apogrcpha-blog

[apogrcpha-blog]

note to self [ k. wonsik ]

words // 3.0k

pairings // Kim Wonsik x reader

warnings // none

summary // It’s a normal day of Wonsik working in his studio, he goes to take a break but there’s a box. 

Wonsik was a work addict, he had no problem denying that because he very much knew that he was a work addict. Where a lot of other people would take time between albums to relax and to enjoy themselves, Wonsik never really stopped working and he couldn’t really see himself ever stop working. He was someone with an endless stream of ideas and couldn’t just keep those to himself, he needed to execute them, to work on them and to make them something fully. Whether it was writing lyrics for upcoming albums or producing songs for other groups, Wonsik just never stopped working in all honesty and in a way it was hard for him to think about taking a break, he knew that it probably wasn’t the best thing, especially not as he said it out loud, but it was just part of him, to always be buzzing with ideas for songs and keeping them all to himself or keeping them inside of him for a long time seemed a little impossible for him to do.

Everyone in the building was aware of the work addict that Wonsik was, everyone from their staff knew it but generally everyone that was part of the company in whatever way knew it. It was always brought up, the amounts of songs he had produced, the amount of work he did and it was definitely something that Wonsik was very proud of. He poured his heart and soul into those songs and for all the work he did he was getting recognition, that was enough.

Today was not a different day from any other day, Wonsik had gotten to his studio a little late as he had overslept but it wasn’t too much of a worry since all of their songs had already been finished, now it was just him playing around with ideas he had, nothing that needed to be handed in or had any kind of due date, it was just him, experimenting with a different sound he could start using or different methods to get to work and to approach songs.

Time always passed impossibly fast for Wonsik, the day went by too fast and had too little hours for him to do all the work which he had wanted to do but so long as he reminded himself that there was always a tomorrow, he was able to deal with the annoyance of not quite finishing things up or making them the way he wanted to. He knew he had more time so he didn’t care as much. The moment Wonsik took a break was a very specific moment, the moment his eyes wanted to just disappear from the world was that exact moment but there was something which definitely accompanied it, the smell. Wonsik didn’t smell, he had showered this morning, there was nothing in his studio that could smell because he usually didn’t snack much and what he did eat was usually processed, in bags and nothing that had a strong scent so it was something else, and he needed to know what it was.

When he stood up he felt his legs ache, only when he stopped working did he ever really feel how much he ad pushed himself and how badly his body took to it sometimes. It was like adrenaline, he only realized what he missed once it was gone and it usually hit him pretty hard, harder than he thought it would.

Wonsik opened his door, it didn’t, It didn’t open fully as he noticed immediately that it was blocked by something. He glanced outside, frowning, that’s when he saw the box that was stopping him from opening his door. The box was in a plastic bag and he picked it up, the door shut before his eyes again and Wonsik headed straight back to his desk. There was a small note attached to the bag, the handwriting was quick and a bit illegible but Wonsik had definitely seen worse and written worse himself before so it wasn’t the absolute worst.

I think this is your favourite, I hope so.

Don’t forget to take breaks

There was still a frown on Wonsik’s face as he opened up the bag and boxes, it was his favourite food. Without thinking much he started eating, he hadn’t realized that he had really been hungry but now his body made it very clear that it had wanted food in the past hours and he wasn’t going to deny it any longer. Only when he had taken a few bites did Wonsik start to think why someone had just given him his favourite food, It was still warm even.

It wasn’t from someone from his band, he assumed. They wouldn’t have left it at the door, they’d have just barged on inside and announce themselves, even Taekwoon wouldn’t just leave it at the door wordlessly when he knew that Wonsik was sitting inside and it probably wasn’t the most important minute of his life where he really couldn’t interrupt.

It was probably someone he didn’t know or they’d leave their name at least, most would really just come on inside. There was still the possibility that this was all a misunderstanding, whoever put this there could’ve had the wrong door and all of this ended up being a very happy accident for Wonsik. He wasn’t sure what to make of it but after eating and stretching his legs out a little

There wasn’t much he could do and he had gotten quite absorbed into his work that he wasn’t even too interested in doing anything, for now he considered it a one time thing, a one time thing that had been amazing for Wonsik. The workday passed quickly and by the end half of the company was already deserted as Wonsik headed back to their dorm, even though he had gotten quite a lot done and had been focused on his work the entire day, the question about who had never left his mind completely.

-8-

It was two days later when Wonsik ran into another box. He needed to go to the bathroom but found his way unexpectedly blocked as he pushed a little harder before his door opened. It was another box, this one was smaller and wasn’t in a bag but there was still a little note attached to it. The handwriting seemed less sloppy now, like the last time had been in a hurry and needed to be done as fast as possible.

Wonsik set the box down on his desk.

This is a lot less healthy but it’s good for energy

Take care, don’t forget to stretch your legs sometimes

As he opened the box he discovered the definition of less healthy. It was nothing on the too extreme side but it wasn’t that great when it came to being healthy, nonetheless he knew all of the snacks and he knew that he really liked how they tasted so it was good enough for him.

After peeing he went back to work, occasionally snacking on the food he had been given. At one point Wonsik went to take a break and decided to think about who this could be, he wasn’t really sure. Even though it was only the second time he assumed that it wasn’t much of a coincidence anymore. It had to be someone who he didn’t know, a secret admirer. Yet, the whole idea of a secret admirer was that the person was a secret, nonetheless Wonsik was very curious and definitely wanted to discover who was behind this, who was sending him food. Even if he didn’t like the person as in love said person, he definitely wanted to thank them for the food because whoever send it, he or she knew very well what Wonsik liked and he loved it.

He decided to keep the note, he still had the last one too somewhere in a drawer, once he found it he put the small stack of two on the corner of his desk, this way it was something that he could look at quite a few times and it might end up being a proper reminder for him to take breaks, he wasn’t sure if it would work but he also knew that whenever someone else told him to take a break, Wonsik was usually far more inclined to do so, there was only one way to find out if notes would work for him.

-8-

A full week had passed and Wonsik had moved the notes from the corner of his desk back to a separate drawer just for them as the stack kept falling over and it was becoming a bit strange to have on his desk. Everyday he got the little notes along with food, and every day it changed. Sometimes it was even multiple times a day though that didn’t happen too often and it would usually be two snacks. Other times it were entire meals that were delivered to the door of his studio and after a few days he had decided to start asking around. No one had the slightest idea, for Wonsik it was quite easy to rule out a lot of people whom he personally knew but he hadn’t really assumed it would be someone he knew very personally, to him it just didn’t seem like something they would do, most people he knew would just be honest with him.

Wonsik’s first clue came when 9 days had passed. He had worked out around when the food would usually be delivered and he made note to open his door then. It had gone somewhat successful, he hadn’t been able to catch the person doing the deed but he did see the back of whoever it was and he felt relatively safe assuming it was a guy. He had an undercut, was probably a little shorter than Wonsik but that might’ve also been the distance. He was wearing a slightly oversized shirt, jeans and sneakers. It wasn’t anything too extraordinary in any way but Wonsik felt a sense of pride that he had been able to at least see this secret admirer and have something of a clue as to who they could be, it was still quite a bit question but just a little less.

So Wonsik continued to think, the clue was a small one but it was something nonetheless. He felt safe to assume it had to be someone in the company, part of the company or just related to it in a way that they were there on a daily basis. It wouldn’t be some random visitor, that was impossible so it had to be someone who worked at the company, otherwise the access to his studio made absolutely no sense and how regular they had become didn’t make much sense either. He asked around a bit but still it seemed as though no one had a single idea as to who it could be which made Wonsik both amused and annoyed, whoever it was must have a very solid act, he must’ve either told no one or just kept it a secret that no one would betray. It was amusing, the search as it was something very different but at the same time it was annoying, all Wonsik wanted to do was show appreciation to whoever kept bringing him food and adorable notes but the person seemed very set on hiding themselves.

Finding someone with an undercut wasn’t necessarily an impossible task considering the situation, say he had half of the company to look at it really wasn’t anything impossible for him to do but at the same time it felt like a very strange thing to do, it was a weird thing to do and there was a better way to approach it, Wonsik knew that and he was going to try that before just constantly looking at people their haircuts.

-8-

It took a month, a total month before Wonsik advanced in any kind of way but it was also the last key he needed before he was able to confront the person about it. The entire month he still got gifts through food, snacks and drinks. All of it must’ve been worth quite a lot as Wonsik started to mentally add up a few things when it came to the all the costs of the food and it definitely started to add up which made Wonsik feel even more guilty and feel even more like he had to at least thank the person for all the food.

The notes had become something entirely on their own, he had decided to keep them in a box instead of sprawled across a drawer and he opened the box at least once a day, validating the break that he was taking because his brain sometimes didn’t want to accept it as something that was necessary for him, when someone else told it, it just seemed more important to him and he was far more likely to follow it, no matter how strange it sounded. They had become a daily part of Wonsik’s life and something that he really enjoyed if he was honest, the reminders were very nice regardless of the situation.

Wonsik had gone on a small break, he was just going to take a small walk outside and enjoy some sunlight along with stretching his legs, there was nothing bad about it and Wonsik did genuinely need more Vitamin D if he was being honest. He had passed a hallway, just on his way to head out and that was when he heard something.

“I can’t believe you’re still doing this.” Wonsik had stopped, just out of sheer curiosity, there was no hurry to go on outside.

“It’s just nice, I guess.”

“I also can’t believe you’re still not broke Y/N.” There was a laugh, it was a deep genuine laugh and Wonsik felt something tingle.

“Food is literally all I spend my money on, I know how to get the best deals.”

Y/N. A name was all he needed, literally. A single name and a bit of an ask around and Wonsik was set. He left the company feeling quite excited, he went and took a walk though it didn’t last as long as he had initially thought, he felt quite anxious to go and get back to the company.

When he got back Wonsik asked the first person he saw, which was a visitor who gave him a dazzled look and so he moved on to the next person with a bit more thought before asking them. Wonsik recognized them as part of staff, someone who worked with audio if he remembered correctly and that person did know them. Y/N was a trainee and producer. It surprised Wonsik but at the same time he knew most of the staff quite well so it had to be someone new in one way or another. Through some gossip and asking around out of curiosity Wonsik discovered that Y/N had originally auditioned as a producer but the company had wanted to push him more in the idol direction as it fit him quite well. In a way Wonsik agreed, he had seen photos and objectively and subjectively speaking, Y/N was handsome and seemed to have a personality that would work well with the hectic schedule of idols.

Now that he knew who it was, it still took Wonsik some time to track Y/N down. Originally he had discovered who exactly he was before the clock had turned twelve yet by now it was closer to eight. He found Y/N in one of the practice rooms, there was an echo of music, a song which Wonsik didn’t recognize and he heard sneakers squeak underneath the wooden floors.

At first Y/N didn’t notice Wonsik as he watched for a few seconds. The song was extremely catchy even if it was only an instrumental and Wonsik was a little surprised as Y/N danced. It was in a way that held the same fluidity as modern dance yet also felt more rigid because of the popping, it was that mix that was very interesting to see.

“Wonsik-sunbaenim, I uh I didn’t see you there.” Y/N said, clearly surprised and in a way, a little awkward.

“You looked really good,” Wonsik said, it was the first thing that came into his head and so he just said it. In a way Wonsik really hadn’t expected to meet him this soon which made it a bit hard, he didn’t really know what to say because he hadn’t planned it. “Just hyung is fine.”

“Thanks hyung,” Y/N said, smiling. “Dancing’s still pretty new to me but I’m trying my hardest.”

“You’re not to bad, you’re pretty good from what I’ve just seen.”

“Anyway, what are you doing here? I don’t want to be rude but it’s pretty late.”

Wonsik smiled, he noticed that Y/N was getting a bit more nervous though he was extremely goof at keeping his cool if Wonsik was honest, he didn’t really slip up and all of it were in small gestures like quickly looking away, things he was only able to catch out of pure coincidence.

“You’re the one who left me food and notes, right?” Y/N blushed just slightly.

“I might have been, yeah.”

“I really wanted to thank you, I mean, I’ve actually been taking more breaks, it genuinely helped not to mention the food was amazing.”

Y/N blushed even more and even harder, Wonsik enjoyed every second of it if he was being honest.

“Well, that’s good. That was the whole purpose after all.”

“Hmm, right so thank you for that but also, I know a great ramen restaurant just a block away and I think there’s enough time left for that today, right?” Wonsik said, there was a small grin on his face though he did feel a little anxious if he was being honest. Y/N seemed very surprised but with no hesitation immediately said. “Of course.”

“Let’s go then.”

[apogrcpha-blog]

move it [ k. seokjin ]

words // 2.6K

pairings // Kim Seokjin x reader

warnings // none

summary // Seokjin seeks out the new choreographer, Y/N, because he just can’t get the dance right.

When Seokjin had heard the news that there was a new choreographer coming to join their team he was definitely curious to say the least, though he had definitely gotten better at dancing over the past few years and he had slowly started to enjoy it, it was still something he needed to pour all of himself in to get it right and a new addition to their list of choreographers could lead to quite a few outcomes. It had happened before that there was a new choreographer and Seokjin ended up not understanding the slightest of what they wanted him to do or their moves, it always meant a lot more hours in the practice room with everyone else trying to clear it up for him and that didn’t even always work out well, so he was curious, but a little anxious too.

In the end it had been the far better outcome and Seokjin had left with a smile on his face. Their new choreographer was called Y/N and he was an excellent dancer, he was an amazing dancer and had left Seokjin a little in awe the first time he saw him. The way he moved his body was fully fluid as though he was water, able to be turned into any shape he wanted to yet he still stood solid and everything looked very well connected and in general it looked very elegant. It was a bit daunting as they were shown the choreography for their next comeback title track and Seokjin was definitely struggling the first few times but Y/N had been patient and did the steps again as many times as Seokjin had requested so he would be able to get them perfectly.

Y/N was very nice, Seokjin had concluded, not just from him repeating the same steps tens of times just for Seokjin because he couldn’t get them right but while Y/N was strict when they needed to focus on practice, he was strict in just the right way. He was strict and kept their attention on what was important but he wasn’t strict to the point where it became ridiculous and he didn’t allow them a second to think or to revise what they were just doing but he did definitely keep them focused on the dancing. When they were given breaks though he was a lot looser, reminding them to keep drinking water because the weather was so hot the aircondition couldn’t even really cool it and they really couldn’t have a single one of them pass out due to dehydration or alike. Seokjin knew that they didn’t need the reminder, this wasn’t their first comeback nor their first experience with extreme heat but the reminder seemed genuinely kind and it was a good thing, in general Y/N was a good guy and Seokjin liked him, the rest had to.

So it felt a bit strange as Seokjin asked where Y/N was and he was told he was still in the dance studio and he headed there. It wasn’t like Seokjin, he usually asked the members if he didn’t get something because their choreographer had already done the task of making their entire choreography, he knew it was their job but Seokjin thought of it as an amazing feat nonetheless, Once he had stepped into the practice room he saw Y/N before the wide mirror wall, move around and play a bit, he was doing nothing special, just moving around a bit but Seokjin thought it looked really good.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah? Seokjin-hyung, I didn’t expect to see you again today.” Y/N said with a smile, he had been very formal but in a way it always sounded wrong so Seokjin had told him to just drop most of the formalities, they were just two years apart in age.

“I didn’t expect to be here either,” He admitted, he laughed. “I just.. I know you’ve literally done some parts ten times just for me but I was wondering if you could help me with the chorus, I just… My legs can’t do it or something.” It felt a little embarrassing to admit because the rest of them were pretty good at it already. It hadn’t gone effortlessly of course but none of them had needed the help Seokjin required and it felt strange.

“Don’t worry, we’ve still got enough time for you to get it right. Do you know what specifically you can’t do? Like, a specific part of the chorus or do you end up messing up in different places?”

“It differs, everywhere basically.” Y/N nodded and there was no kind of judgement inside of his eyes as he started to go over all the steps again very slowly and patiently, Seokjin followed him.

It took a while and Seokjin knew that Y/N his patience was slowly starting to run thin, he would’ve felt the same, still that didn’t show through very clearly or noticeable as they went through the same few steps and same progression again and again and again until Seokjin was able to do it in his sleep, it took both of them quite a few hours and by the time that Y/N locked the dance studio behind them the sun had already set and a pitch black sky was outside.

“I’m sorry that took so long.” Seokjin said apologetically. He hadn’t intended for it to take that long but the choreography was a lot harder than he had thought it was when he needed to do it, Y/N merely shrugged.

“Don’t worry about it, you all need to look the best you can so if that takes a few hours more of my time than I’m cool with it, really you don’t have to worry about it. I know you’re trying your hardest so then it’s fine with me, at least you’re putting in the effort and trying.” Y/N had become quite irritable as time passed and though it was clear in some of his comments, he remained just as patient with Seokjin as he had been when they first started, it was extraordinary really, Seokjin felt quite charmed if he was being honest. Y/N was an amazing choreographer, an amazing dancer and absolutely one of the best teachers Seokjin had ever had.

-8-

One night of some extra practiced turned into something very close to a ritual, something that had become part of both Seokjin and Y/N their routines. Once the day would’ve ended Seokjin would always seek out Y/N to practice some more dancing, the time they spend varied wildly but generally the minimum was always an hour. Most of the time they were focused on the newer choreographies as Seokjin had never done those before and needed to perfect them in the little time that they had but sometimes they also went over older choreographies they would be performing at shows, Seokjin knew them fully and some he’d be able to do in his sleep but it were the little things, smaller gestures during dancing that often escaped him as he was focused on getting everything right.

Y/N helped him with that, he helped him a lot. They went over all of the choreographies together and immediately Seokjin noticed a difference between them, Y/N had a lot more experience but there were very small things that he added between steps that made everything all the more smooth and it looked a lot more appealing, it looked like a proper performance.

To Y/N the key was always to focus on the performance, focus on it as a whole instead of just the dancing. He told Seokjin to trust himself, he knew the choreography and he was able to do it perfectly, he just needed to trust himself and let go of focusing so much on setting his foot at just the right angle, once he let go of that the whole picture would come back and those small things would become almost like instinct because they felt like the right thing to do.

