advice-n-help-queen - Tumblr blog

[advice-n-help-queen]

you are the most permanent thing in your life. always. that won’t change. ever. so put you first. prioritize you. choose you. you, you, you. your needs, your wants, your dreams, your feelings, your happiness, your peace. never sacrifice any of that, and do not spend your entire life treating people who might be temporary better than you treat yourself.

— alhwrites

especially if they act like a temporary person: bare minimum, low effort, confusing, unkind, shitty, toxic.

[advice-n-help-queen]

romanticising your life 101: love yourself. adore yourself. buy yourself a pretty bouquet from that quaint little flower shop. pay compliments to yourself whenever you randomly catch a glimpse of your reflection. get yourself gifts that you know you want and love not just things you need. stop waiting on others to do it for you. treat yourself like the princess/prince you are everyday and suddenly your life looks a lot brighter.

[advice-n-help-queen]

Embrace your insecurity... or get rid of it?

First and foremost, … Yes. I’m back from the dead! What, I’m only… a year too late? But nonetheless, I’ve decided to rekindle my passion for helping people in hope that you guys will kindly have me back. :) 

Now, let’s crack on!

So... the dilemma of the day: should you get that nose job or not?

Honestly, this is such a difficult question to answer. The answer isn’t a straightforward no, nor is it a straightforward yes. Hence why I’m sure you’ve been left in this predicament of uncertainty and confusion. However, I’m hoping that the advice I offer you today, which will predominantly be based on experience, will steer you closer to finalising your decision.

Just like you, I have gone my whole life being told things I do not believe to be true. “It’s not that bad”. “It’s hardly noticeable, what are you talking about?”. “You’re beautiful, why would you want to change anything about yourself?”.

Context: I have a port-wine stain birthmark on my left cheek. In simpler terms: a useless, red blob on my cheek. To be fair, when I was younger, I had several laser surgeries performed on it, reducing it to red veins – its current form now. However, although it has significantly reduced in size and noticeability, it is something that still burdens me till this day. I am incapable of leaving the house without the protection of make-up, and if I’m in a predicament where I have no choice but to go without it, I am left feeling insecure and certain that absolutely EVERYone is staring at me. Make-up has become a chore, as opposed to a creative, enjoyable outlet people tend to use it for. This insecurity has left me struggling to open up to even those close to me. The only people I feel absolutely comfortable around in my “natural form” are my best friend, few members of my family and my boyfriend. 

However, it took me quite some time to let my guard down around my boyfriend. It even reached a point where it was putting a strain on our relationship. There was a period where I refused to answer facetime calls without my birthmark being concealed. This meant his romantic sentiment of calling me first thing in the morning was ruined by my insecurity. What made it worse is that he didn’t even know the reason why because I was too embarrassed to admit that the birthmark even existed. I knew that this would then expose that I’d been wearing make-up this whole time – even when he stayed over at my house for several days. Also, I was genuinely concerned that it would change his opinion of me, and I’d become less attractive to him. I know now that this was completely ridiculous to think and also unfair of me to undermine his loving, accepting and pure nature. He accepts me no matter what, not phased, but rather in awe of my flaws, which is one of the many reasons why I love him.

So, the first part of my advice is: I completely get it. I relate to your desire to undergo some changes in order to be free of an insecurity that burdens you. I also can relate to everyone else around you not understanding the severe impact of something they perceive to be so minor, can actually have. So honestly, if still now you feel like your sense of wellbeing will be enhanced by undergoing this cosmetic procedure, then I would encourage you to do it. When you are completely set on doing something, factors such as cost serve as no deterrent. For a very long time now, I have been contemplating on whether or not to undergo a final session of laser surgery in order to completely remove the birthmark. It was meant to happen last year, but Covid-19 messed up my plans. At the time, I was so frustrated and upset because I was so ready to be rid of it and start life renewed. However, I have to say, now I’m at a stage where I feel grateful that I haven’t yet gone through with the surgery. And here’s why…

I have found some self-acceptance. This has been my biggest key to inner peace. For the first time in literally forever, my mind is not preoccupied with my birthmark and how burdensome my life is because of it. I am able to interact with other humans with no make-up on. This may sound so futile, but for those who know me, this progress is IMMENSE. I have to say, my boyfriend has played a big part in this. He gave me the space to fully open up and feel loved for who I am. He reminds me of how beautiful I am, and how my birthmark actually enhances my beauty. He tells me that God make me this way, different from everyone else, special. Now this is by no means me saying that you need a man to remind you of your self-worth and to find inner peace. Hell no. But I have to give credit where credit is due. He only opened the door a tad – the rest was up to me. I grew to look in the mirror and not just be repulsed by the sight of my birthmark – fantasising about what I would look like without it. In a way, I now kind of see it as a masterpiece. And sometimes I even think to myself – would I miss it if it were gone? Would I even be me?

