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[andicabiling]

September

September isn’t my favorite month and I’ve made that pretty clear for quite some time now. I don’t remember when exactly it started but I usually get a string of bad luck around this week–from being left by the school bus multiple times to having to stay away from my family, from getting my phone stolen to having to walk through Ondoy flood with my grandparents…it’s been rough.

Aside from all…

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A Piece of My Mind

A Piece of My Mind

It’s been a while since I last made time to turn my thoughts into words. I’ve been pretty busy with work and with trying to keep myself sane that I haven’t really thought about writing down my thoughts as a priority but a drama that I watched recently triggered my desire to write.

A Piece of Your Mind is a Korean drama that I just finished watching recently and it gave me a lot to think…

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Tick Tock

What do you do when time seems to be working against you? How do you know when you’re meant to be with someone in the future but not right at this moment? Are there clear signs that point towards what people call destiny? Or is it all just a plot they use in movies to make you feel happy about life and finding love?

There are so many questions about meeting the right person but people rarely ask…

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Missing You

I miss you missing me I wish you missed me more often I wish you’d want to come see me more I wish you’d miss me the way I miss you

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Regrets

I just spent the last couple of hours reading old posts and old notes, some from seven years ago. Now it’s almost 5AM, I can’t sleep, and I’m crying about some of the decisions I made that I can no longer change. Wondering about all of the what ifs that could’ve happened if I chose one thing over the other.

I wish I didn’t make life as complicated as I did, both for myself and for the other…

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Keep Moving Forward

“What do you want to do with your life?” he asked. She looked at him with confused eyes, scrunched her shoulders up and said “I don’t know. I guess I haven’t figured that out yet.”

This question bothered her throughout the rest of their meal. He’s got his life all figured out. He’s moving out of his mom’s house, he has a stable job, and earns enough to be able to travel whenever he wants. And…

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Alone

I stepped out for the first time

Into a world that was completely unknown to me

Was I excited? No

Was I looking forward to it? No

Why? I don’t know

I was more in distress than I’ve ever been in my life

And people I’ve turned to don’t seem to understand

People keep saying I should be grateful that I got the chance to travel

Or to just enjoy the memories that the trip gave me

But they don’t seem to…

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Finding Myself In Japan

I’ve been away from home for around seven days now and I’ve realized a few things about myself:

1. I don’t eat when I’m alone. I don’t know if it’s because I’m too lazy to look for my own food, if it’s because I don’t want to spend, or maybe I just forget to do it but I just don’t eat.

2. I have an amazing sense of direction(when Google maps cooperates lol). I’ve known this even before I went on…

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All I Need Is Time

Time. I show my love by giving people time. By having genuine and quality conversations with people who I care about. But people don’t always give you their time. And even if they do, their attention is usually divided between you and their phones.

“I’m busy” is a common excuse as to why someone won’t give you their time. But aren’t we all? Don’t we all have things that we’re busy with? As…

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Terrified

I can’t quite put how I feel into words yet. (You see how bad that sounds?)

But I am terrified at the thought of leaving the country for the first time ever and being alone in some foreign land for four whole days.

Not sure how I’m going to survive.

Don’t know why I did this to myself.

Will let you know when I get my thoughts straightened out.

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It Was Just A Dream

I can be cold. I can keep a straight face the whole day if that’s what it takes for you to realize that I’m in no mood to talk. I can throw a big fit if needed just for you to stop talking to me when I don’t want you to.

I guess that’s where it all started.

We were eating. Major family dinner kind of thing. And you were sitting right beside me. I, as always, was minding my own business, you, as…

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A Night Out

I looked at you and I smiled. Do I dare make the first move? Do I dare break the unwritten rules that make women who start conversations seem desperate?

I looked again and you were gone. Did I miss my chance? It was over before it could even start. I’m pretty sure you didn’t even notice the girl looking at you with a hint of a smile in her eye.

I stood up and I dared to try. I looked but you were…

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4AM Thoughts

I would love to get away from the online world. To be unaware of all the madness that’s happening around me. To not know what someone miles away from me is doing at this very moment.

I’d love to go back to the time when people called via landline and would talk for hours or to have hanging out in person as the main priority.

I would love to experience at least one conversation without the person…

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Pain

How can an insane amount of sadness turn into heart crushing pain? An actual physical sensation of your heart being ripped to pieces by an emotion so strong that you can’t even find the right words to describe it.

It’s the kind of pain you feel when someone breaks your heart. The kind of pain you feel when someone leaves.

It’s just too much for me to handle.

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Clarity

Why is it so hard to understand how we feel about certain things, about certain people? Why does it have to be so complicated? Why do things that seem so clear end up being a blur just because of something that was said unexpectedly? Why is it so confusing?

Can’t we just feel the way we want to feel? Can things fall into place for once so we can finally have some form of clarity in our lives? Is…

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A Month Long Break

I’ve been away from Twitter and Instagram for almost a month now and it’s been an interesting experience. What used to be my go-to activity the moment I open my eyes in the morning is now something that I don’t even bother looking for all throughout the day.

It took a while for me to get here. Sometimes I even think of checking in just to see how people are doing. But I know it will only lead to…

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All My Insecurities

I don’t like my nose. Sometimes I feel like it’s too big for the rest of my face. And those pores, they’re huge! And I can’t seem to do anything to fix them.

I don’t like my legs. Sometimes I feel like my thighs are too big. The scars and the unwanted hair are also some of the reasons why my legs give me anxiety.

I don’t like my belly fat. I have no idea how to get rid of it! The only way I can…