contradictionsamazeme - Tumblr blog

[contradictionsamazeme]

Yeah, really! You are awesome.

trigger warning: islamophobia

so, a couple of days ago I received these messages, about this drawing of Samirah, Magnus and Alex.

When I asked them why even sending this, they told me to “stop promoting islamos” on their fanbase. 

So you know what i’m gonna do? I’M GONNA PROMOTE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS AMAZING CHARACTER THAT IS SAMIRAH AL-ABBAS, A PROUD AND GREAT MUSLIM GIRL.

THIS IS FOR YOU @spookthegook

Samirah “OMG Amir is looking at me” Samirah “Magnus you MORON” Samirah “I’m gonna kick the shit out of that asshole”

And of course Samirah the Amazing Valkyrie

ENJOY THAT ADORABLE, BADASS AND INCREDIBLE MUSLIM GIRL ON YOUR FANBASE

[contradictionsamazeme]

What I love

I love shapes and patterns, and unity or chaos of them. I love when I can’t see them straight away but they are clearer than everything else when I find them. Like in chess, martial arts, mechanics, flying, music, climbing, history, psychology, art, on the ‘raven’ part of IQ tests or in every daily activity, which again can be beautifully explained by science. So what is it I love? Is it physics? The application of it? I guess that’s part of it. I love the thought of Yin and Yang, I love that one thing can easily explain another, or be used to understand everything more accurately. I love principles, and how you can learn one thing, make out the principle, turn and fold it a bit and apply it to something else. That’s magic to me, that’s when I’m on fire.

[contradictionsamazeme]

I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged (via mindwanderingsofanintj)

One of my favorite quotes.

[contradictionsamazeme]

Nobody will love you if you’re yourself. Nobody will accept or appreciate you unless you’re exactly what I want you to be. Nobody will want you unless you do as I say. You’re a burden to this planet unless you fulfill my expectations and role I’ve set for you.

Abusive parents (via iamfinallybreakingfree)

It's amazing how I was thinking my whole life that this is just the way I am. A burden, a problem, something uncomfortable and ugly. I fought so hard to get out of that feeling physically, yet I never fully realized that these thoughts and feelings didn't come from a fair place. I thought it was my fault I was broken, but since I understood what it is, I meet so many people who have been through the same. Thanks for sharing, all of you!

[contradictionsamazeme]

What I fear

I fear arms. Strong arms and a kind voice. If those arms would hold me, maybe I would feel safe, maybe I would feel like I could let go, like back then, when everything was still fine. But that is too much. I couldn’t bear it, I would explode surely, with the pain gathered through all these years. No arms would be strong enough to hold me. Not me. They would push me away, or evaporate. And I would be tricked. Naked, undone and alone. Falling into darkness and unsafe storms. Yes, I fear strong arms, for I fear the alluring nature of their safety. I fear I could come to trust them, and I know I can’t let myself do that. I never do. The fall hurts too much, for I know these arms can be drawn back in an instance. I know I might as well imagine their safety. Yes probably that is what I do. How stupid. I cannot let myself be at anyones whim like that. I have to be strong. I have to be in control. I want safe arms draped around me, I want to be shielded and loved. But I could never admit that, I would run from strong arms in fear of their perceived safety. Their promise would mock me. No one can hold me. There are no arms strong enough for that. Yes, I need to mock their weakness, I need to work on my own strength, I can’t lose to those arms, I need to run away. I need to be my own strong arms. But how can I? How can I when I am the one I fear…?

[contradictionsamazeme]

Test anxiety

It is so out of context, so wrong.

