fayegracexo

[fayegracexo]

Letting Go & Healing: a How-To Guide - (Part 1)

I’m starting this series for anyone who needs help letting go of their past, or moving out of their current situation, to get to greener pastures. Perhaps you already started your healing journey and just want some extra tips on how to heal, or maybe you’re taking your first step just by reading this. This is for both of those people. Some parts may apply to you, some may not. Feel free to take what you need from this post and skip the parts that don’t apply. I simply wish to offer my experiences up as a lifeline. I have this written for victims of abuse like myself, especially women, but this advice can apply to any healing or toxic situation. I’ll also have to post in parts to avoid an entire novel :) I hope this finds it’s way to those who need it.

  Letting go, is perhaps the hardest part of the healing journey. It can take time, and lots of it, to put all the pieces back together…but here’s the secret. Sometimes, the pieces aren’t meant to go back in the exact order they were already in. Instead, we take our broken shards and put together a new stained glass masterpiece, more beautiful than the last. I think that’s why some people have a harder time in their healing journey than others. We are constantly trying to go back to who we were before the hurt, before we felt broken…but the truth is, we aren’t that person anymore, and we cant go back to that. However, we can build a new version of ourselves, and decide what pieces we’d like to carry with us, and what we’d like to leave behind.

  I am not writing this to tell you my way is the best way. I am not offering blanket advice for all issues out there, or promising this will work for you. I can however, tell you what worked for me, how I did it, and offer you some options, a starting point. As much as I’d like to fix your hurt personally, unfortunately, that work lies with you. I can lend advice, share tactics and tips, but ultimately it’s up to you to do the work. 

  If you’re up for the challenge, read on. If you’re not ready to let go yet (because let’s be honest, we have to reach a point of WANTING to release our hurt, not hold the shards of our past anymore and let them keep cutting us, we have to want to let go and release. It can take years to get to this point! Be patient with yourself, you’ll get there.) then bookmark this for another time, and come back when you feel ready; because this isn’t easy, and involves a long road filled with shadow work, tears and opening old wounds; but I can say the end makes it worth the work. Crying from joy is one of the most intense emotions I’ve ever experienced in my life, and I used to think that was just an “in the movies” thing. No, it’s real. I hope you get to also someday. Let’s begin.

(Trigger warning for this next section) 

  Real quick before we start, at the risk of talking about myself, I want to give a short background on for what reason I’m even sharing this, so you know I’m speaking from experience, and see where I’m coming from.

  I’m an abuse victim myself. I’ve been r*ped more than once, held against my will, had death threats and been stalked on numerous occasions. I’ve been sent scary packages/letters, had people I loved try to choke the air and life from my lungs. I’ve been cheated on, thrown into walls, emotionally and mentally abused. I’ve had lovers steal from me, and try desperately to ruin my life and take any later happiness from me. I used to be an absolute doormat, had zero self esteem or self love/self worth for myself, and while that’s much, MUCH better than it was, some days I still work on the loving myself part, and that’s ok. I checked myself into a mental hospital twice, and have a few suicide attempts under my belt, and numerous self harm scars in various places. I’ve had to get restraining orders, call the cops and take exes to court more than once. I’ve moved and changed my name many times for safety, I’ve went into hiding, been found, lost everything and started over again from scratch, also more than once. 

  Thankfully, over the years, I learned to get my voice back, my power back, my strength back, my fight back. I’ve wrote about and made money off my pain, shared my story in front of audiences, talked to students and other people like myself, and made something beautiful out of a life that shouldn’t have been. At this point, I can truly say, this is the most evolved form of myself yet, and the absolute happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. I now live with true joy, the world looks colorful and bright again, I haven’t self harmed or thought about suicide in years. I’m head over heels in love with someone I swear to Goddess is my one true soulmate, and we’re about to make this life of mine even more beautiful. I’m telling you all this to say, it does get better…if you want it to…but it takes work. You can lose everything over and over again, but as long as you have the will to keep getting back up and fighting, and don’t let anyone take that from you, you can always build and even more beautiful, fulfilling life, over the ashes of the old one. 

“Sometimes you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn, and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of yourself” 

“Don’t be afraid to start over, This time you’re not starting from scratch, you’re starting from experience.”

“There can be no rebirth without a dark night of the soul, a total annihilation of all that you believed in and thought you were.” - Hazrat Inayat Khan

So enough of that, here’s how I got here.

Part One: Fix the Environment 

  There is a saying, “Bloom where you are planted”, as beautiful as it is, I disagree. It doesn’t consider all situations. Yes, bloom THE BEST YOU CAN where you are planted, WHILE you are planted there…but nothing beautiful grows in toxic soil, and you cannot stay there and expect to thrive. I prefer “When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” (Alexander Den Heijer) 

  You are not broken. There is no sustenance in your soil. You need to get out of that soil, out of that environment, and find richer ground. First step of that? determining what your soil is. 

  Toxic relationship/person? Toxic family? Addiction? Work environment? Living situation? Or is it a number of these things? Or something else? Whatever it is…you need to get out; and here’s where the biggest problem can lie for some. You first have to ACCEPT that this environment is bad for you…and dead honesty? Some people never make it past this step. Some are drawn into their excuses for staying or keeping the toxic habit/environment…and there always is an excuse to stay if you want one. You have to REALLY want out, and have the will to do it, or to be frank, there’s no point in reading further. You can’t make the same excuses and stay in the environment and heal, trust me I’ve tried, and spent years telling myself it would get better, they would change. Well it doesn’t, and they don’t. It gets worse. You need to take your power back and leave. Determine how you need to do that, and do it. Quit that job? Disconnect from family? Move? Leave your toxic lover? Check into rehab, and break the addiction? Whatever it is, that’s what needs done. Your soul knows what you really need, listen to it.

  “Easier said than done! I have kids! What about money?! They still love me! I still love them! I’d have to start over!”

Ever hear, “If there’s a will, there’s a way?” Get the will, the way exists. 

  There is help available for all of these problems, if you’re willing to do the research, and reach out for help- talking from experience here. Here’s just a few options to help, but there is many, MANY more. The domestic violence center can provide you a cell phone to hide to use to call for help, and reach out to programs, people donate used ones. There are ways to secretly tell a doctor about your unsafe home situation. Government programs are also available to just give you a free cell phone, with minutes and text available. There are food banks, Social Services programs, WIC, and churches (you don’t have to attend them) willing to help with food and money related problems. There are ways to pay your electric bill if you have a shut off notice, ways to help hide you and your children from abuse. There are LAWS allowing you to leave your home, lease or not, to escape a situation (I have used this myself). I’d provide links but the names of these organizations vary by state, so my advice is to contact a social services worker or a domestic violence center/women’s shelter, and tell them everything. They can get you started. Starting with programs like this, can allow victims some small room to start hiding a little bit of money away, or a lifeline, to take their leave. There is much, much, more on this, so don’t get discouraged and think that’s it. 

  Aside from that, one of the hardest parts of this, is the acceptance of your situation. If you are being hurt, they do not love you. Even if they say they do, bring you gifts, put food on the table or pay your bills. Physical things and words do not equate love. Even if you love them, they do not see you as an equal, they are not capable of love, no matter how convincing they sound. Look up narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or “Gaslighting” if you’ve never heard these terms before. It’s not uncommon for abusers to convince their victims they’re crazy, or try to make them out to be the problem. Often times our abusers have more wrong with them than we originally see. Perhaps it comes from their parents, childhood, or a mental illness, whatever it is, it’s time to start seeing the red flags instead of looking through the rose colored glasses. See your reality.

