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[boopyboop11]

[boopyboop11]

I never thought we would end like this. The thought never brushed my mind that one day you could forget about me like this. I never thought the intense love we had would ever go away. I couldn’t see my future without your hand in mine. I couldn’t see anyone else’s body next to me every night. I couldn’t imagine living my life completely void of you.

Never would I have thought that I would scream and cry and yell your name countless nights. Never once did I think you could bring me so many rivers of tears. I never thought those pictures of us would be cried over and ripped apart.

We had so much love in the beginning. We were perfectly falling for each other, I caught you and you caught me. But I kept falling and you stood up. You watched me fall and I watched the love leave your eyes. I watched you fall out of love with me every single day without a clue what I had done wrong.

I still don’t know what I did wrong. Maybe I loved you too hard? Maybe I suffocated you by how much you meant to me? I guess I’ll never really know. But god, I never expected us to end like this. I never thought in a million years you could just walk away like that. Because you did, you walked away as if I never meant anything to you.

You walked away from me, from us, as if all of our love, all of our time together was nothing. Like letting go of me was as easy as a flower blowing in the wind.

And the words you said stay on repeat in my head. All those words, all those promises. They’re gone. Were they ever true? Did you ever actually mean the words you said? Or were they all part of the plan that ended with you walking away from me like I was a stone on the ground?

It didn’t break me when you left. Because you had slowly, piece by piece, shattered by heart along the way.

We’re over now. Nothing more than strangers. But next time you look at me, and I look at you, and we’re two different people. I hope you remember what you lost. I hope you remember everything I did for us. And I hope a part of you regrets that you let it end.

One day, you won’t cause me pain. One day, I’ll be free of you.

[boopyboop11]

Healing Slowly

I don’t know where to start,

I tell myself everyday “it gets better,” 

But does it really?

I don’t know,

I find myself being okay sometimes,

But sometimes I must confess,

I guess I hit rock bottom,

I think I hit rock bottom,

But who knows if that’s rock bottom.

I may have episodes of sadness,

I may think that I’ll never be okay,

But I know someday soon,

I will be okay,

I’ll look back and say,

“Better days ahead and that’s for sure, look what you’ve gone through.”

[boopyboop11]

lyrics poetry prompt:

“I can’t say hello to you and risk another goodbye.”

[boopyboop11]

this is what i needed to see & read💚💚

“You thought you were in love back then, didn’t you? You thought it was you and him against the rest, convinced that no one could stop you. And by now, you feel like the whole word is making jokes at your expense. It’s because they’ve all made the same mistake as you. They know what you’re going through, because in the end you went back to what was familiar, to what felt oddly comforting, in a world that frequently changes. We’ve all been there. You chose what you knew over what could’ve been a fresh start. Something old over something new. So there you are. Back inside that vicious circle that you can’t escape from, no matter how hard you try - or is this what you’re telling yourself? Because at this point I’m starting to wonder: are you even trying at all? Do you sit up in his bed in the morning and wonder if it would’ve been so bad to fall asleep without his arm curled over your stomach? Do you catch yourself tracing the outlines of his hand on top of yours or do you keep your fingers pressed together to stop yourself from doing so? Do you still hold on to the rare moments that make you think this was a good idea instead of looking at the ones that are screaming at you that it’s not? Can I be honest with you for a second, like you can only really be with yourself? If it were right for you, if it were good, wouldn’t you be happy? Wouldn’t you feel like you didn’t have to be trying at all? Try to get away. For real. For once. If you feel lost, if you feel sad, if you feel so out of place that it hurts, try and go back once more. And pay attention. At night, his arm draped over your body will feel like a prison. His hand on top of yours will only be there to stop you from waving him goodbye. The bad moments will become so clear, you won’t understand how you could ever look past them. Something new will always be scary. Something you’re not used to will always feel a little uncomfortable in the beginning. But once you’ve set yourself free, you’ll understand it’s what you were always meant to do. And the familiar will be like an old skin you shed, an old you that you grew out of.”

— the familiar / n.j.

[boopyboop11]

😌😞

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how do you even deal with a broken heart. 😩

[boopyboop11]

Chikamatsu Monzaemon, from “The Love Suicides at Sozenaki,” featured in “The Penguin Book of Japanese Literature,”

[boopyboop11]

shit hurts, and i wish i could turn back time & not meet you at all.

please be safe

[boopyboop11]

Should’ve left.

I should have left the first time, I shouldn’t have listened to what my heart was saying. Every single time I listen to this thing called “heart,” I always end up getting hurt. After a couple of times being in this hole, I decided to do something that was not advisable, to ghost someone, I thought about it, THOUGHT, about it, but didn’t go through with it. I thought “why?,” am I this kind of person? Someone who’d rather choose the easier path than to overcome the rough path? yeah, that’s what I thought. Such a martyr. I had to have a lot of courage to tell the person whom I was supposed to leave what I was planning to do. That took me a lot of time to think, to swallow my pride. Days past, and I was in complete shock of what I have discovered, that what I tried to let myself believed in was a lie, and was unexpectedly TRUE. Yup, that took everything that I was holding onto. I was in complete shock, I didn’t want to believe it, but having to read what I hoped was not true? that got me soooo good, yup, wanted to cry, wanted to lash out, but nope, not even a single tear. Looking back at it, I just wanted him to prove them wrong, or even for him to TRY harder, to make it up to me, but nope, HE LEFT. I was supposed to be the one who GAVE UP, but nah. Then I realized, I do get tired, but I never give up, and that’s our difference. You may think that you’re the stronger one for having the courage to end things, just because I wasn’t feeling my worth anymore, but you did this upon me, and instead of helping me get back what I lost, you left; you left me still wondering how in the hell did I lose my “worth” so, kuddos to you for breaking a once broken heart.

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“Maybe when we die, the first thing we’ll say is, ‘I know this feeling. I was here before.’” - Don DeLillo, White Noise

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yea... 

interesting fact about me is that I have a great memory but I also have a shit memory

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I guess I was born late, not the right time for me.

Take us back to the days when it was imperative to send love letters in cursive and romance was still flowing with life through passionate veins.

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and it sucks that you have to put another wound on top of that scar just because you can’t see it.

Invisible scars are valid.

[boopyboop11]

Don’t

Don’t try to save someone, I used to think people could be saved, But they can’t, They only get worse at that point, Never better, If there’s someone that you should save, It’s yourself, Save yourself, Before it turns into you who needs the “saving,” Believe me, I tried to save someone and it got me in this position, Now I’m the one who needs saving, Could I still be saved?  I don’t know,  Only myself and time can tell.