Now don’t get me wrong – I am still contemplating on whether or not to get the laser surgery. But now, it’s not an urgent need. I am surviving and living comfortably without it. Time to love myself and gain a new perspective was all I needed.

So, what I would say to you is… do what YOU want do. No one else is able to tell you how to feel or how to live your life. Only you know what is best for you and what will truly make you happy. If you decide to go through with the procedure – good. If you don’t and realise you are able to live comfortably without it – just as good.

You are a boss ass bitch either way.

I hope this helps x

[advice-n-help-queen]

i’m such a slut for reassurance my heart literally nuts when you tell me you want me

[advice-n-help-queen]

Hey lovelies, hope you’re all doing okay!

I’m so sorry for not being as active on this as I should be. I’ve been so so busy lately with work and other things going on. (Also, it was ma birthday on tuesday 😝😝).

I promise I’ll be getting round to responding to all of your asks very soon. I made a promise to myself that I’d be truly committed to this blog because honestly it brings me so much happiness helping as many people as I can (even if it may not be that many). So I’m sorry.. I’ll be getting my shit together very shortly!

Hope you all have a fab day! 💕

[advice-n-help-queen]

You do not have to look beautiful while walking down the streets. You do not have to look beautiful while eating. You do not have to look beautiful while talking. You do not have to look beautiful while laughing. While doing sports. While having sex. While singing. While dancing. You were not born to look beautiful, my love. You are here to enjoy, to feel, to live. There is no point in worrying what you look like when you are doing things you actually enjoy because that joy will be taken away by the fear of not looking good enough. Again, it is not your purpose to look beautiful, darling. Your purpose is to fall in love with life, to laugh until your belly hurts, to express your feelings, to sing from the top of your lungs, to dance as silly as you want to - without worrying about your appearance. For all that matters is that your soul is beautiful and happy.

[advice-n-help-queen]

How to TRULY move on...

“This is a long post but I have to get it out because it’s been killing me.

Me and my ex had been close friends for almost 3 and a half years. We met our senior year and from that moment on I had a huge crush on him. It wasn’t until the summer before our sophomore year of college that I admitted I had feelings for him. To my surprise he felt the same way. He was bi but that didn’t bother me. We weren’t official till school started but I assumed we were exclusive because of how he felt about me. Two weeks before classes started he told me he had to admit something. While I was away house sitting he had a short fling with a girl from his work. He made out and sent nudes back and forth with her. I was devastated. During his fling he’d visited and acted like everything was ok. It took me till school started to even speak to him. I knew I should have ended things right there but I was a stupid 19 year old girl who finally had a guy who liked me. I told him as long as he cut all contact with the girl I’d forgive him. He said he did so I did. For the next months we were happy. I even told him I thought I was falling in love with him and he said he felt that way too. It wasn’t until November came that I felt the change. He became distant and would leave me on read. I chalked it up to midterm stress. After a week of barely talking or even seeing each other I confronted him. I told him I didn’t understand what was going. He told me it was nothing and led me to think I was over reacting. By Thanksgiving I’d had enough. When we were on the phone I told him I wanted the truth or I was breaking up with him. He again told me I was overreacting and nothing was going on, but I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to be with someone who cared about me and didn’t gaslight me. I told him I was done and if he couldn’t be honest with me I couldn’t stay around. He didn’t try to stop me or even say anything. I hung up in tears and cried myself to sleep. A few days later he posted a very intimate photo with a male friend of his. My heart broke. The entire time we were in a relationship he was cheating on me with him. The fact that it was a guy didn’t bother me it was the cheating. I didn’t care what gender the other person was all I cared was that he cheated on me. Word spread fast through our friend group that he left me for a guy. They talked about how he only dated me because I wasn’t girly and I was basically a guy with boobs. I avoided all of them for the rest of the semester. I went to class and went home. My depression got worse and I thought very little of myself. Over break I took a lot of time to myself and worked on liking myself again. When school started again my ex wanted to talk. He said him and the guy broke up and he really wanted to be friends again. I told him I couldn’t, he broke my heart and destroyed my self esteem. But he didn’t understand. I walked away and haven’t spoken to him since.

People say I need to forgive and forget. But I can’t. I need advice on how to move on and pursue other relationships and not feel like with everyone it will end like this.”

I’ve been absolutely ITCHING to respond to this. I’m sorry in advance for how long this is going to be lol, but I have a LOT to say.

