boiboiham

[boiboiham]

Big sad, listen up

so ive decided to use this blog as my personal venting ground/diary- hope y'all enjoy

And anyways: the news about my ex was worse than I thought; it wasnt that they where in a poly relashionship with two other peeps, it was more like, they where only in a relashionship with one of the people, and they where chill with their partner having two partners. I support those types of relashionships and always will, its just that...They literally told me they wanted an "100% commited" relashionship when I asked about what was basically fwb's but with boundaries and consent that are discussed between us. And yet theyre chill with their new partner having a partner...? does their thing fit their standards of "commited" while my thing doesnt? I don't know...

Another anecdote: they played gartic on our shared discord server ,and I miss playing gartic... Im really happy theyre enjoying themselves but yeah...I wish I was there too. Im making myself scarce right now, for their sake but by the end of this week, I will [very gently] ask if they would like to talk again. From my perspective, I just want the uncomfy silence to be over and for us to sort things out, Ill tell them my hurts and theyll tell me mine. We will come out of the conversation with a better understanding of one amother and form a friendship. Or more like, resurrect our friendship that has gone doormant ever since I asked them to be my QPP. Im grateful to have that base of first being friends, itll make the transition of going back to that a lot easier. I really do care about them and wanna be friends again, plus also try be less 'tied' to them in the friend group. As I really want to work on not just going into voice chat because theyre going, for example. And also someday, Ill go to their wedding I hope. I have gotten used to the idea of them seeing someone else, its only the poly situation throwing me off. I want them to be happy and to possibly be there for some of their big moments.

[boiboiham]

Is my liking for tickling kink or no??

I seriously cant tell- like I know its definitely non sexual but like, non sexual kinks exist. But also, people who define themselves as having an sfw interest in tickling with no connections to kink also exist.

So yea, idk. Does me wanting to engage in it with friends as well as future partners make it an sfw interest?? Is it just a matter of prefference of labels? Im leaning slightly more towards calling it a kink. It would be cool to hear how others label their whole liking tickling thing, if this post reaches anyone

[boiboiham]

A "fantabulous" update in the wonderful world of me...

On our shared discord server me and my ex where on, I got the news that they are now in a polycule with two people in our friend group. And im just like, wtf??? I thought you where monogamous?? Why them? And why in our friend group? I wouldnt dream of partnering up with anyone in our friend group out of respect for them...

We are no contact for now, so I cant ask them about it yet, but I will. My leading theory is that we both want different types of nonmonogamy? Like, I know for a fact that I only want one singular partner who is allowed do go do things with fwb's [with rules and boundaries in place for both of us, ofc]. I want a singular someone who I can feel compersion about, who can also feel compersion for me in return. Perhaps theyre open to a "closed" poly format?? I dunno, maybe, it would make me feel a lot better about this whole thing, if that was the case.

[boiboiham]

Yo! I didnt know someone could put my feelings into words so eloquently

Imagine that board gaming is a very important and valuable interest to you. It's integral to the way you express yourself and share important moments with people you care about.

You meet a partner who's your dream person, but they only want you to play board games with them. It would be a deep breach of trust for them to find out that you've played a game with someone else. You enter the relationship, thinking "I love this person dearly. Board games with other people are something I can give up to keep them around."

Over time, you find a bunch of different two-player games and land on a few that you really enjoy. You start to play those games more often. Chess, checkers, UNO, mancala, reversi, pick your poison. Eventually it becomes a routine.

But there are only so many two-player games, let alone ones you haven't tried already. You start to realize that different people have different play styles that you'll never get to try your hand against. Your attention is drawn to three-, four-, even many-player games that you're missing out on. You're curious about Wingspan, Pandemic, Catan. You want to try games like UNO with more than just one other person and see what effect the Reverse card should actually have. Meanwhile, you and your partner continue to play the same three or four games, only occasionally trying something new. It feels…unsatisfying.

So you ask your partner if maybe you could try playing chess with another friend who you think might pose a challenge and offer a different perspective…and they're hurt by this suggestion. "Is playing with me not enough for you anymore? Am I not enough for you anymore?" You realize they're not going to budge, and you grow frustrated, or even resentful, that such an important part of your life has to be locked down for you if you want to keep this person you love.

A lot of people are perfectly content playing board games with just one person. But out of those who aren't, some resort to playing games with others in secret, especially if losing the relationship will create undue hardship (housing, finances, etc). Others leave their partners, amicably or…otherwise. Others still, arguably MOST, simply consider their need for other board games to be a personal flaw, convince themselves that they're being selfish, and continue to let the resentment grow.

Congratulations, you now understand what monogamy feels like to a non-monogamous/polyamorous person.

[boiboiham]

I broke up with my qpp...

