idareyoutospeak - Tumblr blog

[idareyoutospeak]

January 5th, 2019

Wow - 2019, I can’t believe it’s been this long since I’ve been on Tumblr. You may ask - what’s directed me to start blogging again, well, I feel as if I am going to explode with all of this anger and pain that I thought it would be better to express this through writing instead of yelling. (Which, I will admit I have already done plenty of at my boyfriend). 

2017-2018 was rough. I graduated from college in June 2017, got a job that I realized 8 months later had no upward mobility, quit, found another job - have been in that position for a little over 6 months now, moved, moved again, and then moved again. Fast forwarding to November 2018 my “father,” who I will call Mike moving forward, decided he no longer wanted to be part of my life, so he left. Abandoned. Which, no matter your age, is never easy to comprehend - coming from a 23 year old adult. (Especially when he technically had removed himself from most of my life when I turned 18). How did I find out? Well on a rainy November day, I logged into my bank account only to discover that Mike wiped my entire savings account and sold all of my stock resulting in thousands of dollars - gone. I was foolish to trust that the money would still be there I guess. Being rather absent and distant the past 6 months, Mike had reached out in September asking if I wanted to accompany him on his ride/move to his new home in Bellevue, Idaho. At that time, I had mixed feelings about his role as a parent so I didn’t respond. Being a narcissist and not getting his way, he cut ties - financially, emotionally, and physically.

On another hand, my 2.5 year relationship feels like it is falling apart. We argue about the same things and I like we’re going in circles. I get mad, yell, apologize, try to explain what thing(s) set me off, things are OK, and then a few weeks later - it happens again. I question whether I am the fucked up one or if he just doesn’t care enough to keep his word and follow through. I’ve lost some respect for my boyfriend because of this. Given that it’s been 2.5 years and we are still facing some of the same issues, I just don’t know. We haven’t been on the same page for a few months now.My boyfriend suggested I smoke to calm down because I’m about to start my period and haven’t smoked weed in 3 days but if anything, not smoking for a bit is making me come to the realization that everything isn’t as peachy as it appears. In all honesty, smoking just numbed it.

Some of the thoughts that run through my head are: Am I mad at Mike so I take it out on my boyfriend? Am I the fucked up one? Did smoking cloud my judgement? Do I deserve better? Why do I get so angry sometimes? Why doesn’t he get it? Maybe he doesn’t understand me? Why can’t he keep his word? Why can’t he try harder? Is this right? Am I going insane? Do I cause fights because that is what I’m used to? Can I even see myself marrying him? Did we move in together too soon? Am I staying in this relationship because I’m too afraid to be alone? Do I need time to be on my own? Am I insane? Can we get through this? Will things get better? 

I have tried to find a counselor but apparently finding a counselor nearby who accepts my insurance, is somewhat affordable, and is accepting new patients, is more difficult than I thought. I hate that today’s society frowns upon mental health and awareness. It makes it so difficult to find help when searching for it.

I feel as though I am going to explode because I can’t turn my brain off so now, here I am - writing this.

[idareyoutospeak]

hi lol so i met this guy in the apple store, he actually sold me my computer. i went back and we talked more and i gave him my number and last night he texted me telling me his friend died so things are in flux w his life rn and he doesn't know when he's gonna be free to hang out, but i leave on monday for college so idk what to do bc i really like this guy, but like we wouldn't be able to hang out until thanksgiving break idk what to do

Hmm, well I'd try to see if he can hang out and that you're leaving this Monday but you also have to take into consideration how he may not be mentally there even if you guys do hang out since his friend did just pass away. And if you have to wait till Thanksgiving to hang out, though that sucks it's a while away, maybe when you guys do hang out together it'll work out between you two. Maybe now just isn't the right time. 

[idareyoutospeak]

same person: He's only a sophomore, so he can't ask her yet. I would want to ask him as friends, just because I'm not sure how he would react to me asking him. I could possibly like him as more than a friend, but not if he is into someone else.

Well i would still ask him to prom then as friends! I mean why not? Worst thing that could happen is he says no. And who knows, if you guys do end up going together to prom you may find that you may like each other on a "more than friends" level. 

[idareyoutospeak]

person from last question: He doesn't really do any of those things. I'm on the golf team with him and this girl that I think he's into and they rarely talk. I don't know how they interact in class tho. I don't know how much they text and all that stuff, but I heard him a couple of weeks ago when some guy said that he had picked a cute one? I'm pretty sure that that means he likes her. Idk I wanted to ask him to prom as friends, but not if he's interested in someone else.

