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Glory to you and your future foreseeing father

When I (M29) was a young boy (M7) my father (M35) took me into the city (X167) to see a marching band (M23, M21, M22, F22, M24, M25, F21, M

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sketches

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Can confirm, men with large beautiful lashes get all the women

How to Be The Dominant Male in Any Situation

Let's say you walk into a party.

You are wet and pathetic. Not only are you a worm, but even among worms you are the runt of the litter.

There's a way to fix that. Even you can be the alpha male in every situation you're in. Here's how:

Alpha Male Rule 1: Stand Tall or Very Short

In some things in nature, like rats and giraffes, the biggest creature in is leader.

However, in other things in nature, like the mafia, which has large goons but a small boss, the smallest creature is the leader.

You need to lean into whichever option is closest to you. If you are almost short, try wearing a big suit like a mob boss would wear to also make yourself wider like a mob boss. If are you almost tall, like I am, trying wearing these bad boys:

Now, I know what you're thinking: "High heels?? But isn't that for women???" Women have been hiding them from us men because they are afraid of how powerful we would be with them. But, why do women alone get to augment so much about themselves?? Look at all the eyeliner and mascara they need to even begin to mimic the power and seductiveness of our male eyelashes:

So, let's take a look at how we're doing now having applied just this one piece of advice:

It's a whole new situation. Let's move onto rule 2:

Alpha Male Rule 2: Always Get What You Want But Never Ask For It

I notice the man next to me has cookies. I would like one. Not only that, but there's also a woman next to me, watching. Asking another man for a cookie is extremely un-alpha behavior, so here's how you go about this situation:

1) Point out that someone else has something that you want

2) Cry until they give it to you

If everything has gone according the plan, you now have a cookie, and the woman is thinking something like this:

Let's move onto the last rule.

Alpha Male Rule 3: Always Up the Ante

Whatever you want to do or say, do or say it at least 3 times as hard as a regular person. When your coffee is $3, you should give $9 to show how wealthy you are. When you say "I'll be back in 5 minutes" you should actually be back in 15 minutes -- but really, you should say "I'll be back in 15 minutes" and be back in 45 minutes.

You should also start every task at step 3 rather than step 1. So, a normal (read: beta) guy might tell a girl "I think you're pretty" and then later ask "will you be my girlfriend?' But you should just say this:

99% of women will say yes, but if she needs further convincing, it can be helpful to offer her a small present, like a trinket or snack.

Congratulations. You have now learned how to be the most dominant male in any situation. Here are a few more tips for the road:

Claim to be descended from an ancient king or emperor. You can make a map or your lineage and fold it up to carry it in your pocket, so that you may unfold it whenever it needs to be presented.

If a woman takes a genuine interest in you, do the full body blush animation rising from bottom to top like you're a cup filling up, then run away, leaving behind a small cloud and a few speed lines. The idea that woman can actually like you is a lie perpetuated by Big Women.

If you want to further increase your height, try wearing bunny ears.

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I love how this is the literal inverse of public shaming, no matter how

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*record scratch freeze frame*

Yepp that was me until them vampires discovered that they just could break my neck.

You were bitten by a vampire but you didn't die, instead the vampire died. The next day, you're captured by vampires and marked as unsafe for consumption. All because you had a rare, incurable condition in your blood. Cool, now you are a vampire slayer who kills vamps by letting 'em bite you.

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The full thing for anyone who wants it!

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I really thought this went in the direction of:

"well your daughter and I fell in love but we need a fresh start"

"So let me get this straight, you kidnapped my daughter, cured her of her deadly illness, and now you're finally calling for a ransom? Why!?" "Well your daughter was going to be useless to me dead."

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I can't see this without being reminded that Nazis burned a whole library of Magnus Hirschfeld about queer studies on the Berlin Bebelsplatz in 1933. This resulted in a strong erasure of public queer perception, in case you wondered why homo/trans folks seem to pop up just now.

Source f.i. https://hmd.org.uk/resource/6-may-1933-looting-of-the-institute-of-sexology/

being queer and seeing historical queer love is like a punch to the gut in a good way every time

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Sir Terry Pratchett wants to have a word with you because being bored in a world full of wonders is most likely universally unique.

Also speaking from own experiences, being bored is the first step in creating the next wonder.

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The boss bar over the cat was like the cherry on the cream onthe ice you where eating. Just *muah* 😘 👌🏾

Mom says stfu or we’re not going to Dairy Queen

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THERE IT IS!!! I TOLD YA