First, I’d like to say that I appreciate how difficult this has all been for you, especially considering how long he has been in your life. But the quicker the grieving process begins the better and easier it will be for you in the long run. You’re going to cause yourself more hurt by holding onto the past and the memories. He’s shown you who he really is and what he’s really like. Believe him. Don’t make excuses for him. The longer someone has been in our lives, the more inclined we feel to hold onto them and not let go. But as the saying goes, quantity does not always correlate with quality. Yes, he has been around for a long time, but in hindsight has be actually added anything positive to your life? Has he made you happy in all of that time? Has he considered your feelings, and has he ever been concerned about hurting you? NO. Are you better off without him? YES. Which is exactly why today is the day I help you officially be rid of this undeserving ****.

When you first got with him, you weren’t wrong to assume that he felt the same way about you. I mean he gave you the impression that you two were exclusive, right? He made you feel special, confessed his feelings. So, don’t feel regret or blame yourself. I myself have no clue why people are like this. Some people just love to play games, some people are just complete narcissists. They make us fall for them only to go back on their word and hurt us. And it sucks that we get tangled up with these types of people. And it sucks even more that it’s usually the pure-hearted, sincere people that end up in these helpless predicaments.

Just know that you did the right thing by leaving. A guy who genuinely likes you will never ever consider cheating and will never entertain other people, even if this does just include a “harmless flirtatious text”.  I don’t care what anyone says. That’s why I think no one should ever condone or make excuses for someone who cheated on them. And I know it’s easier said than done which is why people forgive and get back together with someone who cheated on them. And I know people have their reasons for doing this. But I believe cheating should signify a definitive end to a relationship. I believe that people who give second chances are doomed to a life of insecurity, regret and negative thoughts that will slowly eat them apart. A relationship without trust is not a relationship at all. I feel even more passionate about this having witnessed a genuine relationship, a relationship full of love, trust and understanding. Now don’t get me wrong, no relationship is perfect. But if your partner shows, not only through their words but their actions too, that they are completely devoted to you then this is more likely to be the person you spend the rest of your life with. 

When someone truly loves you they will  prioritise your well-being and happiness; make sacrifices for the good of the relationship; listen to you; acknowledge their mistakes (big or small) and commit themselves to making things right; make time for you; respect you, and will NEVER make you question their love for you. Also, you will not have to pretend or compromise your identity with this person, they will love you for you. Which sounds cringe I know, but it’s honestly the truth. If a person is not putting in the maximum amount of effort, then they are showing that they don’t care whether they lose you or not and thus are not deserving of you. A guy who likes you will never leave you on read, ignore you, become distant without an explanation. It shows they aren’t thinking about you, do not care about upsetting you and simply do not care. Do not settle for this type of treatment. Never settle for less than what you deserve or sell yourself short. There is someone out there who is desperate to give you what you deserve and treat you the way you should be treated.

You not ending things immediately, despite everything, does not make you stupid. Maybe a little naïve but then I guess I am guilty off the exact same thing. All the warning signs were there but I sub-consciously chose to ignore them. The feeling of being liked and worth someone’s time is so SO addictive. Especially when you’re not used to that type of attention and I guess when you’re a little insecure too (because that annoying, nosy insecurity bitch always likes to get involved).

It takes a really strong person to put an end to things and realise the toxicity of a relationship despite the temporary (fake?} comfort and happiness it provided for us. So guess what? That makes you an extremely strong person even if right now you’re feeling weak and defeated. And that is a key step to moving on. Do not victimise yourself but instead view yourself as a strong individual. After leaving a toxic relationship it is normal for us to blame ourselves. Our instincts are to remember the good times but forget the manipulation, the control and the isolation. Our minds rush to remember the kind words, romantic gestures and the undeniable chemistry you and your partner shared. But this is the same person who left you broken and emotionally traumatised. This is the person who made you feel so much self-doubt, insecurity and loneliness. So I am going to help rewire your brain and help get it back in check. I am going to remind you that you left him for a reason - a reason that is COMPLETELY and UNDENIABLY valid. Never try to compromise your decision or give it a second thought. He treated you like shit. You are a queen yet he treated you like a peasant.

