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elleniemae · 20 days ago

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Fuck you thunderbolts headcannons. Cause I have so many and I cannot keep them to myself anymore.

Before we get started, it's important to note that the end cut scene means next to nothing to me. The russo brothers wrote that, so I do not care.

John chews tobacco. Did it for a bit as a kid but quit so he'd be healthy in the army. Once he took the serum and Lemar (Who was a huge influence on John quitting) died he started again because he knew it wouldn't necessarily kill him anymore.

Bucky still smokes on occasion. Not as much as he used to back in the 40s because he's been told how bad it is for him now and also because the taste has changed too much for him.

Yelena actually doesn't like vodka that much, she mainly drinks it because it reminds her of her family.

Alexei can cook in theory. The problem comes in the fact that he can only cook prison food.

Similar story with Bob but instead of prison food it's broke/high food. I'm talking spaghetti noodles with ketchup and hotdogs.

Not all of them are medicated but God they probably should be.

As a group they have a call and response codeword to check how bad they're feeling.

Goes something a little like this.

Call: Light levels?

Bad response: Low

Good response: High

At first, it was just for Bob until Bob used it for someone else, and then it spread to an entire team thing.

Someone has genuinely said something to the effect of "Yeah, but he's our asshole" about John before. Probably Bucky.

Every mission has a situation in which one team member has to reign in another one. At least once, the highest count was 15 times in one mission.

One time, the tower had a group watch of a JFK assassination documentary, and Bucky had to jump in and correct dozens of different mistakes.

Bob is super into Dungeons and Dragons but has never gotten to play. Instead he likes watching/listening to actual play shows.

Whenever someone is looking way too tense Alexei takes them to the training room and helps them punch it out. Via sparing or using left over boxing mits. This works a surprising amount of time

Alexei also has very strong opinions on American boxing.

They have collectively broken. So much furniture. Honestly most of the time it's an accident but still.

John only drinks really really strong coffee, everyone else in the tower puts something in it to offset the taste but it's just like straight jet fuel. This only becomes everyone else's problem because John is always the first person awake enough to make coffee in the morning.

Bob in contrast can't even have the most sugary taste covering coffee because somehow it will still taste bitter to him. No matter whats in it.

Ava is a coffee creamer girly but doesn't add extra sugar. Yelena in contrast doesn't like creamer but does add at least two spoons of sugar to every cup she drinks.

Ava loves pumpkin spice, Bucky also does but not as much and in secret. When Ava found out about this they started going to get coffee just the two of them to gossip.

One time they got lost in the wilderness post mission and while waiting for a pickup were arguing about what they were gonna eat. John pulls out like 10 MRE's. No one knew he had these on him and he claims to always be carrying at least one.

Alpine does live in the tower. Bucky just walks around the tower with Alpine hanging out in his jacket. It took a solid few days for the team to realize that the cat existed.

Alexei is allergic and does not care he will snuggle with the cat anyways.

Ava once got stuck on the couch for two hours with Alpine on her lap before just phasing out underneath them cause she felt guilty about trying to stand up.

Yelena did get a second guinea pig to keep the one she rescued company. Their names are Mak and Cheese.

Mak 100% has superpowers. There's a betting pool on what they are but Mak has not revealed them yet.

Fanny does not live in the tower, and is still staying with Kate Bishop. Yelena just worries she won't have enough time for a more active pet. Because Mak, Cheese and Alpine are all pretty self sufficient.

Ava likes to start games of tag and then phase through multiple walls to get away.

They once had a week long game of tag in which towards the end they were actually on a mission. Game only ended because the person who was 'it' last got injured.

Due to the fact that each of their serums are different the super soldiers are usually guessing what the other ones are like. Non super soldiers think they are the same but they do in fact have minor differences that really only matter to themselves, other super soldiers, and people trying to recreate the serum. The serum seems to be defined by the following things: Strength, durability, speed, agility, stamina, reflexes, and healing factor. (I personally would combine speed, agility and stamina but what do I know) ((Personally heightened senses should also be thrown in the mix but those are whats on the wiki))

As for how the three super soldiers of the Thunderbolts obviously they have all of these categories but: Alexei's serum gives him slightly better durability and healing factor, John's is mostly in speed, agility and stamina, and Bucky's falls more into strength and reflexes. It would be very close in all categories if they somehow were competing but those are the categories I think they would slightly better in. As for senses I think Alexei has the least best and John has the best best. All of them have crazy senses but John is the one who faintly hears heartbeats when standing next to people I fear.

When Clint found out Yelena was living in the old avengers tower he called her to tell her about all the old secret places he and Natasha had. As well as any other secrets that he remembered. Some of them were gone but most of them were still around.

The most popular nickname for John other then just straight up calling him an asshole is "Captain Taco John" or just "Taco John" he thinks Yelena started it but it was actually Alexei.