I broke up with my qpp and the worst part is honestly that they where amazing. Like yes, we had a few bad moments, some missed communication but.. In The penultimate important comversation I had with them, they apologised for that, they explained everything in such a way that it was clear to me that their heart was always in the right place. Later on, I even found out that I have things to improve on too; he pointed out how I never told them I was feeling insecure and sad when they first started acting distant. And honestly, If I could put our bad moments and our good moments on a scale, the good moments would tip the scales by far. Like, the point is weve had oodels and oodles of good moments, plus ive always felt safe around him.

I still broke up though...For something that wasnt even their fault, it was just this silly part of myself :/

I was born with it, i think. It has been logical and natural to me since I was a kid. Like, when my dad told me about a man from our church who slept with multiple women, instead of asking something like "Why would he do that?" I asked "Did his wife consent to him doing that?". I never saw ethical nonmonogamy as a part of me before, I didnt even know the name for it until really recently. I didnt even think I had anything to be ethically nonmonogamous about, honestly. So I never told my partner until recently. And even then, I didnt say it was my identity, it was more like, I was coming out as something else, and I requested ethical nonmonogamy to go along woth it, because ethical nonmonogamy makes sense to me and makes me feel safe.

They where fine with the thing I came out about, which mind you, was this really huge bombshell that Im very sure they didnt expect from me, someone they always saw as "more innocent" than then. Im so thankful they where chill about that, at least. However.. They where sad about the ENM suggestion, at the fact thar i may "need" people in that way, that I cant just be commited to them. I never corrected them on the commitment thing, I thought it best to validate their feelings. I understood their feelings intelectually but not on a personal level, which later on, I took more as a sign that Im an ethical nonmonogamist [is that an official term for people like me, btw? Idk]. Like...I never expected them to react that way but basically I reassured them they will always be enough, I only "need" others for the freedom to explore and all that, we would create rules and boundaries around em, to protexct our bond. They still werent willing to try nonmonogamy though, they said a lot of cheating went on in their past relashionships. They just couldnt be comfortable in the relashionship configuration I was suggesting. So I was true to myself and broke things off. All because of this one aspect of my identity that isnt even benefitial to me. The only thing it has done for me so far is cause a breakup :/

Also thanks for reading my waffle lol, its pretty late at night

[boiboiham]

I wish obsessively that you will make me giggle someday… No, not with your silly puns or dad jokes, though I love those almost as much. It's… I want to anticipate something great that will put my nerves on end, I want to squirm beneath you, I want you to tease me about how much I squirm. I want you to trace my tummy lovingly. And my ribs. Perhaps my feet. I want to find out how I react to it. I have an undying curiousity that has been burning away for months. I see your fingers in the videocall screen and almost blush sometimes. I want…I want you to do something to me that I can barely say the word of. I'd like to have cute playful fights with you like that netflix couple we like so much. I feel like a freak for wanting something like this so bad. And I'm sorry about that. And its completely ok If you wouldn't like to do these things with me, I mean, you do so much for me already.

Forever yours, someone who wishes really hard to be your lee as well as your QPP

[boiboiham]

My parner has expressed the urge to steal my hoodies and it makes me really happy vjsndnksnsm

Im curious, does anyone else's qpr have a designated hoodie stealer?

[boiboiham]

I love my qpp so fucking much holy heck

Im actually crying a bit right now cause...Im just so grateful for them. And for the fact that I have a 'someone'. Like what the fuck? Why? How? This used to be something in my imagination...a purely hypothetical thing. A 'somebody' who understood me and loved me who I could understand and love back. And now theyre real...? What the actual fuck?

[boiboiham]

This episode of bluey is called: I finally told my qpp that I like t!ckling

And im feeling somewhat bittersweet about it. On one hand, they accept me and dont love me any less, yay! It was the most important thing for me. On the other hand, they arent interested. Which is ok, Im glad they were honest and that they dont feel pressured into anything. But also...Im not sure if I explained myself completely to them. What happenend was me coming to them for comfort [we are long distance through discord, so this translates to asking for a hug and them replying with hug gifs]. And of course, they also asked what was wrong. I told them about the massive thought baby in my brain and how it was hard to tell them and stuff. They reassured me a lot that they would love me no matter what I said and so then...It took me three attempts to tell them. The first time I made it kind of like a riddle; "An activity I like thats pretty normal but weird to like". The second was: "I can't even say the word of this activity cause it feels weird" [adding a ! to it makes it less weird tho lol]. And so the thrird time, I went right in for the kill: I think being t!ckled is fun, I wanted to let you know, Im open to doing it with u but only if u want blablablabla, etc. The parts I left out were that I primarily want to be on the recieving end of the interaction [yes, lee here ><] and that I get into moods sometimes where I really want it and that I quench my thirst with tumblr.

The way they responded was with their own experiences with the activity, and how they found being t!ckled way too overwhelming. They were happy I told them but sad about being unsure about doing the activity with me. I made it clear that it was ok for them not to like it and that I didnt want to pressure them, and that was that. I was somewhat stupid...I didnt say that I was more interested in being on the recieving end cause uhhh embarassing. Maybe if I specified they mightve said something different? But also, they mentioned that they like their personal space so perhaps not. Either way, im a tiny bit unsatisfied that they dont know all the details entirely, but its something I dont mind shoving into the brain closet for a year or two before bringing up the topic again.

