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hotsummerdreaming · 3 years ago

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the best of times, the worst of crimes (steve rogers x reader)

summary: reader decides to confess to their partner steve that they have been in a romantic relationship with his best friend. the reader then remembers the past with steve before meeting their secret lover again.

warnings: none

words: 3610

notes: inspired by taylor swift’s getaway car. i have planned this to be a 3 part story, but i have so far written only this first part and after re reading it i realized how much i liked it so i decided to post it. so if you’d like more parts please let me know and i’ll write them as fast as possible. thank you so much for any love you show to this story, i am forever grateful <3

(gif not mine)

"get lost" steve laughed out loud.

in that moment he thought i was joking. for months i have been secretely running around with bucky and at the same time coming home to steve every night. i could no longer live in this endless circle of lies and hiding. i felt guilty for what i've been doing and thought that telling him would be the best choice. bucky has been telling me to confront steve about it ever since we started our little rendezvous. i never had the guts until that evening.

steve was sitting in the living room of his aparment, which i occupied more than my own, hell i don't even remember the last time i slept at my place, reading a book. he had piles and piles of books that everyone around him had said he has to read since they all came out right after he went to ice. i could have never imagined an adult man be intrigued by such a book as lolita, but steve's pure intetion was to catch up as much on pop culture as possible and it seemed funny to natasha to give a man stuck in the past this kind of book. i was thinking of seeing him read every single book he had on a pile on his left when i enterned and scanned the room. when i was about to ruin his life by telling him i've been seeing his best friend behind his back he was holding my version of catcher in the rye. i flinched when i saw the book in his hands and thought of all the past events that this book was linked to. hopefully i won't be known as the second john lennon. i sighed and sat down next to him, observing his very focused face, his finger that was stuck in between pages and his eyes moving along the words. by this point he was used to me watching him read so he didn't even look up. what a great opportunity i told myself, maybe he won't even hear me. i cleared my throat and scooted little bit further back just in case he was going to throw hands. my hands were shaking so i clenched them together and put them in between my thighs, but the bouncing left leg wasn't really helping calming them down. i felt sweat coming from every pore on my body as if i was about to tell him i had cancer and have less than 24 hours to live. i sighed once more and opened my mouth but no sound came out. this has caught steve's attention and he for the first time since i sat down looked up at me. his eyebrows were still furrowed from reading but now they formed more concerned angle. he was using one of his hands as a bookmark and the other one started slowly closing the book.

"i'm in love with bucky!" i yelled out, his eyes widened and the corners of his lips turned upright.

he was happy because i loved his best friend. i didn't want him to be happy. i wanted him to be crushed, crying on the floor. but he didn't get the context of my words. i was in love love with bucky. god how angry of how happy he was.

"i'm glad. i've seen you two getting pretty nice along. i was scared it was going to be hard for you to be friends with someone like him but it seems like you two are really on the same wave" he smiled even more now, my fists clenched, i wanted to punch the life out of him.

"no steve you don't get it! i am in LOVE with him! like i want to leave you for him! like i want to spend the rest of my life with that man!" i was yelling, trying to get my point out.

that's when his laughter filled the room and his words get lost echoed in my brain. they were bouncing around in there like it was some sort of game of pinball. i was frustrated with steve. he moved on as if what i just said didn't have any actual weight to him. my mouth still opened i stood up and for a long time i stood over him watching him as he continued to read, the corners of his mouth still forming a smile. with a lot of effort i started moving towards the door but some invisible power stopped me. i stood there. i don't even remember breathing. i was hoping my body movement and the way i acted would shoot up some sense to steve. and as i hoped it happened. he slowly closed the book and gently placed it next to him. i could hear his leg falling to the ground. i knew that now both his legs were on ground his face was buried in his hands and he was processing everything i said. i knew that there's no longer any evidence of smile on his face. this is what i wanted right? crushed. now let the tears flow.