  We must come to a point where we stop hoping for the life we wanted, and wishing things would change on their own…and live in, and accept, the reality we are actually in.

  Second painful part of this? Often times we don’t have the self esteem to leave. Yup. I was there too. 

“This is the best I’ll ever get! Who else would love me? How could I ever start over? How could I ever be alone? What if I miss them?” - Any of that sound familiar?

 Believing the things your abuser tells you, is exactly what gives them the power to keep doing what they’re doing. You are not worthless. You are capable and worthy of love. You are talented, and don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be. The toxic people in our lives want us to believe these things to keep us in line, keep us around to use and hurt, and so they can keep the control…so stop giving them that power.

“Again, easier said than done lady!!!”

  But possible…with a will. You have to work on getting your self esteem back, thus taking your power back. This involves retraining your brain. To do this, I would reply back in my head (sometimes it’s not safe to say it to them, but you can if you’d like) after my toxic person would say something nasty to me. Make it snarky if you’d like, the attitude helped me.

 “You’re useless! Good for nothing! You can’t do anything!”

My Brain: “Yet here I am doing your laundry, cleaning the house, cooking your dinner, because you don’t have the brain cells to boil water, know how to turn on a washer and are too lazy to push a vacuum. I do everything for you, because you’re incapable yourself”

Whatever it is they try to say to say, respond back in turn. They say you’re ‘this’ and ‘that’…you remind yourself you’re ‘this’, ‘this’ and have done ‘that’.

  The point here is to start proving them wrong, to start to allow yourself to challenge them, even if it’s only in your head (again sometimes it isn’t safe to fight back and you need to go about leaving in a secretive way. You can determine that) 

“You’re weak!”…”Yeah? well watch me do this…” shock the shit out of them.

  Remind yourself of things you’ve accomplished in your life, the things you’re good at, your proudest moments. Once you start retraining your brain to see the good in you again, this will get easier. You’ll think of more, the wit comes back, your attitude comes back…your fire comes back…your confidence comes back…and with that confidence and fire? You can burn away this life, and find the strength to leave. Once you see your worth again, you’ll see your time is being wasted with the wrong person, and you can do better. Let yourself be angry with them, let yourself see their flaws and shortcomings, it will fuel you. You might even start to hate them…GOOD.

  For me, this process took about 6 months. It could take longer or shorter for you, there’s no set time so don’t get discouraged, but you will reach a point where you finally realize you’ve had enough, and you’re done. I realized I was done with him, the relationship, that life, in my head far before he had any idea…and wow did I really, REALLY hate him. Frankly? I had the blinders taken off, realized I was never in love at all, and saw what an…pardon the French…absolute JACKASS he was!! How could I have been so blind, to date someone so awful to me? so awful to others? I could do better. So I did. He was shocked when I finally put my foot down, started saying no, and finally left for good. I will remember for the rest of my life how good that felt, it’s one of my proudest moments. I hope you feel that joy someday too, that weight off your shoulders.

Part One Summary

  To keep this at a readable length, I’m breaking this into parts, bite sized pieces for you to chew on/work on until the next section ;) so today’s lesson?

“If there’s a will, there’s a way” - Whatever your environment is, there’s a way out of it, and options/help available if you want there to be. Start now thinking of ways to get out of your toxic soil, after determining what that soil is made of. 

  If it’s relationship oriented, start working on your self esteem/self worth again, to build up the confidence to leave, if you’re not able to walk away right now. If you can walk away now…do it…now. Yes really. Go see them, text or call if you don’t feel safe, and take the garbage out. Get your stuff back if they have anything of yours (the police can assist with this if needed! also done that) and wake up free tomorrow. 

  If it’s anything else, seek new employment opportunities, look up rehab centers, new places to live, whatever it takes to get you out of this current unhealthy environment. 

[fayegracexo]

Dry Brushing Self Care: The ‘Why’ & ‘How’

A few weeks ago when I mentioned I had added dry brushing into my self care routine (On Instagram! @selfcarewitchxo) , I got so many messages about it I thought it best to do a blog post and explain why and how! Just by adding 5 minutes to your routine you can be healthier physically, mentally, and emotionally...it’s also my secret for Goddess soft skin! What’s not to love?! 

So let’s get started!

“What is it?”

  Dry brushing is an ancient technique that involves using a dry, natural bristle brush in a rotating massaging motion, to help get the lymphatic system moving. This eliminates toxins from the body, and removes dry skin. Dry brushing can improve the appearance of cellulite, give your skin a healthy glow and help it better absorb moisture from beauty products; It even helps with muscle tone! Many cultures have practiced dry brushing. In Ayurvedic medicine “Garshana” was completed each morning prior to bathing, the Native Americans and Greeks were also known to use this technique!

“Why?”

  Over time and thanks to gravity, the lymphatic system can become sluggish. Dry brushing aids the body in the natural process of removing waste and delivering nutrients where they need to go. It’s a great way to get those stagnant toxins and excess water to move on out! 

  Lymph congestion can be a major factor to disease and inflammation, so improving our blood flow helps deliver oxygen and nutrients our cells need! Poor circulation can cause swelling, pain, and varicose veins. By massaging this system in such a motion we can smooth out cellulite and soften fat deposits under the skin, giving our skin a better appearance, and since we’re stimulating muscle fibers, we can help build muscle tone, which aids with sagging skin concerns. 

  Dry brushing also exfoliates our skin and removes dead skin cells, this not only makes us softer (especially when paired with a shower and body lotion/oil afterwards!) but allows the skins pores to be unclogged and more open to accepting and absorbing any moisturizers or other products we may use. With our pores unclogged, we’re also able to sweat out toxins more easily! 

  Lastly dry brushing is a great technique for those with anxiety, or who need a little extra help in the self care/self love department! Brushing can be very stress relieving as it eases tension in the body. Some people like to turn their dry brushing sessions into some serious self care time, or even a mediation practice!

“How?”

  First we want to start with our brush, and don’t worry, they’re not expensive! We always want to choose a brush that has all natural fibers, not synthetic ones! The point is to be gentle, not inflame our skin and hurt it, so scratchy kitchen brushes and other heavy duty bristles just won’t do. I use a round 100% natural boar bristle brush with massage nodules and a strap handle. You don’t have to pick the same shape or have the nodules, that’s just personal preference! Some like long handled brushes, but I like mine large and round with the strap to easily maneuver it around without dropping it. Click here for a link to my exact brush on Amazon, but again the choice is yours! I like the round shape as I find it helps with the circular motions.

  Next, “When?” - While dry brushing can be done any time of day, most suggest making it a part of your routine right before your morning shower. Brushing wakes up the nervous system by stimulating nerve endings in the skin, and gets the blood moving, which can provide an invigorating energy to boost your morning! Some people report feeling more awake or motivated after their session; but before a bath and bedtime is just fine too! It’s whatever works best into your schedule.

  Dry brushing takes about 2-5 minutes, or longer if you’d like to take your time, so no worries about finding the time to cram in another part to your routine! This is fast and simple. If you can fit it into your schedule everyday that’s fantastic! But if not no worries even once or twice a week would make a great goal.

  Now let’s start brushing! If you can’t tell from the title, we want to do this with a dry brush. A dry brush will exfoliate off all those dead skin cells we want to rinse off in the shower later, without removing the natural oils of our skin. 

  The lymphatic system flows toward the heart, so we want to do this in a circular motion, working toward the heart. Always start at your feet. Pick a side to start with, and brush up in circular motions toward the heart, up the front of your leg to your thigh. Then reach towards the back of your leg and brush back up the leg until you reach your lower back. Do this about 3x then repeat the process on the other leg.

