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[fdd700]

i’m such a hater (it makes me physically unwell to actively hate someone) (everything i’ve ever loved has claw marks in it)

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Remus: Hey Janus?

Janus: what?

Remus: are you awake?

Janus: who the fuck do you think said what?!?

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Patton: I don't know what to say

Janus: let me

Patton: don't be mean about it though

Janus, staring directly at Patton: frantic backspacing

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Logan: Wait, who drinks the lactose free milk?

Patton: Me, I’m lactose intolerant

Logan: I literally saw you finish a pint of ice cream last night

Patton: I said I was lactose intolerant, not responsible

[fdd700]

SADNESS OVER NEW THOMAS SANDERS VIDEO!!!!

AND A SANDERS SIDE VIDEO TOO?!?

[fdd700]

If The Heavens Ever Did Speak

Warnings: religious trauma, demons, biased view of religion, insecurity, homophobia, church, quotes from the bible Themes: Religion, demons, corruption Words: I'd say a lot (2091)

this is all based on a dream I had ages ago

-

“In him was life, and that life was the light of men."

The chapel is filled with the muttering of the hopeless and hopeful. Logan tunes them out as he listens to the words as absorbs them. A shoulder presses to his, a soft movement and slow reminding him that there is a body beside him. He does not turn to face them as he is sure they don’t either. His mind is on his Lord, and there it will stay. He listens to the words and lets them sink deep into his skin and brain. His mind is on the Lord, and there it will stay.

Virgil is silent beside him, hands interlocked and close to his lips as he repeats the scriptures and words, repeating and muttering as he gives his all to his Lord. Logan is beside him, and Virgil knows his eyes are closed as he lets the words be absorbed. Virgil does not look, keeping his eyes cracked as he mutters and prays alongside his community. From the corner of his eyes, he sees the fearful, those who do not respect what they are doing. He will not let himself be tainted with them.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

They are quiet upon their return home. Their home is cracking and broken, but they do not complain. If not in this life, then in the next, they will see heaven. They will see plenty and will not want for anything. They will not want in this life. Virgil is the first to speak, the first to break their silence and bring them away from their scripture.

“Lunch?” Logan gives him a small smile, nodding as he puts their coats away as Virgil moves slowly through the kitchen. His limbs are heavy, and his mind is complete, but he moves methodically. The curtains are blowing softly beside him as he moves slowly. The light is soft and grey as the rain is drizzling down. If he strains, he can hear the scratching of Logan’s quill move against the paper in the other room, but for not, he won’t. The floors creak below him, and the ceiling above him does so too. He does not want nor does he complain. He is alive.

“Though we are overwhelmed by our sins, you forgive them all.”

“Humans? Again?” Instead of remaining focused on the humans through the screen, he doesn't turn to the voice. “Remus? This is hardly normal?” Subpoena tries to fight the grin that is consuming his face, but he can’t.

“What can I say, Roman? They intrigue me,” He replies before he spots them. They’re his favourites to watch. They’re slow and sullen, and he almost revels in it. Almost. 

“Remus.” He doesn’t respond, his mind and eyes following the humans as they move slowly, their bodies rigid. “Their god does not like us.”

“Their god has nothing on me.” Remus blocks him out, letting his humans consume him in their movements. He can hear the sound of footsteps as Roman leaves, but he does not turn. He watches their descent to their quarters. His lips curl into a scowl as the run-down shack they live in. The wallpaper is crumbling, and the table and furniture are chipped. His eyebrows furrowed as he leaned forward, planting his hand on his chin as he watched their movement. One moves to the kitchen, preparing a simple stew. The other moves to the bedroom, scribbling in a notebook. Remus, still leaning forward, lets a smirk overcome his face again.

“The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.”

Virgil finds himself being drawn to the man before him. He is supposed to be helping the priest with the monthly charity event, but he’s found himself completely distracted. The man’s hair is darker than the night, and his eyes seem to be overtaken by a shadow that Virgil is entranced by and wishes to get lost in. He finds himself moving without thought, entirely overwhelmed by desire as he moves close to the man. He pauses a few metres away, suddenly aware of his .mind again. He frowns, looking at the floor as he frowns at himself. He should not desire for anything, he remembers. He turns around, leaving the man behind. 

Throughout the day, the man sits in his mind. He is consumed by him, so much so that he returns to the same place where he first saw him. To his surprise, the man is there again.

“Hello,” the man says, a smile spread across his face. Virgil does not match the expression but does not turn away. He knows he should. The Lord does not welcome mingling with outsiders, but he figures once won’t hurt. “What’s your name?”

