chamiluna

[chamiluna]

i miss the person i was at the start of the year

[chamiluna]

Panic attacks are so exhausting. I can literally feel it coming, the tightness in my chest, my breath getting quicker, the tears in the corners of my eyes. I don't have any reason to be going through this, but it fucking happens anyway

kms

[chamiluna]

this still stands btw

people don't automatically like me which means I should kill myself

[chamiluna]

I don't want to be here anymore

[chamiluna]

being alive is just so exhausting

[chamiluna]

this is the longest blog I've had for a good while now. maybe it's cuz I'm not bombarded with notifs or something

dunno. I wonder how long this'll last though.. not like I've ever been good at controlling my impulses to deactivate stuff

[chamiluna]

that visceral sense of fucking disgust when someone messes up is so vomit inducing. stay the fuck away from me you lowlife bitch

[chamiluna]

she woke up 6 hours later than usual it's so fucking over for today I'm going to be so unreasonably pissed off and there's nothing to do to fix it

[chamiluna]

how greedy do you have to be to let such a wonderful seal die?

he wasn't there for breeding purposes—he wasn't old enough to breed. if that was the plan they'd have to keep him in that tiny enclosure for another 3 years before finally reintroducing him to the other seals. what they inflicted upon mizore is literal animal abuse and it's fucking disgusting to know they'll get away with it just like they did with the other animals they've let die under their care.

seven months of swimming in circles in pure social isolation. over a third of his life spent by himself with only the few clicks of cameras outside the glass, and they'll get away with no consequences by claiming they had nothing to do with it. he was unhealthy, he had birth defects, and it had "nothing to do with them." and yet that entirely falls apart when you ask why they'd choose an unhealthy seal for a breeding program.

fuck everyone involved in the enclosure setup for mizore, and fuck the people in charge of the aquarium who keep letting their animals die.

[chamiluna]

I wish they'd just shut the fuck up already

nobody cares abt what you're talking abt, pay attention to me or fuck off

[chamiluna]

born to love forced to be the one they date before their soulmate

[chamiluna]

bpd culture is the overwhelmingly intense emptiness i get immediately after a nice happy moment ends

[chamiluna]

I want to move in with my gf but I'm scared she won't even like me irl. I'm kinda.. different, and I know she can handle me online but it's such a different deal irl I'm stressing over it

[chamiluna]

when she's so much better than me in almost every way so I have to be the combative one who jumps in at any sign of aggression towards her (it will tear me apart)

[chamiluna]

she's slept an hour longer than usual maybe she hates me and wants me dead

[chamiluna]

bpd culture is feeling so, so empty when they're offline, yet so explosive when they are. i cant ever get a normal middle ground can i ? god im so tired of myself

-🐊

.

[chamiluna]

Suspected BPD culture is believing it would be easier if your FP just hated you instead of sitting here all alone wondering if they even love you anymore

-🪶

.