diaryofbillie

[diaryofbillie]

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Ummm imma just ignore the past month.

I basically took a break from tumblr but I’m backkkkk

I didn’t gain any weight but I loose any weight so I kinda just want to start a new blog just for the summer (I get bored easily and need a change)

So my new blog is @billiepiggy if you wanna follow it

Thanks 😘

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[diaryofbillie]

From the other day, I binged so went on a 5hr walk, it felt so good imma get into running again. (I broke my shoes mid way through the walk and had to put a period pad on my heel stop it blistering 😭)

[diaryofbillie]

Lost 1.2kg last week fs I used to be able to loose 2kg a week :/

[diaryofbillie]

Had a bowl of cereal today and 2 Nutella toasts= 850 cals :/ It’s only 1:30pm so imma fast for the rest of the day and burn off that 850cals. I just walked 10k and burned 430 cals. Im going to walk another 10k later.

(Btw I’m doing a diet where I can eat as much as I like as long as I burn off everything through exercise so my net cals are 0 and I end in a deficit of -1800 everyday)

[diaryofbillie]

Going to bed with a empty stomach. I forgot how fucking amazing it feels

[diaryofbillie]

I have eaten 230 cals today but went on a walk and burned 280. I feel so guilty I was meant to be fasting. I’m going to go on a walk in a second and try burn another 100 cals :/

[diaryofbillie]

I ended up getting high last night and got insane munchies so oopsies ig I literally hate myself… anyways I’m fasting today to burn off what I had yesterday and creating a plan on my next fast

Hey, I’m going to doing a 7 day fast (I’m going to allow myself to have redbul zeros and diet fizzy drinks) I’ll be recording it on here, if any one has any advice pls let me know I’ve only ever done 3 day fasts.

[diaryofbillie]

Hey, I’m going to doing a 7 day fast (I’m going to allow myself to have redbul zeros and diet fizzy drinks) I’ll be recording it on here, if any one has any advice pls let me know I’ve only ever done 3 day fasts.

[diaryofbillie]

Having a tube forced down my nose was one of the most traumatic experiences I had in hospital.

I tried to draw what I remember but it’s hard when this time of my life is very blurry however I remember exactly how it felt. I was shouting at my mum to tell the doctor to take it out while my body went into shock and lost feeling in all my limbs and I couldn’t move. I was too weak to move so I just had to lie there feeling cold calorie compressed liquids being pushed down the tube.

I will never forgive myself for letting my mum see me in that state.

[diaryofbillie]

I’m a mess and so fucking alone

I can’t this shit anymore

[diaryofbillie]

Idk even know if I’m alcoholic but I can’t even make it 4 days without drinking and I hate myself for it.

I’m constantly stuck with the guilt of the calories in the vodka so I just drink more to forget about it.

[diaryofbillie]

209 cal tortilla pizza 👍

[diaryofbillie]

My feet are covered in blisters, my arms and legs are covered in scars, my hairs is thin, my teeth are yellow and my skin dry.

An0rexia isn’t attractive.

[diaryofbillie]

I’ve lost so many of my teenage years from being in Ed treatments that I literally have the social skills of a 16yr old

[diaryofbillie]

People don’t understand body dysmorphic disorder is a disorder. I’m not just a little insecure. My brain will tell me I look like I’ve gained 10kg and I will not leave my house for days cause I believe I’m obese. But wait that’s not the best part of this disorder… after believing I’m obese for days suddenly I look in the mirror and I’m skinny and I believe I’ve lost 10kg in matter of seconds. And it’s this cycle over and over and i believe it every.fucking.time.

[diaryofbillie]

All I think about is food and my weight and calories and the how to burn them so if I recover what would i think about? Like wtf would I even be?

[diaryofbillie]

Bro has anyone else had psychosis caused by malnutrition cause I swear no one ever talks about it