"what do you mean? what do you mean you are in love with him?" his words got louder by each syllable.

i didn't turn around. i couldn't. damage was done and i no longer could look at him. i was so in love with him. still am. i never planned beyond telling him. there was no plan on where me and bucky would go, what we would do or if even our relationship is capable of existing once we won't have to lurk in shadows anymore.

"what do you mean, y/n?" his strong voice echoed in the walls of his apartment and even if he was standing far away from me it felt like he yelled it right into my ear.

i slowly turned around. my eyes were filled with tears and locked on one spot on the ground. i knew that if i looked up and saw his blue eyes filled with same salty tears as mine i would crumble down and breakdown.

"i love him." i whispered.

"love him, huh" he realized...and accepted. "and what about me? do you love me?" his voice cracked when he asked.

that voice crack sent a message to my brain to just leave. and so i did. i turned around from steve and just started walking. i walked out of the apartment, then the whole building and then i just walked down the street. my mind was blank. i tried so hard to think about anything at this point. of how much i screwed up the single best thing in my life, how the reason that the friendship that lasted decades will end is my simple existence. when i walked over a bridge i used to walk across every single morning i was leaving steve's place to go work, i had to stop. with a deep breath i turned around and walked into middle of the bridge. i touched the stone wall and closed my eyes. that's when memories started appearing back in my thoughts. all the good and bad times, all the laughter and tears me and steve shared. they were back, and for a brief second i allowed myself to relax because i didn't lose them forever like i thought i did until then.

xxx

"come ooon, it's going to be like the old times. just you and me. except this time we will trade beer for a good 3 course dinner in the best italian restaurant on the whole east coast!" i yelled out at steve after he was trying to get out of a evening spent just with me.

"i don't know. i just, i don't feel that well and i want to go home and do nothing" his excuses were weak, he can't feel sick he's a supersoldier with superserum in his veins that makes him very tolerable against sicknesses and any amount of alcohol.

"no, you're not sick. you just want to cancel everything because everyone bailed out. don't be a baby steven. just you and me and some fine pasta or pizza or whatever you want! i'll pay for god's sake" i threw my hands up in the air as a visual sign of frustration.

"okay, fine but only this once" he waved his finger in front of my face.

"now you change your mind, you dirty little snake. it was no until i said i'll pay. that's not very gentleman like, i wonder what your mother would say" i crossed my arms on my chest and shook my head in disapproval.

"nothing. she would say nothing because she's dead" he laughed out like i was supposed to do the same but all it left was a very feel bad feeling.

"ooohkay, anyways, i'll come by at 7 and we'll leave together so i make sure you'll come. and please for the love of god leave the dead mom jokes at home, i want to have fun tonight and not that funeral kind of one" i informed him and he let out a soft chuckle.

time was dragging that day but the moment the clock turned 7, i rang steve's door bell. through a little microphone he informed me he should be out any minute. and he was.

"ready?" i asked and he just nodded.

"so we'll be taking your car or...?" he stopped once we hit the pavement.

"we'll walk, i think it's a beautiful night for a walk. and anyways we'll be there in less than 20 minutes." i suggested we should move.

to no suprise steve was a very fast walker. i have never noticed it. in big group of people he tends to alter his speed to the group he's with, but apparently with me alone he can go faster than a rocket. i was out of breath the second we reached the end of his block.

"hey steve, can we please slow down? i am not training for marathon here" he laughed and stopped his walk to wait for me to reach him.

after that he tried to walk as slow as me. sometimes he broke the pattern of the walking, which he was very focused on and his facial expressions suggested he had hard time catching up to my speed. if i too had that serum in my blood like he did, we'd reach the restaurant in no less then 5 minutes.

we got sat down and steve immediately opened the menu. he was turning the pages back and forth, kept scanning them.

"what should i get?" he said, frustrated, from behind the opened menu.

"whatever your heart desires" i said while closing my menu already decided what i'll have.

"tell me, what are you getting?" his eyes started shaping into this puppy eyes shape.

