evergreenforestcreature

[evergreenforestcreature]

Brain Wrinkles 5

I'm happy but I'm also really miserable.

I'm excited for things to come. I have a trip coming up and I'm seeing friends again and going to a convention. This will be our third year and it's been fantastic.

...but then I feel like a problem, a burden, an annoying little tick that people just can't get rid of. Do people actually like me or do they pity me? I feel like I'm in the way a lot lately.

Traumatic memories keep popping up recently. Maybe that's why I feel this way. Graphic, uncomfortable dreams and people I don't want to think about or see are in my minds eye, I can't get them to go away.

I'm trying my best.

Some people don't seem to get it.. but I guess there is nothing to get. It's my problem after all.

At least I showered today.

[evergreenforestcreature]

[evergreenforestcreature]

[evergreenforestcreature]

Brain Wrinkles 4

I've been pretty productive these past few days. It feels great.

but my back HURTS

So does my chest

It's the anxiety that gets to me

I was just in the shower today and was thinking to myself...

Sometimes I just wish I could fall over and just give up. Lip noodle the rest of my life and soar through this wasteland high on some kind of ecstasy.

Give up and be done with the world, with trying and with needing to do things all of the time. I'm unhappy, unsatisfied with some things.

Dysphoric, sad, anxious, afraid, terrified, petrified

My mind is right but my body is dissatisfied

Giving up would be easy

but I won't

[evergreenforestcreature]

I wish I was skinny and beautiful but also strong and handsome

[evergreenforestcreature]

Explore the enchanting beauty of a misty forest trail. Immerse yourself in the peaceful serenity of nature as you wander...

[evergreenforestcreature]

We have always existed, and we always will.

[evergreenforestcreature]

"How are you?"

"I'm good, yourself?"

"I'm okay!"

I am so ugly.. my face is fat, it's unsightly.

I feel undesirable.

I'm annoying. I do annoying things.

I'm useless.

I can't even blame most things on autism because I don't even have a diagnosis.

I'm just worthless and unable to do things because I'm stupid.

I'm an imposter.

[evergreenforestcreature]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CwnS-euNhNK/

[evergreenforestcreature]

Brain Wrinkles 3

I'm listening to AURORA and drinking a monster trying to wake up and be a human today. It's hard.

One of my sisters moved into their new house and didn't tell me about it. I feel a bit left out but hopefully I get to go over there and see them and their new home soon.

I feel like the weird family member that is the misplaced shadow on the wall.

My two sisters on my mothers side are the only family that speak to me and care about me. I have a big family. A lot of my other family don't know who I am and will not reach out to me. They hate me because I am a bastard child. They are all also Christian. Whether or not those two things are correlated is not up for debate.

I'm just a person.

I stopped writing for a moment because my kitty wanted to be held. He's so soft and loving.. and he doesn't make me feel invisible. I am grateful for him. Gonna sip my monster and eat some cheese balls.

[evergreenforestcreature]

Ultra Paradise lime green Monster is where it's at

[evergreenforestcreature]

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: My stomach hurts ･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧

[evergreenforestcreature]

[evergreenforestcreature]

[evergreenforestcreature]

People don't think before they speak and think it's funny to mock others but then end up hurting people they actually care about in the process. Then wonder why they always end up pushing people away.

I've personally been victim this exact thing.

Someone who supposedly cared about me body shamed someone else they didn't even know without realizing that I have the same trait. More times than once.

People who look different than you are not jokes.

They are people.

"neckbeards" are a common facial hair pattern for people with PCOS and hirsutism and people who go on T and people who have a lot of weight on their face. It is not funny or cool or based to use physical features as a moral attack, and especially not when it's a common feature of intersex people and trans people and fat people and countless other types of people who society already mocks.

[evergreenforestcreature]