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[halfamask]

Joey/kaiba shipping is fun but have we considered the chaotic possibilities of Mokuba and Serenity getting together and Joey and Kaiba having to be very grudging BROTHERS IN LAW

[halfamask]

Any one of my friends: This booktok book is so spicy I nearly died reading it dark fantasy is my new favorite I actually don’t think you could stand it-

Me:

Ao3: Dead dove do not eat

Ao3: no beta we die like neji/junpei/fred weasley

Me: fuckfuckfuckfuckfu-

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I love a well written fanfic centered around the core plot of a piece of media as much as the next guy but By God do I love a shitty little Modern AU of them going on a silly road trip or being roommates or meeting at a college party even more

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Best thing about the Boruto series hands down is that we get to see Sasuke “part of the cycle of hatred, got traumatized by and killed his brother and definitely suffered in the hands of Orochimaru to do it, threatened to kill all five kage and destroy the hidden leaf, reincarnation of the grandson of god” Uchiha get told by his teenage daughter that he’s lame. And threaten to toss Kakashi in the river for laughing at him about it. I normally hate fillers but Boruto ones are a glaring exception I fear.

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Someone please tell me what the actual fuck a blorbo is I’ve been on this site for a month and I’m so confused

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Neji: I am going to have to physically restrain myself from beating Kiba to within an inch of his life the next time I see him.

Lee: Neji no that’s not very youthful of you we must get along with our comrades and friends.

Lee: We must work out our problems in a manner befitting our title as Leaf shinobi

Tenten: Nah go be crazy bbg beat him up lmk if you want us to help <3

Neji: …

Neji: Why did neither of you even ask why I was mad

Tenten: Want some extra kunai?

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Naruto team group chat headcannons part 2! Team 10 my fav inoshikacho lovelies.

I love to think that they’ve basically been visiting each other since they were kids since their families are friends and their dads are teammates so a lot of it is just:

Shikamaru: bruhhh my dad just said we’re all having dinner tn

Choji: whose place

Ino: mine ugh mom’s gonna make me go clean now. Shikamaru bring that candy that Neji dropped off at your place yesterday

Shikamaru: how do you know he came over

Choji: your mom said you had a guest yesterday. We weren’t there. Asuma sensei is on a mission. You don’t have any other friends that come over like that.

Ino: … we know each other too well

Also later in shippuden we get things like

Ino: Sooooo

Choji: shikamaruuuuu

Ino: looks like I didn’t have to give Temari a village tour yesterday because you already offered

Choji: really out of character for a lazy ass, wouldn’t you say Ino?

Ino: no I would absolutely say so, I’m wondering if I should ask Temari if anything was wrong with you, just because you know, you’ve NEVER offered to hang out with someone like this before when it involves work

Shikamaru: GUYS wtf shut up it was nothing I just happened to be at the Hokage’s office

Ino: hmm that’s so weird actually Sakura said they were actually expecting a chunin from the academy lol and you volunteered to run his papers up for him

Choji: hmmm a lot of work just to happen to be there shikaa

Shikamaru: I’m not dignifying this with a response

Ino: SHIKAMARU AND TEMARI SITTING IN A SAND TREE

Choji: K-I-S-S-I-

Shikamaru: I am leaving this group chat so help me god

Ino: lmfao choji he thinks he did something like he doesn’t leave and rejoin the group every other month

Shikamaru: fuck off

But also things like

Ino: SAKURA IS SUCH A BITCH!!!

Choji: Again? You were best friends yesterday

Shikamaru: EVERY GODDAMN PERSON EXCEPT ME IS AN IDIOT

Ino: Oh dear you hung out with Naruto and Kiba again didn’t you

Choji: Wanna talk about it over BBQ?

Shikamaru: No!

Choji: C’mon guysss

Ino: Choji we already got the table just come

Choji: :)

These three know each other so well it’s unfortunate. They grew up family friends and they bitch and moan to each other but they’re really more like siblings than anything else and I love it

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Naruto team group chat headcannons! Part 1

Team 7: Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke

I love these guys but they’re little shits and awful little assholes. You know every time they hang out with others they’re all:

Sakura: Did you See what Kiba was wearing

Naruto: no frrrr

Sasuke: Why does he always look like he’s trying to get shino and hinata to match outfits but neither agree to do it so he tries to match both of them and it never works

Naruto: bruhhh

Plus gossip monger Sakura and Sasuke who pretends to be better than that but isn’t

Sasuke: Is it just me or was Neji like. Extra asshole today

Sakura: no bc Ino told me that Hinata saw him and Lee get into an argument like two hours before it started AND OMG guys do we think Tenten has a crush on him

Naruto: :( Why are he and Lee fighting

Sasuke: Tenten fs likes Neji I just can’t tell if he likes her back

A healthy dose of “if one of us doesn’t like you we all don’t like you”

Sakura: Also guys Ino and I are arguing rn so we don’t like team 10 ok?