Please please PLEASE get mad with me. Does this not make you mad?! I am mad for you. I am mad for all the people out there who have been mistreated and unjustly disrespected. I am mad at all the people out there who think it’s okay to play mind games and toy with people’s emotions as if they are not human beings. I am just straight up MAD. Please don’t allow yourself to get sad anymore, I’m sure you’ve had your days where you’ve cried and helplessly broken down. And you are completely entitled to these days, we need to get it all out of our system to truly allow the moving on process to begin. But now I just want you to think of him for what he is. A dishonest, manipulative, insensitive piece of ****. This is the motivation you need to allow yourself to move on. You need to reprogram your brain. You are a boss ass bitch. You need to channel that. Rather than spending your time thinking about him, spend that time on yourself. You deserve your time more than anyone else. This is a step that really helped me move on. And I’m still in the process of moving on, so trust me, I’m not going to preach to you like it’s easy, but a start is better than nothing. We can do this together. We’re strangers but gurl I feel so connected to you right now.

You know what you should do? Go to the gym. Work on bettering yourself and making yourself feel good for YOU, not for anyone else. You think someone liking you is an addictive feeling but that has NOTHING on the feeling of self-love and self-appreciation. Nothing is more empowering than that. We don’t need any man to make us feel happy and good about ourselves. Sure it can help add to it. But that’s all it should be. An accesory, not the complete outfit. (Did that make sense? in my head it sounded like poetry but writing it.. i’m not so sure anymore lol). You don’t even have to go to the gym - it’s all about doing things that you genunely want to do and want to dedicate time to. Whether that be yoga, reading a book, going out with friends…

Oh and that’s another thing. That “friend group” of yours is no friend group. You should be around people who uplift you and bring nothing but positivtiy and good vibes. After my break-up I spent the weekend with my best friend, eating an abundance of food that was bad for us and screaming the lyrics to enpowering songs. These are the type of people you need to surround yourself with. Not people who bully you and make you feel bad about yourself after a traumatic experience. Hell, I’m more of a friend to you than them and we don’t even know each other. Girl, talk to me. You don’t need them.

I’m so proud of you for walking away. I tried being “friends” which someone who broke me but it was just impossible. I don’t know how people do it, but it’s just not possible for me. Why burden yourself with the constant reminder of the pain someone caused you with no remorse? The worst thing is, as you said, they just don’t understand. They will accuse you of “over-reacting”, making you feel stupid for feeling the way you feel. I tried talking to my ex just to try and understand why he did what he did, to get some “closure”. But it just ended up doing more harm than good. People claim we need closure in order to move on but I don’t think this is always the case. Sometimes we just have to accept that some people are shit and that they do shit things. It’s not on us, it’s all on them. Why they are so shit is something they have to figure out, not us. You need to rid yourself of him. Delete his number, block him if you have to. Don’t message him. Don’t have any association with him. He’s not worth your time or space. Also posting sexy ass pictures now and then doesn’t hurt either. Show him what he’s missing. Because he really IS missing out.

And I know you fear getting into another relationship because you are worried it’s fated to have the same outcome. But trust me, when you spend time prioritising yourself and when you eventually grow to fully love and appreciate yourself, you’ll attract people who are good for you. You’ll learn to set boundaries and know your worth and NOT tolerate any bullshit. You’ll keep your standards high and will be able to detect the lying, conniving assholes from a mile away. You got this. The same thing won’t happen again because you won’t allow it to happen again. You hear me?

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. You asked for advise on how to move on and I’m sorry the answer hasn’t been so straightforward. I think the important thing is that you constantly remind yourself of how amazing you are and how wrong he was for treating you the way he did. Yes I don’t know you, but what I can tell immediately is that you’re a compassionate, loving and genuine person – someone who a guy will be extremely lucky to have some day.  Also, another important factor is time. You need to give yourself time. Everyone says this but it’s true. Don’t beat yourself up if you occasionally relapse and find yourself broken again, it’s all a part of the process. But just know you WILL get through it. And remember, if you ever need someone to talk to, I can assure you that I am here. <3

I’m also going to make a mini playlist of songs that helped me feel empowered. Something as small as the music you listen to can also play a big part in changing your mood and aiding the moving-on process. BUH-BYE to songs that make us feel sad and nostalgic.

Playlist

·       Lil Boi (Big Talk) [Ayanis ft. Queen Naija]

·       Unlove You [Ann Marie]

·       Heard It All Before [Toni Romiti]

·       B.I.T.C.H [Megan Thee Stallion]

·       Switch Up (Part 2) [Toni Romiti]

·      Who Dis  [Toni Romiti ft. Russ]

·      I Know [Toni Romiti]

·      Need Me [Toni Romiti]

·      Unimpressed [Toni Romiti]

·      Time To Leave [Toni Romiti]

·      Options [Toni Romiti]

·      None Of Your Concern [Jhene Aiko ft. Big Sean]

·      Rebound [Savannah Cristina]

·      Self Care [Savannah Cristina]

·      Self Love [Dreameville, Ari Lennox & Bas ft. Baby Rose)

·      So What [Amaal]

