elsieashbolt

[elsieashbolt]

Do you ever look through dating profiles and notice all the skydiving pictures?

I was looking at one and randomly wondered ‘do people ever lose their shoes while skydiving?’ It wouldn’t surprise me; they’ve already temporarily lost their footing with the ground—choosing to let go of being grounded to feel the thrill of being untethered, unshackled. Why wouldn’t they have lost something else in the process? Hopefully it wasn’t actually their shoes, but their sense of being bound by limitations.

I am too afraid to go skydiving, but I’m also afraid to think I could be capable of being more than I am now. Maybe I should start going out of my comfort zone and taking risks?

[elsieashbolt]

You were a whisper in the dark.

I turned around only to see shadows.

You vanished like a plume of smoke dispersing in the air.

I could never hold you for there was nothing to hold onto.

You were my ghost.

A phantom from another life.

You were a memory of a love that never existed.

Only wishful thinking—a sweet dream I needed to wake up from.

You slipped back into the coffin that is the back of my mind.

Once the night fades away, I’ll live again and rise with the sun at dawn.

[elsieashbolt]

Sometimes I still think about you even when I know I shouldn’t.

Sometimes I’m angry with you…sometimes I just miss having someone to talk to…I miss feeling like someone might actually care enough to love me.

But I know that’s not true—I know I am loved by so many people even if it’s not the kind of love I’m looking for.

Someday I hope to find it, but for now I must choose to be grateful for all the people in my life and not take them for granted. Ever.

[elsieashbolt]

I wanted to share my world with you, but you were interested in exploring other places. I watched as you disappeared into the mist, foolishly hoping you’d turn around and come back…you never did.

[elsieashbolt]

One of the worst things is being at work trying to hold back the tears in front of customers after getting heartbroken.

[elsieashbolt]

Defining Self-Love

A personal reminder (credit to Sunisshiningandsoareyou on 7 Cups)

🍁 Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness.

🍁 Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others.

🍁 Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

🍁 Self-love means treating yourself well.

🍁 Self-love means accepting yourself as you are in this very moment for everything that you are. It means accepting your emotions for what they are and putting your physical, emotional, and mental welling-being first.

[elsieashbolt]

The Words I Wish You Had Said To Me:

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—

I’m sorry I kept saying the wrong thing every time we talked.

~

I’m sorry I only made you cry whenever you tried so hard to show me how great you are, but i always chose to stay blind.

~

I know you wear your heart on your sleeve and I understand how sweet and genuine you are, but I couldn’t be what you needed.

~

I could only return your heartfelt words with short and cold replies.

~

I was too immature to care beyond a pretty face and a nice body.

~

I didn’t care about your personality, your quirks, your aspirations, your dreams, your needs.

~

I didn’t want your heart that you held out hoping I would take to cherish.

~

I wasn’t man enough to accept the wonderful woman that you are.

~

You deserve to be with a person who sees how truly beautiful your soul is and would never take it for granted.

~

I hope you find him some day.

~

Until then, please don’t ever let my stupidity make you believe that you aren’t worth being loved.

~

You are worthy of love.

[elsieashbolt]

Lately I’ve been contemplating all my past heartaches that have never led anywhere. For all my anger and anguish over all the times I have suffered unrequited love—which was really just limerence—how sad would it have been had my “affections” been returned only for me to later realize none of those feelings were ever true? What I thought was affection was truly obsession driven by loneliness and a lack of self-love.

Why disrespect the other person by forcing fake feelings on them and expecting them to love you back?

[elsieashbolt]

Still learning to practice self-love. ❤️‍🩹