3points5yards - Tumblr blog

[3points5yards]

Wood anemone/vitsippa and hepatica/liverwort/blåsippa. Skärholmen in Stockholm, Sweden (May 1, 2013).

[3points5yards]

oh you love me? but do you really love me. are you willing to deal with every emotional rollercoaster that comes with me? are you ready for me to hate you one minute and love you the next? because i will do that. i will think you're going to leave me and so i should just stop talking to you as i cry on the bathroom floor, and then 20 minutes later, i will stand up as if nothing has happened and text you all happy and okay. i will get jealous when you spend more time with others, even though i know it's perfectly reasonable and okay for you to do that considering you are your own person with your own life, but i will feel alone. i will feel alone without you. my heart will create waves out of nothing and make them crash against me over and over again. waves that you can't hear or see, waves that'll one day suck me into the water and drown me. you love me? okay. are you willing to deal with the fact that some days, you make me so angry because i miss you, and that i have so much horrible guilt for feeling so? you make me so mad and so confused. you make everything so messy in my head because i never know what you're thinking. you're like an enigma to me. you know so much about me, and yet i know nothing at all about you. considering the time we've known each other, i'd say that's pretty bad. though i won't tell you that. i don't want you leaving me. you say you love me, but i don't think you're ready to deal with the full force of my emotions and what they're capable of. you shouldn't love me.

[3points5yards]

Chickadee in the apple tree

Carolina Chickadee (Poecile carolinensis)

April 23, 2024

Southeastern Pennsylvania

[3points5yards]

i hate that BPD gives me such a lack of emotional permanence.

you can spend hours describing the ways in which you care about me, yet the moment you stop my brain will immediately decide you hate me and are destined to leave me.

[3points5yards]

yesterday i had a fire breakfast and dinner call me a wizard bitch i was cooking up in that place i was creating i was having sex with so many appliances.

[3points5yards]

Babe are you ok you’ve been listening to alt-J’s “intro” on loop for five hours

[3points5yards]

"i don't know how you can deal with that." thanks so much gram gram you the realest i don't know how my dad can deal with me either honestly i should just kill myself so the burden of my existence can be removed from yours and my fathers life wouldn't that be awesome

[3points5yards]

its suicide saturday time to sit on the floor of my bedroom wrapped up in my favorite coat as i cry and wish i had a mother while i contemplate taking all my dad's sleeping medication

[3points5yards]

sorry i cant hang out i forgot how to mimic human like behaviour

[3points5yards]

is it unhealthy to have only one friend that you rely on? yes. will i continue to only talk to them and make absolutely no attempt to have any other friends? yes. sure when they hang out with their other friends, i feel this deep sorrow within me that cannot be filled and i long for connection in the way they seem to have with their friends, but that's perfectly normal and i am so fine.

[3points5yards]

bpd culture is please please please please please please please please please please please please please please. please. im begging you please. please. please. i need you. come closer. closer. i need to smell you as close as i can. i need to feel your skin. i need you so close to me our skin fuses into one. i need you so violently. i need your hands wrapped around my heart i need you to feel that it beats for you and only you and you are my everything. you are my everything. you are the sun and the moon, the rise and fall of my chest, the build-up and crashing of a wave. i am yours and forever yours. i am always yours even after death, even after they put me in the ground or turn me into ashes or whatever happens to me. i am yours. your eyes are so pretty. you are so pretty. i love you. you don't have to love me. let me admire you. i want to admire you forever. you can hate me, i don't care. you can scorn me and beat me and hurt me, though you'd never do that. you're too nice to ever think of such things. everything about you is perfect. i wish you would run your delicate fingers along my arms and grasp my hands. i wish i could hear you laugh just one more time, and then a thousand times more after that. i close my eyes and i see you. i open my eyes, and i think of you in everything i see. i hope you are well. i hope you know i miss you. i can't wait to see your smile again. i hope you know i love you.

i got carried away. im so normal i swear

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[3points5yards]

introduction :3

hi! you can call me taro! he/him, 17 my fav band is alt-j if you can't tell i have agoraphobia, autism, adhd, avpd, and possibly bpd?

i've never really used tumblr, i'm more of a lurker, but i decided i'd make a vent blog(?) as i think it'd help. i might reblog photography of nature and bug and stuff as well though. if you don't wanna see a sad little teenager ramble about his sad little life, i'd suggest you don't look at this blog lol.

i have anorexia and orthorexia, so there may be talk of that. despite this, i do not interact with edblr. im also recovering from self harm, so there will be talk of that too.

ok that's all bye bye