actuallyevilgay - Tumblr blog

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 7)

Ascended Astarion x Male Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Ascended Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Astarion continues to carefully observe Tav while being a little jealous of Morlock.. Amongst others. Content Warnings: I don't think this one has any notable TWs? If I need to add new tags by the way, please let me know! A/N: heiii it's been a bit. I was GOING AND GOING with this one. Hope you enjoy the banter.

Read on ao3

Nauseous. Ever since the Dharma incident, you can’t help but feel incredibly nauseous. Something’s been nagging at the edge of your skull, as if there’s a physically missing piece. No, really, like there was a hole in your skull itself, rather than a lack of memory.

Perhaps you had a traumatic brain injury before you got yourself to Neverwinter, still not sure why you were here, or why there was this driving desire to hide away.

Jilvy’s tavern definitely fulfilled a portion of that desire, tucked away in a neat corner across a rather busy street, it garnered only a niche attention for most of the time. Jilvy’s efforts weren’t wasted though, and it showed in the diversity of new clientele popping up over time. The busy hours meant Jilvy would spend more time helping in the kitchen and less chatting up the customers. Not that she was complaining about it, she had you walk around as her personal handyman.. With the height difference and all.

Your work routine was so in sync that Jilvy no longer had to ask for things out of reach, you’d just hand them over without much thought.

To your own surprise, it was starting to get easier to just exist among people and be seen by them or looked at. Still, the nervous mannerisms remained. To the common folk, they found it endearing. You slowly came to realise Jilvy may have hired you because people were naturally drawn to you. Interested in mystery perhaps, or.. Your stuttering and overall attitude was entertaining in some way. The charisma was there, even when you’re not trying.

‘’He’s a real looker, isn’t he?’’ The average tavern gossip kept you on your toes, but as time went on it bothered you less.

The presence of the Tiefling adventurer had eased some of the stress, still the colour orange itself would put you on high alert.

Gale hadn’t shown up in a while. You figured he was too busy investigating the mage’s whereabouts. Perhaps he got into trouble, or maybe he had gone back to Waterdeep to handle business. He promised he’d come back after.

On Jilvy’s request, you started to write notes for yourself in a journal to share with Gale later, for your questions.. Ones he surely had answers to. There was a particular memory that would pop up over time, a city on fire.. A flying ship. Some aberrant creature speaking to you as if you were familiar. He was upset, insulted. Someone you had betrayed. Then there was a vision of corpses of creatures similar to him.. 

‘’You look beautiful when you’re lost in that pretty head of yours, boy.’’ The voice of a stoic man interrupted your trail of thoughts. ‘’That, or a mindflayer gobbled on your head-’’

‘’Mind flayer..? Sorry?’’ You blinked, the words pierced your skull. Examining the man before you, you assume he’s an adventurer, a barbarian type. Intimidating, and.. Really bad at flirting.

‘’Ha! Bad joke. I just arrived back home after touring Baldur’s gate, there was a whole thing over there. The Absolute Crisis. But you Neverwinter city folks don’t know anything about that, do you?’’

He cocks his head to the side, winking. You still can’t tell if he’s trying to flirt or insult you.

‘’But I like the dolly-looking guys. They let me talk.’’ No.. Now he’s talking to himself, about you.

Behind him, Morlock stands on his feet, withdrawing from a book he was reading, making eye contact with you.

You think back to the Barbarian’s mumbling for a bit and decide to write down some of the keywords he was talking about before turning your attention to him.

‘’Sir, this is a tavern- Well.. More of a teahouse. People always come here to chat, its an average day.’’ You blow him off, but he doesn’t take the hint.

‘’I was hoping to do more than chat.’’

‘’Okay, I think you’ve misread the sign that says no drunks.’’ Morlock taps the Barbarian’s shoulder. ‘’Leave the bartender be, For someone all talk, you seem to struggle with language a lot.’’ You’d hoped he’d do the mature thing and walk off, but he stands up tall to try and intimidate Morlock, who barely reacts to the attempt.

‘’Hmm. Almost adorable, you do look like a squealer.’’ Morlock mutters to himself.

The man then proceeds to reach forward and try to Grab Morlock’s horn, but he either slips or misses his aim, as Morlock steps sideways and grabs his arm, pulling him forward. He quickly loses balance and falls on a knee, trying to pull himself free. Morlock just squeezes him, digging his nails into the barbarian’s arm, who starts whining. ‘’Bastard!’’

‘’Last warning. Get. Out. If you get violent, I will not hold back.’’ He eyes the clientele. ‘’And I don’t think the good folk here appreciate violence.’’ 

The barbarian eyes you for a moment, almost to see if the conflict interests you. He’s likely looking for an excuse to try and impress you, only to stop at the lack of care in your expression.. You already went back to drying off glasses, listening in on the conversation.

As you turn your head back,There’s a faint glimmer in Morlock’s eyes. The barbarian walks out without another word, and the Tiefling drops a pouch of coins on the counter. 

‘’Did you pickpocket him?’’ You gasp, quietly hiding your admiration for the deed.

‘’A tip for the damages, it’s only fair.’’ Morlock shrugs. He retains eye contact while licking the barbarian’s blood off of his fingertips, noticing you’re starting to drown in his gaze. You shake your head, dizzy. Unsure.

Morlock puts a finger to his lips, grins, and shoves the pouch further in your direction.

‘’If you catch my meaning, darling.’’ He then walks back to his table and continues reading without a care in the world.

You blink, grabbing the pouch and pocketting it. A feeling of playful mischief makes you quietly smirk.. All too familiar. You maybe were a big game thief of sorts before coming here.. It was what you did to keep yourself fed before you started working for Jilvy..  If the weather allowed it, you could go back to the docks and find your hidden stash of stolen goods..

Even if you weren’t exactly aiming to be a criminal, some gut feeling told you it was necessary to have a plan B in case things went awry and living here wasn’t suitable anymore.

Another scribble for the journal.. A question to Gale. Why do you feel drawn to stealing? Would the wizard even have an answer to that? An instinctive need to take things you could take? A kleptomaniac? No.. Nothing in Jilvy’s tavern and living space had called upon that desire to put things in your pocket. So you assume it wasn’t an impulse.

You hadn’t called upon the telekinetic powers you used to grab things for a while, hoping it would lessen the headaches. Out of mild curiosity or just to make sure you still had them, you briefly make the cup you were working on float while no one is looking. ‘’Hmm..’’ Yep. Still got them.

And then it shatters on the ground before you realise you dropped it..

‘’Fuck.’’ Another thing to clean up.. Time to find the broom.

Morlock continues to watch from the corner of your eyes, subtly. You’ve noticed him stare, but figured he was just worried about you. He had been here daily since Jilvy reopened after the Dharma accident. A new book club member nonetheless. One stranger you felt you could trust.

There’s just.. Something about him that puts your guard down.

—

It’s not been too long, just a few days since Astarion started being a subtle bouncer pretending to be a customer, pretending to be a Tiefling called Morlock just so he could be near Tav without upsetting him.

He’d thought about it for quite some time, but simply couldn’t picture Tav wanting to look at the real him, let alone speak to him. Their last real conversation haunts him. Figures.. After his lashing out they sparingly spoke, only focussing on dealing with the netherbrain. Tav was quieter than he had been throughout the entire journey. That quietness remains even now. He only speaks when spoken to, avoiding conflict.

Tav couldn’t even retain eye contact during that last week of prepping for the netherbrain, Astarion recalls the taste of the lingering saltiness that coated his tongue back then. 

At the time, Astarion convinced himself he deserved better; His enlarged ego made him forget the world around him. The struggles of mortals. And Tav, was very much mortal. Warm, but distant. Emotionally he closed himself off entirely, focussing on getting the job done.

Offering the eternal gift would’ve sweetened the deal, right? He had cattle knocking on his doors begging for it when he got busy spreading his influence.

But it’s never been that simple with Tav.. Tav wasn’t as outspoken as he was, just blunt. He never demanded anything outside of the battlefield. He didn’t bark orders without reason, he wouldn’t force anyone to do something they didn’t like unless they were his enemy. Then.. You’d see a different side of him entirely.

Astarion’s glamored eyes linger on the page of his book, but the words escape from his mind’s eye. He visualised the memories he repressed, searching for answers on where things went awry, and why Tav pushed him away. All he could think of was the tadpoles, starting with Nere’s, and then.. In the shadowlands, he only regressed more after Moonrise..

Even now, the scent of illithid and netherese influence lingers on Tav. Astarion can smell it from here.

  There was a pause in that inner conflict back then when Astarion confessed. Tav defended him from this… Vile drow. Someone he’d rather forget about. The blood merchant.

Astarion’s confession led to their relationship evolving into something more, but before it could develop further, Astarion snapped the bridge they were building in half.

Or, he let it wither when it hadn’t sprouted fully. A waste.

No.. There’s one simple answer. Astarion had made everything about him. The confession, then his scars.. Killing the orthorn, Raphael, the ascension.. That night. Everything was about what he wanted and what he needed. Tav went along with it throughout most of the journey, but did he ever stop to ask what Tav wanted?

He just assumed. He plotted and planned.. Even now, he schemes.

But still, stubbornly so, he feels that he needs to plot and plan ahead. He cannot fail. He cannot let him slip from his grasp again, he just needs to.. Create the right opportunity to apologise. A scheme where he can get the two of them alone. To open his heart to him.

Otherwise.. He just pictures his dearest Tav staring at him blankly and walking off into smoke and dust again. Hiding from him.

Was he truly here to hide from him? Like Jaheira so confidently claimed? Out of all places, Astarion would have never put Neverwinter atop the list.. But, maybe he didn’t know Tav as well as he’d thought.

He mourns the time lost, as Morlock he could make up for it.. Learn a little. Tav deserved better from him.

Was he going about this the wrong way..? Certainly. But he wouldn’t willingly admit that.

As smoothly as this was going.. Astarion did notice the occasional glances from Tav, if he wasn’t glamoured, this would excite him. All he could really think of was that Morlock had game while he didn’t. If Morlock and he were separate people, and not an Elf wearing a disguise to spy on his ex.. He would strangle Morlock then and there for getting this much attention.

The fantasy itself was starting to become a habit. Every Time they exchanged brief eye contact, Tav looked so trusting at the tiefling.

When was the last time Tav looked at Astarion this way..? He can’t recall.

As much as he’d love to ponder more, time was passing and during the later hours of such a cold weekday, one customer is eager to get a warm drink in their body.

A beautiful human man, dark hair and bright blue eyes, walks in. Astarion notices Tav perk up immediately, recognising this person.. What’s this? Familiarity? Is he.. Seeing someone?

To not arouse suspicion, Astarion pulls the book closer to his face and pretends to be bewildered by the writing in utter suspense. What a performance..

He was youthful looking, but physically older than Tav. As for his manners.. There was a brief awkward staredown between the two as he sat down in a seat in front of the counter. ‘’Remember me?’’

‘’Oh- Mint guy.’’ Tav stutters.

‘’..Mint guy? Shit- I didn’t tell you my name.’’ He awkwardly scratches the back of his neck.

Good. Tav wasn’t seeing anyone..

‘’..I’m Tav.’’ Tav initiates small talk now? ‘’Just Tav.’’ A forced smile grows on his lips. He twitches nervously.

Fuck. The human is indeed very attractive..

‘’Well, ‘’Just’’ Tav. I’m Bouke. But you can call me Bo, if that’s easier.’’ He winks at him..

Tav lets out a soft chuckle. ‘’I like your name, it’s.. Unusual.’’

‘’Is it? You think I’m the rare sort? Well.. I’d love to try the rare chrysanthemum tea, with extra sugar please.’’ He points at a named menu item with his finger, then plants the same finger on his chin. He got the body language and lines for basic flirting down unlike the barbarian from earlier.. And Tav isn’t telling him no. 

Tav! Have some standards!

‘’Of course, it’ll take only a moment.’’ A bit of pink coats his cheeks.

Why isn’t he telling him no?! Gods.

He’d rather ‘’Morlock’’ get action than this… ‘’Average’’ good-looking person.

There’s a shift in the atmosphere of the teahouse tavern as Tav serves the man his drink and continues cleaning off dishes, checking on baked goods.. The other patrons have started to huddle together, whispering. The gossip was obviously about the cute bartender and the very good-looking patron getting actual attention from him.

‘’Calm down Astarion.. If you tense up more, it’ll be obvious you want to kill this guy on the spot..’’ He thinks to himself, untensing and turning a page of his book.

As he’s about to eye Tav and Bouke again, another patron approaches his table and points at the book. ‘’Oh, you’re reading this week’s book too?’’ Small talk.. Great. Now he has to multitask chatter too.

‘’Hmm? Yes. I’ve joined a bit late, I’m trying to catch up before the club meeting, if you don’t mind...’’ He replies, hoping that was enough of a sign that he wasn’t up for chatter. Instead.. The patron sits down at the other seat of his table and begins to talk about how happy he is to see a new face.. Something about wanting tieflings to feel more included in public spaces. But Astarion struggled to listen to their blabbering.

Bouke appears to be making conversation with Tav, as uninterested as he is in what the human has to say, Tav seems engaged, nodding and asking more.

He’s jotting down something in a notebook.. Is that an agenda? What is happening??

‘’And that’s why- If you’ve got any tiefling friends or family, don’t be afraid to invite them, this is a welcoming space.’’ The patron continues.

‘’Sorry- What?’’ By this point he can’t focus on holding the book in front of his face anymore.

‘’Oh- I spoke too fast, let me rephrase that..’’

 ‘’I appreciate the gesture, but as I said I was trying to read-’’

‘’..And there’s also this.. Y’know, it’s just not fair? Do tell me if anyone insults you for-’’

‘’Gods. Genuinely, Thank you for your concern, but I am trying to read.’’ 

‘’-My bad, So what do you like about the book? I think the plot takes a while to catch on..’’

He gives up.. At this point it's not his responsibility for this peasant to take a hint, they continue talking not even waiting for an answer.. Enough, back to whatever Bouke is doing-

‘’Hey uhm, Tav. I was wondering- I’ve been thinking about you since I first visited. Have- Uh.. Do you..? Are you.. Interested in me? I mean, to go on a date with me?’’ Bouke DARES. Oh, he is going to die for that if he-

‘’Oh. I-’’ Tav’s little smile starts turning into a frown, he clutches the notebook to his chest as he looks aside. ‘’I don’t know if I should.’’ Good boy. Tell him to fuck off already!

‘’..Why? ..Got your heart broken? You’re so sweet! I promise I won’t push you.’’ Bouke, Bouke, Bouke, Bo? Little Bo. You are digging yourself a grave right now. Don’t.

There’s not a brief silence, it's longer than some, Tav stops responding entirely, thinking.. Processing an answer. He seemed eager earlier, so this rejection has a reason. Astarion swallows, he hears a pin drop somewhere. The entire tavern is in suspense.

‘’I.. Am broken in places, where I shouldn’t be. I can’t. I’m sorry.’’ Throb. Damn, that stung Astarion more than he’d like it to. Deserved. He drops his book, reaching over to pick it up.

Even the annoying patron in front of him has stopped talking.

The entire tavern is quiet. There’s some coughs and awkward huffs. Bouke finishes his drink, not having a comeback to answer with. He seemed confident enough to try another pick-up line at first, but even he knows he can’t fill whatever void Tav appears to be dealing with. He pays and leaves with a simple gesture and a nod.

Tav is extremely dreary, Jilvy hadn’t interfered at first, keeping a watchful eye while she focussed on other chores. ‘’Tav, dear. If you need a break-’’

He withholds a sob. ‘’I’m fine. I want to finish this batch.’’ Then interrupts her, standing his ground. Jilvy sighs. She can boss him around, but it probably won’t help him much here. Then, Jilvy notices Astarion’s staring and just shrugs. He just shrugs back.

The tavern’s energy shifts again as some new folks drop inside for a late evening drink, and everyone forgets about the unfortunate rejection from earlier. Even Astarion’s undead, yet living lungs, release a sigh of relief that the tension has faded. It was so uncomfortable.

Slowly, the numbers of present patrons decrease. Once more, it’s quiet.

Tav walks away from his usual spot to clean up some of the tavern floor, as he paces near Astarion, he finally speaks up. ‘’Darling, I would love for a refill of this one.’’ He points to his cup with an extended finger, tapping it with his nail. A gentle cling sound echoes.

While he refills the cup, his hands tremble, so he stops before he can spill. ‘’..Sorry, I’m a little tired.’’ He managed to get the last bit of boiled water in the cup after taking a breath.

‘’It’s alright.’’

‘’You probably want to ask what that was all about.. There’s this, uh.. Gut feeling.’’

‘’Well, I certainly love prying and sharing gossip, but I don’t think you want me to ask.. Unless?’’ 

‘’Hmmh.’’

‘’Really, dear. You don’t have to share. I am curious to know what's on your mind, though.’’ Astarion, as Morlock, speaks in a gentle tone, his eyes softened.

Tav looks back at the active workload, determining if now is a good time to take a break.. Jilvy looks up and gives him a reassuring smile. Tav sighs with some relief and sits down in the chair in front of ‘’Morlock.’’

‘’I’ve been hurt really badly.’’ Tav opens up. ‘’I can’t say how, where, or why.’’ Vague wording, certainly secretive. Perhaps he’s hiding from everyone after all. Or is he simply wording it that way to keep it private?

‘’..And.. I’m empty.’’ He raises a hand, before clutching it towards his chest, atop his heart. ‘’I don’t know why I’m still here sometimes.. I’m sorry if that’s- Dark, I.. Sorry. You’re just so easy to talk to. I feel like I know you.. But I don’t, right?’’

‘’Don’t apologise. It’s alright.’’ Astarion hesitates, not sure if he should interrupt his venting. What’s there to say? To ask? Think.. You’re better at conversation than this.

‘’It sounds like Bouke did hit a nail on the head, heartbreak, I take it? Don’t hold back, Complain, insult, or vent as much as you’d like.’’

‘’Insult..?’’ Tav stammers. ‘’I’ve nothing bad to say about anyone.’’ He pauses. ‘’Well, perhaps that stoic guy from earlier today.. He.. Yeah.’’ He grins for a bit, lightening up. ‘’You’re really light fingered. I would love to see you do that again without Jilvy noticing.’’ He whispers. 

Astarion smirks, showing some teeth in his wicked smile. ‘’Maybe I just might, if another bad-tempered fool comes along.’’ He winks. ‘’But, then I won’t have enough time for this.. Novel.’’ He eyes the book again. It did have some interesting premise, but the plot.. Dragged on. There was too much thinking and too little happening in the start of it. How frustrating.

‘’Bit of a headache, to be honest.’’

‘’Ah.. I’ve been having nothing but headache since I’ve come to Neverwinter.’’ Oh, Tav is dropping details now? ..No, calm down. Don’t push. Be casual.

‘’I’ve come here mostly looking for work, and ways to pass time. The book club isn’t really my thing, I admit. But you ought to try new things sometimes.. I have too much time on my hands, and yet so little fits in a single day.’’ Astarion pauses, ‘’I’m running from one thing to the next. It’s.. Eh, chaotic. But necessary. What’s life without chaos? Plain. Tasteless.’’

‘’Tasteless..’’ Tav whispers, repeating him. ‘’In my.. Experience, chaos makes it hard to focus on taste. There’s too much of it, and you lose track of the little things.’’ He fidgets with his hands. ‘’..Do you ever stop running?’’

Astarion thinks, realising Tav is being indirect with his phrasing. They’re not talking about particulars. They’re expressing feelings. Tav is seeking words for whatever he’s feeling. Relating, but not saying how or why.

‘’I’m not sure if I’ve ever stopped running. There’s always someplace to run to, or from.’’ He responds. Truthfully, that’s how he felt himself.. Vampire ascendant, vampire lord. No longer a slave, but he’s running away from his ongoing plans and running to Tav, scheming.

Tav looks lost in thought, his eyes on the ceiling. He’s distracted by a spider weaving a web somewhere.. Then..

‘’It’s.. So much, and so little at once.’’ He whispers. ‘’But this tavern.. It brings me some peace.’’ He closes his eyes and releases a sigh. ‘’Don’t let me keep you.’’ Stands, and goes back to finishing up his cleaning work. He looks relieved and peaceful, which sets Astarion at ease. Too much stimulation for one day..

The queue for closing hour is there.. Astarion wraps up drinking his tea and leaves for the night, heading back to the building he was renting.

He may have gentle caress for Tav, patience, and obsessive love.. But anyone else is in the way. He is but a man of desire, but he was also a vampire.

And vampires are all about fulfilling desires.

At the first sight of his spawn, who eagerly await an update on the romance drama.. He stands firm while Morlock’s visage disappears and his white curls shine in the fresh moonlight. Next, he grins.

‘’Tyselius, Vandelion. There’s someone I need you to get rid off. Just a little side-character, nothing big. Make him disappear, an accident. Snack on the cattle too, if you wish. Just don’t leave a stain to be found.’’

Precious and annoying little pretty Bouke was never seen again.

—

Tara never took a liking to inns before, but she is relishing in this one.. It seems someone was suddenly opposed to going back home to Waterdeep. The tressym loved the idea of vacation, but travel..? Sometimes, yes. Now.. There’s Neverwinter.. And snow everywhere-

Tara would’ve preferred it warm. Yet, these silks and the fireplace.. It's enough. She can sleep, read, eat, and sleep.. And read.. And nap, and get all the scritches she wants. And not think about anything else now that Gale doesn’t have a bomb in his chest.

‘’Gale, dear.. Stop shifting around.’’

‘’I’m trying to go through my notes, Tara. It’s important.’’ Gale replies with an awkward smile.

‘’Okay.. You’ve been in a mood after your last search. No sign of Dharma, I take it?’’

‘’Concerningly little, which I would’ve preferred.. If she wasn’t a problem.’’ Gale sighs, putting his notes away. ‘’Putting the pieces together, and the people I’ve interviewed.. I think someone may have kidnapped her. But the question… Is who?’’

‘’There’s always something they leave behind. You’ll figure it out. You’re a smart boy.’’ Tara purrs, then her eyes shift. ‘’If only you’d shave-’’

‘’AHA-’’ Gale interrupts Tara’s complaint about his beard and pulls up a drawing from his pile. 

‘’Eureka! It’s.. A doodle. Drawn by a child.’’ Tara rolls her eyes. ‘’Care to explain what I’m missing?’’

