gremilya-blog - Tumblr blog

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I’m totally planning on exploring my interests and passions as soon as everything is perfect and I don’t have to worry about anything anymore.

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Not too long ago, I found a mass in my left breast. Over the course of 2-3 months, I had 3 breast exams, two ultrasounds, and a 3D mammogram. This protracted process was scary, painful, and uncomfortable, and to my great relief ended up with an “all clear.” After that last radiologist told me that the doctor couldn’t find anything of concern on the mammogram, I walked to my car and sobbed. Months of worry, and trying not to worry, self-exams, looking in the mirror and comparing my breasts, and feeling that there might be something lurking in by breast every time I tucked it into a bra or every time it was cupped during sex had finally come to an end. I hadn’t cried so thoroughly in a long time, and it felt good, and it felt cleansing. 

Originally I wanted to get the tattoo directly over the lump, but I decided against it since I still need to keep an eye on my breasts for any changes. I didn’t know this before, but breast cancer can sometimes affect the way the skin looks over the area. So I decided to get it next to my breast, on my ribs. I wanted the tattoo in the first place, because I wanted to take back control over my body; I couldn’t control the pain I just went through, but I could control this. I also wanted it because I wanted to put something positive and pretty in place of all of that negativity and fear. I struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem, and the breast stuff just took me to some dark, fearful places. I always need to remind myself that I’m beautiful and worthy of love and imperfect; the tattoo is part of that. Its next to a part of me thats imperfect and worthy of love. 

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listen guys, this is 80% of being an artist

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Colbert, my little meditation buddy.

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Build Your Own Buddha Bowl

More Buddha bowl recipes here.

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I wanted to run a 5k (like run the whole way) and I fucking did it. I know that sounds small and I definitely chose a silly race for my first, but I did it. My next step is to increase the amount that I run each week and eventually work up to a 10k. I'm (historically) not good at athletic stuff; I'm a (historically) slow runner; and I am all but brave when it comes to doing anything in the sun or heat. But I want to get there. Also something kind of neat that I just realized is that I graduated high school in 2007, which correlates with my bib number and I'm pretty sure that's when I first decided that being able to run any distance would be cool. Coming full circle in 2017. Fuck trump. 🌈🦄💕🦄🌈

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After 48 hours surrounded by people, I just want to be alone so I can fart with abandon.

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Check out this doodle of my SO and our puppers, Wally!

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Here are the books that were on my reading list for March. I'm starting Lovecraft's At the Mountains of Madness today, which is a bit late, but I actually finished The Hate U Give on time. And let me tell you, it was great. I don't read very much YA but I'd heard about the book on NPR and it just didn't seem like something I could pass up. As someone who's white and who grew up basically surrounded by other white people, I think that reading stories authored by people of color is invaluable to becoming a better ally. And what's great about this book is how it approaches police violence in black neighborhoods (which has only relatively recently entered the mainstream social consciousness, but is by no means a recent development). Anyways, if you haven't already, please check out Angie Thomas's The Hate U Give and get your edification on.

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Ready or not!

I'm going to start posting again!

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The Guest House

This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice. meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes. because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

— Jellaludin Rumi, translation by Coleman Barks

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Seriously, how are people not vegan?

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Me this past week - hence today, my only off day, being the laziest day of my life.

Currently

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Batman vs. Superman...

...was fine. 

As someone that’s not a huge superhero movie fan, Batman v Superman was kind of run of the mill. The plot was loose but more or less made sense. Characters’ motives were clear and sympathetic, if also overly dramatic. Wonder Woman played a larger role than I was afraid she would. I actually ended up accepting Ben Affleck as Batman, although I had been completely skeptical beforehand. Why does Mark Zuckerberg hate Batman and Superman so much? What have they ever done to him? 

Anyways, the biggest disappointment for me on a personal level is that I’m going to have to watch Chris Pine in the Wonder Woman movie(s). Gross. And I bet he’ll be a love interest. Yuck. She deserves better, IMHO. 

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Spring time watercolor

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Hiking adventures with Wally! Such a cute pibble.