A test makes my brain screw itself. A test rips my heart apart. Why? It opens the gate to a black abyss of panic. It makes me lose grip on reality and spiral downwards aiming for full destruction. Destruction of my intellect. Destruction of my personality. Destruction of my faith in myself. Why? Why do I allow this? I know I’m intelligent. I know I’m good, yet self impairment seems to be as natural to me as breathing. It is so painful having your shoulders drawn up under your ears as soon as someone gives you a time limit or a grade. Well, it’s better with written assignments. My love of language actually manages to get the better of my fear. I just really love writing and exploring my ideas and thoughts. Mathematical tests though… oh, they are the death of me! That is so sad, I adore math, and I know I could be more than decent, if only my brain would stop betraying me and handing me over to panic and anxiety, I could be really good. I still get Bs and Cs mostly, but I guess I use 80% of my capacity on a math test to not freak out. I have problems thinking, breathing and I often tremble terribly and make a fuzz out of losing things and messing with all the stuff on my desk… It takes so much energy not to burst into a full scale anxiety attack, after a test I feel like I could just die…

Finding out why this is true for me gives me hope. I’m not crazy, just hurt. Which means I can and will get better!

[contradictionsamazeme]

My truth in writing

Words are wonderful. 

For all purposes, they are wonderful. A blank sheet, capturing exactly what you want it to, when you are ready to submit it. In my world, where I have been trained to conceal my thoughts and disfigure my truths and sense of self, writing is a safe haven beyond words, ironically :)

It’s no ones business what I write. I can speak from the heart, I can switch into a conscience I though lost long time ago, when my self worth and self esteem was whisked away.  I can tell the stories I never even dared to think about.

The best part about writing though, is the fact that those words stay. They are not something someone can wash away or disfigure. Even if my world is torn down completely, I still have my words. I still have that sheet where I once dared to be honest, and to tell my deep-felt truth. I can hold onto these words now, for even if those voices scream at me to let go of my identity, the words tell me otherwise. They connect to my confused heart and make me feel what I felt then, the day I dared to speak them. And instantly, although in a small way, I dare to see that the truth is not what those voices scream at me. Truth is what resonates deep in my heart, captured the day I dared to be honest. Words are my sanity, words are my selfdefense. Words are my most cherished form of therapy, writing is my sanctuary. I hope it can do the same for you.  

[contradictionsamazeme]

Truth, coping:  There is no one truth. There are a myriad of truths and perspectives. They all exist. In someones hearts, fears or fantasies. Acknowledge your own truths, for they are your only way to cherish yourself. If you don’t accept your truths, who will? No one. You will be lost. Don’t doubt your truths. Cherish them, be proud. For they are you, truly.

[contradictionsamazeme]

You can have my words, you can have my words about my feelings. But you cannot have my feelings…I’m sorry.

[contradictionsamazeme]

[contradictionsamazeme]

Being an INTJ...

…is letting the phone go to voice mail and laughing because the acquaintances say, “huh, I never seem to catch you at home” and your friend says “Oh my WORD INTJ!!! Just pick up the phone! Never mind, I’ll just text you…”

[contradictionsamazeme]

10 Things which could make it easier to understand INTJs,Part 2

6. We are never set on one opinion, how could we be? It might seem like we are very focused and stubborn, and we are. But being an intuitive introvert means having an addiction to changing perspectives. So we strive for new perspectives all the time, and in our heads we entertain all kinds of weird views, also when we seem very strict on the outside. The rational nature of extroverted thinking makes us grasp and use our current best solution in the outside world, and it might therefore look like we are very set on this solution. But that is far from the truth. Logic needs hard facts and a set view, so we entertain our best option and treat it as the truth, but in our heads, I believe it is never truly set. The subplot of multiple angles and realities goes on forever. It’s only thanks to Te that we get out of there and become productive. So next time you think an INTJ is being narrow-minded, confront them, for the ability to talk it out is certainly there.

7. Not all of us are clumsy and hate sports. I’ve pondered on this for a while, and I think this might be true for at least a few of us. I’ve always been really into sports and really good. My key strengths are timing and reaction, and an ability to imitate and respond to movement really fast. I think this can be explained through Ni-Se. When I do sports I’m acutely aware of my surroundings, in a very all-including ‘zen’ way. I see energy gets transformed and led on, and I understand the whole by getting hints from all the details of the real world my Se picks up and feeds Ni, which emerges with this real time connection to the flow of a situation. This makes me able to predict future moves, and understand sequences of movement very well. The difference to a Se-dom, I think, is that I don’t look at for example a martial arts throw and see the details of the throw. I see the principle, I see physics, history, psychology… I see interconnected energy. Nonetheless, it is very acute awareness of the truth, in a totally different way.