“Virgil,” he speaks before thinking. 

“I’m Remus. Tell me, where did you disappear off to? You seemed to be hellbent on coming over to me, then changed your mind.”

“I had to help my priest organise an event,” Virgil says.

“You’re religious?” Virgil nods. “Do you ever grow tired?” Virgil blinks at him, eyes widening. “Tired of waiting for your god to help you?”

“I don’t have those thoughts,” Virgil says, moving away from the man, but he follows him.

“Don’t or shouldn’t. Surely you have wants? Desires?”

“I-” Virgil pauses, standing in front of him.

“You can tell me your wants?”

Let it be known that Virgil rarely doubts. The church was his saviour, saving him from himself when he was young and alone. It gave him Logan, his love (even if he could never tell him), and it gave him a home, a community. Virgil has not wanted for anything because he knows what it is to suffer, and so he will be thankful for what little he has.

“You could have more,” the man, Remus, says. “You could have more than what you have.” Remus moves closer to him, and Virgil should move away, should return to his life and not want. He should never question his Lord. But he doesn’t. “I could give you what you want and what you need.” Virgil feels a hand on his hip, and he finds himself unwilling to move away, his breath stolen from him as he feels the man’s arms consume him.

“Remus, I- what- But-” 

“Shhh, let yourself want, human, let yourself want with me,” Remus’s voice is in his ear. 

“I shouldn’t think these things,” Virgil whispers.

“Your Lord has no control here.”

“I-” Virgil closes his eyes, mind conflicted. His lord saved him and gave him Logan; he should never doubt him.

“Is Logan your love's name?”

“I- He’s not my-”

“I see how you look at him?” Quality’s face burns red. “I see how he looks at you.”

“He doesn’t- it’s not returned.”

“Oh dear, little one, your Lord has led you astray. Making you believe you cannot love. Follow me. Come with me. You can love in peace with me.”

“But my lord-”

“Your Lord has forgotten you.” Virgil opens his eyes to meet Remus’s red ones. His eyes widen more as a soft hand comes up to cradle his face. He should pull away, but he finds himself wanting to stay. He finds himself wanting. “Stay with me.”

“And Logan?”

“Let’s go to him then.” Virgil feels himself being moved, and in the blink of an eye, he’s home, and Logan is looking up at him. 

“Logan…” he says, and his voice already betrays him. The air is heavy and cold, and Virgil thinks he might cry at the look in Logan’s eyes.

“You have forsaken him-”

“Logan-”

“After all he’s done for you-”

“Logan, please-”

“After all he’s given us?”

“I love you.” Logan is quiet, eyes wide. “I know he says we are wrong, but we aren’t. I love you. Please, Logan, we could- I don’t know, Logan, we could go, Logan, please, I love you-”

“No- no, you can’t. It’s wrong, Virgil, it’s-” Virgil is crying, tears streaming down his face as Logan steps back.

“Logan.” Logan spins around at the new voice. “Your Lord has forsaken you. He knows nothing of love.”

“No, he loves us, he cares for us, he-”

“Has left you behind.” Remus moves closer to him. “I know this. Virgil knows this. See the light.”

“No, he- no!”

“He has left you in the dark, Logan. He has forsaken you.”

“No, I- no, he-. NO!”

“You love Logan. You love Virgil, but your lord has abandoned you. You cling to a faith that has done nothing but hurt you.” Logan’s breath catches as his eyes connect with fiery red eyes. “I can offer you safety. I have seen you two want for more than you have. For safety and love, Logan, I can give you that. Come with me.”

“Logan, please,” Virgil says. “I can’t stay, not now. But I can’t leave you-” He cuts himself off with a sob, Remus pulls him close, and Logan feels something well in his chest at the sight.

“You’re a demon,” Logan whispers.

“I am,” Remus says. “I am a demon, and I am your salvation.” Logan steps towards Virgil, towards both of them. He extends his hand, letting Virgil attach to them, to fall into his arms.

“I love you,” he mumbles to the man, who only cries harder. “Why do you help us?” he asks the demon, and the demon smiles, not cruel or unkind like he’s been taught but small and vulnerable.

“I have seen what you god does to his people; I do not wish to see you suffer.”

“But why?” he asks, desperately searching for anything because if he’s going to leave all he’s known behind, he needs a reason.

“Because I know what it is to want. To want for something and not get it,” Remus says, hands moving to cup Logan’s cheek to press against Virgil. “To love and not be allowed to show it.” Logan's face tilts, almost unconsciously, leaning against the warm hand. “Your God hath forsaken you, but I never will.”