"no. get whatever you want and if you don't like it we'll trade" i winked at him and at last he put his finger on something, he too closed the menu and sat back.

for the longest time there was a silence between us. i didn't need to converse with him, i only went for food and i took him along because i was embarrassed to come alone. he was looking around the restaurant and i have been listening to sounds around us.

"so, um... i'm not really good at starting these kind of conversations" his cheeks were flushed with pinkish tone.

"me neither. just ask anything. i can start if you'd like.." i suggested and he nodded. "ok so, hm, who is your favorite artist? and please say someone modern, i know you have a little list with all these modern things so i'm sure you can find some artist in between all of the movie suggestions" i leaned my chin against the palm of my hand.

"well, sam introduced me to this artist his name is marvin gaye, he's really great. but there are few, some of them mostly suggested by natasha seem to me like some kind of joke. a lot of the lyrics do not make sense and they give me headache, but i have been enjoying billy joel, he's cool. and maybe from like even newer artists, wow there's a lot i should have brought a list of my favorite things, there's adele she has very sad songs, i must admit they sometimes tear me up" he rambled on for a little while and all i could resort to were just soft chuckles. "what about you?" he smiled after he finished his tiring answer.

"well, you named some great people so it's going to be hard for me to top that, but i would probably say billy joel just like you, and paramore, paramore's great, reminds me of my youth. jeez i sound like a grandma. i mean sorry if i offended you, cause you know...grandmas tend to be your age" only i could turn a very innocent conversation into something so embarrassing.

"well good i don't look my actual age" he laughed out.

and then the silence came back, but that was thank god saved by waitress who brought our first course which brought steve more pleasure than anything else in the world. we exchanged the food couple of times. this is how it went for the rest of the evening. sometimes between full spoons of delicious food that was on our table we broke the silence and talked whatever came to our minds.

"i told you i was going to pay!" i yelled out at him the second we left the restaurant and right after he covered the whole bill by himself.

"i just had a good time tonight and i can't let you pay after being such a good host! also i felt bad because i'm a gentleman after all" he shrugged.

"that's what i wanted to hear. so lemme at least walk you home" i offered but he stopped me.

"i can get home very fine on my own. i'll walk you home" i wasn't going to bicker with him, we already gave the whole restaurant a show when we almost used fists to decide who is paying for dinner.

he gave me a head start on walking and soon after caught up to me. steve was once again struggling with the slow walk.

"so are you planning on staying here forever?" he blurted out all of the sudden.

"what do you mean?" i turned my head to him.

"like here in the city. i know it can be very stressful and hectic around here, but it's a nice place. i want to stay here forever but what about you? any future plans?" it was very obvious he was starting to get comfortable around me, his questions were starting to get personal.

"steve, i don't have plans even for tomorrow, i can't plan out my whole future when i don't know what the next day will look like. i mean i like it that way. everyday is full of surprises. like if you told me this morning only the two of us were going to spend the evening together i'd laugh in your face. but when everyone got out of it, i took the opportunity and asked you out." he nodded as i was talking. "hey, steve. you don't have to answer now, if you don't want to, but i am just curious. have you ever been with anybody? i mean like after you got out of ice, it's kind of common knowledge in my circles that you were in love with the peggy girl but what about recent years?" this thing has been sitting on my mind since the day i was first introduced to him.

"i tried dating. if you could call it dating of course. of all the "dates" i ever been to, this one has been my most successful. the other party usually rushed out of wherever we went to, never calling back. natasha tried to set me up so many times, but she just doesn't know how to. she sees someone and immediately thinks they're the right person for me. i guess i just scare people with my old fashioned manners" he shrugged again and laughed.

i had to stop for a second and think about what he just said. steve rogers, the steve rogers, captain america thinks this is a date. never in million years have i thought of him as someone i might date. there was so many things going through my head at that moment. was that the reason he tried to get out of this? does he like me and he doesn't want to admit it to himself or me?

"wait, steve, is this a date for you?" i just had to ask.

"oh god, i scared you, didn't i? oh, i'm so sorry y/n i didn't mean to i just thought that... you know... just the two of us, alone in a restaurant. i'm so stupid for thinking this was in any sort of way a date. i am so sorry." he buried his face into his hands and started walking back and forth.