·      Later [Amaal]

·      Just Might [Summer Walker ft. PARTYNEXTDOOR]

·      Not The Same [Sybyr ft. Landfill]

·      Unleash me [Sybyr]

·      I Don’t Like You [Sybyr]

·      No Scrubs [TLC]

·      See Me [Melii]

·      Best Thing I Never Had [Beyonce]

·      Why Don’t You Love me? [Beyonce]

·      Freakum Dress [Beyonce]

·      Irreplaceable [Beyonce]

·      6 Inch [Beyonce ft. The Weeknd]

·      Freedom [Beyonce ft. Kendrick Lamar]

·      Sorry (Original Demo) [Beyonce]

·      I Don’t Fuck With You [Big Sean]

·      Be Careful [Cardi B]

·      Bodak Yellow [Cardi B]

·      I’m Every Woman [Chaka Khan]

·      Deuces [Chris Drown]

·      Handle It [Chris Brown (ft. DeJ Loaf & Lil Yachty]

·      Grass Ain’t Greener [Chris Brown]

·      Cheetah [Chris Brown]

·      Zero [Chris Brown]

·      Level Up [Ciara]

·      Needed me [Rihanna]

·      Wild Thoughts [DJ Khaled ft. Rihanna]

·      Bitch Better Have My Money [Rihanna]

·      Sorry Not Sorry [Demi Lovato]

·      Games [Demi Lovato]

·      Say My Name [Destiny’s Child]

·      Survuvor [Destiny’s Child]

·      Nice For What [Drake]

·      7 rings [Ariana Grande]

·      breathin [Ariana Grande]

·      in my head [Ariana Grande]

·      thank u, next [Ariana Grande]

·      Broke Up With You [Toni Romiti]

·      A Woman’s Worth [Alicia Keys]

·      Right Back [Ar'mon and Trey]

·      2 [H.E.R]

·      U [H.E.R]

·      I Won’t [H.E.R]

·      I Will Survive [Gloria Gaynor]

·      Crooked Smile [J. Cole]

·      Love Yourz [J. Cole]

·      Ain’t Your Mama [Jennifer Lopez]

·      Love Don’t Cose A Thing [Jennifer Lopez]

·      Stronger [Kanye West]

·      I Hate You So Much Right Now [Kelis]

·      Poetic Justice [Kendrick Lamar ft. Drake]

·      Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe [Kendrick Lamar ft. Emeli Sande]

·      Alright [Kendrick Lamar]

·      Leave Me Alone [Michael Jackson]

·      Love Me Right [Moxie Knox]

·      Feeling Myself [Nicki Minaj]

·      Don’t Cha [Nicole Scherzinger]

·      Medicine [Queen Naija]

·      Karma [Queen Naija]

(I know I said a MINI playlist but I couldn’t help myself…)

Also, I’m going to add some youtube videos that helped me a lot. They’ll help remind you that you are, and always will be, a boss ass bitch.

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Jo1rSII6vU

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTFp8cuBVLk

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1SLA7cmeHo

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I64AVJKsaWc

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dh1W-1Ulgo

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUjwVVxW0Mc

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMOPCvTM0o8

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hcJ9vxn2yY

·      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-NqX-g99jA

@wonderland-delusions

[advice-n-help-queen]

Never be afraid to say what you feel.

[advice-n-help-queen]

a gentle reminder that you’re safe - safe from memories, people who hurt you, and things from the past that make you feel bad about yourself. they aren’t real, they don’t define who you are. be gentle to yourself as you heal - this compassion will protect you and help you move on as a new person. you can begin again, lighter, without burdens, but growth and learned lessons.

[advice-n-help-queen]

Hello I need help! Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 months but i don’t think our relationship is going anywhere and there are various issues. He is very clingy😫 tells me he loves me all the time and texts me 24/7, which as an independent person feels suffocating. He also has a habit of making me feel like trash and guilty about what I say. He says he would never ever break up with me, only if I cheated. (P.1)

Guuuuurl, don’t worry – you know I’m here to help!

