almost-thoughts - Tumblr blog

[almost-thoughts]

a year ago, i dreaded waking up. now, i'm excited every time my alarm rings. i was right. it does get better.

[almost-thoughts]

just as i think i've drained myself of love

just when i think i've come down to the last drop left in me

something happens

something mundane, /in/ane.

a cashier is really nice to me

a stranger says says thank you when i hold the door for them

a little kid points at my blue hair and turns to their mother and says "i want that too!"

someone lets me pet their dog even though i'm interrupting their walk and wasting their time

someone wishes me a good day

someone smiles at me

and it fills me up again

slowly, steadily

[almost-thoughts]

i knew i was getting better when i was cooking with my mother and she told me to be careful while cutting vegetables and i looked her dead in the eye and said "do i look like someone's who's afraid of getting cut?" while gesturing to my scars and she laughed in response instead of breaking into tears.

[almost-thoughts]

when i was younger and would google questionable things, i'd always google reassurances and clarifications afterwards. like: construction of a bomb. it's for a story i'm writing i promise.

[almost-thoughts]

yk what i've been missing? insane fucking characters. like, fucked up on all levels and making it everyone else's problem. no redeeming qualities at all, just genuine insanity.

[almost-thoughts]

"your body felt like the cruel joke from an uncaring god" is such a hard lune and it's from a hellsing fanfiction

[almost-thoughts]

yo, don't listen miracle musical when you're high, i almost had a psychotic break when listening to the mind electric

[almost-thoughts]

“fuck, i’m already 23″ sounds a lot less horrifying than “fuck, i was only 23″, so i’ll keep it pushing

[almost-thoughts]

reading what i wrote at fifteen is kind of heartbreaking. i had so much hope

[almost-thoughts]

you know the weed is good if you get a lil paranoid

[almost-thoughts]

sometimes, i get high and fall into an existential crisis, and sometimes i think abt fictional characters

[almost-thoughts]

imagine how terrifying it'd be if bakugou actually had anger management issues. he certainly has issues, and he certainly is angry all the time, but what if he was actually portrayed as someone with anger issues?

[almost-thoughts]

i didn't deserve being an adult at twelve years old

[almost-thoughts]

i don’t hear my upstairs neighours, usually, they’re quiet and they don’t stomp around, but when i do, they are always screaming. it reminds me of growing up watching my mother get beaten up by a guy she swore she loved, and then i watched her unleash years upon years of repressed anger, of past hurt, and i watched them rip each other apart. but they swore they loved each other, and on most days, they looked like they did.

my upstairs neighbours started fighting increadibly loudly, and suddenly i’m eight again, sitting alone in my room, trying to drown out the screaming with my shitty headphones

[almost-thoughts]

my upstairs neighbours started fighting increadibly loudly, and suddenly i’m eight again, sitting alone in my room, trying to drown out the screaming with my shitty headphones

[almost-thoughts]

on this week of tiktok comments that read like tumblr posts:

[almost-thoughts]

yes i like found family. yes i like the thought of finding people and finding a home with them when i've never felt quite at home anywhere.