They've been banned from every axe throwing place on the East Coast. New ones that open on that side of the country get called by competitors warning them in advance.

John and Bob learned that no one else on the team had been to a waffle house before and then demanded they go.

When they finally did go post mission they found out that Bob is banned from most waffle houses in Florida and lower Georgia for reasons he cannot remember.

John is literally the worst liar once you get to know him. Like literally the most obvious tells in the world. No one tells him this though so he still thinks he's a decent liar.

Alexei did sign up to be a mall Santa one time. Yelena ended up being one of the elf helpers.

Yelena and Bucky are tied for most languages spoken on the team, with Ava in third and Bob in last.

Bob is learning how to speak Russian though.

Bucky threatens to shave his head whenever the others are up to crazy shit. Says it'd be faster then having to pull his hair out.

Bucky has a large collection of second hand paperbacks from the bookstore.

The most genuine everyone on the entire team has ever been is when they did secret Santa and everyone actually tried. It wasn't even like a requirement they all independently decided to try.

John talks to Lemar's parents but not his own. I refuse to believe that man had a good relationship with his parents look at him. He's a people pleaser and in the few scenes we get of him in Georgia I believe he doesn't even bring them up let alone go see them.

John has a weekly phone call from Lemar's parents. The others find out when they overhear him talking about them. Though he leaves out a lot of big and scary details as not to worry them. Actual quotes from this phone call "Mama they're all awful awful people." < said with a smile his face and heard through his voice proceeded immediately with "Of course I'm keeping em fed Ma'am they're all so bad at cookin'."

You can pry John Walker with a covered up southern accent from my cold dead hands. That man is from Georgia for petes sake. He tries to keep in understated because people in the military took him less seriously with the accent.

All of the group has a habit of talking with one another's accents which gets so brutal when two of them are Russian, one of them is British, two of them are southern, and the last one is a New Yorker.

Out of all of them the only one who has been able to defuse a bomb is Ava. Yelena is an explosives expert but only at setting them up. This comes up as a problem far more then you would think.

John, Ava, and Yelena are banned from having the remote while watching action movies because they will pause the movie and talk about the weapons/tactics being used for thirty minutes before continuing the movie. Only to do it again 5 minutes later.

Yknow that one episode of Phineas and Ferb where doctor doofinsmirtz is trying desperately to get this doll his daughter wanted when she was a child? Alexei did the same thing. To the point he went off grid for two days and came back just before the team was gonna go looking for him. Showed up covered in blood and bruises holding this pristine little doll out to her.

Yelena treasures that doll. It has special shelf in her bedroom. Though she did tell Alexei that if he ever pulled some shit like that again she'd beat his ass.

They all honestly did not want to get super close to each other at first. But when you live and work together for any significant amount of time you're bound to just start knowing shit about those people that you don't expect to know.

Also every single relationship between all of them was super rocky and unstable for a long time and still kind of are. Lots of things are going unspoken that probably shouldn't be but they're working it out together one thing at a time.

All of them know that the other people on the team are smart but sometimes it's easy to forget just how scarily competent your teammates are when they do weird dumb shit all the time at home.

Bucky is most of the teams emergency contact. Bucky's emergency contact is still Sam.

The first time any of them called the Watchtower home was when Yelena was a little delirious from being injured and it caused the entire rest of the team to freeze for a moment before continuing to get her medical help. After that they all kinda started doing it.

Alexei loves learning new things about pop culture and then trying to tell the others about it like they don't know. This would be more annoying if he wasn't right and most of them they actually did not know about it.

All of them have such wildly inconsistent pain tolerances that they find it hard to tell when one of them is actually injured or not.

Ava is still in contact with Bill Foster who upon hearing about the New Avengers travels to New York to figure out what is going on and if she's ok.

Ava also still has the teddy bear that Bill gave her.

They've given each other the most fucked up parody high school superlatives. John got worst post nightmare reaction, Bucky got most targeted weapon in a fight, Alexei got most likely to be a PR nightmare, Ava got least likely to break something important, Yelena got least likely to derail the mission to fight someone, and Bob got most likely to have the most randomly useful knowledge.

All of them are bad drivers, but the only ones actually authorized to drive are Alexei, Bucky, and John. Yelena always drives like she's in a car chase even when she definitely isn't, Ava never learned how to drive and doesn't want to because she's scared of phasing through the vehicle, and Bob also never learned how to drive properly (he can drive in theory, not as much in practice). As for why the other three are shitty drivers, despite owning a driving business I refuse to believe Alexei knows American driving laws, Bucky is still learning how modern vehicles work (other then motercycles he's got those down), and John drives like every vehicle is a military jeep aka borderline indestructible and very clunky.

The entire team actually hates being called the Avengers. Most of them are hoping Sam wins the copyright case, if not sometimes doing shit to try and help the case. Bucky in particular is trying to separate them from the government.

