itsclarainfinity

[itsclarainfinity]

had I known that was the last time I had you

I probably will pay attention to every detail, of your face of your body and especially the way you look at me. they say you should've close your eyes when you kiss, but I wish I open my eyes more. I wish I can watch the way your body reacts to mine I wish I can see your eyes when they're full of the need of me I wish I can look at you, see you, and freeze you right there and then. had I known, I probably never asked you to stop I will savour every warmth your body offer me I will stay longer on your chest, or ask you stay longer on mine I will caress your hair more, your face more I will linger on your neck as long as I could I wish I could visually remember it more, rather than only remember how it feels I wish I remember the way your face so close to mine, all I remember was your kiss was it ever real? was it really you? had I known that was the last time you were in my arms, I should've make sure the person that I held so close, will never hurt and leave me afterwards, just like you did.

[itsclarainfinity]

this is why we should've stayed friends

some days I woke up and wish we stayed friends.

I wish we stayed friends when you start to call me every night when we talk until the sun rise when we keep laughing with sleepy eyes I wish we stayed friends even then

I wish we stayed friends when you start to put your arms around me while we're sleeping when we stay awake late at nights to talk about our fear when we always linking hands, sit and sleep next to each other I wish we stayed friends even then

I wish we stayed friends when you hold me while I'm crying my hearts out half drunk when you keep soothing me by saying you will never leave me when you patiently wait for to me fell asleep I wish we stayed friends even then

I wish we stayed friends when I kiss your lips for the first time when I start to trust you with my vulnerable side when I couldn't feel at ease without hearing your heartbeat next to me when we're sleeping I wish we stayed friends even then

I wish we stayed friends when we start to become inseparable when our body intertwined when there was nothing between us anymore I wish we stayed friends even then

I wish I could only see you as a friend, forever I wish I could undo all of those complicated feelings I have for you I wish I could always have you as my friend because after all of this what hurts the most isn't losing a lover, but losing my bestfriend.

[itsclarainfinity]

Us

you know what would be perfect? us us, if only things weren't so bad at our families us, if only religion weren't so significant in our countries us, if only our scars weren't cut so deep in each other memories

we would be perfect but darling, in this cruel cruel world perfection doesn't exist neither does us

[itsclarainfinity]

I wish I could have you even on the days when you don't need me.

[itsclarainfinity]

right where I belong

next to you I hope

seeing pictures of us together is kinda scary it's makes me feel that it was meant to be my head was meant to be right by your chest your hands was meant to cling into my waist

i was meant to be there, next to you

at least that's what I felt I never felt so complete standing next to a person I swear I heard something clicked when you put your arms around me I felt like all this time I was searching for a half of me and there you are

but what scary is, how many girls felt the same way? how many girls up at night looking at their pictures with you, and thought the same? how many girls felt that your embrace was made specifically for them? how many girls felt that the space next to you, was theirs too? how many girls thought, that I was stealing their place?

right where I belong, next to you but for whom are you belong?

[itsclarainfinity]

Name

"it's better if you just know her as my friend, close friend."

you said, you said it's better if you don't mention her name you said it's better if I don't know her name you said it's better to keep pushing around the bush than admit that she has a name

but I know her name, of course

with the way the name always pops out on your phone with the way you always mention the name when you tell your beloved college story with the way how often you went out with the said name also with the way she introduces herself when I accidentally crossed path with both of you at dinner

but I also not fond of mentioning her name

I also want to always refer her as your friend, and only your friend I also didn't like the way her name sounds from your lips I also like the idea of if she never has a name then at one point she could be irrelevant

it took me 2 bottle of wine to finally say her name out loud, and associated her name with the person who had a hold of your imprisoned heart

but I didn't remember doing it. it was you, you remember

you remember when I said her name along with her relationship with you and I'd lie if I say it didn't just scratched a wound in my heart when I hear you say her name, and finally admit that she is your girlfriend.

[itsclarainfinity]

happy birthday

happy birthday, and I do hope you have a happy birthday. out of everything, you deserve that..

I hope she surprised you with the nicest cake, I hope she got you that watch and I hope she made you smile so big your cheeks hurts.

and then you take her to the nicest dinner, with all the candles and nice dress, she will be surpised that you can come out with that but she deserve it because she can make you the happiest.

I hope you come home singing along to your favorite song, because the lingering feeling of happiness just couldn't fade away.

and when you finally in your bed, feeling warm and fuzzy inside because all the love she showered you today, I hope you find it hard to close your eyes.

because once in your life, the reality feels so much better than dreams.

happy birthday, I do hope you are happy.

[itsclarainfinity]

My Fault

why do it have to hurt this much? I thought I lost the ability to feel anything at all but here I am, with a knife-stabbed pain in the depth of my heart and I can't blame you.

because you didn't do anything wrong.

you just don't love me... and it isn't your fault. I did everything wrong. I was the one who fell head over heals for you, even tough I know I shouldn't.

we were friends, best friends, and should've stayed that way.

but I ruined it, I fucking ruined it when I fall for you.