‘’It’s not a doodle, it’s a symbol, one left behind by psionic magic. Just poorly transcribed and scribbled by the witness.’’

‘’Psionic..? Doesn’t your friend Tav have psionic abilities?’’ 

‘’Yes, but the source.. Is Illithid. We might be dealing with mind flayers.’’

‘’Why would mind flayers kidnap your deranged student..?’’ Tara licks her paw.

Gale thinks for a moment, biting on the metallic part of his quill. ‘’Hmm, I’ve theorised for a while, but I think Tav might have been leaving some sort of trace, like.. An unconscious signal. One that attracts Illithids and blocks out others. He might be mistaken for a rogue or a lost hivemind member.’’

‘’And why would they grab Dharma if they want Tav?’’

‘’To question her maybe..? Huh.. I think it’s time I ask a professional on the matter.’’ Gale rises from his comfortable sitting position, forcing Tara to jump off with an annoyed huff.

‘’Now where did I leave my sending scrolls..? By Mystra’s watchful eye, This place is starting to look like my tower..’’ 

‘’Careful, don’t put Mystra’s name in your mouth, Gale. She might bat an eye.’’

‘’Oh trust me, I made sure she’d leave me be, I am a thriving single man!’’ Gale puts his hands to his hips while he leans over a crowded desk.

‘’So you say..’’ Tara mumbles, ‘’I still would love some grand-kittens.’’

‘’Oof, and here I was thinking you were proud of me choosing myself. That hurt, Tara.. Ah, there it is!’’ Gale rolls open a scroll, before he puts the quill to the paper itself, he thinks of direct words without wasting the spell..

Hopefully his dear friend, foe of Vlaakith and great warrior, Lae’zel herself, was eager for a little trip to Neverwinter.

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 6)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Ascended Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Astarion's experience of the hand-holding got a little too intense for him.. Meanwhile Gale is trying to figure out what's going on with Tav. Content Warnings: This part contains some smut! NSFT!! A/N: We get some much-needed Gale pov! Hell yeah. Hope you enjoy. Read on ao3 as well!

......

On the way back to the homestead Astarion was renting, his head was racing with many conflicting thoughts. He thought he could keep his cool.. But didn’t expect to so quickly lose sense of his composure after Tav ran off.

The smell.. He was obsessing over it and certainly needed some privacy to come to terms with what happened today. He made a mental note to look into the crazy woman situation, since she would likely show up again sooner or later, his tiefling disguise may have another role to play soon. Just in case, he had commanded the local vermin to keep an eye out for Tav. 

Tav may have tried to hide his magic powers due the guard incident, strange as it was for him to cower behind a complete stranger, perhaps he was trying to lie low.. Something about how helpless Tav behaved put Astarion on edge. He’d never seen him like that. 

Then again, if he’d been here all this time without anyone knowing he would have built a new identity for himself. No hero of Baldur’s gate, just a barkeep at a tavern which serves tea apparently. Perhaps the final fight with the netherbrain made Tav want to retire into a simpler life, leaving the idea of adventuring behind. Astarion could only speculate on the reasoning.

Astarion didn’t say a word to either Vand or Ty when he entered the house, just traded eye contact and dismissed them by silent command. He headed up the stairs to the bigger bedroom, taking off all his garments and clothes until but the undershirt and pants were left.

With an annoyed grunt, he settled down on the bed in a meditative position, only to swap resting angles several times.. Reverie would not come for him as easily today.

‘’What am I doing..?’’ The mumble tumbled out of his mouth, his fingers slid over the soft covers, finding a pillow to dig his face in.

‘’..Tav..’’ He moaned, squeezing his hands together. The vision of their fingers intertwined returned to him. ‘’Oh.. Dearest..’’ his voice muffled under a deep breath.

A cold hard yearning welled within him, building and building, becoming harder to contain with every second. A single tear escaped from his eyes.

He needed to clear his head as soon as possible.. There were things to be done.

For his trance, he decided to focus on a memory, a particularly fond one he hadn’t revisited since the break up. It was the second time he slept with Tav, only to realise he had grown fond of him in ways he never perceived himself to be able to.

The tiefling party was definitely not to his taste, even now, it still made him feel weird to be celebrated as a hero. Back in Baldur’s gate, that's what he now was known for. It took a lot of manipulating and gaslighting to make sure no one questioned him taking over the szarr estate, ensuring his road to securing the city as his territory.

Back during the adventure, the parasites were the furthest from his mind, he could only think of how worried it made him a monster hunter had joined the band of travellers.. Playing hero had never been part of the plan, the plan was to just survive and slay Cazador.. The road to freedom.

The very first time he slept with Tav was almost no different from when he slept with his marks. The smell of alcohol and dopamine intertwined with adrenaline was Cazador’s favourite part of his ritual. Only to end it with watching his slaves dine on dead putrid rats while he had finished feasting on his victims. 

But the second time, at the party, it.. The air had changed. While Tav had not been a victim or target in his mind, the first one night stand was without feeling, just sex. 

Asking him the first time was easy, the second time not so much. He was more hesitant, nervous about the journey and going out to sleep in the woods again.

With every pick-up line possible, Astarion kept shooting his shot, wondering to himself why he had been so insistent to sleep with him again even though his protection should be guaranteed by now.

It was less ‘’need to’’ and more ‘’want to’’ or.. ‘’I yearn to,’’ With a lack of better words to explain what he was feeling.. Unsure how to express it beyond physical touch.

When he eventually managed to convince Tav he would be safe, they sneaked away from the festivities to their previous spot.

He recalls walking to the little moonlight lit grove, only to turn around to see Tav quietly and slowly slid his shirt off his shoulders. The light reflected off his skin, glimmering.

While Astarion had pictured this is what he looked like to Tav that first time together, now the roles were reversed and he was mesmerised. There was something incredibly dreamy to him, unforgettable. An ache in his chest and a throb to his undead heart.

Astarion stalled, his fingers firmly clenching his own shirt while he watched Tav never take his eyes off him while undressing himself.

He didn’t realise he had frozen until Tav walked up to him bare, laying a hand on his and guiding him only to stop. ‘’Are you alright..?’’ Tav questioned in a gentle tone.

‘’Are you sure you want this right now?’’

‘’I want you.. I want to devour you.’’ Astarion replied, unfreezing and quickly undoing his clothes to join him bare.

The kiss that followed left him wanting more and more as he drowned into the touch, that uncomfortable feeling of arousal rose up and down until it found its rhythm, sending a wave of pleasure flowing through him.

His hands travelled over Tav’s skin, dancing across tiny hidden scars, pinching the subtle curves in his body. Tav’s back arched, he moaned the second Astarion’s lips found his neck.

He could bite him right there and then, but preferred to tease him.

The scent of alcohol intertwined with dopamine had something to it.. It was much sweeter without the addition of Adrenaline, which had a salty and unsettling flavour to it.

Tav kept drawing him in, his hands caressing gentle patterns over Astarion’s back and his arms. It wasn’t long until their bodies crashed onto the bedroll, with Astarion thrusting himself into Tav’s embrace.

Tav moaned so sweetly, covering his face with his arm out of vulnerability. Astarion wanted to yank his arms above his head, but decided on a gentler approach, kissing his neck until he relaxed in between the thrusts. 

When they found a common ground within the rhythm, Astarion started moaning loudly into Tav’s skin. Burying himself with sloppy kisses across his collar bone, licking the sweat off his neck.

He cried out Tav’s name, who only moaned in response at their shared climax. He took a loud breath before opening his eyes looking into Astarion’s directly. Astarion stared back dreamily, pondering in silence.

This was bliss.. It must be. It has to be.

Tav looked at him with cheeks flushed, brushing Hair out of his face. ‘’Careful now, if you’re going to keep looking at me like that I might actually start to believe you’re in love with me.’’ His chest heaved, a pure moment of honesty.

Astarion remembers the weight of the pit in his stomach. Such a sweet moment, one he ruined like so many others.. ‘’Only for tonight, darling.’’ A charming line, perhaps the biggest lie he’s ever said, and he did it so confidently. Scripted, rehearsed.

Tav’s eyes glazed over somewhat, he released a sigh, stretching beneath Astarion. ‘’You haven’t pulled out.’’ He muttered, looking away almost embarrassed as if they did not just have extremely hot passionate sex.

Astarion smirked, feeling rather gloomy when he pulled away, he frowned at Tav, who had now turned to his side, avoiding eye contact.

The vision of the memory began shifting by force, making Astarion roll his head during trance. He couldn’t control what he’d see next.

Astarion could see Tav’s vulnerable bare body one moment, only to be exchanged with a tearful and exhausted expression of shock back at the elfsong inn.

‘’You’re asking too much of me right now, I just want to sleep, to rest.’’

‘’You want to rest? Right now? Walk away in the middle of the most important conversation you’ve ever had?’’

‘’Astarion I-’’

‘’You know what, forget it. I don’t need this.’’

‘’What? I didn’t mean to insult you- today has been a lot for both of us-’’

Astarion couldn’t hear the words he shouted even though they came out of his own mouth, the once so sweet dream now ruined by the night of his enlarged ego. The rush of power fresh in his veins, only to be aimed in the wrong direction.. He didn’t mean it, he didn’t. He was overcome with emotions he could not control, and in that moment he broke his own heart in two.

‘’I’m just so tired..’’

The exhaustive look on Tav’s face came back into his mind, as he turned around and disappeared through smoke and dust.

‘’I’m sorry.’’

The words echoed loudly, sounding just as real and new as the first time he’d spoken them. Astarion could envision the scared look on Tav’s face back in the alley, the nervous glances before he ran off.

He could feel the pressure of his squeeze in the palm on his hand, which shook him out of trance. The wet dream had been pleasant, but now there was just the scent of guilt hanging in the air.

‘’I need a bath..’’

……

The wizard of Waterdeep! Gale Dekarios.. A Teacher at Blackstaff Academy teaching Illusion. Exalted wizard of a  and Ex-chosen of Mystra. Son of Morena Dekarios and beloved friend of Tara the tressym.

Not too long ago, he visited his friends 6 months after the defeat of the netherbrain on invitation by Withers.

Gale had been elated, exhausted, as his new job came with a lot of complications.. And he was much in need of seeing familiar faces. ‘’A social palette cleanser’’ Tara called it, ‘’Since you have no other friends,’’ and it had been.. Refreshing. Surely.. Up until the revelation that everyone’s busy lives meant no one had actively looked for Tav. Except for Jaheira perhaps..

Gale’s priority had been to fulfil his promise to deliver the crown to Mystra and be rid of the orb, at the time he had hoped to run into his friends again as soon as it was over with. Eager to get out of Mystra’s hair and her eye, her hands and her whims.

Who would’ve thought that being a goddess’ lover was to be a sour experience? He was over her, that much was certain.. But his acceptance of his mortality and station somehow invoked in her the idea that she could potentially influence him again. To control him.

Requesting Gale to kamikaze had been the tipping point for him to realise their power dynamic, he nearly went over the edge, compelled to take the crown for himself and pursue godhood. But no, he was above it. He was above her antics, even as a mortal.

And this time.. Gale rejected Mystra. He worried she’d smite him for the act, but no. She was satisfied and tossed him out of her realm after business had finished.

No more social calls from Elminster occurred since. Nothing, not even a letter. Perhaps the centuries old arch mage tried to distance himself from Gale for good reasons. Or, Mystra had demanded it. And Mystra gets everything she wants.

Not that it mattered to Gale anymore, he was on a different mission now. One that had nothing to do with mindflayer invasions, hoax cults on the rise, ancient artefacts, or the goddamn goddess of magic herself. 

Tara had looked forward to Gale taking a vacation from his stressful job of teaching young adults the wonders of illusion magic, so she could perch in his lap without him enduring overtime on writing original lesson material..

Gale was a stickler for details, much to the academy’s dismay.. He could not keep his word to give his class a beginner friendly course, so they saddled him with a class of chaotic mages instead. A challenge he gladly undertook, enjoying the opportunity to put his students in their place by threatening to blow himself up every now and then.

To his students' obliviousness, the orb was long gone. No more netherese influence for Gale. No more worries about blowing up the wrong place at the wrong time.

Unfortunately for Gale, his life had become chaotic still. Not because of orbs or goddesses, but because the quest to locate Tav in neverwinter had been much easier than he thought it would be.

He’d only just arrived at his holiday location and secured a place of stay when he came across a quirky little tavern tucked away in a very busy district of the city. Gale made a mental note to visit it, when he was stopped by a sending spell sent directly into his mind.

‘’Professor Dekarios. Urgent. Dharma’s gone missing. Think she went after you. Very worried. Please be lenient. Need the class. Send her home.’’

Twenty-two words, three short for a sending spell. But he recognised the voice of Dharma's mother. The woman had been dismissive of her daughter’s increasingly concerning demeanour towards him. If she was coming after him on his vacation, Gale could finally begin the procedure to ban her from his class formally…

With a flash of orange hair dye, she was right behind him, not moments later. He eyed the young woman trying to convey his disappointment by facial expression alone. He could lecture her of course, but she wasn’t worth his personal time nor his elaborate vocabulary. Learning from his past relationship alone, he opted to ignore her to see if she could take a hint.. But it simply invited her to follow him into the tavern.

After scolding Dharma with much needed help from the halfling tavern owner, Gale clapped eyes on a malnourished and gloomy looking Tav. They never spoke a word, but it kept him thinking. At first Gale thought Tav was pretending to not know him.. He looked depressed at most. Gale felt guilty.. But also suspicioned something else was going on.

The halfling was too excited for his repeated visits, and Tav’s quick glances were that of a complete stranger. Gale hoped Tav would call him out, tell him to leave. Yell at him for not coming after him.. For not helping him with whatever he appears to be going through. 

Yet.. He never does. Never, even if he had every opportunity to do so as Gale kept visiting. Gale enjoyed his little vacation exploring books with Jilvy’s other customers during club hours. A means to pass the time.. To observe.

Tav’s body language did not change. Tav’s expression did not change. A moment had passed where he could’ve feigned a look of recognition, and Gale wanted to speak up, he simply couldn’t make himself do it. Tav never questioned his silent attempts to make conversation. Didn’t question him for staring. He kept working, never sitting still for too long unless he started feeling sick. And he was sick very often.

Finally, he concluded that Tav was experiencing some sort of memory loss. Unsure of the cause, he reflected to the last moment he saw his dear friend. The absent-minded glossed over eyes, apathetic and exhausted. The same look that he bears on his doll-like expression every single day nowadays.

What could’ve caused this? The trauma of the final fight? He recalls some debris hitting Tav’s head during the fall into the chiontar.. But shadowheart fixed him up before he suddenly walked off, so.. They’ve been through many battles and Tav always kept standing right back up leading the party through the fray bravely.

Gale searched his memories, pondering for some time.. Quickly he came to a stop. There simply was no way to be sure about Tav’s situation if he didn’t talk to Tav to begin with.

Observing him quietly was weird and doing so made Gale feel creeped out by himself.

He’d hoped to run into Jaheira, Shadowheart… Or anyone else really, to converse about the situation. No. It was time to take the matter into his own hands.

He had to confront Tav. To confront his guilt for abandoning him. Surely Tav would understand he had to rid himself of the orb? But.. Then he got a job as a professor and lost track of time..

Tav was an empathetic person, but also a survival-centred individual. He definitely would’ve understood it wasn’t personal.

This conversation had to happen regardless of how Gale felt about it. He owed it to Tav.

When he made it to the tavern, it was the closing hour. He’d hoped to pass a letter to Jilvy to request a private conversation with Tav in a safe environment outside of work. He wasn’t sure how Tav would take it if he really had amnesia.

Only.. The door was left wide open. Gale stared at it, sensing an arcane disturbance in the air. He turned his head to see Jilvy waltz up to him with suspicious eyes.

‘’What’s the meaning of this?’’ The halfling looked up, carrying a large bag of supplies over her shoulder. Her suspicion faded when she recognized the worry in Gale’s eyes and took note of the letter in his hand.

‘’I shouldn’t have taken too long..’’ Jilvy drops the bag into Gale’s arms forcefully as she inspects the door. One of the hinges had come loose and it was dangling from the spare.

‘’Tav is your lost friend, isn’t he?’’ Jilvy continued, looking for the door’s missing screws in the snow. ‘’You knew?’’ Gale’s eyebrows raised in surprise from Jilvy’s casual tone.

‘’I figured as much, the boy clearly has amnesia. And I assume you figured that out yourself as well?’’ She turned her head up to Gale with the recovered metals in her hands.

Gale didn’t answer her, he looked at the footsteps in the snow, noticing a disparity in pacing. He turned around to follow the pattern, recognizing fresh imprints. One was from someone who’d have jumped abnormally far, blowing snow out of the way while doing so.. The others were dragging their heels, moving with force, as if carrying something heavy that needed focus to maintain stability.

‘’A moment, miss Fogwater.’’ Gale handed back the bag of supplies to Jilvy as she watched him draw a few symbols by hand and mutter some incantations.

‘’vide magica.’’

The divination ritual spell takes hold, and Gale sees the traces of magic. Psionic, and very familiar.. One he had only rid himself off months ago. Netherse magic. Tav must’ve retained a semblance of his illithid abilities to make that forceful jump forward. The psionic energy lingered on the ground and the door..

The remainder of the arcane traces of weave he saw were much more worrying. A failed charm spell, and a disintegrate spell, unfired. 

‘’This is bad.’’ Gale mumbled, Jilvy was about to ask him what he meant by that when Tav came running back out of breath. He nearly tripped over a pile of toppled snow when he saw the wizard with his boss. 

‘’Tav! You’re back.. Oh dear. I’m sorry-’’ Jilvy puts her groceries down on the ground this time, not pausing to make sure it wouldn’t fall to its side.

Gale puts away the letter in his coat, silently watching the halfling comfort Tav as if he were a lost boy. 

Tav, out of breath, barely able to speak, manages to stutter. ‘’T..The- Door..’’

‘’Dharma.’’ Gale can barely hear the name as it falls from his lips, only to see Tav shockingly look behind him, trying to find Dharma. He figured out she went after Tav because of his visits.. Tav’s reaction speaks volumes.

‘’Dharma who? She owes me a new door. The brat.’’ Jilvy continues patting Tav’s back as he’s trying to regain composure. ‘’I’m fine..’’ He mutters, walking over to grab her groceries for her, the halfling stops him midway. ‘’You’re not fine! You’re sweating rivers in the middle of a very cold winter evening!’’ She pulls his hands away and holds them together.

‘’Come, come, come inside. Tell me what happened.’’ She nods to Gale, suggesting he better join them.

Tav, nauseous from his experience, takes a moment to recuperate so Jilvy serves him a hot drink. Not tea, chocolate milk.

He takes a large gulp before he speaks his story, retelling from his weird night time experiences and hearing movements.. To the visit during closing hours and being pursued.

‘’Why didn’t you ask the guards for help? No- you would.. They’re.. Ugh, no matter! Those folks are too busy trying to catch a homicidal freak. Dharma owes me a door and food supplies!’’ Jilvy huffs. ‘’Has no one respect for small business owners these days?’’

Jilvy stops mid tantrum when she takes notice of Tav’s posture stiffening. ‘’And my dear employee, of course.’’ She puts her hand on his, trying to comfort him.. Tav’s stiffness does not let up. He lets out a nervous breath.

Gale raises his eyebrows at that. There’s a homicidal freak going around neverwinter? He’s only been here for little more than a week and he’s never heard of it. ‘’Homicidal freak..? I thought neverwinter was the most civilised place out there.. Well, I guess Volo doesn’t know the splendours of Waterdeep very well.’’ He jests, referencing a quote of one of Volo’s guides.

Then again.. There was some commotion in the town squares not too long ago. Perhaps he overlooked something, too busy with his vacation activities.

‘’Aye, red curved dagger. Attacked a wintershield guard during his off duties. Unusual, there’s posters of it drawn up everywhere.’’ Jilvy interrupts his thoughts.

The description, it just.. It just clicks. For Gale at least. A red curved dagger.. Unusual design, and the only likely culprit.. Tav may appear nervous on the outside from Dharma’s murder attempt, but he might in fact be hiding for committing a crime.. Whatever for? 

Tav wasn’t someone who’d just lash out against authority figures on a whim. He was very particular about avoiding the flaming fist while they were trying to figure out how to get rid of the steel watch.

‘’I’ll make sure to write a lengthy report to the blackstaff academy, if you could.. Write a complaint I can add, seeing as your business was damaged in the drama of uh.. This student’s behaviour.’’ Gale swallows. ‘’If you could, keep it out of the wintershield’s hands, I aim to look for Dharma and have her sent off as soon as possible. This is my problem to begin with.’’ He searches his pockets for his wallet. ‘’And mine to fix..’’

‘’No, no.. I can’t just take your money, dear. I’ll write a lengthy report of expenses with my complaint.’’ Jilvy answers. ‘’I prefer earning it the normal way. Besides, Tav is a victim here as well. And.. You two need to talk.’’ She brushes gently against Tav’s arm, giving his hand another squeeze. ‘’Just yell my name if you need me, dear.’’ Then, she departs with the bag of groceries in hand, not before putting a curtain in place of the broken door.

The chill creeps in, Gale takes a sip of his cup of water, watching Tav’s absent-minded eyes for a moment. He can see him shiver.

‘’Do you remember me?’’ Gale asks, finally. And to his dismay, Tav’s eyes remain the same. He looks to him as if he’s a barely familiar stranger.

‘’You’re the wizard that’s here on vacation.. Gale, right?’’ Tav answers, he brushes his hand through his hair, fidgeting with his cup.

Gale tries to figure out if now is really the best time to break the news.. Tav is vulnerable, but he isn’t sure how vulnerable.

 ‘’Yes, that’s correct.’’ He pauses. ‘’And I came here, looking for you.’’ He looks into his water, avoiding eye contact.

Tav stammers a bit, he puts his cup down and avoids looking at Gale as well. ‘’A-ah..’’ The room grows quiet as more of the eerie wind outside creeps in.

‘’..Am I a bad person..?’’ Tav whispers.

‘’What..?’’

‘’..I.. Must be.. I keep seeing these flashes..’’

Gale isn’t sure how to answer that, but it does answer some of the riddles.. Tav’s amnesia is definitely traumatic. He should’ve known. The signs were all there.. The absent eyes, the apathy and gloom. His self-neglect, he isn’t acting like himself.