Sasuke: Again? Fine.

Naruto: but Sakura-chan I’m supposed to get ramen with Choji tomorrow!!

Sakura: Naruto!

Naruto: uGH fine

Naruto: But also we have to avoid Team 8 for a bit because Kiba’s being a dick

Sakura: Not a problem we hate seeing Hinata getting red every time you walk by anyway

Sasuke: Lmfao did you SEE Hinata hanging on Naruto today like it was worse than normal

Naruto: Cmon guys be nice

Sakura: N-n-n

Sasuke: Naruto-kun!

Their favorite activity is talking mad shit ok.

Also their chat is half Naruto sending shitty little memes. Sakura and Sasuke never find the same ones funny.

They’ve also definitely got dinner plans in the chat half the time like:

Naruto: Guys Ichiraku tn after training?

Sakura: I have to ask my mom hold on

Sasuke: I’m down

Sakura: Ok she said yes I’ll come

Naruto: Yessssss :D

Sakura: Calm down Naruto it’s just ramen

Naruto: Take that back RIGHT NOW ramen is a WAY OF LIFE

Sasuke: Just invited Kakashi so he can pay for us

Naruto: ^_^

Sakura: ^_^

Speaking of Kakashi they fs have running commentary and analysis on how late he’s gonna be for training

Naruto: Guyssss I’m running late how much time do you think I have before Kakashi gets there

Sasuke: Well training starts at 9 and it’s 9:15 so I’d say you have 30 minutes more

Sakura: Wait no it’s a Friday so he’ll want to get here early so he can finish early and go drink with the other jounin. You have 15 minutes max

Sasuke: But yesterday was Kurenai’s birthday so he’ll be hungover this morning so he’ll actually be later than usual

Naruto: So i can take my time?

Sasuke: No usuratonkachi get your ass over here asap

Sakura: Yeah please I don’t want him to hand us over to Gai sensei as punishment again. My body still hurts from all that running

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Something something Seto being Mokuba’s parent since he was ten and refusing to be adopted without his baby brother and taking the brunt of Gozuboro’s abuse and even once he’s rich and powerful showing that he couldn’t care less about most people but would not hesitate for a single second to drop everything, go to whatever corner of the world, give up his life, kill whomever, commit unspeakable crimes, spit on his pride and beg for help, anything for his baby brother.

Something something Itachi irredeemably messed up in the head from Anbu and Danzo and Shisui willing to commit the worst crime be a terrorist hurt and kill whomever as long as one of those people was never his brother. Itachi whose single point of blindness, his single manipulable point being Sasuke, Itachi who would give it all up again and again, willing to die the worst of villains, willing to let thousands spit on his grave so he could save Sasuke once, Itachi who orchestrated his life to die at his hands.

Idk something about big brothers whose single blind spot and single weakness is their younger brother, who know that fact and never once begrudge it, who will let go of their intelligence their common sense their pride everything for this person, whom they can close their eyes and see as the little kid who used to run up into their arms and see the safest of places.

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Rip Itachi you would’ve loved being a high school edgelord who quoted Nietzsche and thrived during AP exam season

Rip Kakashi you would’ve loved kindle unlimited subscriptions and being a booktok girlie asking for spice levels in comment sections

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Kakashi: Yeah once he cried for an hour because his brother was late to tuck his dinosaur plushie into bed with him

Kakashi: And once I came to the Uchiha compound and he attacked me with his toy shuriken

Kakashi: And he’d fight me for Itachi’s attention at the dinner table

Naruto and Sakura: omg omg omg what else

Kakashi: And one time-

Sasuke: I WAS FOUR

[halfamask]

Would they be at the smoke sesh? Naruto edition

Shikamaru: starts it, obviously. Definitely the asshole who spends fifteen minutes grinding and brushing and rolling a joint. Smokes the entire time and passes out as soon as people leave.

Choji: brings a bong. And the snacks.

Ino: is there but only because of fomo. Hits the bong and smokes the joint exactly once. Gets hella giggly with Sakura.

Naruto: is at the sesh, passes the joint with Shikamaru for a bit and munches with Choji after. Is ultimately there for a good time.