Oh. Well why don't you ask around about him? Do you think he'll actually ask this girl to prom even though they don't really talk? He may have a small crush on her… but if they don't even talk, then they probably won't have as much fun together than if you guys went! I never understand how people like other people when they've never really gotten to know the person yet… you only like him as a friend though?

[idareyoutospeak]

How can I tell if the guy I like, likes another girl?

He'll give her attention.. tries to please or impress her. Or you may catch him staring/glancing at her often. Or if they're friends he'll try to hang out with her often, text/talk to her, etc. If not, he may ask around about her or you may hear him talk about her.

[idareyoutospeak]

I'm the person from the last answered question. Yeah I'm attracted to him, but I'm shy too hahaha. It's really hard for me to go up to someone I've never had a real conversation with and try and start one. Any way, yesterday I was walking by him and a few of his friends on the way to class and I heard one of them say, "is that the girl you like?" I could be reading too much into the situation and he might not have even been talking about me.

Talk to himmmm! what's the worst that could happen? You should get to know him though before anything, and vice versa. Like how would he know that he actually likes you if you guys have never talked / hung out / gotten to really know each other? Only then, can you say that you truly like someone. Maybe the person meant to ask if you're the girl he's interested in. If you don't do anything, and he doesn't either, then things probably wont happen between you two. Give it a shot, take a chance. Say hi and ask something simple like how he's doing.

[idareyoutospeak]

There's this guy at school that I don't really know, but I see him around EVERYWHERE. He's said hi or hello to me twice and we make eye contact a lot, when I have to walk by him he walks right by me and my friend thinks that it means that he's attracted to me, but I was wondering what you thought.

Hmm that's weird! It could or could not be anything at all and you may be over analyzing the situation. But are you attracted to him? I would try to talk to him if you're interested, maybe he's shy. He obviously has noticed you if you guys make eye contact often and he's said hi a few times, I would try to talk to him, why not and give it a try :)

[idareyoutospeak]

About six years ago, I dated this one guy for only 3 months. Ever since we broke up, things got a little weird. Back in freshmen year, he used to "spy" on me. Then after that school year, he began to date other girls. After every girl, he would once in a while talk (or "flirt") with me. Then after flirting with me, he would go out with another girl. Now I'm wondering - What do you think his nonverbal communication means to you?

I think he may flirt with you to see if you still have feelings for him or if there's a possibility that you guys could date again. Or he could just be a flirt, six years is a long time.. and you may be over analyzing his signs. If I were you I would confront him about it and just be like "hey I don't know what's going on here but what do you want from me." Does he date a lot of girls? He may be "checking up" on you or "flirting/talking" with you to see where things are at.. to see if things have changed. But he sounds like he has girlfriends often so I would take that into consideration. 

[idareyoutospeak]

The other day me and my friend were waiting at the chinese takeaway and we saw this our friend from across the street he came over and said hi and he started walking with us. I was shivering and he asked me if I wanted his jacket but I declined but he insisted so I gave in and he helped me put it on. Do you think he likes me or was he just being nice?

Aw that's cute! :) He may just be a gentleman but idk man, that could also mean he has some feelings toward you! Ask to hang out  :)

[idareyoutospeak]

I am so sad rn, so last night I went out w/ a couple of my friends and I don't even know how but all of the sudden these guys were talking to them and stuff, and I pretty much ended up hanging out w/ myself because they were talking to the guys. It just makes me feel sad because I was written off by both my friends and the guys. I don't know I just feel like I'm the ugly one of the three and they bring me around because they know it and there won't be any competition or something.

I bet that's not true! I'm really sorry you feel that way though, I think everyone feels like that sometimes. Ya know? I can admit I've definitely thought that before, that I'm the "ugly" one out of the group. But it took me a while to realize that's not true. They may have talked to your friends more because you didn't come off as outgoing as they did, or maybe you sent off an annoyed or "don't talk to me" vibe to them. Whatever it was, it's not your fault. If this happens often, try to be more outgoing. Or see if you come off in a certain way, like your friends, see if guys will talk to you in another situation. I'm sure it was just a sucky situation though, remember it happens to all of us. Xo

[idareyoutospeak]

ok so it turns out that i was completely wrong (the person from the last post) cause the guy wont stop talking to me now. like its so annoying he texts me like 4 different times throughout the day, snapchats me, messages me of fb, etc. and it's like dude calm down. he's so freaking attached. and then right now he asked my opinion on dating and I've known him for four days so I kinda let into him a little bit. ugh i feel really bad but he's super clingy and i don't know what to do.

