fazeebee

[fazeebee]

11.06.2025

End of a season, start of an era.

Hello my dears,

The vanish for the past month should be self explanatory I believe, as t'was but a hectic block of architecture academia once again.

But not to fear, block 4 season has officially come to an end. Which means,

Year 1 of architecture: officially closed.

The essay, the model (which is what the pictures show), the illustrative journal, the tasks—everything. Done.

And I couldn't be more relieved.

A lot awaits the next 4 months, a lot of big and small changes that I'm... trying to be ready for. Through all of that I will stay curious, I will study more about the more interesting parts of architecture for me, more about herbalism (and Witchcraft tailored for me🤫🌱🧹), and also more about myself.

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

After this season starts another one filled with self discovery, changes that could alter my journey hopefully for the better, and connection. And I couldn't be more eager and excited.

And I will try to be more active here just for my own sake, to leave a small, positive mark of some sort.

[fazeebee]

12.05.2025

Summer days of May

Life for the past few weeks has been anything but great. Some good moments here and there, but the bad outweighed the good this time, even though they weren't as bad as my childhood.

But with the start of block 4, is the pile-up of work once more. But the work isn't that bad, it's something I enjoy as well as not that great in amount.

Today I have kept it simple, I allowed myself to indulge in witchy little magic that helped me regulate my nervous system (a spiritual cleansing shower with three lit candles and no soap, journaling and casting whimsical little spells on my glasses of water and coffee to heal me and give me energy). And now I'm outside at a park nearby, grounding myself and getting Earth's electrons in.

It makes my inner child happy, and it's harmless. So I let my intuition take over and did what I needed and wanted to. Took back control of my life and actions.

As a result my mind is clearer, so are my priorities. I can work on my tasks much better too.

Let yourself indulge in some whimsical magic. It helps. 🌱

[fazeebee]

“She knew the power of her mind so she programmed it for success.”

— Carrie Green

[fazeebee]

gonna take a hot shower and put on a big t shirt and my undies and i’m gonna sit on the floor and color at my coffee table like im 6 years old again and then i’ll feel better

[fazeebee]

16.04.2025

a little bit of reading, a little bit of calm.

I've been quite productive lately.

But just not in my career life.

Whilst I'm having second thoughts about the architecture competition that I'm definitely not really ready for, I'm also trying to finish up some work for the office that I have kinda been procrastinating on.

But other than that, I've kinda been letting my creativity take charge of my holidays, and made an incense holder that I like to call 'the Morning Flower'.

Here's the pic:

Every morning I sit in front of it, put some sound bowl music on a timer of 15 minutes and light a white sage incense stick to meditate and visualize how I want my day to be like. This is... my version of a prayer, I suppose.

I've also made reading a habit that I'm growing to love more and more each day—and currently I'm reading a book about 'The Power of your Subconscious Mind' by Dr. Joseph Murphy. I've got like 5 chapters left. And needless to say of course I'm incorporating some of his main spiritual ideas and beliefs in my life and it seems to be working pretty nicely.

I feel a lot more connected with myself, a lot more sane and in tune with myself. Especially after the detox I did prior a few weeks, and now with a little bit more spiritual connection and rest days. It feels as if my personal growth is progressing quite well. So I'm not too unhappy about not being productive enough in my career field, because another important part of me is being catered to more.

I'm also in the process of semi-deep cleaning and reorganizing my room, which makes my mind clearer somehow. I've got just a bit left and the plan is to finish it tomorrow.

Let's see how that goes.

[fazeebee]

07.04.2025

here comes April's spring greens

April is here, which means my work for the 3rd block is fully done and it's spring break.

I'm currently a bit sick again, due to the weather changes and also because of how active I was during the farmstay with my family and uncle's, it included a lot of running around and barbequing and swimming—I may or may not have been soaking in the pool for hours on end for two days.

But anyway! Life's good.

In terms of what's happening with my architecture life, I've kind of decided to participate in an architecture competition even though I don't feel fully ready. The opportunity was a little too good to not take since there was no entrance fee this time around and I guess it is a good chance to expand my skill set a little more, but.... it still feels like I'm jumping into the deeper end of a pool while barely knowing how to float.

I wanted to spend my spring break as a break without worrying about doing any more work (not counting the internship) but, I guess I've also gotta make some productive use of my time. I wanted to restart painting, songwriting and playing music and go outside more while also focusing on my health again, but now I'll have to allot some time for the competition as well. It feels like too much especially after how hectic the last block was, but I guess I have to get used to always having something to do. I don't want to complain about this, I'm just scared cuz I don't feel like I'm ready for a competition of all things, even though I'm not expecting anything from it at all.

But I suppose that's how you grow. So I'm going ahead with it.

[fazeebee]

24.03.2025

Take me Back to last Saturday Sunset

It's final submission week.

