ceejaystone

[ceejaystone]

My BIG comeback!

So a few years ago I started this blog, and like so many things in my life there was no follow through. However, I am back and this time I mean business. Just to warn you, I will probably be using this blog to empty my brain of all the sad things, difficult times, lessons learned, the ups and the downs. I guess you could say this will be my virtual therapy.

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I don't think anything needs to be said!

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Everything we do is a dance!

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Saw this on Facebook and thought is was perfect!

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The future is all well and good, but...

I don't know about you but I spend my life dreaming of fame and fortune. In fact I think I can safely say most performing artists are exactly the same. My biggest fault in this regard is my desire to have everything now, now, NOW god damn it! Although this is great for self motivation, for me is causes havoc with my mental stability. If things aren't going right I start to question my own ability. I fill my world with self doubt, I drag myself down into the depths of depression. And we all know how that turns out! So what am I doing about bringing stability back into my world since my breakdown in October 2013? Well, you'll be pleased to hear that I'm back at the gym, I know you've all been missing my semi clothed photos! I've recently joined the London Gay Men's Chorus to rehabilitate myself back into performing and a structured rehearsal schedule and I've made enquiries about some unpaid performing opportunities which again will ease me back into my chosen profession. All those things are great but I still need to keep focussed. I still have to think about the future or I won't know in which direction I'm steering the mother ship! Thanks to my amazing personal trainer, Matt Crane, I've found a simple but effective solution. Small goals! I know, sounds so simple doesn't it! I'll give you an example. When I went into my "body transformation" I had a target of getting to a lean body weight of 90kgs within the year. Great plan, and achievable with hard work and dedication. However, it feels like it's light years away so now I have set myself smaller aims that when added together will help me achieve the overall aim of 90kgs. So for this week the aim is to attend 4 training sessions and to get my diet back on track and set to the plan given to me by Matt. By the end of this month I aim to weigh around 72kgs of lean mass. Looking further ahead I'm going to see some old friends from the World Youth Choir in South Africa for my birthday in April and I want to look good in a pair of speedos! ;-) All these little achievements will help to keep me motivated, focused and give me that regular sense of achievement and positive feedback that I so crave.

[ceejaystone]

Missing in action!

Have you missed me?! No, I didn't think so lol

Anyway, I haven't posted here for some time now, I'm afraid I had a full on mental crash! After my last post, things didn't quite go in the right direction and I suffered a minor breakdown! Or as my family like to say, "he just needed a rest"!

I'm back now, and my blogging is the first thing on the agenda for 2014!

So, sorry for abandoning you; I hope to be in full flight with more posts about my personal struggle with depression, with some exciting revelations!

Happy New Year to you all and please come and chat to me sometime.

Cee Jay xxx

[ceejaystone]

Burn your bra....my saucy tale!

So, as I was saying! I had my very own, "burn your bra" situation. Though perhaps in my case it should be "burn your y-fronts"! As you know, I'm at the gym doing a huge 12 month body transformation! And I'm feeling...alright! Bouncing up and down from one mood to the other, but I'm still staying committed to my gym schedule. I feel healthy, I feel slim and most of all, I feel horny! They don't tell you about that bit! It's all well as good getting healthy but when your libido comes back fighting, and you're single, life can be murder. Anyway, I was having new head shots done the other week and my photographer was particularly handsome! And I'm planning to do lots of work with him for this blog and the whole transformation experience! So we're communicating a lot. So I Carpe Diemed and burnt my y-fronts and asked him out for coffee! Yey me! Turns out he's straight with a girlfriend but my point is I did it! I let go, got rejected but I didn't disappear into a pit of despair! So people, today, go forth, burn your under garments and Carpe Diem!!!!!

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Burn your bra....the story continues!

Remember when I told you about my friend who needed to burn her bra and seize the moment? Well, do I have a "burn your bra" story of my own! To be continued.....

[ceejaystone]

Find out the benefits of exercise for depression, including how to get exercise on prescription.

[ceejaystone]

Explains depression, including possible causes and how you can access treatment and support. Includes tips for helping yourself, and guidance for friends and family

[ceejaystone]

A giant leap for mankind...backwards!

So I'm sure you've all missed me these past couple of weeks! I have neglected you and I started to make backward steps in my recovery.

Yes, even though I'd been exercising and eating well I've been finding it very difficult to keep my head above water and stay on my road of positive thought and "can do" attitude!

So, what went wrong?

I think this is an important question to ask myself, mainly so I can recognise the signs of this backward movement earlier and do something about it!

