commandercod

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if tumblr shuts down you can find me on tumblr. ill still be here. they cant make me leave

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Brooding Monolouge: Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a thousand times, and now how abhorred in my imagination it is!

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One of the things I love about Goncharov is that it's an incredibly violent film without actually,,, showing much actual violence? Like aside from the handful of 'action' scenes (and lbr there wasn't much explicit violence even there) the threat of violence is definitely an ongoing theme and how different characters respond to that perceived threat of violence when that threat is presented by a character as opposed to the more impersonal threat of the Family/the State (I could write THESES about the Alleyway Scene alone) is one of the foundations of the whole goddamn plot.

Not to mention the way different characters threaten people themselves - Katya using Leo's upset at any potential 'mess' to redirect Andrey's anger at her? Goncharov just cheerfully pulling a fucking gun in the middle of a board meeting he wasn't even supposed to be at? - can be pretty clearly inferred to be part of the Greater And Ongoing Allegory of Violence As A Tool vs Violence For Personal Satisfaction, and perfectly demonstrate the differences in their upbringing and lived experience, privilege earned vs privilege inherited etc etc

Idk I just love how this film has layers

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[ID: An image advertising that Goncharov is on Poob: it has the characters cut out from the most iconic poster, with the additional text "Winter has arrived on Poob. Start your 7 day free trial today" in the upper left corner, "Martin Scorcese presents GONCHAROV a film by Matteo JWJH0715" in the bottom left, and "Only on Poob" in the bottom right", on top of Poob's neon green signature color /end ID]

Winter has arrived on Poob.

Start your 7 day free trial of Poob today, and watch smash hit Martin Scorcese's Goncharov.

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Kabul Dreams - Sadae Man 2010

Kabul Dreams is a rockband from Afghanistan, established in 2008 in Kabul. The band has paved the way for a modest but growing rock scene in Afghanistan, rebuilding itself after decades of war. The band's motivation to perform came from their own love for music, but also from a public hunger for a new life after war – a life that included new music and art. Kabul Dreams plays music in both English and Dari; one of Afghanistan's native languages. The song "Sadae Man" ("My Voice") is about the importance of Afghanistan's youth having a collective voice.

All of the band members were born in Afghanistan, but they were displaced to neighboring countries as refugees during the Taliban reign. After the fall of the Taliban regime, the band members returned to Afghanistan and met each other in Kabul. Their musical influences include Sex Pistols, Metallica, Nirvana and Oasis. In 2014, the band relocated to Oakland, California to grow their presence in the American music scene.

"Sadae Man" received a total of 79,2% yes votes!

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Sometimes people will email me begging me to approve a purchase order and launching into an explanation of how badly they need it and I want to take their hands and softly tell them that this company and this job means nothing to me and they can go expense a llama for all I give a shit

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yeah, this is my pet knight, she's a rescue. i gave her a brief act of mercy and she followed me home and sat outside my door to guard me from intruders. she swore her undying allegiance to me in exchange for a gift of grace and now she sleeps at the foot of my bed and weeps when im late coming home. and yeah, she only eats wet food because she's a snob, also.

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So my therapist and I were talking today about ADHD brains, and what “executive function” means, and we discovered a really interesting thing about how my brain works. I don’t know how much it will extend to other people, but I’m throwing it out there in case it’s useful for anyone else.

Usually it takes me about 1.5 - 2 hours each morning, to go from “booting up my computer” to “actually starting on my first task”.  This is true whether I work from home or work in the office, whether it’s a coding day or a meeting day, whether I jump out of bed when the alarm goes off or if I’m very seriously giving consideration to sleeping under my desk while my computer boots.  I don’t want it to take that long, but extensive experimentation has shown that it definitely does.

Today I decided to try an experiment.  Instead of my normal morning routine (where I check email, IMs, to-do list, and self-care list, and compile that into an enormous to-do list for the day, then sort that list in order of “if everything goes sideways and I get to only one thing, what thing will be the most painful if it happens tomorrow instead of today”, and then set up multiple desktops on my macbook so that each task – including “brush teeth” has its own desktop, and then put the desktops in the assigned priority-order), I decided I’d just jump right into my first task, and see if I could get myself a hyper-focused hour of work before someone came into the office to bug me.

It. Was. Terrible.