Okay, let’s jump right into the nitty gritty of all this…

You say you’ve been dating for 4 months but when you really think about it 4 months is not even that long. You should technically still be in the “honeymoon” phase, enjoying the beauty and excitement of a blossoming relationship. The fact that he’s exhibiting this type of behaviour so early on waves SO many red flags. It seems he has major insecurity issues based on how attached he has gotten so quickly. He says he’s desperately in love with you, and although he may have convinced himself that this is true, I feel as if he may in fact be in love with the idea of you. He loves what you represent. You are a symbol to him. The fact that he has someone as amazing as you, makes him feel worthy and good about himself. And it breaks my heart whenever I come across someone who has to seek someone else’s validation and depend on someone else to make them feel valuable and purposeful. I’ve been guilty of this myself. None of us our perfect and we all have our own issues, but it’s just not healthy and does more damage than good when we allow other people to determine our happiness. The only person that can help him is himself, not you. It’s not fair on you to feel responsible for someone else’s entire well-being. And I completely respect your genuine concern for him and it’s clear that you care for him, even if that might not be romantically anymore. But you are not his councillor. Think about the negative impact this is having on your own mental state and quality of life. Although it’s hard to do at times, we must learn to put ourselves first. I admire how compassionate and sympathetic you are. But you no longer wanting to be in a relationship with someone who is not good for does not make you a bad person. You are not obligated to stay with him. This is your life and so you are completely obliged to choose what you do with it and who you share it with. The longer you allow this to go on, the worse things will end up being. Think about it, as time goes by his feelings grow stronger and stronger and you become more and more stressed. It’s about time you set both of you free.

From what I can see, this relationship is adding nothing to your life but stress and constant anxiety. Us girls have the best instincts – whenever our gut is telling us something it’s ALWAYS best that we listen. It’s one of our most blessed, prized qualities. And the fact that you know within yourself that he is not the one for you and the “relationship is not going anywhere” makes it clear that that’s exactly what you have to do – let him go. Not only for his sake but for yours too. I appreciate that you’re worried about his condition following the break-up. And I can relate to this. it makes things all the more difficult when you have a conscience and are a genuinely nice person concerned about the well-being of others. So perhaps you can offer him the option of friendship if you worry he will have no one else to talk to. Occasionally check up on him but always ensure that you keep a healthy distance. You must allow him time to heal and to move on. Never flirt with him or reminisce about old times because this will only tease him with a fantasy of you two eventually getting back together. This will create an unhealthy cycle that neither of you will ever be able to escape.

If friendship doesn’t seem to be working and is in fact making things worse then unfortunately you will have to cut off all ties completely. This sounds harsh and is never an easy thing to do but trust me, it’s for the best. Right now, he feels as if you are all he has and that he’ll never be able to get over you. But this isn’t true. His emotions will be heightened, and he’ll try to convince himself that he’ll never be happy and will never find love again. But trust me, he’ll get over it. We’ve all been in situations where we have complete faith that something will happen and are so sure of what the future holds. We’ve also all been let down and left thoroughly disappointed when things didn’t actually turn out the way we hoped they would. It’s a part of life and a massive part of being human. So really, he’ll get over it. He’ll find someone eventually and hopefully by that point he’ll be confident in himself and have learnt to view love as something positive and liberating, not something to control and obsess over.

Just from the few words you have shared with me I can tell that you’re an amazing, strong, driven and independent woman. You need someone who will help you thrive, not hold you back. Hell, you don’t even need anyone at all! His obsessive, possessive and manipulative behaviour is toxic and something you need to be free of ASAP. And trust me, our friends know all. When our friends don’t like the person we are seeing, 9 times out of 10 he has GAT TO GO! My best friend voiced her dislike of the person I was talking to from the very beginning. But of course, me being completely infatuated and in my own delusional world pushed her concerns to the side and continued down the same destructive path. And of course, what happened in the end? He ended up being a complete ass. So please take both mine and your friends’ advice – let him go. I appreciate it’s going to be hard but just remember I’ll always be here if you need further help getting through it. And gurl also remember… you are an Olympic athlete champion in the making! This is what deserves your complete focus and attention, not unhealthy and toxic relationships!

Good luck… I’m here for you always

[advice-n-help-queen]

PERIODTT. Bad ass bitch vibes.

How to get over a break up Looking cute : Dress to the T everyday you really never know who you’re going to meet. be ready to meet them. Post cute ass pics : love ya self!!! look cute be cute act cute Be healthy : drink water//eat good//workout // be the best you you can be// Don’t be bothered : accept the fact that people come in and out of your life and they always will!! APPRECIATE IT. Thank god this person came into my life to teach me this because now I’m NOT going to make that mistake again. LEARN FROM IT. Nothing is more attractive than an unbothered bitch ! Like he really came into her life brought in with him a whole ass tornado and this bitch is still unphased?? Damn it’s cuz she’s a mf bad ass BITVH that knows her worth ! To-Do Everyday : learn// be kind///go the extra mile for people// put in the extra work Do Not Simp : literally no matter how much you want to cry don’t. Don’t be listening to no sad music to cry. watching y’all flipagram none of that.PERIOD. Don’t Hate Them : we don’t hate anyone. I dO NoT CArE what they did and who they did it to. I don’t wish the worst upon no one !!! the universe can decide they’re fate- that’s not my problem 🤷🏻‍♀️and I’m not putting my energy towards that. They can hate me IDGAF about them or what they’re doing. Don’t Force Talking to New People : shits going to happen naturally spend YOUR energy bettering yourself for YOU. Your next man is out there doing the same he’ll come when the Times right And last but not least : all the time you spend with this person or on this person or texting this person arguing with them etc. Is taking away from the time you could be spending improving yourself. They’re pretty much a weight and if you don’t CUT IT you’re gunna drown so cut it and keep it swimming.

remember and say this out loud everyday : It’s their loss not mine.