  After our lower body we move to our arms. Put one arm over your head, brush down from the wrist, down your inner arm, lightly brush over the underarm and outer breast tissue (avoiding the nipple, ow!), down the back of your arm, to your shoulders, and neck. Repeat this about 3 times before moving to the other arm and repeating the same. Once we reach the stomach we want to go in circular motions over the belly/abdomen. 

  As we are brushing we want to do this gently, and remember we are lightly stroking our skin with the brush, not scrubbing. Skin may be slightly pink after dry brushing but should never be red, inflamed, burny or itchy! If so, you’re brushing too hard and need to lighten your hand a bit! Always remember never to dry brush over inflamed or open skin either. We want to make ourselves feel good and healthy,not hurt! We also do not use this brush to exfoliate our face! Face skin is much too delicate and there’s other techniques available for that. Pay special attention to the underarms and inner thighs/buttocks as those areas tend to benefit the most from this technique.

  After you’re finished your dry brushing session it’s important to remember to shower or bathe (I say shower is best so you’re not bathing will all the icky stuff that came off you!) immediately after. I find that waiting can make me feel dry and itchy. I like to brush before a shower as I’m waiting for the water to heat up, then hop in, rinse off and wash with a moisturizing soap as soon as I’m done. Bonus points if you have a light body scrub in the shower too! I like to use ones from Lush. Remember you don’t just want to jump straight into bed or clean clothes afterwards or all those dead skin flakes will be coming with you! After your shower, while you’re still a bit damp, use your favorite moisturizing lotion or body oil and allow your skin to absorb all that extra moisture its now able to receive! You’ll be baby soft and start to really feel your skin ‘breathing’ again. I personally like to use my Puracy Organic Unscented Body Lotion (I love it for Sensitive Skin!) paired with Little Seed Farms Rosemary Patchouli Body Oil. I put on the body oil first and let it absorb, then do a layer of lotion after that to really lock in the moisture! Of course though you can use any lotion or body oil brand or scent you’d like! (I prefer to avoid chemicals since I have skin issues/allergies. I don’t want to open up my pores only to throw chemicals back in them!)

  Wash out your brush with soap and water about every 2 weeks or so to keep it clean. Let it air dry where air can circulate so you don’t have to worry about molds or anything else gross growing on your wet brush! Even after just one brushing session, if you flick the bristles you can see how much dead skin flies into the air! Yuck!

Make it a Self Care Routine!

  Whether you choose the AM or PM to dry brush, it can instantly be a great self care routine if you’d like it to be! I like to light incense or a candle,turn the lights out, and have music playing as I’m doing my session. I take the time to tune into my body, listen to what it needs, and play close attention to spots that may need some extra TLC. This can be really great for people with anxiety as it’s a wonderful way to ease tension, and in the self love department it can be good to get more in touch with your body, observe it, and listen into those thoughts, feelings, and sensations that we may experience. I find it’s a great way to help with self image. We feel better about ourselves when we put the time in to love and take care of our bodies. 

  Remember though! Dry brushing is only part of the process. We won’t see true results unless we’re also eating right, getting enough water, exercise, sleep, and keeping our stress level as low as we can. If we take care of ourselves, our body in turn takes care of us. Happy Brushing!

~ Faye ~

Check out the Instagram page for more self-care talk, tips, tricks, motivational quotes and healing advice, and feel free to message with any questions/comments or if you need product suggestions. I respond faster on Instagram!

@selfcarewitchxo

[fayegracexo]

Today's the Lions Gateway peak!! 💞🧘‍♀️🌌🦁♌

[fayegracexo]

How to Celebrate Lughnasadh

Somehow we are already to our first of three harvest festivals in the wheel of 2019! This year is flying by crazy quick! I can’t believe July is already over and it’s time for Lughnasadh on August 1st! (Fun Fact: The Gaelic word for August is ‘Lunasa’ - Lughnasadh is pronounced Loo-Na-Sah!)

If you happened to catch my last post (if you didn’t, click here! ‘Lughnasadh vs. Lammas’) then you already know the difference between ‘Lughnasadh’ and ‘Lammas’, and some of the history, which means it’s time to get into the fun part...how to celebrate it!

To keep this post simple I’ll put it in list form, and I apologize in advance for mentioning some things more than once, there’s some things that end up being good crossover ideas, so sorry if it sounds repetitive at all! (Just your typical chronically apologizing Libra over here!) 

I’ll start with some traditional ways to celebrate, then list the correspondences, THEN go into a longer list of celebration ideas! I’ll try to keep this short but there’s lots of info and I wanted to give plenty of options, so if you don’t see what you're looking for, just keep scrolling it’s probably there! ;) (It’s long, i’m sorry oh geez)

If not, I’m always available for messages and questions, and i’ll be posting craft ideas, recipes, and more ways to celebrate on my Instagram account that’s connected to this blog. Check the ‘Lughnasadh’ highlight and my story on August 1st for more! @selfcarewitchxo​ 

Now let’s jump in!

How To Celebrate Traditionally

To start, I wanted to suggest some basic ways to celebrate in a more traditional way, and then go into a list with lots more options and details! Some of these might repeat in the list below so sorry in advance! (Libra problems again, I tried to organize the best I could...I’m so OCD)

Lughnasadh is about giving thanks for what has grown in summer, and for the abundance in our lives. We gather what has grown and begin to prep for winter and the darker, colder months, but not before celebrating a successful harvest season!

In the old days, it was tradition to climb a hill and bury or leave an offering of the first and best of your harvest to Lugh, usually the first loaf of bread you've baked. Offerings are left in exchange for blessings, gratitude, abundance, strength, protection, and growth. You can do the same hill idea, or leave your first loaf or other offering on your altar, or another special place.

Lughs’ original festival, was also focused on feasting, games, and athletic competition. Try recreating the same and have some friends over for a BBQ and some friendly competition! 

Gods, Goddesses, Animals and Other Deities

The Celtic God Lugh is the patron deity for this festival, but if you’re not from a Celtic background, don’t use Lugh in your practice, or are from a Dianic tradition, there are many other Gods, Goddesses, animals and deities to choose from to incorporate into your Lughnasadh holiday. 

Tailtiu (Lughs’ adoptive Mother who passed away, the festival is held in her honor) is a traditional female option, but any grain/agricultural/Mother Goddess/Father God figures make great picks. 

For Goddesses, Rhiannon, Annona, Persephone, Cerridwen, Ceres, Demeter, and Isis are all options, and Odin, John Barley Corn, Dagon, Taranis, Vulcan, Mercury, Loki, Tammuz and Adonis are suggestions for the males! This is just to name a few of course! 

As for animals, agricultural animals such as roosters, lambs, sheep, calves, and pigs are associated with the holiday, you can also use the majestic stag! For more mythological options, the centaur, phoenix and griffin are also associated.

Try adding statues, figurines, feathers, bones or other things associated with these Gods/Goddesses/deities/animals as altar decorations!

Decorations

How can you have a holiday without some festive decorations? Take some time to redo your altar space, room, or even your whole house if you want, to get into the holiday spirit! Being a harvest, nature based holiday, there are many cheap, easy, decorating ideas, that include many things we already have at home! 

To start, use some seasonally scented candles, wax burners, or essential oils to make your sacred space smell like Lughnasadh vibes! 

Candles in holiday colors, or tied with holiday colored ribbon, make a good altar addition! (See below for list of color correspondences) 

Dried corn, rice, wheat, corn dollies, fallen twigs, dried straw, herbs, crystals, corn stalks, pumpkins, squash, dried oats, dried beans, a cornucopia, sunflower seeds, flowers, a scythe, a sickle, or a cauldron are quite seasonal options! (Keep reading for suggestions for crystals, scents and herbs!)