“My lovers got humour.”

Remus finds himself to be lucky. He supposes it’s in his nature. The sky is dark as he sits. If he were awake, Virgil would say the sky is always dark here, but he sleeps peacefully on his lap, his head rested on his chest as his chest rises and falls softly and peacefully. Logan remains awake, his hand moving through Virgil’s hair, looking up at Remus, where he sits at his throne every few moments. When he’s sure Virgil is asleep, he moves away, letting Remus’s hand replace his and brush through Virgil’s hair.

“Why?” Logan asks, voice quiet. “Why us?”

“Love is a fickle thing,” Remus responds. “I’ve seen how your god treats his people, with punishments and pain for things that are out of your control. I do not wish to see you suffer. To see either of you suffer.”

“Why us?”

“Because you deserve better.”

“How do you know? How do you know we do? We have sinned. We have loved people we should not. We have broken the rules. We’ve been tempted. We’ve wanted.”

“You can want here.”

“It is wrong,” Logan whispers, but Remus knows he does not mean it.

“You are happier here,” Remus says. “You could be. You could be safe here. You could love him here.”

“Why help us?”

“I love you.”

“You don’t know us.”

“Unlike your old God, I take care of my people. You will not have to want because I will give you it all. I will shower you in it all.” Logan says nothing, letting himself move closer to believe. “You can love here. You can stay here.”

“You don’t know us,” Logan repeats, doubting his own words.

“I do not need to. I want to, but I have seen you, how you need.” Remus’s warm hand returns to his cheeks. “Can your God do this?” And then there are lips on his, and Logan feels the want rush through him. The wants he has repressed for years on the instruction of his community. He feels the want to kiss Virgil and hold him. The want to make mistakes and to live rush through him as Remus moves away. “Let the want consume you.”

“It’s a sin,” Logan whispers, but he doesn’t mean it. He finds himself wanting to sin.

“Whats sin to a demon?”

"Knows everybody's disapproval, should've worshipped them sooner."

[fdd700]

Grief

Themes: death, grief, hopeful ending Warnings: Death, grief, anger, pain, loss, car accidents, crying. Words: A fair amount (1245 words)

i. I am coping. I'll post something happier soon. Take care of yourselves and each other

Virgil realises that his thoughts tend to think in Before and After on a slightly damp day.

Before the event and After.

It's a steeling sort of realisation, like a dunk of cold water as he remembers there once was Before—a before the chest pain and the tears. There was a time when it was just a worst-case scenario and not his reality.

There was a time before Janus was dead.

And now he was in the after.

He still thinks about that before, more than any good grief counsellor would let him get away with. He still thinks about the night he went to bed, Virgil Storm, a 30-year-old with a husband who works night shifts. Not Virgil Storm, a widow. Not Virgil Storm, whose friends have to visit every day because they know there's no food in the house, and they don't want to plan another funeral.

It's an awful feeling, too, because no matter how much he closes his eyes and squeezes them shut to the point of pain, there's no going back to the before. There's no prayer, wish, spell, or nothing that will bring him back to the before. Or that will bring Janus to the after. There's no backwards, and the forwards seem unbearable to him, sitting here on a damp day, with the heating off but a blanket around him. Janus' cup from that morning Is still on the end table because Virgil hasn't been able to cope with the thought of there never being another cup there.

He cries a lot and is tired a lot. Patton tries his best to get him to sleep but doesn't understand why Virgil can't seem to. He thinks it would be an escape, but Virgil just can't do it. He can't bring himself to sleep when he knows he will only have to wake up again. And for a few minutes, Virgil knows he won't remember. He'll reach for that long-cold side of the bed because he won't remember, and he thinks that might be the cruellest thing he could ever do. A selfish part of him wants to forget, wants to forget this sadness and pain, but he can't, so he won't. Janus doesn't deserve that; Janus deserves more than to be t-boned on the interstate when coming home after making a pitstop because Virgil wanted doughnuts.

But Virgil can't think about that right now, so he doesn't. He just cries and huddles closer to the blanket.

Remus supposes they think he's heartless. Or if not heartless, then repressed. If he's frank, he's probably a little bit of both. And stupid, added in. Though he'd have to give a massive fuck you to the people who seem to think they get to decide how he copes.

It wasn't their best friend who was killed by a fucking idiot drunk driver at 4 am. No, it was his. His oldest friend was killed just like that, and Remus thinks he's allowed to cope however the fuck he sees fit. Whether it be drinking himself, angry and getting into a fight, or screaming so hard the cops are called at 2 am while at home, then he's coping, sue him.

