#genshin impact incorrect quotes

[zweetpea]

You(a prosecutor in this): I don’t think the Iudex likes me all that much.

Wriothesley: What on earth are you talking about?! What or WHO gave you that impression.

You: Well it’s just that, every time I’m prosecuting the Iudex glares at me through the entire trial. He barely even pays attention.

Wriothesley: (Y/n) I mean this in the nicest way possible, Neuvillette just has a resting bitch face.

You: No…

*Meanwhile with Neuvillette and Furina*

Neuvillette(talking about you): And we’ll name our third child Louis if they’re a boy and Eloise if they’re a girl! Oh! And our fourth child will be named Eden-

[mermaidfanficlibrary]

SHE'S TAKING MY HUSBAND!

Child Y/n and Child Xiao: *Hanging out playing with each other. Morax and the other adepti are watching over them.*

Cloud retainer: *Looking at the two playing before focusing her attention on Xiao* I should probably take him for his lessons.

Morax: *Sips his drink lot looking up from the table* I wouldn't do that if I were you

Cloud retainer: *Ignores Morax and picks up Xiao* It's time for your lesson Xiao

Child Y/n: *eyes widen and trying to pull Xiao back down* No! Don't take Xiao!

Cloud retainer: *Looks down at Child Y/n trying to calm them down* Now Y/n he needs to do his lesson

Child Y/n: *Starts to scream and looks at Morax absolutely devastated Xiao wasn't playing with them* SHE'S TAKING MY HUSBAND!

Morax: *spits out his tea and starts to chuckle*

Cloud retainer: *Looks at child Y/n surprised and puts Xiao down unsure what to do now* Very well then...

Child Xiao: *Blushes not understanding what's going on as Child Y/n hugs him, then looks behind Y/n to stare at Morax* What's a husband?

Morax: *Walks up to the two kids and ruffles Xiao's hair* I'll tell you later

a/n: This came from the episode of Bluey called Hammerbarn. I swear this was so funny to me.

Do not repost or translate without my explicit permission! Reblogs are welcome!

[luxthestrange]

G.I Incorrect Quotes#66 Thighs

In the Rebellion for the vision hunt decree

Gorou: Listen, Soldiers, You have got to learn to keep your eyes on the... *catches sight of Your thigh sheath* thighs... WAIT! I meant thighs, no, fuck, I don't mean 'thighs', I mean 'thighs', thighs, no!, I MEAN THIGHS, FUCK, THIGHS, PRIGHZE ON THE THEYES-

Lumine, smirking: Don't you mean prize, General?

Gorou, distracted: Y/n...

[harmonysanreads]

Reader : Is something burning?

Lyney : Just my burning love for you, darling~

Reader : Lyney, the toaster is on fire.

[alitheakorogane]

Reader: (Running around the place to avoid being hit by arrows) So, do all of you think I'm an imposter?!

Venti: Yep! But don't worry, we'll hunt you down with love!

Reader: Love? More like with a thousand arrows!

Zhongli: Just let us catch you and face the consequences of your crimes of impersonating the Divine Grace.

Reader: But I just wanted to chill in Teyvat, not dodge arrows, spears, and angry mobs! And what do you mean by impersonating?! It's not my fault I was born with this ridiculous face!

Venti: Ha! Good luck with that! We're relentless when it comes to catching imposters like you.

Reader: Good luck with that! Your aim still sucks, you'll have a chance catching a random sleeping hilichurl with your aim than me!

[saturncodedstarlette]

Y/N : I CAN’T MARRY YOU, YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR ME!

Diluc : WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!

Y/N : YOU ARE TOO NICE TO ME!

Diluc : I-I’LL BE LESS NICE!

Y/N, voice breaking : YOUR GIFTS ARE TOO SPECIFIC!

Diluc : I’LL GET YOU A GIFT CARD!

Diluc : I’M SORRY, I NEVER MEANT TO NOT HURT YOU

Y/N, still crying : YOU’RE TOO EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTIVE!

Diluc : WE CAN WORK ON THAT IN THERAPY!

Y/N : IT’S THE MONEY!

Y/N : YOU MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY!

Diluc : I’LL QUIT MY JOB!

Diluc : I’LL DO IMPROV!

Y/N : . . .

Y/N : NO! *runs away in tears*

Diluc, standing still in confusion : 😦

Kaeya, pats him on the back pitifully :

[adventures-in-teyvat]

wriothesley: there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder *glances at neuvillette*

neuvillette: well sorry i’m the chief fucking justice of fontaine i guess

[hopefully-helpful-daemon]

Kaveh, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed i was the king of all the ducks.

Alhaitham: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks

[sprayio]

Cyno: I think I have ligma

Tighnari: What’s ligma?

Cyno: LIGMA BALLS!!! So basically, let me explain. Ligma isn’t a real disease or a real word but it sounds like one. So it’s like an easy way to get someone to ask “what’s ligma” because it sounds like you have a disease or illness. So then when someone asks you say “ligma balls” (which phonetically sounds like “lick my balls”) it’s easy to lure someone into a funny joke and then it insinuates that they want to lick YOUR balls. So this is pretty hilarious on a multitude of levels. Firstly, (obviously) the other person doesn’t want to lick your balls, so it’s funny that you made them say something which demonstrates their desire to lick your balls when they in fact do not want to lick your balls. Secondly, it’s onomatopoeic, almost an onomatopoeic pun, so it’s pretty funny that “ligma” is phonetically interchangeable with “lick my”, at least in an certain accents. It may be difficult to achieve the same result with different accents, as some accents will hard pronounce the “ck” whereas others will omit the “ck” into a “g” sound, taking slang and cultural pronunciations into account, resulting in “ligma” instead of “lick my”. This makes it easy to fool those who are used to “g” pronunciations as a replacement for the “ck” plosive, or other variances. Do you get it?

[genshinincorrectly]

Furina: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.

Lumine: ...We're on the ground floor.

Furina: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

[genshinimpactful]

Scaramouche: *kicks down the door looking panicked*

Lumine: What did you do?

Scaramouche: Nobody died.

Lumine: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?

[zweetpea]

Wriothesley: Have you two ever thought about having kids?

You: WRIO!!

Neuvillette: Yes.

You: You- you have?

Furina: Trust me… he has… *flash back*

You: Well… I suppose I must confess that I… have thought about this as well.

Wriothesley: So how many did each of you have in mind.

You: Two or three.

Neuvillette at the same time: 20

You: //0///0//

Neuvillette: //^///^//

(Just something to tie my fans over until SAGAU is ready. This weekend hopefully!)

[agirlfromanotherworld]

[luxthestrange]

G.I Incorrect Quotes#24 Therapy-

Y/n: Were you dropped on your head as a child?!

Scaramouche: Bold of you to assume I was ever held!

Y/n:...

Scaramouche:...

Y/n: Shit-Baby, are you okay?

Scaramouche*already crying* No…

[harmonysanreads]

Reader : You're ‘the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans’ , what does that mean?

Arlecchino : It means I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

Reader : But, what's the first worst thing?

Arlecchino : ...

Reader : ...

Arlecchino : ...

Reader : ...

Arlecchino : They... they weren't always orphans.

[alitheakorogane]

Reader: This is like Among Us, but with isekai, a twist of obsessed religious freaks and magical shit I would rather not want to be another bloody decoration on my body. And it does have a vent in this place... Just add "i" on the end and speak "ehe".

Klee: Among Us? Is that another realm in Teyvat? Can we visit?

Reader: No, Klee, it's... never mind. Let's just focus on not getting smitten by the Archons.