Crystals 

These crystals are associated with Lughnasadh. Try using them as altar decorations, in your spellwork, or to meditate with during the holiday!

Amber, aventurine, carnelian, citrine, moss agate, topaz, golden topaz, obsidian, tigers eye, brown agate, clear quartz, cats eye, lodestones, peridot.

Plants/Herbs/Flowers/Scent Associations 

Lumping this one a little since these have dual uses! 

Wheat, Basil, Mint, Queen Anne’s Lace, Calendula, Yarrow, Sunflowers, Marigolds, Frankincense, Sandalwood, Rose, Rosemary, Rose hips, Blackthorn, Vervain, Peonies, Poppies, Ginseng, All Spice and Chamomile all have associations with Lughnasadh. Use these to decorate, make tea, cook or bake with, scent your home or altar space, or to leave as an offering! (Keep reading for suggestions on how to use these) 

Colors

Try candles and ribbons in shades of green, brown, bronze, orange, yellow and gold. Personally, I always choose a yellow, brown, gold, and green candle for my Lughnasadh altar space.

Yellow represents solar energies, happiness, and transformation.

Brown represents earth energies, strength, protection, and animals.

Gold is to illuminate, for success, divine power, and the harvest.

Green represents abundance, prosperity, fertility, growth, wealth, life, and vegetation.

Food & Drink Ideas 

As Lughnasadh is a feasting holiday to give thanks, consider having some friends and loved ones over for a BBQ or potluck! both are great traditional ideas. Try these food and drink suggestions to indulge in holiday flavors!

Foods: BBQ, breads, roasted lamb, pot luck, berries - like blueberries and blackberries, potatoes, pies, nuts, pumpkin, mushrooms, garlic, honey, acorn squash, summer squash, apples, oats, rice, beans, fried chicken, berry pancakes

Drinks: Since wheat is a big thing, beer is a staple drink, but if you’re more of a wine person try elderberry, blackberry or blueberry wine. For alcohol free options, cherry or apple ciders are great, or plain apple juice. 

Mint and chamomile are associated herbs, they make a great tea suggestion! Sweet mint, peppermint or spearmint make lovely iced teas. Blueberry or blackberry teas are also delicious! 

I’m also personally adding mojitos to this list as a modern update. Since mint is associated, adding some from your garden in a refreshing mojito sounds like a good way to incorporate it to me!

Try some oats or blueberry pancakes in the morning with a seasonal juice or herbal tea, then do a bigger feast for dinner of lamb or chicken, with a beer, then pie for dessert!

More Ways to Celebrate 

Bake Bread

There’s lots of recipes online for you to bake your very own loaf. Try adding herbs, or twisting the dough into Celtic knots for extra flair. You can also ‘paint’ the bread! Try Pinterest for some great recipe ideas. Bake extra to give away to a loved one or leave as an offering!

Have a Popcorn Party

Since Lughnasadh is associated with corn, try having a movie night wit friends and making different varieties of popcorn! Do you like spicy, or sweet kinds? This is a great idea to try with kids! 

Have a Beer

As a grain holiday, relaxing with a cold brew is a good way to relax this Lughnasadh. Safely and responsibly of course.

Create a Besom

A besom is a witches broom. This is a good time of year to use dried straw, fallen twigs, ribbons and charms to create your own. Personally I love to see lavender in them, gorgeous!

Make Candles

If you have the supplies (even cooler if you have you own bees and wax!) try making candles. Bonus points for seasonal colors and scents, triple points for recycling old wax and bringing life back to old candles! 

Harvest/Canning

Harvest your fruits, veggies, and herbs you’ve grown to use them in thanks in teas, tinctures, salves, your cooking, spellwork, and to hang up to dry. Make salsas, or preserves or jams to try on your Lughnasadh bread, or try canning to have a treat in the cold months!

Spend Time Outdoors

Take a walk, hike up a hill, have a picnic, visit a Farmer’s Market or produce stand for local goodies, or go pick fruits, like apples, berries or peaches at a local orchard! Find a way to soak up the last of the season’s warmth.

Have a Fire/Light a Candle

Have a bonfire solo or with friends, and consider burning away some things that need to be released. Throw things that don’t serve you (that are fire safe of course!) into the flames and let them be released. Let the fire ‘reap’ the bad from your life, and ‘sow’ positivity back into it.

If you can’t have a fire, choose a seasonally colored candle, or a few, and give thanks by it’s light! You can carve runes into them if you’d like also!

Spellwork

Lughnasadh works with themes of success and abundance, so it’s a great time of year to do spellwork involving your career, health or love life. If you or someone you know is trying for a new job, or hoping for a new relationship, or maybe buying a house, or moving to a new location, try a little spell to help you manifest your (or theirs!) goals.

Scrying/Divination

Break out your tarot, oracle cards and scrying/divination tools! This is a good time to try new methods you haven’t worked with before, such as bones or runes. If you’ve never tried fire scrying, use your Lughnasadh bonfire or candle as a first attempt!

Cooking/Baking/Drink Making

Feasting with friends or loved ones is a good way to celebrate! (Try the menu ideas above!) Try using herbs you’ve grown or purchased from a local stand in the recipes!

Make a Corn Dolly

Traditionally the least sheaf that was ceremonially cut was used to make a ‘corn dolly’, and carried to the village. The corn dolly would be made into a corn maiden (or corn mother) if the harvest was good, or a ‘cailleach’ (Celtic word for witch, hag) after a bad harvest. These dollies could be clothed, or dressed with ribbon. If you make a doll at Lughnasadh, she can be used again in six months for Imbolc, and can be dressed in spring colors. The harvest Mother, becomes the Spring bride! (Some traditions don’t believe in reusing the doll, but that depends on your practice!)

Smudge/Cleanse/Bless Your Space

Smudge away that negativity that’s been lingering, clear the air, and your life, so that you may grow bountiful! Buy a smudge stick or make your own with sage and added herbs if you’d like. Mugwort, rosemary, lavender and juniper are good additives. Open the windows, let the light and breeze in! Start fresh and clean this holiday, and reap those bad energy places!

Make a Gift

Acts of service and selflessness are important on Lughnasadh. We’re in a place of abundance, and it’s time to share the bounty and love with others. Make a gift for a friend, loved one or neighbor to share the holiday spirit. Try flowers you’ve picked, breads or foods you’ve made, jams or jellies you preserved, or another homemade craft item. Make it with love! They’ll be sure to feel the positive vibes. They’ll see this act of kindness, and pass it on...the world needs more love!

Acts of Service

Lughnasadh is centered around themes of prosperity, generosity, continued success, and giving thanks; which makes it a great time to help those around us, and share the blessings of our abundance with others. 

Consider volunteering your time, organizing a community cleanup, picking up trash at the beach, having a friend, neighbor, or loved one over for a hot meal, or offering to help a neighbor with something they need. Devote your time, and watch the blessings come back to you.

Make a Gratitude List

What has ‘grown’ in you life this year that you’re thankful for? Have some seasonal tea, sit by a candle, and make a gratitude list of everything you’re blessed with in life. 

Make a reap/ sow list

On that note, you can also try a reap/sow list. Write down what you’re proud to have “planted” in your life, and watched grow, and also what your’re not proud of. What needs to be ‘reaped’ from you life? What weeds are strangling you, that need to be pulled for a bountiful harvest next year? Use this time as personal reflection, and choose what to reap and sow to live your best life in alignment with your true self. Think in ‘Regrets’, ‘Farewells’, ‘Harvest’ and ‘Preserves’

Regrets: Think about things you meant to do this summer that did not come to fruition. Project your regrets onto fire safe objects, like pine cones, and throw them into your fire. You can also write on dried corn husks or paper. 