It hits him in waves, the grief. In the mornings, he'll wake up and be sad, but he'll be able to breathe. And then he'll be at the store, and he'll see Janus' favourite chocolates on sale or smell his cologne or hear something, and it's like his finding out all over again, and he can't breathe again, and his eyes will water, and he'll have to go home and cry like a baby.

He knows one person in the world will understand his feelings, but how does he do that? Reach out to Virgil, Janus' widow, and say he's struggling? As if the man didn't lose his husband, his partner, the person he wanted and was willing to spend the rest of his life with. The person he wanted to travel with and host Christmas with. How does Remus go up to the man who lost his soulmate and look for comfort in him?

So he doesn't.

He didn't think Virgil would either until he did.

Remus finds himself at the front door of Virgil's house (it's a punch in his gut to no longer call it Virgil and Janus' house), and he's stalling on ringing the doorbell because then he'll come face to face with the widow of his best friend.

Once again, Virgil makes the first move. He opens the door, and red eyes meet watery ones.

"Come in," he says. And Remus does. He steps inside, and he stands in the hallway.

"how-"

"don't," Virgil says. "You know, so don't ask." And Remus nods because he does know. Of course, he does. If anyone would, it's him. "I didn't ask you here to help me through my grief; let's face it, neither of us is doing well. I asked you here because there's no point in both of us going through it alone." He takes a deep breath. "He wouldn't want us to, and since he isn't here to force us to talk to each other, I'm doing it." Remus has nothing to say in response, so he only nods. Virgil's right. Janus would hit them both on the head for isolating themselves. "So we're going to clean in silence. We're going to clean-" Virgil breaks off, a sob escaping before he takes a deep breath and continues, voice thick, "we're going to clean his cups and plates, and I've been too scared to. And his shirts." And Remus nods again, shoulders shaking.

"We will." And it's all he can manage to say, he realises. Because he has no other words to share, he realises that's okay.

So they clean. And when Virgil's sobs get too loud, or Remus' hands shake too much, they stop and drink a glass of water or watch some dumb sitcom episode. And when the sobs and shakes subside, they help each other and continue.

It takes three days and millions of breaks, but the next time Patton visits to restock the fridge, the plates and bowls are gone, and the sheets are clean. There are still shirts that need to be washed, but Remus puts them back on Janus' side of the bed, reminding Virgil this is a marathon, not a sprint. And there are still albums that need to be sorted, but Virgil took them from Remus' shaking hands and put them in a bag for Remus to take home to keep when he has the strength to return to his apartment.

The others come over for dinner - Logon and Roman coming in after work, Roman pulling his brother close the second he's in arms reach. Patton makes pasta, and the three of them - Logon, Roman and Patton - share stories and jokes about Janus. Virgil and Remus are quiet, but it's not a lousy quiet. They're just exhausting because grief is crippling, and this is the first time they've genuinely stopped in what feels like weeks, so they relish in it.

And in the morning, they both wake up on the couch, turn on the TV, and comfort each other when Janus' favourite documentary or an ad for his favourite movie comes on.

They'll live, they decide. They'll suffer, choke, cry, and get angry, but they'll live.

If for no reason other than Janus' wasn't able to, they'll live.

[fdd700]

existing online is weird because i see people have online friends but the only online friends I've had we've either grown apart or just lost contact.

like i wanna join online spaces but the spaces I'd join are already spaces people in my life have asked me to allow them to keep private to themselves (which they are absolutely allowed to do)

so here I come, back to sander sides Tumblr to cope lmao /lh

[fdd700]

I’m yelling at the void but idc

(Yes, hello, i changed my username and profile picture. and IRL found my account and I felt like a change)

But just. The way Thomas has set up Logan’s ark (something I’ve been screaming over) makes me wanna scream /pos

Because we’ve talked about Logan wanting to be taken seriously but at the same time being allowed to be goofy and emotional, not enough, but its been mentioned. But its interesting how uncomfortable that makes him. Like he fight to be taken seriously because he wants to be respected, something that the rest of the sides half do. Like Roman’s name calling is a sign of disrespect because he aims at what he knows will knock Logan down. Like this isn’t me attacked Roman, the feud is 100% two-side a lot of the time.

But I’d love to see an ark of Logan trying to balance the fact that Thomas is not a serious person, but that Logan is and instead of one bending to the other, they need to accept the faults in each other and work together.

This is a stream of consciousness post so forgive me if it makes no sense

[fdd700]

Shocker! I didn't die, I simply moved to ao3 and got into mcyt lmao, sorry gang

[fdd700]

Jitters

I'm back from the dead. and by dead I mean I think I've melted

Theme: fluff, the first day of school, domestic fluff Warnings: No warning Words: 973

"I don't want to!" Patton sighed, looking down at ten-year-old Virgil as he pouted on the staircase.