‘’I think I’m being punished.’’ Tav sobs, hiding his face in his hands. ‘’You came looking for me.. I don’t even know if I deserve it-’’ He wails softly, trying to hold back his cries and plants his face on the table.

Gale stands from his seat and sits beside him with his knees on the floor, pulling Tav from his position into a hug. ‘’You were a hero. At least to me.’’ He allows him to stain his coat with tears and mucus as Tav continues to cry in his confusion. When he calms down, he wipes the snot from his nose, looking uncomfortable from his own actions.

‘’I don’t even know who you are.’’

Gale gives him a gentle smile and grabs his hand, reassuring him. ‘’I’ll tell you all you want to know my friend.. But first, I need to take care of this Dharma problem. I endangered you necessarily.. This is my fault. You shouldn’t be..’’ Gale shakes his head. ‘’I’ll come back, make sure to stay with your boss, Jilvy, you’re safe here.’’

Tav looks confused by his words and gentleness, the wizard is determined to act and return as soon as possible so he could help Tav. To repay the favour. 

It wasn’t too long ago Gale had spent days thinking of ending his own life.. And Tav was the one to tell him he deserved to live. And live he did.. Time is of the essence.

…

It wasn’t just Gale who was concerned with spending his time wisely. The next day, Astarion stumbled on towards the tavern, noticing the posters plastered all over the windows. As a Tiefling adventurer, he did look a little similar to his noble Elf self.. But only a keenly trained eye could notice the similarities. His curls were black and long, and so were his sclera dark and intimidating in this form. The red skin and ridges matched with glamoured armour did a lot for this disguise. Attractive on its own, he thinks.

He casually stood there, reading the advertisements the tavern owner had put up.. Something about a book club and a bookstore offering discounts for members.

He pondered for a moment if he should just knock on the door and act as an oblivious customer when a halfling popped the crooked door open and started chattering about the posters to him.

Astarion barely listened to her rambling when he turned around and smiled friendly.

‘’..And I suppose I could really hire someone to look after my employee.’’

Oh, damn. He really should’ve listened to what she was saying.

Given the context, this was Tav’s boss.. She likely heard of the attack yesterday and worried about him. A little odd, he thought. This halfling spends money to protect her lone employee..? A motherly look in her eyes softened his suspicious concerns for her reasoning.

But.. The door looked awfully damaged.. Perhaps she was just looking out for her business.. No, she could fire Tav from his job if she didn’t care for him. 

What an opportunity!

‘’You want to hire me as a bouncer..? For your.. Tea tavern?’’ Astarion asked, making sure.

‘’Yes, that’s what I was getting at, you look like the opportune sort? Fancy the job? I don’t want my employee and customers to worry though.. So you could pretend to be a regular.’’ The halfling nodded, clearly happy with her idea.

‘’That makes sense.. I’m expensive though.’’ Astarion thought about it, he needed to look professional to make sure the woman didn’t get second thoughts. ‘’To be honest, I think I ran into your employee yesterday- he was being chased by a.. Mage. Asked me to pretend to be his boyfriend. Are you sure hiring me is a good idea?’’

‘’Hmm.’’ Jilvy eyed his tiefling form, thinking long and hard. Then she grins. ‘’If you give me a discount on hiring you, you eat for free.’’ This halfling.. He liked her attitude. ‘’Just don’t eat all my supplies, deal?’’

‘’I wouldn’t dream of it. My name is..’’ He paused, trying to think of a good tiefling name. He had to decide fast so hoped the name wasn’t too unusual for a tiefling. ‘’Morlock.. Grey.’’ He’d almost used Karlach’s last name, but that wouldn’t be good for cover. If his friends were around, they’d put one and two together.

‘’Your name means Black Grey? Huh. Parents weren’t the creative sort.’’ The halfling then realised her tone may have been a bit.. Offensive. ‘’Oh, sorry. That was unprofessional. I am Jilvy fogwater.’’

‘’Hah! I’m a tiefling Ma’am. I don’t need to explain my.. Past, obviously.. It’s not the pleasant kind, all too common for someone growing up with horns and a tail.’’ He figured that she wouldn’t ask more, considering how he remembers the elturel tiefling refugees being treated by their surroundings. All tieflings experience some sort of discrimination. Many aren’t even born to tiefling parents..

Jilvy grows a sympathetic look, she stares at the ground for a moment. ‘’Well, nice to meet you, Morlock.’’

‘’Let's talk business, how many hours per day? How much? Will I be paid weekly or per hours?’’

‘’I knew I liked you from the moment I saw you, Morlock.’’

‘’Likewise.. Mrs fogwater.’’

He follows her into the tavern, partially listening to Jilvy pretending that he’s signing up for the book club and discussing the latest hot novella gossip.

He’s only been there barely three seconds when his eyes meet with Tav again. He doesn’t seem too surprised, just put off by a familiar face with a raised brow. Then, without a worry in the world he continues checking on his baked goods.. Working efficiently and unbothered by Astarion’s presence..

To him, there wasn’t Astarion though.. There was Morlock, the tiefling adventurer who’d saved him the day before.

‘’Aye, Tav, come here for a sec. I heard you met Morlock?’’ Jilvy chimes in, it's almost as if she read Astarion’s mind.

‘’Oh, yeah- I didn’t catch your name…B-before.. Hi.’’ He looks flustered. If only for a little bit, the glazed-over doll eyes disappear. There is a light in the darkness.

Even in this disguise, Astarion has some hold over him. Not that he can tell it’s Astarion though.. Which is the point.

But, that aside.. Astarion feels a little jealous at the looks he’s giving to Morlock.

So.. His plot thickens, while he schemes to create the perfect scenario to get Tav back in his arms, as soon as possible.

[actuallyevilgay]

Charmed: Morning After

A little epilogue to my oneshot Charmed. Ascended Astarion x male reader DNI if you're a minor. Contains nudity.

You feel stiff. Cold, empty. There’s barely any strength in your body to move, so you focus what strength you do have towards your fingers. ‘’Hmmgh..’’ You grunt as the sensation of soft silk soothes your aching fingertips.

The disorientation was making it difficult to figure out what transpired last time you were awake, so you simply waited for the stiffness to wear off. Except, it wouldn’t wear off at all.

Your head was spinning, everything’s heavy. Even your eyelids.

Suddenly, your sense of self returns you to a flash of the bed you are lying on, and you recall Astarion holding your wrist affectionately. The sting of his fangs in your skin.. A moan escapes your lips as you turn your head to the side. ‘’Ast..ar..’’ You can’t pronounce his name, it just tumbles out like a sigh. Your tongue rolls over the walls on the inside of your mouth to comfort it, but then the realisation hits you as you figure out that you’re incredibly dehydrated.. And the cause of it.

‘’Hmmhn..’’ An uncomfortable grunt escapes you again while you seek warmth on the silks. There’s a faint glow to your right, so you reach for it. You open your eyes to see the sun dancing on your skin.

‘’Ugh..’’ You try to sit up, but your body refuses, so you lay still. Readjusting somewhat, it would take a bit longer for you to get more accustomed to your surroundings. 

Flashes of the escape through the tunnels return to your mind’s eye, from the heartfelt confession towards the way it ended. Astarion, the sword stabbed through your chests.

You gently rouse yourself to make your arm reach for where the sword would’ve been.

‘’Gods..’’ The uncomfortable sensation of the scar tissue has you shiver. But it wasn’t fresh, closed up. Healed, but it was there. Sensitive as well, and not a little.

You remember the sword going all the way through your spine, pondering if it may have affected your ability to move around. But no.. You can move your arms just fine, everything is simply too heavy. And you are too tired..

Rubbing your hands together offers warmth by friction, but it is too little. You desperately try to roll towards the sunnier part on the bed, only to thud into something. Whatever it is, it’s warmer than you are. And thus, you remain put.

Unfortunately for you, it moves and rises, depriving you from the warmth you so crave.

‘’Tav..?’’ His voice rings through your ears, making you flinch.

Everything was too much.. ‘’I’m cold..’’ You mutter.

Astarion’s arms wrap around your still poorly dressed body, and you can feel your aching muscles start to relax more. The stiffness has yet to leave, but at least this was more comfortable. 

Little by little, you can feel more. The pounding headache, the absence in your chest. The dryness in the back of your throat, and a growling stomach.

Almost instinctively, Astarion perks up. He quietly ponders on what to say, not sure if you’re aware of what happened. His voice is warm as he finally speaks.

‘’I was willing to wait.’’ He states. ‘’But in that same moment, we were robbed of that time.’’ He sighs, struggling between emotions. On one, he appears elated. Happy that he finally had done it. On the other, he’s annoyed that he could not keep his promise right after he made it. He worries about how that makes you feel.

‘’It can’t be undone now.’’ Is all you can answer, planting your face against his chest. ‘’..I can smell the grime on me.’’ You add, noticing how overwhelming every sensation is as it returns to you. Astarion chuckles at that remark.

‘’You have time now.’’ Astarion caresses through your hair. ‘’I’m not leaving your side.’’

‘’If you need anything, all you have to do is ask.’’ He adds after a brief pause.

You two lay there quietly for a while as you process all your senses. Smell, Vision, sensation.. Thirst. The hypersensitivity calmed down eventually, allowing you to ask.

‘’I’m.. Thirsty.. Or hungry.. I don’t know if they’re the same.’’

With that, Astarion unfortunately releases you from his hold to get up and walk towards a cabinet near the bed. You manage to sit up and position yourself against a pillow. 

Now that you’re fully awake, you see the dirt of yesterday’s scuffle still on you. Dried blood, some yours, some not. Your old little party outfit that was ripped to shreds. And the scar..

For some reason you feel flustered, even if he has seen you bare before. The pants of the outfit remained, but the chilliness makes you cover up your nipples.

‘’I’ll draw you a warm bath, but first..’’ Astarion approaches you, holding a breakfast plate with only a cup on it. He puts it on your lap as he climbs back on the bed next to you.

The smell of the cup’s contents is almost intoxicating. You instinctively reach for it, but he stops you. Grabbing the cup himself and holding it out as you drink from it.

‘’Slowly..’’ You don’t listen to his words, you instinctively gulp it down as if it's liquid gold.

‘’Okay, that’s to be expected.’’ He wipes his thumb over your mouth as the rush makes you spill a little. He puts the empty cup down and observes your face.

‘’It doesn’t taste like iron.’’ While you lick the inside of your mouth, you notice the new fangs that have replaced your canines. Your tongue rolls a bit over them out of curiosity, but by doing so you cut yourself.

‘’Oof-’’ You flinch, not expecting them to be THAT sharp.. But here we are.

He looks amused by your expression and caresses your cheek gently before he rises from the bed again. By now you notice he’s wearing different clothes.

‘’How long have I..’’ You stop, the blood on your tongue keeps you from speaking comfortably.

‘’Almost an entire day.. I’ve been.. Busy. Getting things in order.’’ Astarion answers, he looks over his shoulder. ‘’I’m going to draw you a bath, and then we’ll.. Talk about it.’’

You watch him turn around a corner, there’s a folding screen acting as a privacy curtain. Behind it, you presume is the bath he keeps talking about. You can hear the subtle movements of everything he does even though you don’t see it. Drawing water, pouring perfume into the bath, and feeling it to make sure it's warm enough.

Some flush falls to your cheeks, the blood that reaches your stomach has kicked in..You take the opportunity to get up from the bed to stretch, cracking your shoulders and back muscles.

While Astarion continues to prepare the bath, you gather your thoughts back to the scar..

It must look really ugly, but would your reflection have remained..? Your hand trails down on your back to find the other end of the scar, it's more subtle, smaller. Like a tiny slit from the other end of the sword, right next to your spine.

You turn around to see Astarion watching you, he observes happily until your eyes meet. Then there’s.. A hint of shame in his eyes. Guilt.

‘’We don’t need to talk about it.’’ You say, walking up to him. ‘’It’s already happened.’’

You place your hand on his chest in hopes to comfort him, he grabs it and intertwines your fingers, squeezing you. ‘’Whatever happens next.. I want you to stay with me.’’ He puts your hand to his lips and places a gentle kiss. ‘’I can’t let you leave, not again.’’ You expect him to compel you.. Heck, even charm you again.. But no. It’s less of a demand even if he words it so, it's more a request. He can’t be without you anymore.

‘’Tav, I’ll do everything I can to give you a comfortable.. Happy life. But-’’ You stop him with a kiss, holding him by the collar of his shirt. He kisses back, before he can get more out of you, you pull away.

‘’You’re still full of surprises..’’ Astarion’s eyes are wide and he smiles. ‘’I made up my mind.’’ You answer, confirming your desire to stay.

‘’Tav..’’

Your hands trail down his chest as you turn towards the bath and slowly undress the remainder of your clothes in front of him, eagerly stepping into the warm water. ‘’Aah..’’ You moan, comfortably setting in. ‘’It smells nice.’’

‘’I’ve put out some clothes for you, please let me know if they’re not to your taste..’’ Astarion gestures to a little table with neatly folded garments. You eye them, thinking they’re likely your exact measurements.. You ponder if this is what he meant with getting things in order, but it is more likely remembered by heart.

You give him a nod of approval, and he turns around, lost in thought. Even with his back turned, you could tell he was smiling. You swore you could tell how he was feeling by his scent.. Which was a bit weird to you.

‘’Are you joining me or not?’’ You eye him, hearing how his fingers work down the clasps on his vest. 

Once he’s finished, he steps in the water and immediately gets close to you.

‘’You’re so beautiful.’’ He mutters dreamily, putting his hand on your cheek and observing your features. ‘’All yours.’’ The words come out of you with a breath, he grins in response.

‘’Finally.’’ There is a sense of release, satisfaction. In the tone of his voice, you can hear his relief. This is the exact thing he’s been waiting for you to say for a long time.

‘’Finally..’’ He repeats, a tear streams down his cheek and he sighs.

Astarion’s fingers trail down the scar on your chest, making you flinch. He gently caresses it, moving towards your neck and finding the bitemarks he left last night. You hadn’t noticed them before. You take a moment to look at your wrist, seeing marks there as well.

He then gently holds your chin to redirect your attention.

‘’I have everything I have ever wanted. You’ve given me.. Everything.’’ He pauses, smiling. ‘’Thank you.’’

You’re finally home.

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 5)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Ascended Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Astarion is scheming a plot to get the guards off Tav's back. Tav is dealing with weird feelings at the tavern. Reminders: Astarion is the vampire ascendant, Tav is not a heroic figure. Contains headcanons for several characters, contains headcanons for illithid brain alteration but not evolving. Tav uses daggers and magic. Astarion is an Arcane Trickster Rogue. I created several npcs. Some Neverwinter lore is mentioned but might not be lore friendly. Content Warnings: Tav suffering from depression / ptsd, self-neglect. A/N: Heyy I post to ao3 now too! it is under username actualevil. It's been a while but I found some energy to work on it c: There's a lot- hope you enjoy!

.......

‘’Please.. I’ve told you everything already- I confessed! Why are you doing this?’’

‘’Confessed? You committed worse than a crime. You put your hands on him.’’

The once so proud and corrupted guardsman was reduced to a shaking mess, tied to a chair. The bruises on his body left him marked and mostly discoloured, you’d think he was a blueberry, if it weren’t for the fact that he had been turned into a spawn. Undead. Pale.

‘’Tell me, pig. What makes you think you’re- Oh, so charming? What gave you the impression you had the authority to do whatever you wanted to whomever you wanted?’’ Astarion hovered above him, boot resting on his victim’s knee.

‘’I…’’  Almost in a shameful tone, the guardsman is compelled to speak his truth. ‘’I thought myself irresistible, for my age.. My hair and beard alone being my proudest features-’’

Before he could continue on about how infatuated he was with his own face and body, Astarion laughed to himself, as if he had been told the most ridiculous joke in history.

‘’Your hair?’’ It took a moment for him to come down from his laughter. ‘’Well, if I had to pick something.. Hmm.’’ His thoughts trailed off, kicking the kneecap of the man, causing him to fall on his back in the hair. ‘’What a waste.’’ Astarion mumbled to himself. ‘’Time should be spent pondering about more important things, but if you’re that attached to it, I suppose… Vand could shave it all off.’’ 

While he rambled, he spinned Tav’s curved blade in his hand.  ‘’Eyebrows included.’’ He eyed the guardsman, not able to see his expression from this position.

Astarion walked back so he could lift up the chair, bringing his face close to the guardsman. He drinked in the fear on the man’s face, and his smirk grew. ‘’How- How would one ever grow tired of expressions like these?’’ He let out a joyful sigh as he dropped him to the floor again.

‘’Perhaps my old, old, buried.. Dead and gone- Master, understood one thing at least.’’ As it rolled out of his mouth, a wash of disgust flew over him. ‘’But no, I am not that plain. There are other uses for you.’’ He turned around to watch Vandelion lift the man up in his chair again, holding a shaving knife. ‘’I could beat you up some more as satisfying as that is, but I’d rather see you put to death by the person you wronged.’’ He pointed the curved dagger towards the man’s neck. ‘’Luckily for you, I can just compel you to take the stage yourself, seeing as you’re a pretty good actor already.. But what if..’’

He paused, pacing around while unsheathing Orin’s other weapon from his side, a short sword. ‘’Poor, poor, old guardsman- Corrupted, greedy. Shameful. He tried to commit one of the worst crimes imaginable on an innocent, then frame the victim as an attempted murderer.. How unfortunate for him, that the victim’s friends came to his hospital bed and killed him- Oh! But it doesn’t end there..’’ He twists the blade in his hand. ‘’The man woke up from his grave, undead. He wants revenge..’’ Astarion crosses the dagger and blade together, pausing a moment.

‘’And when he tries to exact his revenge, out in the open, in public.. His guilt compels him to save his soul- to confess to all his sins in public view..’’ He lifts the blades up, pointing them to the ceiling. ‘’Theatrical, but who will give the finishing blow..? Your victim? The public? Or yourself..’’ He turns his head to Tyselius entering the room, who had been too captured by his master’s performance to speak up.

Astarion sheathes the short sword before putting the dagger away as well. ‘’Hmm.’’ He paces around, wanting to finish his monologue dramatically.

‘’Such a hard choice, I’d rather leave it up to the future audience.’’ He waves his hand, gesturing to Vandelion that he was finished speaking and could now shave the man’s head.

Tyselius makes a bow, before revealing his find. ‘’I’ve searched over the area, the inn’s keeper described Tav’s appearance as a dishevelled young beggar.. The trail went cold, but then I found boots with the same scent as the dagger tossed away in some fishmonger shed.’’ He revealed the scraps that remained of Tav’s old boots. Astarion was nearly overcome with emotion at the sight, reaching out before backtracking his hand. They were dirty and covered in mold at this point. ‘’That can’t be good..’’ He muttered.

 ‘’I’ve followed the trail further, but it grows cold every time in the same area. A fountain in the middle of one of the city’s business squares. It’s a very busy area.’’ Ty put the boots down, the smell was getting to him. ‘’..Should I toss them?’’

‘’No.. I need..’’ Astarion paused. ‘’Just put them in the corner for now, just in case.’’

Ty winched as he grabbed the boots again, slowly walking over to a corner while Astarion collected his thoughts. He looked back to the dagger. ‘’Soon, I’ll be reunited with my other, just like these two blades..’’ The spark in his eyes returned, glowing with obsession. ‘’Forgive me, my love..’’

The guardsman listened in still, even in his miserable position he dared to plot ahead, taking in account all the information provided here. He wouldn’t be able to withstand the commands of his new master, but perhaps the situation could still be set in his favour.. He just had to be smart. For now, he would sob and cry as Vandellion shaved him, sniffling pathetically.

‘’My living yet undead lungs are in need of fresh air.’’ Astarion spoke again after a long silence. ‘’To plot ahead, get all the right pieces in place.. I need to locate Tav.’’ His scheming mind snickered at the play he had begun to orchestrate.

With a deep inhale, the elf focussed his collective memory, recalling the distinct scent of Tav’s blood. If Tyselius could not find the rest of the trail with just the smell of moldy boots, then it was up to Astarion himself.

He didn’t plan on meeting Tav directly however. That reunion had to wait, he didn’t know what state Tav was in.. And so, the vampire ascendant disguised himself again, this time taking the guise of a young handsome tiefling with curly black locks as he climbed the stairs to the main floor. He could hear the corrupt guardsman whine while closing the cellar door behind him.

Operating in Neverwinter had some pros and cons, while he couldn’t bestow his protection over the city the same way he could in baldur’s gate, his spawn did not have to worry.

Keeping a low profile and sticking to the shadows was a skill Astarion was all too familiar with. His bodyguards and assassins were essentially trained with those skills in mind.

Vandelion and Tyselius could operate just fine without their sunwalking regent during the day.. Something tells him they’re positively enjoying the work he left them behind with.

For now, he strolled in his disguise, tracing back the trail Tyselius spoke of. From the fishery to the town square with the fountain.

There were several town squares with fountains in neverwinter, but he went directly to the most populated one. From there, he took a minute to observe his disguise in the reflection of the ice water. 

It wasn’t that long ago that running water once burned through his body like acid, and now a wading river was merely pleasantry on hot summer days. It being winter, it could look strange to the average pedestrian to dip your fingers in ice cold water absentmindedly.

Sniff. Astarion takes a deep breath. Ah! There it is- The trail Ty spoke of. It was faint, a couple of weeks old. But the distinct flavour of Tav’s sweat filled Astarion’s head with memories, it was overwhelming. The emotions nearly punched him out of his disguise spell. No! Hold.. Think..

Adrenaline, and.. Other hormones coated the smell. Fear.

Tav’s sweat had been coated in fear when he walked here.. Or ran? Astarion paced around a bit and sat down on the fountain’s bench, observing the snowflakes that fell from the sky.

He closed his eyes to observe the trail in his inner vision, seeing the faint silhouette of Tav change colour in the back of his mind. 

The colour changed a few more times, only to come back to a dull, blueish grey, a stillness you would only be able to observe during the hours of dusk in the evening. 

Once the blueish grey became so still that it was nearly invisible, would another silhouette appear.. That of someone the size of a gnome.. Or halfling. Dwarf? No, there was a distinct earthy but flowery smell, it had to be a halfling.

The silhouette touches Tav’s dull grey colour, and his silhouette stills even more, shrinking.