[itsclarainfinity]

Terima Kasih

Terimakasih untuk kamu Yang sudah sangat membahagiakan saya Walaupun semu Setidaknya sudah membuat dunia saya berwarna

Terimakasih untuk kamu lagi Yang sempat membuat saya merasa nyaman Meskipun hanya ilusi Sekilas menciptakan rasa aman

Terimakasih untuk kamu juga Yang sudah berhasil menghilangkan luka Walaupun dengan fiktif belaka Hendaknya saya sudah lupa

Dan, terimakasih untuk kamu Yang sudah membuktikan sekali lagi Bahwa memilikimu Hanya sebatas delusi

Terimakasih Atas kesempurnaan singkatmu Yang sudah berhasil membuat saya tertipu Dan sampai saat ini masih tak bisa tidur tanpamu

[itsclarainfinity]

Slowly Faded Away

At this time, months ago I usually drown in your voice With smile plastering all over my face and your words stuck in my head Thinking what we are, and maybe we could’ve end up together

But now, I’m laying here alone With tears rolling down my face and your words still stuck in my head Thinking what we are not, and why we couldn’t be together

Love suck, and I miss you.

[itsclarainfinity]

I Miss You

I miss you I miss our late night talk I miss our deep converstations I miss our connection

I miss you I miss your laugh I miss your joke I miss your silent

I miss you I miss how we used to be so close I miss how you used to care about me I miss how happy I was

I miss you And it’s getting harder everyday And it’s getting sickening And I wish I just can call you right away

I miss you I miss us And it’s so painful Because you’re still here, but you are not who you used to be.

[itsclarainfinity]

My Open Letter For You

Hey you, yeah I bet you know who you are You know me that well I know that. Somewhere in the future, you’ll find this And this is all my feelings I wrote for you Dear my sunshine, Thank you for being the warmth which I longing for since forever Be the one who cuddled up the broken parts of me I’ve been cold all my life, but not when I’m with you Dear the-one-who-I-want-to-tell-how-my-day-went-today, Thank you for genuinely asking where I was For remembering every single words I’ve said For noticing every single thing I’ve done Dear my gnash-lover-buddy, Thank you for listening to my kind of music Since the moment you hummed that part of Kiss Me I knew right away, you’re it. Dear my late-night-call mate, Thank you for laughing at our internal jokes The high pitched noise you make to make sure I dont sleep And all the midnight rants we gone through Dear my brother, Thank you for taking care of me Making sure I was allright 24/7 Calling and texting me whenever I need your help Dear my number-one-bully, Thank you for making me stronger than I already am For trusting me that I’m good enough For appreciating all my hard work Dear my lover, I’m sorry we can’t be together It’s just too much on the line I know, you know, we won’t ever made it But hell yeah, I love you Like you said, I meant it from my deepest heart i love u so much And on the top of all Dear my bestfriend, We will forever be only this And I can’t thank you enough For all that you are, and all that you do.

[itsclarainfinity]

Really

It’s really really fucked up I really really miss you At a really really wrong time

[itsclarainfinity]

Who Are You, Really?

I don’t really know you, do I? All of this kind act you’ve been putting up All of this sweet talk you’ve been saying All of this gentle gesture you’ve been showing It’s just a lie, isn’t it? Like I get it, I know, not everyone is bad Not everyone has a secret agenda Not everyone has a dark past Not everyone has a chaotic life Not everyone has to be questioned I don’t have to be suspicious about everyone. Especially, you, or I thought. Since this, since I know who you really are since I realized what your motives really are since I know what exactly I meant to you I realized, not everyone is good, too.

[itsclarainfinity]

A Mess

I know deep down, you know I will always come back I will always come back to that place I will always come back to look for your face That’s pretty much sums up how pathetic I am How many times I tried to move on How many times I wasted to forget you but failed miserably I am wasting time Your time, because I keep coming back My time, because I keep missing half of me Wasting our time, forced something that can’t be together You know, I might I might drop all of this fake drama And just run to you Hugging our broken pieces together But I can’t I let it, once And you showed me that was a huge mistake Listen, I still can hear you inside my head all the times I still can feel you in my heartbeat I can even still feel your arms wrapped around me Sometimes I wish I forgot who I am Forgot the scars that you’ve left on me Forgot all the times you’ve disappointed me Forgot all the times you’ve mistaken my kindness as my weaknesses So, we can be together Exchanged words of love Without any burden Or without any guilt for being so dumb But in the end, I know we can’t be together Because we’re kinda alike somehow Like, tornado and volcano when they met, it’s all just a big chaotic toxic mess.

[itsclarainfinity]

The One That Got Away

I will not write about you. I am not. I will not. I can not. But, I need to. I want to. I have to. Those night, Has been carved to my mind Has been painted to my eyes Has been curled to my arms I couldn’t, just let you pass, could I?

[itsclarainfinity]

She

Hey, first of all I’m sorry. I’m sorry for keeping you all this time You may think, that we’re perfect for each other that we’re match in heaven that we’re end game We’re not. And it might cross your mind, that no one will gonna replace me that no one will understand you like I did that no one will love you like I did But there’s one. Her. That girl who cried a lot because of you That girl who went miles for you That girl who’s running to you while you’re running to me I write a lot about you, yes. But that solely based on what we had before How I miss your beautiful feature And how I love the good memories But that’s it. I love you so much because you give the best thing to me Because you wanted me Because you love me too. But, she? You don’t even care for her You don’t even think about her You are your worst when you’re with her. But she love you anyway. She love you even when you desperately in love with me She love you even when you said you only love me She love you even when my face is all over your eyes when you look at her And how can I, be so evil for standing between you and her And I’m sorry. Now, that I know That she can love you In the way that I can’t I let you go, my dear. Because yes, all of this tumblr posts were and are about you I write about you But she write too, You’re her poem too.