elaemae

[elaemae]

Filipino Isekai

[elaemae]

Op please tell us where you found ur husband, I'm legit crying rn why does the men around me suck sm

I read an AITA post a few weeks back about a woman who liked having snacks in the bath when she's had a long day (a result of residual trauma iirc - the bath was her safe space). Her brand new husband of three weeks, a man twice her age who had no job, made her pay all of his bills and do all housework, and spent all day every day gaming because he wanted to make it as a Twitch streamer, had always been fine with this; but, on the day in question, had whisked her bath snacks out of her hands as she was on her way to the bathroom and tried to bin them, telling her it was time to 'break her of that filthy habit in his home'. She told him if he ever actually paid anything towards the house she owns outright he might get a say, took her snacks back, and had her lovely bath. He was since giving her the silent treatment.

(Obviously the judgement was an avalanche of 'NTA and also he's abusing you', which she agreed with, and decided to kick him out, so happy ending.)

Anyway I told my husband about this and he was outraged. "I would never do that!" he told me, furious. "I would find it adorable if you had bath snacks!"

Since then, every time I try to have a bath (which I only do as a rare treat) after about ten minutes there has been an anxious scrabbling at the bathroom door.

"Elanor!" he says. "Do you have bath snacks? Do you need anything?"

My answer is irrelevant. He brings me wine and poptarts. Now I have bath snacks. I'm a bath snacks person. Last time he was literally sleeping on the sofa when I went for the bath. Somehow this still happened. I now have an eager bathroom butler. How did this happen. I have never been so decadent yet bewildered.

[elaemae]

Mutuals line up I'm giving you all one of these bad boys

[elaemae]

*Dr Doofenshmietz gestures at an empty area*

“BEHOLD THE PROCRASTINATOR!”

*empty area*

“I haven’t built it yet”

[elaemae]

[elaemae]

This is literally so accurate 😭 Bro is 50 feet deep in the ocean of denial

Cale: I'm not a hero.

Rosalyn: You literally ran into a burning building to save a child.

Cale: That was self-preservation.

Choi Han: ...How?

Cale: The kid was screaming too loud. I couldn’t nap.

[elaemae]

[elaemae]

showering:

pros: you get to feel clean. you get non greasy hair, non oily feeling skin, it just in general makes you feel better, more energised, refreshed.

cons: there are so many steps. oh my god are there so many steps. before getting into the shower there are steps. during the shower there are steps. and once youve gotten out of the shower? guess what!!! more fucking steps!!!!!!!! UGHHHH

[elaemae]

[elaemae]

Malleus being so friendless that he only ever messages Yuu. And since he's a lovestruck puppy, his SMS writing style eventually evolves from a formal, executive style, to an overly sweet and concerned softie type of tune both from mimicking Yuu's text lingo and from being generally just soft for them.

Which proves to be a bit of a problem when he messages other people.

🐉, to the Housewardens group chat: "Sorry. 🥺(⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) I'm running late today because we had to fix the dorm toilets. 😞 Lilia had too much tacos for dinner. 🤭 ╮⁠(⁠＾⁠▽⁠＾⁠)⁠╭"

🦁: "Wtf? What a terrible day to have eyes. And a brain."

💀: "kekw cursed wwwww 草"

🦦: "It's 👌🏽ok Malleus! Take ur time ☺️☺️☺️"

🌹: "Yuu?"

🐉: "No Rosehearts, this is Malleus. ☺️👍🏻"

👑: "You do NOT smile like that."

🐙: "Malleus, if you need plumbing services, Mostro Lounge offers it for a reasonable price! We also have top-grade diarrhea potions available that we can offer for a bargain, in case all of Diasomnia needs it. But to be absolutely certain this does not happen again, we can cater special tacos for your dorm with special considerations for stomachs that aren't accustomed to strong spices! Please DM me for more."

🐉: "Ashengrotto, what is a DM? (⁠人⁠ ⁠•͈⁠ᴗ⁠•͈⁠)

[elaemae]

Idk if its just me but I think Og!LQG in ur mass transmigration au should get to writhe in anguished anger (like a worm doused in salt) in some sort of floating spirit form as he watches Transmigrator!LQG do things and make mistakes he would never do, y'know... as a treat...

MT! Liu Qingge: Aw shit, the acid is melting my clothes!

OG! Liu Qingge, trying to strangle himself with a belt: why would you let yourself get EATEN IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?

[elaemae]

hey Elvis is the glass half full or half empty to you?

Woah mama it depends on whether you're filling or emptying

[elaemae]

If I were a security guard for a person who’s being targeted by assassins I simply wouldn’t devote my entire attention span to every single noise I hear.

[elaemae]

You don’t remember what you do for a living. Literally. You black out for 8 hours 5 days a week and a paycheck appears once per month.

[elaemae]

Art snobs are actually a thousand times less annoying than people who respond to everything with "it's not that deep bro"

[elaemae]

watching Seven Samurai

[elaemae]