Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Text
Luke, asking MC & Simeon: Is it okay if I swear?
MC: Yes, Luke, We will allow you to swear.
Luke: F—
Simeon: Yes, go on.
Luke: I'm nervous.
#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me mc#obey me sheep mc#obey me funny#obey me shall we date#obey me shitpost#incorrect obey me quotes#obmswd incorrect quotes#obey me swd#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me luke#obey me simeon#obey me solomon#obey me x gn!reader#obey me x reader#obey me x y/n#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me x mc#obey me memes#jesus fucking cuckoo's nest
627 notes
·
View notes
Text
MC: My son(Luke) wouldn't hurt a fly
Solomon: But he would kill a demon
MC: Of course he would, I raised him
#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me mc#obey me sheep mc#obey me funny#obey me shall we date#obey me shitpost#obey me memes#obey me swd#obey me x y/n#obey me x mc#obey me x gn!reader#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me x reader#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me luke#obey me simeon#obey me solomon#obey me brothers#obey me#obmswd incorrect quotes#obmswd
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Commissions
-> Xiao x Reader (afab reader, no pronouns used)
characters: Xiao
genre: smut
summary: you get a little too needy and make your boyfriend fuck you before he has to leave to complete commissions
warnings: NSFW, established relationship, quick sex, use of pet names (baby), unprotected sex, ruined orgasms, little bit of angst at the ending
“I told the traveler I would accompany them on commissions…” Xiao groans, mindlessly pulling your body closer to him as you leave a trail of kisses down his neck. “We don't have time.” soft signs leave his lips.
“Yes we do… I’m sure the Conqueror of Demons can afford to be five minutes late.” his mouth falls open in a silent moan when you palm him through the pants. “It's been so long, I need you to fuck me.” you whine on his ear. Xiao debates if he should or shouldn't continue this, knowing he won't be able to stop until he is coming deep inside you. His questions are answered when you take a few steps back and start undressing, every bit of skin showing makes him hornier and needier for you. His fingers are burning to touch you, twitching on his side as he watches you get naked in front of him in the comfort of your home. He knows he has to be quick, the traveler will come look for him in no time but he always freezes whenever he sees your naked body, so desperate to pin you to bed and worship you until you're dumb on his cock.
You have both been far too busy. With the Lantern Rite arriving, you have been helping people around the city and Xiao has been occupied fighting monsters that always multiply with the festivities. You never seem to find a time where you're both free until now. Technically Xiao wasn't free, he simply decided to visit you before meeting the traveler to do commissions but you were eager and couldn't keep your hand off your lover as soon as you saw him at your door. You didn't even pull him to the bedroom, instead pinning him to the front door and begging for him to take you right there. Xiao, like always, does what you ask him to and pushes you against the door, hooking one of your legs around his waist. He kisses you like he needs it to survive, biting and licking your lips making everything a mess. You're desperately trying to take off his shirt but Xiao seems to not want to let go of your lips. Your hands caress his chest, wanting to feel him close to you.
Everything is moving too fast, Xiao doesn't even undress himself. He simply pushes his pants low enough to pull his dick out of his boxers and spits on his hand to wet his dick a bit more before he's pushing inside you. You don't even have time to complain about the stretch, Xiao’s mouth is on yours once again. His thrusts are sloppy and fast, the adeptus groaning every time your pussy squeezes around him. You're pulling his hair, trying to hold yourself against him as he keeps pounding harshly. The only sound coming out of your mouth are moans of his name. “Baby…” Xiao groans. “I’m close.”
“Inside, please.” you plead, biting your lower lip when you feel his long fingers touching your clit. Your head falls against the door behind you, your orgasm getting closer each time Xiao thrusts and his fingers flick your clit. You can tell the feeling building up in your stomach.
“Maybe he lost track of time!” you tense at the sound of the familiar voice on the other side of the door. “Xiaoooo! It's time to do commissions. Hurry up because Paimon is getting hungry.”
You can feel Xiao getting angrier even though his face doesn't show much emotion, he is chasing his own release before Paimon calls for him once more but luck isn't on his side. The traveler’s voice is heard, letting their companion know that maybe Xiao wasn't there but Paimon is set on screaming Xiao’s name while knocking on the door. Your boyfriend stops his movements, letting in a deep breath. “Paimon get the fuck out of here, now.” He growls loud enough to be heard on the other side. Everything goes silent and the adeptus takes it as a sign that they left. He goes back to fucking you, now without anything distracting him.
“I don't think this is working.” you say when your boyfriend lets out a sigh of frustration. “You should go before Paimon decides to come back.”
“I’m sorry.” he whispers, letting his head fall on your shoulder for you to pat his head gently. “I’ll try to come by after the commissions.”
You nod, even if you know it will be practically impossible. He pulls out, then fixing his clothes while you put yours on before standing in front of you to fix his hair. You give him a small kiss on the lips and whisper a be safe before your boyfriend teleports to wherever the traveler is.
You don't get mad when later that night Xiao doesn't show up but you do get disappointed when you see him next to the traveler, Paimon nowhere to be seen, while you're walking through the city.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Leviathan: If you were to die, what would your last words be?
Asmo: I love you <3
Mammon: *Rolls eyes*
Beel: Aw mine too.
Leviathan: what about you, MC?
MC: Finally.
Mammon: No.
#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me mc#obey me sheep mc#obey me funny#obey me shall we date#obey me shitpost#obey me memes#obey me swd#obey me x mc#obey me x y/n#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me x reader#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo#obey me luke#obey me simeon#obey me solomon#obey me brothers#obey me brain rot#obey me#obmswd incorrect quotes#jesus fucking cuckoo's nest
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Traveler: How is the biggest asshole in the world doing?
Childe, without looking up from his book: I don't know. Scaramouche, how are you doing?
Scara, choking up: Fuck you, Tartaglia.
#genshin impact incorrect quotes#genshin incorrect quotes#incorrect genshin quotes#incorrect genshin impact#scaramouche#genshin impact childe#childe#scaramouche genshin impact#wanderer#traveler#genshin impact traveler#genshin impact scaramouche#genshin impact tartaglia#genshin impact memes#genshin impact shitpost#genshin impact
153 notes
·
View notes
Text
status: currently having adeptus xiao brainrot 😩
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
them dinos were shocked—

