horriblyunfunny-blog

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now hold on just one minute

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my flatmates and I have an interesting dynamic

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You can trust your dog. 

It won't fuck the mailman because it felt neglected lately. 

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..a horny teenage girlfriend with nice tits?

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Hopefully, one day, after years of hard work and getting a penis reduction surgery, I will become the #1 male comedian in the world so that people born in the same country as me can proudly brag about my achievements like they had something to do with them.

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If this show makes it to a second season because you tuned in to watch it, I hope--and I'm being 100% honest, I would never joke about this--you get savagely raped and murdered and as your devastated mother kisses you one last time at your funeral she gets the herpes.

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Freedom can be accurately measured by the amount of bumper stickers per capita in your country.

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Like and subscribe if you also think these seductive silver screen stars should have a baby together

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you know when the sun's coming up and everyone's passed out and you've been trying to jerk off for the last 2 hours but you have coke dick and that's not going to happen and suddenly you hear faint techno somewhere nearby

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King of the jungle, more like queen of the jungle, am I right guys *awkwardly raises hand for high five, lions just stare at me because they have no concept of humour and subsequently maul me to death*

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What if sex doll manufacturers are having such a hard time creating realistic enough fuck dolls that some women decided to meet them halfway

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The comedy scene was a little different back in the day, if you didn't get laughs the audience would savagely torture you until you died.

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started crying after I dropped my evening snack (I'm fat)

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What if you were the greatest bodybuilder that has ever lived but also cripplingly shy

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Many of the Wright brothers earlier designs sadly could not generate enough lift to become airborne.