I've been working every day since this 3rd block started and yet I still have a demanding amount of work left, apparently such is architecture school.

It's quite frustrating, how whenever someone asks "How's work coming along" my only answer is "still not done." Makes me feel I'm slow and horrible in managing time, makes me wonder if I should follow the footsteps of my peers and disregard my sleep altogether, barely survive on 3-4 hours.

But no, I'm still stubborn. I want to prove people that you don't need to kill yourself slowly for your work, because ultimately at the end of the day to be successful in any career the main needed skills are people management and networking. Of course, the actual work should be good quality and proper, but that's only about 20-30% of a successful career.

That being said I can't help but feel anxious, and though my mind tries her best to calm my body down, my body refuses to. For the past two weeks my stomach hasn't been stomaching, and I'm almost always fatigued (tbh that's always the case so nothing new). I haven't gotten a chance to restart gym again, it's been over 3 months. Which is why I'm looking forward to April's spring holidays. I need to get my life more in order.

But right now, I wish to go back in time to last Saturday, when I went out on a date with myself to calm my system down from anxiety. I wish to do that more often, especially after this submission. The pictures you see are from then, where I was journaling, reading and petting cute kitty cats while watching the sun slowly sinking under the sea and random people walking by doing their own thing.

It was a lovely time. I wish to enrich my life with such moments.

[fazeebee]

Aguacates House . Valle de Bravo . Mexico . Francisco Pardo Aquitecto

www.franciscopardo.mx

[fazeebee]

blue days.

02.03.2025

February went by faster than I expected. Life got busy, very busy. And the ending few days of February really weren't that fun. Some of them for good reasons other days... not so much. The painful zit on the right side of my nose and the bad days and mental health tells me that oh yeah, the bloody waterfall exists. I haven't gotten it yet, but these are my pms symptoms so. Not looking forward to that.

I've got a little good news though, two actually.

I've somehow (through networking) gotten myself an internship-training situation going on in one of the biggest companies in the UAE. It's only every Friday that I go to work there now, unpaid, but this is for experience sake so. Plus it's going to be a pretty big plus for my CV. Insanely grateful for that.

Secondly, my fiance's coming back this Wednesday from Berlin. And I get to be with him every few days again! I've missed him a lot, and I'm pretty sure being with him irl will soothe my moodiness for the next few hellish days.

Today starts off on a good note though. I'm writing this post in my bed, having just woken up. My mum came into my room, climbed onto my bed and gave me a big hug for no particular reason. That already makes me feel better. The rest of today is going to be just me working and taking a break, cleaning my room and simple stuff like that.

....I kind of really don't want to work but.. oh well.

[fazeebee]

11.02.2025

Books and roses, for the month of love?

First post of February. Starts with reminiscing the past few weeks. Kind of long, so apologies in advance-

It's been one heck of a time where I feel like nothing happened yet everything happened as well. We live in strange times, and that's evident even in my relatively drama-free life.

The last block came to an end in slight chaos, but I somehow managed. The following week of holidays were spent with one of my closest friends, my family and myself. I spent time kayaking after a little picnic with my buddy, being slightly weirded out by going on a horse carriage with family, and reading.

In other news, my fiance and I have challenged ourselves to go through a dopamine detox for a month. Today is day 3 and I'm already f*ckin losing my shit with no coffee, no sugar, no music (kill me), no scrolling (which is good) and no personal pleasure—iykwim. No shame in admitting that, really. And honestly I didn't realize just how addicted I was to coffee and music until now. It makes sense why I have an absolutely useless memory and bad anxiety.

How can I not, with how much I run away from myself? I zone out even mid conversations while passively talking, I zone out at the most minor of inconveniences to avoid a small amount of negative emotion, I zone out from my present.

I decided I didn't want to live like this anymore, so I took up the challenge. I'm absolutely dreading it, I'm dying with the lack of dopamine flowing in me. I've never been THIS discontent before and low key depressed, it feels like I'm parched but only for coffee. Particularly the simple kind I make.

4-5 total hours on the bus and while trying to fall asleep with absolutely nothing but my own thoughts is not... fun. Not at all fun. It freaking sucks. I low-key feel like a zombie rn.

But the good thing is that I am more forced to be present. And more aware. And I also realized that my thoughts aren't as scary as they once were. Well unless I'm actually feeling horrible. But otherwise I don't need to run away from myself, I'm just me.

So I think from now on I'm gonna give myself some time. Dedicated time. In my own head. I'm actually kind of excited to see how that works out during this new block, and how it'll affect my work.

[fazeebee]

Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free

[fazeebee]

29.01.2025

winter time grass and journaling.

The past few weeks have been FILLED with work on top of work. The deadline is this friday, and I still have work left to complete.

I was stressed out. As much as I love my course, it's very demanding of my time and energy. I got a little too lost in work, I ended up getting a few anxiety attacks yesterday and this morning. Racing heart, cold sweat and semi-paralysis. All of that. Wasn't fun.

