itsmetonyamarie-blog - Tumblr blog

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

Could you live with this? I really love my body and if it's ever criticized I just automatically think someone is jealous, but....😒 I do have one #insecurity . Everyone is asleep except me. Posting late again, after I said I shouldn't do that 🤦‍♀️ . . . . #realtalk #realtalk💯 #imnotdrunk #saggyboobsmatter #supportyourgirls #ineedalift #deflated #breastlift #breastliftnoimplants #agingprocess #gravity #gravitysucks #looseskin #weightlosssideeffects #sideffects #weightloss #weightlossjourney #keto #ketotransformation #ketojourney #bodybyketo #ilovemybody #naturalbreasts #loveyourbody #latenightthoughts #agelessbeauty #takecareofyourbody #beingawomanishard #beingawomanisbeautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/B15th55FWRT/?igshid=xpti6rnormxe

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

Am I just wanting too much? Is this even a thing? Do we always end up disappointed in a relationship? Or is it just me? I don't need someone to complete me. I just want this... . . . . . #poetry #poetrycommunity #modernpoetry #themindofawriter #inspiredwriting #lovepoems #lovepoem #sadpoem #writer #writersofinstagram #poetryporn #wordporn #igpoetry #spilledink #whatiwant #spiritual #loveconnection #spiritualconnection #soulconnection #twosouls #soulmate #longing #infp #infppersonality #infj #tonyamariewrites https://www.instagram.com/p/B1ZYOa_l9kS/?igshid=upntbc22fc2w

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

One of mine…

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

You know that feelings can kill and you have me bending at your every will.

(via forever-deep-in-thought)

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

Every time you smile at me, that moment doesn't last long enough.

I had never noticed you much before, but now that I have, I want more.

I want your smile, I want your touch.

I want your hands all over my body.

I want to feel you deep inside of me, breathing heavily.

Where did this feeling come from?

I try to fight it but it only gets stronger

My desire has been awakened from its long slumber,

with just a smile

and now it won't rest until it's satisfied.

But it can never be satisfied.

I want you so desperately but I can't have you.

You aren't mine. You belong to somebody else.

Why do I always want what I can't have?

This is becoming a common theme.

But I don't care.

You smile at me and say my name like you mean it,

like you can taste it

and I wonder what my name would sound like coming from your mouth

during long, exhausting moments of passion.

What would my name sound like as I'm touching you,

kissing you, sucking you...

What does my name sound like with my fingers in your hair,

pulling, just hard enough.

Would it sound like I imagine? Breathy and husky and deep?

Could we risk everything to find out, at least once?

I want to feel something, other than empty.

I want to feel you.

Your weight, on top of me.

But for now, thoughts of you will have to do.

I keep these dirty thoughts to myself.

For now, it's just the memory of a smile

and my name rolling off your tongue

that will fuel me and my desire.

I will channel my longing into creativity.

My body will suffer in sweet, twisted agony,

with no hope for complete fulfillment.

My body will crave yours and silently call out your name.

And one day, when you get a sudden shiver up your spine,

just know that it is my spirit calling out to you

as I'm thinking of all the things I am dying to do with you.

These thoughts are alive with an energy all their own,

and when I am alone, just my thoughts and my desire,

dripping sweet like honey,

you are there with me, twisted in delicious agony.

WRITTEN 12/21/18 - I shared a very small portion of this one the other day - the poem that re-started it, an obsession that got me writing again, after years of barely writing at all. It might not be superior writing but it comes from the heart...and other places.

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

Written a few months ago....

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

How I've been feeling the past week - Hot Mess! Emotionally exhausted, frustrated, pissed off, all over the place. One day I'm so irritated and the next, it's whatever. Or minute by minute. I'm sick of shit. I'm sick of narcissistic, insecure types fucking with me, while too afraid to face me. I'm absolutely nothing like that. I don't screw with or try to hurt people so I'm always shocked and confused when people do it to me. I don't get involved in drama - I avoid it as much as possible. I don't go out and socialize because of drama and asshole behavior. Why do some people enjoy hurting people, even people they don't know? I don't get it. I'm venting and I know I shouldn't even do that. It feeds the trolls. The very people who are fucking with me. I need to stop feeding the trolls.

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year. You might not give a shit at all right now, thinking you've already got something pretty damn good. But one day you'll look back and realize the opportunity you missed out on. Because I won't think about you forever. You're already fading from my mind and most days I hate you altogether - for making me want something I can't have right now. For making me want you period. I didn't want to want you. I didn't want this feeling. I didn't want to feel desired yet rejected at the same time. I didn't want to feel not good enough. Because I AM MORE than enough. I could've pursued it harder but I'm not chasing you. That's what you want - beautiful women wanting you, chasing you. But I don't chase. I get chased. And you aren't up to the challenge of getting to know a woman like me. Not many men are. Once you start getting to know me and you think that's all there is, you've seen every part of me - that I'm a simple woman - you suddenly realize there are so many fucking layers to peel back and you wouldn't know where to begin. I'm not for quitters. I'm not for the shallow. You've got to be prepared to go deep. You'll discover more about yourself as you're discovering me. How much could you really handle? You probably couldn't handle me. I'm not that easy. I'm a beautiful, dark, deep mystery

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

You didn't think I was actually going to follow you around, did you? You can stalk me though. I don't mind. . Remember? . . . #myoriginalwriting #mywriting #lovepoemforcrazygirls #idontchase #idontstalk #iwrite #writeitout #writer #dreamer #writersofinsta #writersofinstagram #writingmyfeelings #instagramwriters #themindofawriter #writerscommunity #writerslife #modernpoetry #instapoetry #poet #poetry #poetrycommunity #writerssupportingwriters #beingawriter #poetryporn #wordporn #igpoetry #igpoetrycommunity #lovepoems https://www.instagram.com/p/BxYbVHDlcxg/?igshid=16qzj3s2m2tiq

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

I don't even know him. No one can compete with my imagination. But it would be nice to find someone who would really try and make me not want to retreat back into myself. I'm not asking for perfection. Just perfect for me. . #infp #infppersonality #introvert #infprelatable #empath #personalitytypes #meyersbriggs #infplife #intuitive #infpproblems #introverted #cancerzodiac #cancer♋️ #infpwoman #introvertgirl #infpgirl #wantingmore #needingmore #alwayssearching #foreverwandering #restless #wanderer #writer #dreamer #themindofawriter #myimagination https://www.instagram.com/p/BtG-9YpFqHy/?igshid=1irkbf2kg5may

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

All the fucking time. I seriously thought I would grow out of this by now. I'm getting worse the older I get, I swear 🤦‍♀️ It's only certain people though, I don't get it. . . #infp #infppersonality #introvert #infprelatable #empath #personalitytypes #meyersbriggs #toomanyfeelings #introversion #introvertproblems #shygirlproblems #growup #yesiwrotethisshit https://www.instagram.com/p/Br3Wg7iljt1/?igshid=18hati0ju6rss

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

You smile at me and say my name like you mean it and I wonder what y name would sound like coming from your mouth during long moments of passion. What would my name sound like with my fingers in your hair, pulling just hard enough. What does it sound like as I’m touching you, kissing you, sucking you... could we risk everything to find out, at least once?

--by Tonya Marie

this poem is just a part of a longer poem, I will share later. This is the poem that re-started my writing. I hadn’t written much in years and suddenly I was inspired by someone and wrote this. 

[itsmetonyamarie-blog]

“Writing is to transfer your thoughts to others”

— Jenny Fikke