"I know, storm clouds, but you have to go to school," he explains, bending down to Virgil's eye level. "It's very scary, I know but it's important."

"Why?"

"Because I can't teach you these things myself, storm cloud, and your dad and I have to send you to school."

"I wanna stay at home with you and dad." Patton sighs.

"I know you do but Dad and I have got to let you go to big school. You were so excited about it yesterday, what happened?" Virgil says nothing, pouting. "What's up buttercup?" Patton pressed but it met with the same response.

"That's quite the pout, Virgie, what's wrong?" Virgil's eye shoots up at the voice of his dad, looking at Janus' eyes as he comes up behind Patton.

"Will you not make me go to school?"

"Virgie, I work here. I'm legally required to bring you," Janus says and Virgil's pout deepens. "How about this," Janus begins, crouching down to Virgil's eye level. "You tell me what's up and why you are scared, and Pops and I will see what we can do to help."

"I'm gonna be the only new kid... No one likes new kids," Virgil says. "And! My dad's the principal! Everyone is gonna make fun of me." Janus gives Virgil a sad smile, sharing a look with Patton. "Why couldn't we just stay back home. Where we used to live."

"Because, storm cloud, Dad got a much better job here. A job that means we can do more fun family stuff together," Patton says.

"I know but..."

"But it's not home yet?" Janus asks and Virgil nods, leaning into Janus' half hug. "How about this Virg," Janus says. "If you make it through today. Whether it be a good day or even just a day, me, you and pops will go to the nice diner near the arcade and we can drown our sorrows together."

"Drown them in milkshakes?" This gets a chuckle out of both of Virgil's parents, though he has no idea why.

"Yes, with milkshakes, Virgie." Janus squeezes him with one arm. "Or we can order take out and go on the long walks like we used to before."

"Can we do both?" Virgil asks, looking at Patton with puppy eyes, knowing damn well he's easily influenced by them.

"Of course, storm clouds. But you have to promise to have a day and not hide in the bathrooms." Patton ruffles Virgil's hair. "It's okay if you have a panic attack. We'll talk to Mr Picani about increasing your sessions if you can't handle it, okay?" Virgil nods at the mention of his therapist (Picani was Patton's roommate back in college and Virgil's therapist since the child had started getting bad nightmares and anxiety attacks a year prior). "I love you to the clouds."

"And I love you to the sun," Virgil parroted back.

"And I love you all the way back," Janus finished, kissing Patton on the cheek and allowing him to give Virgil a hug goodbye.

"Be safe, boys, okay!? Love you!" Janus smiled and waved at him as Virgil buried himself in his hoodie.

"Have a good day dad," Virgil said.

"Have a day, Virgie."

-

"Not a complete disaster?" Patton said, sneaking another chip off Janus' plate as the three of them sat in the diner.

"Not really. One kid, Remus, talked to me but he was a bit weird. He has a brother named Roman," Virgil said, trialling off as he tried to recall everything that had happened. "Oh and some older kid from the joint high school said my hair was cool. He was drinking Starbucks which I didn't think we were allowed in the corridors" Janus raised his eyebrows. "Oops, probably shouldn't have said that in front of you."

"Technically, purple hair isn't allowed either, Jan, so we can't pick and choose," Patton pointed out

"We, is it now?" Janus teased before smacking Patton's wandering hand. "These are not our chips, Pat."

"Aren't you a communist?"

"Not when it comes to fries, love," Janus joked and Patton rolled his eyes. "How's your food, Virgil? Your Pops hasn't tried to steal any yet, I hope."

"Pops can have as many chips from me as he wants," Virgil said, smiling smugly at Patton's quiet squeal of delight.

"Suck up." Virgil simply stuck his tongue out and Janus ruffled his hair, laughing. "Come on kid, finish up your burger. Think you'll have room for a sundae?" Virgil looks offended at the implication that he wouldn't have room for a sundae.

"Don't make yourself sick," Patton warns. "We are still going for a walk back home." Virgil nods, tucking into his burger. Patton's hand finds Janus'. "How was your day?"

"Good. The science teacher, Logan, he's pretty nice," Janus says. "He says most of the teachers here are a bit bitter that they hired outside the school for the new principal instead of promoting one of them."

"Is he? Bitter, I mean?"

"I don't think he cares much. Long as we don't disrupt each other," he explains. "Nice thought, he showed me a nice place to get a better place to get coffee in the morning." Janus intertwines their fingers. "How about you, Pat? How was your day?"