8. At least for me, my weakness lies in the awareness of details. In a way, I just spent some time arguing that INTJs are not that bad with details. Now I’m gonna turn that one around. If you read between the lines of 7. you will find that I never said I’m directly good with details, because I’m not. I’m extremely good at unconsciously using details to make up a concept or manipulate the whole, but it is a meaning-to-means chain of reaction. I’m weak at the typical Si stuff (which makes sense, since it is the last function in my shadow stack…), and I trip constantly when it comes to for example simple mistakes in math. I write half of one problem and half of the other, I forget to write a number or I change the sign in front… I’m just not really there, or focused on the details. I usually do really good in figuring out the mathematical principles in a problem, I love that part. But typically I ruin it by some simple mistake. When I am troubled or tired this goes for material things in the real world too. I misplace stuff, or forget things, or mount something in the wrong way. I’m mentally absent, especially if I have not had alone time in a while. Then I start worrying about this, and that drops my energy even further, which again means more mistakes.

9. Ignoring someone usually is not intentionally. INTJs love their plans and ideas. When we go into obsession mode, which happens quite often, we remove all things from our minds, which cannot help deepen our understanding of our current theme of obsession. So, if you have something we need, like knowledge or skills, you might find that you are hardly left alone, and bombarded with questions or ideas. But if you are not so ‘lucky’ that your have expertise in INTJs area of obsession, you are kind of invisible at the moment, like the rest of the world. No harm intended, really! It is just that we get so many ideas and impressions, that it is hard to see through it all. The process might begin by gathering information, but then the unconscious Ni kicks in, and we don’t even want to disturb ourselves. So really, not picking up the phone or replying to a text, it’s not intentionally, it’s just… not getting through to the layer of reality at which we exist in such bouts of obsession. I really hope this makes sense!

10. It really takes time to get to know an INTJ. It does not matter if in friendship or in love, INTJs are usually not the rushing in types. We’re intense in the moment, so if you got to know us through some thrilling and interesting conversation, you might feel that we did not appreciate it, since we usually won’t contact you again immediately. This could not be further from the truth. At least for me, if I had an amazing conversation, I can go at least a week, if not longer, just pondering the questions and wonder of that conversation. I will prepare to ask you more questions and explore your mind, and since it is such an intense experience I want to give us both space to cope and find balance. So, if you had this kind of conversation with an INTJ, and they don’t immediately ask for more, don’t be spooked. Either you contact them, or you wait, but be sure of this: If an INTJ engaged in a long and deep conversation with you, he/she will want to talk to you again. Our thoughts and ideas are the most precious things we have, we don’t share that with just anyone.

Part 1

[contradictionsamazeme]

10 things which could  make it easier to understand INTJs, Part 1

1. Our objective in learning something is never praise. It’s not that we don’t like praise, but it is highly unlikely to motivate us. To me, actually it has the opposite effect. I belive that doing something and hoping for praise is missing the point. I like things to be true and pure, and if you do something I believe it should have value to you, other than being a medium for flattery. How can you really understand something if your main focus is on pleasing someone else?

2. To us, comforting and helping is about finding solutions. Sometimes a hug is of help, but only for a moment. Mostly a hug is something the other person needs, to feel like he/she is able to help. To me, comfort and help is about understanding the problem and sharing perspectives and solutions. It might sound blunt… but really, cheery words don’t solve the problem. So the most comforting thing someone can do to help me, is shedding light on the problem and trying to find truth and solutions. That makes me feel safe, more so than a hug, because this person uses his/her resources and intelligence to back me up, and that inspires me to go on myself. 

3. Taking something seriously means staying objective. This is much the same as 2. in a way. I strive to stay objective and detached, especially when I have strong feelings about something. I’ve always seen that as the natural thing to do, but I’ve learnt over the years that people often misjudge this as passiveness and disinterest, or coldheartedness. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is my inner storm of passion, engagement and feeling which gives me a need to disconnect my view from my inner turmoil. I value logic, and I believe, if used right, that feelings are part of this logic. But to really see and understand myself and the world, I do need to strive for objectiveness. How can I see if I am buried in emotion? 

