demisexual-kingdom

[demisexual-kingdom]

The City in Glass

Nghi Vo 

A demon. An angel. A city.

The demon Vitrine—immortal, powerful, and capricious—loves the dazzling city of Azril. She has mothered, married, and maddened the city and its people for generations, and built it into a place of joy and desire, revelry and riot.

And then the angels come, and the city falls.

Vitrine is left with nothing but memories and a book containing the names of those she has lost—and an angel, now bound by her mad, grief-stricken curse to haunt the city he burned.

She mourns her dead and rages against the angel she longs to destroy. Made to be each other’s devastation, angel and demon are destined for eternal battle. Instead, they find themselves locked in a devouring fascination that will change them both forever.

Together, they unearth the past of the lost city and begin to shape its future. But when war threatens Azril and everything they have built, Vitrine and her angel must decide whether they will let the city fall again.

The City in Glass is both a brilliantly constructed history and an epic love story, of death and resurrection, memory and transformation, redemption and desire strong enough to reduce a world to ashes and remake it anew.

(Affiliate link above)

[demisexual-kingdom]

My followers know I hate talking about politics and current events, and generally refuse to do so, but this is important.

A bill has been introduced in the US that would make all pornography a federal crime. Owning it. Creating it. Distributing it.

Under this law, fanart of nude characters would be a federal crime.

Under this law, depictions of homosexuality or simply being transgender, would be considered pornography and a federal crime.

This bill is not going to pass.

However, the reason for this bill is to continue to push the "overton window". The reason for this bill is to make banning pornography seem more and more normal to everyone until they can actually do that.

And remember, they consider depictions of gay characters and transgenders characters "pornography" in any context, including platonic.

They have been working on this for a decade now and it has been working.

If you are one of the people in fandom who thinks that "nasty" porn on AO3 should be banned because it's "icky" or "immoral", then this mental scam is working on you.

Censorship is never about protecting people.

Censorship is always about control.

Do not let the rising moral panic affect your mind and make you weak to propaganda that lets others control you and control what you watch and read.

Do not fall for the scam.

When they say they are going to ban "pornography" it means they're going to ban anything they don't like by calling it "pornography" and they don't like you!!

[demisexual-kingdom]

It’s here! I’m honored to have an essay in this brand new journal, The Jewish Asexuality Anthology. What a wonderful opportunity to explore some of my experiences with this particular overlap of identities - an overlap I share with ten other writers featured here. Get a copy of your own at the Linktree in my bio, and check out @jewishaceanthology for more information.

[demisexual-kingdom]

Sorry for the long ask, you don't have to answer it if you don't want to.

I think I might be demisexual. I've always thought that I was (gay) alloallo but after learning about the difference between aesthetic and sexual attraction... I'm not so sure. Still haven't found a good explanation of the difference between attraction and desire either. I've never related to my aspec friends when they talk about their sexualities.

I've always been interested in sex, but I'm not attracted to most people. I always thought that I just had a specific type, but now I see that I also need a connection to the person. Cruising and one night stands have never appealed to me at all- I don't want to have sex with someone I'm not attracted to. I know it's valid for acespec people to want and enjoy sex, and I do. That kind of intimacy is important to me, and I wouldn't want a relationship without it. I've had romantic feelings without sexual attraction to people before, and I haven't pursued those relationships for a reason. Sex is important to me.

I'm also confused because I am very attracted to my partner physically. When we first met, I thought he was good looking, and I felt romantic feelings for him almost immediately- but I don't think I felt sexually attracted to him until I knew him better. Now, I'm attracted to everything about him. Not just his personality and other secondary things, but to his appearance too. Could I still be demisexual if I am attracted to how he looks? Is that a stupid question?

Being demi wouldn't really change life for me. I'm committed to my partner and he fully accepts me if I am. It doesn't really matter if I wanted him carnally the moment we met or if it took time, right? I know that I don't have to use the label if I don't want to, but if it fits me, that's important to me. So why is it bothering me so much? I've never been upset by questioning my gender or sexuality before now. Is it just because it's new? Is this internalized aphobia?

Hi anon, don’t worry, I’m here to answer asks as best as I can.

The reason why is so hard to find good enough explanations about different kinds of attraction is that ultimately, the specific of the attraction itself, as well as what kind of explanation “clicks” for the one doing the research, heavily depends on the person. It’s frustrating as hell, I know.

We have tagged posts about different kinds of attractions you may want to try and check out, see if there’s something you hadn’t seen yet.