The last thing is uhh; thank you to the people who heard my first rambling, and especially that one person who gave advice and stuff, you helped me feel less alone ^^

[boiboiham]

This episode of bluey is called: How within the entire universe of fuck do I tell my qpp that I like t!ckling??

Seriously....Can someone help? Ive been keeping in this secret of mine for not even a year [thats when I found the community] and I already want to spill it to people outside of it. I was so fucking close to telling a friend, since I vented about them about how I have this thing I wanna tell my qpp but cant. They asked me what the thing was and I-

Yeah...I feel like I should shove my want to come out deep down. No one needs to know about it. They would think that I'm a creep. And yet for some reason part of me still wants to?? And I keep fantasizing about everyone else finding out by accident, id honestly prefer it that way? Because coming out about it just feels weird. But... Ive been wanting to tell my qpp for months, how do I make it completely clear that I just like it as a cute friendly activity and also that I simply want to tell them? that I dont want to pressure them to t!ckle me if they dont want to?

[boiboiham]

tHIS SHIT'S ADORABLE, good job :']

Pillow Fort Tickles

(Hi! This is my first tickle fic, so if it like sucks then my bad fellas. Anywho, enjoy!)

Ler: Kinger Lee: Pomni

Today’s adventure had been a disaster. Long story short, Caine had unleashed some absolutely horrific critter into the circus, leaving all of it’s occupants in quite a difficult situation. Ragatha, Gangle, and Jax were hurt, Pomni was shaken up, and Zooble had fucked off somewhere else. Kinger was (surprisingly) the only one left in even a slightly good mental state as he had hidden in his “fortress”.

After what seemed like a good hour or two (to Kinger atleast) after the adventure, he heard a light knock on the pillow that was placed where a door would be. Kinger moved it slightly out of the way and peeked his head out, only to be met with the eyes of Pomni.

“Oh! Pomni! How can I assist you?” He asked, slightly tilting his head to the side.

Pomni looked down, “I was just- uh- wondering if I could- umm..- come in.?” She pointed at the fort.

“Why of course!” Kinger slightly moved aside to make room for her to enter.

The fort was surprisingly spacious on the inside, with a corner dedicated to a few bug enclosures to another corner, visibly comfier than the rest, that Pomni could only assume was meant for resting. Eventually, Kinger’s voice snapped her out of her deep thought.

“Would you like to hear about my bug collection??”

Pomni nodded, watched him pull out a few bugs from seemingly nowhere and then begin his infodump. One thing that Pomni didn’t notice, however, was the bug slowly making it’s way to her side. Kinger, on the other hand, did notice and quickly scooped the bug up, accidentally grazing his hand over Pomni’s middle, making her squeak. He immediately paused and looked up at her.

“What was that??”

Pomni’s face was quickly turning a bright red.

“N-nothing!”

Kinger, didn’t believe a word of that. He repeated his action just to test it. Once again, Pomni squeaked.

“Don’t do that!” Pomni’s face grew redder with each passing second.

“Are you ticklish?”

Pomni didn’t respond. That was enough of an answer for Kinger. He put down his bugs and poked her a few times, making her choke down a giggle or two. She reached out to attempt to stop Kinger and grab his hands, which made Kinger simply push her hands out of the way and continue his attack.

After a few minutes, he decided to up his game. Going from pokes to soft tickles on her stomach. Pomni’s giggles finally started to pour out. She covered her mouth to muffle the noise. Kinger paused for a moment to move her hand before immediately going back to business.

“Don’t silence yourself! I want to hear your laughter!” He playfully scolded.

Eventually though, Pomni was able to regain her control and hold back her giggles.

In order to break the barrier, Kinger began to scribble at her ribs. This provoked a shriek from the poor, little jester.

“WAHAIT!! KIHIHINGERR!!! NAHAHAHAAOO!!”

The chess piece giggled at her as he continued his onslaught for a few seconds longer before letting up and taking his hands away.

“Are you okay??”

Pomni was a tired, giggly mess.

“Mhmmm!!..”

Kinger gently picked her up, took her over to the comfy corner that Pomni had seen earlier, and gently placed her down. She yawned and softly rubbed her eyes, clearly exhausted. Kinger sat down next to her and simply watched. After a few long minutes, she succumbed to her weariness and fell asleep. Kinger sighed.

“Queenie would’ve adored you.”

[boiboiham]

Getting a shit-ton of lee thoughts at 1 am, semd help :']

[boiboiham]

reblog if you want someone to tickle you until you’re red in the face and limp and so deliriously happy with giggles that you can’t even look at your ler

[boiboiham]

That feel when you're in such a lee mood that you attempt to tickle yourself...