4. To us, alone time is as crucial as sleep. This might be hard to get for some extroverts, but it is nonetheless true. I’ve tried living together with others and constantly engaging for half a year, and the results were a lot like insomnia. I am a very driven and energetic person, with loads of ideas and strong imagination. But after about three months there, I’d lost all that, and I started the days by counting hours till I could go back to bed and hide under the duvet, in order to get some quiet. Constantly being with people really feels like my soul seeps out of me and my identity gets washed away. So needing alone time is not about not liking people, it is about survival and being healthy - to an introvert, it’s as important as sleep. 

5. We want truth, and feelings are part of that truth. I kind of touched this in 3. But I think I need to clarify even more, because this is so often misunderstood, even by INTJs. I don’t believe in logic OR values and emotions. I believe that values, emotions and logic are part of the same process. MBTI says so to, it is called judging functions (logic and values), and I also think emotions are crucial. Humans have always strived towards happiness and fulfillment of some kind. And while it is true that some use logic, and others values, as a main vehicle to get there or validate their views and feelings, the core drive has to be emotional. There is no sense in logic or values without emotion. If you have no goal, what do you need judging functions for? And even if your goal is to be objective and unemotional, that means this is something you want, it has appeal to you, and I would say appeal is emotion. I think being objective is trying your best to take all things into account. If you refrain from values or emotions because you want to be objective, you construct a lie, and the truth slips away. Therefore I think openness is always strength, and not acknowledging something makes you vulnerable. I believe true objectiveness is acknowledging how you feel, knowing why and taking your feelings into account, together with logic and values. This might seem paradoxical, but if you bann your feelings, you undermine that they are part of your core drive, and you give them unconscious free reign, which could lead to great biases. Often, logic is also used as an excuse to run away from ones feelings, which is ultimately a very emotional thing to do.

Part 2

[contradictionsamazeme]

My MBTI type: INTJ My mistypings: INFJ (I was lured in by stereotypes and concluded I could not be an INTJ because I was not cold enough and actually have people skills...)

Mini MBTI survey

Just wanted to see if there’s a correlation between your MBTI type and what you’ve mistyped as once you discovered MBTI (if you ever have mistyped).

Please reblog and add your own, I might make a post with results if enough data is collected!

For example,

My MBTI type: INTP My mistypings: INFJ (it was before I learnt about cognitive functions, yes, it’s shameful)

[contradictionsamazeme]

Yup...

me: sends important text that took a lot of guts to send me: immediately turns off wifi, data, the phone itself, my laptop, hides both in a safe, hybernates self for 1.000 years,

[contradictionsamazeme]

My first thought here was that society as a whole often has a way of missing the point/ being ineffective - in my opinion. The abandoned house was built to live in, and there are so many people in need of a house, yet it is left empty and in decay, God knows for what reason, probably something really stupid, like a legal matter which no one cares to solve. Society is not that different. It is so hard to get things moving - together.

To me, the ultimate representation of society is the abandoned house but I can´t pinpoint why

[contradictionsamazeme]

This sounds very INTJ to me. When I found MBTI I thought I might be an INFJ, because I do have these traits, and in some way I really enjoy helping people. However I am certainly a Te user, and after I interviewed a lot of Fe people I get how it works, but I still don't feel it. This post also applies to two of the three other INTJs I know. It's super to make people more aware these things. It helps all of us get rid of our misguided INTJ stereotype! Hopefully there will be a part 2?! ;-) @wine-and-mbti-acrosstheuniverse

Things I've learned about INTJ’s that go against their stereotype

As someone who has 3 close INTJ relationships in their life, I thought I would talk about the characteristics of them that go against their stereotype/what they wouldn’t tell you about.