The degree on which someone enjoys sex and sexual interaction is not dependent on how or how often you experience attraction towards people.

What you say overall sounds like demisexuality, since you are attracted to someone you had already formed a connection with. 

The fact you are attracted to how he looks is basically a bonus, all kinds of different attractions can be independent from one another, depending on the person.

As for feeling uncomfortable about IDing as Demi, take things easy. I can’t tell you if it’s internalized aphobia, or just being uncomfortable at something new you don’t really understand yet.

Regardless, you don’t have to take that label as soon as possible, or ever.

I’d suggest interacting with demi communities specifically (even just lurk) to see what’s up.

Sexuality is fluid, and your comfort comes first.

If you’d rather explore the possibility calmly, you can absolutely go for it.

Feel free to send in more questions if you need

Wishing you a nice week <3

Mod Ruadhán

[demisexual-kingdom]

Same anon from earlier- I'm sorry if that ask was too personal! Not your job to help me determine if I'm demi, obviously.

Hi anon！No worries, I got your ask, I'll take some time to craft a good answer, feel free to poke me again if it seems like I forgot

[demisexual-kingdom]

Need to move states because of anti-LGBTQ+ policies?

Keshet and the Hebrew Free Loan Society are partnering to offer interest-free loans of up to $10,000 for individuals and families to support relocation costs to another state because of anti-LGBTQ+ laws, policies, and climate in their current state of residence.

Applicants do not have to be Jewish and can be moving from any state in the U.S. to any state in the U.S. (but not outside of the country).

Instructions on how to apply are at the above link. 💗

[demisexual-kingdom]

Happiness Will Come To You.

[demisexual-kingdom]

Anyone with a milk allergy needs to be on high alert. In the midst of a flurry of ongoing food recalls, the FDA has updated its initial recall of a handful of Cal Yee Farms' chocolate products to the highest risk level. Originally, the FDA announced a recall of numerous Cal Yee Farm products because they may have contained undeclared milk, soy, wheat, sesame, FD&C #6, and/or almonds. The recall has now been elevated by the FDA to the most serious level of recall, Class 1, for only a few of the affected products: the company's dark chocolate almonds, dark chocolate apricots, and dark chocolate walnuts because the chocolates contained undeclared milk.

[demisexual-kingdom]

Welcome!

This is a culture-is blog for Black asexuals, demis and greys, inspired by general ace-culture-is blogs.

Who is this for?

Black asexuals, Black demisexuals, Black graysexuals, Black alloaces, Black aroaces, Black non-SAM aces. All things Black asexuality. Mixed Black aces (Black and white, blasian, etc.) are welcome, just bear in mind the experiences of non-mixed Black aces, especially those who are dark-skinned.

If someone has made or will make a Black aro-centric page, let me know so I can tag you!

Submissions

Start with 'Black ace culture is...', 'Black asexual culture is...'

Keep all asks about Black asexuality

Rules

No racist, colourist, lesbophobic, homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, misogynistic or ableist asks

No ace/aspec exclusionists

No TERFs or radfems

Pfp is the Black asexual flag created by @caytheblkmermaid

[demisexual-kingdom]

For 2025 I want to give you all the best advice I took to heart last year which is simply “do it for the plot” bc doing anything good or bad is better than doing nothing at all and at the end of the day you’ll have a fun little story to tell and it will either be “omg do you want to hear about this crazy thing that happened that was awful” or “omg I gotta tell you about this awesome thing that happened” but like either way it’s good for the plot! Even if it’s scary or you don’t know if it will work out or not, at least it gives you things to look back on at the end of the year! You’ll learn more about yourself! Go forth and by any and all means possible: do it for the plot besties :)

[demisexual-kingdom]

having a ponder about being aromantic and the kinds of friendships or qprs I might want to have

[demisexual-kingdom]

[demisexual-kingdom]

I said this in the comments of someone else’s post, but I’m going to say this here. Taash identifying as non-binary is good actually, and in fact better than the dev’s making up some new term for them. Let’s get into it.

So for a bit of background, I’m non-binary and Thai. If you don’t know, Thai has specific terms for different gender-sexual identities, they’re quite old, they date back a few hundred years. However, the thing about culturally specific terms is just that, they’re culturally specific. The reason you use them is because you are tied to the culture in such a way that you gender-sexual identity cannot be disassociated from it. Because, to be clear, these terms are never just about your gender or sexual identity. They encompass a role you play within society itself.