"Well, I bought some painting stuff," he says sheepishly. "I figured since I don't have to work anymore to make ends meet, I can get back to it."

"That's great, Pat, really," Janus says, squeezing their hands tighter.

Things are gonna be okay, Patton decides. Even if Janus' colleagues are a little bitter and Virgil is anxious about it all, things will be okay. And if they're not, he'll figure it out.

"Virgil you can't inhale a burger you will joke-"

"Watch me!"

"Virgil!"

They'll be okay.

[fdd700]

new Janus video... damn i really forgot how obsessed in love with sander sides until i got new content

[fdd700]

me: i don't have a favorite character in sander sides-

also me: *makes Virgil the centre in all of my fics, uses him in all my projection fics, all my favourite ships include him*

me: ... okay so i might have a favourite sander sides character

[fdd700]

Janus: Remus, I swear to god I will end you

Remus: Really? I will gaslight you, don't tempt me, I'm a cancer

[fdd700]

Not A Lie

Themes: Virgil and Janus actually talk for once, ship fic Warnings: Reference to lies, crying, shouting work, minor cursing. Words: 662 words

“You left us! You were the one who thought you were better than us!” Janus is screaming now. He’s screaming and he can’t find it in himself to care. “Stop acting like you’re the one who was hurt by all of this, you left us! You left me!” There’s silence but Janus is fuming. No, Virgil doesn’t get to just silently sit through this. He has to respond. He has to face Janus’ anger. “Oh really?! Nothing to say now, huh, Virgil?! No, come back?! NO-”

“You left me first.” And the room is silent again. Janus is looking at Virgil, at the silently furry that rolls off him in waves. “You left me first.” He repeats. “You stepped back. I- I kissed you and you kissed me back and then- then, you pretended it never happened! Like we never happened. And you ignored me and lied to me when I tried to ask about it, tried to figure out what was happening. So you get off your high horse, you’re not the only one that got left behind!” Janus is silent. His fuming. He’s so angry he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He wants to shout at Virgil, but he also just wants to go to his room and never leave again.

“We don’t work.”

“We don’t.”

There’s a silent understanding that they could. If they tried, they could work. They could work beautifully. But neither want to make the first move. There’s too much hurt and too much pain there. It’s a wound that neither side will ever fully heal from separately. But together is exhausting. Being together is scary. Janus is look at him, at Virgil, and he almost reaches out. He almost extends his hand and brushes the hair from his face like he’s done a million times before. But he can’t and he hates it. His fingers twitch, almost beginning but then Virgil is looking at him with tears in his eyes. Virgil is crying. He made Virgil cry. And Virgil made him cry,

“Goodbye, Janus.” ‘Beg me to stay. Ask me stay. I’ll stay if you tell me to,’ Virgil’s mind screams. ‘I would stay here and fight but I need you to give me a reason. Give me a reason, Jan, please-’

“Goodbye Virgil.”

They just couldn’t work, could they?

They were improbable.

--

It took Janus a whole twenty seconds to realise he did not fucking care. He did not give a single shit about probability (who let’s math dictate their live?).

It takes him twenty seconds to realise he was wrong. He didn’t want to repeat this cycle. He was never a fan of cycles. 

It takes him twenty seconds to realise he was wrong, and another twenty to start moving. 

He moves fast, like he’ll die if he doesn’t. To a degree, he will. Because he’s sick of being scared. He’s darting through the hallway (he’s probably almost knocking into someone but he doesn’t care.) He’s running because this is Virgil and he’s sick to death of being stubborn. He barges into Virgil’s room and his heart breaks when he sees the tear streaked face.

“What?” He says, voice heavy. “What more could you possibility want?”

“I love you.”

“Shut up.”

“I have been in love with you for years.”

“Please.”

“And I know you’re anxious-” duh “-and you have no reason to trust me.”

“You’re a liar.”

“But, liar’s honour, I love you.” He’s standing in front of first now, who hasn’t moved. Weakly, Virgil lifts his hand, hitting it softly against Janus’ chest.

“I hate you.” Lie. “I hate you so much.” Another lie. 

“You know I know when you lie, right?”

“Yes.” Not a lie. They’re silent. Janus hesitantly opens his arms and Virgil falls against his chest. “I wish I could hate you.” Lie. “But I love you too much.” Not a lie. Janus smiles, wrapping his arms against the other side.

“I love you.” Not a lie.

“I know.” Not a lie.