It took Seokjin a very long time to move from the utter focus on his choreography to taking a step back and focusing on the performing, it was kind of strange that he had managed to get so fixated onto just the dancing, nothing that included the performance itself as a whole, it was strange that he had managed to get so caught up in just one aspect of their entire performance and he understood how important it was for him to take a step back and look at things from just a bigger frame, to see more and to focus less on details.

“Right, you need to take a break now.” Y/N said, It had been around three hours since they started and they were finishing up about now but Seokjin just wanted to finish it up right, he wanted to do it perfectly right but there was something off.

“I can’t get it right, I don’t know what it is.” Seokjin groaned in frustration whilst Y/N forced him to drink some water.

“Just take a second now, okay, take a break,” Y/N said. “If you focus too hard it might not work out.”

Seokjin took a break for a few minutes until he got so restless that he just needed to do something, needed to get back into it. Seokjin did the same steps again and again and at one point Y/N stepped in.

“Right, I think I see what’s wrong,” His voice was calm and steady. “Here, you’re too tense.” Y/N placed a firm hand on Seokjin’s stomach and one at his side, Seokjin tensed a little, it had surprised him, and it felt surprisingly good.

“Just relax your muscles a bit, don’t think too much about it. You’re focusing too much and it’s causing your body to become extremely tense. You should let go of all that tension because it’s putting strain on your body.” Seokjin tried to do as he was told despite that his heart was racing and he was pretty sure it was beating out of his chest right now, still he did his best to relax his muscles a bit more and to let go of all that tension that had apparently been in his muscles, as he did his best to focus on it, Seokjin did feel a bit better though there was probably still a lot of tension left.

“See, that’s better already. That’s probably another note for your performances, don’t tense up, don’t try and force yourself to do anything since all that will happen is that your muscles will tense up and it won’t be any good, it’ll make you look a lot more rigid and awkward.” Seokjin nodded. They ended the practice soon after that and Seokjin headed home with a strange tingling in his chest.

-8-

To say that Y/N got a little touchy after that one time was quite mild, Seokjin didn’t mind it at all though. He was a lot more hands on, literally, as he corrected Seokjin’s posture a lot more and even gave him some small massages after their practice to make sure his muscles would recover well. Seokjin enjoyed every second of it and the two of them very quickly moved from very small suggestive comments to full on flirting with the two of them, Seokjin had to admit that Y/N was a challenge, if there was one thing he didn’t do, it was blush. Not a single slight tinge of pink had ever even come on his cheek in the time they spend together and Seokjin was definitely trying his hardest.

Today was, in a way, the tipping point. Their comeback was starting soon which meant their tour was starting soon. He knew that Y/N wasn’t coming along, they had different people and staff who were going to come along and there were a lot of people who would know the dances but in general the idea was that there wasn’t any need for assistance anymore. Seokjin wouldn’t see Y/N for a few months at least and it was weird, he didn’t like it, he felt a little anxious even when he thought about not seeing Y/N for some time. It had just become part of his routine, he saw Y/N every single day inside the company and he sought him out every day, to suddenly stop that, it made him unsure and anxious.

“Hmm, anything specific you wanted to go over?” Y/N asked. “You guys are leaving tomorrow right? So, I was thinking we could just run down the title track and that should be enough, I can imagine all the stress you’re going to go through in the next few hours.”

“Yeah, yeah that’s good.” Seokjin felt like he was caught up inside of his own head as he spoke, he was far too focused on not seeing Y/N for a while that focusing on his dancing just disappeared somewhere in his mind. It was something that definitely hadn’t gone unnoticed to Y/N who had a slight frown on his face as Seokjin did his dances, it was clear that he wasn’t paying attention, everything he did looked slightly off and it was clear his head wasn’t where it needed to be and Y/N cut him off in the middle of the third song.

“What’s going on with you because if you keep going like this we’d be a lot more effective if we just don’t do anything.” Y/N was always straight forward and blunt, Seokjin had always liked that too. He didn’t allow Seokjin much room to mess around, if he wasn’t putting his all in he’d get called out on his bullshit.

“I.. I’m sorry.” Seokjin didn’t feel a lack of confidence but the radiance he normally felt wasn’t there either, in a way he could say he was a little depressed as the inevitable grew closer, it was now or never. It wasn’t literally now or never, Y/N would still be there when he returned from tour but that would take longer than he wanted which is why it felt like a very strong now or never.

“Just, is there anything going on that I can help with? I get that you’re all stressed about the tour and everything, we- you don’t have to practice today. You’ve worked harder than all of them combined the past months with just dancing, that isn’t even taking into account everything else you do, you deserve a break sometimes hyung.”

Seokjin nodded but it was clear to Y/N that he still wasn’t really present.

“I wanted to say something to you,” Seokjin started. He had a small smile as he spoke. “I really like you Y/N.”

“Okay.”

“As in I’m more than sure that I love you and I’m also a little hurt that you seem resistant to my flirting.”

Y/N laughed. “I was wondering when you were going to say that.”

“So I just confessed my undying love that millions would die for and I get a snarky comment, I’m still older than you.” Seokjin bit back, Y/N rolled his eyes but smiled.

“I love you too and if it helps, I’ve got reservations for two in a restaurant just a block away.”

“You knew this?! I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Some staff said you’d been kind of out of it already the entire day and with all the flirting we’ve done, if this didn’t happen I would’ve just gone with my best friend.” Y/N said simply with a grin on his face.

“I can’t believe you.”

“Love you too.”

[apogrcpha-blog]

reblog this if you’re a fanfic writer & your motivation to write actually increases when readers actually show interest & give you feedback. even just a reblog or a little comment here and there

[apogrcpha-blog]

Navy Shining Gold [ j. hoseok ]

words // 1.2K

pairings // Jung Hoseok x reader

warnings // none

summary // Hoseok has known Y/N for such a long time and wants to than him

Y/N had always known Hoseok and Hoseok had always considered him as his best friend, one of his best friends without a doubt. Y/N was like Hoseok’s rock, always there and always supporting him when he asked for it. They first met when they were kids, both small kids running around, something made them talk to each other, that was all an accident but them sticking together for two decades already definitely wasn’t. It was a friendship Hoseok was forever grateful for because Y/N was so much himself, he was who he was and he was frankly unapologetic about it. It wasn’t like he was rude or things like that, but he was just himself, he was honest, he didn’t let other people affect him too much, influence him too much, not when it was about something irrelevant or purely opinion without any facts, without a right or wrong.

It wasn’t just a friendship, Hoseok had always thought it was more than that. It was more than just hanging out sometimes, Y/N was there when Hoseok talked about how he was becoming a trainee at a very small company, how he was becoming part of a hip-hop group even though both of them knew Hoseok had never rapped a single second in his life. It was the friendship, the support that he had needed. The kind of motivational push that no one else would give him because the future was scary but Y/N believed in him and helped him when he could, it was unlike anything Hoseok had.

Y/N was there when he debuted, was there to cheer them all on when no one else was. He let Hoseok crash whenever it was necessary because the dorm just got too closed in on him and he needed some breathing room, Y/N had even given him a very harsh reminder of how he shouldn’t give up now, he had been working on everything so hard that it was a waste to stop just because he hadn’t been feeling too great for a while. He needed to keep going and looking back, Hoseok was so glad because Y/N was so right.

“Y/N?” Hoseok asked, the phone pressed to his ears. He had a free day, it was rare, he rarely ever got a free day and after touring a lot, working a lot, he knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to spend the day with his best friend and give him something back.

“Hoseok? What’s up?”

“Can I come over?”

“Yeah sure, when are you going to be here?”

“In about an hour, I was thinking we could eat some takeout together.” Hoseok said with a small smile, even though it wasn’t visible.

“That’s fine, that’s perfect actually because I still needed to get groceries and don’t have to now.” Y/N said and Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“Okay, see you then.”

“See you.”

-8-

Y/N got up when he heard the doorbell ring, assuming it was Hoseok because there was no one else who would come around and it was almost an exact hour later since they texted.

“Hobi-“ Y/N suddenly got silent when Hoseok stood before him, he was holding a bouquet of flowers and chocolates. It was really weird, it certainly wasn’t what he had expected which is why he stood there, his mouth slightly opened as he frowned a little. It was a very sweet gesture and Y/N loved chocolate but it just wasn’t what he had expected.

“Y/N, I just wanted to say thank you.” Hoseok said with a radiant smile.

“I-Thank you, why though?” Y/N asked as he took the flowers and chocolates.

After the unexpected intro to their night of hanging out everything else that came after went very normal like it had always gone whenever they were together. They talked, a lot, they talked most of the time and once they were done talking they got to playing games or watching tv shows and a few moments later they’d be talking again because somehow they always found things to talk about, neither of them minded it much though, it was frankly quite nice for both of them.

Hoseok loved it because it was so mundane, it was so normal, he felt like he was just going to enjoy life and he was able to act like he was any other student instead of a member of an idol group, it was a nice change of pace for him. For Y/N it was just the break away from the stress of university that was nice, it made his life a bit more normal, it felt better this way, to spend time with friends instead of stressing over papers, that stress would return a small few hours later but in the end it would’ve been gone for a few hours and that was enough for him. For both of them it was just a break from reality, a break that everyone needed every once in a while.

“So, any more explanation for this than just thank you, it’s a bit vague Hobi.” Y/N said, gesturing towards the flowers which he had put in a vase. They didn’t talk about it up until they had just finished a film and Y/N just felt the continuous urge to ask what exactly it was, what it meant. It was more than just a thank you, it had to. Hoseok said thank you often enough and Y/N never asked him to do much to say thank you, just saying the words were enough, also because Y/N didn’t feel like he was doing much that deserved thanks.

“I. It’s just thank you I guess, I mean it’s not just a thank you out of nowhere. It’s a thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me, I know you like to play it down but you’re the one person who’s always been there beside my parents, you’re the rock I’ve always been able to hold onto and you’ve just always supported me, you were patient with me when I was being an idiot or when I was extremely irritated and I’m just thankful to know you and to be friends with you. To know you and to just be with you, I mean, who knows I might not have even debuted if it wasn’t for you.” Hoseok said and Y/N stared at him for a while, of course it was a major thing but to him it had kind of faded because he preferred to focus on the present, on the now. The now was that Hoseok was part of a successful idol group that was slowly taking over the world and it was amazing to see his friend do what he love and be able to share it with so many people. That one fateful night where Hoseok had been screaming and crying about not really wanting to continue was a major thing, then, now it was just a distant memory from self-doubt, a small moment where Y/N had helped him.

“You, You didn’t need to do this Hoseok-ah, just saying it was enough.” Y/N said with a smile.

“I know, I just needed you to know it like this too, I just wanted to show it, wanted to say it. People might call me a sunshine but you’re my shining star.”

a/n I’ve gotten lazy with formatting but here’s some nice fluff, if you want actual writing updates and stuff, I’ve got ao3 (same user) also, if you’re interested in writing commissions please message me, I could use the money rn

[apogrcpha-blog]

treacherous sunlight [ j. hoseok x p. jimin ]

words // 11.0K+

pairings // jung hoseok x park jimin

warnings // toxic relationships

summary //  There was something so appealing about light, so beautiful, so stunning. Jimin tried to absorb all there was, it left him exposed, naked and scared for his life.

also on a03

Light was such a bright thing, something so extreme that it felt blinding to Jimin. Its radiance brought light on his life and strangely, that wasn’t always the amazing thing it was assumed to be. That light turned the contrast of his life up, the brightness went completely full but somehow it was able to show all those hidden things. Light wasn’t just brightness, radiance and joy, it was also exposure, nakedness and the inability to hide because of the spotlight.

Jimin enjoyed light, though he did so with caution. Able to see all the dangers of light, able to see what it exposed to others, the many things that he wished to keep secret that appeared with this light, the things that stuck out like sore thumbs with this light, he found pleasure in the brightness and joy yet sometimes confessed to the stress he felt that came along with this radiance and exposure.

That light wasn’t always the literal form that Jimin used to assume it was, it weren’t always rays that shone down on him from a glowing orb in the sky, light came from anything or anyone. For Jimin that light had taken the form of something, of someone. It was solid, tall, strong, more radiant than the sun and incredible at dancing, Jung Hoseok.

Meeting him had been an accident, Jimin knew that. Staying with him had been entirely voluntarily and a choice he didn’t regret for a single second. It had been strange to fall so fast and deeply for a stranger but Jimin always related it back to the brightness that Hoseok brought, a smile brighter than the sun and a personality that was more inviting than anyone he had ever met. It was the best accident in his life yet also the worst. Light was treacherous, it exposed many things and left nothing untouched which was a lesson Jimin was only able to learn in hindsight. It was a thing he assumed knowledge about but never actually knew, a thing that could’ve saved him, something that could’ve prevented all that followed but Jimin had been blinded by all that radiant beautiful light.

-8-

“Jimin-hyung, do you want to go? We don’t have to.” Taehyung said but Jimin merely shrugged. He did want to go, he’d love to go honestly but there was something about it, something about the twists that his stomach took that made him unable to even consider going. A snarl in the back of his mind that raised all of these questions, that made him doubt almost his entire existence no matter how bad it sounded.

“We should, I should.”

“We don’t have to.” Taehyung repeated, his voice was patient.

In response Jimin said: “Let’s go.”

Nearly immediately Taehyung his view grew more suspicious as Jimin stood up and pulled his shoes on. His choice was to ignore this suspicion that seemed to haunt him, that loomed as he waited for Taehyung to leave their apartment before he did.

Jimin had never been this anxious about competitions, rarely had those been an issue for him. There used to stand a very bright kid, stars in his eyes and the clouds underneath his feat, he was unbeatable, the human from of confident maybe. That kid hadn’t disappeared, nor had it left, but it had faded, fallen into a big pile of confusion. Somewhere underneath that kid was still there, struggling to get up to the top and shine. There wasn’t much assistance for him, it was all him by himself and there were too many things that overshadowed, too many things that were just more powerful for him to ever reach that top again.

Today was a competition, it was smaller, low-key almost yet the names, the competition. He felt like a pup in a lion den, they all had the same experience yet their styles were widely different, their popularity from unknown to widely known by anyone, it was strange. It wasn’t even a formal competition, merely a fun thing done as fund-raiser between friends, Jimin just couldn’t say no when the idea was brought forward to him. It was impossible for him to do so, refusing was almost a crime in his own twisted strange view. There was no disadvantage, everything would serve to improve a life and it would be a crime to prevent that from happening.

“Are you okay?” Taehyung asked. Jimin didn’t feel as though his feet were actually moving, his body was, but he wasn’t. It was almost like instinct, a force that kept moving him forward instead of his own voluntarily and logical choices. It was strange, his body felt more like a vessel than his when it was always the opposite when he was dancing. Then he was in full control, every muscle of his body popped if he wished it to, every muscle moved if he wanted it to, everything was in perfect harmony, perfect control.

“Perfect.” Jimin mumbled, his voice silent. He was fine though, he was okay, his heart was steady. That was all there was to say though, he was fine. A plain simple uninterested emotion, fine. It felt very wrong to say, but fine was a very strange emotion and state to be in when Jimin considered what it truly was, you were just okay. Nothing else, life wasn’t good nor was it bad, it was just life. He went along with it, almost a passive observer opposed to an active participant, it was strange, but it almost felt natural as he moved through life.

“Hmm.” Taehyung was skeptical, the tone was one that Jimin noticed within milliseconds. A hint of skepticism hidden behind small smiles in an attempt to reassure him, okay, that was what it was supposed to give off but when you know someone as long as Jimin knew Taehyung the lie fell through in seconds.

The building was more like a house, it was a dance studio though. Jimin had been there before, pale cream walls with a darker wooden floor to contrast. Mirrors lined the walls and made escaping himself impossible, Jimin liked the transparency though, about to see himself from every angle was a strange thing but it held some beauty, to see him from all angles, to see him as who he appeared to be, who he was on the outside.

It was strange, the walls were emotionless yet they evoked something in him, an emotion that couldn’t be told in words because there were no words to describe it. The feeling was more a conflict between various things that it made him unable to explain. His mind wanted to make sense of it with words but it was impossible to do so.

Though the people inside provoked some anxiety, Jimin felt fearless as he faced the set of doors. Go inside and do what he was best at, be who he was and be good at it. That was it, and strangely, he felt confident about it.

-8-

“Jiminie, you’ve been staring out the window all day now.” Hoseok commented as the door behind him shut. Melancholy, it was a common occurrence in Jimin’s life. It had always been, nostalgia too. Both of them intertwined and took their course, did a slow dance together and played around inside Jimin’s brain, almost a tease to see his response. His mind was irrational, it had always been but despite that irrationality he felt like melancholy was rational. For him it felt rational, despite the irrational nature.

Melancholy was almost second nature, it was something like a state he fell into every once in a while because he could and because he just did, his mind wandered and it fell down the rabbit hole. It wasn’t hard to escape but strangely, most of the time Jimin didn’t even want to escape it.

“Hmm, I know,” His voice was somewhat quiet, it felt small, it was vulnerable. Despite that they had known each other for just four weeks Jimin found himself instantly attracted to the elder, his dancing was fierce, loose and strong. The perfect combination of rhythm and tricks, his steps were flawless and his face had a constant smile. “It’s just, the rain.”

He didn’t view melancholy as a bad thing, despite the state of sadness he was in. Jimin saw it not as a good thing but just as part of his life, there were triggers for it, nostalgia being the biggest one. There was this yearning that usually came along with it, that yearning for something that once was or once could’ve been, it was always vague, undefined enough for there to be now downsides added to it and for Jimin to want it even more. The whole process was often ridiculed by others, who was fine with being sad? Who considered it as just part of life, most of them didn’t realise they had the same perspective, it was just phrased differently with them. They accepted the ups and downs, but accepting sadness as part of life just sounded different, sounded like something people were going to and should rebel against, even if it was the same as what they accepted.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok was still somewhat unfamiliar with Jimin, the two hung out as much as they could to the point Taehyung had called claimed they were basically dating as they saw each other more often than an average couple did. Jimin never said anything about the claims, just shrugged as he left for Hoseok’s apartment. He considered it, but realized things would’ve been different were it not for the fact that Taehyung was in a relationship so he was missing Jimin, but not as extensively had he been single.

