antiquechaosbringer

[antiquechaosbringer]

do you see?

i wonder if you really like me?

if you see me.

not just the painted facade that i hold up

close to my face with my glasses,

hiding my dreams with a smile,

but see the way i bite at my fingers,

tear at my skin,

at myself.

tear apart at my seams until

i can't tell where the damage ends

and i begin.

do you see?

i wonder if you see the way

that my face twists,

when he looks at her

like she's the moon and

hung the stars in his sky,

and how

he looks at her

like he never looked at me.

do you see?

do you notice the way that

i pay attention in class,

give every shard of myself to my work,

because i don't know what will happen if i don't.

no,

of course you don't.

you don't notice at all.

after all,

what's notice in a world like this anyways.

[antiquechaosbringer]

i'm not lonely

"I'm not lonely,"

I tell myself as I stare.

Longing for something new,

something different,

that will never be there.

"I'm not lonely,"

I grin and I smile.

Turning away before i see

him pull her close,

like he hasn't seen her in a while

"I'm not lonely,"

I sit and I scroll.

Wishing for so many things,

for people of my own,

but it all feels so out of control

"I'm not lonely,"

I scream and I plead.

I want to have a someone,

a someone of my own,

but it seems like nobody wants me.

"I'm not lonely,"

I hug myself tight

I have me

and me alone

should be enough, right?

"I'm not lonely."

I whisper, all alone.

In the dark, wishing,

and waiting,

for someone to call my home

[antiquechaosbringer]

because with her he was human again

[antiquechaosbringer]

exactly what i'm saying my dude.

[antiquechaosbringer]

He’s like me lol

All he ever wanted was the world~

[antiquechaosbringer]

i ship m/f ships but in an incredibly bisexual way

[antiquechaosbringer]

Does anyone else have those days when your brain just doesn’t want to work?

Like all the words just start swimming and you start thinking of all the things that you have to do and get so overwhelmed that you just curl up in a ball and stare at a blank spot on the wall.

Whelp it’s one of those days.

And I hate it.

[antiquechaosbringer]

I am never going to write this but a Hunger Games AU for Lockwood and Co would be so interesting. Like Lockwood and Lucy end up being the tributes from the same district, Lucy by sheer bad lock and Lockwood because he actively schemed to have his name put in as many times as possible by taking food off the capitol to redistribute to the district. And Lucy has to deal with the fact that her fellow tribute doesn't seem to care that he is about to play in a death game so long as he gets to make a statement while she is terrified and just wishes she got to live a quiet life.

[antiquechaosbringer]

gosh these two have stolen my heart and i don’t want it back.

Lockwood & Co. 1.08

"Yes, I killed him. Shot him with my father's pistol, sealed him with iron, buried him deep. Yet I still see him when I close my eyes, swathed in his velvet cloak, performing his rituals. I shall claim an act of self-defense. His cunning servant trapped me. The doctor held the glass before me. One glimpse and I felt my sanity shake loose."

[antiquechaosbringer]

Is this a problem?

[antiquechaosbringer]

LOCKWOOD & CO. 1.08

[antiquechaosbringer]

Alright, so I’ll admit it.

I am utterly terrified to watch Shadow and Bone S2.

My happy little Darklina self is likely going to be crushed over there.

And I don’t know if I can take that.

[antiquechaosbringer]

i feel like it's worth saying that it's okay to leave things for another day.

it really is.

like, if you're not feeling it today, that's okay. for some of us, there are days where our brain just doesn't want to be a brain and have us function.

and that's okay.

i'm right there with you.