[advice-n-help-queen]

How to get over a heartbreak

1. Know that your heart is strong. Breaking happens only after a lot of pressure and endurance. It wouldn’t have been able to take so much if it wasn’t strong.  2. Know that your heart will heal. Have some faith in it. It had so much faith in you all this time even though you didn’t always make the right choices.  3. Time heals everything words cannot. You can read this post and hundred others but what you need is time. It passes, it always does. Remember how the good times passed away?  4. You can’t get over it, you have to get through it. It is a tunnel decorated with pictures of good times that aren’t accessible anymore. Some parts have glass shards and some have wilted flowers. You will hear echoes of laughter and loveable words but they fade away. There isn’t much light but there is light. Once you get through it, you will be able to look back and not bleed. You will be able to carry on and be happy. 

5. Take your time with discarding their things. Pictures, letters, texts, gifts. It’s been a year and I still can’t do away with the letters. I don’t read them anymore but I can’t throw them out just yet. And that’s okay.  6. Don’t assume how happy they are or what kind of life it seems like they are living now. Because your Instagram may be filled with happy pictures but is your heart right now? Others are no different. Assuming will only cause you unnecessary pain and comparing will further empty your heart.  7. Your heart doesn’t need any more emptying. It needs to be filled. With your attention and care. Sign up for that yoga class. Go for that open mic. Say yes to sleeping in on Sundays and having full breakfasts.  8. Don’t talk in absolutes. Don’t say you will ‘never’ love again or will ‘never’ meet/trust someone again. Remember when you said your love was ‘forever’? Absolutes are redundant. Stop using them. Stop believing in them. Good and bad comes and goes. It’s a cycle like everything else natural.  9. Don’t bad mouth them or yourself. Don’t obsess over what you said and did and everything they didn’t. Dragging the past into your present is like tying your legs to a rock. How can you walk ahead?  10. Don’t be in a rush to forgive them. It’s okay if you aren’t ready. True forgiveness takes time. And it’s only true forgiveness that lets you genuinely move on and get out of the tunnel. Wanting to and actually being able to are two very different things.  11. Breathe. Your lungs are functioning even though your heart may make it seem like nothing is. Run if you have to. Your legs are functioning too. Cry as much. Your cheeks and eyes won’t hate you. 

[advice-n-help-queen]

hi, i found your blog through the advice tag and thoht maybe you could help me with this problem ive been having. So i met this girl online, we were playing runescape together. we then got to talking by video chat (she is girl) and i got really into her and i think she is too. i really want to meet her. (Part 1)

This sounds very similar to a situation I recently got out of. I spent months talking to a guy. First as friends but I quickly caught feelings and assumed that he felt the same way. We would spend hours talking to one another; confide in one another about serious, personal things but also had loads of funny moments where we laughed and shared many inside jokes. I genuinely liked this guy and my gut told me the feelings were mutual. But my mistake was assuming. I was never upfront with him about how I felt and it wasn’t until after 6 months of talking to him that I was hit with the cold, harsh truth. It turned out he didn’t like me after all and actually ended up being a bit of a dickhead. So much time, that I’ll never be able to get back, was wasted. It also hurt all the more because I had spent so much time building up this fantasy of us eventually being together, only for it to come crashing down in the span of 10 minutes.

So that is the number one thing I advise you to do: TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL! The fact that you are unsure about how she feels tells me that you haven’t had this conversation with her yet. Trust me, I know being upfront and honest about your feelings is a scary thing. It’s why I avoided doing it for so long. It makes you feel vulnerable and you worry that you’ll lose the person you care about and that you’ll “ruin” things. But I can’t stress enough how necessary it is. This could either go one of two ways. The first way is of course what we all hope for – she’ll tell you she feels the same way and you’ll end up being together. But then of course, there’s the other way. She’ll tell you she just sees you as a friend. Rejection is never an easy thing. But the quicker the band aid is ripped, the quicker the wounds will heal. And always try to view rejection as redirection. She wasn’t the one for you, and yes this may initially hurt, but there’s someone out there who is. There’s someone for everyone.

