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[asmalltownmama]

The Puppy

So, if you’ve been a follower for a while, you know that my son has moderate autism. he was diagnosed at 3 years old and he is now almost 5! (I can’t believe I just said that! Haha) and for the most part, he is still non-verbal. He mimics shows that he likes, and tells me no, or gives me words of the food he wants, but that is about it for now. (He’s talking more and more all the time though and…

[asmalltownmama]

Update on my new side hustle

So, in my last post, I asked you all to help me pick a name for my dog grooming side hustle. And for those of you that answered that call, I thank you! But, I completely went off the course of what I had picked, and it’s now called Bare Paws Grooming. I liked the play on words so I ran with it! I had my first client, and as I explained, the grooming takes place in the back hatch of my suv.…

[asmalltownmama]

Update on my new side hustle

So, in my last post, I asked you all to help me pick a name for my dog grooming side hustle. And for those of you that answered that call, I thank you! But, I completely went off the course of what I had picked, and it’s now called Bare Paws Grooming. I liked the play on words so I ran with it! I had my first client, and as I explained, the grooming takes place in the back hatch of my suv.…

[asmalltownmama]

Something a bit different today: I need your opinions!

So not many people know this, but I was a dog groomer for a while when I was fresh out of high school! I shadowed and assisted my local groomer for about a year or so and I loved it! It was challenging but I loved doing it. After I stopped shadowing, I still groomed occasionally on the side for anyone that asked. I quit once I had my son of course because I didn’t have the time anymore since I…

[asmalltownmama]

Vessel

I’m sorry What I mean to say is, I’m sorry for you I’m sorry this view you have of me is but a gleam For the depths of my being is far deeper than eyes can reach Like cracks in a mirror, distortion still seems clear But I am far more than my looks This body is a vessel in which I veer Left and right between loving days and shitty nights Picking up the pieces of my soul waiting for the…

[asmalltownmama]

I thought…

I thought it was love, ‘cause he knew my name Said I was pretty, I guess I’m to blame. He gave me attention that I always craved Sixteen, naive My innocence taken away. Baited me in with lies and said we’d be ok. That little girl, a trauma filled teen Became a women trapped in this man’s greed I though I’d be happy, I thought he could change But he took what little joy I had…

[asmalltownmama]

Relax, it’s that simple…right?

In the dictionary of my brain The space beneath the word relaxation, is blank The meaning of this word is foreign to me For I have never been able to understand the feeling. When told to relax, I don’t know how Apparently this concept should be easy and simple But how can you feel a feeling that has never been felt? Instead I have found a word that I can grasp. It is tangible in my…

[asmalltownmama]

I’ve been absent for a while. Story time.

This is a bit different than my “normal” stuff, but I wanted to post a little life update for anyone who cares to read it. Judging by my poetry I’m sure you’ve gathered that my relationship has been rocky at best. Well I’m going to share a bit about the recent goings on so you can get an understanding as to why I haven’t been around. I recently started speaking to a therapist because of my…

[asmalltownmama]

Déjà vu

I have Deja vu often Seeing moments in the present that I have already “seen”. It isn’t just coincidence either These “relived” moments are exact replicas of time Down to the slightest movement or sound. When it hits me, I tend to pause It feels almost out-of-body, yet incredibly vivid. This phenomenon has been explained in different ways to me, A coincidence A sign that you’re where you…

[asmalltownmama]

Savior

I am not looking for someone to save me. No I don’t need that. What I am looking for, Is someone to sit with me while I heal. Someone to make me laugh Someone to show me kindness and grace while I take time to heal… if I can figure out how. I don’t need a savior, I need someone I can trust with my being, as I traverse the unknown.

[asmalltownmama]

Allowed

I allowed myself to feel comfort And I cried. I cried in a way that I don’t understand But I allowed myself to feel it. The comforting warmth of my son sleeping next to me, cozy in his blankets, his favorite stuffed seal in his hands I felt my body try to relax the tiniest bit, A wave of overwhelm took me by surprise And it made me realize once again, That I don’t know what comfort truly…

[asmalltownmama]

Our future

It all starts with ten tiny toes And ten tiny fingers That turn into the hands that hold the world And the feet that carry it into the future.

[asmalltownmama]

My birthday

February 21st. I woke up this morning another year older. I turned 28 this morning, officially, at 8:15am. Thankfully I was still asleep! My kids have been sick and my 1 1/2 year old hasn’t let me sleep for two nights in a row. She was crying every 10 minutes or so from 12:30am to 7am both nights. I said my birthday wish was going to be that I got to sleep in increments of at least an hour, and…

[asmalltownmama]

Saying you love me

Saying you love me, is like rubbing salt into the wounds you refuse to see. The invisible gouges that you won’t acknowledge or take responsibility for, have become scars I will bear for years to come. When love given freely turned to pleas, Becoming new stabs to my heart that you will never feel, in any capacity. Saying you’d do anything for me, that you’d die for me, I feel the words and…

[asmalltownmama]

How many lives

I had this thought tonight, How many lives must we have to get it right? How many battles must we lose How many wounds must we lick How many hours must we waste How many days must go by? How many tears must fall How many times must we lose it all How many times must we try How many will we fail How many loves pass us by How many lives must we survive, just to live?

[asmalltownmama]

Passing by strangers

I find myself passing by strangers, waving at the children before the adults Not because I have kids of my own now But because I know what it felt like to be out of sight To be out of mind To feel alone in a crowded room So I smile and acknowledge them first, to let them know I see you. I do the same when I see animals I give a smile, and a slow blink To let them know that they are safe,…

[asmalltownmama]

I leave

I leave the clothes at the foot of the bed Neatly folded and stacked The closet doors are too loud in the mornings next to the baby’s crib. So I keep your clothes at the foot of the bed. I keep them neatly folded and stacked That way they are easy to grab when you’re in a hurry But also because I don’t know what to do. I hang up your shirts, fold your pants and roll your socks I put them…