Jimin had been like this before just never to this extent, there was something about the rain that poured and the nostalgia that came along with it. Watching empty streets with rain falling, umbrellas opening and disappearing within seconds because people were eager to get out of this weather. The memories of running out and being soaked to the bone with a smile on his face because it was fun, it just made him melancholic, more so than he had been before in Hoseok’s presence.

“Of course,” Jimin smiled. “I’m just thinking, I know I end up looking as though I’m depressed. Tae pointed that out to me often enough.” Taehyung had done that more often, though it faded over time as he got used to Jimin and Jimin got used to Taehyung’s various antics and habits, it was perfect for the both of them. They were good friends and close but Jungkook still lived with his parents and Taehyung really wanted to live with Jimin, of course Jimin was aware there would probably come a time where Jungkook wanted to move out and really live with his boyfriend, still he didn’t feel too worried about it. He had been around the two of them long enough to not really mind anymore, it definitely helped that Taehyung made a very big mental effort to always include Jimin when it was the three of them. “We should go out.” He suggested.

Hoseok frowned. “Now? It’s pouring.”

“Yeah,” There was this almost child-like smile on Jimin’s face. There was something so childish and loveable about going out, getting soaked and after cleaning up with some warm blankets, films and popcorn. It was something he used to do with his friends when they were younger, it didn’t happen often but the few times it did were imprinted on his memory and he knew he’d never forget them. “And after we clean up, build a blanket fort, watch some films with popcorn.”

“Nostalgia?”

Jimin smiled sheepishly.

Hoseok grinned.

That’s how they ended up next to each other, cuddling, on the couch a small fifteen minutes later. Their hair was still dripping some small droplets but they were wrapped in a tight nestle of blankets along with some food spread out across the small table. It was lovely, it was even better than Jimin had envisioned because he never thought that Hoseok would go this far, would cuddle with him or anything alike it. But he had done that and Jimin enjoyed snuggling close, a distinct smell of his strong perfume filled his nostrils.

Melancholy was replaced with a pure form of happiness, as pure as Jimin thought happiness could be. It was the happiness that he wasn’t necessarily aware of but just felt, he was happy, he loved his life and wasn’t thinking of anything else, simple as that. It was the happiness he’d think about later because he was so absorbed in the moment that there was nothing that could break the trance of happiness he was in.

Happiness was strangely akin to melancholy for him, despite that they were opposites. Happiness was happy, obviously, but often the reminiscing of happiness brought sadness, memories that had passed and you could never return to. Melancholy was unexplained sadness, for Jimin it was brought on by nostalgia which ended up making him happy despite the inexplainable sadness that had suddenly come. They were intertwined for him.

-8-

Jimin played with his fingers as he waited behind the table. His eyes perked up every few seconds whenever the auditory stimulus of the door came to him, most of the time his eyes went down again too after seeing it was a stranger. The drink before him was getting cold already, then again Jimin had come extremely early and the time at which they were supposed to meet was just two minutes ago compared to the ten he’s already been here.

A day after the competition Jimin had gotten a call from Hoseok, suggesting they meet up when both of them were free. It was a very nice idea, Jimin liked Hoseok, though it wasn’t clear in which way he liked the older dancer. He was energetic, smiling and powerful both as a person and dancer. All things that Jimin admired and wanted to acquire himself, with some he had found more success than with others. Nonetheless Jimin was left stunned but was also very quickly to respond, of course he wanted to take this opportunity, he wanted to be friends with Hoseok and assumed that sentiment was shared, otherwise he wouldn’t initiate the meeting.

Jimin didn’t actually feel anxious, usually he was more on the anxious side whenever he was waiting for someone because he was unsure they would come. Somehow he felt convinced that Hoseok would, no matter what would happen. That idea came true within less than a minute, the bell rang, the door opened and a gust of wind went past Jimin, his eyes looked up, Hoseok.

The vibrant red hair stuck out like a sore thumb, it was hidden by a cap during the competition but it was on full display now. He wore casual clothes, nothing special but he did look stylish. Jimin gave him a little wave, though it seemed that Hoseok had spotted Jimin before Jimin had seen him. The older went on to order a drink which he received in a short few minutes and after he took a seat opposite of Jimin.

“I hope I’m not too late, the lessons were taking longer than expected, they really needed it.” Hoseok said, a smile wide and clear.

Jimin shrugged. “Just a little but it’s okay.”

Lessons were the lessons Hoseok taught, Jimin had discovered that when he decided to look him up online. It were lessons for everyone and anyone, anyone who wanted to learn from people who had never danced in their life or people who had done so professionally for ten years but wanted to venture into a different genre of dance, something more loose, something with precise timing and something where rhythm was of utmost importance. He did that with some other dancers, Jimin didn’t know them but he recognized their names.

Their conversation started of very easy, it went quick and it was good. It was time spend well, time spend that both of them enjoyed because the conversation came naturally to them, it was light hearted and whatever silences fell were never awkward, they felt comforting almost. Knowing that a silence wasn’t able to hurt them, make the situation awkward or anything like that. It was something very comforting, Jimin enjoyed talking but he didn’t always feel like talking as much, sometimes he was able to fall into his own mind and he appreciated someone who let him do so, who let him wander the depths of his own mind without forcing a return to the current world.

Time flew by, it didn’t even feel like a second had passed but both were acutely aware of how they were on their third drink and the small café was about to close as all the customers had disappeared over time, leaving just the two. The old lady hadn’t mentioned closing time yet but Jimin had been here before, it wasn’t something grand and big like a Starbucks, it was just a small family-owned café which didn’t have minimum wage workers who still worked at 2 am, she probably had a family whom she wanted to see and so the two decided to leave just before the clock turned seven. Saying a polite goodbye along with expressing their thanks for having allowed them in the store as long as they had been in there, it was a bit unreasonable, they had been talking for hours already and the conversation had never turned stale.

“Hmm, I can’t believe she let us stay as long as she did.” Jimin said, he was heading back to his apartment and Hoseok to his bus stop, it was a small three minutes before Jimin arrived at his apartment. He had to admit he was very happy to even spend these small twenty minutes with Hoseok, any time was time extra that he enjoyed.

“I know, I think she was just being nice.”

“Probably.” The two laughed.

Hoseok made this all a lot easier, Jimin knew it wasn’t just him. Hoseok was charming, he was well-mannered and easy with his words. He knew what to say and when to say it, he always had a smile on his face even when the situation was more appropriate for a frown, it was like he was talking to the sun. Unwavering optimism and wise words, like the distant stars he dreamt of. Untouchable, something above any standard that he could ever imagine or hold, it was extraordinary and Jimin was afraid he was making a fuss out of it, but it was a genuine comparison which he decided not to say aloud. It didn’t remove the truth from it though, Hoseok was beautiful and all Jimin could ever wish for.

“I don’t think this could’ve gone any better,” Hoseok said, a small smile played on his lips and Jimin listened closely. “I mean, let’s just say usually when I first meet people it doesn’t always go this well.”

“Really? You seem very naturally appealing.” Jimin wasn’t sure if he phrased it correctly, but it was the best thing he could say or give as comparison.

Hoseok laughed. “Hmm, some people think I have too much energy.”

Jimin chuckled. “You have a lot of energy, I don’t think it’s a negative though.”

“Good,” Hoseok said. “I’m happy you didn’t get sick of it. Some people really don’t like the combination of me and caffeinated drinks, it becomes a little too much for them sometimes, though it’s better than someone very low energy, in my opinion.”

It was a thing Jimin had never even considered, Hoseok was fine in his opinion. He had never considered that Hoseok was that energetic, maybe it was just that Jimin was good at dealing with it, Taehyung could be extremely energetic sometimes so it wasn’t too strange for him to accustom to people with a high energy spike. It wasn’t too bad for him, maybe other people thought of it as a bit more extreme but Jimin had never seen it like that.

“I think I’m used to it, I mean Taehyung isn’t that extreme all the time but he can be sometimes.” Jimin said with a simple shrug, Hoseok gave a nod and they continued walking onwards. The walking passed far too quickly, the weather was nice, despite that it was later in the day the sun still shone bright. It made Jimin feel better, weather had a strange and heavy impact on his mood but it was always able to set the mood for him, which is why his favourite season was spring. To see everything be reborn and bloom again, it was amazing, it lifted his spirits in a way no other season could.

The bus stop came eventually and despite that they had said quick goodbyes and continued texting the second they were out of speaking distance, Jimin still felt the saying that distance made the heart grow fonder. This had never happened to him before, he had never been this attracted to someone, especially not someone whom he hadn’t known for a long time.

He kept walking, smiling as his eyes were mostly on his phone. The conversation between the two of the was silly, just as simple as the past conversations had been but it was so different if he stared at the screen, there was a certain distance because they really weren’t together right now and Jimin missed him, even if it sounded stupid and strange. He really missed Jung Hoseok.

-8-

Everything inside Jimin just felt stiff, his entire muscles were tight and it felt like his body refused to move as he did his stretching routine to make himself more loose. Everyone around him was doing the same, despite that this wasn’t something serious, wasn’t anything they did for a price, everyone seemed dead set on winning this, maybe it was because there was nothing to loose that everyone wanted to give their all. That way, most people would be inclined to donate and most would go the charity, at least that is what Jimin assumed.

His back cracked as he continued, it was a sound that used to make him shiver but something he had grown accustomed to, part of him saw it as a confirmation, something he longed to hear. It was a confirmation that he was getting a bit more loose, despite the negatives that were usually attached to cracking knuckles, backs and what not, he didn’t really think about it too much. It was a sign that he had been somewhat stiff and his stretching was working, that was enough.

Taehyung had found himself a nice second-row spot in the crowd, it was getting fuller and fuller every time Jimin decided to peek from behind the curtain, how many people were coming? He didn’t have a single idea as to the sheer number but some of the people that were preparing were ones that he admired and would love to see, people well-known for their dancing, extremely popular, Jimin wouldn’t be surprised if all the seats in the room would be taken and more would just keep pouring in. The fee was a mandatory five thousand won, it wasn’t anything bad considering some of the dancers here did concerts that costed a lot more, putting it in a very mild way.

“There are a lot of people, don’t you think?” Jimin stopped and stood up straight, staring to his left to see who had just talked to him. His mind took arguably too long to recognize the situation which left him staring.

“Hmm. More than I thought, that’s for certain.” Jimin replied. This stranger stood taller than him, most people he knew sadly did, he wore a bright red cap accompanied with a sleek black outfit. Despite that it was well-fitted it still looked quite casual, this stranger had a smile on his face as Jimin responded, one like Jimin had never seen before. Claiming it was radiant would be putting it to shame, comparing it to the radiance of the sun was closer but still not quite there.

“Definitely. I’m Hoseok, though J-Hope is how most people know me.” J-Hope, it suited him extremely well. Radiance and hope, the combination was perfect. Jimin was convinced he had seen that name before, though where was a complete mystery to him as of now and he wasn’t convinced he’d ever discover from where he had recognized that name.

“Jimin, both my name and stage name.” Stage name? Jimin had never even really used that word before, he had never even thought of changing his name for when he participated in events or competitions, though something like J-Hope or anything that wasn’t his name would’ve been a lot flashier and easier to recognize, there were thousands of Jimins, only one J-Hope. Even though Jimin had never thought about going to competitive extremes with his dance, it would’ve been able to set him apart a lot better now that he thought about it in hindsight.

“I think I’ve seen you before, on youtube.” Jimin’s old teacher and friends had been very adamant about sharing his dancing online, they considered it a shame to keep it to a small community of the people he knew and the few judges who saw him perform. Jimin had never really considered dancing professionally, still didn’t, so he had never thought about pursuing it but he wouldn’t work against them either, in the end he had a steady social media following and made an effort to post a cover every once in a while but it wasn’t really something he put much time or effort in. Dancing was his art, he liked to practice it but professionally was something different, yet it was far past a hobby, it fell into a vague area Jimin hadn’t even figured out himself. Nonetheless he was surprised every time someone mentioned they had seen him before.

“I’m not really that special.” Jimin said with a shrug, it wasn’t meant as a comment to bring himself down, he almost reveled in his ordinariness. His life was simple that way, it was just the life of another college student working on his degree, he’d go on to have a job, a house and maybe a family eventually. Jimin didn’t need something extraordinary in his life to happen, he found beauty in happiness in the small things, whenever he got the choreography right to his favorite song, whenever he worked hours on choreographies and they fit the songs perfectly, when he put some extra effort in his work and someone noticed it. Small compliments, watching the seasons change, birds, all those small things that were part of life were the things that made ordinary life for Jimin something he almost strove for to actively achieve. He would be happy living a normal life with close friends, he didn’t need some kind of fame or stardom to achieve that happiness. So long as he was with good health and friends, he would be happy.

“I’d argue that, you move in a very graceful way, like a ballet dancer, like you’re a fluid, water being shaped by waves instead of a solid object who has to deal with gravity.” The compliment was strange but something that was thought out and it made Jimin blush.

“You could say that.” It was contemporary, it was all that Jimin had known and been taught, he had gotten accustomed to moving his body in a certain way and holding an extreme control over certain muscles that were necessary to move his body the way he wanted and needed it to. To him it had just been something he had grown into, like a teenager grows into a lanky body, to him it was part of life like his leg was, nothing special. “Though I’ve always liked hip-hop too.”

The latter had been something Jimin practiced for fun, it was something he did whenever he made some time to freestyle, it was easier, to come up with on your feet, and it made him feel more, he felt more powerful when he danced like that but he lacked moves.

“You’re in luck then, three-quarters of the dancers here do hip-hop.” Hoseok said, Jimin gave a nod. It was true, that’s why he knew some of them, he watched them every once in a while online, both to improve his own skill but also just as a fun way to pass the time because he always enjoyed watching people dance, seeing the energy some people put into it and how they expressed themselves through the movement of their body. It was a sight to behold, you could see that an artist put work into their art but it wasn’t like dancing, you could see it there and then that the dancer poured his heart and soul into the dance he was performing. The same went with music, it was more clear and it was able to be seen by everyone whereas with painting or drawing it were usually the finer things. “Including me.”

That’s when it clicked, Jimin had probably seen him on the internet, probably meant 100% certainty because he had no idea were he might’ve seen or heard of him otherwise.

“Ah, I’m curious to see you perform.” Jimin said with a small smile, Hoseok’s smile had never even wavered.

“I think you’re up before me though.” Jimin was, he was third out of the dozen and a half of dancers.

Time passed, Hoseok went back to his stretching routine and so did Jimin. Eventually the show began, it didn’t take long before he had to go up and Hoseok gave him an encouraging smile and a thumbs up. It made him warm as he took the empty stage. Before him the gymnasium was stacked to the brim, people standing wherever they could, despite the crowd it took him less than a millisecond to see Taehyung radiant smile.

Once he was announced Jimin started, his performance was a little shorter though he had made it so he would push his body to the extent that it could be pushed. It was an exhausting routine but Jimin considered it worth it, especially because it made up for the short length. The song was one of his favourite hip-hop songs, he chose it on purpose to contrast his more fluid dancing, the contrast was interesting and it created more spectacle, people were more captivated because it wasn’t what they expected. Their expectation was a popping routine or a classical song, and to break that expectation created more intrigue and made people watch, made their minds fully absorbed into whatever they watched because it wasn’t what their expectations assumed. It worked to Jimin’s advantage, a short but powerful performance that fully captivated the audience was as effective as one of five minutes. It was arguably a lot more powerful than a long routine where attention faded.

By the end of it the applause blinded him, he smiled and after a bow left the stage. All the muscles in his body were aching, his body dripped in sweat but that rush, that smile on his face and the enjoyment of everyone here made it worth it. Jimin wondered who would win as he received compliments backstage, before the performance started he discovered the winner would be determined by a vote, two thousand won per vote, it was effective since you could vote as many times as you wanted, the winner would perform a second time. Jimin considered it a genuinely good idea, the entrance fee wasn’t much nor was the voting, but because of that people were more inclined to do so and the sheer amount of people meant a lot of money regardless.

“You really surprised everyone.” Hoseok said, he was up in around fifteen minutes or so, so he still had some time before he went to practice his steps a last time.

“Hmm, I just wanted to do something different, I’ve always disliked classical music with my dancing.” Jimin didn’t hate it, especially not because it was the most common thing to accompany contemporary, he just preferred almost every other type of music to it, even when it didn’t fit his dancing as well initially.

“You’ve definitely done that, you might just win this.”

Jimin shook his head with an amused smile. “I don’t think so, but we’ll see.”

Hoseok’s performance was energetic and everything that he radiated. It was a strong performance, a clear choreography with very complex footwork that had surprised Jimin. Despite the clear choreography there was a part of improvisation, it wasn’t quite as complex but it was still as appealing, especially noticing the popping and control he had over the various muscles he popped, it was very satisfying for Jimin to watch and he found himself mesmerized, Hoseok was enjoying himself so much as though he wasn’t fully focused on his performance but it was clear he was, still that smile never wavered into anything less of a pure smile, when most would frown as they focused on a hard part with him the smile merely seemed to increase as he kept going, pushing his body further and harder.

When he returned he reeked of sweat and it was just as clear, Jimin had a wide smile.

“That was amazing.”

Hoseok let out a small chuckle, a light blush on his face as he nodded. “Thank you.”

“Really, you said I was amazing but you should’ve seen yourself.”

The conversation continued like that for a while, not just a while it continued up until everyone had finished their performance and they started tallying the votes. Everyone got together then, waiting with the same anticipation as the audience held. It took a while, a lot of people had voted which meant a lot of money was going to be donated which made Jimin smile, it was clear that they had gone past the expectations and that was anything but a bad thing in this situation. It was refreshing to see people do good, to see people donate to charity in massive amounts even if it was just to make their favourite dancer win and perform again. It was still money that was going to charities which would need it.

He stared at the board, they didn’t expect that much to come out of this which is why they had opted to keep it a bit simple, a whiteboard with tally marks. Soon the marks started to get ridiculous and Jimin took notice that he was in front of the second with around ten votes or so, it fluctuated every time but he had somewhat of a solid lead, Winning had never been part of this, especially when Jimin saw some dancer outperform him by a mile yet they were behind, maybe it was all about attention. He stood out against the twelve hip-hop performers despite his hip-hop song, nonetheless a victory he hadn’t anticipated felt sweet and well-earned.