#memes#funny memes#pinterest#holy memes#dinosaur#dark memes#jesus memes#asteroid#tumblr memes#creds to owner#i do not own this image#jesus fucking cuckoo's nest
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
MC: I’m too short to kiss my boyfriend on the lips, what should I do?
Raphael: Kick him in the stomach, and then when he doubles over, kiss him.
Luke: Trip him.
Solomon: Dump him.
Simeon: LITERALLY DON’T DO ANY OF THAT SHIT JUST FUCKING ASK ME TO BEND DOWN, JESUS.
#obey me incorrect quotes#obmswd incorrect quotes#obey me shitpost#obey me funny#obey me memes#obey me crack#obey me sheep mc#obey me mc#obey me luke#luke obey me#simeon obey me#obey me simeon#simeon x reader#obey me solomon#solomon obey me#obey me raphael#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo#obey me shall we date#obey me swd#obey me#obey me x mc#jesus fucking cuckoo's nest
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
MC: Hey, Is Lucifer sleeping or dead?
Satan: Hopefully, Dead.
Belphie: Yeah, so am I.
Lucifer: Excuse me, but, what the actuAL fuck?
#obey me incorrect quotes#obmswd incorrect quotes#obey me swd#obey me shitpost#obey me memes#obey me funny#obey me crack#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo#obey me luke#obey me solomon#obey me simeon#obey me sheep mc#obey me mc#obey me x mc#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me x reader#obey me x you#obey me x y/n#obey me shall we date#obey me#jesus fucking cuckoo's nest
478 notes
·
View notes
Text
*Diavolo interviews MC*
Diavolo: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
MC:.. in your throne
#obey me incorrect quotes#obey me shall we date#obey me funny#obey me shitpost#obey me memes#obey me swd#obey me mc#obey me sheep mc#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo x mc#obey me x mc#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me x you#obey me x reader#obey me#obey me x y/n#obey me brothers#obey me brain rot#jesus fucking cuckoo's nest
856 notes
·
View notes
Text
Solomon and MC in the human world
Solomon: How come you're back alive?
MC: There hasn't been a place made for me yet
MC: Heaven clearly doesn't fit.
MC: Hell spit me back out, twice.
599 notes
·
View notes
Text
SANEMI 😩✋🏻
GIYUU (pls have them)
OBANAI 🛐
HORNY MEMES (NAME) WOULD SEND TO THEIR FAVORITE PILLAR - excluding our airhead boy ofc.
Obanai

Sanemi

Rengoku

Giyuu

Tengen

Gyomei

Shinobu, Mitsuri

121 notes
·
View notes
Text
Lucifer: MC... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
MC: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Lucifer:
Lucifer: I wrote sanitize, MC.
#obey me incorrect quotes#obmswd incorrect quotes#obey me x mc#obey me x you#obey me x reader#obey me x y/n#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me mc#obey me sheep mc#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me shall we date#obey me swd#obey me luke#obey me simeon#obey me solomon#obey me barbatos#obey me diavolo#obey me shitpost#obey me funny#obey me memes#jesus fucking cuckoo's nest
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Beel: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Belphie: The car takes a screenshot.
[MC]: For the last time, get the fuck out.
#jesus fucking cuckoo's nest#obey me shitpost#obey me memes#obey me funny#obey me crack#obey me sheep mc#obey me mc#obey me x mc#obey me x reader#obey me beelzebub#obey me beel x reader#obey me belphegor#obey me belphie#obey me incorrect quotes#obmswd incorrect quotes#obm beel#obm belphegor#obey me brothers#obey me shall we date#obey me swd#obey me
923 notes
·
View notes