Any emotion or hormonal response that lingered in the trail of his sweat faded the second the halfling touched his hand..

Astarion tried to focus on the smell of this person, only to see it walking off with their tiny arm stretched outwards, pulling whatever invisible glimmer of Tav’s silhouette remained towards a different direction.

When his eyes opened again, he had returned to the busy festive view of Neverwinter. People flocked around, loud sounds.. Children screaming and playing. Parents yelling, and merchants trying to keep up with growing lines of impatient customers.

Amongst the chaos, of course- even a Professional as Ty would potentially lose track of the subject he had to trace.. But Astarion was from a different Caliber, a Vampire lord, nay! The vampire ascendant. His senses were superior, above any spawn and meagre vampire lord.

Now.. Back to the hunt.

…….

Everything was going well, the bedrest certainly did you good. Jilvy’s clientele, however.. Had grown a lot over the weekend. And so, rush hour became a consistent thing.

With the expanding horizons of your patron’s business, came more chattier customers. Your short-witted and quiet responses for some reason gained you some popularity.

While the storm calmed, Jilvy had run out of wares due to some shortage of ingredients, thus leaving you to man the business on your own for a couple of hours while she went out to get fresh supplies.

Rush hour came and went, with a lack of cookies and snacks to sell, most folks lost quick interest beyond the occasional tea-crazy regulars. The quiet made you realise how much tension had built in your lower back so you took the moment to stretch.

‘’He’s so handsome.’’ The muttering came from a group of ladies settled in a corner right across the bar. With their eyes digging in your back you could swear you pulled a muscle and winched. ‘’Oof.’’ That little awkward display earned you a few giggles, making you feel nervous.

You weren’t sure how to respond to all the flirting that took place, shrugging it off and trying to stay professional.. It made you wonder if Jilvy’s intentions for hiring you were less and less motherly, and more business oriented. She definitely was thriving off how useful you made yourself.. But she mothered you too, pushing you back to take more than enough breaks when your body wore you down.

‘’It’s getting late.’’ You mumbled to yourself, checking back on the dishes that had piled up. Another couple of rubs and they were dry and ready to be used again.

The bell of the tavern door rang everytime someone left and entered the building, making you perk up instinctively.

‘’Certainly not late enough for another cup of tea?’’ A handsome, human man around your physical age had approached the bar. ‘’I swear, this has got to be the cutest tavern I’ve ever seen. I’m parched for a hot drink.’’

His blue eyes made you stall, unsure whether he was flirting or just looking for conversation.

A weird, flowery feeling came over your gut. ‘’Oh, right, what’s your poison? I mean- It’s not alcoholic- Or poisonous.. Uhm..’’ You stuttered over your words, earning more giggles from the ladies in the corner.

‘’Surprise me.’’ He didn’t take too long while looking at the menu. 

‘’Uh..’’ It gave you pause.

‘’I’m-’’ You wanted to tell him this wasn’t your brightest skill. ‘’I mean, Are you-’’ You paused again. ‘’Sir, you could be allergic to mint.. I’m sorry-’’ All the while his big beautiful eyes looked at you. Why were you being weird?!

‘’Oh! How considerate..’’ Your flustered attitude seemed to have an effect on him, his sudden confidence withdrawing. He looked over the menu, blushing. ‘’Winterberry special.. Now that sounds immaculate.’’ 

It didn’t take you long to fulfil the order and pour his drink, popping in the corresponding bag of leaves and herbs in the hot water.

He paid for his drink and sat at the bar, quietly flicking a spoon with honey through his drink while your eyes drifted with the motion. 

You shook your head, unable to discern the meaning behind your emotions. Anxiety? Yes, certainly.. But beyond that empty overwhelming and loud noise that thrummed in the back of your head, was a warmth.

This man was attractive, very attractive, and it was having an effect on you. The feeling seemed to be somewhat mutual. He avoided your gaze notably.

You clutch the fabric on your chest as you turn around to sort your freshly cleaned cutlery.

Whatever this feeling is, it’s kind of nice.

The warmth unfortunately dissipated soon after, like a weight came back to shove it down your guts. And then, nothing. A quiet.

Only for the quiet to be distilled in a throb as you turned your head back to glance at the human while he took a sip. He nearly choked when your eyes met.

Your own identity had been a mystery for some time, but this was somewhat familiar. Attraction. You liked men, and you liked men liking you back. A piece of who you were had been returned to you, giving back an influx of emotions you didn’t know you were capable of.

It made you fidget with your apron, quietly counting the minutes it took for him to finish his drink and eventually leave.

The sensation dropped again, a certain gloominess overcame you when he said his friendly goodbyes and left, the door’s bell echoed through your skill.

There was a unanimous disappointed ‘’D’aww.’’ From the group of ladies who had watched and observed the entire spectacle, all the while quietly finishing their drinks.

Given the hour and decrease of customers, it was probably a good idea to start wrapping up for the day. Jilvy seemed to be taking her sweet time.. You weren’t too worried about her, she probably got caught up in a conversation and was networking on the streets.

The last of the regular customers left, loudly giving their goodbyes and complimenting you on your work ethic. Now the tavern was empty, only with the memory of the doorbell ringing in the back of your head.

There was a long silence before you could feel something shift around the place, only to sit itself in front of you.

A flash of bright orange hair dye reminded you of the first time you met the holiday regular Gale. He wasn’t around today, but this person.. This was Dharma.

‘’Oh, I didn’t hear you, I was preparing to close.. I’m unfortunately still out of snacks, but there’s enough hot water left for a single cup of tea.’’ Your words came out almost robotic, rehearsed. Fast, stumbling.

Dharma didn’t respond, she placed her elbows on the bar and rested her head on the palms of her hands.

‘’Okay..’’ You looked dazed, a little confused. Usually people wouldn’t shut up after your first sentence. The quiet stare continued, leaving you to look at the door and ponder how Jilvy could take so long.

‘’I’ve been observing you.’’ Dharma confidently spoke, her tone was formal, almost like an authority figure.. Unlike the crazy, nervous tone she had around Gale when she followed him into the tavern that first evening. ‘’You seem to be a strapping young man, and.. If I’m correct, a bachelor?’’ She leaned in a little further as she said this.

‘’Do you have a girlfriend?’’ Her eyes sparked with something strange, but it didn’t take a hold of you, she blinked in confusion.

You could feel a strange energy thrum in the back of your head again, giving you a flashback towards that hellish moment with the guardsman..

Yes.. You stabbed him.. Felt his blood pour over you, a sick sense of satisfaction alongside it. But there was also terror, the need to run away from the violence. With that well of power sparked an explosion, shooting you out of the inn and into the water.

The flashback ended, and you could see Dharma’s eyes stare right through you intensely. ‘’What?’’ Your response was a near whisper.

‘’Do you have a girlfriend?’’ Dharma repeated, staring you down almost predatory.

You wanted to say no, but her advances were putting you on edge.

Without much further thought behind it, remembering the strange breeze you’ve been feeling during the night.. The sound of rats running around in the wardrobe near your bed, and the storage cupboard in the hallway.. No rat is human-sized. And there was no door bell to alert you of Dharma’s entry into the building just now.. Perhaps that would explain how Jilvy ran out of food so fast?

‘’I- I have a boyfriend.’’ In the back of your head, your mind recalled the brief encounter you had with the beautiful man earlier. Hoping that if she did indeed sneak around here, she might have observed your awkwardness earlier.

But.. That didn’t seem to change her mind. ‘’It’s Gale, isn’t it? He’s here.. To sneak around and.. Cheat on me.’’

‘’What?’’ You worded in disbelief. No, she didn’t come here to stalk you.. Of course not. This weirdo was convinced the wizard was here for you! But why? You never even talked to him. And- Cheat? Oh gods.. This woman is nuts.

‘’My charm spell didn’t work on you, but that doesn’t matter. I’ll remove you, and he’ll return to Waterdeep. Sit tight, it won’t take long!’’ While she spoke the words in a cheerful tone, and moved her hands to cast a spell, the thrumming energy that was building up earlier burst out of you, causing you to dash forward with psionic energy and swing right out of the door.

‘’I’m going to find my boyfriend- Bye!’’ Is all you could utter, hoping it would keep her from chasing you down in public.. 

Certainly the guard would not take kindly to an attempted public murder attempt, only for you to quickly remember that you have done the same yourself not too long ago.

Shit.

Without a weapon to defend yourself, all you could rely on were these strange bursts of power, bursts that gave you horrible headaches and made you lose sight of where you were walking..

You took your chances and avoided the guards, running down a street, stumbling only to see Dharma chase after you. She was much slower, and thus you kept running.

A few turns later brought you to an empty alleyway, familiar enough for you to know where you were. Just a couple of turns and you could hide in a busy town square.. However, seeing as it was getting late, hiding in the crowd might not be ideal. There weren’t enough people walking around at this hour to get lost between.

Turning your head around and round while catching a breath, you got spooked by the slightest hint of orange in your near vicinity, only to realise it was just a carpet hanging on someone’s window. Perhaps you had shaken her off for now.

Then, as you regained your balance, your eyes with those of a tiefling. Earlier you’d hoped to run into the handsome man again, but the tiefling looked like.. An adventurer. Perhaps he’d be more understanding of your situation.

The tiefling however, had frozen in place at the sight of you, causing you to freeze as well.

This sensation wasn’t pleasant, but you had to fight through it, Dharma could enter the alley any moment.

You could call out for help, but no words would leave your mouth, so you awkwardly strutted over to him, whispering loudly. ‘’Please- For a moment- Could you pretend to be my boyfriend?’’ You grit your teeth at how awkward the request must sound, looking over your shoulder, wary of the colour orange.

The Tiefling had a strangely calm aura around him, his shocked and startled expression faded and gave you a familiar, warm smile. He was about to speak when you could smell the arcane energy of whatever spell the woman was holding.

‘’THERE YOU ARE! You fiance-stealing-piece of shit-’’ Dharma’s voice rattled on about whatever insane delusions she had come up with the past week. You took your chance and hid behind the Tiefling, who tensed up as you brushed against him.

‘’What seems to be the problem, miss?’’ The tiefling’s voice was stern, mature. He kept up an act. ‘’Why are you chasing my darling around town?’’ Darling. That word made you feel weird.

‘’Wait.. Does he have a boyfriend? Oh.’’ Dharma lowered her hands, her magic waning.

‘’So you weren’t..’’ Dharma paused, trying to process this new information. 

‘’This all seems to be a big misunderstanding.’’ Dharma smiled with a teethy expression, stumbling. ‘’I thought he was.. No. Sorry.’’ She grew quiet.

Then she pulled her head upwards, almost in a sense of clarity. ‘’You don’t look like you’re dating, though. I’ve never seen you at the tavern before.. This is.. a ruse!’’ The mage put her hands back together, ready to load up whatever insane spell she was ready to cast earlier.

‘’I assure you, you don’t want to do that.’’ The Tiefling confidently placed his hand around yours, interlocking your fingers. You squeezed his hand, trembling.

‘’Murdering a young couple out on the streets.. Wouldn’t that be a crime?’’ His voice.. It was teasing, challenging. And his eyes, malice. He wanted her to try. 

To give him a reason to kill her out in the open. But.. He kept his composure. There was intelligence behind the quiet aggression.

For a stranger you’ve only just met, he seemed pretty heroic to you. It did concern you a little though.. What if.. The second Dharma was dealt with, the tiefling would turn on you? It’d be back to running off.. No more tavern.. No more Jilvy.. No more bed.. Just ice cold neverwinter and guards you could not trust. Hide.. Please let me hide.. You thought.

Then, he gave you a reassuring squeeze, the tension disappeared. ‘’Have you nothing to say for yourself, mage?’’ The tiefling spoke up again. Dharma began to mumble incomprehensibly. Her spell dissipated again. She started pulling at her orange dyed hair, then turned around.. And just walked off.

You let out a loud wheeze of air, realising you held your breath earlier. On reflex, you pull your hand away and stumble, leaning on the wall of the alley. ‘’Fuck.’’

The tiefling turns to you, with a worried look. ‘’Are you alright, T- … Terribly sorry.. Take your time.’’ his stutter caught you off guard, almost as if he was about to speak your name.

You took a few deep breaths, ‘’Thank you,’’ holding on to the wall behind you, ‘’I’m grateful-’’ And then you turn around and just.. Unwind whatever bile had risen in your stomach and release it to the cold snow. ‘’.. There goes my lunch.’’ You mutter as you wipe your mouth.

….

It’s Tav! As the scene had unfolded in front of him, he almost did not recognize his dearest treasure. He looked out of breath, scared. The scent of his adrenaline had led Astarion straight to him.

He wasn’t as dishevelled as Astarion thought he would be.. Tidied up.. But, thinner. His hair was a little longer than he’d remembered. And his eyes had lost some of their once so rich colour.

He was excited.. And frightened, when he stumbled over towards him asking for help. That was all it took for Astarion to keep on his mask and pretend to be this strong willed and helpful Tiefling adventurer..

When the insane wizard walked off, he quietly cursed the fires in his mind that craved to kill her on the spot.. No, he couldn’t just kill at random without understanding the situation.

Everything was going well.. And then Tav threw up his lunch from the shock. He wanted to hold him, pat his back, tell him everything was going to be alright.. But right now, he wasn’t Astarion. He was some random tiefling adventurer, so he had to act the part.

He needed to know where Tav had been hiding all this time.

‘’Nasty.. I would’ve done the same if I was in your position.’’ He turned his disguised face to look at the footsteps Dharma left behind in the snow. ‘’I mean the vomiting, walking up to strangers and asking them to pretend to be their boyfriend though..? An unusual call for help. What was she after?’’ Astarion eyed Tav as he leaned on the wall, trying to balance himself.

‘’I don’t know.. She’s nuts.’’ He paused, recollecting his thoughts. ‘’She’s some student that chased after her teacher into the tavern I work at.’’ 

‘’And.. I take it she was stalking this teacher?’’ Astarion quickly read into the situation with the new context.

‘’Yes, she was practically begging him to marry him.. I think after my boss sent her away, she must’ve snuck into my room somehow and hid there for .. Weeks? Gods.. She was plotting to kill me.’’ 

From the strange rant Dharma had earlier, she likely convinced herself she was going to marry this teacher.. He probably was a regular customer.. Tav is wearing an apron. He works at the front of the bar in a tavern, then. It all comes together..

‘’She was plotting to kill me..’’ Tav repeated, sinking to the snowy stone floor. His facial expression contorted with one of fear and withdrawal.

‘’Hold on,’’ Astarion reached out with his hand. ‘’I’ll stick around as long as you need. Talk to me.’’ Tav quietly took his hand and allowed him to pull him up.

‘’Okay.’’

Tav guided him down the street, holding his hand tightly for a moment as they walked a bit, he tensed up and released Astarion’s hand. ‘’Sorry-’’

‘’It’s alright. You work at a tavern?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’You smell awfully fruity though, are you sure?’’

‘’Oh, it’s.. It’s not the kind that serves alcohol. I pour tea.’’

‘’Wouldn’t that make it a teahouse..?’’

‘’No-no. More like a tiny restaurant, but operated like a tavern I guess.. There’s a bar.’’

‘’That sounds like a teahouse.’’

‘’Well my boss says it's a tavern, so.. I think it’s a tavern..?’’

The awkward silence cut in, making Astarion withdraw from his usual cool and get lost in Tav’s eyes. He definitely changed, but he hadn’t aged. The clothes he was wearing were concealing the loss of weight, his hair was messy but it wasn’t dirty. His hands were covered in bandages from small cuts, the kind you get from peeling potatoes.

He had been here working all this time.. Forgetting about Baldur’s gate, forgetting about him.

Perhaps he shouldn’t have worried so much.. No. Tav was in danger just now!

He didn’t seem happy at all. Astarion could smell the hormones in his sweat, and combine that reading with his expression. Behind all the masking and fearful spikes of adrenaline was a stilling emptiness, something familiar.

The chill of illithid magic that he had used during their adventure resonated off of him, quietly. Subtly. Psionic magicks. 

Netherse magic, a remainder.. There’s no tadpole left in his head. There couldn’t be. He’d have transformed long ago. Whatever brain-altering the tadpoles he’d absorbed have done, it left a mark.

‘’Oh SHIT- SHIT! I left the door unlocked- Jilvy could come back any moment-’’ Tav erupted, turning around and about to wander off. ‘’Sorry- I’m sorry, and thanks so much again! I’ll figure this out-’’ He sputtered, running off and not giving Astarion a chance to ask where he worked.

But that wasn’t a problem, he got Tav’s fresh scent now. It was only a matter of time..

And he had so many things to plot ahead.

[actuallyevilgay]

Just a little headsup, I recently made an ao3 account under the alias ActualEvil.

The 4 parts of the apathy is currently uploaded there!

Will edit this later with a link..

Edit: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActualEvil

[actuallyevilgay]

Astarion walks in on Tav, checking himself out.. Shenanigans?

Minors DNI.

Some mild male nudity, fluff, comfort.

Ah, the elfsong inn. Finally, a place of privacy and.. Dividers? The camp room left a lot to be desired. Bunking out like this and still being able to hear your companions snore? The average adventurer calls that a dream. Bonding through nightly noise complaints.

Astarion had seen Tav naked before, having managed to wringle himself into his pants. During the many adventures they've shared thus far, Astarion had come forward with his own insecurities.. Towards intimacy.

To his suprise, Tav didn't seem all too bothered, in fact, he was comforted by being told the truth. Tav never initiated anything afterwards.. The situation was awkward at times. One sight at this couple and people would just call them room mates.

He wanted to kiss him so badly. It made him pace around during the night. Astarion cursed under his breath when Gale's snoring kept him from entering his trance. He was starting to feel pent up. No.. This won't do. He has to talk to Tav.

Turning his heel, he walked off to were Tav was resting. Tav's bed was surrounded by several dividers.. That's new.

Pacing.. pacing.. The vampire finally decides to peek around the dividers and sees Tav looking at himself in the mirror. He appears to be looking at a scar on his back in particular. There's a nervous expression pressing on his face.

Not noticing the pale elf due to his lack of reflection, Tav turns a bit and lifts his skin to check out another scar. "Is this ever going to heal..?" He mumbles.

"They're not that bad." Astarion interrupts the man, making him nearly jump through the roof, but instead, Tav falls against one of his dividers. It falls over, making a soft papery thud sound.

"Shit.." Tav whimpers, pulling his blanket from the bed to cover himself up. "Since when are you prude?" Astarion grins, moving over to put the divider back were it was.

Tav plops down on his bed. "It's been a while, and.. How long have you been staring?"

A suspicious look befalls Tav's face, making Astarion flinch. "Only a minute, I wanted to talk to you."

"I thought you'd trance around this hour."

"Is that why you're up right now..? Hmm.. Suspicious."

Silence.

"Did.. I do something wrong?" Astarion eventually breaks the ice.

"I.. No. I've been wondering if I did something wrong myself, but I didn't want you to be uncomfortable."

"..Right."

"Do you.. want to stay the night?" Nervously, with a small smile, Tav presses his index fingers together while he speaks. "I mean- Just.. to cuddle. I'll put my shirt back on-"

Before Tav can finish that sentence, Astarion slips into the other's bed, pressing himself against his chest. "I forgot how warm you were." He whispers.

Tav frowns. "Oh. I'll try to be a bit more memorable.."

"And here I thought I was the insecure one.. By the gods. We are a mess." The elf presses his face against Tav's sternum. "Keep your shirt off." He then gently caresses Tav's side, taking in his warmth. "Did your heart rate just spike..? Love.."

"I want to kiss you."

Astarion holds his breath. "I thought you'd never ask."

[actuallyevilgay]

Are you still working on ''The Apathy'' ? It's been a while.

It's on pause for now, I have a lot of ideas for it but it takes time to write multi-chapter stuff since I want the pacing to be better. I don't have time to invest in it currently. Maybe during a holiday.

In the meantime I'm open to Drabble and one-shot requests and suggestions.

I might be open to NSFW stuff but I don't feel super confident to write smut openly yet.

[actuallyevilgay]

Nightmares aren't welcome guests, but here we are again. Another night were Tav's body rocks from side to side, struggling internally.

It was hard to tell the reason why, perhaps old memories resurfaced subconsciously only to be swallowed by the void of dreamless sleep.

Astarion had watched over him like he had done almost every other right, with furrowed brows and concerns lodged in the back of his throat. It took some time for the vampire lord to even consider nudging his love awake. While he disliked disturbing his consort's sleep, this did not feel like it was giving him any rest otherwise.

Tav let out a gasp, adjusting to the candlelight. His eyes reflected light intensely, like a scared animal in the midsts of the night.. Or a predator, perhaps.

He turned to Astarion almost immediately, confused. "What's wrong? Are we being attacked?" The notion of Tav feeling unsafe for whatever reason was a punch in the gut to the vampire ascendant. "No, but given your nightly pattern, I'm starting to wonder if we are."

"Ah.. right." Tav's tired eyes had a spark of defeat in them. The man had his own past chasing him, yet he never eagerly shared the contents of his dreams. The terrors were never this prevalent before, increasing in intensity the past few weeks.

"If you weren't cold to the touch, I'd say you'd have a fever." Astarion put the back of his hand against Tav's front head. Instinctively, the skin to skin contact made Tav lean in.

"Oh, my dearest.." Astarion removed his hand and placed a kiss on his consort's fronthead.

"I'll manage.. I always have." Tav mumbles.

Astarion let out an annoyed sigh at that response, pressing him back into the bed. "You burden yourself unnessarily. Tell me what you need."

Moments pass in silence. "Just hold me when it happens. The shaking. I have to fight it somehow."

"A simple request." His eyes glister with a hint of unease, yet he allows Tav the space he needs. When the time comes, he'll tell him.

"I'll cover you, if you cover me." Tav responds with a gentle smile, reminiscing their camping days.

"Funny little thing." Astarion smirks. "Rest your eyes. I'm not leaving you alone for even a second."

With another sigh, Tav's conscious once more retreats from the waking world, fighting another battlefield of long-lost memories.

Astarion watches on, every gasp, every inhale and exhale. He tenses when his lover pinches him, clinging and burying himself while he dreams of painful things. Only when the rolling of his head stops, does Astarion dare to enter his trance.

Sleep comes, even for the wicked.

[actuallyevilgay]

Drabble.. haven't had time for fics.

