im-literally-a-loser

[im-literally-a-loser]

Almost face planted into a dead guys dick today. Don't recommend.

[im-literally-a-loser]

I went to the gas station after work the other day and walked inside for a soda. I'd taken off my work shirt and was just in my undershirt and some dude walked up to me.

Him: hey, there's something on your shirt

Me: oh, yeah, it's just a blood stain

Him: shit, you okay man?

Me: yeah, it's fine. It's not mine

Him: .........

Me: don't worry, the guy's dead anyway

Then I turned around and walked away. It was 30 minutes before I realized how that might look.

[im-literally-a-loser]

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Something like this would be so colossally helpful. I'm sick and tired of trying to research specific clothing from any given culture and being met with either racist stereotypical costumes worn by yt people or ai generated garbage nonsense, and trying to be hyper specific with searches yields fuck all. Like I generally just cannot trust the legitimacy of most search results at this point. It's extremely frustrating. If there are good resources for this then they're buried deep under all the other bullshit, and idk where to start looking.

[im-literally-a-loser]

Hanging out at work in a cemetery. I mentioned that every time I stick my leg out the window here, I'm always mildly terrified something will crawl out of the ground and attack me. My partner responded 'yeah, I hate spiders and that shit too." I was talking about corpses. Because we're in a cemetery. This resulted in my partner saying "I am WAY more scared of a fucking wasp than an animate rotted corpse." And honestly, valid.

[im-literally-a-loser]

This is probably somehow blasphemous, but genuine question: can vegans take communion? Like, is it a spiritual representation of the body of Christ so as long as the wafers and wine are vegan it's fine, or is it supposed to be a physical representation so you can't because even though it might have vegan ingredients it's supposed to be the physical representation of a body so not vegan?

[im-literally-a-loser]

You know, when we said destroy capitalism, we didn't mean to replace it with fascism

[im-literally-a-loser]

I love my job. My boss's boss just walked into the garage, looked at the whiteboard, and said "well fuck. Tonight's gonna be a fucking shit show" and then walked out of the room.

[im-literally-a-loser]

Things you don't want to hear a paramedic say when you're in an ambulance:

"alright ma'am, my partner is gonna put 2 more really big stickers on your chest. While he's doing that, I've got a quick question for you so I can put it in my documentation. Do you have any advance directives in place?"

[im-literally-a-loser]

What did you buy for Black Friday?

Normal people: "oh, I bought ___(insert normal thing here)___"

Me: "I bought a lot of books about gender and fashion history"

[im-literally-a-loser]

Just had an 85 yo male patient. He exclusively referred to me as "boy". Honestly not sure how to feel. On the one hand, gender euphoria, which feels good. On the other, classic prejudice, which feels not good.

[im-literally-a-loser]

Y'all ever wish there was a series of apps designed for people who work nights? Like, looking at my calendar is weird because it looks like I do things at the start of each day and the end of each day, but it's really just my calendar having a break at midnight. And when I go to track my food and track that I've taken my meds and what not in the app where I put those, it gets confused because it says my 5 am dinner is part of the same day as the 3 pm breakfast that I'll have after I wake up and the following 11 pm lunch. And whenever I try to log my sleep in the same app, it just yells at me because apparently my sleep schedule isn't healthy. It's honestly just annoying as fuck

[im-literally-a-loser]

Recently I heard someone complaining about their job requiring that they work 140 hrs a month and that being a lot. While yes, I get it, also please shut up, I was on hour 42 of a 48 hour shift when that conversation happened and I work 156 hours minimum over the next two weeks assuming I don't get held late.

[im-literally-a-loser]

Apparently the Kings/Avalanche game is an NBA game, thank you HBO

[im-literally-a-loser]

My work partner and I:

One of us is a 20 year old gay man who is voting blue, the other is a 22 year old straight man voting red.

One of us is not planning on dressing up for Halloween and is currently listening to the world series game, the other walked in with painted nails excitedly talking about his makeup for Halloween and is currently watching the Epic Livestream.

Which is which?

Hint: it's not who you would think

[im-literally-a-loser]

When you find yourself bored at work, I do not recommend tap dancing in steel toes and being attacked by a deer

[im-literally-a-loser]

Quote of the day:

"I've been aging at a rate of 10 years per year for the past 2 weeks so that makes me 42 years older"

[im-literally-a-loser]

C: pourque?

J: who's Kay?

S: no, that's not a person, that's French, right?

C: No! It's Spanish!

C: *disappointed facepalm and head shaking*