They are surprisingly gentle. Now grant it, they are probably only so towards selected humans/people they somewhat care about/like, but still. I guarantee at least 90% of MBTI nerds such as myself don’t associate the word “gentle” with INTJ’s. Like everything about the male INTJ is gentle. The way he touches things/me, his body language (if not surrounded by people), his tone of voice and sometimes even the things he says. The two females also have the physical gentleness about them. When they’re not running into things, they can look quite graceful/put together.

They can be extremely considerate. Really though, for a type that prefers thinking over feeling and has Te in the auxiliary position in their stacking, they really do think about the people they care about’s well being more than most know. Though anybody close to an at least decently healthy INTJ has probably seen this. Part of their goal in establishing any sort of human relationship is to make sure that persons physical and emotional needs are met, but in a more different way than SJ’s do. Every time I mention I’m sick to any of the three I am close with, they immediately ask me what my symptoms are and diagnosing me on the spot and looking up any way they can make me feel better. If I am emotionally distraught, they want to know why right away so they can try to help any problems I have or cure any bad emotion I feel (they may not always be the best with the emotional stuff, but it’s their effort that really counts and cheers me up even if their actual words didn’t do the trick). They will purposefully change the way they’ll say something to be more nice/less intimidating because they know it might upset me if they say it in their natural INTJ blunt way. Of course, they don’t compromise what the original intent of their statement was, they just find a new way of saying it. Basically, they will do things for you they would never do in a normal setting if they care for you and your attention. I could add even more to this but it is getting quite long soooo moving on.

They can be some of the most loyal people in your life. This trait is more widely known I think but I figured I would still include it. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit it but I can be insecure in some of my friendships, always wondering if they truly enjoy being around me or if they’ll just randomly stop talking to me. However, any time any sort of doubt has crept into my INTJ friendships, it usually disappears as fast as it appeared. I know they would not waste their time with me if they did not enjoy my company and I know without a shadow of a doubt that they wouldn’t abandon me (unless I did something unspeakably awful). The loyalty they have is like a cool, calm wave over me and my anxiety that I have with all relationships in my life. My INTJ’s are always there for me in some way.

They are surprisingly….affectionate. There is this whole idea that INTJ’s despise physical contact. Well if it’s from someone they do not trust/like, then yes. They probably don’t like it. All three have told me they don’t do hugs. And actually, in public most won’t even hug me (they’ll tolerate it if I hug them though). However, in a more private setting, they are actually very touchy (maybe it’s the Se?). The one I have a more romantic relationship with is super cuddly. And I think for all three, physical touch is high on their list of love languages. They’re not cuddly in the F way, but they’ll just randomly be assertive and initiate some sort of physical touching whether it just be leaning on my shoulder or full on cuddling. But don’t talk about it with them. All three dislike talking about affection and emotions in general (but they will if they haveeee to, it’s actually quite cute I think). I will say I think they are less physically affectionate with family. First and foremost they are the most affectionate with lovers and second with friends. All three aren’t too “huggy” with their parents/siblings.

They’re super open minded generally. They will try most things once, however, they are usually skeptical. Most people see them being close minded, but on the contrary actually. This is more of a trait found in healthy/developed INTJ’s so don’t expect to see this in your 12 year old INTJ brother. Actually, most of the things on this list are found in more developed INTJ’s. Anyways, the ones I know will always be down to try something new if I can give them a logical reasoning for wanting to do it. And sometimes, they’ll just do it because they know it’ll make me happy. Some coaxing needs to be done sometimes, but since they want to be knowledgeable about all experiences, they’ll usually want to do/try whatever it is. They do put their foot down on some things though. This paragraph should have been prefaced with saying you can not make an INTJ do anything it does not want to do. <–important. They will leave you stone cold and alone if you try to force them into anything they say no to.

*I might make a part two to this because I have a few other ideas I can’t quite put into words at the moment. All of these are observations I’ve made and may be completely false to other INTJ’s, but I can only speak off of my experiences with them. I really hope this post is accurate and people like it but if not, I’m sorry in advance lol. This is all from the perspective of a 4w5 ENFP who has almost daily interactions with INTJ’s*