Here. Uhm, have this short fic because I’m not dead :)

[fdd700]

Teacher sander sides AU

(I’ve had this is my drafts for ages and like... here you go i guess? lmao)

So I dont really have an exact idea of the plot but this has been in my head.

before I begin;

Virgil and Deceit; half black (African American mom, white dad) Logan: mixed (half Asian and half American mom, black dad) Roman: second-generation American to a Cuban family. Patton: Spanish parents and grandparents but born in the US Remy: half english/Irish on his mom’s side Thomas: American (Thomas is as he is in the ‘real world’)

TW: Mentions of an abusive childhood (mentioned in Virgil’s 5th bullet point and Janus’ third point)

Virgil Dark

22, panromantic and demisexual, temp art teacher but becomes the permanent art teacher when the previous teacher quits a year into his temp work 

Graduate from high school early and went straight to college on a sports scholarship

TW: ABUSE; His older brother is Janus, who got him the job. Do not fuck with Janus around him. he will kill you.

Loves kids and art. He’s the cool teacher who curses and is never seen without some sort of hot drink

Grew up in an abusive household. His mom died when he was young. He was never physically abused, but his dad just usually acted like he didn’t exist.

Relies on Janus for everything, is sometimes non-verbal so Janus helps translate for his friends who don’t know sign language.

Loads of his kids learned sign language so they could communicate better with him

He cried

is very protective of his friends and his students

Looks smol but with fuk you up

“But Lo, they said they wanted to draw you!”

Janus Dark

24, polysexual and homoromantic, classics (idk if every country has this but it’s pretty much latin studies, along with ancient Greece and Rome studies) and philosophy/religion teacher

Virgil's big brother

TW: ABUSE; While his dad pretended Virgil didn’t exist, the monster of a man mostly verbally abused Janus. He gave him the burning scar when he poured hot water on his face. That what got the process of them getting out of that house started. Janus just turned eighteen and began V’s legal guardian and they ran away together

Loves teaching classics because he loves teaching about old civilisations

is constantly learning new things and always strays away from the curriculum

constantly annoys Virgil will long in-depth conversations

“I’m just saying, that, technically, if this life was a computer simulation, we can’t die. just be reset.”

“It is thREE IN THE AFTERNOON AND I AM TRYING NOT TO HAVE AN ANXIETY ATTACK HERE.”

Despite teasing the younger, he will kill you if you look at Virgil wrong or even breathe in his direction wrong.

Flirts with everyone but Remy {;)} which upsets the other but its only cause he has a massive crush that Virgil constantly teases him over he isn’t like that with him.

Loves his students but will still give quizzes. A lot of them actually. But all his students appreciate him

Goes on mad rants about how everyone was gay in Rome but how “the heteros don’t want you to know”

Thats the phrase he says the most

Patton Blue

28, gay, a home economics teacher

every year sews name tags on his students’ aprons.

gets the best results in the school for his subject

cooking puns galore

“lettuce not be too hasty with that salad!” ”good luck to you all! bake a leg!” “gotta get that bake-ini body!”

Is just a soft squish who loves all his students so much

Was the first to welcome Janus when he was new

His student will kill you if you hurt him

he’s the teacher no one can give out about

loves everyone so much. he’s just got a lotta love to give, let him give it

Is always fighting for better resources for all the teachers

union president in the school

he helps his student by coming in on his weekend to help them with questions and helps with study supervising after school

Is blind without his glasses but loses them constantly (they’re usually on top of his head)

Is very forgetful most days

volunteers in his spare time

Logan Star

28 (two weeks older than Patton), bisexual and his gender fluctuates. he can’t find a term he thinks fits him (uses he/him pronouns the most and occasionally They/them, it depends on the day. doesn’t feel comfortable with she/her)

is the smartest teacher but doesn’t like to brag (skipped three grades)

His students usually call him Mx. Star, as its genderfluid, unless he tells them he wants to be called Mr. He’ll usually write it up on the board.

They love him to bits as he never makes them feel bad if they don’t understand and doesn’t move on till he’s sure everyone is comfortable and understands

The old principal was a family friend

Is slightly colour blind as he confuses red for orange and pink for green.

Wears glasses but can see without them

Wore contacts to class once and was voted second hottest teacher (after roman)

Knows the best calming songs thanks to Virgil

“It’s pi day and Patton bullied me till I teamed up with him and, long story short, we made forty-five pies.”

