hinsmih

[hinsmih]

The Space in Between: A Relationship on Its Own Terms

There’s a common saying that love knows no bounds, yet we live in a world that insists on putting love into boxes.

You’re either just friends or you’re dating. Anything in between gets labeled with a shrug and a raised eyebrow. And when two people share a deep connection that doesn’t fit into these categories, society often doesn’t know what to do with it.

This is especially true for relationships that go beyond traditional definitions, just like the one between an aromantic girl and her alloromantic bisexual best friend. Their bond is strong.

They're physically and verbally affectionate; they offer acts of service to one another, hold hands, cuddle, and say “I love you,” but they’re not dating. They don’t call each other girlfriends.

And to them, that’s not a problem.

It only becomes a problem when outsiders try to define what they have.

Let’s talk about that.

The space between friendship and romance is a deeply nuanced and increasingly relevant topic as understandings of identity, intimacy, and relationships continue to evolve beyond traditional definitions. In this case presented, a close, intimate relationship between an aromantic individual and an alloromantic/bisexual individual that doesn’t conform to conventional labels—highlights several crucial social and psychological dynamics.

First and foremost, human relationships exist on a spectrum. Traditional categories like “friendship” and “romantic partnership” do not account for the wide range of emotional intimacy and commitment two people can share. Psychologist Bella DePaulo, known for her work on singlehood and nontraditional relationships, advocates for the legitimacy of “relationship anarchy,” which emphasizes autonomy, non-hierarchy, and individualized emotional bonds outside of societal norms (DePaulo, 2013).

The Relationship That Defies the Norm

One girl doesn’t experience romantic attraction. She’s aromantic, meaning romance isn’t something she desires or feels. Her emotional fulfillment comes from deep friendships. The other girl is alloromantic and bisexual. She does feel romantic attraction, and in many other situations, she might want a romantic relationship. But with this friend, she chooses something different. She chooses a connection that doesn’t rely on labels or societal expectations.

Together, they’ve built something real. It’s affectionate. It’s committed. It’s unique. They’re more than friends but less than lovers not because their relationship lacks something, but because it doesn’t need to fit a pre-made mold.

Why Society Struggles With Label-Free Love

We’re taught from an early age to categorize relationships. Romantic love is considered the highest form of connection, often seen as more important or more meaningful than friendship.

This mindset is so ingrained that when people see two individuals who clearly love each other but aren’t dating, they get confused. Or worse, they get judgmental.

Why aren’t they dating? Are they afraid of commitment? Are they hiding something? These are the questions people ask, because they’re uncomfortable with ambiguity. What they don’t realize is that this kind of judgment comes from a place of amatonormativity.

Amatonormativity is the assumption that everyone is better off in a romantic relationship, and that such relationships are more valuable than others.

But the truth is, love doesn’t have to look one way. It doesn’t have to come with a title. And it definitely doesn’t need to be romantic to be meaningful.

The Freedom of No Label Relationships

For people like the aromantic girl in this account, romantic relationships just aren’t part of the equation. That doesn’t mean she’s incapable of deep connection. On the contrary, she might be more emotionally attuned than someone who follows the script of dating just because it’s expected.

And for her friend, choosing this relationship means letting go of societal pressure. It means valuing a connection for what it is, not what it’s supposed to be. It takes courage to love someone in the way they need to be loved, even when that way isn’t conventional.

This kind of bond is often seen in queerplatonic relationships, which are common in asexual and aromantic communities. These relationships prioritize emotional intimacy, commitment, and care, without necessarily including romance or sex. And they’re just as valid as any romantic partnership.

Societal Pressure and “Label Anxiety”

It is a pervasive discomfort in modern society when something doesn’t fit a predefined category. Labels serve social functions: they create expectations and help others understand relationships from the outside. However, this labeling becomes problematic when it leads to:

Invalidation: Assuming something is "just a phase" or "not real" because it doesn’t fit a norm.

Moral judgment: Viewing non-labeled relationships as irresponsible or unstable.

Erasure of queer and non-normative identities: Particularly affecting LGBTQ+ and aromantic people, whose relational styles may differ from the heteronormative mold.

Labels Aren’t Always Necessary

Truth be told, yes, labels can be helpful. They can provide clarity, create a sense of identity, and help people find community. But they can also be limiting. When a label becomes more important than the people involved, it stops serving its purpose.

In many cases, especially when one or both people are queer or neurodivergent, traditional labels just don’t fit. And that’s okay. What matters most is that the people in the relationship understand each other, communicate openly, and feel safe and seen.