I mean, I got the task done, in record time. Then I checked Tumblr. Then I checked Facebook. Then I composed a summary of David Graeber’s argument that the European Age of Exploitation cannot be understood without knowing why the Chinese decided to abandon paper money.  Then I replied to all my Facebook messages. Then I helped Jessica at work set up her code. There followed a relatively productive afternoon where I helped my boss sort out a personnel problem, set priorities for our department, contributed to one meeting, ran yet another meeting, got consensus on a project, and helped Jessica again – but I didn’t eat my midmorning snack until 1pm, I never did brush my teeth, and my knees are killing me because all through the second meeting my body was sending “This posture hurts! Change position! Get! Up!” signals, and I couldn’t summon the focus to actually move from the floor to the couch. By the time my therapist called, my phone was on 3% and I couldn’t find my bluetooth headphones. I’m still 400 calories under my target for the day, because I missed 900 calories during my workday and I couldn’t figure out how to add more than 500 calories to my dinner.

So my therapist and I talked about this strange mix of symptoms: knocking out task after task of helping people at work, but unable to feed myself; incredibly highly effective code debugging, but also getting lost in Tumblr for an hour. I wasn’t under-stimulated, but I also didn’t get to pick what I focused on.  And he talked about how executive function isn’t just one thing, which I knew, but mentioned specifically that one element of executive function is taking your own initiative, deciding your actions for yourself, rather than just reacting to stimuli.  And it hit me —

I can’t do that.  

I thrive in hyper-focused development environments, where I react to each compiler error by debugging the error … but I break down when the compiler runs without error; I don’t know what to do if I don’t have the error-stimulus deciding my actions.

I thrive in high-multi-tasking environments like running a retail store at Christmas, where I do a task, and then look around and see which notification is the highest priority, and then do that task.  But I struggle in January and February, when all the customers are gone and I don’t know what to do.

And today, I was entirely stimulus-driven.  Jessica asked for help, and I helped her. Kathy commented on Facebook, and I replied to her. Ryan asked about a report, and I explained it to him. Mark brought up something that reminded me of David Graeber, and I typed up a history essay.  Anything that didn’t have a notification – brushing my teeth, eating my snack, charging my phone – didn’t get done.

And that’s when it hit me.  My usual morning routing isn’t a waste of 2 hours.  It’s setting up my environment so that I will be stimulated to do the things I want to do.

I have barely any initiative-decide-for-myself at all.  I get one (1) intitiativon each morning, and I have to spend it wisely.  And what I do with it, each day, is set up the stimuli I will experience throughout the day.

I finish a task and close that desktop: the next desktop pops up with a note that says “Meditate.”

I finish meditating and close the desktop: the next desktop pops up with an email I need to reply to.

I finish that email and close that desktop: the next one pops up with a note that says “Order groceries.”

I don’t have any initiative left by that point, but I don’t need to: I get the stimulus to do my work, maintain my health, connect with friends, and clean my house, and I’m too executive-dysfunction-deprived to do anything but respond to stimulus, and so I do all those things. This explains why I need to leave such specific directions to myself: not “write chapter 5″, but “Open C:/Documents/Writing/NovelTitle/Chapter5.doc”.  The first one isn’t a stimulus to action; the second one is. 

It’s also why I have such a hard time with “leisure”, and why my “randomized leisure activity” deck helped me so much; because by the time I get to the end of the day, and I’m out of spoons and I have earned a fun and relaxing evening…. I cannot – by definition – decide what would be fun and relaxing.

Like I say, I have no idea whether that will be any good for anyone else, but it prompted some interesting introspection, and I wanted to share. Now if you’ll excuse me, I still need to go brush my teeth

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Glow worm cave, New Zealand

danielkordan

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I just had An Experience™️ with a persimmon

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sometimes it's not even enemies to lovers. sometimes you get handed the leash of a snarling, barking dog against your will and realize with dawning horror that you are now responsible for teaching it not to bite

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being an adult means I can use my big boy money (which is supposed to go towards stupid things like rent or food but who the hell does that) to force people to look at Melly.

look at her. she’s simply so Shaped

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do genuinely find it fascinating how indeed.com is like the biggest job-hunting website out there and yet manages to be profoundly useless in every possible way

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tbh i never really considered seals. until i finally saw one irl and was like omg. the creature

this is my artistic representation of what they looked like on the beach from where i was standing in the distance

it was the most magical day of my life

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Rolling into the weekend like 🦭….

We plan on seal-axing this weekend like this mom and pup duo. 

How about you?

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LESS movies about the lgbtq experience MORE movies about people who just happen to be lgbtq. is it really that hard to understand

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i've had an epiphany