bitemefightme

[bitemefightme]

Happy new year. Don't let objectively wrong people kill you. They don't deserve a W.

[bitemefightme]

This post contains stuff that some people might not like. If you are not into omorashi or anything involving pee just move along. Thank you.

So I had a dream that I thought people in the omorashi community might like and who am I to withhold things like this.

Anyways so you know those extreme haunted houses where they make you sign a waiver because they don't want to get sued? So the main premise follows something kinda like that. Where you sign a waiver and then you have to drink a bunch of water and wait for 30min. once they're pretty sure you have to pee they send you into a haunted house where the actors have been given permission to do whatever they want to try and make you wet yourself. With everything from jump scaring you to pinning you down and pushing on your bladder and tickling you. There could even be a room themed around psychological bladder torture where they lock you down to a table and play water sounds or something. And the whole house is like some kind of maze and it could take you hours to find your way out. And at the end if you make it out dry they give you some kind of cash prize. And even if you somehow make it to the end there's no guarantee that you'll get to pee in the bathroom because they only have one single stall bathroom and the line is really long and of course everyone who is in line has either just finished their challenge so they're desperate to go or are waiting to change out of their wet clothes. Maybe some of the people were just hired to stand in line and make the wait longer? Either way, they're going to make you wait a while longer to be able to empty that bladder or to get out of your soggy clothes.

[bitemefightme]

I'm too deep into the crystal girly/witch lifestyle videos. I almost just googled "crystals that help autism" please put me out of my misery

[bitemefightme]

Getting a bit sick of all the "ooh I'm so glad Laios has a soft body!" "Laios is built like an average guy" style posts. Because he doesn't and isn't.

Laios is built like a fucking professional wrestler. He isn't like, super chiseled or anything but he does not have an "average" body, he his built like someone who does a LOT of physical effort and training.

[bitemefightme]

Thanksgiving is finally over and all of my family is gone so now I get to finally sit in bed with 6 inches of pink silicone pushed deep inside of me while I scroll through all the pervy posts I saved and rub my little bean until I make a mess of the sheets.

[bitemefightme]

Being undiagnosed autistic is weird because in high school I would have meltdowns and me, my parents, and my youth leader all just thought I was having anxiety attacks or just being dramatic but now that I know I'm autistic I still have meltdowns but I know what they are.

[bitemefightme]

I work in a school. Here are a few highlights so far and how I'd rate them.

-Had a meltdown and the principal tried to pull me out of it by threatening my job. 2/10. Only reason it's not a 0 is because he apologized.

-Had a second grader ask if the first phone ever was a flip phone and then run off before I could answer. 3/10. Made me feel old.

-A kindergartner jumped off the monkey bars and landed on his face. 6/10. He was fine so it was funny.

-Had a coworker tell me I should get my conceal carry license and then BRING THE GUN TO SCHOOL??? 1/10. Extra point because she's just worried about me.

-Have had several kids of multiple ages say 'watch this' and then promptly eat shit while trying to do "parcore". 9/10. Is almost always funny.

-Got asked to remove an injured bird from the playground. 5/10. I love animals but handling wild life is not a part of my job description.

-I keep having to tell all the siblings that they CAN'T BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER WHILE AT SCHOOL?! 1/10. It's a little funny but PLEASE STOP???

-Had to clean barf off the boys bathroom door. 0/10. I hate doing this.

-HAD A PARENT SPOT ME WHILE I WAS BROWSING THE R-RATED SECTION AT BARNS AND NOBLES... 💀/10. please kill me (I don't think they know that's what I was looking at)

[bitemefightme]

Hey quick question. What's the point of living if I can't afford to live? Serious answers only please. Thank you.

[bitemefightme]

The world is burning down around me and I'm just here to make s'mores.

[bitemefightme]

Just heard a man say "if guns kill people then a fork made me fat🙄✋" and I can't even formulate how much I felt that in my bones.

[bitemefightme]

Y'all the brain rot was hitting different today. I saw "ACAB" written on the back of someone's shirt and my mind just goes 'assigned cop at birth' and now I think I need to find somewhere to lay down and pass away

[bitemefightme]

If you were a solar eclipse, I would risk my vision just to gaze in awe at your ethereal beauty.

[bitemefightme]

Had today off and I spent the whole day sleeping. It was the most wonderful thing I've ever done.

[bitemefightme]

*whispers* you can make cookies with boxed cake mix. You just need to add an extra cup of flower, an egg, and enough milk or water to get it to a dough like consistency. Scoop dough balls onto a cookie sheet and bake at 300° f for 15 minutes. (You can add things like chocolate chips or nuts before adding wet ingredients to make your cookies extra special)

[bitemefightme]

No, I'm not scared to have sex because I'm a virgin. I'm scared to have sex because I'm going to get nervous and start randomly spouting biology and weird sex facts and ruin the mood.

Catch me mid fuck while I tell you about weird erogenous zones and how your kinks could be hereditary.

Gonna be getting dicked down while I mumble about how the clitoris would have developed into a penis if the chromosones had just hit different.

[bitemefightme]

Fucking hate my job. I just got told that the 10 extra hours I just worked this week might not go into my paycheck??? Is that even fucking legal? And they wonder why I would be looking for a different job.

(update: I've been told that "only" 3 of the extra hours I worked will not be paid for. Like, ok as if that makes me feel any better.)

[bitemefightme]

You know what? Fuck it! I'm going to date my best friend so she stops picking red flags!