The relationship between the team and Valentina is very much one of mutual destruction. Both sides have social and physical ammo stashed away for the second the other side turns.

On missions they usually are joking around at least a little bit but the second anyone even might be hurt they all turn into the most serious scary motherfuckers. This also applies to people they work with on occasion, like Kate.

Sometimes the group have complete mind meld moments. Like full on don't even need to say a goddamn word because the other person already knows what you're asking them to do and is on it.

One time they ran into Sam while on a secret mission and he happened to be looking rough at the time. The last two things happened and scared the shit out of him if he's being honest.

One time in an interview someone asked if they would slap one of their teammates for a hundred dollars. Bucky responded that he gets to throw John out of windows for free. Johns only response to this was a shrug.

It's generally agreed upon that Ava is the scariest person on the team. She takes this honor and title very seriously.

Bob is the king of dropping the craziest shit you have ever heard mid conversation and then moving on.

Yelena loves rock climbing, borderline could do it competitively. There's a specific rock climbing gym nearby the tower that she becomes a regular at.

Ava has a label maker but she basically never uses it to organize things. Instead using it to write out short jokes/insults and sticks them to people, walls, doors, and one memorable time the ceiling.

Ava is a Paris Paloma listener. Her favorites are Labour and The Fruits.

One time Bucky used his detached arm like a baseball bat to knock an explosive away from them. The entire rest of the team proceeded to turn to look at him like he was crazy.

Honestly they all own far too many weapons. Like entire stores worth of weapons. They're scattered literally everywhere through the main areas of the tower, their bedrooms, and on their persons. It's mainly an issue because you have no idea if when you open something there's gonna be a fucking knife or a gun in there.

It is considered a big deal(tm) if someone hands you one of their weapons. Even if it's like trading or they just don't like/use it anymore.

John is a competent engineer and could fully fix/reverse the tacoificafion of his shield. For the first few months it a matter of pride on why he doesn't just fix it but after the like third injury because he isn't working with it right they have an intervention and he gets a new one.

There have been multiple arguments that span days at a time over tea. When the topic of any kind of tea comes up John 'what do you mean you've never had sweet tea' Walker and Ava 'Do none of you own a fucking kettle' Starr do have to be separated.

As much as they all work together really well. No one is as ride or die for each other as the 4 from the vault. Do not get it twisted they fight like cats and dogs but they are the only ones allowed to do that with each other.

Bucky is still trying to convince basically the entire team that he did not kill Princess Diana.

All of them collectively truly do not know how to be normal people not a single one of them. It is. Very noticeable.

Bob is one of those guys that has too many hobbies. They worry about him getting bored when he's at the tower alone but really he now just has access to so many things to do so many more hobbies then before so he is keeping his hands busy.

A byproduct of this is that Bob actually gives so many gifts to others. A good percentage of their decor is just stuff Bob has made or found.

He's also trying to get the others into having actual hobbies that aren't things like weapons training and jumping off buildings. It's been semi successful for the most part.

Bob actually isn't all that keen on physical touch, both because he doesn't want to send people into the void and because he just really is not used to it. It takes a while for him to even get used to pats on the back.

All of them have at least been arrested in the states before. They have a bail money fund at this point cause they keep accidentally getting involved in things they should not be involved in.

The reason most people just almost automatically default to calling Bucky Bucky is because he genuinely just looks so awkward and a little uncomfortable when you call him literally anything else. Barnes is ok ish but like. If you call him James he kinda just looks at you until you like feel the need to correct yourself. This is because when he initially started to break through the mind control the first name he'd been called other then the winter soldier in 70 ish years was Bucky.

Physical touch is also a big deal for everyone, mainly cause it has so many different meanings. When Ava touches you its either her reassuring herself that she can be solid or it's checking that the person she's touching is not about to fall apart. When Bucky touches you it's either to reassure the person he's touching that he's there to help or it's him trying to keep them from doing something stupid. When Alexei touches you it's him making sure the person has a pulse by feeling it in whatever limb he's touching or he's trying to get them out of a situation he thinks is bad. Yelena also touches people to feel their pulse, but because of her lack of serum she has to do pulse points, or she's trying to help the person calm down and be reassuring to herself and them. John touches people to thank them without actually thanking them or he's trying to get their attention. Bob doesn't typically initiate touch unless it's to help someone out or to keep track of them and how they're doing.

People like to talk about the codependency between Yelena and Bob and don't get it twisted they are the most guilty and the peak of it but also that entire team is codependent as fuck. They barely function without each other, if one person were to die every one else would die in the process of getting revenge and or afterwards. They all have no sense of chill about each other no matter how much they all like to pretend otherwise.

Alexei actually likes to sketch and draw. He designed all of his tattoos and has no idea that this is something he has in common with the original Captain America.

#yes #to all of these #i am not a creator of headcanons i am a stealer #thunderbolts*

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