Sounds like you got more than you wanted from this guy.. Well if I were you I would just see where things go, try not to respond to him as much as he gets a hold of you otherwise you'll live him the wrong message. If your still interested in the guy I would wait till your date on Saturday with him. The best thing you can probably do is confront him about being so sudden and that you want to go slow since you just met him. Hops this works! xo

[idareyoutospeak]

On Saturday night I was iceskating and this guy came up to me and we skated for a while and then he asked for my number so I gave it to him. He texted me super quickly and was saying all of this cute stuff and then the next day he called me because i prefer calling and we talked on the phone for like 4 hours. We were planning to go to the movies this saturday and stuff. When I was texting him today he seemed really distant and was giving me one word replies and mhm alot and i dont know why. ugh

Aw I'm sorry :( That sucks when a guy sends signals like he's really interested and then suddenly doesn't seem like it anymore. You should keep talking to see him and see where things go, if he gets more lively or if he still gives you one word responses.. He may have been busy though, I wouldn't over think it. If he continues to be like this, you can either see him Saturday or ask if he's not interested to see a movie anymore because of his one word responses. Hope things go well! xo

[idareyoutospeak]

i'm not good enough because compared to everyone else in the world, there's someone better. i just don't understand why i like anyone because there will always be someone better and i'll never be considered good enough

Don't say that someone is better than you, no one can ever be better or worse than someone else. You are YOU and someone is going to love you for who YOU are, you just have to wait and see. You'll see. Just because someone you like doesnt like you, doesn't mean you aren't good enough. You just aren't for each other. Heck! You probably will date people who you think are right for you but for one reason or another, it just won't work out. But wait and see, you're gonna find that person one day, just wait :)

[idareyoutospeak]

I like this guy but I feel like I'm not good enough for him and that he'll never like me and I don't know why I even waste emotions liking anyone when no one has ever liked me back in the past.

Why do you feel that you are not good enough for him? I don't think someone is ever not good enough for someone else, it's just chemistry. It's either there or it's not. It's not about human worth.

[idareyoutospeak]

I kind of like this guy that's a couple years younger than me and I don't know what to do! It's so awkward because most girls don't like someone younger, especially me. Should I try and let it go?

Honestly, I don't think a few years difference is a big deal. If your in high school then yeah, people who date younger or even older people do sometimes get crap for it and people don't think it's really "acceptable" but once your older it really doesn't matter that much. Love is love.

So I think you should continue with your feelings for this guy, I mean who knows where it will lead to. It's not like you guys are getting married or anything. You just have feelings for him and that is okay. People around you will either accept it or be against it, but screw what they say. If he treats you right and makes you happy then that's all that matters.

[idareyoutospeak]

How do you get over someone you know will never ever like you? I had a crush on this guy for like a year and half and he never treated me the way that I should have been treated. He went into the navy and I messaged him asking for his address so that I could write him because he had asked and he viewed my message and never responded. It's just hard right now because I thought I was finally moving on and getting closure, but I don't think I'm over him.

I'm really sorry to hear that your going through this.. I understand that it can be hard and you probably feel very lonely right now, but keep your head up sunshine. I can honestly promise you, one day there is going to come a guy who is wonderful and will unknowingly show you why it didn't work out with the guy you like. It honestly does take time. It takes a lot of time for some people, and a shorter amount of time for others. Just stay focused on what makes you happy and keeps your mind busy. It can help a lot, seriously. Maybe even change things up in your life.. hair, hobby, piercing, new book, it can be big or small, it's all up to you. The more you push yourself to get over him, the slower it will take, it takes time. Good luck & stay strong ♥

[idareyoutospeak]

... because i don't need to be close to work during this period, it doesn't matter if i have the license or not, so i asked him if i could move in for almost 3 months. Of course he said yes, he is too good and too kind to deny helping me but i'm scared that deep down he doesn't actually want me to move in. Do i have reasons to be worried or am i just being silly?

Yes, I believe there's reason to be unsure and worry a little before moving in, that totally makes sense! I mean moving in is a pretty big step into the relationship. If I were you i would sit down with him and have a serious talk about it, reassure him that its okay if he says no, but that it would hurt you MORE if he lied just so he can make you happy. Just so then you won't have to doubt yourself and him about this decision! Sure be disappointed if he actually says no about moving in but don't get mad, otherwise he'll be afraid to talk to you about serious stuff in the future. Good luck! :)