Winner: Jimin.

It tasted like a sweet reward after hours of work, it felt deserved and Jimin was happy by the recognition as a round of applause went around the room.

“Well done,” Hoseok said, Jimin noticed he had come in second, their difference was thirteen votes. “I told you, you’re something different.”

Jimin just gave a nod as he was ushered on to perform his routine again, the energy was different this time. Before it was intrigue that was peaked and a kind of tense silence as people poured their attention into him, now it was more casual though no one appeared less interested. As he performed and finished with a deep bow he felt a pair of eyes staring at him menacingly.

-8-

Jimin had buried himself in his course work. He had to, whether he liked to or not it was mandatory since his ideal situation did mean he would pass these classes and advance to the next year. That wasn’t his ideal situation, it was his situation and he needed to make it come true no matter how many hours he had to sacrifice to get it done, he would because he had an obligation to himself and his parents, one he didn’t want to break.

Hoseok didn’t appreciate this very much, something Jimin was sympathetic for. Although his absence wasn’t physical, Jimin had experienced the same when he used to live with Taehyung. Weekends where he would go to Jungkook and stay with him in Busan, it wasn’t hard to be alone, it was strange to adjust to the absence of someone whom you had gotten used to being around, who used to be there every second but was now away and it left a gaping hole that was hard to ignore.

His attention was wavering as he thought about Hoseok, it had been what? Six months since they first met, four months since they started dating and two since they moved in together. It was strange, to think that amount of time had passed and they were close together, it still felt like they were strangers, exploring each other’s body and mind, Jimin didn’t consider it a bad thing. It wasn’t as though if he knew Hoseok well he would lose interest, but it kept intrigue going and he liked not knowing every nook and cranny of someone, it was interesting to explore someone new, someone whom he loved.

His hands ached as he kept typing, he was sick of it, he was done with everything surrounding him but he couldn’t stop, he hated it, but he just couldn’t. Jimin would not allow himself to stop because this had to be finished and he wanted to do it now.

“Jimin, I’m back.” Hoseok’s voice echoed through the empty apartment.

“Hmm, I’m still working,” Jimin shouted back, just to be sure that Hoseok was able to hear it. “A few more hours and I’ll be released from this hell.”

Footsteps grew closer and the echo grew louder, a few seconds later Hoseok stood in the entryway of his door. Despite that they lived together, since they had three rooms they both had their own rooms. One they used to sleep in and the other two were personal rooms, Jimin’s was big enough for him to practice some dancing for fun but it was mostly for his schoolwork with a desk and all his papers there. Hoseok’s room was closer to a gym, he had already finished his degree and already had a job so he kept some home equipment there to stay in shape, though Jimin hadn’t been in there a lot.

“A few hours is a few hours too long.” Hoseok whined, pouting. Jimin shrugged, though he didn’t like it either, he didn’t really feel sympathetic for Hoseok as of now, he was the one doing all the labour that made him actively crave death, Hoseok just needed to live a small few hours without Jimin’s attention, he had done that more than twenty years of his life already.

Immediately he turned back to his work, Jimin did his best to ignore the urge to just stop and start cuddling with Hoseok or just do anything with Hoseok instead of working. As Jimin did his best to continue Hoseok just stood there for a while, staring at him. He wondered if it was judging or not, it was a stare that made Jimin very uncomfortable especially because he needed to focus right now, focus a lot if he wanted to get it done in a reasonable amount of time.

Hoseok left with a huff which made Jimin breath out in relief, he felt a lot better with Hoseok gone. Though he loved him dearly, sure the love came rather quick but it was unlike Jimin had felt before and it was genuine, Hoseok knew oddly well how to make him uncomfortable, though part of it was likely because he had work he needed to finish, he wasn’t just idly sitting around.

As Jimin continued hoseok kept returning to his mind, to the front of his mind actually, up until the point where he couldn’t focus on what he was doing. He decided to dismiss half of it to exhaustion, he had been working for quite some time already and could just be getting tired. Yet he knew he wasn’t, Jimin felt focused because of the caffeine that started to kick in and work inside of his blood but he just couldn’t focus on the right thing, he couldn’t focus on his words because Hoseok kept resurfacing inside his mind, he could’ve taken a break for half an hour to spend it with Hoseok but he didn’t, even though Hoseok had done that many times when Jimin wanted it too.

Jimin fumbled with his hands and in the end got up, he needed to be somewhere, anywhere but here. He wanted to push through, to keep working and to just finish it but Jimin knew it was bad for him, knew he was pushing himself past a healthy point. He could cuddle with Hoseok, but Jimin didn’t really want to, he actually felt quite suffocated by the mere thought of remaining. Was that bad?

The answer seemed clear to him but at the same time wasn’t, it felt clear that the answer was that it was bad, loving someone meant being together, it meant taking care of one another but in relationships before this one Jimin had felt suffocated by his partner too. Spending too much time together, being too close, within a few days he was able to feel as though he was drowning in a friend’s presence, it was something that happened at a rapid pace with Jimin. Though he genuinely loved his friends and the people with whom he had a relationship, that drowning was very quick to come to him, to hold him in its tight grip and never let go.

Leaving felt impolite, rude and just inappropriate but Jimin found himself at a loss for words to explain what he felt, to explain that tightness in his chest as he even thought about it. Jimin just couldn’t do that, in the end he locked himself inside of his room. Closed his laptop and sat down on the couch that they had put in the room, it was for when Jimin felt particularly lazy and didn’t even want to bother sitting to work, he was grateful for it now as lying on it meant there was no reason to stare at his laptop, to be reminded of what he ought to do. For once he felt genuine regret, separate bed rooms wouldn’t have been the worst, he would’ve had a space to retreat to but Jimin had fallen into what he’d call a romantic spiral, it went too fast and now he was suffocating.

Jimin needed to breathe.

-8-

Parties had never been the preferred setting for Jimin, though he considered him somewhat of a social butterfly when he felt like it, today wasn’t one of those days. Jimin was exhausted, even though they were just one month into the new year he was already filled with stress, his entire body was tense as he maneuvered around. He was glad that the party wasn’t too extreme, some people in his year and some older people, Hoseok had gotten invited and Jimin had decided to go along with him.

Despite the less crowded party he found it easy to avoid those who wanted to initiate any kind of conversation, he darted past them, the bathroom was always a good excuse and looking for his boyfriend worked even better than that. Most people didn’t really know him well so they were quick to assume he might be a little insecure, tired, or really just looking for his boyfriend which made Jimin able to escape whomever wanted to try to talk to him, it was really effective.

Searching for Hoseok, Jimin had never really considered doing that in all honesty. Hoseok seemed quite suited for this situation and had found some friends pretty quickly, he seemed a lot more at ease here than he had been the past days, it was nice to see the change. Both of them tense made both ready to gauge each other’s eyes out even if Jimin would never be physically capable of doing that, it was about the idea. Considering how done they were with each other as of now.

For a moment Jimin stopped his delicate movements, they were almost akin to a dance now, a delicate dance to avoid everyone surrounding him. The dance was complex but a few sweet smiles were able to wave the audience, the comparison was a strange one but it was the best that Jimin could come up with.

Respite was found on the balcony, it was chilly outside but Jimin only wore a thin short-sleeved shirt so it didn’t require much to make him shiver a little. The city around him felt so alive yet silent, the bright lights were able to blind him but there were rarely any sounds, a few cars and that was all, sounds relegated to the background which left him with a deafening silence, the two contrasted each other so heavily and soon he found the music from the party drowning from his ears too. For a second there was this perfect silence as a contrast against the life that surrounded him, for a single second.

“Hey.” It was someone who Jimin didn’t know, not much of a surprise really. The stranger had a smile on his face, his clothes were all very casual and he didn’t walk around with a drink in his hand though Jimin did spot a rather big lump in one of his front pockets, cigarettes. Unless this stranger had a literal brick for a phone it would be cigarette, Jimin felt disgusted at the mere sight.

“Hi.” His voice was timid, small and it seemed to reflect how he felt. He felt calm, but nonetheless small, in more than a literal physical sense.

“I’ve seen you evade everyone,” He chuckled, Jimin was almost sure he could smell smoke, it was something he preferred not to smell. His nose was a little sensitive to things he disliked. Still, he tried to keep his expression somewhat neutral, a polite smile was in place but the longer they were in each other’s presence the harder it got as Jimin’s nose wanted to scream. “Particular reason for that?”

Jimin shrugged, he took a step back and tried to suck in some air. “Not really, parties just aren’t really my thing honestly.”

“Well, I can get that. They’re not really my thing either.” The stranger replied, the smile on his lips grew a little whilst Jimin just stared and waited. “I’m Won-jae. Nice to meet you.”

“Jimin. Nice to meet you too.” His reply was short, though not directly annoyed, there was a good hint of it. Of course, he hardly put blame on Won-jae, Jimin merely didn’t really want to talk to anyone as of now, especially not a smoker. Just because of the smell, it made Jimin’s nose weep.

There was a silence for a while, after a few seconds Won-jae started to speak to Jimin and even though his responses were half-hearted and uninterested won-jae kept talking, after a while Jimin started to join in on the conversation because beside the smoking, won-jae was a pretty good person. He was nice enough, talked about his family and his dreams, it made Jimin relax and he realized that he definitely hadn’t struck up a conversation with the worst person that was present in the party.

“So-” Won-jae stopped as he was interrupted.

“Jimin-ah.” Hoseok said, there was a smile on his face which made Jimin strangely uneasy. There was something sinister about it, something that was just plain wrong about it. Jimin gave a small nod with an even smaller smile on his face, he didin’t really know what else to do as he felt really uncomfortable for some reason, maybe it was just him being stupid but. “How’ve you been, I know you don’t like parties too much.”

A few seconds later Hoseok had a tight arm wrapped around his waist, he squeezed too tight. Jimin felt like his air was squeezed out of his lungs by that arm. “I’m okay, thanks for asking though.” Hoseok gave another tight squeeze and a smile, it didn’t feel as uncomfortable as before, weren’t it for the fact that Jimin felt as though he was suffocating. Beside that, he was okay, he considered himself okay and if he believed in it, he would convince his mind of that fact soon enough.

The rest of the party Hoseok stayed uncomfortably close, there was a fine line between watching his boyfriend and stalking him. Jimin had done those things before too, watching just because he felt a little insecure and wanted to be sure that no awkward advances were made on someone but this went a little far, this was too close for Jimin, this was too restrictive. All air escaped his lungs the longer he stayed with Hoseok, this wasn’t good. He knew it, but he didn’t know what to do.

Jimin needed to escape, but to escape meant to leave his air behind.

-8-

“Hyung?” Jimin stopped. He was panting, he had been doing some freestyle inside of his own room. It wasn’t the ideal situation, despite that they shared the apartment, so the rent was split, it still wasn’t too big because they didn’t want to live an hour away from university which meant being in the middle of the city which was the most expensive obviously.

“Yes Tae?” He asked, turning the music off.

“How are things between you and Hoseok?” Taehyung asked with a small grin and Jimin felt a blush on his cheek. After their first meet up they couldn’t stop talking to each other and Taehyung was rather observant when it came to these things. Which was why attempting to hide it had never been on Jimin’s agenda, Taehyung would discover it eventually, through whatever means there were. Whether that was noticing the change in Jimin’s behavior or just reading through his texts, sometimes he was far more clever and other times he preferred practicality.

“Good, we’re good.” Jimin’s reply was short, Taehyung was probably dying for some more juicy details though Jimin wanted to avoid that. He considered stopping the conversation now, as he wasn’t sure he would make it through the conversation that Taehyung wanted without melting into the ground out of embarrassment.

Taehyung rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Good, that’s really deep hyung. Just good. You haven’t been able to talk to me without looking at your phone.” Taehyung said, Jimin felt blood rush to his cheeks and part of him almost wished he would pass out right now, there were no excuses to pull him away from this conversation. It wasn’t anxiety, wasn’t worry, he just didn’t want to talk about it with Taehyung, he preferred to keep these things to himself

“Things are just good, we’re close.” Jimin said, again deflecting as best as he could. It was a very unrealistic thing to ask of Taehyung, to keep himself out of this. Jimin knew it was a genuine interest though, it was genuine and there was nothing bad or forceful about it, Taehyung cared about him deeply and wanted to get to know the people Jimin knew, he was always looking out for him even if Jimin was older, though it was a mutual thing between them.

“So, have you kissed?”

Jimin blushed. “Yes.”

Hoseok had been quite quick with a peck on the cheek and a week later he got kissed, it had stunned Jimin at first but he went with it and it had proven to be something utterly amazing that made him smile so wide that he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to stop smiling anymore. The kiss was innocent, soft and sweet, it was newly found love, fresh and flourishing, it was all that Jimin could ask for.

“Good, sex?”

Jimin became the human embodiment of a tomato. “No.”

Hoseok wanted it, Jimin wanted it but Jimin wanted to take a while longer. He was able to resist his urges and it was because he wanted this to be a relationship where he felt confident, where he was assured sex wasn’t the main factor. Though Jimin enjoyed one-night stands and sex in general, his relationships were things that he didn’t want to solely focus around sex.

Taehyung smiled. “Ah, okay. Thanks for clarifying.”

“That’s it?” Jimin was surprised that there wasn’t any more prying.

“Of course, it’s your life, your relationship. He sounds like a good guy Hoseok, I trust him. For the most part.” Jimin smiled as Taehyung went back to his own stuff. Hoseok was a good guy.

-8-

“Jimin-ah, where did you leave the box with my DVDs?” Hoseok shouted from across the apartment. Jimin got up from his own floor, going through the parkour course that had become his private room in an attempt to reach the living room where Hoseok was. Jimin didn’t even have that much stuff, but they did get some new furniture so there were a small fifteen boxes maybe, mostly because the boxes that meant to go into their joint room weren’t there. Both of them came to the conclusion they should keep their stuff in their own rooms, since neither of them was excited to sleep in a room surrounded by boxes. Facing at all they still had to do, even thinking about how much unpacking that was left made both of them exhausted.

“I don’t think I’ve seen it anywhere, Hoseok. Maybe it’s in your room? Did you label it?” Jimin responded, Hoseok was setting up some furniture piece. The couch was already inside and their dining table was set up too, there wasn’t much important left beside the dresser and some smaller pieces.

“I already checked my room,” Hoseok said, there was a smile on his face but Jimin noticed he was a little tired by constantly tinkering with furniture,

-8-

Possessive. Disturbed. Insane. Three adjectives to describe Jung Hoseok, Jimin felt terrified as the thought crossed his mind but he was left without any other explanation for this. What was there to say? Nothing, this was it. Hoseok was all shades of grey yet strangely dark, everything that was once rainbows had turned desaturated until only black and white was left in Jimin’s world, everything was stale, everything was haunted by the dark or overexposed by the light, there was no middle ground for him to walk. He had to jump, an abyss ahead at his feat and an equally terrifying blinding light mere meters behind him.

Things had escalated, possessive was the first thing Jimin picked up on, that uneasiness he felt whenever he was alone with Hoseok when he should feel at ease and comfort instead, all of it were small signs of how he was feeling, how he really felt and it took Jimin a far too great amount of time to realize just how bad those feelings were, just how horridly toxic they were and how afraid he should be for himself.

It didn’t take long for Jimin to become dependent on the poison that Hoseok provided, it had become his lifeline and the more he took the more he required, the more he wanted and the more he craved. It became elongated exposure to Hoseok, a twisted side took center stage, one that was disturbed and could be called borderline insane and Jimin just kept drinking, every sip as sweet as the last and they grew sweeter, killing him from inside.

There was a heavy contrast to the sunshine that was Hoseok, there was a darker side, one that was disturbed, possessive and it left Jimin choking, and craving more again because even though it feels wrong, it feels right. Some small part of him which he wants to die accepts this, think this is this and doesn’t really have much else to make of it. It was just something, a thing he accepted, even if it was wrong, even if it would eventually kill him.

One day something snapped, survival instinct. Jimin’s head spun, changed and he was left aching, anxious and desperate. He needed to get out. How, where, all kind of questions presented for him yet none of them had an answer. It didn’t matter, Jimin didn’t care. Sirens were blaring inside of his mind to just get out, he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted but he needed to get out and he needed to do it now. It made him anxious, as he tried to come up with methods of what to do. Under normal circumstances he would recognize how he somehow ended up seeing his home as a prison but right now his mind didn’t even give a spare second to consider that, he needed to get out.

Hoseok was gone for how long? Three hours exactly. Three hours until he would return and Jimin would have to be somewhere else, yet where? He had already packed his bags, it had been something he had done over the course of the week, subtly filling different bags out until he finally put it all into one suitcase today, it had taken him a small five minutes to do so. His eyes looked back to the clock every second as he felt somehow convinced that time was passing faster, even if only a second has past he worried that it might’ve magically turned into a minute that passed.

Taehyung wasn’t home. His parents lived in Busan and his other friends lived far away, the few where he knew he could crash instantly weren’t available right now, most of them had gone back home for the holiday break and Jimin didn’t have any keys, his options were very limited, there were barely any options.

In the end Jimin decided to send out a quick few texts to some of his better friends, they lived somewhat far away and Jimin wouldn’t be able to walk there but it wasn’t too far away, he knew them well enough and Jimin hoped they’d be able to let him crash for however long it would take. His gut twisted as he read one that said a quick yes, his fingers shook as he stood up and his legs were wobbly, Jimin felt like he was going to fall any second.

After some harsh words directed at himself Jimin stood more firmly, a deep breath released through his mouth and it felt like his lungs were closing and all air was leaving. The steps forward were able to shake up his entire body, just keep doing. His hand was on the doorknob, it opened.

“Jimin!”

Hoseok stood before him.

Excitement shifted to anger which changed into something that Jimin couldn’t recognize, a mix of emotions that were all aimed toward him and none were good. His heart jumped up, it was stuck in his throat. Jimin didn’t think.

“You’re not leaving.”

You need to go now.