Astarion holds his arms around Tav's naked form as he rests on the bed. Gently caressing some old faded scars, causing Tav to let out a half conscious gasp.

"What do I do with you..? Hmm." Astarion mumbles, watching his undead lungs softly inhale and exhale out of habit. Tav's chest rises up and down without a heartbeat.

"So cute.." Astarion chuckles, releasing his lover so he could better view him as he sat up. He could watch tav's tired serene form rest for hours, unwilling to disturb him.

Bliss.

[actuallyevilgay]

Oneshot: Charmed

Ascended Astarion x male reader DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove, don’t eat. Please read my about before replying.

Content Warnings: Some Mind Control through a spell, but not for explicit purposes. Tav has a brief history of being a reluctant sex worker but has worked through his trauma. Summary: Tav runs into Astarion 10 years after the defeat of the netherbrain at a party hosted in Baldur’s gate. Notes: Tav would be of a long living race for some context. Obviously spoilers for act 3 etc. No heroic Tav.

A/N: I will be returning to the Apathy sometime soon, but holidays are busy and I had this oneshot in mind.

……

You are healthy. At least that’s what you tell yourself, strong as you are.. Some things are worse than the scars of your body from all the fighting you had to do ten years ago. Before the mind flayers and the tadpole, your life had been a mess. Living as a criminal and thief, willing to do anything morally questionable in order to survive. You shut off the part of yourself that was empathetic towards others, only to regain some of it when you made friends for the first time.

They didn’t know when they met you, what you’ve been through. And even as you told them, you could scarcely feel anything towards it yourself. Not until Astarion. Not until you met someone who understood. If anything, you thought what happened to him was even worse, but he refused to let you think that way. He couldn’t accept that.

When you were a young adult, one of your heists had gone severely wrong, a Zhentarim agent captured you. To repay your debts, you had to serve as a bed companion for some of the most heinous clients the organisation had. At the time, you didn’t care for the cost.. Just the outcome. Being a sex worker wasn’t all that bad, you had convinced yourself. You were treated well most of the time as long as you didn’t act out and did what you were asked to do. To play on every fantasy at the request of your paying customers.. Even if the money wasn’t yours to keep.

They provided you with clothing, food, and comfortable places to sleep. It was an exchange. Much better than sleeping on the streets and mobbing unwitting strangers.

The scars that were made during that time no longer itch and hurt. When the mind flayers for some reason decided to grab you on your way to escort someone, freedom was not something you had thought about in a very long time. The thought of having to find your own meals and make your own camp was strange and abnormal in the midst of everything. 

You could go anywhere you wanted. If not for the parasite problem that required fixing.

The adventuring days that followed left you with many beloved memories, as well as tearful ones. When Astarion tried to seduce you with his usual script, you simply looked him up and down and finished all his sentences, adding; ‘’I know what you’re doing.’’

‘’You’re not the only one looking for protection.’’

It wasn’t long until you ran into Zhentarim again, the dread sinked in.. And so your personal quest became a plot of revenge you didn’t know you so dearly wanted.

It was so satisfying to fight side by side and kill off every damn Zhent you could get your hands on. You took great pleasure in using your newfound strength and allies for this purpose.

The rage you had subdued before spilled out with every breath you took from them.

Equality was very important to you, equal exchange.. And so, you helped Astarion get his revenge and gain the powers he so craved.

You were in love with this man, and he had loved you in return. However.. During the night after the defeat of his torturer, Astarion’s choice of words put you off really bad. You hadn’t processed your trauma at the time, you hadn’t given it space.. It reminded you too much of something you’ve gone through before. A conversation you’ve had before.

‘’I’m not.. Ready to make such a commitment.’’ You hesitated, even if you wanted to be with him forever.. To be safe in his arms, it hit a little too close to home. He wasn’t the one who hurt you, yet your instincts made you brace yourself.. Set up walls. Keep him out.

His fears and anxieties of losing you made him overreach and speak out of turn, so you broke up with him out of fear and heartbreak.

The morning after was the worst memory of your already plentiful collection of awful memories. It broke you, over and over again. 

Maybe he had changed.. But you couldn’t judge him for craving power. You had craved power yourself, as it was something you literally never had access to before mindflayers kidnapped you. All you knew was petty crimes and reluctant servitude.

You didn’t hate it entirely after all.. Perhaps, had you been given the chance to become a sex worker on your own terms, choose your own clients and have your own autonomy, it wouldn’t have left you so damaged.

10 years pass by, The heroes of Baldur’s gate are invited to a party hosted as Wyrm’s crossing. Something about a statue being built in their honour.

When the invitation of Withers arrived at your doorstep, you weren’t on speaking terms.. With anyone for that matter. You avoided the city entirely. 

But this new invite, came to a Tav that had long since healed from his wounds. Come to terms with the things he’s been through. Embraced his sexuality, and grew more comfortable with the world around him.

In those ten years you’ve done all sorts of things, mostly adventure.. Solving mysteries, and occasionally helping your friends on their endeavours. Sometimes, you would re-indulge your vengeance and chase out whatever Zhentarim stronghold you could find on your travels. They feared you. They tried to be rid of you so many times.. But no, If you see Tav, try to be diplomatic. Screw that. If they dared to exist near you, they were as good as dead. And after some time, you rarely saw them again. Perhaps they had designed ways to avoid you entirely, business routes, hidden caches. As long as you didn’t see a Zhentarim symbol on your travels, you stopped caring about them.

One thing you hadn’t done was fall in love again. Gale had exclusively chased after you not too long ago, which you agreed to pursuing at first. Eventually Gale ceased his attempts at courting you, when he came to realise you were not over Astarion at all. 

‘’I’ve had my tribulations with my long lost affections for Mystra.. But Tav, this is different.’’

Gale eyed you with worried glances, his face had aged much the past ten years. You were trying. You wanted to fall in love again. You loved Gale, but it was clear you did not feel the same way as he did for you.

‘’I know we were planning to attend the party as a couple.. But I can’t let you do this to yourself.’’ Gale let out a deep sigh. ‘’Or to me, for that matter.’’

‘’Are you breaking up with me?’’ Your voice was more of a whispered mumble, rather than outright spoken. ‘’It.. It appears so.’’ Gale’s response made you realise he had matured more than you had the past 10 years. Not just physically. Emotionally.

You may have overcome the things that were done to you, but not your heartbreak. Whenever Gale wanted to talk badly about your past relationship, you shut down and refused to even think of Astarion that way. ‘’He has his reasons, he didn’t mean it.’’ Your defences barely made any stance. You were the one that ran away.

‘’What Astarion said to you was horrible, and if he wanted your forgiveness he should have chased after you, despite all his shortcomings.’’ Gale Reflected, only for you to stumble over your words and go silent.

‘’I can chaperone you at the party, Tav, so you don’t have to feel alone.. But let's not pretend this is something else anymore.’’ Gale put his hand over yours, giving you an assuring squeeze. ‘’I will always be your friend.’’ He smiled with such kindness, that it put tears to your eyes.

Then the realisation hit your gut. Astarion would likely be at the party, and that worried Gale more than trying to sway you over to him. Was Gale afraid of the Vampire Ascendant? Or was he simply worried for your wellbeing? No.. Gale definitely learned to care for his own wants. That’s why he broke up with you, not because of your ex being a powerful vampire lord. This relationship with Gale was never that official. You went on several dates, you’ve kissed him a few times. It didn’t get that much further. You didn’t want a rebound.

‘’You’ve gone through so many battles, Tav.’’ Gale released your hand. ‘’Focus on how far you’ve come.’’ 

The party at Wyrm’s crossing had a dress code. One you intended to follow. Ten years ago you wouldn’t have picked such flimsy attire, yet tonight you did. You wanted to show off as much as anyone else. And damn the hells, You looked great. Not just great- No, mesmerising.

It was somewhat revealing, showing your neckline and exposing a portion of your chest. It was loose  and comfortable around the transparent fabric of the sleeves, but tight around the waist. It had a cape akin to a draping sparkling veil, gently gliding over the ground with your every step. You were not here to escort someone, you were here to be celebrated. To show your face after you disappeared for ten years.

To save yourself from the stress of potentially seeing him, you crossed Astarion out of your mind and focussed on mingling and dancing with strangers and old friends alike. You were having fun, you haven’t smiled this much in some time. It was a good idea to come.

‘’You haven’t aged a day!’’ Shadowheart exclaimed, ‘’Neither have you-’’ You quickly responded, grinning as she examined your outfit. ‘’Are you well? What am I saying.. Of course you are well! Look at you!’’ Her hands gestured towards the fine embroidery. 

‘’That must’ve cost a fortune,’’ She muttered. ‘’..Do you-’’ She was unsure how to word it, because it may have come out wrong otherwise. ‘’Uhm- Which one..’’

‘’Oh, I don’t have a boyfriend.. And I didn’t like the outfits gifted by the party’s benefactors.’’ You replied, waving your hand awkwardly, hoping to cross out her assumptions of the list. ‘’I bought this myself with my own money. Have to show off I’m my own person somehow, right?’’ Some part of you felt strange saying that, even if it was true. 

Your eyes glanced towards Gale, seeing him chat with Minthara of all people. The conversation must’ve been interesting enough for her to stick around.. Huh. People change.

Astarion changed.

His eyes met yours, and you both froze in place. He was standing all the way to the other side of the hall, surrounded by a large group of nobles. His expression was not the one you remembered of him.. You couldn’t tell if he was shocked or surprised.. Or- More likely, he had been staring at you for a while now and was startled to see you look back.

You turned your head abruptly, hoping he would ignore you. The walls you’ve so carefully crafted to guard your heartbreak all came back to you. Don’t even think about it.

Don’t go to him. Don’t give him that pleasure.

Every fibre in your being was fighting it. Shadowheart continued talking to you, telling you of a story about reconnecting with her parents. Her mother had passed away a few years ago, and she got a selunite hairpin to remember her by, proudly showing it off.

‘’I wonder if Dame Aylin and Isobel are doing well.’’ You muttered, making Shadowheart look at you with excitement in response. ‘’Oh trust me, they are.’’ She continued to gossip, talking about Karlach and Wyll, and even her own relationship with Lae’zel.

‘’There was some suspicion you were dating Gale, actually.’’ She whispered, leaning in, ‘’Is it true? Is that why you arrived together?’’

‘’I didn’t realise you were such a romantic, Shadowheart..’’ You shook her head. ‘’No, I’m probably not going to fall in love again. ..That part of my life is over.’’ The confidence in your voice lacked some strength, but it was enough to satisfy her.

You did want to fall in love with Gale. He was great- even if your lifespans greatly differed, you wanted to stay with him. Yet your affections were more platonic than they ever were romantic. Forcing yourself to be with him was not good for either of you. And thus, it was better to not speak of it again. Lest you hurt him or yourself more.

Out of a hint of desperation in your heart, you quickly glanced back to where you’ve caught Astarion staring back at you before. He was gone. Likely moved on to another row of nobles and high status people to mingle.. Good. He wasn’t planning on talking to you then. Good.

Not good.

Shadowheart took only a moment to wrap up another story before leaving you entirely alone.

Across the crowd, you tried to find your other friends again, casually dancing with some strangers to the music and answering redundant questions of fans.

Exhausted of all the moving around, you positioned yourself near a table, and took a break to drink some wine. 

Once the dear folk of Baldur’s gate had decided to leave you be, one noble in particular decided to finally approach you.. None other than Astarion himself.

‘’Hmm, I have to say, Darling, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t accept my gift.’’ He casually uttered without greeting you, looking you over as he grabbed a drink for himself. ‘’Wh-’’ You weren’t sure what he was referring to, before he gestured to your outfit. ‘’This is.. You are.. Hmm.’’ He stopped himself, trying to think of a better compliment. ‘’Leaving me speechless, as always. Gods- You’re beautiful, just as I remember.’’ You stare at him, freezing up. Get a hold of yourself.

‘’Oh.’’ Was all you can muster.

‘’Oh?’’

‘’..You were talking about the outfits I was offered to wear.’’

He looked to you with a brow raised, only to realise you must’ve thought he was talking about his Eternal Gift. No, no, no. That wouldn’t have been just a little disappointing. It was something he regretted not being able to give to you.. Clearly. His expression said a lot of things, but disgust was not one of them.

To avoid talking about the breakup, you tried to make conversation.

‘’Which.. One was yours? There was a lot, mind you. And you didn’t leave a letter, I would’ve known.’’

He sighed. ‘’Clearly not something to your taste,’’ He smirked. ‘’Otherwise we’d be wearing matching outfits.’’ You couldn’t tell if that was a joke or a flirt. There was a glint of entitlement in his voice.

You examined his garments, recalling the surplus of outfits you unboxed. All gifts for you to keep. A Majority of which you tossed, only to recall a particular outfit you liked being shelved for another time. ‘’..Ah. That one.’’

‘’That one? Is that all I’m getting out of you?’’ He turned his nose up, trying to hide his annoyance.

You tried to understand what he was even trying to achieve with this conversation.. His tone of speaking felt bitter, condescending at times. 

‘’Darling, you must realise by now that I am still not over you.’’ He admitted, leaning in closely.

‘’I hope you have been well.’’ He smiled gently, there was some mischief in his eyes.

What the hell are you supposed to do with that? Hug him- Kiss him- Tell him how you feel! Tell him what you want- Tell him. Tell him.

No! Don’t tell him! He said awful things. He’s not even acknowledging them- Does he know? Does he care? What the fuck is wrong with him? Walk away.. Walk away.. Please, feet.

You stayed as you were, sipping your wine, waiting for him to continue speaking as you forgot to answer his question. He sighed- Perhaps reciting something in the back of his mind. Nefarious plans? Scripts? No. They don’t work on you. You could tell when something wasn’t from the heart.

He could think of what to say for days on end, plan poetry, to win you back he had to be honest on his intentions.

‘’Tav, I want you to be with me.’’ Came from his lips, his expression changed, a softened gaze. Fearful. Anxious. For a moment your heart fluttered, and then.. ‘’As you should be. You should’ve been-’’ The possessive undertone made you take a step back.

The words fell out of your mouth before you could think.

‘’If I wasn’t ready then, why would I be now?’’

Your once so confident expression, replaced by a gloom. ‘’So forward, aren’t you? Always talking about what you want.’’ You let out a deep sigh as He grew quiet to your defiance, leaning in again.

‘’Don’t.’’ You held up your hand to keep him from getting closer. ‘’I can’t take it. I can’t.’’ Tears swell up in your eyes. ‘’You’re going to say hurtful things again, toss me aside like it doesn’t matter how I feel.’’ A deep breath.

‘’How could I consider Forever, when we were about to fight the Netherbrain? Rush into marriage? Right then and there? Astarion.. You were asking too much of me. I had things to work through. You too, I gather.’’

His posture straightened again as you stopped talking. Your eyes turned to the wall beside you. Hoping he’d walk off, hoping he’d lose interest in you. You wanted to be with him so bad, it hurt you more that he actually still wanted you.

He was considering what you were saying, puzzling it  and turning it in his head. ‘’I admit, that was wrong of me.’’ His words broke the silence. ‘’I was more afraid of losing you, and then I lost you.’’ There was a crack in his voice- his posture changed again.

Mischievous and questionable.

‘’I’m sorry, Tav.’’ His hand reached up and turned your chin to face him, wiping away a few tears with his thumb. ‘’Forgive me, Darling.’’ A faint, but sad smile coated his lips.

What you did next, he didn’t expect.. You pulled him close by his collar, about to kiss him, only to withdraw and turn away. He wrapped his arms around you with a strength you never felt before. ‘’Please, don’t make this harder than it is.’’ He pleaded, needy. ‘’I know- You don’t trust me now, but I can’t have you walk off now. Not again. I won’t.’’

You stopped squirming, accepting that his grip on you was one of desperation and not to hurt you. ‘’If you want to talk, you don’t have to corner me.’’ You replied with a hint of discomfort.

‘’This will be over soon.’’ His response concerned you, chilling. ‘’What? What’ll be over soon?’’

You raised your brows as he buried his face in your neck, feeling him grin against your exposed skin.

Maybe you should’ve picked a different outfit.. He could bite you and drain you just there and then, easily. He is a vampire lord. The damn vampire ascendant himself. You fool.

You shivered at the thought, expecting teeth in your neck any moment.

‘’Don’t worry darling, I’ve made arrangements.’’ He removed his face from the crook of your neck and stroked your cheek. His undead lungs heaved with a breath of excitement.

‘’-What? What are you saying?’’ Fear overtook you, your eyes darting around trying to find your friends. ‘’They are fine, I promise! I would never hurt them.’’ He hoped to see you calm down, loosening his grip around your waist.

In that same second, you manage to twist yourself free, so he grabs your arm and pulls you back, placing a hand to your chin to make you look him in the eye. ‘’Impero te.’’

The Charm spell takes hold, and you stop fighting him. You knew this spell. You’ve used it yourself before, many times. It was particularly useful during heists, or to get a client to stop being rough with you. You’ve had this cast on you by foes before, as invasive as it is. Yet.. This was different. You were self aware enough to notice the change. The walls.. They just fell. All the mental defences, all the reasons to push him away and run off just dropped. The pain you felt from his hurtful words ten years ago stung one more time, as you relaxed in his arms. Frozen in time, unwilling to move away from him.

Why did you say no again? His eyes look to you with sadness, before pulling you in a hug and pushing your face into his chest. He gently caresses through your hair, sighing with some sense of relief.

‘’I would never want to hurt you,’’ The guilty tone in his voice echoes as he places a kiss on your head. ‘’Just this once. Please forgive me.’’ His sadness burns through you, you touch his face affectionately on instinct.

He stops you from trying to kiss him this time. ‘’Not like this.’’ He replies. ‘’..Not like this.’’ He repeats.

You barely hear the sound of the chaos behind you, Astarion makes sure to cover your eyes with his embrace when he notices it. The charm makes you focussed on all those feelings you pushed aside the past ten years.. Gods.. Ten years since he last held you. Ten years since you kissed.

As obsessed with you as he was, he refused to take advantage of you with the spell.

He only used it to restrain you from running off, no matter how much of your bottled feelings came spilling out. 

You held onto him tightly, your fingers entangled in his fine garments. Some of the strings of embroidery had come loose from how deep your fingers dug into the fabric.

‘’My sweet, come.’’ His arms guided you to walk with him into a different direction, still making sure you could not see what was happening.

His grip then tightened a little, firm- but gently, aware the spell was starting to wane. He could cast it again of course, to make it last longer. He hesitated. Once the spell ended, he could likely not do it as effectively again.. He was thinking about it.. Too late.

‘’Harpers!’’ You expected Jaheira’s voice, but it was someone else. Likely one of their high ranking members. Dead bodies were scattered over the floor. Bodies of all sorts of people- on closer look- guards, nobles, people you didn’t expect Harpers to attack.

Vampire Spawn. These people were slain Vampire Spawn.

How many of the guests- All this time.. Were Astarion’s sleeper agents? You lost count, at the very least your friends were not among the bodies. Astarion may have done something to make them leave the building because you struggled to find them before.

The look on his face already told you what you needed to know: This was not part of his plan. The harpers had come to snuff him out. And they were failing- The battle was primarily overwhelmed by the amount of people on Astarion’s side.

Not once did they manage to get close. Astarion protectively guided you towards the exit, followed by The watch which at this point was obviously mostly made up of Vampire Spawn.

‘’You organised this party, didn’t you?’’ You questioned, allowing him to drag you along this time willingly. ‘’Why?’’

‘’This wasn’t the plan..’’ He mumbled something, cursed too, not answering. You tried to stop him from moving further. ‘’You want me to trust you? Talk. Use your words, Astarion! Use your fucking words!’’ Your anger was bursting through, rightfully so.

‘’You came either way, didn’t you?’’ Astarion’s response was a flat confession of truth.

As you stared into his eyes with the storm of emotions boiling through your own, his wicked smile turned to discomfort as an arrow found its way into his shoulder. As the Vampire Ascendant, he quickly discarded it, waiting for the wound to close up right away.

It didn’t heal. Shit.

‘’Godsdammnit-’’ He was about to curse some more, you pressed your hands to the wound to stop the bleeding. ‘’Let’s just go-’’ Without much else to say he lifted you up, shielded by his spawn who were fending off the Harpers. 

The harpers weren’t winning, but he did take a good hit. The arrow must've been laced with holy water or something to keep him from healing. Necrotic damage? Illmater’s arrows? His blood coated your hands.

Certainly he was strong enough to walk off such a blow. It did hurt him, he was not immune to pain. Your panic rose even if he remained calm and firm, carrying you out of the building followed by a horde of regular looking people all swarming around you. 

Gods.. He has been busy. The entire city must’ve been made of mostly spawn and loyal followers. Wherever your friends were- He found a good enough distraction for them not to notice this chaos.

The fight for the escape continued, leading back through the Basilisk gate, and making a way through suspiciously empty streets. Straight towards his crimson palace, only to stop at an alleyway and be guided into what seems to be secretly constructed tunnels.

‘’Urgh.’’ Astarion gritted his sharp teeth, the bleeding stopped, but it definitely hurt, even as it healed slowlier than it should. ‘’I Should’ve planned more, Harpers have no respect for romantics.. Oh Dear.’’ 

A group of Harpers found their way in, fighting the watch while Astarion focussed on keeping you safe in his arms. It bothered you,  he refused to put you down.

‘’YOU!’’ A loud voice echoed, followed by the loud battle screams of other Harpers. It was Rion, Jaheira’s adopted daughter. ‘’This is all your fault!’’

You looked to Astarion, questioning what he had done.. His face contorted in anger. ‘’I have warned you once. She became too nosy. I gave you a choice, Rion. Now I’m going to have to kill you. I’ll be quick, I am not as cruel as you think.’’

‘’A little pity party to get back with the hero of Baldur's gate? How cute.’’ Rion looked to you, then back to him. ‘’Oh no, I didn’t come here for you, most Gracious Vampire lord. I blame him. For you.’’

Rion drew her weapon, fearless. Surrounded with the remainder of her harpers. You did not recognise them, but they just voiced blaming you for Astarion… Yes. Because of you, Astarion was in the position he was in. Because of you, Rion and her band walked happily to their deaths.. To do what exactly? Revenge? Jaheira is probably dead, that would explain these events.

You questioned if you cared, you were living your life happily all this time even when alone..

Now these people were after your life. And they would come after you even if you escaped.