Farewells: What’s passing from your life? What is over? Say goodbye. You can use visuals or writing for this, and also throw into the fire to release, or a lake or ocean. You could also use a flower bulb and plant it, to watch it grow back next year.

Harvest: What have you already harvested this year? What is sprouting? Find a way to represent those things and create a visual reminder to hang in your home. 

Preserves: Think about the fruits you have gathered this year and how you can hold onto the sweet memories. Make a remembrance box, or box altar, to help remember special things, times and people. 

Make a Craft

Lugh is the God of craftsmanship, so try making something festive to decorate your home or altar! Wheat can be used for wreaths and door decorations, apples can be turned into seasonal candle holders, or try making your own corn dolly or besom. Search Pinterest for these great ideas or check my Instagram account for the how-to’s! (@selfcarewitchxo)

Go to a Craft Fair

And again, on that note! Since Lugh is the God of this, see if there’s any local craft fairs in your area and buy some local goodies!

PHEW!

That’s it folks! Your complete guide to celebrate Lughnasadh! Thank you for being patient with me as I got this posted. If you hear from me on other sites you know I already typed this whole thing once and it got deleted! Ahh! I’m glad to have this up finally!

Connect with me on Instagram to see what i’ll be doing for the day, and send me the ideas you’ve decided to try out! I’d love to see your crafts or anything you’ve baked! Also if you have any ideas to add, let me know and I’ll post them!

HAPPY CELEBRATING!

Blessed Lughnasadh Witches!

~ Faye ~

@selfcarewitchxo​ 

[fayegracexo]

Lughnasadh vs. Lammas

The words “Lughnasadh” (pronounced LOO-nah-sah) and “Lammas” are often used interchangeably, but they are actually two different festivals of different origin (well, sort of! you’ll see!)

History of Lughnasadh

Lughnasadh, also known as ‘The Festival of Bread’, ‘The First Harvest’, ‘Lugh’s Feast’, or ‘Festival of First Fruits‘ is in reference to the Celtic harvest holiday typically held on August 1st (Sometimes August 2nd!)

‘Nasadh’ means ‘to give in marriage’, So Lughnasadh translates as “to give in marriage to Lugh”; Lugh being the Celtic God of artistry, known for his many skills, including craftsmanship, and warrior ability. He’s also known as the Sun King, Storm, Light, and Harvest God.

Lughnasadh is one of the four Celtic holidays, along with Samhain, Imbolc, and Beltane. Wiccans celebrate Lughnasadh as one of eight sabbats that make up the wheel of the year calendar. In Dianic traditions, the Goddess takes the place of Lugh. (**Note: You can celebrate the year of the wheel calendar, and not be Wiccan, and still be a witch! or not use the calendar at all, and still be a witch! depends on your practice, which holidays you chose to celebrate! You don’t have to be Wiccan to use the wheel of the year. Everyone’s practice is different!)

In legend, Lughnasadh began when the God Lugh held a harvest festival to commemorate his foster mother, Tailtiu, (Said to be responsible for introducing agriculture to Ireland), who died of exhaustion attempting to harvest all of the crops in Ireland (I’ve also read it as, “died of exhaustion after clearing the plains of Ireland for agriculture” little different depending on version you read.)

Lugh’s original festival was made up of feasting, hill/mountain climbing, giving/burying offerings on top of hills, games and athletic contests. Marriages and trial marriages (handfastings) were conducted, where couples would join hands through a hole in wooden door, and if the marriage lasted ‘a year and a day’ the marriage could be made permanent or annulled without consequence (Ancient Celtic engagement period!)

At Lughnasadh, we give thanks for what the summer has grown, and the harvest has brought us. We begin to gather and prep food to survive the winter. We celebrate and give thanks for the abundance of not just food in our lives, but love, happiness, and safety. Lughnasadh is the time to look at our lives from an agricultural perspective. What have we planted? What are we reaping? What needs to be picked, watered, or preserved? We harvest our lives, as we do our fields and plants, so that we may live in abundance.

History of Lammas

“Lammas” translates to ‘loaf mass’ (from ‘hlaf-mas’ in Anglo Saxon) and it’s a Christian holiday from medieval England that celebrated the wheat harvest, it’ s also called “The Feast of Bread”.

(Yes this is another one of those ‘Pagans had the holiday first and Christianity put something similar on top of it to convert heathens’ history lessons! That’s why I said sort of! Same concept, different names, different beliefs and people)

Early Christians celebrated this holiday as a way to thank God for the harvest. On this day it was custom to bring the church the first loaf of bread baked from the harvest, to have it blessed, and then broken into four pieces, one to place in each corner of your barn to protect your grain. (sounds witchy doesn’t it?)

August 1st in Christian/Catholic tradition is also the holy-day of “St. Peter in Chains”

To summarize...

So as you can see, both holidays have the same meaning really; (grain holiday, harvest holiday, abundance, offer the first of your bounty for protection and wishes, thankfulness)  just with different Gods and beliefs! Of course Lughnasadh came first, then as with all our holidays, Christianity came in and ‘wanted to ‘convert the heathens’ so we were given new holidays on top of ours that look very similar, but I suppose the ‘long list of stolen holidays’ post is for another time! haha!

Catch my next Lughnasadh blog post for more information and how to celebrate! I’ve split this into two posts for easier reading! ;)

I’m also making a ‘Lughnasadh’ Instagram story highlight before the 1st so I can add even more info and activities to do! Come say hello! @selfcarewitchxo

~Faye

[fayegracexo]

Clear Quartz

Now that you know a little of my background, and what ‘witch’ means to me, let’s get into the fun stuff and start with some basics!

Clear quartz crystal! I knew I wanted to go over this first, because not only is it my personal favorite crystal, and an amazing staple in any beginners collection, but it’s also the first stone I ever began working with! So let’s get into why I love it so much! ;)

First, some quick facts! It’s a 7 on the hardness scale, and it’s lustre is vitreous. The ancient Greeks called it ‘Crystalos’ meaning ‘permanent ice’. They thought quartz was frozen so solidly it wouldn’t melt!

Clear quartz is known as ‘the master healer’ stone, and is good for any ailment. Due to its lack of color it’s a neutral stone and thus can be used as a substitute for any other crystal, and since it’s a blank slate, it can be programmed to accomplish any goal! So yes! It’s very versatile! These are great crystals to use to program with your intention. They hold energy as well as they do electrical current! (Once I charged a small quartz and put it in a CD player, it worked! fascinating little things! science is awesome!)

Spiritually they’re used to cleanse, amplify and connect, while providing mental benefits, such as increased energy, creativity, and mental clarity.

Clear quartz is known to balance and harmonize all seven chakras, and to amplify and strengthen the aura. Quartz stimulates the immune system, balances the body, aids in concentration, and unblocks memories. So if you’re working through repressed things, this is a good stone to help get it all out! It is also thought to increase clarity, sharpen the thought process, and make us more perceptive. So not only can we use it to cleanse and process, but also to release, and help understand what were letting go of!

Luckily for beginner witches, and cheap folk like myself, clear quartz is common, and mined all over the world! This means it’s pretty inexpensive as far as stones go! So since they can be used to replace any crystal, stock up on some quartz and save some money! (I think 9 is a good number for these if you want! that’s enough to surround you if you’re laying down. More or less is always good too! It’s your practice!)