“I love you.”

You need to get him out of the door.

“I would kill for you, for your love.”

Just GO.

Jimin had never fought, never seriously anyway. He was a dancer, he was a diplomat and he was a pacifist but right now he was unable to see any other way out, survival instinct. Two well placed kicks and a harsh push, Jimin dashed out and just ran. He ran.

-8-

Seconds passed, days passed, weeks passed, life passed. Time passed. It was merciless and kept pressing forward as Jimin drowned more in the past, a loosing grasp on the present and the future loomed above him, intimidating eyes that looked down at him with something almost akin to pity.

Taehyung kept going, Jimin had stopped moving though his body pressed on, tried to follow the normality of life as best as he could, yet that proved to be a sad effort. All this, it was different, it made Jimin so unlike Jimin that he was unable to recognize himself anymore, the mirror was foreign, his mind strange and his body unknown.

It felt like a permanent scar, marked and never to be forgotten. A daily reminder of all that was, all that had been and the many worse directions in which it could’ve gone. It was a cruel fate, one that he did his best to ignore but usually he had no avail. Ignoring this was hard, it was impossible as his body felt like the constant reminder, though it was covered up, it would never leave him.

Hoseok had left after that fateful night. Part of him never believed it was because Hoseok had stopped loving him in his own sick twisted way but Jimin had done all he could to stay away from Hoseok, to remove all ties. He left university, he stayed with friends and never stayed anywhere permanently. In the end, Jimin had moved back to Busan. The choice was a bit radical, he admitted to it. Though he feared for his life, it was irrational to stop the course he was working on yet admittedly, Jimin never expected to do any work with the degree he was working on. Because of some connections he had gotten two jobs, one was dance instructor and the other was just a small part-time delivery job. It was the little extra that Jimin wanted to be fully confident in his ability to support himself, considering he had to pay more rent for a single apartment on his own.

Taehyung? Jimin had never found himself able to tell the truth of all that happened, Taehyung had been away those fateful days and Jimin was able to lie it all away, like the flick of a wand. They had broken up and Jimin wanted to spend more time with his family so he moved back, Taehyung was sad and the two promised to visit each other which they had been doing bi-weekly. Jimin felt ashamed, knowing he would never tell Taehyung the truth. Jimin couldn’t, there was nothing stopping him but himself and yet that was the one obstacle that seemed impossible to cross.

The news was mixed with his parents, no parent liked to see their son go yet seeing them drop out of school was a different case. Jimin lied again, though his ears burned as he spoke and he felt himself inch closer to self-destruction with the more lies he told, he just did so.

Maybe he still loved Hoseok, a sick twisted part of him which he wanted to burn and let die, but it was still there. Or maybe he was just ashamed of ever letting things get this far, of falling in love with someone so bright yet so dangerous, he was ashamed for not seeing things before they happened, not recognizing the dangers he was in before it was too late. Maybe it was both, a sick twisted love and disgust for himself, a deadly duo.

In the end though, all was well and Jimin found respite in seeing his parents more often than not, though it was strange at first, adjusting took him little to no time. It made him come to terms with just how much he had missed everything when he was in Seoul, of course Busan didn’t hold up to the capital in some aspects but it was where he came from and he found it so much easier to be there, to be with the people that lived there. Everything came much more natural than the city he had been living in, he always thought he had adjusted until he came back home and realized how much of the same person he still was, the insecure dance prodigy which left Busan returned as less insecure, less of a prodigy but still a skilled dancer who was going to share his skill with whomever wanted to learn.

Another thing that came with ease was the apartment. It was spacious, two rooms which gave Jimin a bedroom and a dance room. He decided on positioning his desk in the living room near the small dining table, he wanted a space where he could separate himself from everything and everyone and just let go, the dance room became that room. It was empty, a bar on the wall, some speakers with wires on the floor and a big mirror hung on the wall. It was simple, yes, but it was all he needed for it to work.

Within a week his apartment felt like home, he did miss the liveliness that came with a roommate but it was something he adjusted to quickly thanks to his loud neighbors, there was never any silence but Jimin didn’t mind it, in all honesty.

Today was just another day, he had finished his work and went to bed, turned his phone off and everything else to make sure he could get a good night’s sleep. Though that didn’t really last.

Bells at the end of the night weren’t a strange occurrence for Jimin, he lived in an apartment block and he happened to have neighbors around his age, people who probably got drunk a few times too often and managed to get themselves locked out more than once, it wasn’t strange for him to hear a ringing at one in the morning. One of his neighbors, Patrick, had a friend who always crashed his place even when he wasn’t there but somehow said friend always managed to forget to take the keys with him. Jimin was convinced that friend had lost them but didn’t want to admit it, or Jimin was extremely diligent especially when it came to placement of his keys.

The student got himself begrudgingly out of bed, rubbing his eyes as he walked through his apartment. He still felt half-asleep as he did so, his mind was miles behind on his body and it surprised him that he was even moving like he was now, his mind didn’t really seem to know what it was doing, at all, but his body just took auto pilot mode and kept going until it arrived at the front door. With a tired yawn he opened the door.

It wasn’t Patrick, wasn’t his friend nor the elderly lady who lived to the other side of him. It was Jung Hoseok.

[apogrcpha-blog]

smol and tol [ k. namjoon ]

words // 1.0K

pairings // kim namjoon x reader

warnings // none

summary // You’re really not that short, your boyfriend is just that tall

You would never really consider yourself short because you weren’t, not really but everyone seemed small next to the human embodiment of a tree Namjoon was. It didn’t help how long his legs were, which made his posture even more straighter and make him seem even more taller, even though Namjoon usually was anything but straight.

So the combination of your average-ish height, maybe a little under, and Namjoon’s sometimes freakishly tall height wasn’t a combination that you necessarily always liked. You genuinely loved Namjoon, he genuinely loved you too but it often ended up with some less than optimal situations, often in your disadvantage because you were the smaller one here.

“Why don’t you let me be the little spoon?” Namjoon suddenly asked, it was one of his few free days or one of the few free hours he had gotten and the two of you always spend them together. Whether it were simple acts of affection, cuddling, kissing or sex, or some more domestic things like reading together or philosophical confessions that were too long, you loved them all because what was there not to love?

At the comment you burst out laughing as you snuggled closer to Namjoon. “You’re a literal tree babe, well, compared to most people. It’s going to be both really awkward and uncomfortable if I have to be the big spoon.” You really weren’t as short, far from really but just short compared to Namjoon, he towered above you. It was annoying most of the time but right now you quite liked it.

“Oh come on, You’re only thirteen centimeters shorter than me.” He said and you rolled your eyes in response.

“Try that again,” Thirteen centimeters didn’t sound like much and didn’t always appear as much, considering what both of you were wearing and the fact that you had quite long legs which made up for some of your shortcomings next to your boyfriend.

“Oh shut up, once, after a concert. That’s all I’m asking.”

“You’re asking now.”

“Sometime in the future?”

“I’ll think about it.” You said with a smile and he grumbled a little but at the same time was still smiling, it was hard for either of you to get really mad at each other. You always talked stuff out whenever you could and recognised that silent treatment and ignoring your problems were wrong which was why you never had fights and even rarely had arguments, even if your views didn’t change both of you apologized and you two moved on to the next day, leaving all of it in the past and never holding grudges. It worked extremely well.

-8-

Of course, even though Namjoon was mature and you were too, both of you could be childish, it was in everyone’s nature truly, sometimes you just needed and wanted to be a little childish. There were some pranks that went on between you two, nothing too severe but seeing the clear difference, obviously all of them had to include height. So, right now you knew what was happening when you stared at your favourite pair of sweets all the way on the top shelf.

See, Namjoon hadn’t permanently moved in but this was your apartment and you had never gotten yourself a small stool or such to stand on, it was never necessary. You put things on the shelves you could reach and never really had so much in your cupboards that they were filled to the brim, even the top shelves. So it had become a bit of a common way for Namjoon to get back at you, put things on the top shelf and refuse to get them for you.

“Joonie, are we really doing this now?” You yelled, you didn’t know what he was doing exactly as he had entered when you were making yourself lunch. You could basically see the grin that was on his face in this moment, because he knew what you meant when you yelled for him, he knew it exactly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said, you turned to look at him and he really was trying his hardest not to love.

“Shut up. You know exactly what we’re both staring at right now. There isn’t much doubt about who did this or who could fix it. So if you could, please.” You said with a small smile, it was hard to be patient with this when you really just wanted to eat some sweets for once but you were staring at something so high you felt unsure you’d even be able to reach it if you sat on Namjoon’s shoulders.

“Hmmm.”

“Oh come on.”

“Say it.” Namjoon attempting to suppress his grin turned into a full out smirk, it made your eyes roll. You understood why he wanted it, but he got a little dramatic about it in your opinion. A little very dramatic, especially after you had rejected him. Though it was new somewhat, considering it was about cuddling and most of your arguments were really about blanket sharing which could get a little out of hand, considering the height difference and the fact that Namjoon liked to take full possession of whatever blanket had been put into his reach.

“Fine,” You huffed and rolled your eyes. “You get to be small spoon next time.”

“And?”

“You’re demanding a lot here, I could just lock you out of this apartment and get a stool.” You reminded him, even though you were fully aware you had given him his own set of keys, most of the time he left them here, whenever he returned here you two were usually together so he never really needed it. Though you did decide to finally get a stool, just in case.

“I’ve got keys babe.”

“Alright, and after concerts.”

He smirked. “Specifically.”

“All concerts even though that’s completely unrealistic because I’m not always travelling with you.”

In response to that Namjoon walked in, got the bag of sweets from the upper shelf and kissed you on your cheek before handing you the bag of sweets. You rolled your eyes at his sudden more romantic change in behaviour.

“You’re my boyfriend, you’re supposed to be nice.”

“I could say the same of you, aren’t you supposed to always take care of me too because you’re my boyfriend?”

“Maybe I’m being a bit trying to see whatever you’re blocking half of the time.” You retorted and he chuckled.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, you big ass tree.”

a / n : I didn’t think I still had it in me to write fluff lol, but yeah this is a lot shorter and I’m not really going to be on here bc I’ve got an art tumblr I’m on a lot more and I’m focusing all my attention into my fanfic Across the ocean which I’m close to finishing so that’s taking my full attention. 

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Eternal [ taehyung x jungkook ]

words // 7.2 K

pairings // kim taehyung x jung jungkook

warnings // major character death

summary // everyone has a soulmate and everyone is given a chance to live with them their entire life because people stop aging at 18. sometimes you have to wait, a very long time.

also on a03

Soulmates had been known to mankind since the beginning of time truly, records of ancient Egyptian pharaohs searching the limited known world for their true love. No one knew exactly how they worked, people stopped aging until they met their soulmates, that was the general story that was told but it was never explained quite well, it was more or less something you had to experience. Tae-il had always believed in them without a doubt, it was just something that he chose to believe in. Soulmates weren’t required for love, his parents were perfect examples. Two people looking as they had done since the first day their eighteenth year, that had been two years ago already and neither had aged a single day though often it actually went unnoticed. It was just assumed people aged slowly but the stories had been written down and recorded, some witnessed them in their real life, seeing people they love not age a day whilst others have become their proper ages, grandparents that appeared younger compared to their children.

Chang-hoon was Tae-il’s best friend though their views differed deeply, Chang-hoon frowned upon the mere thought of soulmates where Tae-il was excited as always, the thought of meeting his was something that was able to make his blood run and his heart pump. Maybe it was the boy’s creative imagination that made him as excited about soulmates as he was, the ideality of it was strange yet perfect to him. A refuge from normal citizen worker life with someone supposedly perfect for you, it was something so magical and idealistic that Tae-il simply could not remove the thoughts from his mind.

Tae-il grew older, artisan life was starting to be rather dissatisfying with him and so was the clear difference between sangmin and yangban, Tae-il rarely understood them when he was younger and the older he grew the more ridiculous they became. The majority being regarded as lesser by the minority, the more the artisan considered it, thought deeply about it, the worst all the logic behind it came though he rarely voiced the thoughts, all of it was hardly appreciated and revolutions did not happen with a single soul.

His eighteenth birthday was a strange affair, a stranger affair when another year had passed and he had gotten married to a girl whose name had been almost completely unimportant, it was for the sheer sake of family values, tradition and honour. Jang-mi was a well mannered girl, seemingly almost bread for children. They got their first child within the first year of their marriage as was customary, a boy they called Chang-min named after his best friend from birth.

There was a certain moment where Tae-il his heart was broken, not necessarily hopelessly broken but it suffered a harsh blow. Chang-hoon had come after the birth of Chang-min, the two best friend hadn’t seen each other in quite some time as Chang-hoon was a fisherman spending most time at sea. The conversation had shifted quite quickly from his newborn son to the soulmate Chang-hoon acquired. Quite some time ago, something his friend had apparently kept hidden from multiple years, Chang-hoon had met an oego nobi in one of the port towns he had visited during his trips. Law forbid their union but when Chang-hoon had noticed that the younger girl had started to age , appearing older than his mother he knew it was the right thing to do, not to mention the ecstatic buzz he felt when he met her.  He knew had found his soulmate.

Tae-il was unsure if it was jealousy that haunted his mind as he played with little Chang-min, chances were that it was a form of jealousy. Aging wasn’t something necessarily enticing, some people from centuries ago had actively chosen not to find their soulmates to remain immortal, though it didn’t quite work that way. Most people did eventually die, their appearance did not grow in any kind of way but their mind slowly deteriorated until a shell was left, nothing close to whom they used to be. Tae-il didn’t care too much about the more vain side, rather he would prefer to see his son grow up and die before his son. Maybe it was even some kind of fear, the fear of his son being greeted by death before him.

Yet Tae-il was very aware of how slim his chances of finding his soulmate were, not to mention he was already married and had an obligation to his family. If there was one thing he valued above else it was family, part of it had been drilled into his brain since birth as he was their parents’ eldest son, guaranteed to carry on their family name but he himself though it was very important too, there might be little love shared between him and Jang-mi, she was a sweet girl though, but their love for their son was in unison and both of them cared deeply for him.

Time passed, Chang-hoon grew older whilst Tae-il remained the same. The same man of eighteen with some facial hair but not much who painted for everyone and no one, he had become more popular and had more requests than ever. Life wasn’t perfect but life was very good for him, his son was growing healthy and had a natural talent for their trade. Within the third year of their marriage they had another baby boy called Min-ki, followed by another girl the next year they named Eun-chae. Life was rather peaceful altogether, though not his idealistic vision, Tae-il wouldn’t have wished for a different like truly as he was able to watch his children and live in comfort.

There was one moment that changed this though. This domestic peaceful life, it was a normal day all together. Tae-il, whilst remaining the appearance of an 18 year old man, had turned thirty-five, his birthday wasn’t something considered very special, him and Chang-hoon celebrated it. Though the fisherman was rarely home, he had made some time for his best friend. At the end of the day after the sun had set and the moon risen Tae-il wanted to go to bed when he noticed Jang-mi staring vainly at a small bowl, her reflection was hazy yet there was one thing clear, a fine line tainting her forehead. Aging.

Opposed to what Tae-il had thought he would do, he did nothing. Merely gave her a kiss before going to sleep, leaving her frowning at the bowl. They weren’t soulmates, they knew that, but apparently Jang-mi had met her soulmate without being aware of it. Marriage was rather permanent though and Tae-il was unsure if she even had the slightest inkling of whom it might be, nonetheless neither ever spoke a word about it. Time passed, Chang-min turned eighteen and within a month was married to a musician’s daughter, his soulmate it turned out.

Jang-mi died, a very bad fever had struck and she had been left extremely weak until her heart stopped beating and Tae-il noticed the four thin lines tainting her forehead after she had died before the burial. Chang-hoon followed soon, an accident on sea after a harsh storm had struck his small boat, it was to be expected sooner or later. For some reason Tae-il had decided to support the family Chang-hoon had left behind, a last deed he could do for a friend whom he had grown jealous of.

Within a small decade his eldest son looked older than him, their second son had died in some kind of freak accident that none had been able to explain. His daughter was married to a farmer’s boy, it wasn’t the best socially but the family was very well off, enough food to sustain them all with complete ease and more than enough was sold to make them one of the richest families nearby, it was a good proposition to both of them.

Tae-il started to tell stories to his grandchildren, a story as to how he was younger than their father which was always a strange story to explain to a small four year old girl and one year old boy, the boy idly twiddling with his thumb. Time passed and Tae-il started to fall into retreat, isolated with just his work. His children died, their children died and the world started to twist and turn. World wars and invasions all occurred after one another with such a rapid succession that Tae-il found it hard to keep track off, they were left alone for the most part though all were affected by what was happening. A century and a half later his home country had suddenly been split in two with extreme tensions between the groups, everything went by infinitely fast.

Honestly Tae-il had never expected to live this long, the longest record was a hundred years yet his mind remained young and his body too, it had been more than two centuries already, he had witnissed society shift from a caste system with the most advanced technology being a telescope to their entire world being shifted, castes didn’t exist, nobility wasn’t determined by blood but by wealth, dynasties had fallen and the internet had been invented. Tae-il had surprised himself with how quick he was to adapt to the new worlds that had been replacing his old one, with all these rebirths he chose one for himself to, Tae-il became Taehyung.

-8-

Taehyung generally preferred and enjoyed 21st century live very much, a very peaceful moment of human history compared to the previous centuries. All the issues still existed in the world, world conflicts,poverty, famine and so much more but all of it had been in vast decline, compared to how things had been when he was born. Life was better, a lot better, Taehyung disliked the change and emphasis on family values, it was still there but it had merely changed a lot, either way life was better now, he recognised that.

Because of his appearance he had decided to study, enroll in college. It took a bit of time to get his papers together, considering he had never properly enrolled in a primary or secondary school since he had been alive for around two hundred years but it was easy to fake some papers, especially with the friends he had accumulated over the years, in the end he had gotten himself enrolled into a university studying art. It wasn’t all that necessary, ever since the beginning of the century he had taken advantage of the internet, a perfect platform for his career to bloom.

