heartsimplest

[heartsimplest]

kiss your own bruises, nobody else will heal them for you.

[heartsimplest]

An episode of mania almost always always always starts out so euphorically, makes you feel like you’re on the perfect drug, makes your confidence and motivation sky rocket and has you romanticizing all the fun it baits you with. It feels so amazing, you feel like nothing can hurt you or get to you.

Then the irritability comes, genuine rage, such an uncomfortable and overwhelming increase in libido, dangerous impulses, social behavior to be humiliated from by the time you crash, severe sleep deprivation that disorients the fuck out of you the longer you go without it, without even feeling tired at all. But feeling completely out of control. And if it escalates, Lord help you. Hallucinations, bad paranoia, black outs, substance abuse (or relapse if you happen to be recovering), delusions, everything that could get you into a psych ward. It isn’t fun at the end and any pleasure you feel is completely illusionary.

The worst part is I still normally never want it to stop. Because the depression after, which gets so ugly and terrible the longer, more intense the mania is, is something I’m not looking forward to at all. That, and mania can really sometimes convince you that you love it. I’m not wanting to go there though, because I have a lot to lose. Even if I don’t lose anything, I’m tired of this cycle and just can’t afford to desire it anymore. So I’m managing where I can, but wow it’s just scary to watch it take you higher and higher into it, and further and further away from yourself.

This is precisely why I despise any sort of stigma toward bipolar disorder. It’s so misunderstood, misquoted, and mistreated. I just really want and need some help. My hands are so sweaty and shaky, my heart and my mind are racing, I can’t stop talking, I can’t eat. I can’t focus, I can only fixate. And it’s just so overwhelming already.

[heartsimplest]

[heartsimplest]

alright everyone, we’re picking ourselves up and going again. We’re putting ice on our split lips and busted knuckles. We’re doing our dishes and our laundry even if it stays hanging on the line for four days. We’re texting our friends back. We’re wiping the dust off our clothes. We’re booking and attending medical appointments. We’re taking the empty dishes out of our bedrooms. We’re sitting outside in the sunshine. We’re holding our heads up. We’re apologising to the people we’ve hurt. We’re forgiving ourselves.

[heartsimplest]

*through gritted teeth* it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be done. it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be done. it doesn’t have to be-

[heartsimplest]

The trick of looking up with your eyes without moving your head to stop compulsive thoughts its the best thing my therapist ever teach me oh my God this is great

[heartsimplest]

They need to invent parents that don't cause the cptsd

[heartsimplest]

the worst crime a daughter can commit in her mothers eyes is develop into an individual

[heartsimplest]

when I was younger I'd get upset and I would run to my room and cry, I was always hoping someone would come in to ask if I was okay, and I'm still desperately clinging to the idea that someday, somebody will come when I'm crying.

[heartsimplest]

Reintroduction to this blog

I have had this blog for a long while and now want to start blogging constantly as part of my BPD Recovery 🌻

My main symptoms

Dissociation *Hella*

Intrusive thoughts

Tics

Self Harm *intrusive thoughts*

Hypersexuality *impulsive behaviour* *sensation seeking*

Abandonment issues

Paranoia

Irritable

Flat face- emptiness

Intense Mood Swings

Please join me on creating this healing space

[heartsimplest]

[heartsimplest]

the question is do i fill my chronic boredom with destructive decisions or with sex

[heartsimplest]

I've been gray rocking my parents before I even realised the term existed

7/05/25

[heartsimplest]

"The guilt that people feel about what their parents may have gone through is a classic symptom of being an adult child of emotionally immature parents. They go over the boundary of what is their responsibility, worrying about the feelings and the needs and the life of other people because thats what emotionally immature parents teach their children to do. They teach their children to take care of them and to be worried about what other people need. The parent has not matured to the point where they can take care of themselves let alone a child. They're demanding that from their children, so its not surprising that the child would end up feeling guilty about any that distress the parent, and feel responsible for that because thats what their childhood would be set up to do."

Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

[heartsimplest]

7/05/25

[heartsimplest]

I think I will be fine Mum....

7/05/25

[heartsimplest]

I have had this account for awhile- and have been wondering what to do with it. I have come along way, healed a lot from where I was but now I really want to make this account a safe haven a recovery account. Full of safe softness 🌼🌌