idontwannabeherealone

[idontwannabeherealone]

You dodged a bullet when you ended things with me, I’m far from perfect or what you need.

I hope your life is filled with so much love and happiness, even if I can’t be a part of it.

[idontwannabeherealone]

If you were to ask me how I am, I’d say I’m fine.

But behind closed doors, I’m crying into a bottle of wine.

I don’t want to scare those around me, but I’m scared for my own sanity.

What’s my reason? My reason to try.

All I see right now is me saying goodbye.

I gave it my best,

But I think now is my time to rest.

[idontwannabeherealone]

Just know that even though you are forcing to move on, I’ll never forget you and I’ll always be a message away.

I’ll never let you suffer alone, I’ll always be here if you need someone, I’ll do my best to help you no matter the scenario and if it brings me pain.

I only want the best for you and that will never change.

[idontwannabeherealone]

They say life is precious, but I’d happily give mine to someone else

[idontwannabeherealone]

It’s been 56 days today since I received a message ending things… maybe time doesn’t heal ALL wounds and if it does I hope time speeds up soon

[idontwannabeherealone]

I would do it again. I would attempt to take my life, but this time I wouldn’t let myself fail.

[idontwannabeherealone]

It’s kinda funny. I tried taking my life and since then my friends and family are making an effort with me, but I know it shouldn’t have taken that for them to realise

[idontwannabeherealone]

You know, I actually did it. I faced my fears and I took an overdose, I got rushed to A&E yesterday evening and discharged this morning. I was ready, I accepted my peace. So why didn’t it work?

[idontwannabeherealone]

Last night I burnt all of the notes I made you, I wrote my feelings down and set them to flames. It’s time for me to move on and return to reality.

[idontwannabeherealone]

This is going to be my last post, my final goodbye.

I’ve spent the past hour writing letters to my loved ones, I can’t do this anymore. I hope nobody has to ever feel this way.

Try to keep strong, you are loved which I know is contradictory to what I’m planning but just never stop trying

[idontwannabeherealone]

153, that’s the amount of messages I’ve sent you since you blocked me. I’m not strong enough to let go yet you already have. Take care my love, I hope we can reconnect one day in the afterlife.

[idontwannabeherealone]

I don’t blame you for giving up on me, I’ve given up on myself too

[idontwannabeherealone]

I wish you could feel the pain I feel, how much I miss you, how important you still are to me, how I can’t move on because you are perfect.

I can’t even message you anymore, I miss you so fucking much and it hurts. I honestly wish we had never met, because I’d rather be miserable not knowing you than miserable with our memories

[idontwannabeherealone]

If you knew how much I missed you, would you come back? I’ve spent the last hour crying, thinking about how if you were in my life I’d still feel some form of happiness… but you are gone and so is all hope.

[idontwannabeherealone]

I hope that you can see that behind all the pain, behind the overthinking, I only wanted to love you. I never meant to hurt you, I never wanted you to feel anything but pure happiness… but I caused you to lose that instead

[idontwannabeherealone]

I just want to say sorry, sorry to my soulmate.

I’m afraid that we’ll never meet, or never have a future. I hope you can forgive me, but battling depression is getting too tough for me… it’s been an 11 year battle and I don’t think I can take it anymore.

I hope you can find someone who makes you happy like I wish I could.

[idontwannabeherealone]