borderlineghost - Tumblr blog

[borderlineghost]

I really am the fucking worst

[borderlineghost]

i hate having BPD when i'm upset it feels like my heart is legit getting stabbed 1000 times, it is not fun at all. I'm upset cos i'm jealous of a situation that isn't even real that i just made up in my head i hate myself

[borderlineghost]

fuck texting, put your cigarettes out on me

[borderlineghost]

[borderlineghost]

[borderlineghost]

Unconditional loyalty does not exist to non BPD people. They leave. We stay no matter what.

[borderlineghost]

is anyone else like....... exhausted? just way too tired? mentally and physically? and you look at other people your age who seem to be doing fine and you feel so dysfunctional and broken because normal adult tasks and responsibilities just feel way too overwhelming and you can’t cope and

[borderlineghost]

Convince me I’m worth more than my last cut…

I dare you

[borderlineghost]

Bad? No, I’m not getting bad “again”. This isn’t something “temporary”. This is the state I’ve been in for a long time. But when I become mentally exhausted from all the pretending, that’s when you see it too. It’s getting bad “again” for YOU. Because for me, this is something I have to deal with every day. Every hour. Every moment. I am only showing you the tip of my emotion, because if I let you see it all, you won’t be able to comprehend how I am even existing. You’ve seen nothing.

[borderlineghost]

Ingeborg Bachmann, from “Leaving Port” (tr. Mark Anderson)

[borderlineghost]

They say loneliness is a killer,

well here I am dying…

[borderlineghost]

Might fuck around and self destruct…

[borderlineghost]

I promise you, I’m not as superficial as i seem..

[borderlineghost]

Idk what to say, i can’t think straight. i’m so fucked up, i get so frustrated…. uggghhhhh

[borderlineghost]

I’ll just deal with things on my own… like i always do

[borderlineghost]

[borderlineghost]

Getting flash images of yourself self harming is so fkn hard to deal with :/