For instance, in Thai culture we have tom/tomboys. These are AFAB folks who occupy a masculine societal role and date women. If you’re AMAB you cannot be tom. If you’re transmasc and feminine? You cannot be tom. If you’re transmasc and not attracted to women? You cannot be tom. If you’re transmasc and mostly date men? You cannot be tom. If you’re transmasc but don’t particularly feel like taking care of the girl you date, taking her out, being the ‘man’ in the relationship? You can’t really be tom.

Because the thing about culturally specific genders is that they come with a lot of rules. Being tom isn’t being non-binary. There are cis women who are tom, and there are non-binary people who are toms. You do not get eschew gender roles in these cases. You are quite literally taking one on. You have a role and place in society that has been made for you, and you are expected to carry it out.

Because of this, none of these terms are a one-to-one for other identities, and nor should they be. Being kathoey or hijra is not the same as being a trans woman or non-binary, and visa versa. You can be kathoey and not be trans. You can be trans and not be kathoey. Being aqun-athlok or any other specific term shouldn’t be either. The idea that it is, is more ahistorical and inaccurate than the word non-binary itself. Giving Taash some new, culturally specific term, would inherently tie them to a culture, and one perhaps that they didn’t feel apart of. Especially since Taash’s entire story is about struggling to figure out where they belong. Arguably the biggest issue with their story is that you have to make them decide, and fundamentally tying them to a term would’ve compounded that problem.

The reason I identify as non-binary and not a tom, is because I am not occupying some specific role in Thai culture. Despite living in LA, I rarely interact with other Thai people who aren’t my family. I do not live in a cultural context that would allow me to identify as a tom.

The thing about terms like non-binary, or trans, or agender, is that they’re meant to be acultural terms encapsulating the concept of truth to oneself and ones identity. Whereas culturally specific terms aren’t, they’re about the role you hold in society and where you fit in. It’s about your identity within a status quo. Taash is a character who is eschewing societal roles, and breaking the status quo, giving them those terms just wouldn’t work.

And finally? Using non-binary itself allows the writers to very specifically say where they stand. There is no space given to transphobes. You either accept that DA is queer-friendly or bust. And that’s a very important stance to make in an era where trans and non-binary folks are being actively targeted. There’s no ‘well Taash isn’t actually trans or non-binary they’re [insert term here]!’ Because people would’ve done that, we know they would’ve. This means people can’t do that. They have to just say that they have an issue with the term, and thus we can call them for what they are. Transphobes. Plain and simple.

So yeah, Taash’s identity does have nuance, it has a lot of it. And to be honest with you, I wouldn’t be surprised if Trick Weekes, a non-binary person whose wife is First Nations and thus from a group with culturally specific gender identities, knows about the difference between something like two-spirit and trans. And to be honest with you, using something like non-binary has nuance I doubt was actually afforded to Krem, considering they cast a cis woman to play Krem.

So yeah.

[demisexual-kingdom]

[demisexual-kingdom]

MOGAI TERM COINING !!

Aro-acespec + Arospec-ace

Aro-acespec : Someone who is aromantic and is also on the asexual spectrum

Arospec-ace : Someone who is asexual and is also on the aromantic spectrum

[demisexual-kingdom]

hi again, follow up question to the dating question !

how does dating work without attraction? 🤔

sorry i’m just a little confused cos i’ve never really done this before and never really felt strong romantic/sexual attraction before but do sometimes still want companionship… and is it bad to the other person if i date without actually feeling attracted to them that way?

It might help to think of dating while not experiencing romantic attraction like having sex without experiencing sexual attraction. Just like you don't need sexual attraction to feel good during sex or enjoy the interaction, you don't need romantic attraction to enjoy being in romantic coded situations or enjoy or get a lot out of being in a romantic relationship. And all the thing that make someone a good partner, developing a strong bond with the other person, caring about them, being supportive, etc, don't require romantic attraction feelings to accomplish.

People differ on how to feel about dating someone who isn't experiencing romantic attraction, some notice, some don't don't. For some people it's important to them, for some it isn't. If it's a concern it's not a bad idea to talk to these things with the person you're dating too and see what their feelings are on it too. For sorting out feelings, while not 100% a guarantee, a lot of people do also tend to be OK with someone who's sorting out feelings and not sure how they feel yet and willing to give them time. But it's OK to bring them in on that journey too if you want to or if you're concerned.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[demisexual-kingdom]

Happy New Year!

We at AVEN hope that 2025 will bring you much acceptance and comfort. We're here for you. It may seem tough...it may seem like this year will be unbearable at times, but we're in this together.

(A cat gif seemed appropriate.)