His artwork was very popular, it sold very well and he was doing extremely well in terms of money, far too much for him to use truly but it might be nice to try out college for once, get a paper. It wasn’t required but Taehyung quite liked to try out some new things, university was very typical now and he had always attempted to do what is typical for that generation to try and live something he would describe as a young life. It worked, which was also why he had suffered through the best and worst fashion trends.

The university was dedicated to the creative arts, music, poetry, writing, art and many more things. Taehyung had always been somewhat of a social magnet, even when he was still a small boy, so getting some friends proved to be the easiest thing ever. Part of him assumed that it was also so easy because he made it his mission almost to always remain friends with young people, he wouldn’t fall in some kind of slump of being so old and it always helped him remain normal, mostly in his speech as language had definitely changed. All in all the young people kept him alive, attempting to live the best life he could with his seemingly infinite life span.

Jimin was one of the few people who knew his entire story, well not entirely but as close as anyone had gotten, and to Taehyung’s surprise the boy took it very well and actually found it surprising, intimidating yet very cool. Nothing changed in their friendship and it made Taehyung extremely happy, it wasn’t necessarily lifting a burden off of his shoulders as he never viewed his age as a burden but it was nice for someone to understand him better, to know him better than most and for someone to know the string of lies he had attached to make him seem like any eighteen year old going to university.

“I want to introduce you to someone.” Jimin said and Taehyung raised his eyebrows out of curiosity, most of the people they knew were mutual so there weren’t a lot of people he could introduce Taehyung to but he always welcomed new people with open arms.

“Who?”

“Jeon Jungkook, he’s a freshman and is a singer but also an amazing dancer and a bit of a brat most of the time. He’s really nice though, when he wants to be.” Jimin said with a rather fond smile. After that the two went out and went to the college library, even though it was mainly focused on the creative arts, that didn’t keep them from giving tens of thousands of essays to write and to Taehyung’s surprise there was an extreme history collection on every single field there was to study, it was extraordinary how many books there were.

Jungkook sat with a few books open in front of him, earbuds in and a laptop in front of his face. Taehyung noticed how relaxed he seemed and felt a kind of immediately impulse to draw him, his complexion was quite warm and his expression was puzzled yet amused, maybe by his own lack of understanding. The little tongue sticking out as he focused, somehow he looked more photogenic than most people Taehyung had photographed without trying.

“Kookie, this is Taehyung.” Jimin said with a smile as both of them sat down around the table. Jungkook took his earbuds out and stared at Taehyung who did the same and there was something indescribable that had occured between the two of them though Taehyung had an idea as to wha it might be and there was a small tinge of hope, fear, happiness and sadness. Opposites colliding.

“Nice to meet you.” Taehyung said with a small smile.

“Nice to meet you too.”

-8-

Taehyung had stopped believing in his soulmate at some point down the line. At first he held out hope, he was always assuming the time would come but the decades passed and the world had changed so rapidly that he had simply stopped thinking about the idea of his soulmate. It had been decades since his eighteenth birthday and he just decided not to expect it anymore, if he had a soulmate he would’ve met him by now yet at the same time, there was an entire world to explore yet he had never left the boundaries of the country he had been born in. Maybe he had the worst luck with his soulmate somewhere across the earth, one he would never meet until his body did truly give out and resignm decide to stop because it was sick of his already extraordinarily long life span.

Nonetheless Taehyung read many books and papers about Soulmates, it was just something to interest him, keep him entertained. See how technology and scientific advances had changed stories, yet at the core everything was still the same as it had been. You age until your eighteenth birthday and then you stop aging physically until you meet your soulmate, interaction or not once you meet them it just happens. If you didn’t find your soulmate the body would start to deteriorate but it was almost always at an estimated three times slower rate which made their lifespans seem infinite. Yet if you did meet your soulmate at a later date you would age again, the rate ranged from a little faster than normal to so fast people died within a small month because they had been alive for so long already. There was also quite a lot on how perfect a soulmate really was, considering most of the time they were something that was ‘assigned’ at birth, the only way for it to change was for your soulmate to die. People grew into very different people than what was expected of them and sometimes soulmates didn’t go together anymore, it was life.

Meeting a soulmate whilst being aware was written about almost endlessly, Taehyung had read enough to know that it was so different all of them had the liberty and difference to all be best sellers. Somehow though, the more he thought the more confident he started to feel that yes, Jungkook was his soulmate. There was something about that strange feeling that made him think it meant Soulmates, the fear stemmed from the fear that Jungkook was his soulmate. Not because he didn’t want Jungkook as a soulmate, he was absolutely adorable, rather because he was afraid of aging fast. Aging itself was no issue to Taehyung, it was rapid aging that scared him. The thought of going from eighteen to forty overnight. He wasn’t too vain but it was a normal fear he had, he didn’t think it was irrational in all honesty. Everyone either feared aging or death, it was a very normal thing because it was an end or going towards an end to your one human life, it made sense really. Taehyung was still human, he feared the end to his already long life, more so than normal people because he had just gotten so adjusted and used to an extremely long life compared to normal people and that could be stripped away from him within months, he knew he was on rented time if Jungkook was his soulmate.

Over the years there had grown a massive culture around soulmates, psychics who could meet the two of you and determine whether you were soulmates or not. For a moment Taehyung almost wanted to consider them, but that was really stretching. So he decided on the far more rational choice, asking Jungkook. Seeing what he thought and how they could move, Taehyung didn’t like the thought of having to wait it out and still being unsure of who his soulmate is exactly because it could just be someone he spotted walking across the street, yet he had never felt that feeling before and to Taehyung that had to mean something.

Taehyung put his pencil down, staring at the sketch he had made. Over the many decades his art had drastically changed, due to both the materials that were available now and the shift in style, he preferred the diversity of him being able to do both very classical paintings and very modern ones, it made his work very appealing for richer people who would prefer a very traditional painting, he had received endless compliments on how they looked so authentic, not knowing the obvious story of his craftsmanship. Nonetheless it was an extremely easy way to make quite some money with a lot of people craving something so authentic.

A soft knock on his door made him look up from the workstation and slowly he got up, opening the door where Jungkook stood. The younger wore something different and it looked quite stylish for someone who had aggressively claimed he wasn’t trying to be stylish just yesterday. He had a small smile on his face but it seemed rather anxious, another thing Taehyung had mastered over the years, human emotion. It had always been something essential for him to emulate in his pieces but reading human emotion was like any other skill, only it took more practice due to exceptions which was sometimes all of them.

“You wanted to talk to me Taehyung-ssi?” Jungkook said, the way he sounded was anxious too which made Taehyung’s ideas confirmed about how Jungkook was feeling.

“Sit down, yeah? Do you want something to drink?” Jungkook shook his head.

“I’m fine.”

So the two of them sat down, Taehyung took a gulp from the mug of coffee.

“I think we’re soulmates.” Taehyung said, a small smile on his lips.

“I think so too.” Jungkook said, his eyes cast down at the ground. He had a small smile on his lips as he said it but as he looked down it was clear he felt very insecure about it. Taehyung felt surprisingly okay, despite during the time when he was born gay men were far and between, he assumed it was the experience of a lifetime to accept it quite easily, at first there was a wash of shame but over time he grew more accepting, recognising there was no logic in being unaccepting to everything, a century gave you so many experiences and in Taehyung’s opinion it was a lot easier to be accepting then.

“That’s good, you felt it too then?” Jungkook gave a small nod and looked back up again.

“Then I suggest we try dating, if you want that.” Taehyung’s voice was calm as he spoke, it was quite easy for him to remain so calm though he did feel desperate to make Jungkook feel more at ease but he wasn’t sure how to do it yet.

“Okay.”

“Let’s get to know each other then.”

Jungkook smiled. “Yeah.”

-8-

It had been two weeks since they started dating when Taehyung first noticed it. He had finished up one of his paintings. It was a cityscape, digital and one more apocalypse inspired. The overwhelming nature taking over all modern architecture and inventions, it was strange to think of how humans were invading a world but Taehyung decided not to think about it too much as of now. Opting to focus on the present and what was happening in his life rather than some apocalyptic scenario where nature wanted its planet back.

Digital art was still a little weird for him because it was so different yet similar to all the other mediums he’s ever used, it was just hard to adjust to really, that was it. He did understand it and had been working with it long enough to have a very solid skill, good enough to make professional work but it was still strange working with it. It didn’t matter though, he quite liked it because of how easy it was to change and adjust.

Taehyung took a step back, smiling at the work he had made before going to get himself something to drink and eat because he hadn’t really been taking care of himself well, it was very easy for him to fall into the habit of working without taking a single pause to drink or eat because he had fallen into his work and wanted to finish it within the hour but generally, that didn’t work out too well.

He saw his own reflection in the mirror of the window as he looked out, his own face. Fine lines, they weren’t really that noticeable, less than a thin layer of makeup and it would fade, nonexistent but that didn’t really matter, Taehyung liked his physical appearance but it wasn’t the most important thing in his life. It was the change though, that took him by surprise, how fast it was. It had been a week maybe since he had met Jungkook and a few days since they had agreed to be together as a couple, so far it had been going amazing in all honesty, him and Jungkook did fit together though sometimes Taehyung did experience a kind of age gap, almost like a lack of understanding between the two of them because of their age and Taehyung knew that was inescapable but it wasn’t nearly as bad as he had originally imagined, Jungkook was patient and understanding most of the time and it helped that Taehyung hadn’t ever allowed himself to become some kind of old, mopey, and complaining man.

Taehyung had decided not to tell Jungkook his entire life story, for one it was a tiring one to tell because of how long it was and a second was that Taehyung didn’t want to overwhelm Jungkook, in the end they might still decide they like to be friends but not necessarily like to be together, it happens. Because of that Taehyung didn’t want to drop the load of information on Jungkook but he felt like the time by which he’d have to do that was shrinking, closing in on him as he was clearly aging faster than he had expected.

Funnily enough, when he thought about it all, all he could think about was Jungkook, the best way to tell Jungkook and how he might react. Taehyung hadn’t even thought about his death that was approaching faster than he would’ve liked, that didn’t even come to his mind, his own well being was just pushed aside, almost forgotten because Jungkook had become his main concern.

He took a deep breath, took a sip of his drink and called Jungkook.

-8-

Jungkook took it all in very well, extremely well, far better than Taehyung had ever expected. Jungkook was understanding, he was a bit weird about it first but that was understandable, knowing that your soulmate was hundreds years old whilst you were just twenty was a little overwhelming, Taehyung could imagine that.

It almost seemed like Jungkook enjoyed listening to Taehyung’s story, it wasn’t too spectacular, a normal human life just expanded and because it was expanded there was more loss, regret and love than normal. Almost like a drama story, though it was considerably longer than most dramas.

“I guess you know what this means.” Taehyung said, a small smile on his lips even though he wasn’t sure if it was happiness, he was happy to see and know Jungkook understood him and how it didn’t seem to mind him much but Taehyung wondered if he really understood the depth here.

“You’re going to age really fast.”

“I think a year at most.” Taehyung didn’t have a perfect estimate, he had nothing that was exact but he had general ideas and he knew he didn’t have that much time really, he knew that.

“That doesn’t change things, really.” Jungkook said and Taehyung wondered if he really understood what he was saying but he would go along without a doubt, Taehyung would see what would eventually happen and if Jungkook would stay true to his comment, that him aging wouldn’t change anything.

“Are you sure about that? I don’t want to go all I’m older than you so I know better but it’s very hard, it’s harder than you think and I think you don’t fully realise all that will come.” Taehyung said, he wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted to protect his own heart of because he wanted to protect Jungkook, it didn’t matter really because it was about the idea that it would be quite hard on both of them and that was what it was about, Taehyung wanted to protect his own heart and that of Jungkook.

“I’m as sure as I can be.” Jungkook said with a wide smile. “I know i don’t have the experience you do and all that but trust me Taehyung-ssi, I understand this won’t all be beautiful and that I’ll end up hurt but it will be the same, maybe even worse, if we split up and I don’t spend the time with you. Everything will end in tears but at least we’ll have been together and I will have loved someone.” It was beautiful as Taehyung nodded, a smile on his face before the two of them shared a long kiss. Taehyung still felt a little weary, it was natural for him to considering all he had been through but Jungkook was more genuine than most people he knew, he admitted to the hurt that would come along with their relationship which made Taehyung believe he would end up okay, maybe not happy after it all but he would be okay.

-8-

Within the third month Taehyung estimated he was maybe around forty now, in physical age. He looked older now, though it was far from as bad as Taehyung had imagined it would be, yes he looked older, fine lines, small wrinkles around his eyes, all of it together made him seem older but it were the physical things he started to feel that really started to get to him. Muscle aches came faster and sooner, his arms cramped, his legs didn’t feel all too great at times. It wasn’t anything severe but it was very noticeable, any small physical change that he hadn’t made voluntarily was noticeable after a century, even the smallest changes.

Taehyung had stopped going to college, it had never been necessary either honestly, just a thing he did for fun and to meet some new people and now he was clearly aging he decided to stop going. It wasn’t necessarily about retreating inwards, disappearing from the world but it was just leaving his university, he still regularly hung out with Jimin, who was ecstatic Taehyung had found his soulmate, and his other friends, still did his work and honestly nothing had changed.

It didn’t feel like anything had changed honestly, but Taehyung was starting to slowly get a little worried. Just because things were going fast, very fast and even though he showed his love for Jungkook every day, he didn’t always feel like it was enough though. Like it wasn’t enough to make up for all the hurt he will cause, even though Jungkook kept saying he was more than he could ask for, it was a deep insecurity from inside of Taehyung that was his issue, he just couldn’t change that about himself.

For some reason the closer death came the more time Taehyung started to invest in what he would like to call his final series, not necessarily one piece de resistance, but a last showcase of his work. He worked day and night for two reasons, clearly he was focusing on his collection but he was also doing as much as he could to leave something for Jungkook, the best he could do was leave him money so he could sustain himself for a long time if things didn’t go as planned. Taehyung had never spend much money so really, all of it was just money that had piled up over the century. It was enough to last Jungkook quite some time so Taehyung felt satisfied, it wasn’t giving Jungkook debt it was enabling him to do as he wanted with money to fall back on.

The door opened and Taehyung was quick to cover his canvas, turning it around. Jungkook entered with a smile and two two had a quick kiss.

“How was class?” Taehyung asked as he moved to the kitchen, getting him and Jungkook something to eat.

“It was okay, I met a producer. Yoongi-hyung, he offered to help me create a song and see if he wanted to continue working with me after.” Jungkook said, his tone sounded like he tried to make it casual but it was clear he was excited. Taehyung smiled and pulled out one of the bottles of wine, small victories had to be celebrated. After they had confirmed that they were soulmates Taehyung had learnt that Jungkook had wanted to be a musician since he could remember, it was happy to see him finally get to do what he wanted to do.

“Small steps deserve celebration.” Taehyung said with a grin at the surprised look that Jungkook gave him at the sight of the two wine glasses. Taehyung did really believe in the celebrating the process more than the end result. The end result was what you would eventually end up looking at in the end, what you would listen to and all but Taehyung had learnt that the process was often even more important, it was what you went through and what would very heavily dictate the end result. If you don’t acknowledge your small victories in a piece could change your attitude and you might end up with a worse result.

“Like this?”

“Well, maybe not always like this but it’s the best I’ve got for now.” Taehyung said with a shrug and smile. Taehyung felt very strange as he was aware he was getting older, more physically than mentally yet nothing much had changed. Maybe because it wasn’t severe yet, it was just getting a little older, that was it. He was showing some small signs yet nothing changed but Taehyung was starting to be more worried and anxious about aging now, sure up until fifty, maybe even sixty, it was not so severe, fine lines and wrinkles, maybe some physical issues but they would be minor. Yet the age where it would really start to notice was growing closer and closer and he did start to feel anxious about how much he would change, he was scared of being incapable of taking care of himself, afraid of health issues that might come along and he was just becoming afraid of his shrinking time with Jungkook.

“To your not yet made song.” Jungkook laughed as their glasses clinked together.

-8-

Taehyung was more tired these days, he had always been a very heavy sleeper and always got the amount of sleep that was necessary but this was something different, he needed more sleep. He started to be more tired once the clock went past ten, it wasn’t necessarily changing his entire life but it was one of the few things he started to notice, small changes again. Yet again it was nothing too extreme but it were just things he noticed after being the same for such a long time.

Jungkook had made his song, it had gone viral everywhere to the point where he had even gotten some emails from entertainment companies, Jungkook was considering it. Taehyung understood why, it was a very useful push to assist him, it could basically make his entire career if he got through a while of being a trainee, whether he would end up as a solo artist or in a group, he’d at least have a few years of a guaranteed career ahead of him.

Yoongi had been fiercely against it, in part because he was genuinely a little selfish and wanted to keep working with Jungkook himself instead of letting him be owned by some company but Yoongi had brought up the very important point about artistic liberty, it varied per company of course but Jungkook would lose a lot of creative freedom probably, it wasn’t as though he wouldn’t be allowed to do anything but they needed to make songs which needed to sell and sometimes that meant shallow songs that sounded better, it happened. Taehyung knew it was about performing with Jungkook but Taehyung also noticed how much songwriting had helped him, how it was his creative outlet like painting was Taehyung’s.

“Kookie, it’s up to you okay. I don’t like to say this but I won’t be around much longer, you just need to consider both options but I suggest always doing what your heart says.” Jungkook nodded yet he seemed just as insecure as he had before. Taehyung noticed Jungkook really struggled with this choice, he did his best tow remind him it wouldn’t dictate the world, wouldn’t make the future be set in stone because he could always change things up.

“How are you feeling? I mean we’re always talking about me but we should focus on you.” Taehyung shrugged.

“We’re together, we focus on each other an equal amount of time.”

Jungkook smiled but was clearly in disagreement with Taehyung.

“How are you, really?”

Taehyung let out a sigh, his arm hurt out of nowhere, not badly but just in an annoying way. How lovely it was to grow older.

“I’m okay, for now. Really, I am. I’m just scared, insecure and worried.” Taehyung said it calmly, he was a bit worried but he was quite good at dealing with that, he just reminded himself some things were out of his control, there were things that would happen if he hated them or not and he slowly worked towards fully accepting them. It would take some time but it would end up well. “I’m worried there will be a point where I’m too old to do the things I love, that I can’t take care of myself anymore, worried I won’t be able to finish what I started. I’m not insecure because I look older, it’s just scary, all the physical complications that come along with growing so much older after a century of being the same person.”