Thankfully something in me told me to talk to my mans about this, and he helped. He's the one who told me to go outside and just exist for a little while.

And I did.

I went out to the park behind my building—the one I always find myself going back to. I sat down on the ground, took off my shoes and let the electrons in the ground recharge me. I instantly felt my anxiety melt away. It was like magic. It was then that I realized that I actually hadn't gone out for myself to reconnect with my present in ages. Going to uni and back doesn't count, because that's... uni. Yk?

I turned 19 last Monday. It wasn't the best day I wanted to have, the birthday blues got the best of me. The work was kind of killing me. Many things weren't going my way and I felt that things were out of my control. I wanted to journal it out, but I stupidly forgot my old journal (it still had a few pages left) in that beach hotel. I didn't get a new notebook until last night.

All these thoughts and more were swirling around in my head and I finally got to put them down in my new journal this evening. Whilst touching grass 🌱✨

Never underestimate the loveliness of mama earth. She can quite literally give you life. I feel happier because of her.

[fazeebee]

20.01.2025

pencil sketches and muted sunshine

Today went well, I got my maker's stall concept approved by both professors. I do have to make iterations on them even further though, until something that all of us like has been designed.

I was tired today, especially since the 2 day staycation prior to this wasn't really a full on rest. But regardless I did spend my time quite nicely, I'm happy with it.

Taking pictures of little parts of my day like this helps me view my life more positively, I won't lie.

I've got work on autocad to do for tomorrow's ARC class, but I haven't really gotten to doing that yet. Class starts at 2pm, so the plan is to start working on it tomorrow once I reach uni at 11am and for now get a full night's rest. Just to help me stay sane and relatively alive.

I'm kinda looking forward to tomorrow even though nothing special is going on, it's kinda nice.

[fazeebee]

18.01.2025

winter skies and sunset vibes.

The day before yesterday went by in a productive yet tiresome way, but I'm quite satisfied with it. I did some weekend planning and some work. And my sickness is also getting better, thankfully.

Right now I'm out with my family for a weekend getaway, a staycation situation. I did some work in between, but mostly I just had a really healthy time, a really peaceful time.

This morning was just beautiful, I spent some time outside the beach with my mum, we both journaled in our own little way. Walked by the shore where the sea would wash away our worries right from our feet. Though there may not be snow on the beach, the weather is cold, it's winter here.

Life is good. My time so far was very intentional, very well spent. I haven't felt this peaceful in a long time.

Tomorrow we go back home by noon, and after taking a short rest I will start working again. I do have some things to finish by Monday, so let's see!

[fazeebee]

13.01.2025

Rainy morning, cloudy day= sweater weather?

It was.... not that great a day today. In terms of how class went, I mean. There was a progress check on our work today and our professors were extremely disappointed in us, one of them kinda said some mean things to all of us since our class was more behind than we initially thought.

I feel guilty af since it feels like I wasted my holidays even though I was sick for more than half of it. Maybe I shouldn't have taken those rest days? Maybe I should've been more pessimistic while calculating the time I'd need for all this work? I still struggle with procrastination and it sucks. I know the why behind it, I kind of know how to fix it, yet I find it hard to just go through with it. And that sucks.

I feel bad. But I'm determined to finish as much as I can before the formative review on Wednesday. I don't have much time, so I decided to not go uni tomorrow and stay home in my room to finish work, cutting out the total 5-6 hours of travel time. Tomorrow's class is about autocad, and I do have another task of drawing out the plan of my room in it with dimensions and everything, but that can wait.

First, I finish the main workload. If I post tomorrow then it's only going to be once I finish what I intend to.

[fazeebee]

12.01.2025

Moon in the mirror and Map work?

Yeah no I ended up going to the hospital cuz the flu got so bad. Legit felt like my brain was hard jelly wobbling and smacking against my skull every time I walked or did any slight movement- it sucked. I ended up taking uni off on Thursday which sucked even more cuz it was my favourite professor's class :(

But on a more positive note, I ended up getting a few full days of rest. Kind of productive in that sense. I only did some uni work today, like 2/6 maps. I did one map a few days ago, so in total I've got 3/6 maps done, (not counting the non urgent ones).

I've actually got lots of work to finish before the formative review on Wednesday (basically when profs check ur progress on work and give feedback). I aim to finish at least 90% of the stuff by then so that I can move ahead with ease towards the finals. It's probably gonna be a pain in the ass since I'm still in the recovery process, but I should be able to do it.

Pretty sure I can.

... I tell myself I'll never take my health for granted every time I'm sick, yet I find myself telling myself the same thing every time it's sick season. Such is the way of my silly human brain, I suppose.

[fazeebee]

as an architecture student and a green lover, *moans*

Castleton, Peak District