"don't apologize, just answer" i tried to pull his hands away from his face.

"yes. yes i thought this was a date. because, look y/n. i like you, i really really do. and i've been kicking myself to ask you out for months, literal months. i was hoping that maybe nat will come to her senses one day and sets us up so i won't have to do it. and today you asked me, i was hesitant at first of course i was because i'm a coward who can't even ask a person they like out, and then you suggested you'll pay and that's when it popped into my head that i can turn this into a romantic date. and maybe i should have told you what my intentions were tonight , but once again i got scared. i had your phone number dialed like billions time to call you that i am cancelling. so please don't be mad if this isn't something you want to do so i can go dig myself a hole in the ground and hide in there and die from embarrassment." his eyes met mine and you could feel that every word that has left his mouth had a meaning.

"we can still make it romantic" just like him i shrugged and broke the eye contact.

"whatever you consider romantic we can do. right now!" corners of his mouth turned upwards and he opened it a little in excitement and anticipation.

"oh god, i don't know" i stood there, thinking.

"i have an idea. just stand still" i followed as he told me and stopped moving around.

he came closer. his masculine body was just inches away from mine and i could feel all the body warmth he had. his hands slowly slid down my arms and his left hand stayed in my right. we both looked down and our tangled fingers holding each other firmly. he looked up into my eyes, moments later i met his gaze. for god knows how long we stared into each other's eyes, breathing the same air. our lips were just little tiny inches away from each other and i could smell a weakening sense of wine he had been drinking all night. his right hand traced back up my left arm. up my shoulder and to the nape of my neck. when his hand reached the nape all the hair on my body was alarmed and i got goosebumps from every single micro touch of his skin on mine. i could feel his hand grasping more on my neck as he pulled me onto his lips. i didn't fight back. all of the things he did were like a little choreography we had practiced for years not just these past few minutes in the middle of a unusually empty street. his lips felt warm against my cold ones. our hands untangled and his other hand went right on my neck as well. he was holding me, pulling me in and never letting me go. he was the one controlling the pace. i let him do whatever he wanted to. all i wanted to do was stay in that moment forever.

xxx my hands were getting sore and cramped up from the strength i have been holding on to that wall. i wanted to stay there and freeze to death, that seemed like the only way out of this situation. but i also knew that i had betrayed steve and i had to make sure he knew how sorry i was. i finally let go of the stone wall and turned my steps the way i originally came from. my pace was know much faster. i had to make sure that i explain my actions to steve and how he has nothing to do with it. as i was approaching the well known block i could hear that my fast steps weren't the only rushing one's on the street. i looked behind me, but there was nothing just the darkness i came from. but the second i turned around i saw the familiar face. the face of my second lover, the reason why i am on the streets tonight and not with steve up in that apartment. both bucky and me stopped walking and we just stared at each other. in that moment i hoped that someone would rush down the street in my getaway car.

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #captain america #winter soldier #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #angst #fanfiction

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hotsummerdreaming · 3 years ago

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clay hands • jemily

summary: jj decides to take up a new skill during her time off and she has hard time learning it so emily steps in to help.

warnings: none, but there are very obvious smutty undertones

words: 2093

!!! there's a chance you may have already read this story as it is mine and i am reposting it from a different account !!!

(this may be one of my favorite one shots i have ever written please enjoy <3)

JJ has decided to dedicate her time off from BAU and to start completing her bucket list and to finally "start" living. She went through it in her mind every single time she was sitting on a jet back home from case, always telling herself now I'll do it, but she never does. Once she's back in D.C. she goes back to her everyday routine and even during the days she's not supposed to work she always finds herself sitting in her home and looking through news in case she finds something the BAU might be interested in. But now after working her ass off for the last couple of years she got mandated month off. and so she decided it's finally time to start completing the imaginary bucket list in her head. for the first couple of days she tried out all she wanted to do. she did some things that were possible to do close to her home, and left some stuff that she needs to travel far to still on the list. one of the things she wanted to do was to learn how to speak some new language so she tried italian, but gave up after few days because she didn't have patience to do it. and one of the last things was to learn a new skill. she went through a lot of pages on the internet, trying to find the perfect one. she tried one or two but none really caught her attention. until she discovered pottery. she felt like she might like that one the most. as soon as she decided this is the right new skill for her she ordered all that she needed off of some websites and found a perfect spot for all the new things in her garage.

