elmodoescrimes

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my first ever finished wolfstar art 🙌🏼

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Barty: Maybe in another life, we get to die together.

Evan: Maybe in another life, we don't die at all.

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red and dark blue.

@marylily-my-beloved @worstwolverinesbf @shydeerwolf @residentdisaster @uhhlifeig

Oh boy lookie what I found here

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💋!!!!!!!!!!! JILY !!!!!! 👓🤏🏻

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They’re gay your honour

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so my mum’s job is a kid entertainer, and next week, she has a week long event called ‘pirate week’

she is currently blowing up blow-up dolphins

I hate dolphins except for belugas and river dolphins, so I only hate regular dolphins and orcas, the only dolphins she has blow-up versions of. I also hate pilot whales but she doesn’t have those

I told her that she shouldn’t be conditioning the next generation to believe these types of dolphins are good and cute and that sharks are scary

sharks are like dogs. they only attack when they feel uncomfortable and threatened, and any other time, if you’re good with them, they will be so loving and friendly

the dolphins she has are rapists and killers

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Barty: Actually cannibalism is legal in a lot of countries, it's just that most ways of acquiring human flesh or organs are illegal.

Marauders:

Skittles:

Evan, smiling: Keep going, honey.

Barty: so technically if someone agreed to it in a legal way, you could eat them.

Marauders, terrified:

Skittles, not surprised:

Evan: I know what we're doing next week.

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Literally Jegulus.

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Remus: okay Harry, can you spell “blue”?

*5-year-old Harry*: B-L……-E…-U

James: no sweetie, that’s not-

Regulus coming from the kitchen: THAT’S FRENCH!

James: love, I don’t think he-

Regulus: MON PETIT GÉNIE!

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Regulus: We need to distract them so we can go.

James: Leave it to me.

James: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

The Rest of The Marauders and Skittles: *start arguing*

Regulus: *smirks*

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Regulus: Hey Barty-

Barty *laughing manically*: I love to lather myself in coconut oil and slide around the bathroom like a penguin

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Marauders and their quote from my DND campaign

jame: Namrock. Namrock come closer. Closer. Come closer Namrock. *pause* (whispered, with the most emotion I've ever heard in a sentence) I’m in love with you.

sirsisius: MY PARENTS WERENT INCESTUOUS THEY WERE COUSINS NOT SIBLINGS!!! ):<

peder: I do not care that the dragon is burning the town down sir, you are stepping on my plant.

rehm: NO! YOU CANT MAKE ME PROCESS MY TRAUMA! I WONT LET YOU!!

lillith: I spilt my wine, I'm about To KILL A BITCH.

marey: I am an independent gnome, that being said, could you please piggyback me or something?

mahrlehn: (gets kicked out of a bar) I cast disguise self and go back in.

(d)orca: Pat pat you short ass motherfucker

(r)egg: (to bart probably) How do you still have toxic masculinity? YOU SLEEP WITH MEN!!!

barry: (takes 10 damage because he fucked a gargoyle) but was it good?

rosie: YOU DEFECTIVE FUCKING Q-TIP!!!

Pandorf: YOU ARE OPPRESSING MY JOY AND WHIMSY! BEGONE!

xenosyphyllus: And I shall dub thee, Crystal Metheny. (to the crystal rock gollum guy)

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While making dinner tonight, I very very fleetingly, but very seriously and legitimately thought “I should watch Goncharov tonight”

And then I Remembered.

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Random Hogwarts student:Is it true that you fucked your brother

James: Why the hell would you think that

Sirius passing by:

You brotherfucker, don't even look at me

James:....

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fuck if i know i was half asleep when i did it

Marauders as a food I've eaten in the last 6 months

jam: honey maple fried chicken (idk wtf it is my friend gave it to me)

Pete: Stolen half of a sausge roll that made my friend ask me if I was vegan (ITS A FUCKING SAUSAGE ROLL YOU IDIOT)

Sirsus: Very pretty swirly hot chocolate brewed in redbull instead of water

romulus: gingernut. (if you dont know what taht is, fuck you, but also fair enough)

LIL: vodka soaked raspberries

mahriee: chescake frozen yogurt (speciffically pronounced yog-urt)

marlen: frozen redbull iceblock covered in sherbert

regul: dark chocolate

barry: wheet-bix and pineapple monster instead of milk

Evie: the spicy friedchicken that made me cry

Dorahcas: peanut butter chocolate and also the pretzels dipped in peanut butter

Pandarah: that one attempt at making curry that turned out decent

xeno: my friend's marmite and jam sandwhich

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chronically gay