Getting lost amidst your thoughts, the fight continued. Unable to move from your position to help, without weapons and wearing flimsy thin party clothes. It was already stained by Astarion’s blood, getting torn as Astarion pulled you from side to side while fighting off his enemies with his other hand wielding a rapier.

You managed to get a few cuts on you here and there, as he killed them off one by one with ease, even without the help of his spawn.

Silence.

Astarion huffed, his eyes Feral, holding you firmly. The clothes you were so proud of were mostly torn, the cape was gone, the scraps of the top was only supported by your waist band. ‘’..I feel naked.’’ You murmured, processing everything.

Astarion then let you go, watching you cover your exposed skin with your arms, rubbing the chill away. The tunnels are cold and dead as are the bodies of the dead harpers and vampire spawn.

‘’There’s no going back from here, it seems.’’ You spoke, turning your heel, examining the tunnel distance. Astarion’s disgruntled, stressed expression scanned over you.

‘’Their blood is on my hands, as much as it is on yours.’’ Not literally of course, the only blood on your hands was whatever would pour from his flesh wound earlier.

Any other saintly person would scream murderer at him, but not you. You were a criminal before you were a hero. You’ve done heinous things yourself in the past and the present, perhaps this was karma at work.

‘’What was your plan?’’ You asked, trying to distract him from the chaos.

‘’To sweep your delicate self off your feet and take you out to dine,’’ Astarion sighed. ‘’One last attempt.. I set up this treasure hunt to get everyone else away from you, portalled them all the way to Waterdeep. Meticulous planning that depended on you coming at all.’’ There’s a slight dishonesty in his tone. Had it gone the way he wanted, he might’ve bitten you after managing to get you in his bed again. Without asking if he could. 

Knowing yourself, you probably would have accepted the date eventually, laying down all your defences. The charm spell he used earlier didn’t fully take hold of you, it just reminded you of how you felt about him, erasing the pain that kept you away. There was a breath of relief in your mind, acceptance.

‘’Perhaps you should’ve just done it rather than ask.’’ As you say this, you see it greatly upsets him, knowing what you meant instead. 

‘’No.. I should have never said I’d ruin your love. This is on me. I wanted to give you everything Tav, I wasn’t in control of my emotions.’’ His frustration with himself and forcing out his own confessions hurt whatever instinctive pride was in his veins.

The bodies of the guards and harper’s stench finally reached your noise, making you lose balance.

 ‘’I can be patient, If I have to be.. Even if I can’t stand it. For you- My treasure. My darling.’’ He caught you as you stumbled back in his arms. Humming happily and rubbing his face against your head. ‘’Little love-’’

A sting of pain and a sensation of warmth leaving your chest.. You look up to see Astarion look in terror.

He’s been stabbed in the back by a blade, a half dead Rion holds it, shaky, weakly. ‘’Fuck. You.’’ Is all she can muster before she drops down with a final breath. Still- That is not the cause of his shock.

The blade connected you two, while Astarion would easily recover from the new wound.. You would not. His cold blood streamed right into yours, numbing you. 

Would this turn you..?

Your sight blurs, and your mind slowly fades to the death thrums of your heart. Faint sounds of sobbing and screaming ring through your ears. As Astarion pulls you close.

The next time you regain consciousness, you feel even colder. A weight is hanging over you. You twitch, trying to gather what is happening.. Your eyes refuse to function. You can tell that you are lying on a bed, still wearing the same ruined party clothes. Astarion is on top of you.

There’s a sting on your shoulder, neck, as well as your wrist. The blurred image of Astarion holding your wrist  affectionately comes into vision. You barely feel his teeth in your skin when the delirium begins to set in again.

‘’Astarion..’’ Your words slur. ‘’..I love you..’’ 

Your vision starts fading once more alongside all sensation.

When you return to the waking world, you’ll forgive his transgressions, accepting his dark kiss.

[actuallyevilgay]

Hear me out, one of Tav’s parents went missing when he was very young. Later he finds out that the reason why his parent went missing was because Astarion lured them to Cazador.

I hope you read my about, Anon. This might go a little different than you expected. My first request :o I’m excited.

Oneshot: Daddy Issues

Astarion x male reader Content Warnings: Discussion of child abuse and child neglect. Mature language. Talk of Adultery. Notes: Tav gets a little unhinged from the doorframe. Tav is not a heroic person. Might not be lore friendly?

…..

The venture into Cazador’s palace was anything but easy, the smell of neglect radiated over the place. It made you wonder if the vampire lord even cared for keeping up appearances, but knowing how some vampires made their rule.. They probably cared more about causing fear than looking as good as they say in romance novels… There was nothing romantic about this place. The allure could’ve been a fantasy for the many victims Astarion was forced to lure into this damned place.

You wouldn’t lie, if this place was given a massive makeover.. It might actually make a nice home. Yet, it was better to keep that banter for after the upcoming battle. Astarion’s unease made your neck hairs stand on edge. You protectively placed yourself in front of Astarion whenever the party turned another corner. His undead lungs consistently caught a large breath at every stop. Like he was about to walk into another nightmare.

Certainly he would, and so would you. The dungeon’s elevator let in an air of absolute disgust. Not just the smell.. The sight of all the victims in cages.

After Sebastian lunged for Astarion in rage, you pulled him back. ‘’This is not your fault.’’ A part of you wanted to judge the poor noble for being stupid, on the other hand.. You didn’t have it in you to mentally process what this could mean. Being another one of Astarion’s victims? No.. No. Don’t you dare even think about it. This guy is already dead, walking into the trap was his own fault. You on the other hand, were here to help Astarion kill Cazador. He may have tried to seduce you under false pretences, but you fell for each other despite all that. You wanted to give him the world. You were not his victim.

‘’They’re all here.’’ He muttered. ‘’Gods. They’re all here.’’

You looked at him with a reassuring glance. ‘’Don’t think about it. Think about yourself.’’ The conflict in Astarion’s eyes remained briefly, pushing at the sides of his mind. He shook his head. ‘’..You’re right. There’s no use in lingering in the past.. Not now.’’

Confident, the party began to cross the room, ignoring the sights of all the vampire spawn in the cages. ‘’Maybe we should.. Free them?’’ Gale uttered, doubtful. ‘’And unleash a horde of ravenous vampire spawn?’’ Shadowheart spit back at the wizard. ‘’They look like they’ve never even fed!’’

Astarion shuddered, wanting to be out of here as soon as possible. He had to face this.

To your regret, as he turned to you once more for guidance, a familiar voice called out.

‘’Tav..? Son- Is that you?’’

You felt bile rise up in your stomach. You haven’t heard this voice since you were at least ten years old. ‘’My, so this is where you’ve been, after all this?’’ You started to laugh in amusement, making everyone around you raise their brows in confusion.

Astarion looked to you, then to the man speaking to you.. He blinked, unsure if this was one of his victims. You made eye contact with the vampire, your expression unreadable.

‘’Don’t worry, I’m not judging you.’’ You noted, before turning back to the man who had abandoned you. ‘’You.. On the other hand.’’

‘’Wait- Does that mean Astarion slept with your-’’ Shadowheart cut herself off as you glared at her. You did not want to envision that at all. Gross. 

‘’Oh I remember that night..’’ Your father’s voice sounded as drunk and hazy as when he left. Maybe that was simply his natural state of being, but you did not care.

‘’..Do you have anything to say that isn’t an attempt to insult me?’’ Your response sounded as bitter as you felt. ‘’Poor dear old dad, seduced by one of his many conquests into damnation. Absolutely perfect. Congratulations.’’

Astarion eyed you, remembering how little you spoke of your past. Maybe.. To distract him, you might as well indulge your loved one. ‘’This man, this man.. Is why my mother left. It’s why I grew up eating moldy bread in the streets.’’ You shook your arms. ‘’This is.. Amazing. I can’t believe he’s here. No- I can. This is actually a good thing.’’ You felt the spiteful laughter tugging your throat. You wanted to laugh until you couldn’t breathe.

‘’Darling..’’ Astarion looked at you with some concern in his voice, unsure what to say. 

‘’Damned little son of a bitch! Let me out of here!’’ Your father tried to reach for you through the bars, you looked at him with cold dead eyes. With one swift turn, you avoided his claws and grabbed him by the throat, smashing him against the prison bars. He coughed up whatever bit of congealed blood was left in his lungs. ‘’Ugh-’’

‘’Can you imagine? This pitiful man.’’ You sighed as you released him, he dropped to the floor. You turned to Astarion again, eyes softening.

‘’For as long as I can remember, this man abused me and my mother. He would leave her with very little, refusing to let her even get a job to provide for me.. Because all he did was drink, and drink, go out and sleep with strangers.’’ You sighed, looking back to the pathetic thing in the cage.

‘’I suppose he was handsome enough for your master to drink dry, maybe he just wanted to get drunk on his intoxicated blood.’’ You went quiet for a moment.

‘’One day, when he didn’t come back- My mother decided it was the perfect time to abandon me.’’ The spite and hatred in your eyes came flowing back. ‘’I had nothing but anger to survive on.’’

‘’You whoreson-’’ Your father once more spoke up, but you spit at him. ‘’SHUT UP!’’

‘’I should’ve beaten you more.’’

You decided to let him have his say, and thus the insults of decades came back around. You remembered them all, each little thing he knew would rile you up and cause you to run and hide. You wanted to slap the teeth out of his mouth, but patiently waited until he was finished.

‘’Have you nothing to say for yourself boy?’’ Your father held onto the prison bars again. ‘’Be a good little shit and do something right in your life for once. Let me out.’’

You stared at him, expression unreadable. Astarion grabbed your hand, he now too shared your rage. ‘’I don’t remember him, actually.. Pity.’’ He said, clicking his teeth.

‘’What? You don’t remember how you led me into this hell? You little-’’ He tried to lunge forward again, making pathetic attempts to claw his way out. ‘’You said all these little- recited lines! Sounded so dreamy. Corny. I was very into it. The sex wasn’t that great though.’’

He turned back to you, noticing you interlocking your fingers with Astarion. Your lover’s face contorted with disgust at your father. ‘’Don’t tell me- you’re into this man? Are you sleeping with him?’’ the deadbeat stopped and laughed at you. ‘’Oh.. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, boy. You’re just like me. Admit it.’’

For a moment, the childlike doubt overtook you again. Everything he said was designed to hurt you, to treat you like a punching bag. He would sometimes feign care for you, only to earn your trust and use it against you like a weapon. You were just a little kid.. This man, this man was a real monster.

‘’I don’t think so, Tav is nothing like you.’’ Astarion thought about it. ‘’If anything, it makes no sense for him to be related to you. Are you sure your wife didn’t sleep around? Hmm?’’ Astarion’s words clearly hit a nerve, because your father once more tried to claw his way out, screaming obscenities.

You didn’t care for either your parents, the idea of your mother sleeping with another man to conceive you wasn’t that far fetched. After all, as far as you were concerned.. You had no parents. You had to raise yourself.

‘’Don’t talk to me like that, you… You..  Manwhore!’’ Your father remarked, he started to look defeated, falling to the ground.

Both you and Astarion shared the same expression at the sight. Amusement. A little piece of justice had come from all this misery.

‘’There’s one little thing.. Just the thing. How do I put this?’’ Astarion thought for a moment. ‘’I think you slept with Petras, not me.’’ He then looked back at you, worried.  ‘’I may have been horrible enough to seduce people for… Cazador. But I never went for the already drunk ones.’’ That confession seemed to hit both Gale and Shadowheart as well. It was genuine.

From all the different kinds of people held captive in this place.. The stories of drunk people falling victim to some of the worst crimes imaginable was one all too familiar.

When he mentioned Petras, you recalled running into him at the flophouse. He recited some of Astarion’s lines in the corniest way possible in an attempt to seduce you. ‘’My dad slept with that guy?’’ You nearly choked. Then your laughter became a storm.

‘’I can’t-’’ You wheezed. ‘’THAT’S-’’ You coughed. ‘’I can’t breathe!’’ You nearly fell to the floor. Then it turned from joyful, into sadistic laughter.

You could see your father peer his reddened eyes at Astarion, narrowing them, making sure he was right.. Then he slowly realised. ‘’You’re.. An elf.’’ 

You laughed again sadistically, and Astarion joined you. 

Gale and Shadowheart awkwardly shifted around. ‘’It’s always like this with those two, huh?’’ Shadowheart mumbled. ‘’You know, I would laugh too if that was my father.’’ Gale shrugged. ‘’Let them, if anything.. The reprieve from the misery in this place is a good thing.’’ Neither the Wizard or the Cleric were as eager to run into a battle with a vampire lord. They were doing this for the sake of their friends. ‘’Well, my mother figure was terrible.’’ Shadowheart eventually added, accepting that this might as well be a good thing. ‘’I should’ve laughed at her downfall, perhaps it would have made things better..’’

You took one more look at your father in the cage as you came down from your high. Taking a deep breath, you examined his face clearly.

‘’Yes, gloat some more. Or are you actually pitying me now?’’ Your father remarked, his eyes begged for freedom. Surely you wouldn’t damn 7000 souls just because of him now, would you?

‘’No, I am simply burning this perfect picture of you into my mind.’’ You replied, causing the dread to sink into his form. ‘’No- No! Don’t let him do this! Please!’’ He turned to your allies, then to Astarion, putting on a different persona in an attempt to persuade him. ‘’I tried okay? He’s lying! I was drunk yes- But I’m not-’’

‘’Shhhh. Hush now, I think he likes it when you look so pathetic.’’ Astarion stared at him with a faked expression of empathy. ‘’Are you ready, my dear?’’ He turned back to you, seeing your smirk slowly fade. ‘’Oh, I’ve had my revenge. Are you ready to get yours?’’ You asked him back, he simply nodded.

Today was only just going to get better.

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 4)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Astarion learns the details about Tav's encounter with the guards. Tav continues to work at Jilvy's tavern, trying really hard. Reminders: Astarion is the vampire ascendant, Tav is not a heroic figure. Contains headcanons for several characters, contains headcanons for illithid brain alteration but not evolving. Tav uses daggers and magic. Astarion is an Arcane Trickster Rogue. I created several npcs. Some Neverwinter lore is mentioned but might not be lore friendly. Content Warnings: Tav suffering from depression / ptsd, self-neglect. A/N: Read part 3 here. Current Part may be a bit shorter? Idk, been busy. If this updates slow, blame the holidays. If it updates often, it's because I have nothing else to do haha.

.......

‘’Three warm drinks, for our guests.’’ The watchshield guardswoman who previously announced a crime in the city square was now leading Astarion and his Bodyguards through a very prestigious looking building.

‘’He is on bedrest currently, unfortunately you’ll have to wait until he wakes.’’ She bowed her head to the disguised vampires, trusting that they were a band of adventurers eager to put their feet in the criminal case.

Astarion looked to Vand and Ty, who stood their ground for a moment as he sat down on a couch. Vand, who was the quiet one.. Remaining put. He stretched his legs and cracked his shoulders before resting his hands on his hips. Ty on the other hand was eager to keep up his excited Adventurer persona, plopping down on the couch next to Astarion Childishly.

‘’A warm drink sounds great, don’t you think so, boss?’’ He turned to Astarion who grinned. ‘’I Can’t wait, my body is aching for some precious warmth.’’ He wasn’t lying, he was speaking a simple truth. As their bodies did not produce warmth, the winter could be a little too distasteful for vampires, even the vampire ascendant himself.

There are several ways for vampires to gain some body warmth.. Linger around a heartfire, fight, travel around magma.. Friction through physical contact.. Or drinking blood from a living being. Whether it was thinking or unthinking. A warm beer or a hot drink could do the trick too, or sunlight immunity during the spring and summer.

‘’What’s a walking corpse to do in the winter?’’ Astarion jokes as they received their drinks. ‘’Dunno, freeze to death even more?’’ Ty joked back. There’s an awkward chuckle among the guards, even though they didn’t catch on that their guests were vampires. It was much more likely that it reminded them of the time neverwinter was partially overrun by undead. Something with a necromancer and curse.

The rivers around this place supposedly never froze, so long as the water was connected to the volcano in the distance. Natural hot springs existed nearby. Neverwinter did not mean neversnow necessarily. What’s a winter without snow if not a secondary fall?

Once the hot liquid got through his throat, Astarion cleared his breath when the guardswoman returned. ‘’He’s awake enough to answer your questions, though I doubt he’d say anything new.’’ The woman looked unsure, yet for the vampire lord nothing was certain. Any tidbit of clue towards Tav’s whereabouts was worth wringing out of these folks. To him, they were simply just walking vermin with heartbeats. He, a predator. And If the world feels threatened by your existence, who do you really trust? Certainly any adventurer eager to come through the door.. Or Blades for hire. What a simple world, ripe for the taking.

And as he had for quite a while now, through doors he walked with ease.

The guardsman didn’t seem as badly injured as the rest of the guards described him to be. Bandages covered the area of his stab wound, there were bruises… The most exceptional and noteworthy thing about his state was the bandage wrapped around his head. A concussion? Hmm. Hopefully this conversation would not be a headache.

Vand and Ty made their move to position themselves near the door of the infirmary room. Trying to seem less suspicious, Ty pretended to distract Vand with a blade trick.

‘’Don’t mind my friends, I’ve come here to ask about your attacker. There’s some things I need to know to track him down easier.’’ Astarion remained focussed.

The guardsman nodded. ‘’Forgive me, I may speak.. Slowly. He dropped a roof on my head.’’

‘’A roof you say?’’

‘’Yes, I was simply.. Renting a room. He broke in- and- …lunged at me with a hideous dagger!’’

‘’How did he drop a roof on you?’’

‘’How? I don’t.. Uh- There was a flash. Purple.. Pink? Light. Before I knew it he was gone as I was.. bleeding out under the rubble..’’

The guardsman proceeds to cough up some blood. ‘’Did a number on me.. Bastard.’’

The feeling this guard was giving him felt ominous, it was becoming more and more difficult to keep the friendly facade. ‘’Are you being fully honest with me?’’ Astarion’s disguised eyes looked at him with more intensity every second.

‘’Yes.’’

Astarion leaned forward, his voice became malicious. ‘’You don’t understand. You need to speak the truth. Tell me your real thoughts.’’ A charm spell flowed out through the spoken words, and before the guard could notice, it started taking effect.

‘’Some homeless trash.. Thought he looked like easy pickings- A monster. Blasted through the roof after- Ugh..’’

‘’After what?’’

‘’After I..’’ As the guard spoke in detail of what he attempted that night, Astarion’s cold blood boiled in fury. He was about to choke him.. Then- rationale calmed him down. He came here for information, so Killing had to wait. Just for a little bit.

‘’Describe him.’’

The guard’s description that followed was vague, it almost did not sound like Tav, until the following words fell from this pig’s lips. ‘’He looked dull, almost like a doll.’’ Once more the memory of Tav’s departure crawled back into Astarion’s head. He was about to crack. Oh no, no.. He was going to cave this pig’s skull in.

‘’Where did you store his weapon?’’ 

‘’It’s in the evidence collection chest, head guard’s quarters. Keeps discarded trinkets.. Like trophies.’’ With that answer given, Astarion gave a nod to his spawn. Ty immediately put on a joyful smirk, ‘’Enjoy your time, Master.’’ before going out the door and casting an invisibility spell on himself.

The charm spell put on the guard started to slowly wane, making the guard come to his senses. ‘’What the.. What are you- I did nothing wrong! What did you do to me?’’ Once more, he began throwing a coughing fit.

Astarion giggled, then chuckled, then laughed at the man. ‘’Oh, oh, oh. No.. No this won’t do.’’ His disguise self spell began to drop while he cracked his knuckles. He did some hand stretches to loosen up the building tension in his wrists.

‘’I’ve made a vow to punish every moron who dares to put their hands on the very few little things I genuinely care about.’’  A deep breath.. He put a foot on the bedrest.

‘’And,’’ With the click of his fingers, a knife of ice formed in his hand. ‘’I’ve not done anything to you yet.’’ He pointed it towards the man’s crotch.

The guard winced in response, realising what was about to happen to him. ‘’Hmm.. I can’t play with you here though.. Pity.’’ Astarion clicked his teeth, erasing the ice knife. ‘’What to do.. What to do..’’

A pause.

‘’How quickly do they bury their dead in neverwinter? You might make a fine freezing corpse..’’

……

Did you think that was a nice, cozy little niche tavern? Well. It did have a rush hour. Jilvy wasn’t joking around when she put out a sign bringing her book club back. It invited customers to buy and read a specific book from a store next door, discussing its chapters openly in the tavern.

Customers still had to pay for their drinks and snacks, but for book club days especially, the amount of snacks and drinks required would pile up.. Not just that- Book club days had special menu items that would only be brought out to customers visiting that day.

You were sure you’re sweaty, even if the heat was not unwelcome. Despite Jilvy’s best efforts, you were prone to getting cold easily. Bad circulation and neglect does that to a body.

‘’Tav, Tav-’’ Jilvy tried to get your attention as you were rushing to get through the dishes.

‘’Tav- Please take a break. Thank you, but you really should lie down.’’ Her concerned voice hovered over you, putting the rapid wiping of plates to a halt. She climbed onto the counter so she could touch your forehead and take your temperature. 

‘’You really should lie down in your bed, dear.’’

‘’Are you sure..? It’s a busy night.. I can handle myself.’’ A partial lie. You could certainly continue on, but handling yourself like that was going to end with a fainting spell sooner or later. While you finally could eat the correct amount of food to sustain yourself, your body wasn’t used to it anymore, leaving you with limited energy and bad constitution.

In truth, you wanted to keep working to keep your mind off the visions. Sleeping was something you could not do peacefully, at all.

Every Time you went to bed, it was a risk. You’d rather hide under the covers than sleep under them. 

‘’Yes! If you’re ill, that is not good for business.’’

‘’It’s just a cold.. Let me clean a few more plates at least.’’ Your response was met with Jilvy’s motherly glare. When she looked like this, all you could think of was ‘’No but’s, and that’s that.’’ Because she never actually said the words. You just knew what it meant.

In defeat, you put the sponge and towels down, hanging your head. 

‘’It’s not going to make me feel better.’’ You mumbled, moving past her.

You could swear Jilvy’s eyes burned into your back, but not with anger, only heartfelt worry.

A part of you felt a loathing for it, being pitied? Or being cared for?