For those interested in meditation, or if you already like to but haven’t tried it yet, quartz crystal is a must have! Especially if you’re an empath or intuition based person, or you just want to strengthen these abilities, this crystal is for you! It’s great at releasing blocked emotions, enhancing intuition, psychic abilities, and helping to manifest your goals. Quartz can cleanse and shift stagnate energy, as well as absorb, store, release and regulate energies. Think of them as little batteries! They also bring peace to help us heal and work through whatever they may have brought up for us.

In meditation they’re said to help us reach transcendental states, or connect with higher beings, or our higher selves, as they’re believed to be wonderful for drawing in universal energies. In times of contemplation, or when were in need of motivation, or need to overcome boundaries, clear quartz is the ‘clear’ go-to ;) (see what I did there?)

If you have a question or issue you can’t seem to figure out, sit with a piece of quartz for a bit! They can give us a better perception of the world, and increase our mental clarity and awareness while thinking. They’re great for problem solving and seeing the other side of things, that we may not have originally seen or thought of before. Quartz can focus on our inner negativity, and stimulate positive thoughts and feelings in it’s place instead.

In spellwork, clear quartz is used to cleanse and amplify the energies of other crystals it’s in contact with, or can be used as an altar piece to purify the space. In divination and scrying they’re especially useful, as they’re said to help reveal truths, and strengthen intuition.

Here’s are some good quartz crystal mantras to try during meditation!…

“My mind, body, and soul, are energized” or “I am in touch with my inner self, my intuition, my soul”

Here are some ways I like to use clear quartz!

As an altar piece to cleanse and purify the space and other crystals surrounding it. I like to keep a singe piece in the middle of my altar, to collect the positive energies, and then meditate with it when I need! I feel this makes them extra powerful to be continuously charged this way!

As an add-in while making spell pouches. I always add a piece of quartz to every pouch I make, not only because I find this crystal to be a part of me, and I like the person I’m giving it to, to have a little piece of me and my energy, but it also cleanses and amplifies the other crystals in the pouch.

As a problem solving stone. I sit with a piece of quartz and meditate when I have a problem, as it’s benefits help open my eyes and see the other side of things, or a different way to solve my problem. I love it’s mental clarity!

As a worry stone. On that same note these are good worry stones for anxious people, or those that stress too much. Great to help us think more clearly and see were not as stuck as we feel!

To help learn how to channel energy. When I was learning to channel energy, I found this very helpful. I’d sit lotus style with a finger on each end of the stone, and imagine my energy, my electrical current, running through the stone, and through me, like a human conductor. This helped me learn how to feel the energy, and to later channel without using a stone. Great for beginners!

To have out during divination - (tarot and oracle deck readings, runes, other forms of fortune telling or scrying) since clear quartz helps with intuition, and seeing the truth, it’s clarity is greatly beneficial during readings.

Take a bath! All you need is a little salt, rosemary, some candles and warm bath water surrounded by quartz crystals, and you’ve got yourself a basic purifying and cleansing bath ritual! wash away those bad vibes!

Use in your garden! Burying a quartz with your plants or having one sitting in or around them is beneficial for plants!

Cleanse your tarot deck! It’s an old trick to keep a quartz piece with your cards to keep them cleansed in-between readings.

Hang one from or review mirror. Driving can be stressful! keep one in the car to stay sharp and alert while driving.

These are just to name a few, but feel free to get creative with the uses! it’s a multi-tasker!

Do you already use quartz in your practice? If so, how? and what crystals should I go over next!? Feel free to message here or Instagram!

~ Faye

[fayegracexo]

What “Witch” Means to Me, and a Call to Action.

“Witch” is an interesting word, with many meanings to many different peoples and cultures; some meanings good, and some bad.

Some people imagine the Wizard of Oz type of witches, green with a ridiculous nose and wart, or pink and fluffy like a fairy princess. Some imagine witches as costumes, around for Halloween with the pointy hats and cackling laugh, and some more modern folk just think witches are Harry Potter wannabes, or freaks in their Moms’ basement chanting and sacrificing lambs on Sundays when we should be in church.

Obviously, none of these stereotypes are correct, and they’re just that, stereotypes. Witches don’t “look” any certain way for one thing. Sure some of us (like myself) are decked out in crystal necklaces and moon tattoos, but the guy or gal in the business suit you know could just as easily be a witch too. Never assume, were not all as out there as the rest, and that’s totally okay.

But what does “witch” even mean?

When I say ‘witch’, and call myself one, I am referring to the folk (both men and women, witch is also a male term) that have heard ‘the calling’ and answered it. However for the sake of this post, I’ll be referring mostly to female witches, as I find a calling back to the divine feminine a large part of my craft. I just wanted to be clear here that anyone of any gender or lack thereof can be a witch, and witch is not a gendered term, it’s used for everyone. Also anyone can hear the calling of the witch, or the calling of the divine feminine, no matter your birth, gender, or identity. Just a disclaimer before I begin ;)

A witch to me, is an empowered woman, confident, strong, and faithful in her own power. She is awake and aware; of the cultural and physical problems the earth and the people on the earth face. She is connected to the elements, and whatever form of energy or God/Goddess she believes in. A witch trusts her own authority, and communicates with deities freely, without a middle man. She is imbued with feminine wisdom, intuition and trusts in herself and her strength. She is confident in her sexuality, and uses the power place between her legs in her craft and to her advantage. A witch remembers who we were as women, as a whole, before we were ‘dis-membered’ and frightened into forgetting our own power and who we were. Before we were ashamed of ourselves, our bodies and our blood. Before we were made to feel less than and inferior. Before our gifts were called ‘taboo’ or sinful. A witch is not afraid to fully express herself, and all her power. She is a paradox, both light and dark like the moon, both love and anger, peace and war, a whirlwind of emotion all at the same time, but still in control, and she accepts this, owns it. A witch knows there is more than what meets the eye in this world, and they are not afraid to see what's out there, and work with it. A witch ‘re-members’ herself, and puts the pieces back together, becoming whole again. A witch remembers that before we were domesticated, and made numb by food, drugs, shopping and social media, we were healers, seers, oracles, shamans, leaders, wise women. She remembers we were powerful for thousands of years, until we were made to forget. She also, questions everything.

A witch knows we carry the stories and power of the women before us and those that were silenced in our DNA. She knows she’s a creatrix, oracle, sorceress, and force of nature not to be reckoned with. A witch knows that she, along with others, are waking up, remembering, and taking back the power we gave away in fear of shame and judgement. She remembers we are taking back the word ‘witch’, and becoming whole again, and this she knows, frightens people.

As anyone knows, whole people can be a huge threat to the broken; and an empowered, outspoken woman, makes a weak man fear. But as in the old days, does wanting to kill us (or in this day and age, silence us, though witches are still killed in some parts of the world.) not prove our magick and power? Wanting to persecute a witch, only shows you admit that magick is real. No one would kill or silence what they didn’t believe would work anyway right? The fact is, we’re found to be threatening, by people who want to keep power. It’s why it was taken from us in the first place. Some of us, are even scared of ourselves. How intimidating it is to realize we are a paradox, of light and dark and everything in between, and scarier still, that we can wield that power? We must learn to take it back for ourselves, and break free of the silence and invisibility we’ve endured. We must make it safe to feel powerful again, for ourselves, and other women and witches.

