirt like the lies that hurt me,

Out of hope cleaning the floors would give my aching mind something to do.

And I decided that next time I try to read a book,

I’ll pick a short and fictional story

Out of hope

that it doesn’t remind me of you.

-jlh

[2riskywhiskey]

Im fond of the memories we made;

Im convinced i know them well.

Every laugh every game,

Every little jab we’d make just to light a flame in each other

Getting the reaction of a friendly eye-roll,

And arguing back and forth about who loved the other the most.

Only sometimes it felt fake,

As if id have to pinch myself

And hope this was all a dream

And that i don’t love you and you dont love me..

Because i know in my head,

That inevitably your love for me

would come crashing

To a very bitter end.

And now that i look back

And i see your name at the very bottom of my phone

When our friends say your name

I try my best not to react

But deep down i flinch

in pain.

[2riskywhiskey]

And For Her

And For Her…

I would leave.

I would leave this

head full of doubt;

This head full of obsession;

This head full of lonely and controlling unforgiving thoughts;

I would leave it for the better.

I would pack it’s bags,

demand it never come back..

I would sign those papers and divorce the depression;

I would leave these disorders with nothing but a restraining order.

Because with her, I don’t have to fight for my endorphins;

I don’t have to spell “dopamine” three times to feel I deserve it;

And I don’t have to beg for mercy

For the girl I meet each day in the mirror;

I don’t have to pretend to be good at pretending.

And for her…

I would cut those strings,

Tied to this ring,

Woven in addictions and regret;

I would toss it in a lake somewhere,

And I would kill it inside of my head..

And I would forgive myself;

For every lash,

Every bruise,

Every scar,

I would apologize to that little girl,

For giving up on love,

Because she was given,

All the wrong love from the world.

And I will fight for her when she cannot fight for herself.

I will hold her hands,

And wipe her tears,

And tell her gently in her ear,

That there will never be a day…

That I will not be there for her.

-jlh

[2riskywhiskey]

I’ve been here before, ive walked down this road,

holding onto my heart

but it still explodes,

the memory of you wont let me go,

i try to hide my pain but it still shows

I try to feel your warmth in my cold bed,

I still see your smile inside of my head,

I cant let you go, even when i try my best

But what does it matter when now you’re only in my head

I know that i messed up

but being without you is fucking me up

Im begging you to stay,

I’m begging you not to give up on us

And so to a god I’ll never know,

I’ll will always pray

That my best will somehow be enough

That I don’t have to let go of the memory of us

We were there just you and I,

If only time stood still a while

Then I could always make you smile

Just like you did for me once upon a time

[2riskywhiskey]

sometimes i think about her…

only that might be a lie

because i think about her

more then birds think about the sky

i wait for her in my dreams

more then the man on the moon

waits for the night

and i crave her smile more then

addicts crave a high

I desire her touch on my skin as much as

A bee desires honey in it’s hive

And i cant seem to ignore

Just how much she overwhelms my mind

and if only she could see

Shes a story in my life

engraved into ancient cave walls

left to tell tales that last all of time

artifacts of the past

worth more then any price

Id write every book every word every line

to prove she is worth

The growth over time

that she is worth

learning from mistakes

But more importantly that I’ve learned

that I am also worth

Loving my self for even the things

I cant change

and even when I think about her

more then any other thing

She has given me the motivation

To do whatever it takes

to finally take care of me.

[2riskywhiskey]

romantic lover

[2riskywhiskey]

[2riskywhiskey]

[2riskywhiskey]

[2riskywhiskey]

[2riskywhiskey]

“If I can love the wrong person that much; think of how much I can love the right person” 😫💛

[2riskywhiskey]

🌱 🚿

“How do you know someone is for you? They bring peace you haven’t found anywhere else. They support your effort. They water your growth.”

— Unknown

[2riskywhiskey]

[2riskywhiskey]

[2riskywhiskey]

let me sit between your legs while you play GTA and see how long you can keep playing🥰

Not very long 😫