No.. It was more like guilt. The stares of the tavern clients were more exhausting than Jilvy’s mothering banter ever would be. Jilvy cared about you, she definitely did. The customers might view you differently. You were just a face behind the counter, never striking conversations unless talked to. You were Jilvy’s little project to them. Something to whisper about.

When Gale, the wizard that came here a few days ago.. Started frequenting, you wondered why. He took a lot of time in preparing these insane presentations for the book club, making himself popular and driving more customers to return for the hours.

How long do Wizard holidays last? He certainly enjoyed his vacation. The troublesome encounter from his first arrival never made another appearance.

Gale never talked to you, he just glanced with a strange familiar expression whenever you handed him his drinks and snacks. There were times he wanted to try and make conversation, only to withhold whatever he was going to say to you.

Maybe he just thought you were attractive? Perhaps the friend he was trying to find liked book clubs, and staying here would have them wind up sooner or later.

As you head to the backroom and walk up the stairs towards the living area, you hear faint shuffling coming from a storage closet. A rat? 

On tippy toes, you quietly walk over to open the closet. Nothing ordinary with it- yet a whisk of wind went past you, blurring your vision briefly.

‘’What the-’’ You could’ve sworn you heard footsteps just now..  No, it had to be the snow outside. The loud hail clattering against the window summoned all sorts of paranoia the night before. Like visions of blades clattering against each other, or a mere bristling of unsettling winds. A shiver ran down your spine as a result.

Your strength definitely did not last today either, Jilvy was right as she always was.. The faint feeling of an upcoming headache overtook you. The building around you trembled from a quake only you were experiencing.

Weakly, you manage to make it over to your bed, eyeing the wardrobe in front of it, which was half open.

Certainly you tidied it up earlier? The wind must’ve crept in through the walls somehow. You always close the doors behind you. You can’t stand it otherwise.

As sleep forces its way through your heavy body, another shiver runs down your spine.

If the paranoia from the visions you experienced hadn’t troubled you many nights before, you’d be sure someone was watching you right now.

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 3)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Your escape from the guard did not go unnoticed, trouble is brewing and Astarion is searching for you while a familiar face visits Jilvy's cute little tavern. Reminders: Astarion is the vampire ascendant, Tav is not a heroic figure. Contains headcanons for several characters, contains headcanons for illithid brain alteration but not evolving. Tav uses daggers and magic. Astarion is an Arcane Trickster Rogue. I created several npcs. Some Neverwinter lore is mentioned but might not be lore friendly. Content Warnings: Tav suffering from depression / ptsd, self-neglect. A/N: Link to previous part. Trouble be brewing.. I have a lot of ideas for this mini series. Hope you don't mind my story pacing too much, I do read my stuff back before posting but I don't have time to go back and fix every typo. Remember to leave a follow so you don't miss out on it!

...... Even when everyone was aware of the location, it was unclear if his old friends all intended to look for Tav. Astarion bet on it that Gale and Karlach would certainly try, but both had busy schedules. Karlach simply was busy trying not to die, so she had to remain in avernus until Dammon could do something about her engine permanently. As for Gale, he had students to attend to, a full schedule. Only the holiday season could free him from that disaster. Which may be soon, so the vampire lord had plenty of time.

The only other person he could imagine going right into the chase was Jaheira, if not to gain advantage over him. Some nosy harper that old woman is.

Astarion had made note that he could potentially run into any of them, and personally.. He’d rather avoid that entirely. If anything, he’d hoped to just see Tav. Talk to him before anyone else could. Perhaps that way he could convince him to come back, take his place at Astarion’s side. Like how it used to be.. Together.

Vandelion and Tyselius both disguised themselves as adventurers, and with a simple masterful glamour spell, Astarion fit right in. He had picked the appearance of a blonde half elf, attractive, but plain enough to not draw too much attention to himself.

Certainly not even his old friends would notice… Could he still call them friends?

There was this distance put between them in the last six months. Everyone had moved on from the adventure to live their lives. The trip to Neverwinter took almost 20 days, even with the more convenient methods of travel, horseback, carriage, or by boat.. It all went by in a blur. There was this consistent anxiety that in the time it took to get here, Tav could’ve left.

If he hadn’t, certainly Neverwinter would not have swallowed him whole. And so, to focus his stress Astarion made sure to remember every tiny detail of his lost lover’s face.

His voice, the colour of his eyes. The way he looked over his shoulder…

It made him smirk, even on this disguised face.. There was this familiarity to Astarion’s smile. Not that anyone who knew him was here to notice except for his bodyguards.

As astarion’s gaze got lost in the snowy streets of neverwinter, he remembered Tav’s eerily piercings eyes in the midst of one of their past battles. He recalled the scent of adrenaline in his lover’s blood, when the Grymforge Golem crawled out of the forge.

Astarion’s eyes glanced up to the mountains in the distance, spotting the resting volcano. Without trying, the smell of the magma mephits exploding near his face came flowing back with a sense of nostalgia and absence.

Absence.

When Tav darted forwards to plunge himself into that lever, everyone was flailing around from the quake. Sweat dripped from his forehead, he struggled to breathe.

‘’The hammer! Keep luring it towards the hammer!’’ 

Visions of the fight interrupted his daydreaming. This was when he first realised he felt for Tav, craving for something more than what he pretended they had. Something real.

Everyone nearly died that day, the night cometh.. Tav could not sleep at all.

Astarion envisions it so clearly. The man had wandered towards his tent, only to pace back and hesitate. Nothing happened between the two that night.. There was only this exchange of eye contact that could have lasted for hours.

There was an absence in his eyes, Astarion realises. How could he have missed that? He pondered how many times that look completely overtook his lover’s eyes.

No.. He recalled it. After absorbing Nere’s tadpole, long before that fight, Tav would fool around less. He was distant for a while, the power gave him an edge in battle.. But everytime he took another one of those worms, he took more risks, damage… It drained him just as much as it empowered him.

‘’Someone has to take more hits,’’ Tav always excused his actions, claiming it was for the best. For a time Astarion assumed he was covetting the power greedily- Up until they met the emperor he had assumed Tav would rather keep it for himself for selfish reasons.

The way that thing.. The mind flayer- Spoke, deeply unsettled him. It was utterly disgusting when the thing suggested Tav take the damn astral worm.

Astral or not, nothing good could have come from it, and thus- in a fury of sudden rage, Tav stomped the thing to the ground. ‘’No more! I’m done with this bullshit!’’ His screams nearly send the Emperor in a rage.. The beast contained himself. He needed their party to succeed.. It accepted his losses…

All the while Astarion happily encouraged Tav to make use of the tadpoles as he had.. The parasite granted him his freedom after all...

Neither of them ever set out to be heroes.. All Astarion wanted was freedom. He went along for the ride, and came out of it with more power than he could have ever dreamed of.

Tav on the other hand… Before anyone could even celebrate his deeds, he disappeared.

Baldur’s mouth gazette would only mention the mystery hero for a few weeks, and then forget about it completely. It was almost as if he never existed, his accomplishments didn’t matter enough to these peasants..

The anger Astarion had felt during that time was unreasonable. He so deeply regretted it.

For all the time that he has been thinking about this man with rage and heartbreak, no one else seemed to even worry about him. If his old friends dared to show up here now, it would be an insult. What was even a worse insult is them not coming at all. They could pretend all they want, they moved on with their lives. The notion that Jaheira went looking and came back with nothing felt like a big lie to Astarion. They only cared when he didn’t show up to that stupid reunion.. Yes.. Ironically he dismissed the thought that he too was guilty of this. No, not once did Tav leave his thoughts. Not once.

‘’Sir?’’ Vand’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

 ‘’Ah.’’ Astarion  sighed. ‘’ Yes. Let's explore around a bit, shall we? Perhaps there is some clue.. There has to be..’’ He wiped some of the snow off his cheek, regaining focus.

Ty’s chirpy persona chimed in. ‘’Would you look at that? There’s a crowd gathering.’’ Convenient timing.

The three turned their heads to the square. There was a noticeboard, and a bunch of wintershield watchmen gathered as something was being nailed to it.

‘’Adventurers, Mercenaries and fellow citizens!’’ The one who seemed to be in charge took the attention of the crowd, attracting an audience.

‘’About Tenday ago, one of our faithful guardsmen was a victim in a murder attempt, any aid towards finding the criminal will be rewarded forthwith. They must be put to justice.’’ The guard steps aside to show the drawing she posted on the board. A dagger with a curled edge was drawn clear as day. Astarion recognised it as one of Orin’s weapons- Wielded faithfully by his Tav, as a trophy.

The wicked thing meant very little to him, it was just a tool.. But to see it depicted here, in a place that has no personal history with Bhaal’s cult was most unusual.

Effectively, this confirmed that Tav was indeed here, and the first clue to finding him was the man who had been nearly stabbed to death with this weapon. ‘’My dear friends, it seems we’ve found ourselves a job.’’ Astarion put a hand on his hip, acting like a confident adventurer eager to aid in solving this problem for whatever pittance of coin the guard offered. He did not need it, but he certainly needed to know what would cause Tav to leave his weapon behind.. Why stab a guardsman out of all people?

First things first, he would have to question the victim, dead or alive.

…

You’ve been working here for at least a week… Maybe two. Slowly adapting to the circumstances. Jilvy’s motherly attitude made you less anxious, quietly doing chores in the background. You liked it here, right? It was warm.. You could hide. You didn’t have to go outside anymore.

Jilvy offered you a place to sleep and eat, as well as live and work- It had been pleasant, if not for the lack of sensation..

Sensation, no- Emotions. You lacked proper responses at times. You knew you were experiencing emotions, even if they felt odd and confusing. Most of the time you could find some comfort in the absence of it. The emptiness, the apathy.

Your facial features did not move very much, unless you spoke- people might’ve assumed that you were an automaton, or a doll of sorts.

Jilvy welcomed customers in her establishment with much glee. It was a pretty niche place, never too busy. All the folk that visited it were particularly characteristic.

From a dragonborn that paraded around in rainbow colours singing throaty songs, to a group of Gnomes reciting some sort of play.. There were all sorts of faces here. None of them seemed dangerous. Jilvy had organised a book club or something in the past, and a lot of her clients were previous club members.

You felt out of place here, they were all so.. Normal. As you peel potatoes, the knife feels too familiar in your hand. You spin it around a bit absent mindedly before returning to the task.

The bell that rings when the door opens loudly repeats twice as two figures come inside in rapid succession. ‘’Dharma, I told you to stop following me!’’ The voice was a man’s, stern, polished. Something about it made your hairs stand on edge, but you kept your back  turned to the door as you worked on the food behind the counter. You crafted little chips shaped portions to bake in with salt later. It was a treat Jilvy taught you to make.

‘’But sir- I’ve told you we’d make a decent couple! Ask your mother, she’d agree!’’

‘’That is inappropriate. Not only inappropriate! You’ve stalked your own teacher on his holiday spouting this nonsense. Dharma, I am going to have a stern talking to your parents and I am dropping you from my class effective immediately. Leave. Now.’’

‘’But-’’

Before the debacle could continue further, Jilvy interrupted the conversation. ‘’Oh dear, get yourself out before I get the guard involved, m’kay? I’m running a business.’’ 

You assumed the student by the name of Dharma left, as the sound of the door being thrown open and closed with much force came soon after.

‘’Thank you.. I’ve been dealing with this headache for weeks.’’ The man replied.

‘’Sounds like a wild time, would you like a seat, handsome?’’ Jilvy would sometimes flirt with the customers, but it was never too serious. Just some mild banter.

They held a conversation in a corner further away from the counter. The man would complain about the student trying to make moves on him during private tutoring sessions. The girl grew obsessed. He did not expect her to follow him all the way to Neverwinter.

‘’What brings you all the way to Neverwinter for a holiday? Waterdeep is such a dreamy location, if I lived there, I probably wouldn’t want to leave.’’ You could guess Jilvy was lying, she was simply showing interest in her customers to make them want to frequent more. Or perhaps spend more money. Something like that.

‘’Oh, nothing special.. Just.. Oh who am I kidding? I’m on a quest.’’ The man’s voice chirped, there was a sense of pride in his voice. The pride quickly faltered as he continued..

‘’A dear friend of mine disappeared after the attack on Baldur’s Gate. I haven’t seen him in months. I should’ve gone after him.. I’m worried.’’

Baldur’s gate..?

Those two words buzzed in your brain.. It’s the name of a city. There was an attack.. The violent visions.. Did this man know you? No, it could just be a coincidence. You were no one. You did not want to be found.

The noise of the background conversation turned into white noise, slightly blurring out your vision as you stumbled. You tried to keep a hold of yourself by grabbing the counter. The fainting spell faded quickly.

Before you knew it, the man had approached the counter, as Jilvy got around to pour him a drink. You could feel his eyes slowly drift from Jilvy into your back. And then.. Nothing.

If he knew you, he’d probably recognise you.

But then again.. You’ve neglected yourself so much, you couldn’t even recognise your own reflection as something familiar. Your clothes were a bit too large for you, fastened with plenty of belts. A coat on top, to make sure people wouldn’t be distracted by how thin you were. Your hair used to be much messier before you started working, it was still a bit longer than you think it should’ve been. Tidied up and cut by Jilvy as much as you allowed her to.

‘’Oh, Tav, could you pass me those herbs? I can’t reach that far.’’ Jilvy’s request made your body move on its own, quietly passing a bottle to her with a turn.

Your eyes met the man’s.

He looked.. Confused. Processing something. He kept staring, even as Jilvy continued to banter towards him about the tea flavour she invented.

‘’Tav, make sure you don’t burn the chips again? The gnomes are looking hungry.’’ Jilvy nudged your side. Once more you moved without thinking too much about it.

The halfling kept talking for a time as you did your chores, up until she handed the man his tea, then she slowly made her way back to you and tugged at your leg, implying she wanted to whisper something in your ear.

‘’I saw the staring. Isn’t he handsome?’’ Jilvy winked. ‘’Oh, Uhm..’’ Your response was lacking. You fought for something new to say. ‘’I guess. He has a nice beard.’’ Did he? Probably. You weren’t sure. A part of you wanted to cower and hide. A headache was coming.. And then, nausea. ‘’I..’’ Jilvy recognised the look you gave her. ‘’Go, shoo.’’

She smiled eagerly into the man’s direction as you darted for the door, running around the corner to find the bathroom, dreading what would come.

As you waited and waited, the nausea left. Your guts slowly calmed, but not without an awful lot of pain shooting through it. How fortunate. Your throat wouldn’t have to deal with this today. These headaches were unbearable.

You rest your head in your hands as you slowly gather the courage to stand back up, dizzy from the tossing and turning your brain was doing.

You walked back to the door, and waited briefly in front of it, watching the man talk some more with Jilvy.

‘’Is your employee alright?’’ 

‘’Oh, He’s been through a lot. Homeless boy. I’m taking care of him.’’

‘’Ah.. You said his name was Tav..?’’

‘’He thinks that’s his name, is my guess.’’

‘’I see..’’

There was a long silence as the man poured his tea quickly into his mouth in a sudden hurry.

‘’I’ll be back with a book to read tomorrow, you do breakfasts, yes?’’

Jilvy grinned at the fact she had won over a new customer, even if it was just a tourist.

‘’I’ll be seeing you soon, Gale.’’

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 2)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Astarion x Male tav, this is post epilogue.

Summary: Once Astarion learns from Withers Tav is somewhere in Neverwinter, he intends to find his lost love. We learn from Tav's perspective what he has been doing all this time. Reminders: Astarion is the vampire ascendant, Tav is not a heroic figure. Contains headcanons for several characters, contains headcanons for illithid brain alteration but not evolving. Tav uses daggers and magic. Astarion is an Arcane Trickster Rogue. I created several npcs. Some Neverwinter lore is mentioned. Content Warnings: Tav suffering from depression / ptsd, self-neglect. This part contains implied sexual attempted assault. A/N: The first part is here: link I had fun writing part 2. Angstttt..

The plan used to be, to make no plan... For Astarion- Strategy had not been on his mind for 200 years up until he gained a palace and a title. He used to be a magistrate, sure- however.. The laws changed. He was learning the ropes again. Manipulating a few political allies and gaining some influence was easy in his position. Baldur’s gate believed him to be a benevolent contributor to the repairs of the city. In the six months of his reign behind the curtains, the city’s damage from the mind flayer invasion was but a stain in the back of everyone’s memory. Unlike Cazador, Astarion did not depend on fear. He preferred enticing and seducing his targets, but not with his body. With promises, promises he could fulfil. If you play tyrant for too long, people will want you gone. If you pretend to be a saint, people become complacent. Happy, they want you around. They will keep your secrets, and reveal their secrets, to be wielded like daggers. Ready and willing for a stab in the back. But no one has dared to leverage his, Astarion was too useful. Despite Jaheira’s distaste for him, her and her harper's caution did not warrant a fight. Astarion was too interested in making sure the city was safe, not just for him but for all the people who became dependent on him. And thus, Jaheira kept her mouth shut, tolerating his very damned existence.

He had sired a fair few, hundreds spawn in that time, many of which were servants, others who became his eyes and ears. As the ascendant, his blessing was more subtle, safe for a few differences… Not all spawn would gain red eyes, and while the majority could tolerate the sun just fine, that gift would fade should they leave the near vicinity of the mansion. Others suffered light sensitivity in the eyes, requiring them to wear masks or glasses to hide their vampirism. The fangs, the paler skin was all there, they could easily hide their nature and live off air, water and bread, threading borders and wading through water. The sun remained a tiny problem for the most part, but not for Astarion himself.

The mansion acted as an anchor point of this connection, even if Astarion left for a while, his connection to this place and the ritual location connected him to all his spawn in the city. The longer he stayed, the larger a permanent safety net became. As a result his spawn eagerly bounced around the city without much worry. 

There were rules of course, they were not to talk about their nature. They could not feed off strangers unless it was to kill off a problem permanently, someone who would not be missed. The bodies would have to be disposed of.

If anything, it felt peaceful. Astarion had his ambitions of course, as an immortal he had time enough to pan out his plans to make sure it would outlive any of his predecessors, as well as foes and friends alike.

The high from which he fell, the very jump that had pushed Tav away made him wary of the newly gained instincts. Desires, the need to covet power.. He would not let it control him again. It was a tool to be used warily. All his abilities were great, but he was not a god.

If he could rise to his position, someone could rise to a position to annihilate him if he made himself a big enough nuisance.

A portion of his instincts raged against the idea of staying sated, it wanted to be full. Being sated kept him going, he had no need to cause suffering. Yet. Suffering should have a purpose, yes? To indulge in those habits could make one thread dangerous waters. He had enough of the idea of walking through acid, still remembering his torture deeply.

All this thinking made him lonely.

Astarion looked to his throne in silence, listening to the sound of his servants moving things around and preparing their tools. He was not going alone to Neverwinter, and he could not leave his position without a caretaker in place.

Jaheira was not aware of it, but one of her harpers was his spawn. A recruit by the name of Alice. Alice was a rather small Tiefling girl, soft spoken and highly intelligent.

She made a bow as Astarion turned to her. ‘’I will be leaving for an undisclosed amount of time, I take it that you will continue your role as we discussed?’’

Alice nodded in response. ‘’I will report any noteworthy news.’’ Satisfied, Astarion dismissed her quickly, only for the next few servants to walk in. He revelled in the respect he received, trying not to show off how much he enjoyed their devotion and loyalty.

Two of the new faces were his personal bodyguards, the only two people he’d be bringing. Who’s to say Neverwinter didn’t have plenty of fresh people to make use of? He certainly preferred travelling light.. And in disguise. Both of the bodyguards were high elves, fraternal twin brothers. One rarely spoke, the other was tricky. His personality changed depending on who he was speaking to, as he used to be a theatre actor before taking this job. Vandelion and Tyselius. Vand and Ty for short.

They greeted with a salute and bow, the last person to talk to was standing behind them, waiting her turn. Astarion gestured for them to step aside so he could speak to his Chamberlain.

‘’Saralyn dear.’’ Astarion smiled at her, even though she avoided his gaze. Previously a human, Saralyn was one of his first spawn. ‘’You will manage business while I am away, is there anything you need before my departure?’’ 

‘’Nothing of note m’lord, my only request is for a bodyguard.’’

‘’Oh? Are you concerned about your safety? That is new.’’ Astarion’s brows lifted in surprise.

‘’It is simply the first time I am left in my position without your guidance and protection. I want to be sure to do my job well without risks.’’ Her speaking revealed no ill intent, only honesty.

‘’Very well, assign whomever you please from the dormitory as your personal guard.’’

‘’Thank you, my lord..’’

Enough formalities. His patience was wearing thin. Everything was done, preparations were made. They were leaving. Now.

Off to wherever Tav was, Neverwinter. What would he be doing in such a rich city? Living off trade? Did he pick up a job? Why would he push away Gale’s attempts to reach him?

If only that answer was so simple.

….

Neverwinter was vast, Volo called it the most civilised city in all of faerûn. Markets, shops, anything you could think of was sold here, if it was legal of course. There were enough things about this place that made you wonder if it was crime free. It certainly wasn’t.

Despite the cosmopolitan paradise, riches were still divided. Even if nobles were taxed heavily to share the wealth across the place, any rich civilisation invited division regardless.

You roamed the streets, catching sight of snowflakes as one landed on your nose.

Cold. It’s going to get cold.

Your clothes were worn, to the average pedestrian you looked like a beggar. To someone more prejudiced and worried for their life; you looked like a thief, or trouble.

The guard was aware of you, but never saw you act out any crimes. You would sit in public areas, watching folk pass by, wandering aimlessly until you were out of sight.

Like many times before, you took your pick. Using strange psychic abilities to displace items into your pockets. You would never aim for the better trinkets, just little things.. Like misplaced gold coins, or rusty coppers. Gold they can miss, a necklace? Maybe. If it looked like a family heirloom, you certainly avoided it. So far no one has reported their losses.

You only took what could easily be traded for food. During the nights, you would find a place to sleep on the docks, below a bridge, or an abandoned market stall.

Why are you here? One might wonder. There was no answer for it. You simply were here. 

As you nodded off, the cold was getting to you. A voice called out to wake your anxious body jerk right up. ‘’You poor sod.’’ It was a wintershield watchman, one you’ve met before. Never talked to, though. But his face was plain enough to remember. Remember.

