galaxyfreefall - Tumblr blog

[galaxyfreefall]

teen(r)age

a name escapes my mouth, but it is wrong. i choke on the syllables burning through my throat, the letters twisting as they scrape against my teeth. metallic agony seeps into my tongue. blades slice their way against my lips, forming— a word a name a label a plea —but it is not mine. my skin stretches across my bones, too tight and too loose as my body contorts to fit into the lines drawn for me to stay inside of. this is who you must be. i bow my head to hide the redness of my eyes and the bloodstains on my lips. they will not see the unnatural shape of my broken bones, bent to match their own. cracks and fissures snake their way from my toes to my hairline, my own flesh snapping away from itself, no longer able to bear the lie. my fingernails carve crescent moons into my palms and my teeth press indents into my tongue. scars made in the solidarity of silence. gasoline floods my veins because my heart is no better than a dusty machine existing only to fulfill a purpose. and if it is my own lungs that are set on fire, i will be the one to strike the match. my body does not (will never) belong to me. words will pry themselves from my clenched jaw and they will always come out distorted and incorrect. like punching numbers into a calculator that won’t ever bring a solution because they were wrong from the beginning. i am the dead rock following the planet of life with no light of its own. let me drift away with nothing to propel me forward. i have a broken heart and an armful of scars to power my engine. blood leaks from all my crevices and my smile is stretched by someone else’s hands and no one can wipe away these diamonds falling from my ducts. everything is practiced, everything is false. tear me apart, you know you want to. let your words strike me down and watch me fall. on the ground i will wish on my lost eyelashes for another chance in a different body that i might wear better. let me return this one, like clothes i no longer wear and toys i never truly wanted. these bruises that litter my flesh like stars can find a new home, a new storm to weather. i am hollowed out and filled with hunger for something more than this. give me more than this. i am more than this. 

[galaxyfreefall]

I'm proud of you for working so hard on your book, writing can be difficult so remember to take regular breaks, drink some water and don't be too hard on yourself. Writing a book is really hard and not everyone has it in them to do something like that, be proud of yourself :)

[galaxyfreefall]

Here's a fic I wrote somewhat based off of this post!! Feel free to give it a read!!

different person, but I was thinking about the 'fragments of wei wuxian's soul respond to enquiry' ask from the 13th of june and I think it'd be interesting if those fragments each responded differently? different fragments have different memories - one of them is so young that he still refers to jiang cheng and jiang yanli as jiang-gongzi and jiang-guniang, and he doesn't have a courtesy name. full of fear, his answers are short and polite, like he thinks this is all somehow a massive trick.

one of them is so small that he assumes he died with his parents on that terrible night hunt. alone, and afraid, he says he can't remember, but he's filled in the gaps - he must have been eaten while hiding in the tree. one fragment is stuck in the cloud recesses, teasing lan wangji relentlessly.

another remembers only the burial mounds and he screams and screams and screams and screams. his counterpart also only remembers the burial mounds and he can't say anything other than 'eat' 'eat' 'eat' over and over again. many of the fragments are similar to this one, having only one or two words or phrases they will repeat over and over again. 'stop' 'stop' 'stop'. 'get lost' 'get lost' 'get lost'. sometimes they repeat names. sometimes they repeat the names of places.

it's the hardest when too many fragments attend together - when the night is spent crying over his guqin as it produces sharps and flats and unnatural patterns, as each fragment simultaneously tries to sing it's own sad song. despite this, lan wangji learns to love the medley. until, one day, it stops...



then canon happens, or something worse if you like