brre-som - Tumblr blog

[brre-som]

Your love towards me make me feel like i'm immortal,

While my love for you made me realize that you're mortal.

[brre-som]

Sorry for not posting. These days, I'm too busy dreaming.

Well, it's not like I have a bunch of followers anyways.

[brre-som]

ORBIT

We've been orbiting around each other for so long, cruising together into the void silent song, but that day, like a sudden nightmare, It felt like the Earth was drifting away from the Moon. I was afraid and you were afraid too.

Oceans lost their tidal cycles, the air stopped traveling around and magma ceased to flow correctly on volcanoes ground.

Baby turtles never found their way out of the beach. Orcas starved to death losing the track of other species.

Under the pitch black sky, tropics were turning into ice. Palm Trees slowly froze as they were dressed in white. Life perished away while falling asleep in this milky Hell.

As the months pass, I rised from your oblivion. You crossed again my path and saved ourselves from extinction.

Picture: brre-som

[brre-som]

HOW A PISCES LIFE END

If I die tomorrow, cut a piece of my flesh and lay my body in the middle of the ocean. Just like a lifeline thrown into the waves, slowly drifting away from the boat shadow.

I hope that the sharks will answer the call and come to dance in circles around my blueish corpse, small and cold.

Under your sad glance they will spare red on that navy canvas. Vanishing my puffy appearence into a deep purple watercolor mass.

Surely merging myself into the water that will evaporate. With this violent and graceful end, I will be able to say "Hi!" on your porch every rainy days.

Picture: brre-som

[brre-som]

FAIRPLAY

People always complain about Chaos in society. Newspapers always said that it's disturbing the peace. A fake peace created by a bunch of cheaters trying to tell you that this is the right way to play the game.

Chaos is just fair, and it's our only good card left, for us, honest players.

Chaos is the Joker that allows us to continue the game.

[brre-som]

WE LO/UST THE CONNECTION

Sometimes my body doesn't respond, totally ignoring my soul. My heart throbs and beats faster, panicking as my mind is singing the endless howl of oppression

I can't move, even if I really want too.

Those battles between my body and my mind are tiring and I'll probably get back to sleep. When I close my eyes, they always end the fight and drift away together. Like new lovers making out in the bedroom.

Picture by brre_som

[brre-som]

If you travel through my tumblr and read my post I highly recommend you to play each music you see here to get a full experience and a deep dive into my own world.

Music is for me, one of the purest art forms. It intensify my words and the emotions that you can feel while reading... it make people more empathetic and more understanding. We used to use it to accentuate people's feelings in movie scenes while watching it. I actually use it for the same purposes here, with my writing. Where people often use bold and italic, I use music.

My writing can also contain some mistakes in English, because it's not my first language, do not hesitate to correct me. It will be a pleasure. Practice always makes it better.

So please, take a dive and connect your emotions with mine.

[brre-som]

THE HALLWAY

It was such a long long time since my last post in this app.

I had a Tumblr in 2012-2014, I totally forgot about it but, my sister came to my place today, and we were searching for our old Skyblog (a french blog platform used by 90's baby's in the early 2000) I couldn't find mine so I decided to search for my Tumblr and I found it.

It was really strange to see it... Especially with the fact that this times was though times for me (I think, for the most of us actually). It was my sad girl/ anorexia/ depress teenager era. I never realized before, how sad I was but I finally did! By scrolling, reading the tags and of course trying to interpret each images that my adult eyes and past photographer and cinema student is now able to read

So I thought it will be a good idea to describe to you how I felt while scrolling down those dark pages.

First thought: I was laughing at my old profile picture, I was light blonde with big round sunglasses and an oversize Boy London shirt that I was wearing as a dress. A real Tumblr sad girl (but a bit hipster). I started scrolling and a picture of an unknown man wearing tattoos appears, in black and white.

I thinked: such a Fuck boy, with this attitude. The exact same than my ex .... Anyway it's kinda funny how immature I was to be attracted to this kind of person. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about style I'm really talking about the attitude.

I keeped scrolling and it was almost only this type of posts. It was all black in white. I first thought it was for the overall aesthetic. I was just hyping myself by saying to my sister "I always was addicted to tattoos and body transformation"

Second thought: as I was going down it became quite sadder. black and white pictures are still everywhere, quotes about how our lives make no sense, how wobbly our place on society is. Lot of cigarettes pics and se*x ones... Like if I was trying to make it look edgy. I used to be a heavy smoker since my 14yo (I recently stopped) but I never really liked nude photography. I was raised in a bashful family, we don't trust in any God, it was just our old mindset. I used to see se*x as something dirty, shameful, almost like a sin. This kind of images really make me uncomfortable when I watch them... But now that I'm a grown woman I understand the beauty behind it and even the artistic choices. I can enjoy it even if it's still a bit uncomfortable for me. I feel like am a real stalker watching these vulnerable people.

I thinked: was I matrixed by my nymphomaniac ex or was I just trying to fit somewhere between the rebel mind of a teenager and the beginning of the adulthood. And this nicotine addiction... Disturbing.

Third thoughts: I keep diving deeper and deeper, and all I can see is Anna, everywhere, lost and surrounded by sadness. Heavy sadness. Hashtags were saying "too fat", "too big", "not enough". Between them, the figure of the Joker facing the Batman was everywhere. It was literally the future me watching the tumblr me. Hoping to deliver something with the need to break it before.

I thinked: I was so fascinated by this fictional tandem, but I never understood why it fascinated me before, during those times. But I think that My young brain knew that everything that can rise from demolition always rise stronger and better but I couldn't admit it, so I was sharing it like subliminal messages to my own self: You destroy yourself to the maximum, so you can wash it away easier later. Like a deep spring cleaning.

It wasn't a weakness. I'm sensitive and empathetic but I've never been weak. Those hard time was just the crysalis to the caterpillar. Everyone got their own healing process, some are tough and drowns the most fragile souls into the inferno like an unpassable test. Some are easier but can never bring a real value to your own evolution.

At the end this Tumblr used to show my journey, healing from my relationship with the anorexia and that toxic ex boyfriend (what a wonderful duo) in an abstract way, using images instead of words so only myself could understand the deepest secret that my mind was hiding from my beloved family and friends.

Picture by brre_som