Sakura: shows up once in a while, usually late, with homemade (and very strong) eddies for her and ino (and absolutely no one else, will tell people to fuck off if they ask). Gets hella loud and giggly.

Sasuke: lowkey very straight laced. Rarely indulges and if he does not very much. Prefers edibles because he’s worried about smoke damaging his lungs and not being able to fight because of late onset asthma. Tried to get higher than Naruto once to prove that he can handle more but definitely got super paranoid and bad and never did it again.

Sai: makes fun of people for willingly subjecting their nervous systems to this. Rarely comes if ever, and when he does it’s to observe this part of the human bonding experience under impairment.

Hinata: usually doesn’t come, brings homemade cookies or brownies if she does (not the funny kind just normal sweets). These are fully devoured by Naruto and Choji.

Kiba: brings an extra joint to pass around in the circle, gets loud and obnoxious with Naruto and competes with him for snacks even though he doesn’t have the munchies.

Shino: the actual supplier of the joint Kiba brings. A regular part of the circle, very very quiet to the point people think he’s not good but he just gets too high to really want to move his mouth.

Neji: rarely comes as he doesn’t approve, only ever joins if Hinata wants to go or if Lee/Tenten/Naruto bother him into coming. Doesn’t indulge, but spends most of the night observing his friends and laughing (affectionately).

Lee: takes one hit exactly, somehow gets extremely high, and is yelling and rolling around and paranoid and woozy. It’s usually not very bad but he thus very rarely joins in the actual circle.

Tenten: definitely a fixture in the circle. Brings her own weed about half the time so that she’s not bumming off everyone else but has someone else roll it. Outsmokes Naruto and Shino but not Choji, Shikamaru, or Kiba. Knows when she’s done and hangs out with Neji and Lee or Ino and Sakura after depending on who’s there. Ultimately has a good time and goes home.

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^^ Bc I need people to see how I envision this (I know I didn’t say true to my own initial wording but whatever)

In a Team 7 Meeting:

Sasuke: Kakashi, where do babies come from?

Naruto: Damn Sasuke it’s so obvious even I know this.

Kakashi: Naruto how- do you think babies are made

Naruto: See Sasuke, when a man and a women love each other very much they go to the bedroom…

Naruto: And perform a summoning jutsu for the ninja stork!

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Based on my last post, a List of Things Kishimoto Did Right in Naruto

After Sasuke left Orochimaru, having him find another team of powerful losers to hang out with

Making the Sannin super Great and Powerful and Legendary but also like an awful gambling addict, a porn writer, and a creepy mad scientist who later becomes a Boruto era milf

Ino-Shika-Cho and showing their dads do the same types of combos together

Making Kakashi a cool, capable jonin who’s also a pathetic loser who can’t keep his children in check and reads erotica in public

Itachi loving sweets and Sasuke hating them

Every goddamn thing about Killer Bee

Flashback to the Sage and the baby little tailed beasts

The Naruto-Kurama friendship and Kurama calling him a brat (endearing)

Kisame shark boy character design (and also the super unique character designs for all the different Akatsuki members)

Nagato-Yahiko-Konan froggy costumes and Naruto’s froggy wallet

Reverse harem jutsu on Kaguya

Kakashi sweet talking Yamato to get him to take over his responsibilities

That’s all for now feel free to add others

Edit to add: Kakashi’s ninja dogs (pakkun is so cutie)

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Kishimoto made a lot of mistakes with the Naruto narrative but he went off when he made Jiraiya the author of Kakashi’s favorite erotica series.

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I love how people say that team 7 is so found family and how Kakashi is their dad like-

First of all Sakura has parents like she doesn’t need to find a family they’re her friends, teammates, and teacher. Sasuke is traumatized by family he doesn’t want another brother look what the last one did. Saying Naruto considers his two crushes to be family is weird.

And not to mention the traumatized mess that is Kakashi Hatake who is terrified of letting people in and probably subsists off of Gai’s protein shakes? He can’t be on time to anything and collects erotica which he then reads in public please do not make him anyone’s father. (That being said it’s cute when fics or fanart refer to team 7 as his kids and he’s their stupid little dad)

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Yes Kakashi ignored Sakura and was a bad sensei to her but my silly little take on it is that he simply didn’t know what to do with someone who came from a normal family and was taught manners and was otherwise a well adjusted member of society.

Like he gets Naruto and Sasuke’s angst and darker impulses and anger to an extent and why they want to be shinobi and he sees this girl who comes into training with a smile bc her mom’s making her favorite for dinner and she and her dad made up after an argument and he just like. Short circuits