We must break free of the fear of being ‘too much’ or ‘too little’. We need to break free of caring what others think of us, especially men, and stop listening to the patriarchy that’s telling us how we need to be fixed, with more makeup, and less body hair. We need to take back our sexuality, get rid of the stigma of ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’ and let women own their sex again, as we allow men to do. People forget, that ‘virgin’ before Christianity had a different meaning. Ishtar and Diana for example, were called ‘virgin’ Goddesses, but the meaning didn’t mean ‘chaste’ as in the Virgin Mary, but instead, ‘sexually independent’. Virgins were free women not yet owned by marriage, who were one in themselves. It was Christianity, that came and perverted the term to mean something degrading and shameful. 

“Witch” and “Hag” have been used as insults since our power was taken and burned away from us. I take the word back, and use it as my own, as a reminder of the women like myself, over 13 million, who’ve been burned, hung, tortured and persecuted for their knowledge. I remember who I was, and who the women before me were, before the patriarchy was a thing and we all learned to hate ourselves and be at war with our other sisters. Before we were consumed with eating disorders, and vulnerable to makeup and clothing ads making money off of our insecurities we were taught to have; before plastic surgery was the fastest growing medical procedure.

Misogyny and sexism make money, the shaming of women and harsh male-oriented pornography, make money, but it wasn’t always this way.

Before religion (Christianity if we’re being clear) came in and made women sexless, obedient, and submissive; before our periods became sinful and dirty,before our mistrust of other women and self-hatred, and our physical obsessions, we were relied upon by the townspeople, village people, yes, men included. We were cunning women, healers. We communed with nature, the moon, the stars, the seasons, and our cycles, to help provide for those we loved. We birthed the babies of our communities as midwives, we made potions and tinctures with our knowledge of herbs and plants to heal and aid our sick and frail. We were looked up to, respected. We knew medicine, we knew magick, we were witches.

But as Christianity came around and men wanted to dominate the fields of astrology, medicine and more, intelligent women became demonized. We were taught to not trust and instead betray our other sisters. The accusations became ridiculous, but they worked in trying to erase us. Women who had cats, knew about plants and herbs, spoke to animals, had a birthmark, knew astrology, science, had a neighbor that didn’t like them, or knew how to birth babies, all met untimely ends for their knowledge, all because they were in the way of the power and control others wanted. Outspoken women became ‘loud’, ‘crazy/mad’, and my favorites ‘hormonal’ or ‘hysteric’.

So when I call myself a witch, I am using it in the old sense. I am saying I remember who I am, my power, and the women before me. I am saying I do not fear, and instead will be loud about who I am, and not try to fit myself into a small, quiet box any longer. I was not made to be submissive and silent. I remember my sisters and brothers are just that, sisters and brothers, and we should not be fighting against one another. I remember I am dark and light, wise and strong. I am saying I listen to my intuition and live my life accordingly. I am saying I use the tools at my disposable, to change the world around me. Astrology, tarot, crystals, oracle decks, meditation can all help me create the impact I want not only in my life, but the lives of others, and the world. I'm saying I remember what we were, and who we were, and what we did.

I remember...

“We are the granddaughters of the witches you could not burn.”

(For more on this topic, the call, and the waking of the witch, I highly suggest reading “Witch” by Lisa Lister! I’ll be posting about it on Instagram shortly, and remember this blog connects with my Instagram account ;) @selfcarewitchxo )

[fayegracexo]

Woman, is by nature, a witch, healer, shaman & medicine healer

Chukchee proverb

[fayegracexo]

How I Discovered Witchcraft & the Paranormal

I figured the best way to kick off this blog, would be to introduce myself, and briefly discuss my own history in the craft, and how I came to having this blog and Instagram account to discuss such things in the first place! If I end up being unclear, or you have a question, or are curious about something I didn’t cover here, please feel free to message me on Instagram, Twitter, or here on Tumblr and I'll be happy to help out! (Here or Instagram preferably!)

To begin, I go by Faye, and I knew I was a strange kid from the get-go. I had my first paranormal experience at age 4, I finished other peoples sentences, or said what they were thinking. My dreams ended up happening, I saw my deceased Aunt and Grandfather after they passed. I grew up in a haunted house where a murder/suicide occurred, so I saw shadows and objects move regularly. I figured out this wasn’t normal behavior of other kids my age. I was more vocal, connected, somehow...older? than the other children. But at this time, I knew nothing of magick and didn’t know spiritual gifts existed. Little did I know what a big part of my life this would end up being. Little did I know how many more strange things were awaiting me in life! 

I was first introduced to witchcraft at a very young age, at, of all places, girl scout camp! I remember it was summer, and I was at Camp Grove Point. I was a brownie at the time, so I was between the ages of 7-9. I made friends with another girl my age, her name was Tara. Tara told me her Mother was a witch, and knew magick. I remember first thinking she was just imaginative, and her Mother must have supported it. She told me her Mother worked with herbs and spells, and could make things move...and so could she. Before I realized the difference between ‘Magick” and “Magic”, I was assuming this girl meant her and her mother practiced stage magic, tricks. I didn’t believe her, until I saw her prove it. She was right, she didn’t mean “Fairy Godmother from Cinderella” type magic at all. I remember my initial repulsion at the word ‘witch’. I thought it was bad, sinful, wrong! I had no idea how wrong I was, or that this was my first step to reclaiming the word for my own.

Tara wasn’t lying, she really could move things. Not far, but they moved. Yes, I realize it’s nuts to say and I sound crazy, but you can’t deny what you’ve seen with your own eyes. I remember how my entire world lit up, watching the impossible. We’d sit hidden somewhere, away from the other campers, and I’d balance sticks, leaves and small stones for her to wiggle, or slide. She always told me her Mother was better at it, and she was still learning. I watched her ‘hex’ people, she’d call it ‘sending bad luck’. She’d pick a poor victim around the campfire and make them fall off the logs we were all sitting on, over and over again. I’ll never forget the look of confusion on their face as they couldn't figure out why they couldn't stay seated on this log. They’d look around, blame the person beside them, trying to figure out the trick, while her and I were in fits of laughter.

Of course at the time I didn’t realize that what Tara was doing was really energy manipulation, not Harry Potter type spells, but whatever it was, I knew it worked, and I needed to learn it. I asked her to teach me, and she did, but after a strong warning that I've always remembered. She grabbed both my hands, and looked in me in the eyes seriously, “I’ll teach you, but you can’t EVER tell anyone.” I hadn’t planned on it, who would believe me?. “If you tell, they’ll kill us. we’ll get experimented on, or locked up. My mom says they’ll hurt us.”

I realized then what a big deal it was for her to even tell me, her Mother had obviously put the fear of God in her about revealing their secret. Tara really believed this was so rare that her and her Mother would be taken, and experimented on like science projects if anyone ever found out. Of course at the time I didn’t realize that others could do such things either, so I believed this, stayed fearful for myself as well, and always kept the secret, until my later years when I had more knowledge. I still have my journals from childhood, with many pages of small, fearful me, writing about experimenting with such things, but always being mindful of being found out. I wish I’d have realized sooner people would only think I was nuts, and I didn’t need to worry about being trapped in a lab ;) We weren’t aliens after all, just women who found their power again.

For the rest of that camp, Tara taught me to meditate, connect with the earth, and manipulate energy. We were always off doing our own things, whispering conversations and secrets others wouldn’t understand. That summer changed my life, and I think about Tara a lot, I always hoped I’d reconnect with her someday.

As I grew older and kept writing about this in my journals, the need to tell someone and not be so alone grew. I needed someone to understand. I remember once, and only once, I tried talking to my Dad about it. I told him some things I could do, and he stopped cooking, looked at me, very calmly, and said “You know, it’s a family thing, your Grandmother used to be able to bend spoons, but then got into church and got scared of it, now she doesn’t and we don’t talk about it anymore”. I tried to ask more questions, but he wouldn’t let us keep talking about it. Problem here is, my pops is a pathological liar, so whether this is truth, or him being him, I’ll never know. I tried bringing it up years later, but he wouldn’t talk about it then either. He either pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about ,or really didn’t remember that conversation we had, I’m not sure which is the truth.