In those first few weeks of starting the gym, starting all those new daily challenges, I found myself making HUGE leaps forward! Each new problem, POW! I smashed it! As the days and weeks went on there were fewer and fewer problems to face! Victory! Or was it?

I began to feel stagnant, treading water! I was no longer moving forward, or certainly not in the same dramatic way that I was. Life became mundane! Life became normal!

So the wind was knocked out of my sails a little and self doubt started to enter my head. Daily tasks weren't being done, I couldn't be bothered to shave, even walking the dog was just a pain in the a**e! All the classic signs were there.

So what did I do? Nothing spectacular, nothing amazing! I stayed focussed, I sort help and advise from my support network and I rode it out.

Today is the first day in a couple of weeks that I've felt like me! So I'm going to ride this next wave and see what giant leaps for mankind...forwards, that I can make!

Join me!

[ceejaystone]

Mark is the first certified Dharma Yoga teacher in the UK and founder of Dharma Yoga London, where since 2008, he has taught Sri Dharma Mittra’s Shiva Na

[ceejaystone]

Ommmmmmmmmmm......

Yes, that's right  boys and girls, today I experienced Yoga for the very first time. And I'm pleased to say it won't be my last!

Once again Equinox Gym in Kensington surpassed every expectation I had and made my first experience one to remember!

This is how it all began...

As you know I'm doing a 12 month "body transformation" and I'm 3 weeks in! My body is over the initial shock and the doms are no way near as rough as they were in the first week! And I'm really throwing myself into this whole fitness gig! Gym and Pilates so far.

Anyway, I received this email from my gym about a September Yoga Series, complementary to members. Being a Yorkshire man I always did love a freebie! It advertised a series of 5 Yoga sessions conducted by the top Yoga instructors London has to offer in 5 different disciplines! I know, who knew Yoga had so much more going on that sitting cross legged, chanting "Om" over and over again!

I walked into the Yoga studio at Equinox this morning at 10.30am to the most amazing site anyone with OCD could possibly dream about! Row upon row of perfectly placed Yoga mats, complete with blocks, straps and towels! It was a beautiful site to behold against the back drop of a glorious sunny day over looking the gorgeous sites of Kensington.

So I'm feeling positive and pretty confident I can handle what was to come! That was until I started chatting to one or two of the other attendees...

A young man asks me, "have you done one of Mark's classes before?" To which I respond, "No! This is my first ever experience of Yoga!" Well, a look of sheer horror came swooping across his face, "...but you've done acrobatics or gymnastics before, right?" "errrrr, no!"

Panic starts to rise up in me as this guy looks like a rabbit caught in headlights! He had a genuine fear for me!

Baring in mind that the email stipulated that the classes were "open level"! So immediately I'm thinking, leave, just leave now and no one will ever know! Then I thought about it for a moment. With my new found positive, "can do" attitude I'm ready to tackle anything that comes my way. And if I can't do something, I can just hold off until the next move!

So, the studio is starting to fill up and there are people with their own Yoga mats, performing stretches and getting themselves in readiness for this guy to perform his magic!

The class begins, and it's going a little bit fast at first, but thankfully many of the moves are repeated and I start to get into the swing of things. I'm only 10 minutes in and I'm sweating from every orifice!

Then it arrived! The sudden realisation why the guy at the beginning asked about acrobatics! Hand stands, fore arm balances, full crow, half crow, the list is endless! Needless to say the hand stands weren't coming easily! Though I did manage two which I was rather proud of!

And it's moving and moving and moving! You don't stop!

The instructor, Mark, had brought along a few of his own students to help lead the class and these guys, let me tell you! Phenomenal! It was like watching Spelbound perform all over again! Out of this world; the strength and control these people had. And such focus!

And we're moving again, constantly changing positions, stretching every muscle in the body. Towards the end I did almost get my leg behind my head!

So, despite my initial concerns, I threw myself in at the deep end and experienced the most amazing spiritual and physical workout I have ever had! I was dripping with sweat, my muscles were aching and I left the studio on a massive high!

I can't wait to see what next Sunday has in store!

[ceejaystone]

Inspiring message that I spotted on twitter earlier today.

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Previous Stats: 12/08/2013

Total Body Weight: 72.0kg

Body Fat %: 17.8%

Lean Body Mass: 59.1kg

Body Fat Mass: 12.9kg

Current Stats: 28/08/2013

Total Body Weight: 74kg

Body Fat%: 15.8%

Lean Body Mass: 62.3kg

Body Fat Mass: 11.7kg