Roman Glass/Burke (biological mother’s name)

23, gay (but mostly refers to himself as queer because gay doesn’t fit, but neither does bi/poly/pansexual) and demiromantic. Drama and music teacher (was enrolled in school early and skipped a grade)

Remus’ twin and Remy’s adoptive little brother

he and remus had a rocky childhood because remus found it hard to read social cues (He’s autistic) and roman thought that he was just being mean, but when they got adopted and remus was diagnosed, they're relationship improved and now they’re inseparable 

His mother died when he was ten and was adopted by Remy’s parents at fourteen. He never knew his father but when he was adopted learnt his father died the day after he was born

Remy is his hero

Only keeps Burke as a second name out of habit but he is Mr Glass to his students

despite how much they argue, Virgil is his best friend

“why are you so edgy!” “why are you so loud!”

They love each other really

As the youngest two, they are babied by Patton and Remy. Janus packs them both lunches, Remy buys them hot chocolates and Patton bakes them cupcakes

Come play season, Roman is an absolute maniac.

Puts on two plays a year (one Shakespeare in autumn and a musical in spring)

loves Shakespeare too much. so much so that even Virgil knows at least one quote from every play

Doesn’t like doing just musicals because so many people can act but not everyone can belt notes (just cause he can do both)

Is an absolute cinnamon role “but if you mess up that step one more time, Courtney, I swEAR-”

All the students excuse his rants because they love him

Rants to his students in Spanish sometimes

him and Patton rant in Spanish also

Taught Virgil all the Spanish curse words so that he could keep up when he rants about people

His mother was deaf but he only knows Spanish sign language till Virgil helps him learn ASL. (Virgil taught him the curse words first)

Remy Glass

29, fabulous gay, new vice-principal but previously, he was a history teacher, but still takes a few classes sometimes.

Got the job because he has so much shit on everyone (and because he was working there for nearly seven years)

He is always drinking Starbucks

“open door policy. except my door is close. just open it. but knock first. and don’t come in till I let you. so yeah, remember that”

has to deliver most of the speeches

does not like delivering speeches

loves history but tends to not follow the set curriculum

drive his student's crazy because “yes sir, it’s cool how food has changed but, please sir, we wanna pass-”

Still, he has a high A and B rate

goes off topic easily

is hella rich and no one knows why

Roman knows why Remy has so much money, but won't tell anyone

Is very soft for roman, Virgil and Janus because aren’t we all?

Is in charge of the music that's played over the intercom during lunch and stuff (his idea) and usually plays Panic at the Disco or musical soundtracks. plays calming music during exams

Spends his life in that school

Will probably be found dead under his desk one day

but still loves the school

Thomas Sanders

31, gay. The principal of the middle and high school for the past five years.

Loves the students so much

Used to teach english

loves poetry

He sees the teachers as his friend more than his employees

Is very good at guessing moods and responding appropriately

Is always humming some Disney song

‘Sneaks’ into Patton's classroom for snacks (patton has a drawer of snacks just for him)

Makes sure the students are happy and feel comfortable

Not so good with expenses but the accountant is very helpful

Keeps the teacher’s salaries medium to high because he knows how many students can annoy someone no matter how amazing they are

takes his staff out for dinner at least once a month and has to physically fight Remy for the check (he loses)

he just loves??? everyone??

Like Remy, is always in the school

The students don’t call him Mr Sanders, usually referring to him as Mr Sands (which he loves and openly gives them permission

Remus Glass/Burke

also 23, asexual and aromantic

He’s not a teacher, but he works in education

he’s like a superintendent but he’s only got like 3 schools in his district so he’s around a lot

he makes a lot of sexual jokes but is actually really uncomfortable in any romantic or sexual situations (romantic and sex repulsed)

but not in a way for other people, if that make sense, he openly encourages his brother to hoe it up (before he gets with pat) but is uncomfortable being sexually or romantically involved with people

kinda just loves his brother and all his friends

he’s autistic so he doesn’t really like making friends but loves everyone in the school

also adopted by Remy’s family and they were the first to get him a psychologist to diagnose him with autism

he loves animals and has keychains with pictures of his dogs

he has two pitbulls - artemis and apollo - as well as three cats he found in the dumpster behind the school - athena, chonko and zeus (one of these things is not like the others)

loves music and writes songs sometimes for his brother

fights for the schools in his district to have better opportunities and better education when its comes to mental heath, sex education and LGBTQ+ education 

Ships

Virgil x Logan

Roman x Patton

So yeah. that’s my au. If I offended anyone or used a term you feel uncomfortable with, plz lemme know and i’ll remove it or put a trigger warning up!

[fdd700]

I am, in fact, still alive. Just deeply stressed and trying to get by haha

Hey will you reblog if you’re an active sanders sides blog? Ik a lot of people have left but. I’m still here lol