pottery wasn't really the best skill to learn for hot summer days. she spent days and nights in her garage bent over her new potter's wheel, sweating and swearing because for the life of her she couldn't figure out what to do or how to make anything look good or actually work without melting or breaking. when she didn't have her hands covered in clay she sat in her backyard reading all sorts of articles about making mugs and bowls. she could've sworn she has never cried more tears over such useless thing before. she was determined she needs to make at least one mug for each team member before she decides to drop the skill like she dropped all before this. no technique she found online helped or worked and jj was ready to just stop and sell all of the equipment to someone and then go to some nice resort in mexico and have herself a little vacation.

emily was like always checking up on jj to see if she hasn't lost her mind yet. of course jennifer lied to her and said she was having the time of her life, but in reality she was never this frustrated in her entire life. she made up lies about how she's tanning everyday and how she is just doing nothing and relaxing. it was strange to emily to hear that jj is not searching news from all around the country or calling the team every five minutes wondering if they don't need help from her. and so emily used all her breaking techniques on jj and got the fact that she's struggling with pottery out of jennifer, on her very first try.

"it's not so bad!" jj was still trying to convince emily that she does not need to come over and take the wheel miles away from her. "i already got 2 mugs done!" the frustration was very obvious in jj's voice.

"i don't believe you. look i have day off tomorrow i'm gonna come over and we're figure something out, okay?" there was no way jennifer was going to say no to emily coming over.

"fine," jj rolled her and as soon as she hung up the phone she got back to the wheel and tried to learn herself how to do it properly.

she spent entire night in that garage trying to find a way she could make it work but nothing, absolutely nothing was working. it wasn't just her hands that were now covered with clay it was everything around her; the floor, the wall, all of her clothes and somehow even the ceiling. there was a big pile of used clay in a bucket next to her legs that was being filled up minute by minute as jj kept throwing every single thing she created in there. jj eventually fell asleep on the wheel.

in the morning jennifer was woken up by her door bell. she got up fast and rushed to open the door. as she expected emily was standing behind them, smiling with two cups of coffee and some pastry in her hands. it's like she knew jj had no time to eat or drink anything.

"i thought i might make you little happier if i brought your favorite croissant and coffee. come on sit down here and just for a second forget about that stupid pottery" emily waved her hand in her direction.

jj slowly walked to her, taking of her very dirty apron. she took the coffee emily brought her and sat down on the bar stool next to the kitchen bar. she looked up at emily who had very worrying look in her eyes.

"look at you" she wiped a clay off jj's cheek that she must've got there when she fall asleep on the wheel.

"so how have you really, you won't like what i'll do if you lie, been?" emily sat down now too, and their eyes met.

"i've been fine. just a little frustrated, but nothing too serious" jj quickly broke the eye contact when she went and took a sip from her coffee.

"jj, you know that i know when you're lying, right? because now i really do know it. just look at yourself. you're covered from head to toe in clay, your hair looks like it hasn't been washed in many days and the stupid clay is now all over your face too. so if you weren't struggling as much as you are, you would be completely clean. so, after you finish your breakfast, you're gonna go upstairs, take shower and put on clean clothes. after that you're gonna come back to your garage and i'll show you how to do it properly" emily ordered jj in a very caring but also a little bit angry voice, that really worked on jennifer.

"you know how to use the wheel?" jj giggled a little.