It felt good to say out loud, it didn’t feel like a weight had disappeared but he felt more comfortable as he let himself slouch a little. Jungkook looked sympathetic and Taehyung knew he understood him, sure it wasn’t that close in his future but the general fear of becoming older, incapable of doing what you can now is everyone’s fear, or at least Taehyung assumed it was a very common fear. You go from completely dependent to independent, it’s hard to let go of that independence.

“Are you afraid I’ll have to take care of you?” Taehyung nodded.

“In the gross way, you know what I mean.” Jungkook let out a small chuckle.

“I wouldn’t mind, maybe a little. Depends, but i’ll always love you. Even if you are soggy and grey and old.”

“Thanks, that helped a lot kook.”

“I love you too.”

Taehyung felt eternally grateful for his soulmate, it had taken decades to meet him and their time was very short lived but it was enough for his life time, just to have a soulmate who would stay with him throughout the process of him growing older and older until something would give out and he would die. It was the cycle of life, he was past the middle now and nearing the end.

-8-

The brush fell out of his hand, a grave black mark on the spotless floor. Taehyung’s back hurt as he went down to grab it again. Those things had been happening more often, he let things fall out of nowhere and everything hurt as he tried to pick it up again. Jungkook wasn’t here now, Taehyung was happy that the younger wasn’t here to see it. It was embarrassing to him but he pushed through and kept going, the second to last painting. Taehyung had gone fully ‘old man’ by now, his skin was sagging and he felt a lot worse than he had been feeling all the decades that went before this but he pushed through it because he had Jungkook at his side, someone so full of love it was paralysing, it was stunning and so pure.

He continued to paint, pushing his glasses up each minute as they started to slip off of the bridge of his nose. Taehyung let out a soft groan as he mixed colours and went back to painting. This wasn’t what he had intended, the piece was a lot smaller than what Taehyung would’ve liked but his original plan had been way too ambitious for his age, too much work to still possibly be completed so he settled and went with something smaller.

Swapping brushes and he went back to painting again, stepping back for a moment glance. It did look like he wanted it to look so that was definitely one thing that was going in the right way, he smiled and decided to take a break for now. Another thing that had been added to his life, continuous breaks whenever he worked on something because his boy just couldn’t handle it anymore, endless hours of sitting or standing up for work. It took a toll on him, not to mention how tired he often got after working for just a short while, all because he was getting older, it was horrible.

Taehyung felt worse, he felt like crying even though he had no idea why. Jungkook loved him and took care of him, all of it was genuine. Taehyung considered it being because of his age, the aging had been harder on him than he ever considered. Taehyung had accepted it, had been able to accept him aging and went with it because it was nature, he couldn’t fight against it.

Still, he stared at the painting and felt like crying for some reason. He let his body slump, fall back into the couch and took deep breaths, in and out. Taehyung loved life and all that came along with it yet this didn’t really feel like living. This felt like being dragged along because he had to, Taehyung didn’t want to die but living like this was too much of a change for him, there was no time to adjust as he seemed to age a year each day, he didn’t have a long transition period to go from completely self sufficient to someone dependent on others to help him, someone who had to sleep an insane amount of hours yet always felt tired, someone who got exhausted after standing for fifty minutes. Taehyung lived healthily but the change was too much at once for him to handle, it all went too fast.

He felt like giving up until he remembered Jungkook. Sweet, sweet Jungkook.

-8-

Everything was set up, covered in sheets. Jimin had helped him with everything, Taehyung would’ve liked to have done it himself but he had recently acquired a cane, now he depended on it almost fully so Jimin had volunteered. Their entire apartment was cramped now, filled to the brim with Taehyung’s creations.

He heard the door click, Taehyung felt his heart pump as he pushed his glasses up. The door opened and Jungkook stopped before he stepped on inside, visibly stunned.

“What happened? What’s all of this?”

“‘Art and love are the same thing: It’s the process of seeing yourself in things that are not you.’ I don’t know how much longer I have, it’s impossible to predict but I’ve always been an artist and have always chased love, using one to capture the other isn’t that strange when you think about it. A last gift. My last collection.” Taehyung smiled as he pulled one of the sheets off, the piece in front of Jungkook and the first one. It wasn’t a piece of art he had made but just a picture of them on their first date.

Transcendence, made by Kim Taehyung.

The smile was a mix of happiness and sadness, Taehyung experienced both as Jungkook wrapped an arm around him as they went past every single piece. All of it had been made by Taehyung, digital art printed, watercolor, pencil, ink, acrylics and oil, any medium he knew how to work with had been incorporated, even more obscure things like small pieces made entirely out of small pieces of paper, a mozaik. Taehyung had even done some sculpting though nothing too grand as it was quite foreign to him.

Everything passed quickly as the two of them spend the entire day reminiscing about everything that had happened, smiles and tears were combined and shared.

-8-

“Our love, our love was eternal.” Jungkook’s voice faded, drowned out by the immense applause that echoed throughout the stadium. A bright smile on his face as he looked up, a star so bright it burned his eye. Taehyung.

a/n // i have tried my best to make the first bit, the history bit, as accurate as possible but i’m definitely not an expert in any way on korean society so I really just used wikipedia and a few other websites to get a general idea

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loving leaving [ p. jimin ]

words // 3.3K

pairings // park jimin x male!reader

warnings // mild self-hatred

summary // Jimin was perfect in every way imaginable and you didn’t want to taint pure white

Jimin was a kind of china, special, a bit fragile sometimes yet it often made him strong, he was beautiful and only meant for special occasions and special things, extraordinary things. China could be easily ruined, porcelain was quite fragile, the simple act of gravity was able to completely destroy it, Jimin was a lot stronger than that though there was something that was pulling him downward, it was you.

Something about the purity of Jimin made you very aware of how easy it was to taint, he was a strong person and you knew that very well but anyone could be influenced, anyone could be manipulated and innocence could be stripped from anyone, all that was needed was a hard push, something stronger than usual. Something so dark it could cover the sun and remove all brightness, it seemed like you were that person. Jimin hadn’t changed the slightest since you two had started dating, but he had become a lot closer and far more touchy, still you couldn’t help like feel you were doing something to him, a slow poison corrupting him.

“Can you come to practice tomorrow?” The question was asked out of nowhere and you stopped stroking Jimin’s hair for a second as you pondered your answer. His hair was extremely soft, another beautiful thing about Jimin.

“I’m sorry Jiminie, I’ve got work.” It was a lie and the truth at once, you did genuinely have to work but it wasn’t all day, you could come to their practice a few hours late but you didn’t really want to. You knew the rest of his members and they were very welcoming, a little protective but it had faded as you and Jimin had been dating for over half a year now, things were going stable and there was no real reason for them to be suspicious, still you felt uncomfortable with them. It was the feeling like they knew what was happening, they knew what kind of poison rested in your fingertips and they knew that Jimin would change as white went to a slight grey to a pitch black.

“You always have to work when I practice.” Jimin said with a pout and you felt a tinge of guilt though it was quickly replaced with a kind of right feeling, it wasn’t solid, it was shaky and wavy but you felt a little better, you were doing this for him. He would be better off but you were just too weak to pull through with a breakup, everyone indulged in their selfish desire sometimes, it was human nature and human weakness.

You shook your head with a small smile. “It’s because it’s the middle of the day, it’s normal work hours really.” Because it was true, sure you started earlier so you finished earlier which meant you could see them but most of the time their practice and your work overlapped perfectly so you couldn’t be there, it wasn’t something you wanted yet at the same time did, everything about it was conflicting but you decided not to think about it too much.

“Can’t you come after work?” You pondered your answer for a second, technically yes. Did you want that? You didn’t know. It was this constant fight between what was the right thing to do for yourself and what the right thing was to do for Jimin, both of them polar opposites whilst you were walking on a tightrope, balancing the two out no matter how impossible it was. Yet now you were close to falling as the rope thinned even further and your balance took more than a few harsh blows.

“Maybe, I’ll see okay?” You said with a small smile.

“Please do Y/N.”

“Anything for you, Jiminie.”

-8-

In the end you decided to come, you couldn't help yourself as you said a nice goodbye to your co-workers and were headed to your own apartment. Really it was more or less your and Jimin’s apartment, considering he slept there around every night and whenever he had some free time he either spent it with you or at your apartment so it was more a shared place than really your own. At first you didn’t mind, the literal opposite, you welcomed and loved it but with time your vision had changed, at first you hadn’t realised your tainting of Jimin, something you didn’t know about yet but now you did and weren’t as happy about the sharing. Jimin was better off if he stayed with his members, they would always be able to take care better wouldn’t darken him.

“Y/N!” Jimin’s enthusiasm made you realise he really hadn’t expected you, it was both a good thing and a bad thing. The distance was a little better, you wanted to keep a bit of distance from now on, make him realise and recognise your own darkness and remove himself from it instead of getting involved deeper. Yet at the same time you felt bad for being a bad boyfriend, he shouldn’t be so surprised that you decided to come watch him practice because it was basic things you were supposed to be, being together. Because of this you had gotten him a small bouquet along with a plushie you had spotted on your way, something to make it up even though you knew you couldn’t really.

“Jiminie, I finished early so I could both come and I got you something.” You said with a smile. In response the smile that was already on his face only grew as he took both gifts and gave you a kiss.

“You didn’t have to.” He said after the kiss.

You merely shrugged. “Probably should’ve, I mean the last time was more than a month ago.” It was longer, seven weeks and three days if you remembered correctly, seven weeks until you gave into the temptation and human desire. It made you feel weak yet at the same time it was something so human to do.

“You’re busy though.” Jimin responded and you shook your head, he was busy too but somehow still was always able to make time, sometimes it wasn’t much or it was rushed and hurried but he always managed to make some time for you or left sweet notes, small gifts, anything to make you feel loved. You forgot about it sometimes, you always tried and ended up arguing about it with yourself because you should do it and wanted to do it but didn’t want to draw Jimin any closer than he already was, yet it seemed that didn’t matter much because he would do it himself.

“You’re busier, I mean you’ve got a comeback coming and you work a lot harder for everything than I do.” Your job was just an office thing, sitting behind a computer, doing mindless tasks for most of the time whilst you just waited for the day to end. Whenever you and Jimin met up he always came from practice or was heading to practice, sometimes with teachers and sometimes it was just him who wanted to get better at something and would pour endless hours into it so he could get to the level where he wanted to be, you admired him deeply for that.

“Stil, you’ve got a life too.” You laughed and shook your head.

“It’s fine. I’m here to watch you dance though so it’s about time you started.” He grinned.

-8-

Jimin made you happy, Jimin had made you happy in ways you thought were impossible and so many times it was hard to count, he was your sun in every way, even the negatives. It was blinding and sometimes harmful, though you were quite sure it wasn’t as harmful to you as it was to the sun. Jimin was so bright whereas you felt like some kind of darkness that took over the sun, like an eclipse, all light sucked out from such a bright fiery source, it was something that should never happen but you were human.

It was hard to deny yourself all of these things even if you knew it was bad for Jimin, even if you knew you didn't’ deserve all the love and pleasure he was delivering to you for free, it was still hard. Human temptation and desire were able to easily override whatever logic you tried to add to your irrational yet rational decisions.

It didn’t help that you felt like JImin was starting to notice too, he seemed a bit more distant but the frown on his face made you realise he was thinking it was him, like he was doing something wrong as if he could ever do something wrong like that, it made your heart ache even more and your mind felt even more frustrated because you were just too weak to break up, to remove what you didn’t deserve and to make sure he wouldn’t end up with a dark shroud around him either, it was better, for both of you.

The better decision was clear for you but there was some part of yourself that just didn’t allow you to pull through with it, even if you were able to convince yourself it was better for you and Jimin because Jimin deserved so much better and you didn’t deserve a shred of it, it was hard to really do it, to break up with someone you’ve grown so close to because being friends would be all too big of a temptation, it was all or nothing and the latter was extremely hard, it would be like diving headfirst into a black hole, you could expect misery but you could never be too sure.

Frustration only grew as you were unable to do anything and kept staring at your phone until you came up with a ludicrous decision, something so stupid you really shouldn’t do it but it made no sense, and that was why it was the logical thing to do. Convincing yourself fully would be impossible, bets wouldn’t happen and there was nothing else really but to leave it up to chance, it was fair, equal and there was no logic about it that could make you convince yourself otherwise, this was it.

It didn’t take too long to find a coin nor to flip it.

Tails.

-8-

Jimin had been trying to reach Y/N for at least ten times, it was probably more but he fell asleep in the middle of it and ever since waking up it had been ten times. There was a part of him that ached, his heart pounding worse than it had ever done before.

Y/N: I can’t do this

Y/N: I love you Jimin

Y/N: That’s why this is the right thing to do

Y/N: I love you and I’m saying goodbye

Y/N: I’m breaking up with you

Y/N: Take care x

That was yesterday near midnight and ever since Jimin had been trying to reach Y/N but nothing had worked, calls were never responded to, the billions of texts he had send were unread and ignored. Jimin went as far as emails, nothing. Absolutely nothing, he knew Y/N couldn’t avoid it, couldn’t have because he worked behind a screen and had to have opened his email just once and seen the billions that had flooded in from Jimin, was Y/N ignoring him?

It made him angry and frustrated at both himself and Y/N, there was this conflict of who was to blame. Jimin had always tried his best to manage dating him and everything surrounding his work, it had worked, it always did. They had lasted through a small tour when they hadn’t seen each other for two months, it could work and it had worked so Jimin couldn’t remotely grasp why Y/N said he was doing the right thing because it certainly wasn’t breaking up and never responding to him again. It made his heart break, it made him broken and angry at himself that he never thought about this but Y/N too because this was just stupid, plain stupid.

Jimin didn’t know if it was his fault, partially perhaps but never fully. He had always asked Y/N if him being away so much was okay with him and without a doubt he’d always accepted it because he loved seeing Jimin happy and doing what he loved. Jimin had always opened conversations for him to admit if there was something wrong, they were never forced, always open and kind but Y/N never complained, it was so unclear to him. Sure, recently he had been busier but that was all ready, the only thing he felt frustrated at was that he hadn’t noticed before, hadn’t noticed that there was something wrong and hadn’t been able to try and fix it. Jimin didn’t even fully see that as his fault, he tried to but couldn’t, because there was nothing to notice about Y/N, his behaviour was the same as always and nothing had changed. Jimin really tried to blame himself because it was easier than be left with unanswered phone calls and texts but there wasn’t much he could blame himself for when Y/N had always been so accepting of everything that was happening.

Despite this frustration he couldn’t find it in himself to blame Y/N because he had always been hopelessly in love with him, even if he never admitted it himself like that. Since meeting him something was just so appealing, attractive and charming that Jimin wasn’t able to accurately describe it with words so he didn’t and rather showed this through physical love, cuddling, kissing and sex. To Jimin it was the best way to show clear love, it was passionate and transparent compared to words, there was no interpretation especially with the words that accompanied his deeds of love. Jimin had fallen so deep the surface had disappeared, part of him was angry but it wouldn’t have gone any other way even if Jimin knew about what would eventually happen, he was smitten.

It was just disappointing in the end, it saddened him deeply and he was already missing Y/N desperately even though not even twenty-four hours had passed yet, it was strange to fall in love with one human so deeply but Jimin had always liked it, well, up until now.

-8-

Yoongi needed to do something, Jimin had changed after the break-up. He was a lot more timid, sader and often more silent. Whenever they had any kind of appearance it was easy for him to keep up an act that was identical to whom he used to be but Yoongi noticed it was quite draining for the younger to keep going as he napped a lot more than he had ever done really, it made Yoongi angry and sad at once. Sad because Jimin didn’t deserve that misery and angry because he had no idea why Y/N had just left, why he had left because they were so extremely happy together. Jimin cared too much to take any kind of very aggressive action like confrontation but Yoongi was a lot less timid about this issue.

It had genuinely taken him some time to track Y/N down who had seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth, in the end he found a workplace. Y/N had moved across the country to Gwangju for work apparently, that was probably the reason why they hadn’t seen him in the two months it had been since his and Jimin’s breakup, he moved to an entirely different city, it was quite easy to miss and Yoongi still considered it quite a miracle he had been able to find Y/N’s new workplace, even if it was a bit stalker like due to his methods, he needed answers for himself but mostly for Jimin.

Finding Y/N once he had a city turned out to be surprisingly easy as he somehow ended up finding a friend of him and talking to that friend who gave him an adres, Yoongi was happy that the two of them had similar opinions, their breakup had no reason and whilst Y/N friend just wanted an explanation as to why he would stop being with someone he loved, Yoongi needed answers and something better than some weak ass excuse.

And now came the moment everything had been leading up to, Yoongi felt quite confident as he knocked on the apartment door and waited. He heard muffled footsteps and he also knew Y/N lived alone, he would get his answers no matter what.

“Y/N.” Yoongi said, his voice was calm and a little drawn out. He looked surprised, very surprised and it was the response Yoongi was hoping to get.

“Your concept of loving includes leaving someone who needs you? Care to explain that.” Without a doubt he was getting a bit more angry, he wasn’t too emotional but it just made him angry, everything about it. Gritting his teeth as he waited for a response, for a moment he wondered what Jimin would’ve done were their roles in reverse or were Jimin here in general.

Y/N stared at Yoongi for a while as he waited, that was when Yoongi noticed tears were threatening to spill.

“Jimin was the best thing that ever happened to me, literally,” He started to choke up and Yoongi for once decided to remain silent instead of angerly spew, which had been his original idea. “Do you think I like this or something? Do you genuinely believe that?”

“Why did you do it then? If both of you are miserable there’s no reason for you to have broken up with him.” Yoongi said, he had a few ideas as to why but he wasn’t too sure and none of it made too much sense. He knew things weren’t as simple as Yoongi hoped they would be, a happy couple didn’t separate because they were happy.

“Because it’s better, it’s better for Jimin and please, just hear me out. I don’t care if you’re going to shout at me afterwards or really don’t care whatever you do but I just need you to listen now.” Yoongi frowned but nodded.