‘’It’s certainly not the time of the year for you to sleep outside. I can’t stand it.’’ The man complained, you looked at him dully, wondering when he would leave you be, so you could sleep.

‘’How about I treat you to a night at the inn? Hmm?’’ His tone changed, but you couldn’t place with intentions. Your neck hairs stood up with caution. ‘’What’s your bargain, guard? I doubt you’d offer something so freely.’’ The man smirked in response.

‘’I’ll tell you, but first.. How about a warm meal?’’

The tavern was pretty empty, small. One quick look would make one assume it was not a popular establishment. Another one and you questioned the type of customers this place had. It wasn’t loud, but it felt.. Suspicious.

Your stomach disagreed with you, and you hungrily gorged on the dinner the man purchased for you. If not for the food, you would’ve noticed his obsessive staring. His eyes lingered on your dirtied face, picturing something.

‘’What is your name?’’ He asked, causing you to look up from your plate. ‘’..Why do you want to know?’’ Your eyes warily scanned the man. You did not trust him one bit, but you were so damn hungry. A part of you was ready to kill him if needed. You didn’t care if they threw you in jail.. At least you’d be somewhere inside. Hidden. ‘’Tav…My name is Tav..’’ 

Why you wanted to hide, you could not place. What were you hiding from? A headache?

No.. This food was too good. Just think about the food. Eat your heart out. Ignore this man.

Once finished, you watched the man pay for a room, he took you upstairs, guiding you inside. A warm bed was waiting for you, not the best.. But better than the stone floors of Neverwinter. Better than frostbite and cold feet.

Then.. The door lock made a loud sound behind you. The once too friendly guard grabbed you by the throat, slamming you onto the bed. Your vision quickly turns white, and before you know it, you’re covered in blood, drifting in the water by the docks, unsure what just happened.

Disoriented by the sudden displacement, you force yourself to swim back to the shore, fighting the nausea and coughing up from the cold. Shuddering.

There’s shouting, yelling in the distance. Fear. You wanted to run.. Did you kill the man? Did he drug you? The water already washed away any evidence. You search yourself for wounds but find none. Perhaps you did kill him, for one thing.. The dagger you hid below your shirt was missing. Your cloak was torn, making you believe there was a struggle and you got away.

You searched for the location of the fight in the distance. You could see the inn from where you stood. The roof was torn open, yet there were no signs of fire or explosion. Just a large hole, like a beast flew out. The guard certainly took notice, because you could see flashes of torches reaching the place.

Without much further thought, you jumped back in the water and swam to a different dock, to avoid leaving footsteps in the sand.

Once you reach the safety of the wooden planks, a fainting spell overtakes your body, but your stubborn reflexes refuse to let you pass out. Landing on your hands, you got right back up, jerking forward, eyes searching for the nearest hiding spot.

You notice the doors of a storage shed, likely used by the fishmongers. Once you got close enough, you halfway fell against the door, it opened just fine. Someone forgot to lock this place up it seems.

Exhausted, you drag yourself, crawling inside, hoping you aren’t bleeding and leaving no trail. It didn’t matter, even with the adrenaline, your body demanded sleep.

You face plant into the ground, unable to move. The fear kept you awake for a while, making you shake helplessly. Something awakened in your veins, a headache.. Then.. A quake. Some boxes fell, the sound of dead fish flopping over the floor was close .Afterwards, silence.

The silence was so deafening.

Morning came oh so rudely. A trail of light hits your wet face, you feel stiff. You hadn’t died of hypothermia, but you might soon.. Your instincts told you to get up and search for warmth.

The shed had many things, fish. Partially spoiled, some still fresh and preserved.

Firstly, you took boots that were laying around and happily discarded your old ones. For a moment, you looked at the scraps that previously covered your feet. The chunky old things had holes, and a strange familiarity. It made you sad as you stared. These boots must’ve been dear to you once, but you can’t fathom why it made your heart sink to toss them. Was it a family heirloom? No.. Maybe you’d just worn them for a very long time. It was nostalgia.

Some more searching and you found a few things they’d probably miss. A new bag you could slink around your waist, and a fresh shirt. It was old, smelled bad, and had a few patched holes, but it was good enough. A needle and thread later, and you repaired your cloak with some fabric you found.

Before leaving, you made sure to clean up the mess you made, hoping to hide your traces. A few fish they could miss as well, serving yourself some breakfast with a makeshift firebolt.

The docks were starting to become lively, not too crowded. You passed with ease back into the streets, returning to your usual habits. Wandering and taking things that could be missed. Your mind emptied itself of the events of last night. It happened, it passed.

 A thin layer of snow had started to cover the city landscape, greeting you bitterly.

Something about the season felt strange. As if you’d never seen snow before. Everything felt new, yet so strangely familiar. Images occasionally played in your head, showing the streets of a different city. It was confusing and disorienting at times, but you did not like the visions.

Something about the different city made you feel on edge. There was a vision of an explosion, fires. Bodies scattered among the rubble. Whatever that place was, you weren’t there anymore. You were here instead.

This morning, the usual charitable figures would approach you, not say a thing, but toss a few coins your way. They barely looked at you, feigning empathy, but truly they just pitied the sight of you. Hoping the money would be enough to make you leave.

One look at your reflection in the frozen fountain water spoke loudly. You were a mess. Your hair had grown longer, tangled, uncared for. Despite the fresh clothes, your face was covered in bruises and patches of dirt. You did not recognise your own face, vaguely recalling what it used to look like. Your eyes were dull, doll-like. Tired.

‘’Look at him. It reminds me of when this City had a Beggar’s Nest.’’ Gossip of two loud Elven nobles nearby took your attention, but you didn’t turn to face them.

‘’Hush! Enough of that. I don’t want to think about that damn volcano or the undead invasion again.’’ Afterwards, the couple huddled away quickly.

Your mind blanked. You are a beggar. That’s the closest to a sense of self you’ve gotten this past week. You’ve been here for at least a few months. Someone approached you with a letter a little while ago, but it made no sense to you. The place was vaguely described, and you did not know what any of it meant. The letter must’ve been misplaced, so you tossed it without much thought.

‘’You look like you could use some help.’’ Another voice. This time, it came from someone much smaller than you. A halfling woman, she looked at you with a bright smile. ‘’Want a job?’’ She offered. ‘’I’ve just opened a tavern nearby. Work for me.’’ The cheerfulness of the woman made you wary. ‘’I..I.. Don’t like taverns.’’ You stuttered. ‘’C’mon now lad.’’ She offered her hand. ‘’Let's get you warm, okay?’’ Something in you made you reach forward. She had this motherly feeling about her. Your height difference was a little awkward as she pulled you away from the public space as if you were a lost child.

All the way into her charming little building, she held your hand firmly, not tightly, but firm. She was strong, you could sense. Perhaps the woman had been an adventurer some time ago. All though it was more likely that you were skin and bones, you did not have much strength to go on with and last night reminded you of that.

‘’I am Jilvy Fogwater, This is my tavern! Do you have a name, dear?’’ The halfling woman spoke once you sat down. The tavern was definitely made for people of various heights. The woman grabbed a seat and climbed on top to meet you face to face. ‘’..Tav. It’s just Tav.’’

‘’Tav, hmm?’’ Jilvy cocked her head to the side. ‘’You seem so unsure..’’ She pondered, looking worried.

‘’No worries Tav! Let me take care of you from now on.’’ Her smile was warm and friendly. Something inside your empty head responded. Was that a sense of relief? You couldn’t tell.

Your emotions had been confusing for so long. The only things that made sense were your base instincts. Hide. Run. Steal. Eat. ‘’Okay..’’ You wanted to thank her, but you hesitated.

She nodded at your response in acknowledgement, turning around and pouring you a hot cup of tea from which you drank greedily.

‘’Usually the folks prefer beer at these kinds of establishments. I intend to serve breakfast and lunches without alcohol.’’ The woman continued to prattle on about her business venture. Something about healthier diets and battling addiction or whatever.

Your mind emptied as you eyed the wall. There were some pictures framed. Paintings. One of her family, probably. Another of a halfling child with a similar hair colour to you.

Perhaps this woman pitied you, or felt a need to heal from an old wound. You didn’t know, and you didn’t want to ask. Her motherly energy was difficult to ignore. You did not find it unwelcome, just odd. Everything was odd.

At the very least you didn’t feel lonely.

[actuallyevilgay]

The Apathy (Part 1)

Astarion x Male Reader/Tav

DNI if you are a minor. Dead dove don’t eat. Please read my about before replying. Content: Astarion x Male tav, spoiler warning for act 3 and epilogue.

Summary: After the final battle, Tav disappears, perhaps to mend his broken heart. The adventure has done more damage to him than everyone thought at first. Notes: Astarion is the vampire ascendant, Tav is not a heroic figure. Contains headcanons for several characters, contains headcanons for illithid brain alteration but not evolving. Tav uses daggers and magic. Astarion is an Arcane Trickster Rogue. Content Warnings: Tav suffering from depression / ptsd, self-neglect. A/N: This is my first fic idea I wanted to explore. Some of these elements are inspired and used from my oc, I won’t overly describe Tav, but I wrote it with a long-living race in mind. So Elf, or Half Elf, or Tiefling and such. Tav would not age very quickly.

. . . . . .

The adventure had been.. Brutal. From the day you awoke on the nautiloid, all the way until you fought the nether brain. Without much peace in between the night, the fighting, the plot thickening, you remember every horror and every threat. You were not a hero, you’ve told Wyll that much. When he pleaded to hurry after the father that abandoned him, or when Karlach asked you to beat the shit out of some fake paladins.

You were not a hero, even as you helped up Shadowheart from the sands, or saved Gale from the portal or fed him a useless ring.

You told them, time and time again. Especially Astarion and Lae’zel, whose eyes pierced yours with a silent kinship. You did not trust any of them until they somehow managed to crawl into your heart.

Saving the tieflings wasn’t so bad, but everything went downhill from there.

And yet you still helped every friend you made, you kept promises and fulfilled them. You swallowed your pride as you consumed the powers from tadpoles, feeling the illithid magic take from you, childhood memories you might have once cherished. It made you numb, like you lost something- The ability to understand your own experiences. You could not put words to it, perhaps it scratched away the small bits of morality you harboured a very long time ago.

Jaheira certainly was stupid enough to trust you despite your lack of caution to the tadpoles. It wasn’t until the emperor revealed himself that you realised power comes at a price. For a moment, sense returned- you killed the very thing that promised you evolution with a stomp. No, you would not let this adventure take more than it already had.

Perhaps it was too early to think that it could not take more. Baldur’s gate had come. And everything was horrible. You remember the dread as you led Shadowheart back into her cult, to slay the woman who had raised her. You dread with every fibre of your body as Orin kidnapped Gale, you fear for his life. You remember Karlach’s heartbreak at the corpse of the man she once trusted most in the world. As unheroic as you claimed to be, you still helped save Wyll’s father.

And then.. Vampires. The night raid on the camp. It was time to face Astarion’s nightmare. You were in love with the pale elf. Sharing stories of your past as you struggled to keep it together. You needed to be strong for all of them, not just him…

Leading this band of adventurers into the mouth of hell, time and time again, coming out victorious and triumphant. You don’t remember if you were smiling, but you remember their faces clearly, when you let him ascend.

It had occurred to you that you were sacrificing 7000 souls. But you didn’t care about the cost, beaten and broken from the fight. The colourful edges of once rich, lively looking eyes staring down the back of your lover.

Cazador’s screams were delightful. The agony, the pleasure of taking from him what he wanted most and giving it to the person who had been your entire world the past few months. It was everything.

And you were berated for making the choice.. Your friends wouldn’t fight you on it, so close to the end. It wasn’t until Jaheira pulled you aside and fussed over your mental state that your numbness subsided for a moment.

Are you even a good person? ..Does it matter?

The memory of Astarion’s sultry voice thanking you for your actions and talking of a reward was blurry, like it wasn’t real.

‘’What can I do for my dearest pet?’’

‘’Huh?’’ You looked up at him, as if shaken from a dream.

‘’Darling, there must be something you want? Don’t be dense..’’

There was silence, before you opened your mouth again. ‘’I’m sorry, all I can think about is sleep.. We’ll have to face the netherbrain soon. Gods.. I’m tired.’’

You barely remember the rest of that conversation. Astarion wanted something from you and expected you to know what it was, but all you could think about was how exhausted you were.

He hurt you with words, and you hurt him with silence. It numbed you so bad the memory was lost in the sea of nightmares. You don’t remember why you broke up. You don’t remember why, but it hurt you so much to even look at him. It hurt you so much to be around these people.. These people you loved. These people who were your dear friends. After it all was over.. When Karlach and Wyll descended into Avernus and Lae’zel flew away on a red dragon, you just looked to the sky absently. Barely hearing Shadowheart’s suggestion of sharing a drink. You could feel Astarion’s eyes staring into your back as you left without a word, leaving the remainder of your friends bewildered and confused. You couldn’t hear Gale calling for you as you disappeared into the streets and left Baldur’s gate for good.

All these memories were scarce and incomplete. Like a long distant echo of a time you wanted to leave behind. You disappeared like you never even existed, and even the city itself seemed to have forgotten about its saviour.

……

Six months later, your old friends gathered together to talk about their lives, a party organised by Withers himself at your dear old camp.

‘’I did not expect you to be here, out of everyone.. To be honest with you.’’ Gale arrived early, to be met with Astarion who wore his prideful new garments with much flair. ‘’Ugh, you look like a mess Gale. No offense.’’ He eyed the wizard up and down. ‘’I would’ve liked to be fashionably late, but I prefer doing things differently.’’ Astarion added, waving his hand in a dismissive manner.

Gale laughed a little. ‘’Ah, I thought I was running late myself.. But yes, I should’ve taken my time before coming. These are my teacher’s robes!’’ He nervously scratches the back of his head, making a faint smile. ‘’It doesn’t take that much time to make an effort. You could’ve tried at least.’’ Astarion speaks in a familiar tone, ‘’But,’’ He takes a breath, ‘’ You were the clumsiest out of everyone, it reminds me of the many times you’ve slipped on your own ice spells, Tav would complain about it a lot. I shouldn’t expect too much from you.’’ His tone remained friendly. Astarion grew tired of the conversation. Pondering when his lost love would arrive. He had so many questions for him.. The memory of his departure haunted him.

‘’And this is why you are never getting married, Mr Dekarios.’’ Tara nearly startled Astarion as she spoke up. ‘’Tara! I do my best alright? Six Months is not enough to recover from several near death experiences, having a netherese orb extracted from- and.. and I’ve only just landed this job!’’ 

The mind numbing conversations continued as every guest slowly made their show. Even as Wyll and Karlach were magically transported to this familiar place, as shadowheart and Lae’zel joined hand in hand, declaring their relationship. They would not shut up.

Jaheira, Halsin, and Minthara were here too. Even Minsc! Everyone.. Except..

Astarion stared into the night sky, expecting Tav to arrive any moment now. Withers let out a loud ‘’ahem’’ as he made a toast.

‘’Where is Tav?’’ Astarion interrupted. ‘’Are you still expecting him to come, fanged one?’’ Jaheira interjected. ‘’Is that the only reason you are here?’’ Everyone grew quiet.

‘’Oh, I am here for the drama alright.’’ Astarion snarled back at Jaheira. ‘’Do you have the faintest idea why he isn’t here?’’ Astarion’s voice had a growl.

Jaheira’s expression softened. ‘’Don’t blame me, I tried to follow after him as you were satisfied with your diabolical ascension and crimson palace.’’

Astarion wanted to do many things, but arguing was not one of them. He waited for Jaheira to continue speaking.

‘’I could not find him, I tried. It’s like he erased himself from existence. He doesn’t want to be found.’’ The harper spoke with a melodic sadness, but also acknowledgement. 

‘’Why did you come, Astarion? Did you want to gloat in front of him?’’ Shadowheart added.

‘’No.’’ Astarion’s reply was quick. ‘’I don’t know why, anymore. Why did he leave? After all we’ve been through?’’ He masked his desperation, not wanting to appear weak in front of his old friends. He knew they judged him for his actions. For the way he spoke to Tav when they broke up. For the way he lied bitterly through his sharp teeth when Tav needed him most.

‘’Perhaps,’’ Karlach’s voice broke slowly. ‘’It was all too much for him, wasn’t it?’’ She turned to withers, expectantly for an answer. The old skeleton shook his head. ‘’His soul remains on the mortal plane.’’ Everyone’s eyes widened.

Jaheira shakes her head. ‘’The question remains, is it even a good idea to search for him?’’

‘’Well.. If I were him, I would want my friend to know if I’m doing alright. Oh- and I am doing quite fine, don’t worry.’’ Gale’s reply was met with an eyeroll of both Jaheira and Astarion.

‘’Maybe he’s fighting battles elsewhere. He was a good leader.’’ Lae’zel suggests, but it doesn’t stop everyone from theorising.

Minsc and Wyll both came up with ridiculous suggestions, from bounty hunting kobolds to slaying giants. Something, something, with dragons? Gods. Shadowheart thought maybe he left to start a new life somewhere, perhaps as a labourer, but it bothered her that he wouldn’t write a letter at least.

Everyone had their own ideas and fantasies about what the hell Tav was doing, coming up with one new thing and the next. Travelling. Carpenting. Exploring the underdark. Farming. Solving murders, painting nobles, crafting potions, writing songs. Astarion could not picture it at all. The idea of not knowing after all this time stressed him out.

If he wasn’t dead, and still in this plane.. He had to be somewhere.. Working, living. Breathing? He had to be doing something.

‘’You did pass him your invitation letter, correct?’’ Astarion eyed Withers intensely.

‘’Yes.’’ A crude response, but it offered no further suggestions to the whereabouts or well being of their old friend.

‘’Then you know where he is.’’ Astarion’s glare expanded. ‘’Tell us.’’ The silence grew heavy. Withers’ dead eyes looked over the vampire, noting the hidden concern in his voice.

‘’Neverwinter. I will not say more.’’ 

‘’Why in the hells is he in Neverwinter of all places?’’ Astarion questions. ‘’He is baldurian..’’ 

‘’Perhaps to get as far away as he can, from you.’’ Jaheira’s remark bit through Astarion’s side, but he swallowed his pride and did not bark back.

‘’Baldur’s gate did take quite a hit..’’ Gale looked excited at the prospect of visiting Neverwinter. ‘’Maybe.. If I divine a little.. I could find him, or at least, scry on him?’’

‘’Guys- Guys! We shouldn’t just turn up or.. it might be different. Perhaps he’s.. On an undercover mission!’’ Karlach tried to hide her excitement. ‘’Oh- But I do miss him.. Maybe-’’ The idea of joining in on an adventure to find their lost friend was refreshing, only to realise she still needed to pay Dammon a visit before she could even consider it. And as a result, miss out.. She let out a loud sigh,

‘’..You can scry on him? Why haven’t you?’’ Astarion turned to Gale, who stuttered in response.

‘’Well.. I.. Tried, but something blocked me out. I think he pushed me away.’’ Gale’s reply did only make the matter more concerning.

‘’Push you?’’

‘’You remember when we had those parasites? It was kind of like that.. I only just locked in on him, and felt a harsh push.’’

‘’I’d be godsdamned if he turned into a mindflayer after all-’’ Wyll interrupts, the panic finally hits him too. ‘’After all he’s been through-’’ Everyone exchanged looks and glances, expressions ranging from horror to helplessness.

‘’No.’’ Withers interrupted. ‘’His soul remains.’’ The rising tension calmed immediately.

‘’But you did see him?’’ Astarion turns back to Gale.

‘’Barely, I’m sorry.’’ The wizard shook his head.

Astarion huffs. ‘’I had enough. Forget about the toast.’’ He leaves the party, pondering about all the information he had just learnt, replaying the scene of his departure in his head.

The tadpoles. The god damn tadpoles. He remembers that night, after he ascended. His dearest Tav, barely keeping his eyes open. ‘’I’m sorry,’’ His drained eyes, scattering over the floor. ‘’Gods, I’m tired.’’

He remembers his spat. His little.. Unfortunate mistake. No, the biggest mistake. The yelling, the hurtful words. Tav barely responded, his eyes said so much and yet so little.

After the netherbrain fell, that look on his face remained. Lightless. Dull, empty. Broken.

The job was finished. He must’ve walked without much thought. Astarion curses under his breath as he makes his return to Baldur’s gate.

He should’ve gone after him before. But now he knows where to find him.

[actuallyevilgay]

ABOUT

This blog is a work in progress. Sideblog for writing fics, main purpose is for me to express myself. If you don't like the content, please block me and don't harass me. I have no interest in pointless drama in this fandom. I am not an experienced fanfiction writer, I'm not looking for criticism either. My english may not be good all the time. Please be nice. Some concepts used in my fanfics are aligned with backstory elements of my own Tav oc, they are just used differently. OP You can refer to me as ''Riel'' or ''AE'' my pronouns are he/him. I am an adult. Born in 1998. Boundaries, etc. -If you are a minor, you should not be playing BG3 to begin with, its a 18+ game. Do not interact with me. Block me. -Please don't come to this blog to argue lore or anything else with me, I'm just some guy. I don't have time for that. -Dead dove don't eat. I will do my best to add content warnings, I'm not perfect and may not be aware of triggers of strangers. Please curate your experience. -I will not write gender neutral or fem content. -Astarion is pan/bi, reader/tav in my fics will always be gay. -My fics will include headcanons of characters and might not be dnd lore friendly. -Tav in my fics will always be a ''slender'' smaller man, a twink. This is for my personal comfort. -Do not reupload my fics anywhere. Reblogs are fine! Can I request a fic or oneshot? Yes, but do not expect too much. If I don't like the idea, I'll pass on it. I might abandon things if I lose interest or inspiration. I will not write about this. -Astarion physically abusing tav. -Adult Astarion knowing tav before they were an adult. -Mpreg, or omegaverse stuff. -An Extremely Heroic Tav. We killed 7000 people for this route. -Adopting children or raising them. Maybe.. Yes.. Depends. -Manipulation. -Possessiveness, obsessiveness. -Angst. -Stalking. -Usage of Mind Control spells like Charm or Calm Emotions in some situations. (see my Charmed fic for example) I don't want to write about straight-up brainwashing. Preferences. -Vampire Groom Lore. -Fluff, wholesome. -Tav is evil too. -Consent is a love language. -Soft! Ascended Astarion.

If you have any questions for me, drop them in my inbox.