"i might've taken some pottery classes in my day" emily shrugged her shoulders and rushed jj to finish eating and going to fix herself.

while jj was in her bathroom, washing her self for the first time in many days, emily took all of her stuff to the garage and took a look at jj's failed work. there was so much clay in that entire room that a whole pottery class could use it for their works. emily sat down by the wheel and tried how it works. it was very smooth and good since the whole machine was completely new, but somewhere in the back of her head she imagined jj broke it after using it for only couple of days. she took a bit of clay from jj's bucket and tried to create some sort of bowl. it has been many years since emily took pottery classes so she wasn't really sure what she was trying to prove when she came over and told jennifer she's going to teach her how to do it.

after few minutes emily could hear upstairs bathroom door open which signaled her that jj was ready and it was time to start teaching her. emily placed her bowl on a counter near by and stood up from the small wooden chair.

"so, are you ready?" emily smiled and jj who nodded and walked over to emily.

for a few moments they just stood there looking at each other in a complete silence. emily shook her head and walked over to another wooden chair she saw in the corner of the room and brought it back to where jj was standing.

"come on sit down on that one" emily pointed at the chair right next to the wheel.

jj sat down, put her hair up and looked back at emily who was now placing the other wooden chair behind hers. emily deeply inhaled and then when she exhaled jj could feel the soft air at the back of her neck which made her hair stand. emily moved a little closer to her and looked over her shoulder.

"don't worry, we'll figure it out. i'm going sit right behind you and lead the way, okay?" emily's lips were close to jj's ear and the sound of her voice now made all jj's hair stand up.

jj just nodded and she settled down in her chair. "okay, take the clay and put it on the wheel" emily suggested with her head and jj did as she was told.

emily's hands were now on top of jj's, which kept jj in shock and she froze for a moment. emily had to make sure everything was okay and they continued.

"use both hands and firmly make a hill-like shape, just like so" emily pushed into jj's hands and lead the way.

"make sure there are no bumps or anything" she looked over jennifer's shoulder and helped her make sure that everything is good.

"and now take your one finger and create a hole in a middle" emily's finger was now on jj's finger and together they made a hole into the clay. "take your other finger and lift up the sides of the clay" emily said softly into jj's ear.

they were sitting there, tied up together. after many days jj felt relaxed and not frustrated at all. she finally felt like she knew what she was doing. she was determined she didn't need help but now that emily was there, holding her hand, helping her build a skill, something she wanted to do as long as she remembered. maybe this is could not be only her bucket list, it could be theirs, jennifer thought for a second when emily's hand was pushing onto hers.

"aaand here you go. a vase. wasn't so hard right?" jj could feel emily's smile on her cheek now that the comfort zone between them was unexisting and they were sitting there tangled up as one.

they sat there in silence for a little while looking at the vase together. it was beautiful for sure.

"thank you, very much em" jj broke the silence, which suprised emily and she stood up immidiately.

"you're very much welcome. i think that from now on you will have no problem in creating anything from clay, this is just the basics you can apply to all of the other things such as mugs, you know" emily's eyes were still pinned on the vase and jj could see a slight shade of red in her cheeks. "i think i should go and leave you up to your imagination" emily smiled took off her apron and started walking towards the garage door.

"thank you so so much again. you were really a huge help, seriously without you i would probably cover the used clay. i think you'll know what gift to expect once i'm back at work" jj winked and emily laughed.

"there's nothing to thank for i just passed on the knowledge. anyways, enjoy the rest of your break" emily winked back and walked out of the house.

jj stood there watching emily leaving. they waved at each other when emily drove off. jennifer smiled to herself as she watched emily drive down the street. she was proud of herself for being able to tick off another thing of her bucket list and perhaps brag in front of spencer on how much she knows about pottery, she was sure that at this point she knew more than he did.

she sighed and came back inside. she leaned her back against the door and looked back at what just happened. perhaps the next thing she'll tick off her list will be confessing her love to someone.

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #jj #jennifer jareau #spencer reid #aaron hotchner #paget brewster #aj cook #fanfiction #fanfic #television #derek morgan #david rossi #elle greenaway #jemily #jj x emily #jennifer jareau x emily prentiss

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