“I know we were happy, I know he was happy and I was happy but just, do you ever see yourself in a certain way but others don’t? You know like you think you’re annoying but others say you’re not and no matter how many times they say that you can’t process it because how can you not be annoying? With your voice, appearance and whatnot. It’s the same in our relationship, or well, it was the same. I never felt good enough, never felt like I deserved Jimin because he’s perfect, he’s special, he is an utter sweetheart and the best person I have known which is why he needs someone better, someone who is equally as good instead of me.”

Yoongi understood the feeling and whilst the burning fiery rage hadn’t disappeared completely, it had certainly faded from a raging flame to a small ember because it was a feeling he understood too well, something he didn’t like to think about too much, something from his past that he had let go but something that had haunted him for a longer time than he had considered as at the mere mention he felt shivers due to familiarity.

“My idea of loving someone is leaving them, yes. It’s not good, it’s not enjoyable but it’s the best I can do.”

authors’ note // so this was mostly written out of experience with how I have felt, mostly with friends, so it could not make complete sense. also my photoshop is still acting up so maybe sometimes soon i can make good ‘graphic’s to go along with the fics. Also, really this is just all going to be male!readers, mlm or wlw fics.

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bruises and soulmates [ m. yoongi ]

Words // 2.5K

pairings // min yoongi x male!reader

warnings // abuse, blood

summary // Min yoongi always had a soulmate, one that always had a body riddled with bruises that he experienced too, purples that tainted his own skin, gashes that ran across his back. 

Soulmates were something very strange no science phenomenon had been able to explain yet. Soulmates existed, everyone, or most people, had proof of that. They weren’t necessarily perfect for everyone though, most of the time they were simplified to a perfect person to be with but some people changed, their soulmate didn’t and as a result not all matches were created quite equally.

Yoongi had a very clear memory of the first time he realised he had a soulmate, it was strange though for a six year old boy to discover. Soulmates shared pain, that was the very easy explanation but it wasn’t quite true, they didn’t necessarily share a pain stimuli, rather the results of inflicted harm on one of them. It wasn’t really as pretty as the world had made soulmates out to be, they were rare so when people found them it was a triumph story that was celebrated. Most didn’t discover they had a soulmate like Yoongi.

It was like any other day when he had just gotten up, heading into the kitchen for breakfast with his parents when they had noticed a faint purple bruise on his neck. Yoongi hadn’t even seen it himself back then, of course the immediate question was if he had fallen out of bed at night but Yoongi said no because for all he could remember he slept straight through the night without waking up once. The second time was when he returned home, another bruise had formed on his ribs without him even noticing it except for when he got in the shower and called for his mother. She asked him if something had happened, if he had gotten bullied before realising Yoongi had only gone out once that day with his father to the store and he wouldn’t let anything happen to their son. That was when they concluded he must have a soulmate because Yoongi had never bruised like this before in his six years, if he was very sensitive to bruising it would’ve showed when he was learning to walk and kept falling face first into the carpet.

His parents were happy for him but just as concerned because something didn’t feel right, soulmates generally only differed a max of five years in age so either he was soulmates with someone very clumsy or things were happening that they didn’t want to say out loud to Yoongi who had started running around ecstatically after finding out about his soulmate.

That enthusiasm had remained through his life and was still there to date even if it had been almost two decades since he had found out about his soulmate and still hadn’t met them. Yoongi had thought about ways to communicate with them but it meant hurting himself and he didn’t want to do that so he was left helpless.

Even though he was still excited at the thought of meeting his soulmate, that soulmate had gotten him into quite some trouble. During elementary school it was still pretty easy to hide everything nor had things gotten very severe, some minor bruises, he could tell everyone he tripped whilst the teachers knew the truth, some of them believed it, others didn’t but the principal did so it didn’t matter what the teachers thought, he had the final say in everything.

Things changed in middle and high school, his principal then didn’t take too kindly to soulmates. The elder man was a heavy sceptic of them and had sent investigators multiple times to Yoongi’s house, which left his family in a frenzy because they could just make up evidence, no one would bat an eyelash if it happened. It didn’t help his case much that the wounds started to get worse, bruises started to be scattered all across his body and the day he had noticed a deep gash on his back was when his mother had cried all night. Yoongi still wasn’t sure if it was for him, his soulmate or both of them. Yoongi considered him lucky, he had to bear the marks but he imagined the pain was a lot worse compared to some skin that turned purple.

It kept going and going, it was something Yoongi had just gotten used to and he did try his best to cover it, not necessarily because he was ashamed, not nearly as much as he was just scared of sceptics who would blame his parents because even though they didn’t always agree, it had slowly turned into never agreeing, he still loved them and cared about them and they didn’t deserve the blame for something as horrendous as this.

After highschool everything went really quickly, and somehow he had managed to find a wide range of people who all understood him and didn’t think he was genuinely being abused, there would be no logical explanation beside soulmates especially not after he had just debuted, there was no one who would do something like that and if there was Yoongi would’ve said something about it. He did consider himself blessed that everyone in BTS had just accepted it, that the company had just accepted it as he told and generally attempted to make sure it wouldn’t be visible if possible, never had he had such a universally accepting response to his story that some would call bullshit.

Though in terms of physical appearance nothing much had changed, the wounds generally remained the same kind and Yoongi was still too scared to hurt himself in a way that would make contact possible, ever since moving to Seoul it had been harsher, he started to feel it too. It wasn’t nearly as bad as he imagined the actual beating was but sometimes he’d just have sharp pains, aches and small things like that, sometimes in the middle of a performance and sometimes when he was just lying in bed. Yoongi decided he must be closer to his soulmate now, he hadn’t experienced anything like it before he had moved to Seoul and there was nothing else that made sense in his mind, even if the idea was still a little ridiculous.

But his theory was confirmed as their popularity started booming and they had gone to Japan, all of his bruises were more faint, deep lashes from a belt weren’t as deep and weren’t as prominently red as they used to be, some bruises even disappeared over the course of their flight. He didn’t mention it to anybody, he trusted all of his band members with his life but something about his soulmate always made him want to keep it more private, to keep it more to himself instead of share it out in the open, whomever they were they were his soulmate.

The tour passed in almost an eyeblink but there was a small window of freetime that he spend on his own. That was when things changed. Yoongi was just sitting on the couch, playing with his phone when he felt a sharp pain. Over the years he had noticed most of the damage was inflicted at night, it was in the middle of the day now. The pain didn’t feel as sharp as it usually did because it was usually around his torso or back, getting close to his vital organs, now it was in his arm. In response to the pain he let his phone drop and stared up at Seokjin who had turned to look at him after the sudden spasm.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi shrugged, unsure as he rolled up the sleeve of his left arm and noticed the carvings. They weren’t too deep, not for him, but he could imagine that they were probably a bit deeper, bleeding. After a while the pain had stopped and so had the writing, it only took Yoongi a single second to realise what it was, an address.

Yoongi mumbled it out and somehow like Seokjin knew telepathically raced for key cards, gave Yoongi his coat and within seconds they were out the door, for once he forgot about the entire world around him as they cared as fast as they could. The address was at the other side of the city, a less prosperous side just out of the city but near enough not to be far away. There was adrenaline pumping through his veins and he had forgotten about the whole distance thing as he felt the pain in his arm return, it slowly got worse, he started to feel it in his back too, bruised legs that hurt when he moved them. Yoongi just shook his head though, didn’t mention it as Seokjin gave him a suspicious look because this was about his soulmate and it didn’t matter if he had to suffer a little for it.

The house was small and the door was left open, Yoongi leapt out of the car and felt his feet burn as he ran inside and that was when his heart stopped for a moment. The thing with soulmates was that most of the time your personalities fit, something about the two of you made it perfect and some people claimed to feel it, you could just feel how it was different, being with your soulmate compared to being with just someone you decided to date, it worked just as well but often their soulmate just felt different.

Seokjin had come inside and the scene was something like Yoongi didn’t have the power to imagine, nor the sick and twisted mind to imagine. His soulmate was on the ground, his body limp with a pool of blood underneath that had started to soak into his shirt, there was a note on the ground along with a knife. Yoongi felt bad that this was the only way, that his soulmate had to carve something into his skin because he felt like that was the best option to get anyone to come. The world had slowed as Seokjin pushed him aside towards the note whilst he himself went to pick up Yoongi’s soulmate.

I’m Y/N L/N

I guess this is either to whomever found me, maybe my soulmate, maybe my neighbour or some paramedics

I don’t want to die, I’m terrified of dying

This was the only way to at least try and get someone to come I suppose

If you’re the reason I’m alive, thank you x

Yoongi hastily folded the note as he shoved it into his pocket and followed Seokjin into the car, he had used some shirt that was in the car to tie up whatever wound he could whilst Yoongi wordlessly sat down on the backseat next to his soulmate, it was weird. He didn’t want to meet him like this, never had thought it would be in such a dire state like this. Yoongi didn’t want to meet his soulmate like this, with Y/N in a critical condition on the backseat of a car. He wanted to meet his soulmate a situation that was a little less severe.

“Five more minutes.” Yoongi nodded as he started to run his hand through Y/N’s beautiful hair, it felt soft, untouched by everything else that had happened to his body. It was strange really, how part of his body could be completely excluded from the rest, separate from everything that had happened to the rest of his body. From the top to bottom Yoongi started to inspect everything there was, well, all there was that he could see with the blood-drenched clothing sticking to his body. He had never expected his soulmate to look like this because he honestly had never thought about how his soulmate would look but Yoongi understood that feeling now, that feeling that was described by everyone, it was just something different, being this close to his soulmate.

Five more minutes.

-8-

Y/N woke up with a strange light on his eyes, it burnt, it felt bright and stale and was only worse when he opened up his eyes. Eventually the bright pain dulled, his vision adjusted and it became clear as he looked at the sterile white ceiling with the dimmed light and the beeps in his ears, hospital.

A wave of relief rushed over him because he was alive, something he didn’t think would happen. It seemed like there was a weight lifted from his heart, something that had been crushing him endlessly and he was very happy to have it removed, all of it made his mind go in overdrive to the point where he hadn’t even thought about how someone had found him. That was when the entire room appeared in his vision and also the cramped body in the small brown chair.

The boy had a mope of mint hair and his entire body was crumpled and folded into the chair, Y/N wasn’t able to see much as his hair covered most of his face but he seemed quite pale, there was a faint hint of blood on his shoulder. It made Y/N extremely self aware, there was an ache all across his body but he didn’t feel in quite as much pain as he had gotten accustomed to, sure there was a lot of discomfort but that was it. He stared at his left arm, it was wrapped in bandages that added a new weight to his arm but he was quite happy that he didn’t see how it was scarring, it wouldn’t end up being anything pretty and it was more visible than most of his wounds.

Y/N scratched his throat as he attempted to say something but no words were able to come out, though he did notice the mint stranger had shifted, he attempted to make some kind of sound that was loud enough to wake him up and sure enough, it had worked. His head shot up, now Y/N was actually able to see something of his face. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, his eyes wide and a stunning sight.

“Y/N.” His name sounded so strange when he said it, it sounded like he had never heard before but Y/N quite liked it, it felt right. “I’m Yoongi.”

“T-Thanks for saving me Yoongi.” Yoongi, Y/N liked the way it sounded.

“We’re soulmates.”

Y/N smiled. “You wouldn’t have found me otherwise.” Part of Y/N felt disappointed that someone had the same scars as he did, though far mor faded and far less permanent, he felt disappointed that Yoongi must’ve gone through some of his pain too, something that neither of them deserved but was bestowed on both of them.

“I’m sorry-” Y/N was cut off quite harshly.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, it’s fine. I don’t want to hear another word about it honestly, I’ve spent almost two decades not knowing who my soulmate is and now I finally do know it I don’t want to dwell on all the stuff that happened, I want to think about the future. This all might not work out or whatever but we can try.”

Y/N smiled.

“We can certainly try.”

author’s note // aah I don’t have photoshop so I quickly installed gimp and threw that together in three minutes. I’m hoping to get back into writing one-shots more and this blog in general as I’ve been more focused on stories. Most stuff here will be yaoi / mlm or wlm

[apogrcpha-blog]

Move

Ayo suga I remember how we came here three years ago

or

on an extremely dark night in his life, Yoongi meets a dimpled stranger who went as fast as he came and ever since he just can't get him out of his mind.

[apogrcpha-blog]

Of course I would love to be able to write books that are successful enough that I could live off that income, but honestly if I can publish one book that inspires tumblr posts and fanfiction then I will have succeeded. 

[apogrcpha-blog]

idiot [ eruri ]

words;; 687

summary;; It’s Levi’s birthday, there’s a lot of snow outside but Erwin has a perfect back-up plan

a/n;; a day late with this oops

Levi had gotten used to Erwin’s variety of antics whenever both Christmas and his birthday rolled around, Levi himself had never really been very much into either, it was just a day that passed like any other day only the days leading up to it were filled by stress of everyone surrounding him, people who still needed to buy gifts or buy dinner for the entire family they were hosting and of course since people were stressed, they were complaining and tended to do that whether you liked it or not.

This year wasn’t really any different except for the snow that had started to fall, resulting in even more stress than normally. The snow hadn’t fazed Levi, for once everything he had decided to buy he had done quite some time before, thinking the little discounts and busy shops just wasn’t quite worth it and so had everything in their apartment already, wrapped and ready to go, that would’ve been if the snow didn’t block every single road in the city which meant very long apologetic and angry phone calls he definitely accepted but left on speaker as he went about their apartment cleaning without ever really listening for a second or two, he really didn’t care about those amazing gifts that had been bought last second and couldn’t be given now.

Nonetheless Levi was a little suspicious since the start of December for they had decorated a little lackluster, at least compared to usual. Usually it would take Erwin and him a day or two, three at most, since decorating didn’t mean just a massive tree that towered over him, it meant decorating every single piece of furniture and some more but this year they oddly enough stuck mostly to the tree, even that had taken them a day since Erwin had done the courtesy of saving tens of thousands of boxes with varying decorations that they needed to sort through first.

Most of the time it was decorated to the extremes because people were coming over, it was his birthday he was the person supposed to invite people, or because they’d just spend the day with the two of them in their apartment which meant neither was happening but with the turn the weather had taken he had little hopes it would still go as planned.

Nothing special about the start of the day although it was always a little amusing seeing Erwin sleepy since he was adamant about making Levi breakfast but he tended to wake up before 5 am, he was working on it, but it wasn’t going too great. They’d exchange Christmas presents along with the extra set of presents for his birthday which he all ended up adoring especially the new flavour of tea he had been wanting to try for quite some time. In the middle of the day Erwin decided to speak up.

“We were supposed to go out,” He started. “But then this happened.”

“It’s fine.”

In truth he liked the fact that because of the snow Christmas and his birthday had just turned into a day much like the others, spending it with Erwin was good enough especially without anyone else around.

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t have anything else left.” Erwin said dramatically, he took Levi’s hand and lead him to the kitchen which did make Levi curious, ever since the start of the week the cupboard that was empty had suddenly gone off limits, even as much as a glance to it and Erwin would jump out in front of him. “Open it.”

Levi’s hand reached up and he felt a surprising force against the door, once opened it seemed to all hold together for a single second before he was swarmed with candy. He had his cravings every once in a while and they always either didn’t have it or didn’t have enough of the specific thing he wanted which is why when he ended up almost knee deep in candy, chocolate and everything else sweet he turned to Erwin.

He smiled. “You idiot.”

“Sometimes,” Erwin grinned. “But I’m exclusively your idiot.”

[apogrcpha-blog]

cute cat [ s. reid ]

Words; 547

summary; spencer is a little panicky, you’ve found a way to calm him down

a/n; just something short and fluffy to get back into writing x readers

Seeing Spencer anxious wasn’t exactly something you weren’t accustomed to, whilst he was rather good at hiding it most of the time, sometimes it was just too much and the panic was clear across his face, every single of his movements was strained and the more he attempted to hide his anxiety the worse it seemed to get, it hadn’t taken very long for you to notice that.

“Are you okay spence?” You asked which at least stopped the fanatic pacing around the apartment you two shared. There was a thin layer of sweat on his forehead and his palms only seemed worse.

“Not exactly.” He mumbled in response, to which you gave the simple response of patting the empty seat on the sofa, there was a hesitation before he did as you told him and he sat down on the couch next to you. You reached out and took his hands with a rather firm grasp, feeling the moist on your own hands now. And you just waited, you knew forcing meant more anxiety so you waited patiently until he looked you in the eye, you smiled.

“Now, you need to listen carefully,” He nodded. “Picture yourself as a cat. Are you fluffy, hairless, big, small? What color are you? Well, no matter how you are, I got news buddy, all cats are cute. You’re cute. Your flaws are cute. Your personality is cute. Your mistakes? You guessed it, cute. Now, you wouldn’t treat a cat badly, right? You’d feed it, love it, support it, right? …‘cause if you wouldn’t then I’d whoop your ass, so you better love yourself no matter what, cutie.”

It was clear the message overwhelmed him a little, during the process you saw confusion turn into something close to joy and at one point he was thinking rather hard, you imagined he was trying to come up with the most vivid image he could possibly think off, in the end he seemed exhausted but not because of the anxiety.

“You can be very.. Weird, in the best ways possible Y/N.” You merely chuckled as you let go of his hands.

“It’s my specialty.” You replied.

“How’d you come up with this?” He asked as the two of you just remained like that, it seemed the source of stress had completely disappeared as he now seemed completely engrossed in your odd technique to battle his anxiety. You shrugged, you’d read about it a little, things to do against anxiety.

“Guessed you needed more than a little breathing help, so I tried to come up with something more vivid that would actually require your brain to do some work, I think it worked pretty well.” The grin still lingered as you noticed he seemed rather amazed at the idea, it wasn’t too hard to think of something that would have to make his mind work, visualisation was easy to some people but if you wanted something real it would require effort, coupled with something cute seemed to be the perfect recipe.

“I don’t know how you did it but it definitely worked.”

“My special magic.” After the two of you went on to clean up after the storm that had ravaged the apartment, his source of anxiety seemed to have completely disappeared.