Legitimacy Comes from Within the Relationship

Ultimately, the only people who can define a relationship are the ones in it. Just because something doesn’t fit into societal boxes doesn’t mean it is flawed or invalid. What matters is:

- Consent

- Mutual understanding

- Respect for each other’s identities and boundaries

It’s Time We Stop Policing Intimacy

Not every bond needs to be defined. Not every expression of love needs a name. Sometimes, two people just find something beautiful together... something that works for them, even if it makes others uncomfortable.

Instead of trying to categorize these relationships, maybe we should just let them be. Let people love how they want to love. Let them show affection in ways that feel natural. Let them write their own rules.

Because at the end of the day, love isn’t about fitting into a box. It’s about connection. And the connection between two people, even if it’s more than friends but less than lovers, deserves respect, not judgment.

So next time you see two people who clearly care for each other but don’t use the words you expect, maybe don’t ask,

“What are they?”

Maybe just think,

“Wow, that looks like love."

[hinsmih]

“We were each other’s favourite distraction from the world.”

—

[hinsmih]

A Relationship the World Doesn't Understand: Rewriting the Rules

(wrote this because I've had enough!)

Lately, I’ve come across something new. Basically, it's an interesting concept I didn’t even know existed until it unexpectedly became part of my life.

To begin with, I’ve always pondered over the difference between a relationship and a friendship. Over time, that line started to become clearer and it wasn’t as blurry as I once thought. But then, another question surfaced. It’s kind of related, just a bit more specific:

What’s the difference between a committed relationship and an exclusive friendship?

For a long time, most of us have been taught that the ultimate relationship goal is a committed romantic partnership. Movies, books, and society often essentially spin around the idea of finding "the one," settling down, and building a life together. But what if that isn't the only path to deep, fulfilling connection? What if an exclusive friendship could offer just as much—if not more—emotional satisfaction, support, and freedom?

Let’s break this down.

What’s the Real Difference?

At a surface level, both exclusive friendships and committed relationships involve closeness, trust, and prioritizing each other. But the type of connection is very different.

A committed relationship typically involves romantic and physical intimacy. It comes with long-term goals like marriage, living together, or raising a family. There are expectations about exclusivity in love, sex, and shared life planning.

An exclusive friendship, on the other hand, is a deep, platonic bond between two people who choose to prioritize one another without romance or physical intimacy. There may even be a mutual understanding that they won’t build similar bonds with others. But there's no pressure to marry, cohabitate, or fit into a predefined relationship mold.

Why Exclusive Friendships Can Be More Fulfilling

1. Less Drama, More Freedom

Romantic relationships can be intense. There’s the pressure of being someone’s everything, fulfilling emotional and physical needs, and making long-term plans together. That often creates stress and leads to emotional highs and lows.

Exclusive friendships offer the loyalty and support of a relationship without the baggage. You don’t have to navigate jealousy, debates over future plans, or fights about finances. You get to just be together, as you are.

2. No Need to Perform or Be “Perfect”

In romantic relationships, there’s sometimes an unspoken need to be the ideal partner. This can lead to emotional exhaustion, especially when you're struggling with personal issues.

With a close friend, you can show up messy. You can vent, cry, be weird, and not feel judged. They’re not expecting romantic validation. They’re just there. And that kind of acceptance runs deep.

3. Independence is Respected

Exclusive friendships naturally allow more space for individual growth. You can have your own goals, hobbies, and even romantic partners (if that’s part of the agreement), and still have that one person who knows you inside and out.

In romantic partnerships, personal freedom sometimes clashes with the shared identity of a couple. In friendships, that conflict rarely exists.

4. Emotional Depth Without the Rollercoaster

Romantic love often relies on passion and infatuation, which can fluctuate. Friendships grow from mutual respect, shared experiences, and emotional safety. That makes the connection more stable and often more long-lasting.

You don’t fall out of friendship because attraction fades. You stay because the bond is rooted in something real.

5. Loyalty Without Sacrifice

Exclusive friendships offer a kind of loyalty that doesn’t demand you to compromise who you are. You don’t have to mold yourself to fit your friend's life. You can both support each other fully while still living separate, authentic lives.

In committed relationships, compromise is key, but it often comes at the cost of one’s individuality. That balance can be hard to maintain.

6. Less Pressure, More Presence

There’s no “next step” in exclusive friendships. No pressure to move in, get married, or build a family. That removes the timeline stress and lets you fully enjoy the present moment.

Romantic partnerships often revolve around the future, which can make people anxious or dissatisfied with the now.

Why Society Doesn’t Talk About This Enough

Despite how meaningful exclusive friendships can be, they’re often overlooked or misunderstood. This is due to a concept called amatonormativity—the idea that romantic love is the only “valid” or most important form of love. It’s the belief that everyone is better off in a romantic relationship and that romance should be the central focus of one’s life.