Later I tried telling my Mother. I told her about the shadow man in a hat, with the collar of his trench coat flipped up, who would walk around my room at night, or stand outside the door. I told her how I’d walk into my playroom and see my Barbies stand up on their own, spin, then fall back down. I told her I heard things fall off my bookshelf but nothing was there, or sometimes there was a book on the other side of the room. She told me she didn’t believe me. I didn’t think she did for years. Finally the day we moved out of that house, when I was older, she told me the truth. Two people actually died in that house. She took me through the home and showed me the bullet holes through the house. A few in the kitchen, another in the living room, back to my playroom and bedroom, then finally one more in my Mother’s room, underneath the light on the ceiling. The story was, a couple lived there, the man was an angry drunk, a family member of the landlord we rented from. He got angry (over what I don’t remember) and chased his wife (or girlfriend, unclear, landlord didn’t like talking about it for obvious reasons.) through the house with a gun, shooting at her, starting in the kitchen. She ran to get out through my room and the playroom (there was an exit door to the porch here, the house was like a loop) but didn’t make it, she died in my playroom, the man then went into my Mother’s room, sat on the edge of the bed, and put the gun in his mouth, committing suicide, thus the bullet hole straight up in the ceiling, and why it was now covered by a ceiling light.

So, clearly, this house was kind of a hot spot, with a lot of bad energy, but somehow I was never scared, nothing ever tried to hurt me there. (Also, I like to point out I think this energy was made worse by the fact that my landlord very sadly allowed KKK meetings to be held in our backyard in the 50′s, I found a sign saying “KKK Whites Only” and two hoods buried in the leaves while playing back there as a child. Our landlord was old, Southern, and unfortunately racist and behind the times.)

More interesting, my sister and her boyfriend moved into that house immediately after my mom and I left moved. I was thrilled to hear she also experienced activity while living there (tweezers flying from the bathroom sink, into the living room, things being ‘misplaced’, moving on there own, strange sounds). We both noticed the activity seemed worse around a particular time of year, I believe it was in the winter around Christmas, our theory was always that maybe that’s when the murders occurred.

Fast forward to the new house, starting in 6th grade I began attending a Christian school, it was here I learned that many things I and others could do, weren’t “magick” at all, but spiritual gifts. Christians like to leave spiritual gifts out of the conversation, and pretend they are no longer around, but they are. Prophecy, healing, speaking in tongues, intuition, these and more are all discussed in the Bible, and given by God, but we see them being condemned by the same faith, and these healers, being called witches by their own people. In 6th grade I was having many confusing and strange things happen to me. The ghost encounters were stranger, the dreams more vivid and true, I always knew things I shouldn’t, and felt like I was being watched and followed. I saw deceased family members and animals. I was a bit of a hub for ‘strange’, but didn’t know what to do to control what was happening around me, or even if I could. I knew I needed to talk to someone but I didn’t know who. After revealing all this to a close friend, she said maybe I should talk to our Headmaster about it. I decided it was the best option. I remembering crying in his office, because I was ‘scared I was a witch’ and I thought I was going to hell for being ‘sinful’, or worse, maybe I was just nuts. I told him about Tara, and spilled my guts on what I've been doing. He hugged me, and told me I wasn’t bad, or sinful, that instead, God wanted me to do these things, and they were in the bible. It was the first I'd heard of this. I left that day feeling recharged, confident.

Since then I’ve learned ‘witch’ wasn’t a bad word at all, I also wasn’t nuts, or alone. As I grew into my own I realized I’d best be classified as an ‘eclectic witch’, meaning I am eclectic in my practice and pull from various sources and cultures to create magick that is completely my own. I’m a unique blend of intuition based magick, Celtic witchery, Buddhism, kitchen witchery and everything in between. However I do like to point out that NO I am not Wiccan ;) Wicca I consider to be a religion of Witchcraft and it’s not for me; I like to clarify as it’s one of the most asked questions witches get, especially when people aren't familiar with the differences of religion or spirituality and the variations of witches and witchcraft.

(I’d like to briefly point out here that RELIGION and WITCHCRAFT/ SPIRITUALITY or ENERGY WORK do NOT have to go hand in hand. Spirituality is not always a religion to people, but it can be. Witchcraft is not a religion, but it can be! this all depends on YOUR practice. I am a practicing witch, but consider my ‘religion’ to be spirituality. I would not say my craft is my religion or a religious belief, I see it as energy work, which I find to be rooted in electrical workings of the earth, which is science to me.)

As for what I specifically believe, I’m all over the place and open to many ideas and theories on that as well. I don’t call myself a Christian any longer, as I don’t wish to be associated with their beliefs, but I do still believe in the Christian God and Jesus, and some of the bible, but I have LOTS of thoughts about all of it. Also I’d be a hypocrite Christian, as I have reached out to or felt a call by other Goddesses/Deities, and been answered. Kali Ma, Hekate, Freya, Kwan Yin, Persephone, The Morrigan, just to name a few favorites.

I don’t have an explanation for this yet! I also accept I may never have that answer until I’m dead. I believe in God, the universe, aliens, that dragons existed, I believe in the Fae, in myths and legends, manifestation, energy work, I believe everything may have some truth, I believe in many things, with many theories on all of it. I’m open to the idea of past lives, as I’ve had strange experiences myself; But at the end of the day, all I am 100% certain on, is that when I pray, work with energy, or put out into the universe, things happen that I cannot explain. Whether it is God answering, The universe answering, or If God and the universe are on the in the same, I don’t know! and don’t claim to know. I just know I am heard, and it works. I’ve just seen things that have no explanation, both light and dark, and all I know, is that more exists in this world that what we can see and put our hands on. I don't claim to have all the answers or know everything, and I think anyone that does is frankly, full of shit. I find myself thinking of new theories and ‘what if’s’ on a regular basis, and it would be nothing but arrogance and ego for me to claim I know everything I’m talking about. Part of the craft, is learning as we go, and never having all the answers. If someone claims they're all-knowing, then they're no witch. So I’d like to make it clear, that while I’m not a beginner, I’m also by no means an expert, and I am always learning, and evolving, as every witch should.

I notice all the Goddesses I am called to have similar themes, sometimes I wonder if they’re all the same energy, just with different faces for each culture. I also know of many Gods who have a ‘rose after three days’ story. I wonder if these too could perhaps be the same God? I wonder if God even has a sex? Is there really Gods/Goddesses or is it sexless energy? or energy combined with power from both sexes? I believe not being set in one way or another allows me to keep my mind open and see things and theories from all angles.

So now in my practice, I pray, I manifest, I meditate, I look to Goddesses for inspiration and strength, I stay focused on putting good out into the universe, and not bad. I practice candle magick, manipulating energy, I work with runes, tarot and other forms of divination. I sage my house, work with astrology, crystals and crystal grids and do my spellwork by the moon, and celebrate my Sabbats on the wheel of the year. My beliefs and practice are simple, yet complicated, just like I too am a paradox.

I hope this explained a little more about my background and beliefs, for more, check out my neck blog post “What ‘Witch’ Means to Me”, as I explain why I call myself such, and what ‘witch’ even means!

For more witchy goodness and self care tips, be sure to check out my Instagram page that connects with this blog @selfcarewitchxo

Forever your sister witch,

~ Faye ~