But there’s also an in between. She might say something along the lines of: “I like you, but things are really complicated right now/it’s not a good time… let’s just see where things go.” This might sound appealing in the moment because it seems like she’s promising you a relationship at some point in the future. But please don’t fall for this trap. Trust me, as a girl, I can tell you that when we like a guy, we’ll make it very obvious. It’s impossible for us to hide it. We either like you, or we don’t. It’s either a yes or a no. If when you tell her how you feel she doesn’t make it abundantly clear that she likes you too, please take this as your cue to move on. It’s going to hurt a lot – trust me, I know. But don’t let the sadness consume you because you’ll soon find someone who shows you that they like you and will never make you question how they feel.

Please, please, PLEASE do not send her any money. I made the mistake of doing this and I really don’t want you to do the same. Although you like her you have to realise the fact that you are not her boyfriend. So don’t give her the luxury of acting as if you are. This will eventually make her comfortable and soon she’ll start taking advantage of you, maybe without even realising it. You deserve better than this. Also, you may try to convince yourself that you want to send it to help her, just to be a nice person because you care about her. This might be partly true, but for the most part you are secretly hoping that by sending her money this will make her like you more and realise that you’re an amazing person and will be the perfect boyfriend. But you can’t buy someone’s love. And more importantly it’s not your money that makes you valuable. She should see that with or without money you are an incredible, caring person and well if she doesn’t…her loss!

If you do end up sending her money and in the end you two don’t end up together you’re going to feel used and it’ll make getting over her even harder. Trust me…I’ve been there. It’s not a nice feeling.

I do not personally know this girl and of course would not want to speak badly of her for that reason. But my priority is you and making sure you’re okay at the end of all this. And from the information you’ve given me I get the feeling that you deserve so much better. If after speaking to her about your feelings you still feel confused please don’t hesitate to come back to me for more advice. I’m always here to listen and help.

[advice-n-help-queen]

Be honest. Be vulnerable. Do not be scared to show your emotions, my love. Dare to express what you feel and what you think, without fearing rejection. It is the greatest act of self-respect.

Source: quotesbyweheartit via Instagram

[advice-n-help-queen]

💗 Self Care Tips 💗

Give yourself at least one day of rest. Sleep in, stay in bed, watch a TV show, stay away from your phone, eat something yummy and just spend some time with yourself.

Turn off the notifications on your phone. I swear this is a game changer. It is such a good feeling, because it takes away so much pressure and you automatically spend less time checking your phone.

Make a list of things that you are grateful for/that make you happy. It ultimately puts you in a better mood.

Ask for help if you need it. Call a family member or a friend when you are hurting and feeling low. Asking for help is not weak, my love.

Do something nice for another person. Write a letter to a friend, buy a little something for your roommate, help a stranger on the streets - acts of kindnesses are so needed on this planet and they make the other person feel loved and valued, which gives you a sense of purpose and makes you feel happier.

Stay away from gossip and complaints. As Vex King states in his book Good Vibes, Good Life, conversations that hate on other people lower your vibrations and leave you feel down and blue. Stay away from negative people as much as you can and start surrounding yourself with radiant beings.

Stop negative self talk. I have said it before and I am never going to stop repeating it: The way you talk to yourself matters. What you tell yourself ultimately becomes your reality. So, try your hardest to fuel your mind with positive thoughts and watch yourself bloom, my love.

Give yourself time to do absolutely nothing. It is important to have down time and just sit with your thoughts for a while. Sit in silence and remind yourself that everything is going to be alright. You are capable of so many things and everything is working out for you. Repeat this whenever you have some time for yourself.

I love you so much. Take good care of yourselves.

[advice-n-help-queen]

Starting an advice column

Hi all! I am starting up an advice blog because I want to be a source of comfort to anyone out there who might not have a person they can confide in or just needs a few kind words from a stranger. I wanted to offer whatever advice I could on whatever situation you may be in, big or small. But also at the end of the day know that I am not a licensed professional and major problems you do have I will always first recommend seeing someone who can offer you professional aid and support, and then offer my advice to avoid making anyones situation worse than it already is. I would love if I could help anyone in any way that I can! Anything is welcome, and I have anonymous asks activated so everything you do send will be and always will stay private💕

🌸Possible topics you could send for help if you need inspiration:🌸

-Love life

-School/work

-Friendship

-Family

-Sexuality 

-Appearance and self-confidence

-Trauma and mental health

-Financial trouble

-Anything at all!💕

I hope I can help you in anyway that I can! Please share so I can help as many people as possible!