Amatonormativity tells us that if a friendship is close, it must eventually "turn into something more" to be valid. It shames people for not following the romantic script and assumes that friendship is just a stepping stone.

This stigma makes people doubt their own relationships. You might feel the need to “explain” why your friendship matters, or worse, feel like you’re missing out on something by not pursuing romance. But here’s the truth: you’re not. This belief is narrow and outdated.

Not everyone finds fulfillment in romance. Some people experience little to no romantic attraction. Others have been burned by relationships that drained them emotionally. And some just simply value their friendships more than their romantic lives - and that's valid.

Now What?

Exclusive friendships are often underestimated, but they can be some of the most stable, freeing, and emotionally rich connections you’ll ever have. They allow you to be fully yourself, grow independently, and experience deep, unconditional support without the stress and expectations that often come with romantic relationships.

There’s nothing “less than” about choosing friendship over romance. In fact, for many people, it might be the best choice of all.

And here's the thing, these friendships aren't a consolation prize. They're not the thing you "settle" for when romance fails.

In this grand scheme of life - a world, pretty much, obsessed with romance, choosing a friendship as your core relationship is a radical act. Sometimes, love just looks like someone who knows you fully, accepts you completely, and shows up for you again and again... not because they have to, but because they want to.

And isn’t that what we’re all really looking for?

[hinsmih]

HhHahhha das funny

Write about an aromantic guardian angel who’s tasked with watching over a hopeless romantic

[hinsmih]

— Oscar Wilde, from Salomé (via lunamonchtuna)

[hinsmih]

[hinsmih]

welcome to "what relationship is it anyway" where the rules are made up and the points don't matter

[hinsmih]

Characters dynamic that’s like “ they’re not in a romantic relationship but they definitely love each other with all their heart and fucking soul”

[hinsmih]

This can’t just be me, right?

[hinsmih]

Yes pls

less songs about sex and romance more songs about codependent besties who have bound their souls together eternally

[hinsmih]

wait wiat i made this a while ago but its so real omg

(loveless by alice oseman)

[hinsmih]

when i call you 'best friend', do not mistake it for a term used lightly. it is a title, bestowed to you much like a crown to a monarch. you are my closest confidant, my partner in crime, my favourite fake-date and my one phone call. i want to dance through the rain with you, hold you hand as we dash through the city, laugh as i beat you in another round of tic-tac-toe. for you there is no secret i would not keep, no body i would not bury, no story i would not tell. would if i could, i would entwine our hearts so they might truly beat as one. let me cup your cheeks and kiss your brow, and we shall put romance to shame with our friendship

[hinsmih]

Honestly I think the fact that people tell me and my best friend that we act like a couple isn't reflective of what our relationship is like or how we show affection. I think it just shows just how narrow their view is on love. If they really can't imagine two people being genuinely close friends with no feelings of romance whatsoever then they gotta have some kind of brainworm. We're not secretly in love. We're just capable of showing affection and letting eachother know we care about eachother without coating it in irony

[hinsmih]

i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as a binary i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as a sliding scale of "less" to "more" i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as the only two options i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as significantly different things i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as all encompassing i hate the concept of platonic and romantic as the two halves of a shallow concept of love that doesn't actually encompass anything at all i think we need to overhaul every popular conception about "types" of love so we can talk about things that are real and true for once

[hinsmih]

fuck romance, have you ever had a friendship where you both agree that you are the single most important person to each other? one where you feel like you are kindred souls and that you can talk to each other about literally anything because you both just get it? one where there's nothing you can say or do around them that would embarrass you even a little bit? cuz that shit is so much more powerful than romance just trust me dude

[hinsmih]

Saw a reddit post today about a girl who was upset that her childhood best friend replaced a photo of the two of them in his wallet with one of him and his girlfriend. And while yeah, she was being unreasonable with a lot of what she was saying, I totally understand the sadness of a friend "replacing" you with someone they have romantic feelings for. Makes it worse when the top comment is this

Every single comment on this post is about how family and romantic relationships always take precedence over friendships. I don't have anything more to say to this aside from the fact that... this is why it's hard for aroaces to imagine futures for themselves. Society drills it into your head that you're going to live in a world where you are no one's priority if you don't have romantic relationships and it fucking sucks

[hinsmih]

Honestly enough with the 'friends to lovers' trope. We need a 'lovers to friends' trope.

Example... Two friends raised in an amatonormative environment get along with each other very well, so after some pressure they try to start a romance, but eventually they find the reason that they're unhappy is because they're both aromantic. So they become best friends instead and live a much happier life. This should be a thing